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  1.  (10077.181)
    I'm of the opinion that Zack Snyder is typical of many a comics fan in that he was so enamoured with the appearance of a story that he neglected to understand what made the story work.

    I assume you mean the kickass costume design, right? Right?

    Also, I'm not saying I'd admit to it publicly or anything, but if I came across a link for it, I'd want to see what Shark Bukkake would look like. Wouldn't the water, um... wash things away? Do they leave the water somehow? The logistics alone make that worth a few minutes of my life.
  2.  (10077.182)
    @ Alberto - I admit that I own Turkish Stars Wars on DVD. I'd rather watch that than the Star Wars Christmas special.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2011
    @William Joseph Dunn

    Which is worse, the Star Wars Christmas special, the Ewok Movie, or the Ewok Movie 2: Escape from Endor?
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2011
    Oh god, the rumors of another Jurrasic Park movie dredged up memories of a movie I'd managed to suppress for years, Carnivore.

    Carnivore came out shortly after Jurrassic Park in the way that many sub-B-rated, derivative horror movies will follow after a successful flick. Essentially, the government makes a dinosaur, sort of a Tyrannosaurus-sort-of-raptor-kind-of-thing. From what my hazy memory tells me, this thing's size changed shape regularly throughout the film, not for any real reason other than that the special effects guys kept fucking up (not unlike how the chief dragon in Reign of Fire changes shape several times). It was gory as fuck in the buckets of face blood variety, had horrible acting, and the special effects were shite. Thankfully I stopped it half way though but that's an hour of my life I won't get back.
  3.  (10077.185)
    @RenThing sure you're not thinking of Carnosaur? I remember seeing an article about it in some magazine when I was a kid and really wanting to see it. It has sequels! Still have never seen it.
    • CommentAuthor256
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2011 edited
    Essentially, the government makes a dinosaur,
    So much promise...

    Also, I actually liked Blade 3. Well, bits of it. Mainly:
    1) Some of the soundtrack (RZA samples The Velvet Underground? Yes.)
    2) The bit where Blade/Brooks/Snipes shames the preppie vampire hunters.
    3) "Blade. Ready to die?" "I was born ready, motherfucker."

    Ok, pretty much just those bits.
      CommentAuthorCat Vincent
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2011 edited
    For those who want such data - shark genitalia, how the fuck do they work?
    Short version - bukkake implausible.

    Back on topic: I saw an awful lot of VHS shite in the 80s. Anyone else remember Deathstalker 2, for example? Roger Corman recycling bits of at least 2 previous fantasy 'epics' with an admittedly sly element of self-parody.

    The one that just sprang to mind is The New Barbarians aka I nuovi barbari aka Warriors of the Wasteland?
    Key plot point: very butch hero is captured and gang-raped by 'The Templars', at end of film gets his revenge, killing the Templar leader by ramming said Templar's car from behind with a driveable giant drill. Subtle, yes?
  4.  (10077.188)
    @ RenThing - hands down the Star Wars Christmas special. seeing Harrison Ford have to mouth the words to some lame Christmas song is painful to watch.
  5.  (10077.189)
    Mazes and Monsters. Awful, awful film starring a pre-fame Tom Hanks, detailing the lives of a bunch of teens who're obsessed with a game that's (wink wink) totally NOT Dungeons And Dragons.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2011

    No, you're right, it was Carnosaur, and I don't know whether to thank you or hate you for correcting me because...oh god.
  6.  (10077.191)
    I'd want to see what Shark Bukkake would look like.

    Shark Bukakke is from Warren, actually. I can't find a link to it, I think it was in an old Bad Signal, but he was talking about an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise. He said it's the next step beyond "jumping the shark," where (and I'm paraphrasing from memory here) "the shark gets out of the water dressed in an SS uniform and jerks off in Fonzie's face. And mine!"

    Except in POTA, the shark was dressed as Abraham Lincoln.

    And I'm gonna stop now before I derail the thread.
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2011 edited

    (not unlike how the chief dragon in Reign of Fire changes shape several times)

    And THANKS a whole lot for reminding me of THAT piece a' shit.

    Okay, look. The central idea of the movie, that dragons have returned from a centuries-long hibernation and have managed to fuck the planet up... nothing wrong with that.

    Well, alright, there's a LOT wrong with it. But it could make for a fun movie, right? I mean, dragons dueling fighter jets in the ashen skies above, human survivors hiding in meat lockers to hide from the dragons' infrared sight, a queen-bitch dragon taking up nesting in the New York Stock Exchange (y'know, cuz dragons like their hoards of gold), and in the end, the humans are driven down into the old caverns the dragons were sleeping in, leaving the surface to those nasty ancient wyrms... that could have all been a giant, sticky ball of popcorn-scented fun. No great work of cinema, but still.

    Looks like it has the potential for fun, right?

    No... no, they decided to have most of the movie be about a bunch of people hiding in a castle (why a castle? I mean, besides to have that oh-so-medieval feel to things) AFTER the dragons have already taken over the planet. So, essentially, AFTER the part where anyone in their right mind would actually want to watch the movie.

    Oh, and then the randy Americans show up, with their tanks and bourbon and WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE HOW DID THEY GET OVER TO ENGLAND IN THE FIRST PLACE?! Also, you've got tanks and guns... why the FUCK, beardy angry American guy inexplicably played by universal heartthrob Matthew McConaughey, are you carrying around a fucking axe?

    Well, Alan, probably for the same reason the Brits holed up in a castle. Because it makes the movie seem so veddy, veddy clever.

    C'mon. Wouldn't you rather watch a movie that was nothing but 90 minutes straight of an RAF Harrier pilot in a dogfight with a dragon? Maybe that's just me, but somehow I don't think so.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    @Alan Tyson

    And THANKS a whole lot for reminding me of THAT piece a' shit

    I put forth the argument that the true point of this thread is to not suffer alone.
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    Oh, I agree entirely. No offense or actual anger meant!
  7.  (10077.195)

  8.  (10077.196)
    One of the few movies I've never seen to the end: Night Watch.

    After reading/hearing good things about it, me and my girlfriend bought it for a quid from Cex. We got about 45 minutes in, didn't really know what was happening and didn't particularly give a fuck either, then switched it off. The dialogue was fucking useless/clunky, the plot and action were utterly nonsensical (yeah yeah it's about vampires it's fictional and somewhat nonsensical I can live with that, but needlessly driving your car along the side of a building just for a gratuitous "action" scene can get fucked) and I wondered if it was an opinion that existed only within me and my girlfriend. We actually bought Day Watch first, then realised that it was the second in the series and decided to wait until we'd seen Night Watch. So yeah we wasted money on a sequel that we're never going to watch.
  9.  (10077.197)
    Day Watch is worse.
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    @keyofsilence and @Will Ellwood

    I happen to like both, although I can see where you're coming from.
    If you haven't already, please read the books. They are infinitely better.
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    @Alan Tyson
    Oh man... the dragon movie. About dragons... with dragons. Did I mention dragons?
    I only like that movie because of an 9 year on going inside joke.
    About dragons...
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    @Alan Tyson

    Well, that's good, but I wasn't offended or angered! Go civil thread go!

    You know what I'm surprised hasn't shown up here (unless I missed it)?

    Anything by fucking Uwe Boll. I mean, Bloodrayne? I bet Ben Kingsley is punching himself in the nuts every time he remembers that he was in it; his only saving grace is that he didn't die immediately after making that movie like Raul Julia did with Street Fighter so that his ending legacy film was a steaming pile of dog turd. I don't know who spews more bullshit, Uwe Boll or Nickelback, but I'd be willing to open that discussion in another thread.