Fri, 24 May 2013 18:37:07 -0700 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/ Lussumo Vanilla 1.1.4 & Feed Publisher http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302097#Comment_302097 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302097#Comment_302097 Fri, 15 Jul 2011 17:04:57 -0700 agentarsenic
Has your week been Jawsome, like a Spae Shark? Or full of Fail and tears?

Talk to each other Whitehapel.

Let's run this Thing from now until Sunday night, or early Monday morn if you're too busy weekending. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302101#Comment_302101 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302101#Comment_302101 Fri, 15 Jul 2011 17:23:02 -0700 Alan Tyson
Last night, had a conversation with a friend that I really DIDN'T need to have, in regards to my identity as a writer. Creative dilemma bollocks aside, it was just an unwelcome reminder about how differently the two of us think, even though we're still close enough to have these sorts of exposed-nerve conversations. It's never been a problem that we think different, but sometimes, I wish the two of us could just agree on something, for once in our lives.

Tomorrow, my room-mate and I make tire tracks for Toronto, where I'll be meeting the likes of Mr. Hex, oldhat, and of course our gracious and honorable host, Greasemonkey. Grabbed the beer and the car's oil change yesterday, got Canadian money and provisions for the trip there and back today. This is the first time I've ever done something like this, by which I mean meeting people in the meatsphere whom I've previously met on the webbernet, and I have no problem admitting that I'm nervous. Usually when people do this, they do it in the next town over, or at least within the same state. Not that I think I'm doing this "the wrong way" or whatever, and I'm excited far more than I'm nervous, but still: "What if I didn't bring enough beer?" "What if we get lost?" "What if there's an Ebola outbreak and Canada seals their border?" "What if I'm just not cool enough?" Silly bullshit, I know, but one way or another, it's gonna be hard getting to sleep tonight.

Roomie got a new job which beats the piss out of her old one in every conceivable way - better base pay, better hours, in a field she enjoys - and this is fantastic news. It does serve to drive home a certain worry of mine, however, that I'm pulling not my weight. My current job, at a bookstore, is a lot of fun, and I think I'm pretty good at it, but the pay is maybe $350 a month. The managers keep promising more hours, but I know that's not entirely within their control. It's not like I can't pay rent, and I can live simply if I need to, but at the end of the day, there's still that nagging voice going "You came all the way out here, just to mooch off an old college buddy. You're pathetic. Go back to the People's Republic of Cornistan, where you belong."

So. Yeah.

Hey, it's Open Mic Night - how 'bout a little karaoke? ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302102#Comment_302102 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302102#Comment_302102 Fri, 15 Jul 2011 17:50:11 -0700 agentarsenic
At work I'm fixing customer laptops sent in from all over the country. I've gotten pretty good at it, ripping a machine to shreds in mere minutes and reassembling it in less time...and I almost always find a place for all the screws.

There was a nice and shiny broken glassed iPad2 I found in the scrap we go through twice a week. I wanted to buy it, since I know I can fix it. The grandboss (boss of my boss) said sure but the great-grandboss (boss of my boss of my boss) said we'd need the parts to fix customer units since they are still pretty rare. I would've had the bastard for a mere $130 too...

My wife and I decided to move my mom in with us, since she only has about 5 years left and we want her to be close to family (see last week's open mic). We have a spare room and our daughter will gain another bedtime story reader. My mom went through a lot in her life, from divorce to drug addiction and everything in between, but I haven't really been a part of her life outside the occasional visit since I was about eighteen. She dropped all that stuff a few years ago, but the damage still shows. She looks a decade older than her sister, who is about a decade older than her.

