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: OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 2nd - 9th)
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Horrible Warning Si
Sep 5th 2011
You know how this goes by now, right?
Open Mic is a tradition founded by Spacedaddy Warren. I'm experimenting with launching it on Fridays rather than Sundays, on the grounds that most of us have accumulated a working-week's-worth of toxicity and hatred, and the sooner we can trepan our collective psyches the better.
To paraphrase herr Ellis:
This is your judgement-free space to vent, get stuff out of your head and otherwise experience special Internet Catharsis. Screaming into a well, 21C-style.
Instructions: Tell us about your week. Tell us what you hate, what you love, what's pissing you off. Tell us what's broken about the world, tell us what you want. Tell us how you plan to change everything, tell us what you're building in your basement, or, hell, just dance or play a tune.
I, we, and all of us are here for you. Smash your wordvenom against us.
Sep 5th 2011
Well, my unemployment would seem to be over! I got a job offer from a nice company that's only ten minutes away from where I live! I start tomorrow, and assuming this goes through smoothly, this will be a HUGE weight lifted off of my head.
Sep 5th 2011
It's the busiest week of the year at my work and I have a filthy cold. I can't take a day off for it, I just have to keep going and hoping that my snot-addled brain doesn't totally give up on me and make some massive mistakes that I'll pay for for the next few weeks. Am feeling very sorry for myself. I feel like I am all temperatures at the same time and they all make me sweat. My nose has turned into a leaky tap. My teeth hurt. When I sleep my dreams are strange and sinister.
Also, people that move to other countries are just selfish. My sister moved to New Zealand a couple of years ago and now constantly guilt trips me about not going to see her - it was her bloody choice to go to the other side of the world and the most expensive place to get to ever. Now my brother in law and his family are moving to Florida which means we'll get the same treatment from them and if I go and see them my sister will be deeply aggrieved and if we go and see my sister we won't afford to see my in-laws for a few years and really what I want to be doing is saving for the vague eventual possibility of house buying and domesticity. I don't even WANT to go to either of those places anyway.
And now I'm starting to sound more and more like a petulant child.
Congrats on your recent nuptials. Married life is tops.
Sep 5th 2011
Sullen brat alert! has been going off in my brain for the last several hours. I'm moving, see, to St. Louis. I'm jazzed about this and feel like it is good thing. However, I also have been living with my parents for the last year and am with them in their two bedroom apartment (sleeping on a cot) with my cats and a stagnating savings account of money that is intended to get me an apartment and let me eat for a few weeks while I get work. I'm perfectly content to at least apply for unemployment while I'm applying for work, but that isn't the point.
The point is that my father is making this so fucking complicated that I just want to borrow one of their cars (because, of course, I am carless), grab as much of my stuff as will fit in it with me and the cats and the stuff I have with me and hang out on an air mattress for 6 weeks until I have the 500 dollars it will take to get back to where the storage unit is, rent a U-Haul and move the rest of my stuff myself. This is not an intelligent decision, and I am so aware of that, and I would like to not make that decision, because it's entirely petulant and reactionary and foot-stompy and I am not a child.
Also, my sister has learned that she has lesions on her brain and may very well have Multiple Sclerosis as does our mother and that just sucks. Her diagnosis is expected next week, and may be something else long-term and unpleasant, so that's been occupying a lot of energy here. She's looking forward to a diagnosis because then she can start learning and doing and being proactive, the waiting and not knowing is really hard on her, as was the spinal tap she had last week.
Life in limbo is the standard state of things, and I'm getting cranky because I don't have a job yet (altho I've begun to apply - yay for cover letter writing) and I don't have an apartment yet (yay for parents willing to be co-signers) and my sis doesn't have a diagnosis yet and my folks can't actually get on with things here because they have an adult child camping out in the office, and it feels like the more days that pass, the less easy it is to stay focused and active and goal-oriented - I should say rather, that it's taking a lot more energy than it was before.
There. Thanks. Gonna go read and write and behave like I have a future to live in. *waves*
Sep 5th 2011
My disgust level with my work has crested again. You don't need to be subjected to the rant, it's the kind of business stupidity that cycles through again and again when people who don't understand the task are put in charge of changing things. I'd hoped to retire from this position; at the moment it's more likely I'll tell someone in authority what I really think and be made redundant. At this point I'm only trying to hold on for another 3 years until I vest in the retirement medical benefits. This of course assumes there will be any when I retire.
