Whitechapel - OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) Thu, 20 Jun 2013 03:38:29 -0700 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/ Lussumo Vanilla 1.1.4 & Feed Publisher OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306733#Comment_306733 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306733#Comment_306733 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 00:58:19 -0700 Horrible Warning Si
Open Mic is a tradition founded by Spacedaddy Warren. I'm experimenting with launching it on Fridays rather than Sundays, on the grounds that most of us have accumulated a working-week's-worth of toxicity and hatred, and the sooner we can trepan our collective psyches the better.

To paraphrase herr Ellis:

This is your judgement-free space to vent, get stuff out of your head and otherwise experience special Internet Catharsis. Screaming into a well, 21C-style.

Instructions: Tell us about your week. Tell us what you hate, what you love, what's pissing you off. Tell us what's broken about the world, tell us what you want. Tell us how you plan to change everything, tell us what you're building in your basement, or, hell, just dance or play a tune.

I, we, and all of us are here for you. Smash your wordvenom against us. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306739#Comment_306739 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306739#Comment_306739 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 02:43:29 -0700 3millionyears the first couple of days the solitude was a novelty, but I miss the mayhem of having the wife and 3 kids about!
The only downer my wife had was that her bag was stolen in Spain - the cards were cancelled straight away and the sim for the phone was blocked, the annoying thing is the photos of the holiday she had stored on it!

Now organising work and site visits for next week, so that will be mayhem too! ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306743#Comment_306743 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306743#Comment_306743 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 03:08:21 -0700 shannon.gilly.3 OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306747#Comment_306747 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306747#Comment_306747 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 03:59:39 -0700 keyofsilence
Blah blah blah got paid for doing absolutely no work blah blah freelancing for a magazine on a temporary basis for a lot of money blah blah still unemployed.

Much better than last week. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306761#Comment_306761 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306761#Comment_306761 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 05:24:41 -0700 snafu OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306783#Comment_306783 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306783#Comment_306783 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 08:08:56 -0700 sebfowler
Finally got together a half decent script for the animation I'm working on this semester. The last one had to be put down; it was unwell. Pretty excited about the new one and got some good feedback. Slightly terrified about actually making it, because there's so many techniques & processes I've never tried, but I should learn a hell of a lot.
Also, I submitted something I made a while back to a student animation film fest and got accepted, so this week I got to see something I made up on the big screen at one of my favourite venues. It was surreal and quite lovely.
It wasn't all fun and roses, but I'd rather not get into the unpleasant parts. They're over now, moving on.
Hope the week finds you all well. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306791#Comment_306791 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306791#Comment_306791 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 08:48:59 -0700 Nil
Added to this, my girlfriend has been ill for quite some time (we still don't know exactly with what, given that our GP seems to be treating it as if she's imagining the whole thing) and that's starting to take a toll on me. I have to be strong for her, try to keep her spirits up and constantly reassure her that it's going to be OK and it's just sapping what little energy I have these days. What really makes me feel sick is that I find myself getting angry at her, as if it's somehow her fault she's ill. I know that what's actually making me angry is how unfair the illness itself is and how the GP is being such a massive cock about the whole thing, but that gets misdirected sometimes.

Anyway, that was fucking depressing. Have some pictures of cats dressed like Batman.

Also, @snafu - I don't know what to say other than that really sucks and I hope things work out for you. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306797#Comment_306797 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306797#Comment_306797 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 09:41:32 -0700 BOODOFFSTAGE Just a suggestion, but I have noticed that there are some very intelligent people that reside in Whitechapel.
What are your girlfriends symptons? Their may be some here that may have suggestions to what the illness may be.

Or am I breaking some social rule by suggesting this? ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306799#Comment_306799 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306799#Comment_306799 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 09:57:41 -0700 RenThing
Typically it's out of pocket to ask someone about specifics re: a third-party's personal health because you don't know if they would want those details shared. This can be minimized by the fact we have no idea of who Nil or their girlfriend are but I, personally, wouldn't ask for specifics (too used to dealing with not asking since I work in HR because asking can get me, and my employer, in very deep shit).

Plus, also, unless someone's a medical professional (and I don't know if we have any doctors on here), it's just speculation anyway and you can get that for free on webmd.com. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306800#Comment_306800 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306800#Comment_306800 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:00:19 -0700 Nil
I don't think you're breaking any social rules (although my knowledge of such has always been rather shaky), but I'd rather not say. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306803#Comment_306803 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306803#Comment_306803 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:33:51 -0700 kahavi
The good thing is, I've gotten a wealth experience working in this project, and that experience might just land me the job of my dreams. Nothing is definite yet, but so far the feedback has been good. I've been told that I'm one of strongest candidates for the job, and that they are impressed with what I've done thus far. I'm only 25 going on 26, and having the possibility of getting my dream job is both exhilarating and terrifying. I want it so bad, yet I don't want to get my hope up. Been disappointed so many times with other prospects, so... cautious optimism is the way to go, I guess.

(Please, oh please let me get that job. It would solve so many problems.) ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306843#Comment_306843 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306843#Comment_306843 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 16:13:35 -0700 Flabyo
More's the pity.

I've had an absolute shitter of a week. I took the previous week off to recharge, hoping that when I came back the bad things would've been resolved. As it happens, they've been completely ignored.

Now, I've had a poor year with a previous manager who tells me my blunt, forthright, style is demoralsing for my co-workers and that I need to change. And I've worked hard at that, keeping my mouth closed when I really wanted to chip in etc..,

And where has this got me? Utterly screwed. I finally kicked off this week, and rather than be tutted at for being disruptive I've had people say 'why did you wait so long to say something?'

Head. Desk. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306846#Comment_306846 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306846#Comment_306846 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 16:34:34 -0700 brittanica
I started going to Weight Watchers meetings in January, at the insistence of my mom (she offered to pay for it, even). She's done very well (she's lost over 90 lbs. over a year or two), and for a few months, so was I. I lost 23 lbs, got my 10% weight-loss keychain, and almost immediately stopped caring. It's been months since I was at 23 lbs lost. I'm 5 lbs. more than that now. I just can't care. I mean, I haven't gained it all back, thank gods, but I'm still in a place where food=comfort, and of course it's not the kind of food anyone should be eating, and I'm not terribly interested in a life where I eat veggies and not drink soda and where I can't just eat cake all day if I wanna, and I'm being such a child about it, I know...

But I weigh 193 lbs right now. I'm somewhere around 5 feet, 6 inches. I'm not happy, and I'm certainly not healthy. I just can't get it through my head.

But yeah...
E-hugs to nil and snafu and everyone else. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306856#Comment_306856 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306856#Comment_306856 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 17:42:04 -0700 RenThing
I did pretty much walk away from a person, quite possibly for good, after they decided to curse at me. They thought I was shitting on a hobby of theirs but, rather than ask for clarification of what I meant or giving me the benefit of a doubt as a friend, it was fire first and ask questions later. My other friends don't do that shit and so I have to decide whether or not I want to give this person a second chance because I usually have a zero tolerance policy for such bullshit.

Other than that, and that was pretty minor compared to some of the other things going on in this thread, things aren't too bad. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306863#Comment_306863 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306863#Comment_306863 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 18:13:48 -0700 shining_lion OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306874#Comment_306874 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306874#Comment_306874 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 20:46:37 -0700 Rootfireember Emphasis on slowly, as I apparently am having to learn the hard and very painful way that I can't do everything at once, and just how painful a bad anxiety attack can be (If anyone sees my heart/lungs, I'd like them returned from wherever they ran to after escaping my chest cavity). Had an anxiety attack last night. I guess it was from just sitting up. Fuck if I know why, I just tried to get comfy and YEOW. I'm on new medication, waiting for it to do shit, and rather unimpressed that it's a sorta barfy color.
My bosses are being supportive and trying to give me time to recoup.... but I just keep on feeling lame for not being able to handle my normal crazy workload. Guess I pushed everything too far....

I just feel like my mind and body have conspired to betray me at the current time. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306890#Comment_306890 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306890#Comment_306890 Sat, 20 Aug 2011 00:51:58 -0700 Jay Kay
Also, I'm a couple of steps away from possibly getting into a university to soon get my ass a degree. It's just a matter of whether I'll be able to apply for financial aid, and I won't know that until some tax shit is processed. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306893#Comment_306893 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306893#Comment_306893 Sat, 20 Aug 2011 01:27:48 -0700 razrangel
@snafu - sorry to hear that, man. That fucking sucks.
@Nil - also, with an extra eek! for your girlfriend. Hang tough.
Go @kahavi go! and good on ya to @keyofsilence and @shining_lion
Warm thoughts and virtual hugs for @brittanica and @rootfireember - anxiety is an evil bitch that will sometimes shove hot ice into my lungs and grab my heart with a bear trap and next thing I know I haven't moved for a whole day. All I know is to breathe through it.