ANYWAY
FAT FILIPINO MEN KNOIFE FOIGHTEN

]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302112#Comment_302112 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302112#Comment_302112 Fri, 15 Jul 2011 19:23:32 -0700 RandomEntity
But onto other things, finally trying to pull together this project and trying to make it into a short and then keep it rolling into a web series. Still need to do a ton of work first.
So yeah, that's been my week, I'm done bitching. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302126#Comment_302126 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302126#Comment_302126 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 00:02:13 -0700 chainsaw.serenade http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302127#Comment_302127 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302127#Comment_302127 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 00:53:02 -0700 Morac http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302141#Comment_302141 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302141#Comment_302141 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 06:07:04 -0700 roadscum So, they phone me up last night with a nice easy little job for saturday, two shops down on the south coast, 4am start but you'll be finished before lunchtime.
Now you can see where this is going, can't you? Every bloody time! ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302143#Comment_302143 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302143#Comment_302143 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 06:22:39 -0700 roadscum Anyway, i fell for it, did the two shops and then noticed they'd tacked on a collection up in Wembly. Ok, i can do that, puts an hour or so on the day but it's all overtime, i can do that.
So i turn up at the Wembly warehouse and the little chap in the office says 'stick it on bay 8, should be ready to load at...'
At this point I'll ask you to remember i started at 4am this morning, yes?
So he says ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302146#Comment_302146 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302146#Comment_302146 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 06:37:40 -0700 roadscum 'WHAT?'
'3pm, provided nothing else comes in'
There are days when i wonder if i'm not working for a bunch of lady's private parts. Fatherless ones.
Ok, all done, you can carry on reading now.
Ooh! I think i just saw a forklift... ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302148#Comment_302148 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302148#Comment_302148 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 06:53:29 -0700 allana speaking of which, we went out with a few of her friends last night; not sure if it's the crankiness speaking but i found them all tedious and self-absorbed. one of them actually stopped during dinner to update her blog via iphone. christ, christ. is that what people do on friday nights now? "i mean i know i came all the way here to situate myself physically among this specific set of people, but i just really need to make one more comment about justin beiber, okay?"
i'm hoping tonight's WC meetup restores my faith in socializing for one more week...

however, i might almost have two jobs. and my first catering gig in a few months went splendidly, ending in a free bottle of wine from my boss and maybe a third job offer. so that's cool. i'd really rather have a home than an income, though.

minus the bear - monkey! knife! fight! ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302178#Comment_302178 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302178#Comment_302178 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 08:55:22 -0700 texture
I'm kinda jealous of all these IRL meet-ups you guys are having. We British 'chapelers need to pull our socks up and arrange some sort of national gathering.

I'm snowed under with prep for my Edinburgh festival show - only got roped into it last minute, it's a one hour solo show, and I've decided to combine short fiction, poetry and original music. I have about 5 weeks left to write / compile it. Fun! Also involved in a collaborative project, which is also mixing my SF stories and electronic music, and hosting a weekly poetry cabaret... I thought I was gonna have a quiet August, but it seems not!

Played a gig last night - weird crowd, it was a private party, most of the guests were folk who worked together in an office, so as a result they all got realy hammered and were staggering drunk by the time our band came on. Still, had fun with the vocoder though (no, it doesn't make me sound like T-Pain!) and those that could stand and dance seemed to enjoy it!

I have 2 weeks of day-job left, then I'm a student again. Can't wait! A year of writing (full time) and teaching (part time) stretches out in front of me, so much better than another year of full time work... I know I'll leave debt-ridden and probably no more employable, but it is going to be one hell of an intensive year of writing and critical dissection, so I'm possibly more excited than I've ever been.

Life is good. No moans from me this week. Whitechapel, you are beautiful at all times. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302181#Comment_302181 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302181#Comment_302181 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 09:09:50 -0700 Neila I'm getting to work with other people(including an Editor!) on a major comic production in a capacity other than "flatter" for the first time (I did ink a comic for a friend awhile back, so that counts too but we didn't have a proper editor and what have you).
I am soooo excited ouo going to channel all this energy into work! :D Womanthology is going to be amazing guys. I get to draw a robot armadillo. XD

