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Culturegasm: JESUS CHRIST IT'S NOT A SEX TOY!!!

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  1.  (10020.1)
    Grover Fells Good, Man.

    Wow. I had NO IDEA what lay in wait for me when I started that discussion topic half a year ago. I figured at the time that all I had to do was to widen the base, maybe chase a few niggling detail problems, and whisk it away to the magical land of Shapeways, and the customers and $$$ would just roll on in.

    Instead, I was just approaching the foothills of Triangle Hell. Finishing the design work didn't take too long, but when I sent it to the fabrication service to be printed, I was looking at a three-inch wide plastic statue that cost $80 dollars to print -- and that didn't include any profit to me. Now, I think I came up with a damn fine design, but expecting potential customers to part with $80+ was, um, just a tad unrealistic.

    Thus began the six-week process of trying out different methods of hollowing out the interior of the model. I'm trying not to get all tl;dr on you here, so let's just say that I found many exciting and lengthy ways of accomplishing FUCKING NOTHING AT ALL. But after many experiments and dead ends, I finally managed get it down to a somewhat more reasonable level.

    Which brings us to the point at which I attempt to mercilessly gouge you offer you some fine wares. Take a look. There are four sizes available: micro (1" wide), small (3" wide), medium (6" wide), and large (9" wide). You know, I personally suggest the large, $800 version -- and hell, if you're gonna spend that kinda scratch anyway, why not go for the gold-plated matte version for only $3,400 more? Okay, yes: as the models get larger, they leap higher in price, but I promise you, most of the cost goes to the manufacturing process. I'm really not going to be getting much from each sale. (Well, except from any wayward customers who opt for the bronze, silver or gold sculpts; I figure if they'd pay $4070 for a large gold-plated statue (which is the wholesale cost), then they'll probably pay $4200 (which would provide me with about $130 bucks for, er, art supplies). If I can find a service with cheaper cost of materials, I'll migrate over as quick as I can.

    I'll go ahead and add the caveats that Shapeways lists on their site:

    Warning: Please note that the 3D printing materials we use for manufacturing the designs make the products suitable only for decorative purposes and they are not suited for any other purpose. The products are not suited to be used as toys, to be given to children. The products should not come in contact with electricity or food & drink and should be kept away from any heat sources.

    In other words -- and Rootfireember, RenThing and the quiet one, I'm looking at YOU sick fucks -- IT IS NOT A DIDDLE DEVICE.

    I threatened the griefers in that last discussion thread with the Diesel-Powered Taint Shank, but someone beat me to the design. Mind you, I was going to use the three-tongued rotting mechanical head of Richard Nixon...

    In closing, I'd like to thank Warren, Paul Van Denton, and the quiet one for their suggestions, and thanks to everyone else who chimed in with their nasty, nasty words.

    Here's a shinier, fuzzier rendering:
    Feels Better, Man
    •  
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2011
     (10020.2)
    My friend whom I am skyping with: "Tell them I fear them, now. I vaguely fear them. Because THIS is there. And I KNOW it's there. And I don't know what it IS."
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2011
     (10020.3)
    Anything, when used creatively enough, can be a diddle device.

    Grats, man, I'm glad you were able to get this into a practical production stage although I'm not sure that it should have been in that same way I'm not sure people should read from old books penned by Arabs of questionable sanity that are bound in human skin.
  4.  (10020.4)
    Oh god... oh, god. I forgot about this.


    Help me.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2011
     (10020.5)
    @chainsaw.serenade

    I think the only appropriate response is if we have to suffer, you suffer too.
  6.  (10020.6)
    Quiet thyselves, o children

    Dance brightly, that you might remain yet unseen
    Your hand is his Eye and his cry is the World

    The beast is a Silence and the ocean is torn
    The Song has been sung and the Gate has been opened

    In a sky gone from view
    is begun the gestation

    Hillbilly Turtle Whiskey Abortion draws breath:

    Edley Bradford Liquor Problems

    ...wuh? Say, what am I doing here?
    Oh well, probably nothing to worry about. Thanks for the praise!
    • CommentAuthorSteadyUP
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2011
     (10020.7)


    ...what is wrong with you?
  8.  (10020.8)
    nonononononononononononono
    •  
      CommentAuthorYskaya
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2011
     (10020.9)
    I just broke a rib laughing. I blame you all.

    ow ow can't stop laughing ow
  10.  (10020.10)
    Did he smile, his work to see?
    Did he who made the lamb, make thee?


    It's a thing of wonder, to be sure, but I'm gonna hold out for the sex toy version.
    • CommentAuthorKradlum
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2011 edited
     (10020.11)
    That's just what everyone is looking for for their steampunk/cthulhu Sesame Street GURPS scenario.
    Maybe you could try a Kickstarter.com project for it. If you could get Warren and Si to tweet it, you would get some interest. You'd need to work out an angle for it though.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2011
     (10020.12)
    Maybe he can add a vibrating feature.

    You know. For the ladies.
  13.  (10020.13)
    ...what is wrong with you?

    Many, many things.

    nonononononononononononono

    Govspy, you're going no no no, when you should be going nom nom nom. Consume it. Feel its dim gaze... from within. Mmm! Now that's lip-smacking good!