I'm keepin along. There's been a little ambient anxiety, playing off some slight depression, feeding the ambient anxiety, setting off the slight depression... Annoying more than anything. I'm really, really done with the suicidal scenarios that run at the hint of the merest idea that I might look a little silly in front of someone. It's like if I don't hit the bullseye but just the next closest ring the projectionist who runs little scenarios in my head and is my own personal Bad idea Bear will ever so helpfully show me that the best solution to get out of such a monstrous error of being less than flawless involves a rope and sturdy clothing rack. Oh Fuck Off, says I. What the hell does that guy know, anyway?

Well, the fucking irony of my life is that the mechanic in my head that I need to judge my work, not just for good or bad quality but for characteristics (more blue? less yellow? flatten? deepen? lighten?), is just as twisted as the projectionist and gets off on wallowing on how it's not bright enough, or hot enough, or sharp enough, too weird or too weak.

I want the projectionist gone but I need the mechanic. I just need her to be less of a sadist. I think those two are going out together, too. Bastards.

Began Japanese 203. Relieved that I haven't completely forgotten everything over the summer, but forgot a lot more than I like. Made all these plans over the summer to study. Haha. Plans are so cute. Made plans to make sure I'd have time to study before Monday's class. HAHAHA. ahh. Just like old times.

Final edit of the demo is done. When I post it on my Web site plan on me making it unavoidable. }:> Next is making a pretty CD package for it, though I really need to also get some serious leg work going on figuring out how to market it. I hate the idea of having to go into offices and make a nuisance of myself but I don't have better options at the moment. The best option is a pro offering to take in to his or her agent, which obviously isn't an option I can create for myself. Guh. this is the part that I knew was coming, I knew would be the most uncomfortable. It could explain why I keep waking up grinding my teeth.

Oh and improv class was fun. I have a cool teacher who is kind of telling me the same thing every coach has said - speak up! - but regularly tells me she likes what I bring (when she can hear me). YEah. HAha brain things. I'm plenty loud when I know what I'm saying. Lose all the oomph when I have to make it up on the spot...as in...improvising! hilarious.

Only other thing from this week was editing a friend's Masters dissertation. with it being 50ish pages long and her needing it back after three days I couldn't get terribly in depth with the content. So I shut myself away as much as I could, cleaned up the text and asked questions where things weren't too clear and sent it back. I sure hope it does well. It was in dramatic arts, looking at the threshold theatre that is immersive gaming. I could have spent weeks looking into it & reading up on the ideas it raised but alas, no. But I really want to read up on Husserl now. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306912#Comment_306912 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306912#Comment_306912 Sat, 20 Aug 2011 08:10:45 -0700 ravnos
I GOT A MUHFUCKIN' JOB! However mine pays sporadically... I'm a freelance writer for MIT Technology Review now.
Woo!
Now I need to learn to write... shit.

Also - Sam Adam's Octoberfest, my generic beer of choice is out for the season. Woo! That might not helping with the learning to write... ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306959#Comment_306959 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306959#Comment_306959 Sat, 20 Aug 2011 17:36:51 -0700 glukkake
Back in 2006, shortly after graduating, I was in talks with a friend of mine about doing a porn shoot for her site based on silkscreening, since I was new to screen printing & so in love with it and also had secret lusts for being something like a Suicide Girl. I planned out the whole thing, but ultimately couldn't really find a place where we could stage such a thing. Time passed and the idea was forgotten.

Now. Now that I am a Real Printer, the idea of a silkscreen porno shoot horrifies me, if only because the idea that printing abandoned for sex/masturbation would ultimately lead to INK DRYING IN THE SCREEN. This is the worst thing ever, because it can ruin a screen at worst or result in hours of scrubbing with ink degrade and power washing. I cringe at the thought of leaving my screen even to get a glass of water. I can't imagine abandoning it for something like SEX.

I have abandoned my reckless nymph lifestyle and became a giant nerd.

The end. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306961#Comment_306961 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306961#Comment_306961 Sat, 20 Aug 2011 18:04:50 -0700 RobSpalding Dad bought a new car and through circumstances I was the first to drive it (heh).

Tonight, went to the pub. Met a nice girl, spent much of the night talking to her. She let me walk her home, then twenty feet from her door told me she had a boyfriend who is an arsehole, so I should not get any closer to her house.
Argh.
I can always pick 'em. Explains why I've been single so long. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306973#Comment_306973 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306973#Comment_306973 Sat, 20 Aug 2011 22:11:44 -0700 dorkmuffin OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306978#Comment_306978 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306978#Comment_306978 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 01:09:37 -0700 Jay Kay
Maybe it's the idea of Suicide Girl internet pr0nz that's making my brain no workee, but even after looking at the wikipedia page, I don't quite get how screen printing relates to porno shoots at all.

Also, update on my previous post: Turns out my first day of the job isn't today, but NEXT Saturday, and I walked around aimlessly at the stadium for an hour for nothing. Ha ha ha ha ha. FML. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306987#Comment_306987 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=306987#Comment_306987 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 05:08:34 -0700 Labyrinthine
Oh, and then I tried to organise a Zine workshop but nobody showed up. It was awkward. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307006#Comment_307006 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307006#Comment_307006 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 14:09:12 -0700 sellmeyoursoul
Then I met with the ex to talk about our daughter. That didn't go well. Apparently, the arrangement we'd discussed about six months ago was different in her head and in mine. We have half custody at the moment, which means the kid bounces back and forth from house to house during the week. That's not going to work when she starts school. My ex thinks I should move to a town with a great school system that is less than half an hour away from her and that she'll drive our daughter to that school on days she has her. Great theory (except the bit where that's insane), but I can't afford rent, daycare and child-support in a nice town. The only reason I can now is that I'm living in my mom's basement (the kid get's the real bedroom). We live over an hour appart, so if I can't afford to move, we'll have to go to court and have a nasty custody battle. I genuinely believe that my daughter is better off living with me, or I'd sign over custody and be done with it. Heck, the extra child support I'd pay would still be way less than it costs to take care of her half time, so I'd be financially ahead. But damn it, I want to be a good parent. Grrr. Things my get worse before they get better.

After that ray of sunshine, I got some supplies for our camping trip with my best friend and his family next weekend. Then it was off to my bar to get some writing done while knocking off beers on my list. I'm now one beer away from the half-way point, with just under 90 days to finish. That mug will be mine. (@OldHat, sorry for blaming you for the bad beer I consumed. It's entirely possible I was a bit pissed.) I managed to finish a draft of the four issue comic story I'm doing. So, it was a good night.

Today, I recorded a second guitar track on a song I'm writing and that filled it out nicely. I think all the recording for that one is done and it's just down to mixing. I threw out the orcestral stuff on a different song because it wasn't working and started over again. I'm making progress (although I think the cello has to go). And now I'm going to spend the evening laying around being lazy, trying not to think of the hellish (yet shortened... yay camping trip!) work week I have waiting for me. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307013#Comment_307013 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307013#Comment_307013 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 16:00:49 -0700 Fishelle
My week was pretty lame overall, but the weekend has been delightful. Nothing really to vent about tonight. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307016#Comment_307016 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307016#Comment_307016 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 16:46:17 -0700 Soviet Rocket No. 9
Sorry to bitch and bring down the party, I'd just know you would listen Whitechapel. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307027#Comment_307027 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307027#Comment_307027 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 21:13:51 -0700 Rachæl Tyrell
When everyone else arrived, there was a map with clues, an island to row to, pirate hats worn, adventure to be had.... and then there was the rain. The rain that did not stop. Rain so severe that it made more sense to run out of the tent naked when I had to pee. This seemed to run into problems when I discovered two of my friends out for a midnight cigarette, but then realized that nobody minded that I was naked and so I got to hang out standing naked in the pouring summer midnight rain, smoking cigarettes with two fellows I've known since I was 15.