Also I got 4 fillings put in yesterday, so that was...fun... ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302192#Comment_302192 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302192#Comment_302192 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 10:07:55 -0700 texture http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302225#Comment_302225 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302225#Comment_302225 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 13:44:08 -0700 sellmeyoursoul
Now the bad. My phone is dying. Most apps crash before I can actually do anything. I'm torn between getting a new iPhone now (and if so, what size). Hunkering down to research what droid I would want, or waiting until September when the iPhone 5s are rumored to be coming out. I already waited until June and I'm not sure I can wait any longer without smashing the thing, as it's getting worse. Also, work is a giant shitstorm at the moment. I just got promoted, so I'm expected to take it with grace. I'm also leading a team, so I'm not just responsible for getting my work done, in spite of the fact there is too much to do in a day, but also to make sure theirs gets done. At least my paycheck will be a little bigger.

And the ugly. I need to find a place to live (common theme here, it seems). I've been at my mom's since my marriage ended two years ago, but I have less than a year before I have to be settled in a town with better schools than my ex's. Unless she changes her mind, she's agreed to give me custody of our daughter if I can do that. Otherwise, we'll be back in court and things will get ugly. None of this would be a problem except that I walked away from the marriage with 100% of the debt (10s of thousands of dollars) so a good third or more of my after tax income goes to paying that off. Of course the towns with the good schools are the most expensive, so I predict I'm going to live in a one bedroom, where the bedroom goes to the kid and I sleep in the living room. I dream of the day I live somewhere where I can spread out beyond one corner of a room. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302228#Comment_302228 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302228#Comment_302228 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 14:42:45 -0700 Aurora Borealis
It seems I can't be allowed to take any breaks from my self-imposed schedule, or else all manners of fuckups and excuses follow. Started drawing comics daily 2-3 days after I lost my regular job in December. Managed to keep daily work routine until mid/late March, thus making it three months of constant creativity. And then my tablet became useless and I got stuck with unfinished pages that I couldn't ink (neither digitally nor traditionally for I pencilled them in a sketchbook on BOTH sides of paper thus making it impossible to do anything with original art at all).

As I was waiting for the spare nibs (because of course Wacom Volito2 tablets did not come with any) I found myself doing nothing but occasional doodles and sort of preparing for a work on a b/w comic that was meant to be all pencils (in case the nibs took ages).

Well now I have spare nibs (and the tablet works mostly, but it appears it's not only the nib being worn out but the pen itself being somewhat battered and needing more pressure to get anywhere) but the unfinished pages are still unfinished.
And the b/w project is still stuck in occasional sketches!

So now I'm making a "visual random plot generator". Take 10k images of everything you can think of (people, places, architecture, furniture, dinosaurs, animals, views, stars, concepts, ideas, historical events) and select randomly a number of them. Look at what's on them, write a story using their elements, DRAW!

I'm at around 3k images + additional 3k in a folder needing sorting (filter out porn and too repetitive themes, heh). After the weekend I'm hoping to start generating and drawing ideas. Nothing fancy, short crazy comics, but yeah, I NEED TO START DRAWING COMICS AGAIN! *shakes fist at the asshole gods of artist/writer blocks" ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302230#Comment_302230 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302230#Comment_302230 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 14:50:23 -0700 TAL Tomorrow I'm gonna scrub the floor in my apartment. Less sweet! ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302237#Comment_302237 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302237#Comment_302237 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 15:41:54 -0700 Steve Toase Glockenspiel Girl at Sein und Werden, a story inspired by Mirror Touch Synesthesia
Page 1
Page 2
and
Beyond This Point at Weaponizer
Beyond This Point

Found out a local arts charity are going to pay me for one day a week to do their press for them.
To top it all went to an excellent open mic night in York on Wednesday, then spent today on a Writing on the Move creative writing course as part of the Harrogate Fringe Festival