Sep 5th 2011
Well, for one thing, I have a cold, which sucks. I've also been doing some digging, and it looks like the college I was applying for might not be accredited in the field I want to work in. All that, plus not a single job offer to be found, is kinda making this a downer of a week so far.
Sep 5th 2011
So I've more or less decided to follow in my brother's footsteps and basically disown my mother. She pretty much invited herself out to visit me this weekend with the expectation that she would be allowed to stay in my apartment (which is large for one person, and of acceptable size for an intimate couple, but absolutely not okay for visiting family), ignoring that I had e-mailed her telling her that I was working this weekend (an e-mail sent to
of her e-mail addresses, so 'I didn't get your e-mail' is not a valid fucking excuse. And even if I'd called her she still would have come out because she came out with her friend who was visiting her sister out here).
When I told her no, she is not going to be staying in my apartment, and no, I am not okay with her just hanging out in my apartment while I sleep off my hangover from Friday, she of course became upset and attempted to lay the same bullshit guilt trip on me that she's been doing for the past 15 odd years, and frankly I'm just fucking sick of it. I fully expect that tomorrow I'm going to get a call from my sister yelling at me for being so mean to our poor mother, who only wanted to come out and see me, and drove all the way from California and blah de fucking blah. She's been a poisonous human being ever since divorcing my father, and it took me far too long to get out from under her thumb, and if it takes her driving across the desert at four in the morning to be told to her face that she is not allowed to just come out here without an explicit invitation then so be it.
I fully expect that she won't actually have figured this out, though, and I'm going to get a call in mid-December asking me what my Christmas plans are.
Sep 5th 2011
No drama this week. It's actually kind of boring.
My weeks basically are my boss being much too busy because she is helping run the family business, interim Pastoring for 2 very small churches, and to top it off, her husband (a real sweetheart) is having the beginnings of Alzheimer's and it's starting to show. It's not too bad during the days, as her father (the person who started the business) is there, but in the evenings/my shift, well... luckily I've been there two years and know how to do just about everything that needs to be done. Which is fine, but a little tiring sometimes, since one of the workers can occasionally be a bit difficult. Because they can't afford to pay me more, I get a free pizza every week. I'm going to see if I can barter those with one of the other workers who is a masseuse. Fridays I usually sleep a lot and hopefully get around to doing some errands I need to get done.
This weekend, I actually did stuff. Amazing. Friday & Saturday my parents and I had a yard sale on a field by the highway, and I was attempting to sell as many of my single issue comics as possible. I did manage to sell some stuff, and I'll probably be ordering the trades to replace them soon enough. Even though I didn't sell as much as I would have liked, by the end of the sale I had managed to find all of the comics and get them organized. Next time there's a yard sale, I'll be set. I also got my hair cut, so I will be less overheated at work. Yes! Saturday evening, my second cousin and his wife arrived and camped on our beach for the weekend. It was fun, and I got to do some fun things with them, including going to a local bar with a brewery. Sunday I went with my family to a get together with some people from my mom's side of the family. Amazing deserts, good times, and hiking to a creek. Unfortunately, I wore heels (solid heels on ankle boots), and I went hiking anyway. I paid for it later - I ended up even soaking my calves in hot water because it hurt so much. I have a new appreciation for the stunt women and actresses that are in superhero movies. I'm just saying... motherfucking ouch.
Today was for relaxing, and after waking up around noon to say goodbye to my second cousin and his wife, I went back to bed and was out till 4pm. Did some organizing. Keeping things mellow. Right now Watson is keeping me company.
(Horrid quality, but it's just a quick webcam shot.)
Sep 5th 2011
As I am a total self centered twat i will just jump in,purge myself of shite and get a bit of the legendary serenity i hear about all the fooking time in my death sentence with my own imposed glue like thing i have apparently stuck myself to in the manifest of the Narcotika Aononomisno progamme.
I travel around London lonely as fook going from meeting to meeting shouting,crying,sneering,laughing,singing,pretending i'm The Joker in full on Dark Knight mode judging every single motherfucker who dares have the gall to impede my progress.
I fooking despise technology.I want to skull fook every brain dead cunt with white headphones on staring at the ground via their IPhone 9999.What mindless music must they be listening to o my sisters and brothers? I'm a old twisted bastard (47) and have a stump thing twixt legs and pubes growing on my ravaged false teeth viking/Irish mug so i must be a bloke..yet inside i am aged 13 and get excited if I see a fit bird without a hat on!