Seems the park rangers ran off with the treasure, and this we only realised after digging an amazingly massive hole. Sadly, I'd asked a friend to hold my glasses, who then forgot about that and went to row to shore, then capsized. So, my glasses are at the bottom of a lake somewhere.

That means new fancy prism glasses are added on to the list of sudden financial crises: a $200 phone bill, a $300 electricity bill, etc etc etc.

I spent the week at a friend's house at my hometown in upstate NJ, amazed and joyful at the cacophony of cricketsong at night, loving hanging out with awesome people, and hatching money making ideas.

Dear Soviet Rocket: I am a freshman in college at 34 years old, and I've only had 7 (nonconsecutive) months of being called someone's girlfriend in the PAST TEN YEARS. You should not worry about approaching things "too late". You are doing fine.

Last week I went to a party of art students for the first time. I don't think any of them knew that I was ten years older than most.

Here is me from that night, wearing a polkadot dress:

]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307028#Comment_307028 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307028#Comment_307028 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 21:35:16 -0700 trini_naenae
@Nil: Well bugger that sucks. I know that mentioning this is obvious and a long shot at the same time, but can your girlfriend get a second opinion from a different GP? I hope things improve and soon. Also, I enjoyed the cats dressed as batman link.

@kahavi: I'm crossing fingers for you!

@Flabyo: As frustrating as the situation is, the fact that people reacted to your criticisms positively means things will probably improve. I'm hoping it's sooner than later.

@brittanica: Aw hugs. I think you can do it.

@Rootfireember: I hope things are better already.

@razrangel: Those fucking bad idea bears. Seriously. Part of me thinks it would be cathartic to make some bad idea bear figures and then beat the shit out of them. Not that I'd get around to it, but I'm enjoying the mental picture at least. Clearly you are talented, as your teachers/coaches seem to love you.

@RobSpalding: Sorry to hear it. If it is any comfort, you aren't alone in having difficulties with singleness.

@Soviet Rocket No. 9: Repeat after me, There is no shame in not having a fancy job at 25. Or living with family. Seriously. By the way, the entire moving out and making your own way is a very new world sort of thing. Traditionally, people lived with their family for generations, and if you visit non-Western cultures, you'll find that is still very common. Also, I'm 26, haven't finished college, still live with my parents, am very single and make pizzas. While I am working on moving out, I still think you're beating up on yourself too much. Also, this is so the thread for bitching. Woo bitching!

@Rachael: The fun times sound very fun. If only your life wasn't so expensive? Also, in your photo, the girl on the left looks like she's got part of a spinal column on her necklace, though I'm fairly sure they are actually fake flowers and I'm just seeing things. Still, the idea of a spinal column necklace seems kind of cool.

I'll get around to writing about my week eventually... ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307039#Comment_307039 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307039#Comment_307039 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 01:24:53 -0700 tedcroland
I fear I am disappearing up my own rectal cavity. My average thought process goes something like this: Consider a fact/idea! Examine. Come to conclusion. Assume that conclusion is only metaphysically possible in my own mind the way it is. Consider that this thought might make me a narcissist (or of narcissistic quality). Question legitimacy of own conclusion. Wonder for a while whether or not I could properly articulate my idea to a person without it losing all meaning. Consider that that assumes I am smarter than them. Hate self for being so aggrandizing. Sudden, inexorable need to share idea. Share idea with one or several friends. Have them say it's smart in some manner (anywhere from "That is SO interesting," to "Um...yeah."). Question whether they are just being polite in my own head. Conclude that I cannot know and it is arrogant to assume they are anything but genuine. Assume anyway that idea was bad. Move on to new idea.

And the last part, with the social dimension? If I briefly consider the implications of that, the rabbit hole knows no end.

I find more and more that either I am set up to fail in many regards, by myself or the simple circumstances of my life, or both, and that this is making me both more analytical and emotionally fragile. For example, I asked a girl on a date through an email. She said "yes," and I asked her what she liked to do. Fucking stoked, right? Like you are when that goes on. It has now been a day and a half with no response, so naturally I bring up the spreadsheet in my head of reasons why she would not respond in the usual interval, and the very consideration of the breadth of reasons she would not respond have crushed my heart and my excitement for her having said "yes" in the first place. This, I know, is fucking stupid and shouldn't bother me at all. However, rather than forget about it, get some sleep and wait patiently for a response, I am whining about it to you guys. And hoping that she's biding her time for some non-deplorable reason, and hope that my simple way of being was not what made her stop responding.

I feel like my brain is putting me in feedback loops to drive me crazy. Maybe I'll write a really good book on the way down and end up homeless or dead by the age of 30. Many of my heroes ended up the same way, maybe a little older.

So that's my life right now. Praying to nobody my new roommates don't hate me already and for some random girl I don't know to email me back.

Also I don't drink, otherwise I would be very drunk forever at this point. I am understanding more and more why philosophers often drink themselves to death or go insane.

Shit, people, sorry for the long post.

Rachael, you look awesome in that dress and that sounds like it was an awesome time despite the loss of glasses. Though the disembodied hand and breast make that picture incredibly surreal.

Rocket, you'll be fine. Buck up, man, everything's cool and you'll work it out. The discovery is going to be so much more satisfying with a harsh journey.

Thank fuck posts are saved from reloading windows by accident. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307049#Comment_307049 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307049#Comment_307049 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 04:22:47 -0700 Fauxhammer OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307053#Comment_307053 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307053#Comment_307053 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 04:48:06 -0700 Kay Orchison
After band practice one Friday about a month ago the guys who run the studio slammed the door behind us to keep out the stray cat that kept darting in to beg - tabby, nuts on him like the lower deck of the Harbour Bridge, skin and bones, eyes glued shut with grey pus.

I tried not to think about it. Failed. Went back next day with a box of cat biscuits. He was a ball of rags asleep in some timber packing crates when I pulled up. My van was built in 1974 and it makes a racket and stink but he never budged. I opened the boot and picked up the box of biscuits and he was at my ankle.

He was bleeding from the mouth and couldn't eat the biscuits. I watched him try at the dish a couple of times then gave him the moderately expensive roast chicken slices I'd gotten from the deli for my lunch. He just about took my finger with them.

Me, I'll be 40 in December. I was a speed addict in the early 90s, smoked a couple of packs a day for 20 years, still have one episodically. I drink a six pack before dinner and a half bottle of wine after. I run flat out on the treadmill for 20 minutes three mornings a week and do 40 minutes of weights afterward, bench press 100kg in 3 sets of 15. I'm still carrying about 20kg extra from the booze.

I took the kids to the dentist on the Monday of that week and stopping in to the health fund office afterward with the receipts I saw they had a heart check station in the foyer, I thought what the hell, let's have a look. Blood pressure 120/80, cholesterol and sugar both normal.

My wife Lou has never smoked and drinks about 2 glasses of wine a year. I set her in an ambulance at 9:30 that night because her heart was skipping beats. It's happened before but this time it went on for a couple of hours. At first I was counting it in 5/4 time which is pretty screwy for something that has 4 ventricles. Then she walked down the hall and I checked again and it went 17, 3, 11, 2, 8, 5, 7, 3 - and then she said her arms were tingling and her chest was hurting and I picked up the phone.

So she got home about 5:30 AM with a ream of ECG printouts and a referral to a cardiologist. It's a heart arrhythmia, which can have many possible causes, including having a Dilbert-esque boss, coincidentally. I'll say no more on that to avoid libel.

I got up at 6:30 that Monday morning and made breakfast for the kids, got them dressed, made their lunches and walked them to school. Then I went home, slept till lunchtime, drove down and picked up Bolts - well, what would YOU call something with nuts like that? He accepted the food I gave him then walked into the cat-cage of his own accord and sat down. Started purring as I shut the door. I don't speak fluent Cat but I translated that as "Oh thank fuck, my ride's here. I was beginning to think you weren't coming. Home, James, and don't spare the horses."

He had a lot of passengers. Fleas, scabies lice, worms, whatever microorganisms were in his eyes. The vet said he had some of the worst teeth he'd ever seen. $220 later I had a showbag full of pills and serums and a cat. Hooray for credit cards. There's going to be hell to pay for this later.

I set him up on the back verandah because I didn't fancy explaining to the school how my kids came to get scabies.

http://www.thirdangel.com/Bolts1.JPG

Meet Bolts. He's no oil painting but it wouldn't be a cat of mine that didn't look like it had been sicked up by another cat. He does have lynx tufts and a lemur tail though.

