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  1.  (10077.1)
    Title.
    Circumstances of experience.
    Reasons for soulchunder revulsion.

    GO.
  2.  (10077.2)
    By the way, I cheerfully declare this the first of (what will undoubtedly prove to be) many "Just Got Back From The Pub" posts, conceived and composed through a veil of wibbly beerfog, which may on occasions be smarter to ignore than humour. Mo' choice, mo' power.
  3.  (10077.3)
    Title: The Room
    Circumstance: Up in Edinburgh for a day or two heading up to Fort William to throw myself up a mountain. Visiting Magnulus, a very old friend of mine from way before Whitechapel existed, he feeds me delicious pizza and forces me to watch this abomination of a film.

    Reasons for soulchunder revulsion:

    Well there's this



    And then there's the trailer



    After I'd left Edinburgh I almost seriously injured myself twice in climbing related accidents. I fully blame The Room and not my own idiocy.
    •  
      CommentAuthorravnos
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2011
     (10077.4)
    I know a lot of people will have better ones than this... but... honestly...

    Cabin Fever.
    Some friends and I were hanging out during my first year at college and they said "Hey lets go see this new movie..." At the time I wasn't quite as big into movies as I am now, but I had heard nothing about Cabin Fever, but they were excited because Rider Strong was in it, who I didn't even know off the top of my head (they had to explain that he was in Boy Meets World...) So we went to the theater, grabbed some food, and sat down.

    And about 25 minutes later I wanted to leave. No plot, terrible writing. Terrible acting. Terrible camerawork. I literally thought my brain was going to devour my eyes for watching this loaded piece of feces. Honestly, the only fond memory I have of this movie, is my friend randomly yelling "Pancakes" for weeks afterwards, and the odd looks she got. That's it. And the only reason I DIDN'T get up and walk out was because it was the first time I went to a movie in Boston and didn't know how to get back to my dorm from the theater...

    Now I know better.

    Okay, so I know that's not the best example, but it's all I can think of right now...
  4.  (10077.5)
    Avatar
    Viewed in 3D at a high-end digital theater with awesome sound.
    Avatar was blatant populist drivel dredged out of other movies and dressed up with special effects. It can be seen as a pro-minority rights film, an anti-corporate film, an anti-military film, an environmentalist film, a new-age religious film, etc. This makes the movie play well anywhere in the world but for makes Avatar terminally boring for someone who has seen all the films Cameron plagiarized. Avatar's plot is generic evil-corporation sci-fi that went out of style with cyberpunk, but hopped up on speed instead of put out of its misery. This insipid pandering is compounded by awful dialogue that is mostly phoned in by bad actors who just want to get paid and go home. In his worst moments the Australian lead can't remember which accent to use. The script was clearly written to cycle through the same digital sets multiple times in order to keep costs down. And it was far, far too long. I could go on, but I think you can get the picture.
    • CommentAuthorStefanJ
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2011
     (10077.6)
    Back when I was a sense-of-wonder hungry teen dweeb in the 70s, I watched any number of stupifying genre films. "Plan 9 from Outer Space" has nothing on the low-budget, bad-sound-track, amateur acted crap that aired on lonely weekend afternoons. These weren't "bad funny" films of the sort that would end up on Mystery Science Theater. They were just bad.

    I'm thinking about one in particular. A "in search of bigfoot" movie that involved a bunch of students searching for the big guy. I recall starting watching it two or three times, but never got through it. It was so mind numbingly dull that I fell asleep each time.
    • CommentAuthorDC
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2011
     (10077.7)
    Tough question, I repressed a lot of movies and I can only come up with Catwoman.
    As usual I was slight interested in the movie because it's a comic adaptation and I even won merchandising from the movie on some magazine contest which I might have somewhere. I caught the movie on tv some years later and I decided to try it since I thought it couldn't be that bad despite what everyone said. Yeah, it's even worse.
  5.  (10077.8)
    Not the worst film ever, but certainly the worst I've seen in a long while.

    Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief.
    A friend insisted we go and see it, purely on the basis that it's based on Greek mythology and he was on a major Greek mythology kick at the time. We kept making objections along the lines of "Dude, it's a kid's film" but he insisted on the basis that "It's got minotaurs and shit". So we ponied up the cash and trooped into the cinema.

    The plot varied between hackneyed and incomprehensible, the characters did things that no sane person would actually do if they didn't have a plot to keep moving, the actors seemed to be terminally bored through the entire thing, the sidekick was if not an actual offensive racial stereotype then about as close to an offensive racial stereotype as you can get without actually being an offensive racial stereotype, and the dialogue - oh god the dialogue!

    "YOUR OMNIPOTENCE HAS BLINDED YOU!!!"

    We actually did end up having quite a good time because we quickly gave up on trying to appreciate the movie on its merits and just mocked the shit out of it. The friend who was so keen to see it ended up pointing out that at least each scene was better than the last - in the sense that it was closer to the ending.
  6.  (10077.9)
    This is why, when friends have ideas, you should stab them
    •  
      CommentAuthorsebfowler
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2011
     (10077.10)
    @Will Ellwood - Nice to see The Room getting top billing here.

    I must say I love watching these abominations, so I'm giving you my enjoyable worst films, rather than films I actually hate.
    Title: Birdemic
    Circumstances of experience: Some friends from uni get together and hold b-grade movie nights occasionally, someone brought this to the last one.
    Reasons for soulchunder revulsion: The acting, the use of in-camera sound (no actual mics as far as I can tell), the special effects (described as "like animated gifs"), the plot, the long and pointless shots of people driving. Pretty much everything. The trailer should speak for itself.


    Honorable mention goes to Lair of the White Worm, starring a young Hugh Grant.
  7.  (10077.11)
    Title: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

    Circumstances of experience: So...after the last shuttle launch, my gang and I went to subs for lunch. We were planning on going back to my friend Jason's to hang, but we notice we had a lot of time. Then the conversation turn to current movies, then to (that-which-shall-not-be-named). I lost the debate, especially since it was 2 against 1 and we brought one car.

    Reasons for soulchunder revulsion.: Oh god, where to start...the not-subtle sex jokes, the chest-beating-because-you're-obivisualy-compensating-for-something patriotism, the eye-raping visuals, the story that-makes-it-look-like-it-was-written-by-Helen-Keller-punching-furiously-at-a-keyboard-while-being-edited-by-a-sugared-up-three-year-old.

    Honorable Mention: Fast Five. Only because it makes a great movie to riff on, because of how stupid it's presented.
    •  
      CommentAuthorFoamhead
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2011
     (10077.12)
    Bad movies tend to pass out of memory like a case of the trots, thankfully, but I watched The Green Hornet a couple of weeks ago and the reek of it is still stuck in my mind-nostrils. Jaw. Droppingly. Awful. For so many reasons. It took every ounce of self-control to resist the impulse to turn it off every five minutes and ultimately left me pissed-off for making myself endure the whole utter pile of shite.

    The only surprising thing about it was that every name listed in the credits wasn't Alan Smithee.
    •  
      CommentAuthorBeamish
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2011
     (10077.13)
    Worst movie I go back to is the US Godzilla.

    Circumstances of experience: It's fucking Godzilla of course I'm going to see it. Plus, most of the cast don't mess up.

    Reasons for soulchunder revulsion: This is the only movie that made me (want) to walk out of the theater. Just terrible. I stuck it out because I wouldn't get my money back anyway. I loved how it was Jurassic Park in New York, because, we needed that. Also all the baby raptors -errr- Godzillas born in MSG.

    I need to scrub my brain now.
    • CommentAuthorScottS
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2011
     (10077.14)
    In The Mouth of Madness

    I refuse to recall the circumstances under which I saw it. I have tried to block out all memory of this horrible piece of utter crap and even for my fellow Whitcechapelers I refuse to relive it.
  8.  (10077.15)
    If I can be permitted to mention another horrifying stinker, Inspector Gadget.

