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      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeAug 14th 2011
     (10142.21)
    John,

    I'm starting out with a plot treatment, which will eventually be turned into a full screenplay - I'm still learning the technical terminology for writing such a thing, and this way I can work out a basic plot and get some feedback on it before I get into the nitty-gritty stuff like camera angles and dialogue beats.

    The tricky part with Ursana is that she's one of the few characters I'm not simply re-purposing from the original films, so she's definitely going to seem a little out of place. I thought that the Trade Federation needed someone like Grand Moff Tarkin, someone who could be a political schemer and a military tyrant, who's fatal flaw was arrogance. However, in order to make her as unique from Tarkin as I could (she's fat where Tarkin is skeletal, she's a shark where he's a snake), I maybe ended up maybe taking her too far. Definitely something to consider, and thank you for pointing it out.

    Though I do want to make the point that the Feds aren't being directly manipulated as they were in the original films - Palpatine knew that, by attacking them legally, he'd eventually push them too far and instigate just the kind of brushfire he'd need to get the chancellorship. This is something that will become a little more apparent in the Coruscant scenes. Darth Maul is just his insurance that the plans will go off without a hitch - the Feds know Darth Maul has a master, but they've never spoken with him directly.

    Every Star Wars movie DOES start in space, but I really needed to get Anakin in there early. It's almost half an hour into the original movie before we see the character around whom the entire saga revolves, and that just doesn't sit well with me. Hmm. I'll play with it somewhat in the script/second treatment.
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      CommentAuthorJohn Skylar
    • CommentTimeAug 14th 2011 edited
     (10142.22)
    I expect you'll find the balance with Ursana over time. Maybe it's the fact that she's ruthless and large and her name sounds like "Ursula" that's making me feel she belongs in another film, and it'll just take a couple changes.

    I like that angle on the Trade Federation.

    Have you considered opening with Anakin having a force-farseeing dream about a future space battle, say, at the end of the film? It would allow your existing scene to stitch in perfectly and I think would be a cool device.
  1.  (10142.23)
    Actually, one Idea i've always considered is to write my "version" of what I wished Phantom Menace should have been. Just use completely different characters. My take would be a Star Wars type movie but with a lot more WUSHU/Kung Fu theater influene. It always bugged me that Lucas was a bit inspired by these influences but never went far enough with it. I don't see why you cant adjust the story once your done to avoid copyright infringement. Cause no offense to Lucas, but he did the same thing. Just took a bunch of ideas that interested him and mashed it up into a new Mythos. You can definitely use Lucas Phantom Menace as inspiration to write your own cool version of a Star Wars type movie.

    Lets just say to this day, Lucas never properly portrayed just how bad ass a Jedi can be.
    Strazinki's Clone Wars cartoons were much more effective in this than Lucas ever was.
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      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeAug 15th 2011
     (10142.24)
    @John Skylar: That's... that's actually not a bad idea. Let me play around with that, and I'll let you know when I put it up, so I can get your take on it!

    @BOODOFFSTAGE: Regarding the Asian film influence on Star Wars, Lucas originally wanted to get Toshiro Mifune to play Obi-Wan Kenobi. Like a lot of the research and development I've been doing for this project, that just hit me full in the face with "what might have been" possibilities.
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      CommentAuthorapefist
    • CommentTimeAug 16th 2011 edited
     (10142.25)
    Not to digress from the original post--I like what you've done and lament you weren't there back when you were needed most--1975. The Phantom Edit to me was more hype than it was much different from the Lucas version. I don't know what I expected from it but it wasn't what I saw. Still, awesome that it was tried.

    I've always wanted to do an adult STAR WARS for the generation of us 30-40 somethings who saw it as kids but grew up to like bloodier action, nudity, more sadistic villains, less perfect heroes,non-humanoid aliens and overly excessive cussing. Not porn, and we don't even need sex scenes, per se. But when Han shoots first, he shoots 4 or 5 more times to make sure Greedo is a cooked dead iguana. When Leia falls into the trash compactor, that sheer white dress becomes little more than a wet t-shirt. Obi-wan drinks like a fish, and is mostly unintelligible when he mutters and cusses. Luke is gay. And R2 & C-3P0 have been through so much they malfunction regularly, causing accidental deaths periodically. Every time Vader uses the force, it's like he's getting off. Tarkin is like Caligula, with corpses and battered nude women strewn all over the bridge of the death star. He touches himself "there" every time they destroy a planet. And etc, etc. Think of how fucked up you could make Jabba's Palace and the cantina.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 16th 2011 edited
     (10142.26)
    @Johnjones Ha Ha! You just made my day with your reference to the Bible.Seriously,that's the sort of shit a little pervert like me thrives on! Bless you my son!!
  2.  (10142.27)
    i think this is a good exercise, but if it ends up being really good you could change key aspects and names to make it your own story if you wanted.
    @oddbill - i think you should do this with your star trek : enforcer script. sounds like it has alot of good ideas and i would read it and i am not even a star trek fan

