Not signed in (Sign In)
  1.  (10077.81)
    You guys hate some of the best movies.

    I, on the other hand, love some of the worst.

    Here is Samurai Cop (1989)

  2.  (10077.82)
    Jesus, you people. Most of those movies aren't that bad, you just have to be in the right frame of mind.

    There is no right frame of mind for this one.


    Me and wifey just taking leave of our senses back in 2008.

    Not bad the first 1/3, they actually alternate the songs and dialogue. And the final 1/3 has degenerated into a concert, with song after song after song, so okay, this is a concert, not a movie.

    But that middle. That middle. I've rarely cried laughing. Fresh tears were literally dropping from our cheeks. Both of us. Both cheeks. Pierce Brosnan thinks he's too cool to sing, so he speaks his part of the song. Then he warms up and sings anyway, and you wish he'd go back to talking. Then he chases Meryl Streep up the hill singing, and he stands on a cliff and throws his hands in the air right when Streep hits the big note. Wifey yells "now jump off the cliff!" and we both die.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
    I mentioned this thread to my wife last night. She gave me the most annoyed look and asked, "Did you say Max Payne? Because if you did not say Max Payne the hurt I will bring down on you will be mighty."

    You see, I made her go see Max Payne with me. This is why she is angry.

    I loved the Max Payne video game. It had an interesting feel, I thought the story was cool, and, really, crying babies have never been so creepy/annoying. So when they made a movie I dragged her along.

    I should have remembered the lesson I learned about watching movie adaptations of video games I learned from Doom. That I forgot said lesson after the Super Mario Brothers movie is beside the point.

    God, Max Payne was bad. Apparently Mark Wahlberg's leather half-coat of emo-ness can stop shotgun blasts at nearly point blank range but not a couple of rounds from a hand gun. The trailers feature these weird, dark, sort-of angelic beings going around murdering people and I was very disappointed to find out that those are just the hallucinations people have when they're on a drug that, among other things, seems to cause them to shake their head a lot and make strange noises somewhere between an angry dog with a head cold and someone pretending to be an angry dog with a head cold while on drugs.

    The reason why this is bad? Two hours of my life down the tubes and I paid full admission price for the privilege.
  3.  (10077.84)
    Mine wasn't so much that the film itself was bad, although I can never watch it again. It was the whole experience. It also qualifies as my "Worst. First. Date. Ever!" story. I was in college and I'd been chatting up a lovely girl in one of my classes for a while. I finally got the balls to ask her out and got a yes. Brilliant! I suggested a movie. She thought it sounded good. I went to a film school so I heard of a lot of films at the more art house cinemas. I wanted to impress this girl (who was a film major), so I suggested a film that all my friends said was amazing. I never really got any more information than that (NOTE TO SELF: Never a good sign). So I suggested Leaving Las Vegas. She had heard the exact same things and thought that sounded like a great idea.

    Now for those of you who haven't seen it, it's about a man who goes to Vegas to drink himself to death and the hooker he befriends. It is not a happy feel good romp and really not written to get anyone laid.

    So the night of the big date comes and I pick her up at her dorm, which was on the other side of campus/Boston's Public Garden. When I got there there were several other guys milling about. She explained that they lived on her floor and wanted to come see the movie with one of those "I'm too polite to say no, but I'm really sorry" faces. OK, sure. It's a movie. We walked to the theater with a small group of manic guys trying to impress her in our orbit. She's polite but seemed to want to focus on talking to me. Nice. Then the film started...

    I'm uncomfortable pretty much from the start because this is totally NOT a date movie. As it progresses I periodically check on her and she goes from slightly uncomfortable to genuinely upset, but insists everything is OK when I ask. The film ends and we leave with the same group of morons bouncing around us. She is very disturbed and explains that the movie hit a little close to home, but won't say any more. When one of the boys does something "funny" she laughs and plays along and then gets quiet again when it's just the two of us.