We don't need no steenking knives ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302244#Comment_302244 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302244#Comment_302244 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 17:02:41 -0700 mojokingbee Ps: only had 2 alcoholic drinks the whole night, honest. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302245#Comment_302245 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302245#Comment_302245 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 17:36:42 -0700 RobSpalding Second fight happene near 1am. Couldn't see it but the landlord chucked everyone out.
AT least I got to see a guy dressed as Batman fall arse over tit off a chair and end up folded over on the floor unable to work out hw to get vertical again.
Batman fail. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302251#Comment_302251 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302251#Comment_302251 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 19:34:36 -0700 Kay Orchison
Taking the kids out to a mate's place now to eat all afternoon. Packing Bourke St Bakery rosemary and potato sourdough and a mushroom pie I made last night. Should be fun. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302256#Comment_302256 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302256#Comment_302256 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 20:24:13 -0700 razrangel
But way back then it was mostly ok because who expected a 12 year old to be constructing a career? and biking and swimming are summer things kids do... But the siblings are older and hunting their own avenues for money and whether it's seeking grant money for cheesy business ventures, selling used games and DVDs or what have you, I'm rolling my eyes. Though I have no right, really. I know all the work before me and I'm ignoring every last bit of it.

It's the parents fighting and siblings being crappy that's driving me up the wall. I know my family gets along better than quite a lot out there, but it's tolerance, not real commonality. And the truth is I still hate listening to my parents disagree. Because it's just my mom sounding like a whiny harridan while my dad pouts and refuses to man up to the things going wrong in the household. When I was 12 this hurt. Now it pisses me off and renews my feelings that I will never let anyone put me in the position of owing them anything. Well, specifically, the position of owing them love. Because I think that's what the marital vow is and if I ever take it someone please - I'm begging you - test me for extensive drug use. Maybe my parents do it wrong. I don't know. But I hate that after 35 years all they've really done is perfect their most aggravating tendencies.

Anyway, this week I've really just been avoiding the work I should be doing, namely settling on a producer for my demo and getting in contact. It's part laziness, sure, but I'm more likely hiding my fear behind that laziness. Because after that there's nothing but to go solicit work. There's nothing for it but to put it all on the line, time and time again. Ask to be accepted, probably be rejected and move on. Over and over. I love my voice classes and wish I could keep them up. But that's money out with none coming in. Meaning it's not the mature way to look at things. I may hate what capitalism brings out in people, but it's hard to think of a system that makes choices and the need for growth more stark. If want to grow up the rest of the way (borrowing probably my favorite Freak-line) I've got to suck up letting go of the handrails, not visiting my favorite places, take the training wheels off, whatever other metaphors you like. *sigh*

Speaking of class, and growing, this Wednesday I had the peculiar feeling of being ahead of the game everyone else was playing and behind where I needed to be. I got a lot of compliments from everyone, from classmates to the engineer to my own teacher. Now, the teacher is easy, she's been my coach across three classes now and we're verging on actual friendship. And because of that I'm a little frustrated because I want more detailed critique of my work. If over all I sold my classmates on my commitment, great, but I want to know if the performance is really there. If it's not ready to be pro I want to know what's missing. My teacher is a blast - she makes me laugh and tosses out comments that show off crazy fun ways to think of things, all of which calm my mind and ease my nerves - but I need to know in detail what I should be working on. Hmm. I don't know.

Anyway, the reason I'm frustrated with compliments (I know!) is that I listened to the MP3s of my booth work and didn't like them. I know I can't trust the part of my brain that judges my work. I'll hate it right when I do it and then I'll come back months later and find it wasn't so bad and plenty about it was pretty good. But the muscles I need for discernment right away are a bit out of whack. I have trouble hearing what everyone else is hearing and my analysis just doesn't line up. this is ungood for so very many professional reasons... I just don't know what to do about it. I mean, obviously I keep practicing but where do I focus? What did they like that I should make sure to keep? *sigh* This may just be another angle on the classic "but did they like me?" agony that everyone who's had to present themselves for judgment must suffer. We never know. Even when they applaud or throw things we don't know the central thing that brought that about because we can't see with their eyes and hear with their ears. But I seriously worry that if I just push for putting on performances that I think are top quality my broken brain will make sure I'm doing crap that never gets me hired. (Don't argue with my about my broken brain, I've got the psyche eval that says I'm not the best judge of myself.)