DETOX UPDATE: I'm doing so well it is sickening. It's been a good few weeks since I kicked foul most evil Nazi experiment methadone.The withdrawals are worse than a 3 day heroin cold turkey...they go on for months and months and months etc. Still having to finish ULTIMATE getting clean thing by taking a lesser evil opiate called suboxone. I'm setting a date to hit ground zero for the fabled "clean time" at the beginning of november..and then i will dance on the edge of a razor blade doing art therapy and finally edit all of the crazy shit i've scribbled on paper over the past few years when i had the crazy notion to suddenly decide i am a writer.
Ah, the grey murk of dawn has arrived to the overpopulated drug infested streets of Shepherds Bush.I tell you if it wasn't for my council flat and support network i would have been sectioned months ago. I would be siiting in pools of my own fluids staring drooling style looking at a tree outside of Arkham via a steel meshed window. Anyhow things could be a lot worse..still don't make it any easier when i wake up teetering(?) on the edge of time howling into the void,though.. Wouldn't have it any other way! I'm listening to Here Come The Warm Jets by the wonderful Brian Eno,got food, plenty of comics and books, a few £ and you lot to stalk so i will smile and shut the fook up. Nice one,Whitechapel!
Sep 5th 2011
Wow,I REALLY feel for you man.Related 110 % to your justified anger.My parents split up when i was 3 and even though me old mom reered me and my sister as good as a single working class mom can she infected me with poisonous resentment about me dad.It reached the point where i was planning to track him down and kill the poor bloke..Family,eh..you can't live with them and you can't whack them because of the law. Hang in there marine.
Sep 6th 2011
So, it turns out that the best contraceptive for my situation and the best antidepressant for my situation cannot be used simultaneously without rendering one or both useless. In the sense that the antidepressant will render the contraceptive useless, and the subsequent terror of incubating a fetus will cause me tor equire a stronger antidepressant.
chemistry and biology i am eyeing up your kneecaps with menace, be warned
Sep 6th 2011
in the US a large majority of kids are going back to school today, which i wasnt aware of until i woke up and saw the news (phoenix schools started about a month ago, so thats all im aware of).
if i didnt know this, why did i have massive anxiety dreams about going back to school last night? all that collective anxiety of schoolkids seemed to have bubbled over into my sleep. fucking bizarre.
Sep 6th 2011
Ah fuck man...I really don't need the shitty way I feel at the moment. It's 2.15 a.m in Shepherds Bush..I woke up about an hour ago shaking and cold as hell.I feel like the withdrawal symptoms from evil shit drugs have come on real early.As i am detoxing myself I have to stick to a strict regime of not taking my meds until 4.30 a.m.I reckon this may be due to the fucking surreal and hyper stressful day i,ve had.
Earlier today I decided to have a day off from attending N.A meetings and having to interact with the mob that rule the streets,shops etc. where i live.I was ok..was sitting on bed after doing some housework and eating a healthy lunch.I decided to do some "step work" on paper which started of fairly sane but soon descended into writing about bug creatures eating away at my brain matter etc.
I then fell into a weird nap and woke up in a state of chemical imbalance. I decided to edit some crazy story i wrote ages ago and finish of one I have been doing recently. Let us just say the subject matter was really sick. When i write I do it on pen and paper as i find it more cathartic than tapping away on this piece of shit.
What i was putting down disturbed me.So i decided to go to a crap £ shop and buy some writing paper,candle,incense etc.I left my council flat with £ on me and my fucking crutch and that was it..no phone,no fags etc..and i stupidly forgot my keys! This may seem like a everyday problem that can happen but because i've spent loads of my life homeless,on the street etc. i panicked and began to freak out. I'm getting a sweat on now thinking about it.My neighbour who is also an addict was not in and she has a tendency to go a.w.o.l with her boyfriend so i could not get the spare key stashed outside our connected back balcony.
I started to cripple the streets panicking about what to do.I am mega reactive at the moment and if someone had crossed me wrong in the pouring rain i would have felt the urge to start a stupid fight. I decided to go to a drug service day programme and turned up crying. Anyway i won't go into details but the won
derful people there helped me out. just as the fire brigade where going to smash my front door in my loopy neighbour turned up and so got spare key and said sorry to the firemen for wasting their time.They where all cool and i got back in.. Hell of a day but I feel a bit better for sharing my shit.Thank you WHITECHAPEL!!
