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      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeAug 24th 2011
    @Kahavi: CONGRATULATIONS! May your rockin' never cease!

    @Tedcroland: From what I can see of things, you did everything right - at that goes a long way toward you eventually being alright, down the road.
    • CommentTimeAug 24th 2011
    Thanks fellas. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep that up or truncate it to [Whining] or something else, but responses are cool and you guys are cool and I genuinely appreciate the thought and time. Godspeed with your own business, and all that.

    @gov spy: Yeah man, it's a tough thing to talk about. I'm right there with you: after the breakup, I was trying to distance myself without directly telling my friends what to do, and I came to a point with a couple of my closest friends where the only thing I could really say was "If I told you you would probably hate her." They pretty much ignored it.

    I want to clarify a few things about that post: I was very sleepy when I wrote that, so there is some idiosyncratic syntax that makes me look like a total asshole. I hope it is clear that I meant "Even if she DID deserve it," and not that women deserve to be hit, in the disclaimer-y part. Also, I hope all the ladies here understand what I was getting at with that in the first place. One of the great things about this place is how friendly it is for both men and women, and I would hate to be one of the people that harmed that dynamic, even in a small way like that.

    Anything else that seems weird or confusing should probably just be ignored.
  1.  (10163.63)
    @Everyone. Thank you. @oldhat, I know exactly how you feel. I beat myself sometimes (mentally), thinking about my friends who have gotten married or moved out or otherwise, and think that I must have messed my life up somewhere to deserve my present situation. And then I think about some of the cool things I've discovered (ninety percent being Whitechapel or Ellis related) and think that I could have been a different person, since all of that has now shaped me as a person. It comforts and inspires me, that fellow Whitechaplers are willing to help others in times of need.

    Other than that, the college bookstore I'm working at is in its busiest time (fall classes just started, kids fresh from high school without their parents), and all I want to do strangle the next person who asks me a question about when their book is coming in.
    • CommentAuthor256
    • CommentTimeAug 24th 2011
    @ted - Can't offer much that hasn't been said already, other than to say: Don't ever forget to congratulate yourself for getting through a very difficult situation. That is a real achievement.

    I hope you don't delete/edit your previous post. I think it has value to the community - if nothing else, there may be someone reading it and realising that there's someone else who is in the same situation as them.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 24th 2011
    Hello all. As crap just need to be a pain and jump in just to see if the entity in my laptop is going to mug me yet again..its awful when i tap in stuff and it just ends up embedded in my skull.

    The woman who used to help me with all this tech stuff no longer wants to hang with me as i am a uncool cripple since my legs decided to stop working due to secondary drug damage.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 24th 2011
    I have had a mixed sort of day..I managed to get a few hours sleep last night.unfortunately for me this was due to meds..Im coming off methadone..state sponsored evil nazi foul crap. My clinic is even wanting me to keep consuming said crap as it makes their job easier. I am trying to be an adult around it but feel...and know...they have judged me for thinking out the box.I refuse to throw the towel in!
    i have an enlarged ventricle going to my lungs which is threatening to strangle my heart at any time.Thank you crack!! Look,no one held a gun to my head and said take drugs..I accept it was my choice..Yet still feel like nuking London from orbit for being labelled!!Im all alone in this but do not give a fuck..I dont know if i should be dumping this on you guys. To be honest i fear im gonna be shot down and put on time out because i have little self worth..All i want to do is connect with people who love Warren Ellis fiction as much as me! Im going to be crying through the night anyway..fucking lonely..please give me a break.RESPECT to you all!
  2.  (10163.67)
    Stay strong, flecky. This is the place for you.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 24th 2011
    @SovietRocket No.9 Thanks mate! Any support is really helpful at moment..Im not just saying this to get off on sound of own voice..its not all negative.I finish a small classroom setting course tomorrow and will get a recognised cert and start voluntary work training on friday.Im doing this off my own back and am drawing strength from it. I want to help young people not have to hit my age before getting shit together. know I will be good at it as i worked in the field years back.
    Im looking forward..not back!
  3.  (10163.69)
    Good news for our family, (and me since i was helping out monitarily), my sister, who is a teenage mother of two kids, with no husband, and only a high school diploma finally found a job at Costco, which is hard to get in our area. It's currenctly part time, since she is still going to school(thank god)
    but i found myself disturbed by the fact that she is now making the same hourly pay rate that I, A college graduate and now 10 years as a warranty administrator makes.
    I'm happy for her, but I'm feeling very disappointed in myself right now. It's time for a change. Processing....
    • CommentTimeAug 29th 2011 edited
    Well, Fan Expo is done and thankfully, so is this weekend. A few things I discovered about myself in that time...

