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Culturegasm: Worst. Movie. Ever.

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  1.  (10077.61)
    @Fishelle- Pity we can't consider the jello-salads the worst of the worst. I had a great great great aunt who made them. Stuff of legends, stuff of horrors....
    • CommentAuthorScottS
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2011
     (10077.62)
    @ScottS Aww... that's actually one of my favorite movies... since you didn't post anything else about the movie I suspect the simple fact that it was a B-movie bothered you?
    In The Mouth of Madness has great acting, an amusing plot, and a rather sickening sense of appeal for those of us with disturbed senses of humor. It has terrible CG, and the writing isn't always great (but isn't usually BAD either), but that's no reason to despise a movie that much.


    Maybe we've seen different versions of the same movie? We are talking about the John Carpenter piece of utter dreck, right? I mean, I love b-movies. I will sit through Tremors, the Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai, Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins and any number of Bruce Campbell movies (because Bruce Campbell is in them, natch). But In The Mouth Of Madness is the kind of movie that is so bad that when it's over not only was I pissed off that I'd spent the (what was it at the time... I can't recall the ticket prices) whatever amount of money it was... but there were two girls in the row ahead of myself and my friend who summed it up perfectly: "What the fuck was that and why did wewatch it" .... I could not think of a better review.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCamyLuna
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2011
     (10077.63)
    Once

    I was watching it on DVD at home - my husband probably falling asleep on the sofa.

    I guess I was expecting it to be great, and it was just really tedious. I kept waiting for something to happen that was meaningful or that touched me in some way, but it just dragged on and on. It's a very "counting spoons" movie. The production values even got on my nerves after a while. One of the shots had a boom or something in it which set me off. Even if you're making a film for next to no money, there's no excuse for a boom in the shot. (See - it upsets me even now.)

    A lot of people absolutely love this movie. Not for me.
  4.  (10077.64)
    But In The Mouth Of Madness is the kind of movie that is so bad…

    It's that bad. The first half of In The Mouth Of Madness is a decent attempt at weird meta-fiction parody of superstar horror writers, 80s/90s noir films, and 80s/90s movies about the interaction of men and women in big-city corporate jobs. It isn't until about halfway through that the plot explodes into Stephen King attempting to channel Lovecraft during a bad acid trip, and even then it's still kind of humorous. John Carpenter movies are really like Bruce Campbell movies—you're watching for the artists, not for the art.
  5.  (10077.65)
    The saddest part is that the worst movies I've ever seen were all in the theatre.

    Horrible movie 1: Til Human Voices Wake Us
    I went to see this on accident, I was actually supposed to go to a screening of another awful movie (Final Destination 2) but they substituted this insanely dull, pretentious piece of garbage instead. SPOILER ALERT: True love = necrophilia.

    Horrible movie 2: Godzilla (US)
    I saw this when I had the flu. Two horrible tastes that taste horrible together!

    Horrible Movie 3: The Exorcist: The Beginning
    Another free screening (a perk of working at a theatre prior to the bootlegging renaissance) this movie made me feel physically ill because it was so over-the-top bad. It was the first movie I saw that made me feel like the film makers had actual contempt for their audience. The next was the first Bay Transformers movie.

    Horrible Movie 4: Transformers by Michael Bay
    Due to Steven Spielberg's Executive Producer credit and "heartfelt" internet video about how much he enjoyed and respected the property, I have boycotted anything he's done since.
  6.  (10077.66)
    This is a painful thread to read. Half the time you are nodding - exactly, exactly! - half the time you want to jump up and yell "NO, that movie was brilliant because...!" :)
    •  
      CommentAuthorLazarus99
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011 edited
     (10077.67)
    ^yep...
    My contributions...both Aussie, too...
    Bloodlust
    Vampire movie that looked really cool in the cover pics...turned out to have apparently been filmed on a video camera with a red filter for the whole movie! Add to that dodgy acting, plot, FX and laughable makeup...time for eyebleach.
    Well, I can't seem to find a hotlinkable picture or video, to here's the IMDB link

    Bodymelt
    I have no words...except "intraphenomelogical"...I dunno, just watch the clip...
  8.  (10077.68)
    I know I already mentioned Revolver, but did anyone hate The Human Centipede as much as I did? I was expecting it to be some fucked up culty awesome bit of cinema according to reviews, hearsay and hype. Instead, what I got was absolutely fucking awful acting, what can only loosely described as a "plot" and gore that was more funny than anything else. Even now anyone who sings its praises on my facebook feed makes me want to type a barely coherent stream of obscenities punctuated by all-caps and the suffix "YOU ARE A MASSIVE CUNT". It tends to be the metalhead guys on my list that enjoy the film, which makes me wonder if heavy metal really does give people brain damage.
    •  
      CommentAuthorDextra
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
     (10077.69)
    The worst movie I've ever seen is Hell-ephone. It's not likely you've heard of it unless you were in it, or you've been forced to watch it. I was both in it, forced to watch it, and I pull it out to force others to watch it on occasion. My brother was one of the college kids. I believe his character was named Rick, he was the long haired kid. The only one of the hapless victims that actually had a gun, but apparently too stupid to know how to use it. I had a couple of bit parts, but my character Sara was the only person in the movie to actually be killed via phone. With a title like that, you'd think there would be like exploding cell phones or ones with spikes popping into people's ears or something of the sort. No, just some random nonsense tossed together.