    @finagle - i also thought about coming up with endings to canceled tv shows. i was gonna make short comics with this concept but never got around to it because i am not a very good writer/ scripter. i did come up with a pretty good idea for the original v series that i may do in the future.
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      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeAug 16th 2011
     (10142.28)
    @apefist: You seem like a man who would enjoy the comics of Alejandro Jodorowsky.
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      CommentAuthorjohnjones
    • CommentTimeAug 17th 2011
     (10142.29)
    @ flecky

    Full confession, I didn't originally research it but borrowed it from a Ron White comedy bit.
  3.  (10142.30)
    Alan, on a bit of a technical level, it's generally considered bad form to put camera angles into your screen play if you aren't the director, or that specific shot is absolutely required. Remember, in Hollywood, you're the word-monkey. The director is the auteur with the vision and the actors are called the talent. What's next, you'll be horrified when the director rewrites the thing as a rom-com on the fly? (What, me, a bit jaded? NEVER!)

    Otherwise, I agree this exercise is essentially masturbation, but hey that can be fun some times. Generally, I try not to do mine in public, but since Lucas already did three shitty fan-fic films in the Star Wars universe why not you, right?
  4.  (10142.31)
    Probably everybody here already knows about this guy but just in case.

    If you want the quintessential reasons of why the prequel star wars were so bad.
    Noone has been more eloquent, detailed (and funny) than Mr. Plinkett, on the subject

    http://redlettermedia.com/plinkett/star-wars/
  5.  (10142.32)
    Otherwise, I agree this exercise is essentially masturbation, but hey that can be fun some times. Generally, I try not to do mine in public, but since Lucas already did three shitty fan-fic films in the Star Wars universe why not you, right?

    It's funny, because my college friends and I had a habit of saying the 'prequels' were about as meaningful as Lucas wanking it for two hours on film while singing "HAHA THIS IS CANON" to a conga tune.
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      CommentAuthorapefist
    • CommentTimeJan 27th 2012
     (10142.33)
    Anchorbeard, i shall check him out. Thanks.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeJan 31st 2012 edited
     (10142.34)
    I recall a brilliant documentary i saw when The Phantom Menace came out.Basically it was about a early screening of it in America and how tons of avid fans had traveled far and wide to come and see it.These guys were fanatics:Star Wars was their main reason for existence and some of them had turned up in costume brandishing those toy light-sabers that are popular.It was a mixed and diverse crowd of,mostly,men:many were not the average fan-boy.Some of them seemed like they would have been more at home screaming at wrestle-mania or whatever.

    You could feel the atmosphere and expectation in the air as people were interviewed before the screening.It was as if Christians had gathered for the second coming.I think one guy,in his twenties,had given up everything and traveled a hideous distance for it.As they were finally admitted to the cinema there was a lot of shouting and exclamations of joy.

    When everyone exited was when the tone of the documentary changed;people came out with what i perceived to be false smiles.When asked what they thought of the movie some said it was good,great etc but they couldn't seem to escape the lens of the documentary makers camera quickly enough.

    Anyway,i will never forget that one particular guy-the lad Star Wars meant the world to.When everyone had gone he was sitting on the ground with this vacant expression on his face.When asked about the film he just seemed to stare through the camera and said "I don't know what's going on.I don't understand...i...i...i don't know what that was about."Poor lad.I really felt for him.

    Maybe this documentary took place in my head.It's a while back now.Regardless of what i thought about The Phantom Menace lot's of people i know say they love it.I just think that even if it had been the best film ever made it still wouldn't have really satisfied the need in that lads mind.Star Wars mania had turned into something that had gone beyond the original movies.

    Does anyone else recall this documentary?
    I guess were all entitled to a opinion.I saw Star Wars(i dislike saying pt 4)when it first came out in the '70's and it was a magical experience.
    I saw The Phantom Menace when it hit the cinemas on a pirate DVD.It made me have a bad day and i'm no-longer friends with the guy who insisted we watch it and who kept on going on about how brilliant it was.

    I hope you don't mind me sharing this.
    Oh.and by the way,i fooking hate ewoks.