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    • CommentAuthorThe Brad
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011 edited
     (10077.121)
    Lost Highway.

    I know there are worse movies, obviously. But never have I been more infuriated than when I first experienced Lost Highway. For the record, I loved what I had seen of David Lynch's movies at the time, some of them more than others, i was 15 or so and trying to absorb movies one director at a time, so I was excited when I popped the VHS in.

    Its a movie that seems to challenge you to stop paying attention, by getting you to pay such close attention to what the fuck is going on because its so easy to get lost and think 'am I missing something?', that you actually begin to wear your mental faculties to the bone and then just check out and say 'fuck this movie'. Abstract is painful to me when I feel it is one of two things: a crutch to cover up a lack of craft, or, even worse, when its absolutely soulless. Now I can't say for sure that Lost Highway is or isn't a passion project, but it feels like somebody just wasting my time. Somebody whose head is so far up their own ass that they forgot to tell me a story or bring me somewhere new. I tried watching it a few more times, when I was in my late teens and again in my twenties, i fell asleep both times, amazing considering how much provocative imagery is in the film that it could bore the living fuck out of me to the point of sedation. I hate it. Its crap. The acting is bland, the plot is incomprehensible, and I don't care about David Lynch's 'dream logic' or surreal nonsense unless I feel like he's got something to say or something to tell me.
  1.  (10077.122)
    You are all wrong and I hate you.

    [sobwanks over oft-insulted DVD collection]
  2.  (10077.123)
    @james puckett clearly we feel very differently about velvet paintings.
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      CommentAuthorBeamish
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011
     (10077.124)
    Well Mr. Bat-Spurioso, what is the correct answer. I agree with some of these and think less of the writers of the others, not really but you clearly understand.
  3.  (10077.125)
    I'll still put forward any of my uncles movies up against whatever you can dish out.

    Aren't you waiting to see The Darkening?
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011
     (10077.126)
    ...is it bad that we made the new boss weepfap over his movies?
    •  
      CommentAuthorDavies0010
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011 edited
     (10077.127)
    Title: The Knowing starring Nick "Nick Cage Face" Cage

    Circumstances for soulchunder revulstion, On a plane full of sleeping korean businessmen, this film made me openly and loudly proclaim: What the fuck is this shit?

    If you missed it: Cage-face Cage finds a document in a time capsule full of numbers, which turn out to refer to lots of small American deathclusters such as train accidents, plane crashes, and investigates with his creepy kid. Then it turns out his creepy kid has been contacted by creepy looking psychic guys, who turn out to be angels here to take away a few children to start over again on a far away planet as everyone on Earth dies due to solar flares. Cageface throughout.
    • CommentAuthorDC
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011 edited
     (10077.128)
    I just remembered one I saw some weeks ago that I'd forgot.
    Long story short, international program in Denmark with lots of foreign students, one of the social activities was going to the cinema to experience a 3D movie with THX sound quality. The purpose is to blow our minds with awesome 3D/sound quality movie experience, it’s (supposed to be) one of the best cinemas in the country.
    First they tell us it’s either Kung Fu Panda 2 or Transformers 3, then it’s Pirates of the Caribbean 3D, then it’s Hanna. When we arrive it’s actually Bad Teacher, a romantic(?) comedy(??) with Cameron Diaz. She’s a bad teacher only interested in marrying for money. She starts to saving up money for a boob surgery through various scams. She learns that the teacher of the best class in the school gets a bonus in the end of the year and cons some guy to give her the national exams so her students get the best score. The best teacher in the school tries to expose her and gets a nervous breakdown due to some shit Diaz character does to her. In the end Diaz gets away with everything, doesn’t do the surgery and starts to date the gym teacher.

    Moral of the story: eerr... be a bitch and everything will work fine for you?!
    Also: THX sounded like the usual cinemas I go to?
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      CommentAuthorglukkake
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011 edited
     (10077.129)
    Last night, I watched the Wayward Cloud. It's a movie from Taiwan that for some reason happens to be on Netflix. We watched it because the description included both explicit sex acts and musical numbers.
    Holy fuck, you guys.
    Every time a scene started up, my friends and I would make jokes about where it would go. Ridiculous things like "and then he wears the watermelon as a hat". and then they happened.