    I just broke a rib laughing. I blame you all.
    ow ow can't stop laughing ow

    Long has it been know that Whitechapel is NSFW. Perhaps it has now become a health hazard. Took long enough.


    Kradlum, I'm not sure what a Kickstarter project would accomplish. I mean, it's already available for purchase. There aren't any start-up costs involved.
    My main concern is about the high price tags, which are solely based on the cost of materials. How would Kickstarter alleviate that?

    It's a thing of wonder, to be sure, but I'm gonna hold out for the sex toy version.

    Maybe he can add a vibrating feature.

    You know. For the ladies.

    gaspcoughchoke Gawd damn you I tole you HOW MANY TIMES coughcoughhack HOW MANY TIME I GOTTA TELL YOU coughchokebleedingeyes
    IT AINT NO DAMNED TOY FOR TO PUT IN YORE coughhackepilepsyspasms SHAME TUNNEL??!?!?!
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2011
     (10020.14)
    Who says it goes it there?

    Could be a vibrating bit for the love button. You never know.

    (Although I'm not certain I want to know the woman who could climax with that thing staring up at her from between her legs)
  15.  (10020.15)
    Hey... what the Hell is up with those blocks?
    • CommentAuthorKradlum
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2011
     (10020.16)
    Kradlum, I'm not sure what a Kickstarter project would accomplish. I mean, it's already available for purchase. There aren't any start-up costs involved.
    My main concern is about the high price tags, which are solely based on the cost of materials. How would Kickstarter alleviate that?


    Kickstarter is not just about getting start up costs, it's also about getting the word out, finding a market and making people feel they are part of the project. With the different sizes/materials you've got a ready made rewards structure. But, as you say it's already available for purchase, which is why you need to think of an angle. It could be raising money to cover your costs/time designing a 2nd model, using the first model as the rewards so there is no pressure on you to actually produce the 2nd model. I don't know how much you make on each Shapeways sale and whether you can get a discount for ordering in bulk, and you'll have to take into account 5% Kickstarter costs and 5% Amazon payments costs, and take the time to get the word out on social media (and possibly take the risk that that someone in Muppet world will see it and complain).
  17.  (10020.17)
    I like the better rendering. But why not link to images of the actual 3d whatsit here, too?
    I'd suggest keeping sketches of it in various stages of production and screenshots of the store/final product for portfolio work/resume.
  18.  (10020.18)
    I have officially lost two friends today by overusing the term "shame tunnel."

    Thank you. <3
  19.  (10020.19)
    Govspy: Those are Voynich Blocks. Flawed Voynich Blocks, as it turns out, but I'll get back to that later.

    Are you familiar with the Voynich manuscript? There's a Voynich font available for download.

    Once I finished the design and sculpting work on Grover, I brought it into another application to add all the groovy things like pretty shadows, glowing bits and fur. I needed to fill up the empty space around Grover, and I figured it would be entirely appropriate to, er, revisit another dearly-loved children's toy:

    toy blocks

    At first, I intended to create my own glyphs to replace the ABCs and 123s on the blocks, but I was in a hurry to get the rendering done and used the Voynich font instead. That rush to finish the project -- coupled with a general unfamiliarity with the characters -- would come back to haunt me. When I looked with fresh eyes at the block models today, I noticed that some of the glyphs are backwards. Nuts. It won't be hard to fix. Just... very damn tedious. sigh

    Kickstarter is not just about getting start up costs, it's also about getting the word out, finding a market and making people feel they are part of the project. With the different sizes/materials you've got a ready made rewards structure. But, as you say it's already available for purchase, which is why you need to think of an angle. It could be raising money to cover your costs/time designing a 2nd model, using the first model as the rewards so there is no pressure on you to actually produce the 2nd model. I don't know how much you make on each Shapeways sale and whether you can get a discount for ordering in bulk, and you'll have to take into account 5% Kickstarter costs and 5% Amazon payments costs, and take the time to get the word out on social media (and possibly take the risk that that someone in Muppet world will see it and complain).

    Hmmm. Interesting. I'll give this some consideration. Thanks for the info!

    I like the better rendering. But why not link to images of the actual 3d whatsit here, too?

    Are you talking about the real-world, hold-it-in-your-hand, oh-my-god-it-fell-off-the-coffee-table-and-smashed-into-pieces gewgaw? If so, I intend to, just as soon as the ones I ordered show up. I expect them by the first of August. Once I snap some photos of the little guys, I'll use the photos as the default images in whatever online storefront I settle on.

    Anything, when used creatively enough, can be a diddle device.

    Even solar flares?

    I have officially lost two friends today by overusing the term "shame tunnel."

    Well, shit. I hate to tear apart a friendship with my irresponsible batshit babble. Tell you what, here's how you win those friends back:
    Overuse the term "pride tunnel" instead.
  20.  (10020.20)
    I'm doing the engineer thing where I focus on the interesting technical problem and ignore and compartmentalize the horror.

    Good job.

    Did you have a sample built yet? I'd like to see how it comes out of the printer.
    What 3d software did you use? Do you think I could borrow an .iges file for a little while? (muffled evil laughter)

    Ponoko.com will do 3D printing and then perform light assembly work, so the cable things could be made of wire, you could add LEDs to the design or make it out of 2 different materials...or add other mechanisms. You know. For the "ladies".

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