anyway, lazying away this weekend, this week, my life. I've got exactly one assignment with a deadline and it's to watch a bunch of movies. And I'm avoiding doing even that. Guh. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302262#Comment_302262 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302262#Comment_302262 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 21:33:20 -0700 CamyLuna
Today was spent with the wee one and the dog. We went for walks, had a lady come over with sample blinds, blew bubbles, watched choo choos on YouTube, spotted 5 big blue busses, had iced coffee (me) and watermelon (him), kissed through screen doors, giggled, went swimming (well mostly splashing) and made pizza.

I'm now watching latest stage of the TDF (Jens Voigt is a machine) and thinking about biking to the aquarium tomorrow.

I also need to write a letter that I may not send anywhere. I found out this week that someone I hadn't spoken to in years died a few years ago. We left things badly, and even though I had thought of apologizing - I never did. So, the letter may be to his mom, if she's still around. Or not. I'm not sure what to say. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302263#Comment_302263 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302263#Comment_302263 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 21:37:16 -0700 Fishelle
I broke up with my boyfriend, for good this time, this week. I guess that's the big news of my life. But basically no one I know in meatspace has heard about it. It would have been the Thing To Talk About if I'd done this post at the beginning of the week, but right now, I don't feel like I need to talk about it as much. I'm feeling pretty okay. It needed to come to an end. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302264#Comment_302264 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302264#Comment_302264 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 21:42:28 -0700 trini_naenae update of sorts on tumblr.

Some interesting bits:
4. I had a setback with trying to find a place. Finding a place to rent is near impossible - everthing gets snapped up fairly quickly. It seems that there are houses in the area being sold for impossibly low prices, so I might go that route. Of course, this also means some boring stuff that I won’t talk about here. I’m trying to get more hours at work and my mom thinks I should get a second job. I really don’t want a second job.
5. My mom found a letter from a friend in middle school to me when I was overseas in high school. It’s surreal, because I don’t remember a thing about it. I don’t remember the letter, or anything it is referring to, or anyone it mentions, aside from the person who wrote it. It’s also oddly religious, considering the person who sent it wasn’t.

I've mostly been in avoiding reality mode lately. Stupid, I know. Hopefully I'll get over it soon enough. There's a really cool drawing of me in the draw each other thread. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302281#Comment_302281 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302281#Comment_302281 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 01:15:15 -0700 lgenius That's what I get for leaving the house. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302293#Comment_302293 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302293#Comment_302293 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 05:08:55 -0700 JP Carpenter
My youngest daughter was three on Friday, she's now insisting on watching the Peppa Pig DVD that she got pretty much on repeat. I'm stupidly fond of her, I think out of my three daughters she's been the easiest to form a strong bond with, although I've got one with the older two it seemed so much harder. I think maybe that I've become much more grounded and generally more easy going. My eldest has always been quite challenging, she seems to share my temperament in an awful lot of ways which doesn't make for a good mix, and we fell out quite badly a couple of nights this week - she has an immensely strong sense of justice/injustice and if she thinks she's been slighted or wronged in any way she won't give up, and approaches things with a vehemence that just makes it all way worse - so a petty squabble turned into a two hour conflict. The middle daughter has much more emotional intelligence and knows when to stop and how to play people

I also hit a milestone in that I'm under 12 stone for the first time in probably 7 years... I think I should be about 10 to be 'right', I just need to keep going slowly and steadily as I have been. I think it's also to do with being off antidepressants for the first time in a decade - am really trying to keep that going and not cave in, it's touch and go but am hanging in so far.

And joined a Google+ with several lovely 'chappelers last night, hosted by the mighty Bob - was a cool thing to do despite the odd technical bastardry (DALEKDUCKORGY).