Apparently the guy who runs a business from the building adjacent to the crates where Bolts was sleeping "wants his cat back" and is "prepared to pay vet bills" to achieve this.

Bolts was about 2 weeks from death when I took him in, according to the vet.

So this guy who reckons he "owns" this cat had better hope that nothing ever spooks me into thinking he might have taken action against anyone on my manor, let alone me. If grief ever comes to the beautiful and utterly illegal venue I rehearse in I will turn over the vet report to the RSPCA with his name and address on it, so he'd better pray no-one ever grasses on us.

Bolts is peachy now. He has a Thing about me, he'll come in a window if he hears my voice, and if I'm wearing my leathers he'll ride my shoulder like a pirate's parrot for half an hour at a time.

He's a cat, not a petrie dish. If this stupid fucking prick wants to farm invertebrates he should go to Bunnings and get a polystyrene box. He can't have the cat.
So I told the studio to tell him that he has my card so he can call me if he needs to be personally told to fuck off.

It was Lou's and my 12th wedding anniversary yesterday so I brought my lovely wife something big and dirty, as requested. It was awkward driving home with it, I can tell you. 300 kg of topsoil. What? Did I miss something?

OK so I also got her a bunch of irises and her favourite sav blanc, and made roast chook with carrots, parsnips, kipfler tatties and gravy.

So then when I was getting it out the oven I slipped, and splashed hot fat on the floor, cupboard door and oven. I wiped it up but apparently not well enough. Later when I was going to bed I let Bolts in to sleep but no dice, he belted into the kitchen and did frantic laps making little squeaky barking noises and randomly licking surfaces, like, "Oh my God, Chief! I can't believe the readings I'm getting! It's like there was an EXPLOSION OF CHICKEN - "

So I threw him back out. I swear nothing was on fire when I did that.

So this is where it gets FUCKING WEIRD. Heard cat biff about 5:15 this morning, got up to call him in. Couldn't see the tarp that covers the barbecue. Turned on the outside light. Found this.

http://www.thirdangel.com/omgwtfbbq.JPG??

The BBQ hadn't been used since autumn, it was a clear still night that got down to about 12 degrees, the tarp was heavy waxed canvas and it was soaking wet after yesterday's rain.??It definitely wasn't on fire when I went to bed. This morning it was just scraps and ashes and it looks like we were lucky to avoid a gas bottle explosion.

Either it was spontaneous combustion or the cat has been smoking. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307058#Comment_307058 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307058#Comment_307058 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 05:47:03 -0700 Berserker
And after today I'll probably have to start taking the BUS to work until we can get the car working right again, which is an extra hour or two less in every day. I don't even make $10 an hour. I should probably be doing something like drawing comics instead, but at this rate I'll never get over the hill before I end up under it.

I also feel generally disliked around here, but that's probably a) just me, and b) totally justified. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307067#Comment_307067 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307067#Comment_307067 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 06:52:48 -0700 Foamhead
I just wanted to say a word or two, in appreciation, about my step-uncle Ron, who died last night, aged 80-something. We weren't close, in fact I hadn't seen or spoken to him for at least 25 years and I won't be going to his funeral. No biggy - this is the only abiding memory I have of him and, for me, Whitechapel feels like a more appropriate place to say this than any real chapel would.
Anyway, as small, trivial and overblown as it may sound, Ron was the responsible adult who, probably after drawing the short straw, took me to the original Odeon cinema in Manchester (including a 90 minute queue virtually the whole way around the building) when I was eight years old to see Star Wars. My step-brother and Ron's son, who came along too, both liked the movie but, for better or for worse, it was me who emerged utterly blown away. If it hadn't been for Ron, I almost certainly would never have heard of this place, Warren Ellis, Si Spurrier or any of the other things I mainline for escapism and joy to this day.
Ron never knew any of this; he led a long and very full life so I doubt he'd even remember that one afternoon. To him, it was probably just another three-hour burden from the never-ending list of responsibilities he had to perform as a parent/uncle/responsible adult. But this still makes him a major, if inadvertent, part of the three or four things in life I can point to and say they permanently changed it.
That's all. Thanks for the indulgence. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307074#Comment_307074 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307074#Comment_307074 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 07:39:55 -0700 256
he has my card so he can call me if he needs to be personally told to fuck off
This is a great line. Hope yr mrs is faring well. Keep us updated on the cat/mystery fires/etc., won't you? ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307106#Comment_307106 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307106#Comment_307106 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 11:42:42 -0700 trini_naenae OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307111#Comment_307111 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307111#Comment_307111 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 12:09:51 -0700 oldhat It's gonna happen.

This past week has been...pretty damn good. I am officially, after being stuck in the purgatory of a low-paying job that I couldn't leave, On The Job Market, having been given a blessing to look for something else and in the meantime staying with my current job and taking a raise in pay so I can actually save up for things and take in further bonuses when the company takes on new clients. Feeling really good about this because, as I said, I can actually start saving.

This weekend was filled with too much drinking...far too much drinking. Yesterday and today seems to be devoted to feeling dreadful not eating and leaking in ways that terrify me.

This week...jeez. This week will be pretty big. The Fan Expo is coming up, but I'm finding it hard to get excited because the ONE PERSON I wanted to see (John Waters) will only be signing autographs on the one day I can't make it. This devastates me because I have a first edition copy of his autobiography "Shock Value" that I really wanted signed. Alas, alas. But there are also comics. And nerd speed-dating, which I signed up for on a lark. And friends. And Avatar. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307122#Comment_307122 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307122#Comment_307122 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 13:21:36 -0700 Jay Kay OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307126#Comment_307126 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307126#Comment_307126 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 13:34:57 -0700 Osmosis OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307128#Comment_307128 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307128#Comment_307128 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 13:39:17 -0700 allana Wait. There's gonna be nerd speed-dating?! Best idea ever.

@Rachael, great dress. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307130#Comment_307130 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307130#Comment_307130 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 13:55:41 -0700 StefanJ OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307133#Comment_307133 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307133#Comment_307133 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 14:12:50 -0700 Beamish OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307139#Comment_307139 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307139#Comment_307139 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 16:07:07 -0700 tedcroland OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307143#Comment_307143 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307143#Comment_307143 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 16:46:01 -0700 oldhat
It's one of those situations where the mind KNOWS that it's a reasonable thing and that there shouldn't be any shame in the situation and hell, it's not like there are no plans in the near future to get out, is it?

But then, I find, something happens. You go to a house party, you meet up with a friend who has been on their own since they were 18, a "your place or mine?" situation comes up, or, as the case with me just this past friday, a friend takes you aside and says "come on, time to move out".

And you don't know how to respond to that shit. I find myself scattering my words in an attempt to give the logical reason for it. And there are plenty of valid reasons for it. But it can be pretty easy to feel shame because you know people who seem one step ahead of you in "doing what they want". And it doesn't help that quite a few people automatically put someone who lives with their folks in the "lazy, unemployed, doing nothing with their lives" department. Which as wrong as hell, but, for me anyways, I find hard to refute without sounding like I'm deluding myself. But then, I'm not good at explaining things. But basically, while it's logical to dismiss those things because they aren't you and they really have no idea about the situation, something just...ticks. I can't explain it.

In short, to me personally, the living situation is something I don't think of as a terrible thing 90% of the time because logically, I know the reasons behind it. But there are small points in time where you get someone who doesn't know the situation or, by being on their own, plays on the insecurity over it a bit. And those times can be tough.

I hope I made sense with all that rambling. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307145#Comment_307145 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307145#Comment_307145 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:33:49 -0700 tedcroland
And to all of us that remained "too long" at the parents' house: Yeah, we all felt real bad about it at sometime or another, but the complexity of reasons why one might "stay behind" can be much more work than simply moving out. For me, since my parents tax records were fucked, I couldn't get financial aid until I turned 24, so it was either quit school and move out or stay and feel crappy about it. On top of that, two years ago my mother fell ill and wasn't able to drive, so I felt I had to stick around and help her in any way I could. My brothers did not exactly feel the same way, and lived further away than in the same house.

There isn't anything that's going to make you not panic sometimes, question yourself, go through the whole bit about "Who am I if I stay," or whatever you do, but the underlying impulse to question yourself that way is what makes you a decent person. You have an impulse to be better or greater than you are, and the social weights put upon you for not moving out reflect in your mind as stagnation, but regardless of where you are, you are still a person that wants to be better, and that's more than can be said for a lot of people that live on their own.

