Whitechapel - SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-30T11:49:15-07:00

Hello Chapelians!

How the hell is everyone at the tail end of July? Working? Resting? Playing? What're you drinking? What is the soundtrack to checking the Best Fucking Web Community in this Continuum? Who do you want to shank and why? What are you rolling the dice on? Who's counting on you?

Sing, dance, check in, you know the score.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-30T12:11:17-07:00

Find myself absently chewing on the inside of my cheek. On the scale of autonomic responses to stress, that's really light, maybe a 3 on scale of 1-to-10. It's not grinding my teeth or holding my breath. I like where I am and what's going on. I know what's coming up next and so long as nothing goes wrong it's a really good road for me. This week I had a fine meeting with a demo producer, a good email exchange with a professional voice actor, a fun last voice animation class with a slightly out of control after party. And on Thursday night I got to hit LACMA's The Clock event, a 24-hour movie that put scenes from hundreds if not thousands of movies together, featuring their scenes where a clock or the time was important. The scenes were thematic in a way and typically led one to the other, sometimes with the sound of another movie playing over a given scene, which often created a funny new scene where the actors reacted to a sound that wasn't a part of their movie. We made it just in time for the countdown to midnight (long line - despite the large theatre, many people had the same idea) and of course all the scenes ratcheted up the intensity. The major "hey it's midnight!!" scene? When V blows up Parliament. }:> Also, The Clock solidifies the simple fact that Big Ben is the most famous clock in the world.

It's exactly noon so no drinking just yet. And I think I'll be taking it easy this weekend anyway. I have to be up ridiculously early on Monday to get to the demo recording session and have to get my voice up to snuff with no delays. Hard to do that if I've got the shakes from a decent wine-whiskey binge. Furthermore the weekend will be about working on the voice, getting the copy to where I want it and playing with my home recording tools. So I'll be making some noise and trying to avoid the noise of others. Though I am hoping to make it to Cowboys vs Aliens at some point.

No shanking for me, thanks but I do wish some college kids would get out of my way. Heh. Well, really I just wish it weren't so complicated to get my next Japanese class. The college I've been attending only offers this class once per year - and there is only one section. So by the time I could register it was already full. Waitlist?! ME?? Well, I guess it's fair in a way. But it sucks.

Rolling the dice on all of it. The demo has to be awesome and for that, I have to be awesome. My family doesn't know it but they're counting on me. I've leaned on them and survived for so long because of them, specifically because of my mom. I have to repay them what I really owe, not just the immediate loans they've given me. All it takes is one little thing breaking somewhere and we're all fucked. And that's why I keep chewing on myself, even though what I'm getting to do, day in and day out, is really a lot of fun.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T11:34:41-07:00

I haz a sad.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T11:39:09-07:00

This is because you used the term "poetry slam." Guess what? Nobody knew what this thread was, and moved on.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T11:46:13-07:00

The end of July has me very confuzzled, so my expectations for August are rather mixed. Still feeling the effects of the bad stuff this spring, but now I find myself ... if not exactly hopeful, but at least very much -- and pleasantly! -- distracted by someone. It's a very welcome feeling, but there are circumstances.

Right now I'm ploughing though a huge job that has to be done by morning, so long night ahead. Last week I got a paycheck with my summer bonuses and I've paid off the stack of bills on my desk for the first time in approximately ever. Took the week off, and last weekend had a blast at friends' wedding party. They'd rented a villa for two weeks and just told their friends to show up and spend as long as they'd like. For me it was a long weekend of food, drink and relaxation. Much needed.

No shankings here, all bets are off, and I think the only person counting on me (besides myself) is the above source of distraction. Eeek.

Hope this finds you well. <3

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T12:03:19-07:00

Warren, the sad deepens. Though past the tongue in cheek I assume everyone has been having far too much fun...

Taphead, good on you!

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T12:05:12-07:00

You can change the name of the thread, though. Edit the first message and that should do it, if memory serves.

(Nearly slipped by me, too. Glad I caught it and thanks for putting one up.)

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T13:16:15-07:00

Ah thanks for letting me know, I thought changing the thread name was impossible so I never thought to check. *sigh* Well, I hope other folks pick this up in subsequent weekends.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T13:52:49-07:00

My little brother got a job at starbucks about a month ago.

So since then I've been living off of fancy coffee and pastries and sandwiches from there for freesies.

Which is kinda nice.

But today I am cutting/folding/stapling a short zine thing I did about my weekend trip to Anime Expo at the beginning of the month and the people I went with, the movies I saw and stuff I bought, and stuff like that.

my main comic, Scrambled Circuits, has been printed by ka-blam for a while now and I miss hand making things :'(

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T16:08:48-07:00

Well...