    We go back to her room to hang out. When we are alone she opens up. The woman who raised her as her mother in an alcoholic. In runs some of those guys doing something stupid and she becomes all smiles and laughs until they leave. Her actually mother was on heroine while pregnant with her and she's had some health issues to deal with from that. A burst of more unexpected hilarity from the locals. She was raped. The boys are back... ha, ha, ha. Twice. It went on like that all night. I liked this girl and wanted to be supportive. I also didn't want to be the guy who freaks out and leaves because a woman opened up and shared something traumatic that happened to her. At around 5 am, it finally seemed like it made sense for me to go home. We said our awkward good nights.

    This is when I needed to walk home. Normally I'd walk through the public garden, but at 5am, no way in hell. I took the long, well lit way around. About a block and a half away from my dorm a car passed me slowly and the driver eyed me. Perhaps it's my general paranoia or that intensity of the night, but I was taking notice of everything that I encountered. Less than a block away from my dorm, that same car pulled up beside me and the driver leaned over and asked if I had a light. I said I didn't and then the man dropped out of sight as he reached for something down on the floor of the passenger side. I have no idea what it was because I began running faster than I'd ever run in my entire life. I didn't stop until I was inside my building, expecting a bullet to the back the entire way.

    So yeah, Leaving Las Vegas, my worst cinematic experience ever.
  4.  (10077.85)
    I think frame of mind is what the whole "circumstances of seeing" is all about. Brief example: I went and saw the Clive Owen King Arthur in the theater, and walked out after about 15 minutes. It was so godawful it was painful. But that's because of the frame of mind I was in when I saw it--I just wasn't in the mood to see that kind of thing. But I can make a drinking game of watching it, or a movie like Ultraviolet where you drink every time the camera swirls around the characters, for example, and have a blast watching the same steaming pile you might otherwise scream to the gods for allowing to be created.
    • CommentAuthor256
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
    @sellmeyoursoul - I think that wins it for worst possible overall moviegoing experience. By quite a long shot.

    @Ananzitusq - Yeah, I liked Showgirls. It's bad, but it's enjoyably bad. And it does have one thing going for it: It's not halfhearted. Unlike a lot of generic Hollywood movies that are shitty, but so forgettable that they don't even make it onto lists like this.
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
    Samurai Cop beats out Troll II and Manos as the best worst movie for me. It has to be seen to be believed. It is awful but entertaining the whole way through. AND it has Robert Z'Dar.
    There are plenty of films that I can't sit through, that is easy, but a horrible film that makes me sit through the entire thing, is a gem.
    Any of Godfrey Ho's ninja films from the 80's are gems.
    Try to find Ski Wolf. It is not good.
    Find Get Even. A vanity project from an LA attorney. NOT GOOD.
    Get Even
  5.  (10077.88)
    I would have to third the mention of "Crash". I would add "Traffic" for similar reasons.

    I saw "Batman Forever" mentioned, but I think "Batman and Robin" is even more unwatchable (I'm the biggest Batman fan and even I can't get through it). Speaking of bad comic book movies, I would say "The Spirit" was as bad as "Batman and Robin" and considering the source material, "Watchman" was horrible too.
  6.  (10077.89)
    This is a tough topic; so many pile of shit films hit the theaters week in/week out, year in/year out. But since you ask.. I do have a story about one of the worst movies I've ever seen in the theater: Spiderman 3.

    Now, I never was too big a fan of Spiderman in general, speaking as a comics reader. I do understand why he's such a popular character though, the themes are universally relate-able and Peter Parker is someone you genuinely want to root for. I didn't think the first two films were anything amazing -- the second one was probably better than the first -- but they were solid comic book adaptations (especially for their time; before every B, C, and D-list character had their own fucking three picture deal). So after seeing both those I figured I would go see the third movie with my bro. Here's the catch: me and him get drunk (not completely shitfaced or anything, but sufficiently drunk) before going. Not only that, but we smuggle in beers for during the movie. When we get there, the theater is totally packed to capacity. This wasn't opening night or anything. There were single seats sprinkled throughout, but hardly any pairs -- much less triples -- at all. Except for the first row.