Look into your future and ask yourself if there will ever be a time where you don't want to be more awesome than you were before. Then remember that getting better is way more awesome than being better. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307146#Comment_307146 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307146#Comment_307146 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:44:18 -0700 razrangel
And this isn't the end...I don't know what comes after making sure people know my voice and pay me for my work; and or translating, traveling and who knows what else. But I'm not done learning and taking up new skills, new artforms. My dad took up carpentry in this forties and learned to play the harp in his sixties. Unless you're dead, it's never too late to learn something new, to express yourself in a new way, to let go of who you think are and evolve.

Self-definition is a trap. (stolen from someplace) ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307183#Comment_307183 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307183#Comment_307183 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 00:29:51 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307185#Comment_307185 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307185#Comment_307185 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 00:40:35 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307198#Comment_307198 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307198#Comment_307198 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 01:00:45 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307210#Comment_307210 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307210#Comment_307210 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 01:28:31 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307221#Comment_307221 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307221#Comment_307221 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 02:41:52 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307280#Comment_307280 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307280#Comment_307280 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 12:59:03 -0700 Fauxhammer
@living-with-folks folks: I lived with my pop until I was 27; it really wasn't any thing. Circumstances will improve, you mark my fucking words. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307306#Comment_307306 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307306#Comment_307306 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 18:29:02 -0700 mister86 OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307319#Comment_307319 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307319#Comment_307319 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 22:10:23 -0700 Anopheles
My graduate thesis gallery show is coming up in a month. The school finally posted it on their calendar, and I've bought the frames for the illustrations. So, this is actually going to happen. I should be thrilled, but really I'm scared.

I worry that the illustrations for the show are not up to snuff, especially since my fellow grads' work was so exceptional. Sometimes I feel my stuff is amateurish or too 'genre'. The show is about my aliens cultural project, which I've discussed with some people here. My biggest worry is that people will walk in, see the work, and say, "So?" ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307332#Comment_307332 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307332#Comment_307332 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 01:28:08 -0700 tedcroland
I thank fuck for the good friends I have that have saved me from a lot of loneliness and self torture over the course of the last few months, but even though I now live with one of them, I feel that the dark nights are going to be dark for awhile. Makes me sad for myself, but I don't wholly feel like I deserve better.

I've always been emotionally alone. I think it comes from being "the weird kid," the misunderstood child, that I don't trust I will be fully understood by those I'm close to, even if I know they want what's best for me. Maybe this is the trap of the romance, that I am so dutifully good to those I get involved with because I am making up for bringing too much emotion to the relationship. I try and be fair. I also (evidently) exclusively date selfish women. I'm not sure why that is.

I hope you're all doing well tonight, Whitechapel, because as you can tell I'm not at my best. Classes start tomorrow, and I have a full 5 days of stuff to do, so we will see if anything cheers me up, but this is a familiar sadness that I know crops up from time to time. And all it takes to return is a simple, common disappointment. I think too much and that exacerbates everything.

Hm. I wonder if I can spill out here a bit without being the worst person ever. Let me tell you about the New Sadness. It's a lot like the old one, and they are friends and rarely go anywhere together.

I dated the same girl for more than two years. Not epic but not to be scoffed at either. I loved her very much. She did things to me that are unacceptable by anybody's standards, but I, effectively by myself, tried to hold everything together. She was selfish, incapable of seeing outside herself, lost in her books and excuses to reinforce her self-centered world.

At first it was simple: I did everything I could, and she did very little. I can handle that, I am dutiful to my friends, and only moreso to my other-halves. When the emotional abuse began, I was so unalarmed that I saw it as an obstacle. It was never an obstacle. It took me a long time to see it for what it was. When the physical abuse began, I was shocked. Though it was so rare, and due to intoxication, I took it on as another obstacle.

Now I am wholly feminist pro-women equal blahblah, like any other decent person is whether they realize it or not. But I can never hit a woman, ever. It is not in my nature to hit anyone, and the exacerbating factors of this include the fact that the woman who happened to deserve it was my girlfriend, whom I still loved very much. It wasn't fun.

Disclaimer: women of WC, if a man ever hits you, hit him the fuck back. If he's stronger, wait until he's not looking and hit him with a fucking bat. It's not about stronger or weaker, and it's not about equality: that man is violating the one and only thing that he undoubtedly knows is 100% wrong forever. Legitimacy of the moray aside, it is literally the only moral question that has only one answer for a man in this culture. "Should you hit a woman, for any reason?" "No," answers anyone except Sean Connery. It is the test of a man's moral fortitude, to have a woman really deserve to be hit and to swallow it and walk away.

But I couldn't live up to that standard. I never hit her back, I only ever stopped her from hitting me, which was not easy, but it was all I could muster in my heart. In retrospect, either was heartbreaking. Maybe I would respect myself more if I had hit her back. But I loved her, so I didn't. Anyway.

So she dumped me. Said we weren't right for each other, and that we each deserved better. I knew I did, I knew she didn't, but that's what she said. She immediately started sleeping around and has since become insufferable in the tenuous social reach we're still within. Also, she gets to go to France for a year while I stick around Sonoma County continuing to be sad. Makes you feel a certain way to emotionally, financially, transportationally, socially support someone and then have them get to make their life MORE amazing by bailing when you need them.

This was months ago, of course, but I constantly wonder if I will ever get over it. I have a deep fear that I will love her for the rest of my life, maybe more than anyone I meet in the future.

Sad songs and waltzes, I suppose.

Thanks, Whitechapel, for listening. You people are not so terrible; I want you to remember that. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307339#Comment_307339 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307339#Comment_307339 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:20:03 -0700 government spy
I feel for you mate. I really do. I'm currently dating an (somewhat more manageable, these days) alcoholic, and have been for almost 4 years.

We had a rough patch for a while there that involved both of us being pretty drunk and her throwing a pint glass at me and hitting the shit out of me. The best you can do, it sounds like you did. You try to defend yourself the best you can without actually throwing any punches.

You don't hit her, because you still have to live with yourself afterwards, regardless of whether she stays or goes, you still have to look yourself in the mirror the next day.
(Afterwards, I made the statement, "If you ever feel like swinging at me again; make it good. Because the next time things get physical, will be the last time you ever see me." Because of the job, if I ever have a domestic disturbance call, I lose my job. It's that plain and simple for me. Luckily, the drinking has gone way down, and the fighting has gone to zero)
I guess I can say you're better off now, though I'm sure that doesn't mean too much. The only advice I feel is appropriate, is don't confuse how shitty she may have treated you with how you actually deserve to be treated.

When something similar happened to me, I was hurt and confused, and found it hard to talk to anyone about the situation. Because I'm a dumb male and sometimes machismo gets in the way of admitting that a woman threw a spectacular right cross on my jaw that hurt for several days, and later it made me cry. How do you tell your "best bro" that, and still be a man? I'm not about to go to some support group for battered boyfriends.

Thank the Gods for Whitechapel, because it really helped me through that. I can tell you people much more than I can tell people who are supposedly close to me. You already are doing the right thing by venting a bit, and you seem fairly self aware of what happened and how you're dealing. Keep it up; it gets better. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307342#Comment_307342 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307342#Comment_307342 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:54:32 -0700 taphead
I have a deep fear that I will love her for the rest of my life, maybe more than anyone I meet in the future.


That's a fear I've become well acquainted with. After my breakup this spring I had that on repeat in my brainpan, and people kept telling me I'll get over it. And what do you know, I did, over this past month or so. It's too bad that the feelings I once had have turned into a slight resentment, but at least I no longer feel that damn longing for something that never actually became real.

Short version: I guess it's my turn to be the one to tell you things will get better. You'll see someone and (possibly only afterwards) realise that during that contact you no longer had her on your mind. It doesn't even matter if nothing comes of it, just the realisation itself is wonderful.

(I understand I'm projecting like a matriphile here, but still. Sympathies. 2011 has been such a shit year for far too many good people.) ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307344#Comment_307344 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307344#Comment_307344 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:54:41 -0700 kahavi
Hang in there, you crazy diamonds, hang in there. Life can't always kick people as awesome as you in the head. It's impossible.

@trini_naenae, @razrangel:

Thanks for the well wishes. They mean a lot to me.


