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  1.  (10140.21)
    Ringooooo Starrrrrrrr

    Still love you, Ringo

    And of course Paul (Post-80s)

    We'll always have 'Live and Let Die,' though. What a song.
    • CommentTimeAug 11th 2011
    If it's the artist being all square, then Moby. But if it's the music then, ani di franco? (Which I say with all love and devotion because every now and then it's good to be so honest you bleed.)
  2.  (10140.23)
    Toto was a really square band! Here is a video set in a library, and they perform on a pile of books

    • CommentTimeAug 11th 2011
    Oh, Devo and Pink Floyd. Nerds to the highest degree. Have you seen David Gilmour lately? He looks, to borrow a phrase from Stephen Fry, like he's made of tweed.
    • CommentTimeAug 11th 2011
    This plays to all my negative strengths.

    Pink Floyd
    Rolling Stones
    The Clash
    Level 42
    Status Quo
    Huey Lewis and the News
    Bruce Shitestain
    The Who
    Dire Straits
    Sting (not a band, but still...)
    Bon Jovi
    Led Zeppelin
    Pearl Jam
    Guns n Roses
    Linkin Park
    Motley Crue
    Def Leppard

    I could go on but I want to leave some for others to list.
  3.  (10140.26)
    "In regards to Metallica - considering how long they've been around, I'm amazed they're still together and making music. A lot of it's hit or miss, but the glory of the download age is that I can ignore the misses and just nab the hits - I only own three songs off Death Magnetic, but I played the fuck out of those three songs for about six weeks after I got them."

    After watching "Some Kind of Monster", I got the feeling that they were still together making music because the money was too good. They certainly didn't look like they were enjoying themselves at all. When I hear their music now, it sounds like a band creatively frustrated.
    • CommentTimeAug 11th 2011 edited
    Against Me!

    While their first three albums are pretty awesome punk records, their newer, Butch Vig-produced stuff is hammy and flat, lacking crazed honesty that made them relevant. Seriously the new one is garbage--it sounds like it was specifically manufactured for middle-schoolers to listen to through earbuds. It's a pretty huge fall for them, too, where they were once the voice of genuine anarchy punk, they're now the voice of whining about anarchy punk. They really should publicly apologize for that song about Bob Dylan. Really guys, what the fucking hell?

    Prog rock/metal dudes are, in general, super square nerds. Dream Theater, Symphony X, etc., have that manufactured metal distortions and heavy guitars and drop-D and all the affectations of the hardcore anger that they admire, but when it comes down to it they're singing about narratives that would have made a really not very good sci-fi novel.

    [Edit rather than doublepost]
    When I hear their music now, it sounds like a band creatively frustrated.

    Metallica has been musically inert for at least a decade. Their entire deal is who has the most control over the band, and how many drugs they took, and how bad it made them feel. It's ultimately a narcissistic exercise.

    Hetfield actually lives in Lucas Valley, not far from where I live. Someone once told me that, as a teenager, they used to bra-bomb his house with waterballoons to get back at him for acting terribly at the movie theater they worked at. Stuff like being really rude to the staff, arguing with his girlfriend during the movie, basically making a scene anytime they came in. They found it by going to the house with the giant M on the gate.

    I don't know if there's a point to that story other than it's a sort of amusing anecdote about how uncool a rockstar can actually be.
  4.  (10140.28)
    im going to see the DECEMBRISTS in an hour. so. yeah. weiners to the max.
  5.  (10140.29)
    @The Mighty Foamhead

    Why not just list everyone who's been on the radio ever, ha.

    For The Who and The Bruce, I don't think the Who were or Springsteen is square people at all, instead they just make square music through lack of composing talent. I find their music toothless, but I think it's mostly because neither of them have had the musical skill to make more than a little bit of sharp music.

    Remember that earnesty is a component to squareness but if you are both super earnest but also know how to bring it, you pass through squareness on the other side and achieve uber-sexy. I'm thinking the Who at least had their crotch stuck on the border wall, where they passed out drunk for the night.

    For The Rolling Stones and Zep, are you really not going to add an era qualifier to either one of them? Wow. I mean these are bands that evolved a lot, it's I think tactically difficult to both be square before and after evolving, as well as not achieve anti-squareness points for evolving between two distinct modes of squareness!, which would show badass artistic conviction. I mean it'd be really zen of them.