    The first was when I went to Nerd Speed Dating at Fan Expo. Now, just to be clear, I did this for a laugh and went in with ZERO expectations on finding anybody. So with that said, I think the most I took away from that experience is that I've learned a little more about what I DON'T want in a partner. Don't get me wrong, they seemed like nice guys, but...well, I like varied interests that spread across many different subjects whereas these seemed very clear that their particular geek interest was THEIR LIFE. Also some of the guys looked like they expected to be in a dominant role in any possible relationship Other than that, wow. That was...definitely an extremely geeky crowd haha.

    I ran in to an old mutual friend of The Shitbag Ex on Saturday. First time seeing him in over two years. He didn't really know what happened and was a bit surprised when I cut him off from telling me what that ex was up to and was REALLY surprised when I referred to the ex as "That asshole who I don't deal with anymore". And to be honest, I'm happy with my reaction. A year or so ago I would have jumped at the chance to hear some news about him and would have practically gone in to a bad-memory-induced seizure upon hearing his name. Now I...just don't give a shit anymore. And that's really comforting considering that this was such a heart-shattering break up for me.

    What else? Well, over the weekend I took my mom to a boutique to get her properly fitted for a bra and then we walked around the city, ending at my favorite pub, The Old Nick, and having two drinks more than we really should have. When we got home I made breaded fish fingers (with flax and whole wheat bread crumbs! Yum!) and listened to music. I really love bonding with her.

    On the whole run, this week wasn't too bad. I've still been feeling this kind of underlying dread towards things (the part of the brain that likes saying I'm a fat, unattractive and untalented hack with no initiative), but I've been trying to keep positive best I can. And...I think it may be working.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 29th 2011
    Hello you bastads.What a hell of a day..the west sector of London reeks of the foul indulgenze of sickly sweet alcohol mental fucknuts staring at each other with sad slut mongoloid finger fucking intent.O how the flecky cowered ,like ,from the dreadzone that is Notting Hill Karnevil!! Is shitEfuk,yes? As he taps this in some wanker is probably so pissed on shite booze and that he feels he/her/it has the right to pull out a blade and draw blood...Satan..he can hear the hear the cunts already hungover tomorrow at their workstations giving it"carnival was blinding this year man". pricks! The flecky could show them how to party hard style with the class a drug shite..but his body is a ravaged mess of puss. He will get his revenge in the next life as a pissed off hornet...fuking A!!
  4.  (10163.72)
    I feel better after my orientation at (Secret Government Thing), and I feel I could actually like the people there. Hopefully, the people there like me enough to get me an actual job, instead of making chump change an hour.

    I'm currently the only human in the house, as my mom is moving to Tallahassee, and every one went up, and left me as family dog keeper. Wasn't bad, except for the mysterious smell of shit in the morning before work, and the extra surprise when I got home. I locked all the doors, and left them in the one area of complete tile, to make sure the next clean up wasn't a bitch and to say,"Look, if I can't trust you alone, then this is how it's going to be."

    I'm hoping to use an online dating service, I just signed up for to meet someone. To be honest, anyone but my usual friends (not disrespecting, just tired of familiarity right now) is sure to be welcome.