Guys, girls, ladies, gents... I got the job. They called me today and said they wanted to hire me. I accepted. I... I got my dream job. I can't believe I got my dream job. THERE'S NO CRYING AT WHITECHAPEL, DAMMIT. For the first time in months I do not need to worry about my immediate future. I got The Job.

(thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou) ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307345#Comment_307345 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307345#Comment_307345 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:01:14 -0700 sellmeyoursoul
It sounds like you're doing some introspection, which is good. A bit of therapy would probably not hurt if you could afford it. The key is to figure out how to break the cycle. I've been told there's good women out there, hold out for one of them. Being single isn't the end of the world.

Your post also starts off sounding like you may have some self-esteem shit to work out, which could by why you feel you deserve(?) to be treated like crap. You don't. No one does. Without getting all vile huggy, you have something unique to offer the world and a right to seek happiness. Figure out what the former is and how you'll get the latter. Focus on that. Anything else is a waste of time. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307374#Comment_307374 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307374#Comment_307374 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 11:14:48 -0700 Scrymgeour
For me well.....26 graduated a while ago and still waiting for a decent job to happen, still a waiter but making the cash. Just wish there were more heritage jobs out there, it is seriously dead man's shoes. I also think i may get turned down for volunteer work too..... They won't even let me be a slave....
desperately wishing i did a media degree or something rather than an academic one that was pushed on me by school etc....
fucking rubbish ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307386#Comment_307386 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307386#Comment_307386 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 12:26:43 -0700 Alan Tyson
@Tedcroland: From what I can see of things, you did everything right - at that goes a long way toward you eventually being alright, down the road. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307405#Comment_307405 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307405#Comment_307405 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:23:27 -0700 tedcroland
@gov spy: Yeah man, it's a tough thing to talk about. I'm right there with you: after the breakup, I was trying to distance myself without directly telling my friends what to do, and I came to a point with a couple of my closest friends where the only thing I could really say was "If I told you you would probably hate her." They pretty much ignored it.

I want to clarify a few things about that post: I was very sleepy when I wrote that, so there is some idiosyncratic syntax that makes me look like a total asshole. I hope it is clear that I meant "Even if she DID deserve it," and not that women deserve to be hit, in the disclaimer-y part. Also, I hope all the ladies here understand what I was getting at with that in the first place. One of the great things about this place is how friendly it is for both men and women, and I would hate to be one of the people that harmed that dynamic, even in a small way like that.

Anything else that seems weird or confusing should probably just be ignored. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307412#Comment_307412 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307412#Comment_307412 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 15:31:08 -0700 Soviet Rocket No. 9
Other than that, the college bookstore I'm working at is in its busiest time (fall classes just started, kids fresh from high school without their parents), and all I want to do strangle the next person who asks me a question about when their book is coming in. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307417#Comment_307417 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307417#Comment_307417 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 16:13:12 -0700 256
I hope you don't delete/edit your previous post. I think it has value to the community - if nothing else, there may be someone reading it and realising that there's someone else who is in the same situation as them. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307428#Comment_307428 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307428#Comment_307428 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 17:03:56 -0700 flecky
The woman who used to help me with all this tech stuff no longer wants to hang with me as i am a uncool cripple since my legs decided to stop working due to secondary drug damage. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307433#Comment_307433 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307433#Comment_307433 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 17:37:19 -0700 flecky i have an enlarged ventricle going to my lungs which is threatening to strangle my heart at any time.Thank you crack!! Look,no one held a gun to my head and said take drugs..I accept it was my choice..Yet still feel like nuking London from orbit for being labelled!!Im all alone in this but do not give a fuck..I dont know if i should be dumping this on you guys. To be honest i fear im gonna be shot down and put on time out because i have little self worth..All i want to do is connect with people who love Warren Ellis fiction as much as me! Im going to be crying through the night anyway..fucking lonely..please give me a break.RESPECT to you all! ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307436#Comment_307436 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307436#Comment_307436 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 17:51:38 -0700 Soviet Rocket No. 9 OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307437#Comment_307437 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307437#Comment_307437 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:15:45 -0700 flecky Im looking forward..not back! ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307814#Comment_307814 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307814#Comment_307814 Mon, 29 Aug 2011 09:53:17 -0700 BOODOFFSTAGE but i found myself disturbed by the fact that she is now making the same hourly pay rate that I, A college graduate and now 10 years as a warranty administrator makes.
I'm happy for her, but I'm feeling very disappointed in myself right now. It's time for a change. Processing.... ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307827#Comment_307827 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307827#Comment_307827 Mon, 29 Aug 2011 13:06:29 -0700 oldhat
The first was when I went to Nerd Speed Dating at Fan Expo. Now, just to be clear, I did this for a laugh and went in with ZERO expectations on finding anybody. So with that said, I think the most I took away from that experience is that I've learned a little more about what I DON'T want in a partner. Don't get me wrong, they seemed like nice guys, but...well, I like varied interests that spread across many different subjects whereas these guys...it seemed very clear that their particular geek interest was THEIR LIFE. Also some of the guys looked like they expected to be in a dominant role in any possible relationship and...no. Other than that, wow. That was...definitely an extremely geeky crowd haha.

I ran in to an old mutual friend of The Shitbag Ex on Saturday. First time seeing him in over two years. He didn't really know what happened and was a bit surprised when I cut him off from telling me what that ex was up to and was REALLY surprised when I referred to the ex as "That asshole who I don't deal with anymore". And to be honest, I'm happy with my reaction. A year or so ago I would have jumped at the chance to hear some news about him and would have practically gone in to a bad-memory-induced seizure upon hearing his name. Now I...just don't give a shit anymore. And that's really comforting considering that this was such a heart-shattering break up for me.

What else? Well, over the weekend I took my mom to a boutique to get her properly fitted for a bra and then we walked around the city, ending at my favorite pub, The Old Nick, and having two drinks more than we really should have. When we got home I made breaded fish fingers (with flax and whole wheat bread crumbs! Yum!) and listened to music. I really love bonding with her.

On the whole run, this week wasn't too bad. I've still been feeling this kind of underlying dread towards things (the part of the brain that likes saying I'm a fat, unattractive and untalented hack with no initiative), but I've been trying to keep positive best I can. And...I think it may be working. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307836#Comment_307836 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307836#Comment_307836 Mon, 29 Aug 2011 15:50:28 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307850#Comment_307850 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307850#Comment_307850 Mon, 29 Aug 2011 17:26:15 -0700 Soviet Rocket No. 9
I'm currently the only human in the house, as my mom is moving to Tallahassee, and every one went up, and left me as family dog keeper. Wasn't bad, except for the mysterious smell of shit in the morning before work, and the extra surprise when I got home. I locked all the doors, and left them in the one area of complete tile, to make sure the next clean up wasn't a bitch and to say,"Look, if I can't trust you alone, then this is how it's going to be."

I'm hoping to use an online dating service, I just signed up for to meet someone. To be honest, anyone but my usual friends (not disrespecting, just tired of familiarity right now) is sure to be welcome.

Hey flecky, you feeling better? ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307917#Comment_307917 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307917#Comment_307917 Tue, 30 Aug 2011 12:51:56 -0700 government spy OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307919#Comment_307919 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307919#Comment_307919 Tue, 30 Aug 2011 13:00:35 -0700 Alan Tyson OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307961#Comment_307961 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307961#Comment_307961 Tue, 30 Aug 2011 22:02:15 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307965#Comment_307965 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=307965#Comment_307965 Tue, 30 Aug 2011 22:32:11 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308018#Comment_308018 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308018#Comment_308018 Wed, 31 Aug 2011 11:40:14 -0700 government spy
No A/C in the prison due to City of Houston water line issues. It's fucking miserasble.

But then one thing made me laugh, as I could just barely hear it over the normal din that is the housing unit.

"LOUIE LOUIE LOUIE LOU-EEE!" being sung by some random inmate to the tune of the theme song to, you guessed it, Louie. One of those random moments you can't help but stop and recognize. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308028#Comment_308028 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308028#Comment_308028 Wed, 31 Aug 2011 13:06:44 -0700 Argos
edited to add: Goddam I am seriously peeved about this. We only just got the very outline of the man built but I almost want to buy new material and start over because technically he made it, not me. He cut the pieces of wood and screwed them together. I'm gonna end up being the only one at my event who can't say they made anything because some guy totally took over my art project and wouldn't listen to what I was saying about how I wanted to make it. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308033#Comment_308033 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308033#Comment_308033 Wed, 31 Aug 2011 13:43:52 -0700 flecky
I've had one heedfuck of a day...must take stock and have a roll up.. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308133#Comment_308133 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308133#Comment_308133 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 13:02:13 -0700 Osmosis OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308149#Comment_308149 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308149#Comment_308149 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 21:03:33 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308157#Comment_308157 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308157#Comment_308157 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 22:46:57 -0700 kahavi
This week saw the end of my summer contract and me busting my left foot. So while I am on vacation now, I'm also hopping around on crutches. Thankfully the weather is horrid, so I'm happy to stay inside and read books. (Love books.)

