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    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    Things are still pretty bad. My family is pretty torn up after the loss of my sister, and I've been keeping an eye on my little brother for a while, he just went back to Utah to stay with mom.

    The recession doesn't help, he's unemployed, my sister is going back to school, my mom's contract work is threatened, my dad's dealing with challenges from within his department. I've somehow become the stable one, with the job and the place to live and plans. Very strange.

    Crashspace is moving forward, unfortunately I've kind of lost a bit of the joy in it. Lecture last night on neurophysiology was well attended, next week I have two nights, A Basics class at Radio Mondays, and the monthly Neuroscience Group meeting, both of which should be good.

    I've been trying to jumpstart myself, but I'm having trouble keeping up with my pre-existing responsibilities, much less getting going on my private projects I want to do.

    Work is alright, we've got more and better customers, and internal productivity is up. I might actually get done with all my customer stuff and get to do a little research this month, some voice recognition error correction. First time in a while.

    Had to cut my hair short to be respectable for the service three weeks ago:

    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    I hope everyone's enjoying their weekend. My weekend doesn't start until Tuesday evening, unfortunately. I'm in the middle of a seven-day work week (yay retail), but I can't really complain. I get to FINALLY be a cake decorator for a full 40-hour week for the first time... after they promised I'd be working on cakes over a year and a half ago... Oh well.
    Money is rough. The fella quit his evil evil job a month or so ago, but is now on his second week at OfficeMax. At least it's something. I've been used to have a tiny bit of extra money, but now we're cutting it very close every week. And w/ both of us looking into going back to school (he's kinda giving up the rock 'n roll dream and has been getting applications and what not together to go back for special education. Once he's taken care of I want to get a business degree, maybe even culinary schooling), seems like it's gonna get worse before it gets better.
    The whole "what the fuck am I doing w/ my life" feeling I usually have isn't so bad right now, but it's probably only because I know I can't afford to take any chances.

    Everyone gets /hugs, because they deserve them. Well, maybe not Si, I'm still not too sure what diseases that guy carries. At least w/ Warren, my only fear was losing my e-arms.

    Old, old picture, as I look like complete and utter shit right now. Hair is not as cooperative as it's been in the past...
  1.  (10146.23)
    Finally got my appeal against cutting my benefits in. Took 3 weeks because I'm ill (which is what the appeal is about) and because my doctor prescribed new anti-depressants for my CFS which have fucked with my "Turning thoughts into spoken or written words". Apparantly the stuff I'm on is known by brand as Zoloft. I'm getting this shit changed when I see him next.
    Had a blood test, nearly passed out because I'm a complete wimp when it comes to needles.
    Getting taken to Berlin in a fortnigh as a long awaited Christmas present - was supposed to be a show in London, now it's 3 days in Berlin, I'm not complaining.

    On Sunday I'm taking my new shiny DSLR to take photos of my football club for the first time. Meanwhile I'm home alone, waiting for my brother to arrove so he can have an interview at Butlins tomorrow while my parents are away.

    Oh, and I'm drunk on wine I found in the lounge, which seems to be why I can manage to get this out of my head onto the forum.

    Yay alcohol!
    • CommentAuthoricelandbob
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    Hi everyone

    the week has been boring as i have no money! I am reduced to whining and begging the general manager of my local newspaper for him to stop dragging his feet and pay me for work outstanding that i'm owed. He always pays me in the end, but man he does take his time!

    So this week has been about reading, writing and being all anti social (again), which has been fine as i'm back at the day job.

    The latest issue of the paper came out today and.... i'm a bit pissed

    See here's the deal. It's all about "editing". I'm have come to realise and happily accept having pieces clipped and chopped sometimes due to space issues. I've also had pieces spiked on occasion because in the word of my editor "they're not good enough". Again fair enough.

    But on this issue he mutilated an album review which made it lose a lot of it's meaning, while another one has two spelling mistakes that I didn't put in. And to cap it all there is a review for a schlocky rock band called... Deep Jimi and the Zep Creams (this is actually their real name) that i reviewed... UNDER ANOTHER PERSONS NAME. Actually it's not my review. You see, i wrote my review for it, a while back and it was very uncharitable to their sound (i.e. they were shit), but my editor instead passed the album around till he got a favourable album review, and he printed that one in its place! Apparently he is known for printing "favourable" reviews about certain bands on the scene, at the same time spiking ones for said bands that aren't completely glowing. I know it's not a major issue, but it got me really annoyed. What is the point of me going to this trouble, time and energy to do this if he then just discards what you do for something that is more "on message"? This has been building up for a while and i need to pin him in a corner and discuss this with him....

    I have one beer in my fridge. But a large bottle of vodka in the freezer.

    Rant over

    Be Good....
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    Jesus what a week.

    I am now somewhat heavily involved in Lucky Productions (non-facebook pages to follow), and hence semi-professionally in the music industry. How the hell did that happen?