Peace to all... ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302297#Comment_302297 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302297#Comment_302297 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 05:36:58 -0700 government spy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302300#Comment_302300 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302300#Comment_302300 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 06:09:32 -0700 Kelind http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302302#Comment_302302 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302302#Comment_302302 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 06:30:31 -0700 government spy
The guy obviously trusts me, but because he said those key phrases, I have to break that trust and send him to the Lieutenant, who will most likely lock him up in suicide watch. It's technically for his own safety, but yeah, I totally violated his trust just now. As the escorting officer picks him up he gave me that look, like "Yeah, sure, you're doing this for me, thanks so much."

All his personal property will be taken away from him and secured, he'll be forced to wear an uncomfortable and itchy smock (that's impossible to tie into a rope to hang yourself with) and put into a solitary 24/7 observation cell, and only be allowed to use the bathroom under direct officer supervision. And that's supposed to make you not want to kill yourself?

Ugh. Part of the job that I hate, but the alternative is people killing themselves. This facility has been open 12 years, and has had one suicide. That's compared to most facilities that have at least one per year. So we're doing something right. But why do I feel like a piece of shit.

End rant.

There is no crying in Whitechapel.

EDITED TO ADD:
Well, he's not being put on suicide watch, but at least I feel comfortable that I did what I'm supposed to do: I alerted the proper staff to the fact that this guy is a little unstable, and they've set up for him to meet with the shrink. He knows I wasn't trying to screw him; and still feels comfortable talking to me, and doesn't look like he's going to hang himself immediately. So far, so good. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302317#Comment_302317 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302317#Comment_302317 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 09:25:02 -0700 RandomEntity http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302324#Comment_302324 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302324#Comment_302324 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 09:56:53 -0700 government spy
Normally I don't know what an inmate's charges are (unless they pose a security threat like military or police training, history with explosives, assaulting staff or previous escape attempts), or his sentence, but in this case the inmate told me. He has a re-entry charge, which means he was previously here illegally, was convicted (and did time) and deported and he came back anyway. The first time around, he was arrested for assault, and then they found out he was here illegally. (This is all assuming he was honest)

This time, it was assault with a deadly weapon, plus re-entry, and he mentioned he had other charges in the past as well. So according to the courts, the man is a violent offender, who keeps coming here illegally.

My opinion on his charges and his sentence are fairly irrelevant to determine my interactions with this inmate; other than the fact that it affects his mental well being.
It's possible the judge may have imposed a greater sentence than he normally would just for re-entry, but given this particular inmate's history, plus his attitude and his desire to blame everything on some sort of Mexican-Mafia conspiracy to have him killed and refusing to take any responsibility for his actions, the judge may have factored all of that in and added more time, which is legitimate as long as it fits within federal sentencing guidelines, which I don't know at the moment, but I'm sure they can be googled.

I hope I answered your question. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302325#Comment_302325 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302325#Comment_302325 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 10:00:19 -0700 icelandbob
then it's off to see my mother. So far she is sing rather well, considering she's just been through a shitload of Chemo and radiotherapy for her lung cancer. But we are not unduly worried. She's is too evil to die!

Right now my flat is cool and spacious. The cat is outside and Sigga is at her parents until tomorrow night. I have to start writing a feature about said local music festival, but i'M procrastinating a bit. I will try to start it tonight.

Oh and this Google + is getting rather interesting. Why? well as J0nCarp3nter mentioned we had a (Slightly drunken) Whitechapel chat last night on their huddle feature. Several people were there and we basically talked guff for the best part of an hour and a half. But it was all a lot of fun and everyone looked and sounded great, apart from Nigredo whose mic made him sound a bit like a malfunctioning dalek voiced by Donald Duck. I promise i won't inject hard liqour when we all next chat. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302350#Comment_302350 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302350#Comment_302350 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 13:03:45 -0700 CuppaJoe
Let's preface this by saying that I'm diagnosed with depression and now medicated (40ml of citalopram for any of you who understand such things). I don't feel depressed, as such, or maybe I do, part of this post is to explain how I feel so you can work it for yourself.

Anyway. Bit o' history.