Right now, my life is okay. I'm happy with it. This is a rare treat, and I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest... by reading books. Books are awesome. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308159#Comment_308159 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308159#Comment_308159 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 23:02:36 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308160#Comment_308160 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308160#Comment_308160 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 23:05:16 -0700 flecky OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308161#Comment_308161 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308161#Comment_308161 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 23:17:01 -0700 kahavi OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308165#Comment_308165 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308165#Comment_308165 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 00:26:57 -0700 JP Carpenter
I had to take care of the kids last night - she had gone into hospital for a blood test and collapsed when she got out of the car and been admitted. She had the girls with her, and I had to come back from work to pick them up, which is two and a half hours away. I realised, as I was driving them home, that in nearly nine years of being a parent, I'd never looked after any of them for a night on my own. Pretty much because my partner's such a control freak, and we'd often had her mother around to help out, but that was a pretty stark flash of knowledge.

It's also my birthday today, but I think that's on hold for a while. I'll have a second one, like the queen, when things are more normal. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308182#Comment_308182 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308182#Comment_308182 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 08:50:41 -0700 glukkake And then the woman who was supposed to move into a new place with me at the last minute ditched me. It was to help her other friend, so I understand that she had to make a tough decision of who to leave holding the bag. But still. Fuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkk. This screws up my time table for moving out, might require me to blow more money on sublets and I might even have to end up moving into a tiny room instead of having the lease on a place that could be my next home for years. If I could figure out how to make a few hundred dollars more per month I could consider a 1 bedroom for myself, but I don't know where I could find that at this point.

Grr. Argh. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308191#Comment_308191 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308191#Comment_308191 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 10:49:36 -0700 Fauxhammer OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308195#Comment_308195 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308195#Comment_308195 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 11:13:59 -0700 oldhat
This week I've been determining some dieting rules to myself to keep in check. NO, it is not okay to respond to stress by eating crap food. NO, it is not okay to respond to eating crap food by not eating at all the next day. Argh. Simple rules, but considering that on average for this summer I've eaten about a meal a day, if that, it's stuff I'm gonna slam in to my head more. It's only been this summer, though.

Other than that, this week has been eh. Looking forward to getting some relaxing in at the cottage for the long weekend. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308196#Comment_308196 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308196#Comment_308196 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 11:29:57 -0700 allana
Right now I'm arguing with my landlord. I was trying to be polite and make it seem like I was just advising him of his (limited) rights, but in truth he seems to have some powerful misconceptions about the things he can demand from his tenants. How do I tell him as kindly as I can that I am definitely not going to be following most of the stuff he wrote into the lease? (Rhetorical question. I got this one.)

Still unemployed. Still not stressing about it, though I probably should be. I'm more concerned with finding ways to spend my time that aren't prohibitively expensive. The beach might be the best option at this point. Last night an impromptu meet for drinks was vastly improved with a found twenty dollar bill and a warning from a cop. That was funny. I guess there's not much to report. I'm gonna go saw some stuff now. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308198#Comment_308198 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308198#Comment_308198 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 11:39:36 -0700 oldhat
And yeah, I liked these when it was just over the weekend. I think it got extended because Si's off with his wife. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308212#Comment_308212 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308212#Comment_308212 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 13:22:21 -0700 flecky
This detox from most foul Methadone is horrible..me no lie . I am totally chemically fucked. Went to a N.A meeting this morning and broke down like the deranged head fuck ripe sick piece of meat with a brain that i am. "My name is flecky and i used to be in The AUTHORITY!"..."Hi flecky!!". "Yeah, I've spent all night in the bleed..The multiverse is folding in on itself! Me and Apollo had a bit of a falling out last night because I spilt a cup of coffee on the old duvet..etc'

I'VE not met any fellow fucktard addict in N.A who is into comics! For some weird reason out of the 40 or 50 i've asked 2 have said "I've read some Frank Miller.." and thats it! I feel like saying in the next meeting i go to that Warren Ellis is my loving God and The Freakangels are my higher power just to confuse the shit out of them!! He He..addicts..you got to love 'em or else you will kill 'em!


London today was all awash with the madness of humanity.This city is so fucked..or is it just me? I can't help it..I walk around like Spider on a bad day!


OK,time to eat some scram..

MEAT!!! ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308218#Comment_308218 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308218#Comment_308218 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 13:59:02 -0700 razrangel
This week utterly fell apart on me - and I do mean week. Since last Friday shit hasn't been going right and I haven't been up to fighting back or establishing any lines whatsoever. I've been a mess. It's been shocking and bewildering but now it's starting to tip into irritating. Stuff not under my control went wrong though little was completely disastrous, if still challenging. The truck broke down and my mom had to pay for the repairs (not as bad as it could have been but it added a few hundred dollars to what I already owe her); my oldest brother had to move back into the house which was on its way but went from happening over this coming weekend to first thing Monday morning. OB is...a difficult person to live with...or otherwise have in one's life. Monday night, right away, we had to deal with a lot of what makes it difficult. Suffice to say he needs regular medication so that he is only "difficult" and not "frightening."

Stuff that was under my control - discipline, focus, work - barely got done. Time has gotten utterly wasted on pointless shit, games and for-fun reading, and somehow I just couldn't tear away from it. I'd sit there thinking I should stop watching old SNL videos on Hulu - they're not going anywhere - and get some work done and ...I'd just keep watching them. Just call my motivation "Godot," I spent all week sitting around waiting for it to show up. It screwed me for class as I didn't get homework done and I wasn't prepared for a pop quiz. I've been running late to the few things I've had to get to this week... This is ass. It was hard to get motivation going when I had to invent my life on a daily basis but now I thought I should at least be able to put some attention to my work, now that I know where I'm going.

I wonder how normal people do, people driven, motivated, ambitious and eager. I know what I want but it's such a passive thing. I still have to pull my drive together every single day. Going from lounging to kicking ass and taking names takes effort, but it's not so much if kicking ass is the default. Or even just moving. Getting shit done. Most people seem to just do it without having to talk themselves into it on a regular basis. The energy it takes to overcome inertia is huge. it's exhausting. But inertia seems to be my default; if I don't get at least a little every once in a while the stress completely does me in. God, I don't know.

i have a lot to do. Shit I've put off, stuff people need my help with, projects I swore I'd get done, my whole damn life that's just waiting for me to live. all the regular things that would be done if I made them routine are laying around my world, looking at me and shrugging. The room is a mess, I haven't exercised in a week and I've reacquainted myself with the hateful feeling of eating fast food when I'm not craving but kind of stuck because I don't have an option for eating anything else. Ages-old body anxieties are resurfacing and blending with everything else to weigh me down. God, I feel so gross. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308233#Comment_308233 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308233#Comment_308233 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 17:33:13 -0700 allana OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308239#Comment_308239 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308239#Comment_308239 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 20:23:10 -0700 flecky

Maybe a seperate thread thing going 24/7 would be nice..so people who need to express,share etc. could vent etc.I would most definitely use it as this is the only site i feel (sometimes) at home in.


Detox update. Patient flecky managed to get a few hours sleep.They was filled to the vat of sick with usual twisted dreams yet fairly inokuos.The ultra sex bomb imaginary nurse has just delivered his meds and he will orally ingest the wee pills when finished tap,tap a taping this mind durge in.

Tis 4.25 a.m in Shepherds Bush London and all is unwell... ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308321#Comment_308321 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308321#Comment_308321 Sat, 03 Sep 2011 22:06:39 -0700 allana
I just went from relaxed-evening-alone to emotional-wreck: my landlord is now threatening me and alluding to some weird harassment-worthy activities on his part. I'm genuinely creeped out and I'm not sure I want to stay in my own apartment alone. I'm still within my rights, and now I have grounds to take legal action against him with this latest email. So that's cool. Except for the whole freaking-out thing.