    The first 5 minutes are amazing, then it drags on with impossibly long scenes of the characters staring at each other or into space. A man smokes a cigarette clenched in a foot (edit: someone else's foot). The ending is horribly disturbing unless you're like one IMDB reviewer who called it "the most beautiful thing you'll ever see" which made me want to vomit.

    I don't know why, but I rarely watch movies these days and when I do they all keep resulting in having at least one scene in them that me and my friends sit through in extreme discomfort (see: I Spit On Your Grave, the original, which is possibly the number 1 contender for Worst. Movie. Ever.)
  4.  (10077.130)
    @glukkake How does I Spit on Your Grave compare to Cannibal Holocaust?

    Cannibal Holocaust is wrong. That's all I can think it say about it. That it's just wrong.
    •  
      CommentAuthorglukkake
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011 edited
     (10077.131)
    @Will Ellwood I have a special fear of Italian films after viewing Salo (the 120 Days of Sodom). Salo is part of our collection along with Tideland that I never want to view again.

    Edit to add: Not that I think Tideland is anywhere near on the level of Salo or Cannibal Holocaust, it's just another movie that I remembered I own that squicks me out.
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      CommentAuthorravnos
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011
     (10077.132)
    Ahhh Cannibal Holocaust... *twitch*

    How about Man Bites Dog?
  5.  (10077.133)
    @Glukkake Ever see Begotten? one of my favorite movies, but jesus it's hard to get through. I refuse to let my wife watch it, for fear of divorce.

    I second or third everyone's mention of Human Centipede. It was mostly just boring. It's a solid idea, but the execution was just a pile of meh.
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      CommentAuthorglukkake
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011
     (10077.134)
    @randomentity no, but I'm also trying to avoid movies that involve rape these days. It makes me too sad.
    According to the past few movies I've seen & the internet, this is incredibly difficult.
    • CommentAuthor256
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011
     (10077.135)
    For the record, I actually quite like Alien 3 and 4.
  6.  (10077.136)
    Davies0010: What makes Knowing particularly bad is remembering it's from the same guy who made Dark City.

    My contribution - Liquid Sky.
    Circumstances - in the 80s, at the sadly-lost Scala Cinema Club. Probably on a double bill with something good.

    So, these aliens come to Earth looking to score some smack. Somehow this results in a woman whose sexual partners vanish when the enter her vagina.
    This, of course, means she's raped countless times, in order to hammer home a weak 3rd-wave feminist propaganda angle about Teh Evul Mens.
    Around this are various layers of pretentious wankery, weak Repo Man riffs and a combination of garish colours and dodgy camera angles to make you feel, like, you're on bad drugs, man.
  7.  (10077.137)
    @glukkake there's not _a lot_ of rape. I think it's still hard to find a copy of though. Haven't checked in awhile but it was going for like, $200-$300 on amazon used.

    oh, and can we add Skyline to the list of film atrocities? holy shit. like, SHIT, WOW THAT FUCKING MOVIE.
  8.  (10077.138)
    Wayward Cloud is ok; boring but memorable
    •  
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeJul 30th 2011 edited
     (10077.139)
    there's not _a lot_ of rape.

    True though that may be (and I admit I haven't seen the movie in question) but it seems like there isn't really a matter of degrees with this sort of thing - there's either rape or there's not, right?

    @Cat Vincent: And The Crow! Don't forget The Crow!

    ...

    Okay, I might be the only person to continue thinking The Crow is awesome after my 18th birthday. I can accept that about myself.
  9.  (10077.140)
    Also: THX sounded like the usual cinemas I go to?

    THX is a remnant of run-down theaters of the 1980s and 1990s. The only real advantage to THX theaters today is that the walls are thick enough to block out the sound from the theater next door.

    Not that I think Tideland is anywhere near on the level of Salo or Cannibal Holocaust…

    And since someone brought up Salò, what a piece of shit. I watched the Criterion Collection release of Salò expecting to see a brilliant commentary on the depravity of Italian fascism. It turned out to be a despicable Italian exploitation flick that was incompetently executed in every possible way. The script was bad, the lighting was bad, the acting was atrocious, the original Italian overdubs don't always sync with the actors, and the editing was choppy. At least Cannibal Holocaust makes no pretensions about being anything but offensive trash. Salò masquerades as serious cinema just to victimize unsuspecting viewers. I question the sanity of any critic who can take Salò seriously, much less list it as one of the greatest films ever made.