I had a mixed bag of a week really - immensely stressful at work, to a degree I've not experienced for years. But I'm now on holiday for two weeks, not going away, just days out with my girls. I also met a few of the London Whitechapel crew in the Ten Bells, which was great, marred only by missing the damn train home and having to stay in a hotel behind Waterloo station. By Friday night I was a total, broken wreck from exhaustion (five 11-12 hour days with a four hour daily commute on top) - was in a foul mood yesterday morning, but I've spent the weekend with Kernowdrunk in Brighton, drinking dayglo, massively strong cider, listening to French pop and sitting on the beach. And I feel massively more relaxed now.

Tomorrow - aim to get up and go for a good long walk first thing, then take the girls out somewhere. Have tonnes to do in the garden as well. And music. Want to make music. WILL make music.

peace to all

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T16:09:10-07:00

I finished work to start Uni in September! Am now gainfully unemployed for the duration of Edinburgh Festival, where I'm doing a weekly cabaret and a six-day solo show. Exciting times! My girlfriend also managed to get through some emergency surgery intact, so have spent last few days with her, trending to her sore bits. It is nice to be facing a monday morning and only having flyering, writing and compere duties to worry about.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T16:18:59-07:00

Work Continues. I spent a lot of sleepless nights the last few months when projects were cancelled and executive types made visits*, but things seem stable. I'm old enough that I worry about finding an equivalent job in high tech again. And I'm not fucking fifty yet.

Thrilled and pleased myself by fixing a found-in-the-trash LCD monitor. Replaced a bunch of blown capacitors with my trusty soldering pen. This was very empowering, and now I've got two wide-screen monitors on my Windows computer. (And, come to think of it, both of them were free. I found the other one. I love this country's dumpsters.)

Beautiful sunny weekend, but feeling kind of subdued and fretful. Maybe because of the whole financial debt ceiling spawned cornholeling of the middle class. I've done pretty well, financially; I know how to manage money and save it and all that. But I'm still going to depend on Medicare when I'm old, and I'm pretty sure that two of my three siblings are going have to depend on Social Security when they're old. Republicans -- the modern variant of Republicans that combine "fuck you, I've got mine" libertarianism with dumbfuck hayseed paranoia -- seem to have it in for every bit of social progress made in the 20th century.

I kept myself busy making brownies. Five of six dozen brownies made in cupcake tins, with candied peanuts or M&ms embedded in them. I'm going to pass them around work tomorrow.

Also still trying to process The Tree of Life, which I saw yesterday. Beautifully filmed, well acted, enigmatic, powerful contemplation of life and death and meaning. I can understand why lots of folks walked out on it. It ain't conventional American entertainment industry product.

Hmm. Shanking. Yeah, no question: Grover Norquist.

* The company that owned the business for the last one, I got PTSD from. Literally. Every time a "town hall" all-hands meeting was called to hear a talk from executives visiting from back east, there were also layoffs. People cleaning out their cubicles. It was awful, awful.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T16:43:06-07:00

Why am i up at half past one on a monday morning? There may be work tomorrow and i shall hate myself if there is. I have, all things considered, been having a pretty good time of it recently but it's far, far too late to sit up writing about it, i need my beauty sleep and i need it NOW. Consider this as a lucky escape. Nightie night!

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T17:07:44-07:00

Weekend was eaten by a family reunion, but this one was on my dad's side, so it was okay. I got to see people I genuinely missed, among them my little brother.

Goodbye July. August is the month I start school and get to move to Salt Lake. August is a good month.

I have a letter to write. Enjoy your SNOMing.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T17:21:08-07:00

I'd met and helped the awesome and friendly Kim Boekbinder with some mailing of Kickstarter things. While we had some coffee in a cafe afterwards, she tweeted that I'm her new NY assistant, so it must be true!

I am finding it amusingly appropriate that after years of seeking out health coverage, and after 2.5 years of fighting for Disability, while I wait for my paperwork to go through and finally get a taste of stability and independence I've been without for 10 years... the government is dicking around with Social Security and Medicare.

I am also finding it bizarre that my new regimen of taking amphetamine and opiates daily (legally), I've become an eating machine, and have put on weight. I am not normal. I cannot stop eating once I start. I've had to not keep any food in the house, and only buy what I will immediately eat.

Also, photography is expensive, and I'm thinking of changing my art medium of choice. Even in this digital world without film cost, the fact that everyone has a camera, everyone has an iphone, everyone has a DSLR, and most people do NOT have artistic taste/understanding, it's that much more difficult to compete, and the pressure to have a cutting edge camera is great. Even when I first started with my 5mp Sony, 10 years ago, it was unusual for someone to walk about with a camera on them at all times (something I did since a teenager, always with a disposable camera on my person). It is for this sort of tenacity of always being on the ready, always having my camera with me because "you never know", well, that had a lot to do with my success at catching shots. I was always thinking through a lens.

Now, I find myself frustrated and disgusted that I cannot enjoy any event without a sea of people holding their phones above their heads. Being a "photographer" in NYC has become a large swelling population I'm not sure I want to be part of. Most money in photography seems to come from headshots and fashion, and I've no desire to learn the ins and outs of expensive lighting, nor is it feasible for me to be carrying large equipment about.