Sep 6th 2011
I lost my job. Because I suck at it. That's ok, that I don't mind, because I was aware of it. Someone with my demeanor and temperament has no business in a customer service capacity. But it paid well, and I tried. For nearly a year, I tried my best, but it wasn't good enough. So today I went in there and took my firing like a big girl and with dignity. Then at 7:30 or so, my roommate gets a call from the company's HR department. She had been listed as my emergency contact. A girl in HR leaves a message on her voicemail saying that I hadn't been into work in a couple days and they were worried about me. Apparently they don't share information there, because I was officially let go earlier that day. Way to rub salt in the wound, fuckers.
I called the girl back and left a message on HER voicemail saying thanks for the concern, but no, I won't be back. Somehow I can see this turning into more of an issue, because that company has issues with keeping policies the same between one side of the building and the other. I'm almost certain I'll get another phone call from them tomorrow, and I will end up saying things I probably shouldn't in anger. Right now I really don't care.
Sep 6th 2011
'@ Dextra...just my opinion..Fuck 'em! I have found people like that enjoy seeing/hearing justified anger because they are sick in the head. Maybe vent your anger into something good for you..or kill them all! But don't get caught.. it may hinder future employment. I hope your finances can carry you over the interim or whatever..
Sep 7th 2011
(posted this in the wrong open mic)
So last week, an inmate informed me that another inmate had asked him to build something with explosives.
The snitch told me he was an engineer in the free world, and that inmate who requested the explosives really knew what he was talking about. I sent him to speak with the Lieutenant, and maybe 20 minutes later he came back on my unit, I wasn't told anything else.
Later, while taking my lunch break, I happened to see the same Lt. I asked him what the situation was. He told me that the snitch had identified the other inmate as a middle-eastern Muslim, and that the FBI was now involved and was investigating the situation.
I only work on that unit once a week, so today I return and neither inmate is to be found. The Muslim inmate, I'm told, was locked up in solitary yesterday, pending an investigation. The snitch, I assume was locked up as a witness for his own protection.
Either way, I just have a funny feeling about the whole situation. Perhaps, I was involved in catching a potential terrorist before he had a chance to do anything (while in prison). Perhaps I just helped perpetuate a stereotype, and just added to the level of fear when working with middle-eastern Muslim inmates. Either way, it's out of my hands for now.
Sep 9th 2011
@government spy- don't laugh ..(well,if you do you do!) but after reading a earlier post of yours I was unsure as to whether you worked in the prison or were an actual inmate!! Let me just say i'm glad your not doing time for getting caught for stealing a tin of beans etc. I once worked for the probation service in the north of fooked England. I was well good at it. I was a sessional supervisor at a day centre where kids had to attend as an alternative to going to the slammer. It was a watered down version of HBO's OZ!! Because i did some time in a shitty young offenders place and have a criminal record they had a bit of respect for me.
Pity I fooked it up because i relapsed on the old heroin. They didn't sack me..far from it! I just felt so guilty and thought it was out of order to be using whilst in a position of trust.Fooks sake..sometimes i can be so noble it's enough to make me run to the vomitarium(?)
DETOX UPDATE: Things seem to be going ok.I have resisted all urges to use ontop of my meds. I hope to be at ground zero in 2 months.I've been sorely tested by my good mate the devil with some awful shit i've had to go through recently.
I was super pissed off last night as an old girlfriend of mine came round to my gaff with her "partner" ( i fookin hate that term!).For some reason she was cowering outside my bedroom as he came into it to give me some nice steaks that had fallen of the back of a wagon. As i went to give her a hug(I hug everyone i like regardless of sex) she stepped a few feet back from me. Basicly the loopy cunt flinched!! I feel for her as she has to start Chemo horror to try and get rid of Hepatitus C soon and is really down etc. but she made me feel like a piece of shit in my own fookin space!!
Anyway i've got to put my jeans on and go to a N.A meeting. Let's just say my shares have a bit of a reputation..whiney fuck addicts! Excuse grammer again..i am el stupido!!
tis 10.05 a.m in West London..all is most definitely unwell and deranged.
Thank you whitechapel.
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