    I saw an advance trailer for it about a year before it was released, which made it look like one of those cynical-yet-loving Generation X oriented reworkings of pop cultural classics that were so popular in the 90s (Brady Bunch Movie anyone?). Hell, it even had a premature ejaculation joke. I didn't bother to see it in the cinema, but when it showed up on TV I decided to check it out.

    I was floored by just how jaw-droppingly horrible it was. The humour (such as it was) was juvenile and sanitised (juvenile humour can be very funny, but not when it's bowdlerised to the point where it wouldn't offend an elderly spinster) the plot barely held together, the scene flow was jagged and confusing, and it was almost completely unwatchable. I stuck it out in horrified fascination just to see if it could get any worse - which it consistently did until the credits rolled.

    I suspect it was originally meant to be the hip and cynical movie suggested by the trailer, and was filmed as such, but some studio suits jumped in at the last minute and insisted it be turned into a children's film, resulting in a frantic hurry to cut something kid-friendly together out of the footage they had available.
  9.  (10077.16)
    The career of Godfrey Ho is like one huge worlds worst movie.

    I give you Ninja Terminator!

    "The ninjer empire is supreme and you have double crossed it!"



    "But will it BLOW my enemies UP?"
  10.  (10077.17)
    I hated Sideways, walked out of Peter Jackson's King Kong... but there's a special place in hell for The Company of Wolves, Neil Jordan's re-telling or re-imagining or re-conceptualizing... or some damn thing of Little Red Riding Hood. How bad was it? Bad enough that I remember the act of seeing it but nothing else.

    Circumstances of experience: I had just moved to Seattle the autumn before and my roommate was a HUGE fan of the Seattle International Film Festival and made a point of going to the Secret Series every year, which is basically a blind screening. Every Saturday morning, people queue up to see something. Could be old, could be opening next fall... it's a crap shoot. And my roommate thoughtfully (genuinely) bought me a pass.

    Unfortunately for all involved I was temping in a tech position that offered two shifts, very early mornings or very late nights, which we shuffled through so nobody had to do one or the other all the time and I'd just been shuffled from mornings to nights. So on four hours of sleep, I shuffled across town, stood in line for about an hour, stumbled to a seat and was treated to... this.

    Reasons for soulchunder revulsion: It's a story interspersed with four other stories based on the original Perrault version of Red Riding Hood with symbolism and... I think there was a lot of blood? And Angela Lansbury? And... uh... hrmmm.

    I did mention four hours of sleep, yes? I remember that I saw it, not what I saw. In fact, I have to look up the title whenever I want to talk about it because it's buried that deep. All I know for sure was that my friends were raving about it, the audience was ecstatic and I felt like I could have stayed in bed and had more realistic and believable dreams than that.

    I skipped the rest of the Secret Festival. It was a bit of a social blunder but damn me if I was going to lose any more sleep to that tripe.
  11.  (10077.18)
    Anger Management. An Adam Sandler film, but Jack Nicholson is in it, right? No.

    Nicholson's character is supposed to be so annoying that he makes Sandler's supposedly-sane character go crazy. I don't know if he succeeded, because this is the only movie I have ever walked out of. I took a nap during Transformers 2 because my friend wanted to see it. I sat thru The Expendables because I knew the explosions and sweaty muscles would make my date horny, and that actually paid off. I've endured countless rom-coms and more than a few teen slasher flicks. I watched Elf when a co-worker loaned the DVD to me in a misguided mission to bring joy into my life. But only Anger Management ever sent me to the lobby,
    •  
      CommentAuthorravnos
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2011
     (10077.19)
    @ScottS Aww... that's actually one of my favorite movies... since you didn't post anything else about the movie I suspect the simple fact that it was a B-movie bothered you?
    In The Mouth of Madness has great acting, an amusing plot, and a rather sickening sense of appeal for those of us with disturbed senses of humor. It has terrible CG, and the writing isn't always great (but isn't usually BAD either), but that's no reason to despise a movie that much.
    • CommentAuthortachyon42
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2011
     (10077.20)
    If you are a fan of zombie movies, 28 Days Later ranks probably pretty high on the list.

    The first 5 minutes of 28 weeks later does as well. Awesome opening to a zombie movie, terrible disorienting sequel following.