That being said, I've unearthed my ancient 5mp Sony, and have been carrying it around with me. It's got an infrared filter, and I do so love infrared.

Speaking of, here's me, in infrared:

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T18:53:56-07:00

I feel like shit. As in, the depression is hitting fairly hard and I don't know when (if?) it is going to pass. So if you don't want to read me being whiny, just skip this post. I'm not even sure why I'm bothering anyway. I don't really have friends outside of work, and one of my co-workers is leaving (the better one, of course) so that means a new round of getting used to new people and getting them up to speed. He's also someone I get along with very well and as much as he promises that we'll hang out etc, I know how it goes. He's not hung out with me outside of work yet anyway. I'm getting sick of being single, especially during the weeks when my hormones go haywire and not having anyone to even just be held by. The most I can manage with my "art" is taking photos and then loading them onto the computer. Even simply editing them and posting on tumblr seems to be too much effort. It probably doesn't help that I had a talk with my mom where she was asking me if I even really wanted to be an artist and should she stop pushing me to work on my art and having to explain to her that I'm a depressed failure and I really don't think there's a way for things to get better, and so while I'd like to be an artist, at this point, I don't think it's possible anymore. She tries and she means well, but too many things have blown up in my face and my dad won't ever shut up about whatever he thinks, or focusing his energy on anything but what the family needs to get done, and then I have to deal with the fallout and... I'm just too fucking tired. Even the process of trying to move out is turning into a comedy of failures. I went to a potluck set up by some of the rare artist friends I have in the area, and I got stuck listening to bullshit Christianese from middle aged motorcyclists.

The one bit of bright news is that I took my uke to work and started playing it/singing during my breaks and my co-workers seem to love it.

@Everyone: You all seem to be doing at least one cool thing and something is going well. I'm happy for you. I hope it keeps getting better.

edit because I'm a dumbass.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T19:28:09-07:00

@trini -

the depression is hitting fairly hard and I don't know when (if?) it is going to pass. So if you don't want to read me being whiny, just skip this post. I'm not even sure why I'm bothering anyway. I don't really have friends outside of work

Saw this and wanted to say something (but it is very late here so forgive me if it isn't entirely coherent) - it IS when, not if it will pass. The depression itself is telling you the depression is here to stay; do not believe it. It may not be easy, but this is something you can surpass.

Also, to the latter point - it may not be quite the same, but you will always have friends here on Whitechapel.

Rgrds,
256.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T21:07:16-07:00

@256: Thanks. I do feel a little better.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T21:20:09-07:00

@trini What @256 said - depression makes the world seem smaller, harder than it really is. And there have been weeks when Whitechapel seemed like my only outlet for socializing or just hearing from people who didn't drive me nuts because they're family and there's no getting away from them.

And I always look forward to your SNOM posts and read 'em all the way through.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-07-31T21:24:32-07:00

On Tuesday, my girlfriend and I celebrate a year's worth of being together. Current plans include lying around all day, dinner at an excellent Thai place that was also our first date, and seeing a cheesy movie in the form of Cowboys vs Aliens. Odds are good it's going to be an excellent day.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-08-01T01:02:29-07:00

Heading over to August with mixed feelings. I've had awesome trips again this summer, diving in sunken prisons and slacking in the Greek countryside, plus of course enjoying life in our cabin in the Finnish countryside. Feeling like a bit of a mess, though, in several regards, and trying to get my shit a little more together. It hasn't helped that I don't really cope with hot weather, and the summer and especially July in Finland has been again sweltering, which has resulted in about 50% less sleep than necessary.

My biggest peeve for July is that my creative schedule is slipping. My aim for the year was to finish the novel, which I did, and to finish two short stories and two interactive fiction games. There's one short story in publication pipeline (thanks to all the great contacts you get via Whitechapel) and several waiting to be finished and polished, so they are not a problem, but the IF schedule is slipping and I think I'll have to skip IFcomp this year. I'm a damn master of making chores out of things that should be enjoyable by obsessing about them, or rather over-concentrating on accomplishing stuff. So, right now I'm trying to get rid of that vibe regarding the game coding.

Nevertheless, the life is smiling as hard or more as it's sucking, the world is beautiful and life is full of friends and happy stuff. Right now I'm getting ready to hop on my bike and get to the office. My work trip goes past a small boats harbor in the eastern part of Helsinki downtown, and the biggest outdoor market of the city, that's a bustle of people, seagulls and scents of fresh berries, vegetables, coffee, baked goods and fried foods. It's an instant +10 to morale, every day coming and going.

SNOM, Dammit! for July 30-31

2011-08-01T03:04:35-07:00

@trini...don't worry too much. Crappy days come and go. You just have to weather it out. If it makes you feel better, I'm in a similar predicament. I wish I could: draw better, move out, travel again, have a little more cash, have lots of friends etc....Oh well, one step t a time.

My saturday night was spent lettering some comic pages...woooo, excitement and suspense!! All I had to keep me company was the lord of rings extended edition trilogy...almost got to return of the king too.

shutting up now, back to work...