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  1.  (10077.201)
    Again, you are all fools if you're watching these movies without playing drinking games. Reign of Fire: take a drink every time the big manly men grunt at each other. Fun happens!
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011 edited
    I think if I were to try that, my liver would immediately try to make me shit it out, just so it could escape.
  2.  (10077.203)
    I think any Uwe Boll movie is just a given. Although I remember watching Postal and being slightly amused at it. Don't say anything publicly about him though, he will fight you.
  3.  (10077.204)
    I didn't mind 'Night Watch' too much, but I did find that it was overrated and garbled by the end. 'Day Watch' was just unwatchable from the start.

    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    I'm convinced Uwe Boll is one of the greatest ever trolls.

    "Yeah, I'm gonna make the worst possible movies out of video game franchises you like. Wanna stop me? Too bad, I'm funded by ze Germans. You got a problem with it then why don't you come and fight me, skinny white nerds?"

    And then he literally boxed his critics.
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011 edited
    And then he made a movie about the Holocaust.
  4.  (10077.207)
    @Teaflax know...I kind of, want to see that.Horrible, Horrible things were done at Auschwitz, I've been to the Holocaust museum in DC and was pretty close to tears the whole way through it, and the dam kind of burst when I got to the human guinea pig section. That being said, most Holocaust/WW2 movies kind of gloss over the atrocities. Does the Holocaust needs it own "Passion of the Christ" though?
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    I can't fucking stand Uwe Boll, or 90% of his movies (and I've been tricked into seeing too many of his movies...) but I have this odd need to see all the Bloodrayne movies. I don't LIKE them... but I keep watching them...
    I think he's poisoned my brain meats.
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    Late to this thread. I've had two films at the top of my awfulness list since the mid 90s despite many attempts to knock them off

    Title: Jade
    Circumstances of experience: Bizarrely, a press screening for student rags.
    Reasons for soulchunder revulsion: A pre-CSI David Caruso still figuring out how to wear the sunglasses of doom. And act. This was also Linda Fiorentino's first notable film after The Last Seduction. Cue soul-crushing disappointment that Jade wasn't cool, clever, slick, dark, compelling or indeed anything else that TLS was. Even the poster was crap.

    Title: Ninja Dragons (apparently also known as Magic Kid)
    Circumstances of experience: Trip to video shop to hire Karate Kid. Wasn't in so got this instead. Looked similar
    Reasons for soulchunder revulsion: Blind hedgehogs in paper bags can act better. Small pieces of orange peel have more charisma. Don "The Dragon" Wilson, star of various bloodsport films commits an Arnie and tries a. acting b. being Mr Miyagi in a kids film. Even Stephen Furst (Flounder in Animal House) is just relentlessly awful.

    I'd say I feel cleansed for getting that out now, but they're still in my head. Sadly.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011

    Get drunk and watch them with some gamer friends. Argue about which clan the vampires are.
  5.  (10077.211)
    Jade was also the first film by Joe Eszterhaus after he got the 1st ever million-dollar script sale for Basic Instinct, I believe... and it was directed by William Fucking Friedkin... tragic.

    Shall I open a wee can of worms? I genuinely think No Country For Old Men is one of the worst films I have ever seen. Any takers?
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    @Cat Vincent :It's certainly got one of cinema's worst harircuts in it. It & Dumb and Dumber...
    • CommentAuthor256
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    @Cat - I think Showgirls came between Basic Instinct and Jade. Eszterhas might have the most fucked up career of anyone in Hollywood.

    Re: No Country For Old Men - I wouldn't say I enjoyed it a great deal, but I don't think it's a bad film. It might be a bit slow... turgid... impressed with its own seriousness... But on the other hand, the acting was pretty good, the cinematography artful, and the story relatively daring (in Hollywood, at least).

    Most of all, I appreciate it for being uncompromising - which might be what people don't like about it - because I'm tired as shit of films that are compromised into being nothing at all.

    I dunno - what did you dislike about it?
      CommentAuthorCat Vincent
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011 edited
    256: I hated all the characters, found the drawled Texan homespun wisdom excruciating and consider Anton Chiguh the single dumbest and least menacing professional assassin in movie history. Rowan Atkinson's Johnny English is a more convincing wetworker. The gimmick coin-toss, the "Friendo" speeches and that fucking cow-killer plus 100lb tank... nah.
    Much of it looked pretty but I didn't believe a word of out of anyone's mouth at any time.

    There Will Be Blood, in comparison, held me spellbound from start to finish.
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011 edited

    I think that proves my point.

    @Cat Vincent

    I'm going to have to second There Will Be Blood... It's a fantastic piece of filmmaking. As for No Country for Old Men I don't understand how Javier Bardem got an Oscar for standing around and looking menacing. It's not that he did a bad job, it's that there was no complexity to the role. Chris Klein could have done it just as well.
    • CommentAuthorStefanJ
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    There are many excellent movies which I will probably never see again. There Will Be Blood is one of them. Amazing movie. But so damn brutal.

    Likewise Children of Men. It includes some action shots that run seamlessly for minutes. And one of them includes what can only be called a moment of redemption for humanity* amidst such squalor, petty hatred and awfulness that had me wondering if mankind was better off dying out and leaving the planet to the cockroaches.

    Soldiers on the stairs breaking down crying at the sight of the first baby born on Earth in 18 years, and the hard bitten officer instantly calling for a cease fire in a horrific war zone.
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    hrm. i liked Reign of Fire.
    i'm gonna have to second/third/carry Inland Empire on this one. that said, i finally watched Logan's Run a few months ago and that got pretty brutal after the first twenty minutes.

    i want some MST3K now.
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    @StefanJ I felt the same way about Pan's Labyrinth. Amazing, beautiful, heart-rending film that I just can't sit through again because the horrible bawlingweepingDOOM that settled on me in the theatre was embarrassing enough the first time.
  6.  (10077.219)
    Reign of Fire is unfairly maligned because it's a completely different movie than the marketing made it look like. It's a post-apocalyptic survival movie where the apocalypse happened to be FUCKING DRAGONS, and it was sold as ARMIES OF FUCKING DRAGONS DOGFIGHTING ATTACK HELICOPTERS OVER LONDON!
  7.  (10077.220)
    @Cat Vincent - Oh please, Deathstalker III - The Warriors from Hell is where it's at.

    My favorite scene is right at the end where the rebels are attacking the castle and the same overhead shot of swordfighting is recycled three or four times. Right down in the corner of the screen one of the fighters is waving his sword back and forth through thin air. There's no-one within yards of him, but he just keeps on trying to take down the atmosphere itself!

    On another subject, who can forget the Majesty of Kiss meet the Phantom of the Park?

    Gene Simmons destroys a hot dog stand