    But rather than really go to bat for either one, I'll just mention that one thing to keep in mind is a band's albums are a very small part of what they did/do. So are their tour documentaries and latter-day mega-tour experiences. Sometimes a band becomes too skilled at playing for its own good, and they mess up their own songs in the studio. The songs might strike us as boring, but they were not conceived finished. Often the band has failed to bring us the idea of a song when they have brought us the finished product. We listeners perceive the real idea of a song better when the performer is striving for it, than when the performer has already finished with it. Conclusion: to see or re-remember what the band really did, sometimes you need to watch a bunch of kids from your local School of Rock kicking shit on Zeppelin night. It's earnest, but it's fucking badass.
    • CommentTimeAug 11th 2011
    I am so glad that none (cough very few) of my favourites are on any of your lists. On a personal level I have no problem with square bands. Tedcro mention the prog folks, they are square, no doubt or argument, but damnit I love prog, esp Dream Theater. While they are square, they do push the envelope marrying rock with a symphonic vibe, which does it for me I guess. I am nerd.
    • CommentTimeAug 11th 2011
    I have to add to this list:
    Green Day
    Owl City

    Next time I hear any of these, I will kill whoever puts it on the stereo. I will choke them with their own intestines. Dig? (Other bands will elicit this response too, but you've already mentioned them.)
    • CommentTimeAug 11th 2011
    @BrianMowrey: That's exactly why I stopped when I did.

    As for period-context, I can only speak from the one I'm in and, as old as I am (42), the Stones, Zep, etc, were Boring Old Fart fodder by the time my sphere of consciousness stumbled over them. I would never deny they were innovators or ground breakers in their day but they were firmly mainstream-establishment-acceptable long before my balls felt gravity's tickle. While they've done odd tunes that I might enjoy, my overriding sentiment towards them is still that they're past their sell-by date and, the longer they keep banging on, the more they dilute whatever they were liked and respected for years/decades ago.

    Slight tangent, sorry, and I realise I might be the exception when it comes to this, but I've never been a fan of live music and always come away a little disappointed by what they've performed compared to what I'm familiar with.
  6.  (10140.33)
    Yeah Ringo!That little ungrateful fuck.
    You see that video where he's going 'peace and luv peace and luv i will burn any shit you send my way,peace and luv'...
    He's had so much good fortune in this life for so lttle talent and his soul still appears to be leetle and tiny.
    Absolute Square.Shovel to the fucking skull.
    Peace and luv.
    • CommentTimeAug 11th 2011
    This is a hard one to get involved in, as I am a very sincere fan of some of the lamest of the lame mentioned here (I've seen Neil Diamond live. I LOVE Hall and Oates, though they are pretty square, I'll admit).
    But, I will concur w/ the folks mentioning prog bands, Sting, and McCartney (and I'm not adding a qualifier; he might be the one and only reason I don't like the Beatles... him and his stupid lyrics)
    And Owl City might be the squarest musical entity of the modern era. Ugh.
  7.  (10140.35)
    Definition is important: Are we talking about bands that say uninteresting things, merely pursue uninteresting musical avenues? Or, are we talking about bands that try to emulate edgy/different and instead look like clowns while promoting a mainstream valueset?
  8.  (10140.36)
    I saw Against Me! open some anarcho crust punk show like 10 years ago and they insisted everyone sit down for their set. That was the last time I paid any attention to that band. Even Hall and Oates encourages standing at least, if not the Carlton.
    • CommentAuthorG. Foyle
    • CommentTimeAug 11th 2011
    Hmmm. Especially taking into account the depths to which the formerly mighty can fall, I've gotta think that the band that created this video should be included in the thread:

    We Built This City
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011 edited
    I would nominate Journey to this list.
    And I wouldn't call Devo square. Nerdy, yes. But square (as loosely defined in the Flavorwire piece), no.

    This thread is such troll fodder, ha ha.
  9.  (10140.39)
    My definition is that the band is a bunch of boring nerds, although the music has a chance of being decent.

    Kraftwerk (I didn't see them mentioned and I'm shocked to say the least),
    The Beastie Boys,
    They Might Be Giants,
    Simply Red,
    The Lighthouse Family,
    Primus (love them, but they really are huge nerds).

    I'll come back to this...
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011 edited
    Fuxake. I've got to quit reading this thread. Every time I do, I come away infected with a shitty tune stuck in my head by a band somebody mentioned, dammit. Could be worse, I suppose - at least it isn't "The Final Countdoooowwwwwwwn" by Europe (at the moment, at least.)

    The Lighthouse Family? Someone pass the insulin, please. And Simply it their music or Mick Hucknall which provokes such animosity?