I was signed off work with stress nearly a year ago, the result of a good eighteen months of overwork, changing deadlines, blurred goals and chronic daytime headache (amongst other physical symptoms). I was back about four months later, and on the pills.

Now, I remember, as a youngster, that I never really understood the effect of booze until the first time I got properly drunk. After which, I knew the sensation by degrees, I could feel it in myself and see it in others all the more clearly. Stress and associated depression is much like that, I realise that I've felt it on-and-off for years, but it wasn't until I 'broke' that I really got it.

Stress, anxiety, depression, whatever combinations of poison got me, it's just another brand of pain, put simply. And I can see it around me all the time, in the faces of others under duress, and in myself. And the prescribed drugs, well, Citalopram dulls me, it hugs my shoulders like a layer of frost. Sometimes it's good like that first chill sip of Staropramen on a too hot day, other times it's like iced water in the veins, it feels like aging, second by second.

It's net gain, though, which is why I still take it, but it has knocked an edge off my capacity to think, to create, to work.

The other thing is I'm professionally creative, a quick check of my CV reveals that I have been since 1998 (fuck). I've worked with some brands you know, probably, but I've never, not once, produced anything I'm proud of, either through work or in one of the hundreds projects I've done myself.

This bothers me, a lot.

A lot more than being depressed.

So right now, at work, we're in a transition phase. One project is ending and the next is revving up, I no longer have the 'profile' in the office that I once did, but I can live with that, I'm hiding a little bit, in the office, truth be told. Worse than that, I feel totally directionless as an artist, I have no drive, I'm not connecting to anything, I feel like a gear spinning into space instead of connecting with any machine that means anything.

I am ok, I have a lot of good things in my life, a fiance, a good family, a pleasant life for the most part. But in other ways I'm struggling.

Please excuse this outburst. ]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302355#Comment_302355 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302355#Comment_302355 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 14:09:12 -0700 Rachæl Tyrell
@razangel - it's frustrating when you don't get proper criticism. I've had the same issue. I know I'm not as good as I want to be / should be / could be, and when one only gets accolade, it makes it more difficult to move forward and leaves you feeling like you are treading water in mediocrity while getting awarded for not drowning. I'd felt that way for my paintings, mostly: "Yes, this IS only the fourth painting I've made in.... ever. Please don't compliment it. I don't care if it's better than you think it should be, if you think I should be pleased to have created this given my intermittant art output and limitations, that kind of encouragement does not help me! it's not as good as I think it should be, and I need to know how to improve!!!"

.....

While I had one roommate drawing at a Lost Circus themed benefit for a temple construction at Burning Man, another roommate working at a Lesbo Disco, I spent the night in, wrestling with the headache-that-will-not-die-and-likes-to-strike-whenever-it-fucking-likes, while (legally) medicating myself with Adderall (though I'm trying only half the recommended dosage), Vicodin (which is making me feel more and more like House every day), glaucoma eyedrops (which render me obscenely nearsighted for a good hour or more before they fade and allow me to see things, but only seem to improve my left eye), antibiotics (to rid the headpounding, which seem to be losing thier effectivness in everything but making me feel nauseated), and some other (slightly less legal) medication for glaucoma and nausea.

It's a sick person's party of one.

I want to like the Adderall. I really do. I mean, I really do exhibit ADHD type behavior, and it has given me to oomph to get a lot of things done that needed doing,(and helloooo weight loss!) but that's more likely something that's got to do with my brain being pressurized and my neurological systems not working right than it has to do with the common imbalances that cause ADHD in most. Also, as an appetite suppressant? BAH! I already have a problem with eating obsessively, feeling both full and starving at the same time, unable to ever NOT eat the entirety of a box or container of anything in one sitting. Now, I just eat faster, and more often. I've returned to smoking, now, just to keep me from constantly eating.

I did try to get some Modafinil instead, but the doc didn't seem down for that. Anyone have any suggestions of a nootropic type drug that a doctor would feel justified in prescribing me for what he feels is ADHD? I'm high strung. I don't think I need speed.