    I'm afraid to look too far, but I think I may be finding my niche.


    Hope this finds you well.
  2.  (10146.26)

    that guy sees what you are doing. don't you try any kinky shit or terroristing, he's ready
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    I am watching Planet of the Apes (68) which has been the high point of my week. A dear friend of my had his first oncology apointment this week and new tests show that he has a tumor the size of a softball pressing against his lung. At this point they don't were it came from but the outlook is pretty grim. There is nothing about my life that compares to his pain so I will shut up. If you pray, please do, his name is Mike Zaremba.
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    I can not complain.


    Cheers, Whitechapel!
  3.  (10146.29)
    Working on one show as we prep another one. Plus prepping the next one after that, but having to do it all around the network folks. I am getting left behind as basically the liaison/person who knows everything. Which means the rest of my office crew get to go work just one show while I deal with two people who are above me, but I have more experience than. It is a bit maddening and frustrating and I want October to get here because supposedly on this next tv series there is a raise for me.

    But feeling in a rut because by Next February I will have been a production secretary for basically two years while others with less experience in production offices are working as coordinators and assistant coordinators.

    Of course really all that is mute because I really want to be on the artistic side, not the nuts and bolts side. And I keep thinking about transferring to the AD department and working on set, but that means i go back to start form the beginning.

    And for all this complaining I feel guilty because really my life is going well and i have work booked through next February at least, which is a very good thing.
      CommentAuthormuse hick
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    i have been working like a madman on various fiction projects - editing, illustrating, and writing the bloody things, and my transhuman saga ortoematic is nearing the end of the first volume. i am also working on putting a magazine together and am looking for submissions for the magazine idea i had themagazinemagazine. many things in my life which have kind of been on hold forever are also about to start moving forward at a very rapid rate, which i am looking forward to immensely. i also have a massive thing which i am working on which will guarantee me a regular daily output of work, writing-wise, for the next year.
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    I'm ah... I'm doing okay.

    The job I have won't last 'til the end of the month, my roomie just got a job that pays infinitely more than the short-lived one I have, I have only $130 to my name, and my car needs its bumper looks at, but...

    Guys, I'm okay. I just had beer-talk with some fine, fine people on this very forum, I got something deeply personal off my chest and received the greatest possible reward for doing so, and the friend I keep ranting about is headed straight for the head-heavens of sanity, by way of the American highway system (same way I got there).

    I'm also EXTREMELY boozed up on beer, all of it 9% ABV.

    Si, Whitechapel... I'm happy. Hope you're happy, too.
  4.  (10146.32)
    I bring Questionable Cuddles to those of you in pain and sadness. You're not on your own, digichums - bear that in mind.

    • CommentAuthorsnafu
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2011 edited
    Arrrgghh! I almost missed it. Very sneaky Your Horribleness. The past week has been a series of ups and downs with a big down at work on Friday then a very bad Eggs Benedict this morning. Note to all you restaurants out there. If you are asked is the Hollandaise is made in the restaurant, opening a tin or adding milk to a powdered mix does not count. Blech. And then they drowned the poor thing. When I cut the undercooked egg the yoke ran into the ocean of nasty sauce and was lost. I know the yolk should be runny, but this was ridiculous. What can I say? I take my Eggs Benedict very seriously. Hollandaise and BĂ©arnaise are two of the worlds great pleasures. They should not be mistreated or taken for granted.
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2011
    The week - well, recent history, ie this month - has been really hard a lot of good people I know. Illness, job losses, deaths even. it's a mess before I even turn on the news and then it sounds like all the world has had the same thought "ah fuck it, go nuts, let someone else put out the fire."

    I've been ok so far though could stand some serious improvement. I'm just used to not having money and not having work that must get done and feeling a little distant from my art. It's not a development or particularly painful right now. But it would be neat if the situation changed in favor of earning my keep.

    I can't describe the feeling that sort of embarrassed and sort of relieved that getting back into acting, doing theatre, being creative has been extraordinarily effective for keeping depression away. The embarrassment comes from having wasted my 20s in a submerged mood, trying to be a good office drone and just assuming that the endless stream of suicidal scenarios were just something I'd have to live with. [I'M NOT THERE ANYMORE!!! No need to call any medics, I'm writing this to note that I don't have that movie playing continuously in my head. (Only on special occasions.)] A couple of years ago a friend delightedly noticed how I light up when I talk about theatre and acting, etc. He was surprised because even when I smile and talk about fun things like music or movies it's not nearly how alive I become when talking about theatre. It's so funny that I knew this without knowing this when I was a teenager and geared everything to studying theatre. But I forgot about it when I was an adult and desperate to pay bills. I tried so hard to let that part of me go, thinking that sometimes the more responsible thing was more important, etc. So...embarrassed because I had nearly kill myself trying to have another life before figuring out that what I wanted all along was what I wanted from the beginning.