    And whatever I was doing to post videos here in the past no longer works, so here's a link to the trailer if anyone wants to see.
    •  
      CommentAuthorD.J.
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011 edited
     (10077.70)
    Crash - the one that won an Oscar for best film. (As far as that goes, honorable mention to Slumdog Millionaire.)

    It's just 2 hours of racist people complaining about racism. Yes, we get it, people are hypocritical. Also, I didn't realize it's possible to have plotholes in a movie where nothing happens. Basically a whole bunch of people told me it was good so I checked it out, then I forever regretted it.

    I would also like to back up In the Mouth of Madness. I am a John Carpenter fanboy, and it is a fun movie.
    • CommentAuthorSolario
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
     (10077.71)
    I love Zardoz so much, but I'm not sure I actually want to watch it again. Great choice.

    And I would also like to back up In the Mouth of Madness. It is not a good film, but I've never been bored watching it. And it gave us this:


    I'll agree with the sentiment concerning Crash, the Oscar one. It is definitely one of the worst films I've ever seen.
  12.  (10077.72)
    Matrix 2

    Possibly because I paid for it THREE times, heh.

    In the past, two of my friends bought me tickets to various movies, so when the second Matrix movie came out and they were broke I thought "hey, I have money, you want to see it, let's go!".

    The problem: EVERY FIGHT SCENE WAS TOO LONG! Yes, nice special effects, sure, it looks cool but... but... MOVE ON! GODDAMMIT MOVE ON! I DON'T WANT ANOTHER TEN MINUTES OF THE SAME FIGHT!
    Observation: someone looked at the script and went "hey, this thing's about 20 minutes too long for a single movie, let's split it in half!"... and so they did and padded the hell out of it.

    Never bothered with the third one.

    Oh yeah, speaking of Antichrist? I saw it... TWICE! Might watch it for the third time somewhere in the future.
  13.  (10077.73)
    As a high school student, Sin City with my mother.
    • CommentAuthorAnanzitusq
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
     (10077.74)
    I still don't know how I got sucked into watching the last two Matrix movies. Oh wait, yeah I do, it was the hip thing among my friends and I was curious to see how it would go. Besides, I figured that I payed to see the second Matrix, might as well see how it all ends.

    I like to believe that those two movies never existed, and its just The Matrix.


    What is the opinion for SHOWGIRLS? It's gone over to that "so bad its good" category but its also terrible. I mean, I love it because of the insanity. Better yet, has anyone ever seen the cut they sometimes show on VH1 that makes the movie even more incoherent and possibly into a weird art house flick?
  15.  (10077.75)
    @ Ravnos: I did see 'Turistas' and it is an incredibly slow, pointless and boneheaded film. The 'Hostel' films I just wasn't interested in and the same goes for the 'Saw' sequels. Like you I enjoyed the first one. However, I think that 'House of 1,000 Corpses' is well in the same tedious and bad territory as 'Turistas'.

    @ keyofsilence: I tried to watch 'The Human Centipede' and gave up. Similar reasons to yourself and adding utter boredom to the list.


    Will
    • CommentAuthorepalicki
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
     (10077.76)
    Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc.

    Badly acted, incoherently plotted -- which is saying something, because, you know, the plot is all laid out there for you in history books -- tedious and pretentious. And also: Luc Besson hates British people.

    I wanted so badly to leave the theater, but I was with a friend and didn't want to ruin his night.

    After the movie, my friend turned to me and said "I wanted so badly to leave the theater, but didn't want to ruin your night."

    I love early Besson, but he's never really lived up to the promise of Leon or La Femme Nikita.
    •  
      CommentAuthorravnos
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
     (10077.77)
    Oh.. oh shit... Human Centipede? How did I forget about that...

    Oh yeah... that's probably the worst movie I've ever seen.
    I watched it after a friend at work told me how it made his girlfriend vomit (a plus, I didn't really like his girlfriend).
    That movie was just all kinds of "Wait... why the fuck am I watching this?" But I saw it through.
    Only movie I ever fell asleep during, without turning it off and finishing a short time later, was Tomb Raider though... Which I didn't think was bad, I was just tired.

    But yeah... Human Centipede... that movie was fucking awful...
  18.  (10077.78)
    I know I already mentioned Revolver, but did anyone hate The Human Centipede as much as I did?

    I had blocked that film out of my memory until you brought it up. I actually watched that entire thing, beginning to end. The Human Centipede pretty much defines prurient. The only purpose it serves is to prove that John Waters' early movies really are art and there is a great deal of room for something to be even worse than Pink Flamingos.

    Crash is just sanctimonious Hollywood crap. It's nice to know that all those actors are so concerned about racism that they got together and did a boring movie about racism. Instead of spending the money on a good biopic about Martin Luther King Jr. or something. But Crash is not a genuinely bad movie, because it is at least competently written, acted, directed and edited. Crash is just competently fucking boring.

    Showgirls is wonderful because it was clearly intended to be a terrible film. Eszterhas and Verhoven deserve lifetime achievement Oscars for conning a studio into giving them $45 million to make a campy B movie about…whatever the hell that movie is about. I can't stop laughing long enough to really understand it.
    • CommentAuthorScrymgeour
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
     (10077.79)
    erm....be cool

    reason for seeing: Get Shorty

    reson for soulchunder revision....everything. THAT kiss, the black eyed peas, the terrible acting....just...just shit
    •  
      CommentAuthorWill Couper
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011 edited
     (10077.80)
    Oh yes 'Crash', another film I couldn't watch much of. It just infuriated me, because the characters were pitched at caricature level and the sledgehammer anti-racism message takes over from AN ACTUAL FUCKING STORY.


    Will

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