My money situation is far more dire than I'd thought, and I'm scrambling and brainstorming for ways to make it through til fall when I'll get my grants and loans and be financially stable and safe again. The headache situation isn't making this very easy. Oh, ebay objects. You are the poor person's savings bond.

I know I could borrow from friends if need be, but... christ I really hate being a needy hand-out person. Where can one get a relatively small 3-4 month loan?

I'll stop bitching. On to: The GOOD things this week... the really AWESOME things....

Well, for years now, I've not ben able to see the moon. I mean, I can SEE that it's THERE, but it is, to me a bright blurry doubled smear, even when closing one eye. I've not seen the face of the moon for a very long time. It's the kind of thing that, when speaking it aloud to someone, I start to get .... choked up. I'm one of those people who has great love for the night sky, and have gone to great lengths to view moonrises and moonsets and have literally fallen to my knees in awe at the sight of the stars meeting the horizon in inky black impossibility. I love the moon, and this has been a strange personal hell I've found myself in.

However.

I finally managed the timing of the eye drops with the lunar cycles and the clearing of the skies, and... Wednesday night, for the first time in I don't know how long, I saw the moon.

That same night, I hung out with my favorite person - a person I've not seen in months, who picked me off the ground with the force of his hug hello.

Also... I really do like where I live, and the people who surround me. For someone who often can't leave the house, my life is pretty interesting.

Here are some awesome pictures that Roommate Yao Xiao took of me recently with her film camera:





]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302368#Comment_302368 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10041&Focus=302368#Comment_302368 Sun, 17 Jul 2011 15:29:09 -0700 glukkake
I got my iPhone Games Development book and I had to change my pants, it is so awesome. I geek out for textbooks.
On Wednesday night, I went to a friend's place that she is housesitting. It's like I saw my future. A tiny, 2 bedroom house in Brooklyn with a backyard and fancy kitchen with a balcony. There were also two dumb, tiny boston terriers. And my friend, who is such a pretty lady that I admire and have a huge crush on. We tried to do some crafting together, but mostly just cuddled on the couch while watching movies & Game of Thrones. And whatnots.
From there, our friend who was also at Craft Night drove me and my other friend to our friend's wedding in New Jersey. It was a hilarious wedding that went well for so long - rehearsal dinner was totally sane, the wedding went off without a hitch (it had tiny Star Wars details like she was wearing a Millenium Falcon fascinator and R2s as wedding cake toppers) and the reception was also lovely. Open bar all night! We all got together and danced and sang the bride's favourite song from when we met at Drinking Thursday a long, long time ago in a bar that doesn't even exist any more. I forgot how much I missed her.
Of course, then after all that came the wackiness that is my friend and her now husband. We broke into the hotel jacuzzi, were threatened with arrest, a fist fight almost broke out and there were really uncomfortable drunken conversations had by all. It's hilarious to look back on. I used an iPhone app to make a panoramic photo of 13 people sitting behind a line of tables recreating the Last Supper. It seamed together beautifully and they were thrilled.
Came home Saturday afternoon to immediately go to the Lost Circus party Rachael mentioned. It's the first time in a long time I've been to a big huge party and wasn't assigned any manner of responsibilities. A lot of my friends were there doing different and beautiful things - live-drawing, aerials, playing music on stage, showing off videos, slinging some fancy as fuck absinthe, running beautiful music making machines, live silkscreening and just generally looking beautiful. My piece was sold off in the auction - I did a painting for the first time in over a year that was essentially for myself. It involved gold leaf that was leafed onto some organic size drips and splatters. I'm getting into playing with making grungy, organic splatters and shapes and brushstrokes into gold leafed creations. I love this medium. I met a beautiful woman at the party from Seattle who was equally excited about laser cutting and stencils and my gilding projects. I hope she moves here and we can be friends.

I'm depressed as hell these days, but the people around me are keeping the spirits high. Life can be so good and so cruel all at once. ]]>