A few weeks ago I had a nice new friendship turn sour real quick: I asked a guy I had just met to slow it down a little (and alluded to the fact that I wasn't interested in him romantically) and then went a few days without contacting him. He wrote to me, and it was weird. He seemed to be responding to something I hadn't written. Lo and behold, he had actually written a fake response, posing as me, clarifying my earlier email, softening the blow, and putting a bunch of words in my mouth. And then responded to it. As though it were real. And sent them both to me. Like that was okay. I'm still incensed by it: it was basically intellectual rape, as far as I'm concerned. But the dude was generally just a friendly (and nervous) and intelligent guy. My new rhetorical question is, why are the freaks coming out of the fucking woodwork at me? It's just the heat, right? I haven't actually begun to attract the crazies? It's not a good omen for my reunion with this city. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308324#Comment_308324 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308324#Comment_308324 Sat, 03 Sep 2011 23:15:21 -0700 Fishelle I think I preferred open mics when they were only open for a limited time. It helps you condense the events in your life, rather than spewing out play-by-plays.

I agree. It kind of made the whole thread matter more, only having it every once in a while.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit down at the moment. I've started school with an artist's block, and it's not been good. I really hate the piece I'm working on for my printmaking class right now. I feel utterly useless, because I can't even manage to do the one thing that I'm supposed to be good at. I really want to make art about so many things. I need to make art about so much that I've been feeling, but I'm having a harder time than I ever have before translating feelings into images.

It's been so easy in the past. A phrase or something will just keep replaying in my head, and I find a way to say it better in a two dimensional space. (At least, that's how I've gotten ideas more recently, when not given an assignment with a theme.) It's a way of thinking that often leads to text being included in my work, but I'm more than okay with that. The phases "I miss you" and "What do you want more than anything in the whole world?" were easy successes for me. I've got similar things running through my mind, but I just can't get them past the point of thinking I need to make art about them. "I want to know what to expect," has been written in my sketchbook in like 10 different places now. And none of those pages have any related images. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Did my creativity break after a summer without proper use? I feel broken.

That's another thing. I really just want to know what to expect. I'm in a new place, and I don't know how anything works. Transferring has been difficult, as I started right off with a new teacher in his advanced print class, with a room full of people who already know each other and each other's work. I want to know how long it will be before I don't feel completely out of place. More than that, I want to know if this boy that I love so much is going to come back just long enough to say goodbye again like he's planning right now, if I should even bother putting in the effort. I can't ask him to put off his art school plans for me. I wouldn't expect him to ask me to stop my plans for school. But really, if I felt like the only option for us to be together was for me to quit school and not get a BFA, I might actually do it. Maybe I'll feel different in a year when I actually see him and we aren't communicating just through letters anymore. But right now I'm willing to do so much, and it sucks that that one person I'd do anything for isn't ever going to be willing to make any of the same sort of sacrifice. I also wish I knew what to expect money-wise. I want to know if I'm going to be able to find a job. And if not, how am I going to pay the bills? I get annoyed with my parents for not giving me money for what I need to survive, but that's not really the problem. If they made it clear that they couldn't, now or ever, fine. I could live with that. But when I say I'm struggling, they say I should be asking them for help. And when I do go to them, they say they can't help me. It's this endless cycle of frustration.

I feel useless. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308360#Comment_308360 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308360#Comment_308360 Sun, 04 Sep 2011 10:59:58 -0700 trini_naenae
A lot of it has to do with a lack of response. I post stuff online but other than a few "likes" on tumblr, there isn't much direction/reaction given. Though to be fair, I don't comment on other people's stuff all that much either. And unlike Fresno when I had friends who were artists and took art classes and could get responses from them, I really don't have anyone to show my stuff to (besides my mom and my boss, who acts like am mom), and well, I just don't care anymore. That could be my meds talking. The thing is, you do care. Remember that. And while you are in a new place, you're taking classes, and you're bound to start going in the right direction.

I know all too much about moving to new places, and while it's rough and confusing at first, it almost always gets better. You'll become a different person, and grow from it. Don't be afraid to ask for encouragement/help/advice from your sister. Maybe you just need to stop thinking about what to expect. It is a bit unknowable, isn't it? Instead of trying to figure out what to except, why not just slow down and observe what is going on? It will get better, and maybe even clearer, but it takes time. And I don't know about anyone else here, but I've long stopped trying to figure out what to expect from my life. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308370#Comment_308370 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308370#Comment_308370 Sun, 04 Sep 2011 15:14:56 -0700 VertigoJones OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308389#Comment_308389 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308389#Comment_308389 Sun, 04 Sep 2011 18:49:23 -0700 Alan Tyson this close to opening her veins with a razor. She hangs up in the middle of me trying to talk her out of it, and won't pick up again. I go to work for six hours, very certain in that twisty corner of my stomach that she's dead.

And all I can even come close to conjuring, as far as emotions go, is... relief. Calm, stupid, cool-forehead relief.

She's not dead. Before I had to go to work, I managed to grab the number of the police for the city she lives in, and they managed to track her down before things got too bad. But they're still pretty bad. Turns out her reasoning for wanting to do this was she found out some pretty wretched things about the fellow she's shacking up with. I'm talking some very bad things. She needs to get out of there. But she very simply won't. In a very real way, if she'd died this morning, he'd be the one that killed her. One day, he probably will.

And here I am, four time zones and 2,500 miles away, with no money for gas or a plane ticket, armed with only a cold certainty that even if I could convince her to leave, he wouldn't let her, and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. He's big, you see, and old, and smart.

This sucks.

Thanks for listening, Whitechapel. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308391#Comment_308391 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308391#Comment_308391 Sun, 04 Sep 2011 18:55:59 -0700 256
What I have ended up writing: My ideal theory for this thread was that The ?????? Open Mic should run from 6pm Friday to 6am Monday. And that, if possible, it would consist of live reports of people's on-the-ground experiences at that time. (Of course, considering time zones, that 6+24+24+6=60 hours isn't the same time everywhere). Something to think about.

I say this at 2:50am Monday 5th September BST. It has just begun to rain. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308392#Comment_308392 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308392#Comment_308392 Sun, 04 Sep 2011 18:59:55 -0700 Fishelle But really, I still appreciate that an awful lot. The fact that you listened and took the time to answer, and everything you said were all pretty wonderful things. So thanks. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308596#Comment_308596 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308596#Comment_308596 Tue, 06 Sep 2011 13:38:45 -0700 sellmeyoursoul
Trini - Creating in a vacuum is frustrating. I wish I had an answer for that. I just keep doing and believe that some day I'll crack the code and have a whole body of work at hand for whomever it is that wants to pay me.

Alan - That's some scary stuff.

I spent the weekend writing and faced the sort of frustration I talked about to Fishelle. Even so, I managed to get about 16 pages into a comic script only to discover that my outline leaves me several pages short. Now I need to figure out how to insert stuff without it feeling like filler or screwing up the page transitions that I've already crafted. On the upside, I have no one to draw the comic, so it's not like there's any sort of deadline. One of the cute bartenders where I write asked me about what I was working on and was genuinely concerned when I explained the premise that I might be killing the main character. She felt strongly I shouldn't. It was real cool to see that kind of a response. ]]> OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308619#Comment_308619 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308619#Comment_308619 Tue, 06 Sep 2011 18:16:39 -0700 Ampersand OPEN MIC -- the spleen venting thread (19th-25th Aug) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308683#Comment_308683 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10163&Focus=308683#Comment_308683 Wed, 07 Sep 2011 07:00:32 -0700 government spy
The snitch told me he was an engineer in the free world, and that inmate who requested the explosives really knew what he was talking about. I sent him to speak with the Lieutenant, and maybe 20 minutes later he came back on my unit, I wasn't told anything else.

Later, while taking my lunch break, I happened to see the same Lt. I asked him what the situation was. He told me that the snitch had identified the other inmate as a middle-eastern Muslim, and that the FBI was now involved and was investigating the situation.

I only work on that unit once a week, so today I return and neither inmate is to be found. The Muslim inmate, I'm told, was locked up in solitary yesterday, pending an investigation. The snitch, I assume was locked up as a witness for his own protection.

Either way, I just have a funny feeling about the whole situation. Perhaps, I was involved in catching a potential terrorist before he had a chance to do anything (while in prison). Perhaps I just helped perpetuate a stereotype, and just added to the level of fear when working with middle-eastern Muslim inmates. Either way, it's out of my hands for now. ]]>