    So we're sitting there, watching this box office garbage in the first row, drinking our cans of beer and kinda making fun of the movie the whole time. And even when we weren't, we were bullshitting about other stuff and just generally not caring. At least I had a good time. HA.

    But that isn't the story.

    The thing ends and the credits come up and behind us the majority of the theater starts to applaud and actually cheer a little. We just couldn't believe it. We looked at each other completely baffled. I mean, it's a good 80% of the (packed to capacity) stadium-style theater cheering for this awful, awful movie. So I decide to stand up and turn around, wobbly and hazy and smelling like heavy beer and cigarettes and probably another substance. There I am, standing at the bottom of the screen in the dead center, the bottom most part of the projector hitting just the top half of my face. I don't know what came over me... but I just let out a really, REALLY loud "FUCK YOU" at the entire theater of movie goers. I mean, this was -- so far -- probably the best, most authoritative, most pitch-perfect timed "fuck you" of my entire life. And you wouldn't believe it if I told you, but the whole damn place gets quiet again. I swear. Not only do people stop clapping/cheering, they stop the post-movie conversations they're having, they stop everything. And they all just stare at me, and no one says anything back to me (which was shocking). So I look down at my brother, who's still sitting. He kinda shrugs, I kinda shrug, and we get up and leave. And everyone just sits there, in a "fuck you" induced silence, and watches the two of us leave the theater.

    It wasn't til later that we realized how hilarious that actually was/is.
    • CommentAuthorAnanzitusq
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
    I didn't hate Watchmen as much as I expected. I took it that it was ambitious and considering that any adaptation couldn't really measure against the source material, it was at least passable.

    I'm still unsure how to feel about The Informers though.
  7.  (10077.91)
    i would say The Happening, but i realized if you watch it as a comedy its pretty funny (i mean marky mark as a scientist ).
    but i would put all other m night shyamalan movies on the worst movies list
    also freddy got fingered was pretty awful
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
    also freddy got fingered was pretty awful

  8.  (10077.93)
    Well I do have to say that Final Destination 2 is my favorite movie name ever just due to the utter lack of self assessment required to put that up in big block letters - just edging out Saw Two (because you can say "I saw Saw Two too!").
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011 edited

    The vid title says it all.

    Gary Busey in MANEATER.

    Honorable Mention to House of the Dead 2

    Biggest let down for me?

    The editing made it unwatchable and boring.
  9.  (10077.95)
    Slightly off topic, but as kids my brother and I saw a puff piece about bad movies on some third rate current affairs show. A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinoasur Hell was heavily featured. We misheard nymphoid as nimboid and assumed it referred to one of the many wanna-be Schwarzeneggers featured in the footage they showed.

    To this day I refer to any muscle-bound meathead I encounter as a Nimboid :)
    • CommentAuthorStefanJ
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011

    How could I forget.

    A few years back I went with my parents to a strip-mall discount cinema that had a foreign movie night. My parents are long-time movie buffs; my father taught film appreciation classes for many years. So we're not talking about rubes confused by subtitles and foreign ideas.

    We saw Dancer in the Dark, starring Bjork as a single mom, working in a factory while slowly going blind. She gets framed for a murder; legal hijinks ensue.

    It was so dreary, with murky cinematography and puzzling dance sequences, that we walked out.
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
    American Beauty, because it is exactly the kind of meretricious pretentious bullshit that a pinhead hollywood mediocrity would consider profound.
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
    FWIW, the Christopher Nolan Batman movies (in fact his whole body of work) is pretty well-served by the above description, too.
  10.  (10077.99)
    Inglorious Basterds. I was promised two hours of Brad Pitt and company, killing Nazis for two hours, and instead I got a small story about a girl's revenge. Mostly I felt lied to by the marketing people.

    And Quentin Tarantino's scripts have just sucked after Kill Bill.

    Bonus: Saw it with my mom and grandparents. I'll never forget the look on my grandmother's face during the theater burning scene.
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011 edited
    "Johnny Sunshine: Maximum Violence"

    I actually sought this out based on reputation. I was not wrong.
    There is not a single redeeming quality to this movie I could find. Not one.
    Save, perhaps, as a warning to others.