    I have collected a bit of critique on my demo. I'm satisfied with a lot of it. I know I have work to do as an actor but I feel the demo is solid enough on its own (though I'm still looking into editing) that it's provided me a good place to start. Next is marketing it and myself. Probably the most terrifying prospect - I've always been terrible at sales. And here I'll be trying to sell me!

    So. I'm worried about my friends and family. And I'm worried about you guys...losing jobs and losing loved ones. I'm trying to convince the world and myself that I have to keep driving forward if I'm going to be of any use to anyone. I have such deep debts to all you good people for keeping me afloat, firing me up with inspiration and hope... maybe it's cheesy. Or maybe it saved my life. *shrug* Keep at it, friends. I'm cheering for you.
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2011 edited
    One more week, then it's back to school, and no more living with parents or working the job I hate so much.

    I've become so incredibly lazy with my job. It isn't like me at all to be lazy with work, but ever since that sort of mental breakdown I had a little over a week ago, I'm just done. I don't want them to hire me again, even if it means I end up without money for school. This last week better go by quick.

    I'm still a bit worried about money, even with the money from work. It won't give me enough to buy food, for instance. I need to sell some art or get a part time job at school or something. But I've got so many credits I'm taking in the fall, I don't know if I'll be able to handle a job. I've got a scholarship to keep, after all. And because I'm transferring, my grades from my other school are no longer actually part of my GPA. So if I get a single C, I lose my tuition. And tuition at this place is expensive.

    Meanwhile, when I ask my mom for an allowance this year I get, "We'll have to see how much things are going to be for [my little brother] first." She's got to pay for tuition (at a cheaper school, at least), fees, housing, and food for him. I've got a scholarship to cover tuition and most of my fees, got a summer job to pay for rent, and now all I need is money to eat, and I'm not even sure I'll get that. And even though it makes money super tight apparently, my brother can't get a small loan. My parents haven't even pushed him to find a job for the school year. Does this make sense to anyone? It doesn't to me.

    Yesterday I did a little thing online to see if I could qualify for food stamps. Not even a chance. I'll be living with my sister for the school year, who's got a fairly large income. The deal with living with her, though, is that she can't support me. That is not her job, and we agreed on that. She's already letting me pay less than half of what I should be in rent, making it so I don't have to deal with living with strangers, and giving my my very own bedroom, among other things. I'm not going to ask her for any more. But according to the food stamps system, I should be able to. I also have enough in my bank account to pay for food (even though all of that is going to be rent and utilities over the next several months) so yeah, no food stamps for me.

    I'm not in as dire a situation as many people, but it's still a frustrating thing. I wish I didn't have to worry about having enough for food. It would be nice if I just had enough to buy a comic every once in a while or support a thing or two on kickstarter or something. I wish that my mom's top priority was the health and well being of her children.
    • CommentAuthorZJVavrek
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2011
    Let's see, this week...

    I'm not sure anything eventful enough to mentioned happened in the first half of the week. The highlight was Thursday, when, for the first time, I finally went through an Orientation session for a school. I graduated from High School six years ago and have gone to two community colleges, but only Portland State University actually required me to attend Orientation. Met the head of the Philosophy department (currently, my chosen major), who seems like an awesome guy. I also found out about an awkward Financial Aid limit I hadn't known.

    I was aware that there was a dollar limit (about $57.5k) on loans, but not that at a certain number of hours attempted (270), Financial Aid gets annoyed and becomes less willing to loan money. My folks are kind, generous, and affluent enough to pay Jr. College tuition out of pocket, so I haven't given much thought to Financial Aid until this year (I stand around 120-130 hours so far). It seems that if I pursued what I wished to study at a Uni level, I'd go far past when Financial Aid would be cutting me off. I aim for a career in Nuclear Engineering, so I've never been afraid of having to pay back my loans, but now that I'm thinking of cutting into what I do and do not strongly care about... I'm not sure how much I want to bother with significant upper-division work in fields outside of my career, when they're all designed to help me get into a grad school and do research. I want an MEng degree: Professional, not Research.

    The moral of the story? I need to get to Oregon State University and ask them, "What undergrad work would do well in your Master's program?" and just get on that. But this weekend? This weekend, I'm sleeping.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2011
    please ignore this online crap messin with me
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2011
    hey it seemed to been to this wonderful site for sometime.With everything im going through i still feel like cryin over the goodbye from Mr Ellis.Seems like all ive been doing this past year is detox from a life of substance abuse.Im not there yet but will keep trying.Wont go into a pity me yet my body is fucked and my heed is raw/emotional.Spend everyday at meetings listening to same old 12 step shit.It works but fook it does my brain in. yeah,life is sweet..dont do hard drugs kids..
    • CommentAuthoricelandbob
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2011
    You hang in there Flecky! Or i will come there and hug you. And you don't want that....
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2011
    I'm starting a graduate degree in six weeks. If I wasn't sitting in on a Saturday night I'd say that'd be the end of my social life. Ho hum.

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