    Hey flecky, you feeling better?
  5.  (10163.73)
    Ooh ooh Secret Government Thing? I must know more!
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2011
    My car (the one with the rattles that I mentioned in Ask Whitechapel) is in the shop. Took her in at the arse-crack of dawn, and I still haven't even gotten a call back yet as far as estimated time it'll take. More worried than I probably ought to be, but aside from purely practical issues (I need some way to get to and from work) I'm extremely sentimental about my car. I hope she's okay.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2011
    O my sisters and brothers i hold information in my fooked heed that could possibly possibly cause a scandel in the press...laptop fucking with me so this is only a no take the piss..i am shite with tech ...
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2011
    I have secret info about ultimate key figures of parliament...not them in person but those of a family kind..Being the hardcore addict in recovery lets say i have been privy to many a sick act...fook, i throb wanting to share said secrets..yet im not a cunt and do not want to destroy a certain individuals life! Let i say it involves the old blow job for the crack routine...maybe im making a dung heap out of a cist...I really dont know!!! Its dawn in Shepherds Bush...yesterday was the last day i will EVER give myself over to evil state sponsored methadone is a programme so sick it eats at the very core of a persons life. Ive been using for a very,very,very long time! My corpse slimes the streets as i travel from one N.A meet to the next..the bastard in me snarls at every twat that gets in my stride. Its fun! You should try it..NEVER!!! Wish I had a ho to amuse myself with even though my stump aint with it...die, London , fooking die you sad old bitch! Time for yet more coffee and a fag...luv ya!
  6.  (10163.77)
    It's hot.

    No A/C in the prison due to City of Houston water line issues. It's fucking miserasble.

    But then one thing made me laugh, as I could just barely hear it over the normal din that is the housing unit.

    "LOUIE LOUIE LOUIE LOU-EEE!" being sung by some random inmate to the tune of the theme song to, you guessed it, Louie. One of those random moments you can't help but stop and recognize.
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2011 edited
    So I'm making a miniature (about 2.5 foot tall) Burning Man since I couldn't go this year, and my mom hooked me up with one of her crafty tenants to help me make him. Only problem is that dude keeps wanting to make it his way, changing all my plans and what not, despite the fact that I keep telling him I want an exact replica, only little. On top of that, once he finally gets the deal of what my plans are for my burning man, he keeps actually building him. I was all excited to have finally had an art project to work on this summer and and then here I am just standing there and watching this dude make my project instead of getting the satisfaction of having made it with my own two hands. Anyway, once my lunch break is done here I'm gonna go ahead and tell him that I'll just take it from here, I'm just really bad at telling people I don't want their help anymore after I've already accepted it :/ This whole situation is extremely stressful and frustrating. I wanted to build a wooden effigy, not watch someone build it for me.

    edited to add: Goddam I am seriously peeved about this. We only just got the very outline of the man built but I almost want to buy new material and start over because technically he made it, not me. He cut the pieces of wood and screwed them together. I'm gonna end up being the only one at my event who can't say they made anything because some guy totally took over my art project and wouldn't listen to what I was saying about how I wanted to make it.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2011
    @ government spy. fook, just read your stuff...Naive question time if i may . Do you work in the prison, are you an inmate, is your home within earshot or are you just a nutter! I did time at the age of 19 in a fookin awful young offenders institute in the north of England. I had a truely horrible experience as i was heroin sick and they didn't medicate people in those days...1983! I didn't know "the rules" and ended up having stupid fights with the idiot twat i was banged up with. And the cunts in the cell next to me thought it was fun to bully me cos i'm a tall git. Wankers!! I hope they are most dead now!! Anyhoo...Louie LOAY O Baby.. what a cool sea shanty it is.I'm partial to the version by Motorhead...

    I've had one heedfuck of a day...must take stock and have a roll up..
    • CommentTimeSep 1st 2011
    @kahavi: You rock. That is all.