Whitechapel - OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/ Lussumo Vanilla & Feed Publisher OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=308902#Comment_308902 2011-09-09T09:27:19-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Horrible Warning Si http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1223 You know how this goes by now, right? Open Mic is a tradition founded by Spacedaddy Warren. I'm experimenting with launching it on Fridays rather than Sundays, on the grounds that most of us have ...
Open Mic is a tradition founded by Spacedaddy Warren. I'm experimenting with launching it on Fridays rather than Sundays, on the grounds that most of us have accumulated a working-week's-worth of toxicity and hatred, and the sooner we can trepan our collective psyches the better.

To paraphrase herr Ellis:

This is your judgement-free space to vent, get stuff out of your head and otherwise experience special Internet Catharsis. Screaming into a well, 21C-style.

Instructions: Tell us about your week. Tell us what you hate, what you love, what's pissing you off. Tell us what's broken about the world, tell us what you want. Tell us how you plan to change everything, tell us what you're building in your basement, or, hell, just dance or play a tune.

I, we, and all of us are here for you. Smash your wordvenom against us.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=308905#Comment_308905 2011-09-09T09:40:15-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 brittanica http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2296 More of the same, more of the same. Depressed, in pain, gaining weight, lacking in money... only this week, I have a birthday! I turn 24 tomorrow. Working most of the day, of course, and I can't ...
...and I have a lovely fella who does everything he can to try and make me feel better (when he's not depressed himself; he has a lot of guilt over leaving his well-paying job a while back, even though multiple doctors told him he needed to, for stress reasons). And his birthday's five days after mine. He'll be 30. He's kinda depressed about that too. He's convinced all the music he's made is for nothing, that no one will ever care, that he's wasted his life. There are plenty of people who care, but being well acquainted with the concept of self-hate, I know it's tough to make him believe it.
But, yeah, I remain in the same rut I've been in for a while, and I just can't see any way out. I think of a lot of things I should do, but most of them are medical, and I just can't afford it. Even w/ insurance.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=308956#Comment_308956 2011-09-09T22:14:46-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Rootfireember http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1551 I feel like I can't really hold onto ideas and hope yet. I grasp them for a moment, before they slip away, and I'm left wondering what I was grasping for to begin with. I keep on being told the ... I grasp them for a moment, before they slip away, and I'm left wondering what I was grasping for to begin with.

I keep on being told the medicine is working, that I am getting better, and it seems so during the day-- but at night I'm left wondering if it's true at all, and I become afraid.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=308973#Comment_308973 2011-09-10T04:55:29-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 JP Carpenter http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2485 @Roo, Britannica. Hang in there, it does get better and can be managed and am thinking of you both. Hard work, never easy but doable. I'm back to trusting in medication again, my nine month ...
I'm back to trusting in medication again, my nine month experiment in coming off antidepressants ended in failure about three weeks ago when I bowed to the inevitable and went back to the doctor. Tried my damndest, but it just wasn't to be this time and was sinking quite fast into constant anxiety, cold sweats, pain and insomnia. Have slowly been improving and feel at least stable again, but got a bollocking from the doctor for going off and on them and was told to keep taking the tablets for at least 18 months from now. Also had a counselling referral so will give that a go. Pleased that I had the sense to take action at a point just before I would have had to take time off work, as that was my worst nighmare - the last time that happened it took years for me to get my career back on track and for my confidence to return.

And then the horror of the last two weeks. My partner lost a baby. Not a late miscarriage, 10 weeks, but she's utterly inconsolable. It also got complicated and she had a serious haemmorhage, luckily when she was actually in a hospital for a blood test at the time, but still traumatic for her and the girls, who were with her at the time - it took me two and a half hours to get to them as I was in London, and all I knew when the hospital called was that she'd been taken ill and I had to come immediately.

She was so incredibly happy about being pregnant again, and it's just been ripped away from her. I had mixed feelings about the whole thing and that's made it all so much harder. But I'd got to the point where I'd made peace with the concept of having a fourth child, so this was just fucking cruel. I swing between desperate sadness, compassion and frustration with everything, and sometimes frustration with her, as she is so intense, and I struggle to handle it. Her mother has also been grossly unsympathetic, at one point, telling her to 'lighten up' and 'why don't you just go down the garden and eat worms then?'. I've also been trying to deal with the busiest and most stressful period at work for several years and right now everything feels very, very heavy.

Going back on antidepressants has its downsides though. It's made me functional, but quite numb and cold emotionally, which is why I tried so hard to come off them in the first place. I don't feel I'm doing a great job of being supportive even though I desperately want to. I can hardly even cry for gods' sake.

I'm not particularly comfortable with putting this stuff on the interwubs, it feels very raw and painful. I don't have many people near me in meatspace who I can be candid with, and I hate the telephone, so what's a man to do?

Hope everyone else is as well as they can be.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=308994#Comment_308994 2011-09-10T10:03:58-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 RenThing http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=155 @JonCarpenter Fuck, man, I can't even imagine what it would be like to be a woman who has lost a child being told to "lighten up" as if she'd just misplaced something. My wife and I lost ...
Fuck, man, I can't even imagine what it would be like to be a woman who has lost a child being told to "lighten up" as if she'd just misplaced something. My wife and I lost our first child two years back and I'm pretty sure that if my mother had said something like that to her that, after she was done crying, the murderous rage that would've come over my wife would've been epic. I'm sorry for your guys' loss.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=308995#Comment_308995 2011-09-10T10:11:33-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 government spy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6088 @Jon you have my sympathies man. No one, can tell another how they are supposed to react. There's just no way to predict how something like this affects you (or your loved ones). I can also ...
At the end of the day, the only thing that's helped me was to just be honest with your partner; making sure that if they feel you're coming up short, that they know why.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=308996#Comment_308996 2011-09-10T10:25:42-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Fishelle http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8854 @J0nCarp3nter I cannot believe your partner's mother would say such things to her daughter that just miscarried. Uhg. That makes me angry. I don't really understand the sort of heartbreak that comes ... believe your partner's mother would say such things to her daughter that just miscarried. Uhg. That makes me angry.
I don't really understand the sort of heartbreak that comes with a miscarriage, having no children of my own or anything. I remember when I was little, my own mom had a stillborn child, who was supposed to be my little sister. Even though she would have been the 8th child in our family, we were all still heartbroken about it. My mom was tough. I don't remember ever seeing her cry about it or anything. (In fact, the first time I can remember her breaking down in tears in front of me was many years later when her mother died.) My mom was one of 10 children, and she wanted just as many. But after that, she couldn't have kids anymore. I still wish I had a little sister sometimes.
I know with the mixed feeling you have toward having another child, maybe you don't want to try again or anything. But at least, for your partner's sake, it will be possible. And for right now, you have each other, along with the girls you have already. Since you're having a hard time supporting her, get them to help, too. Probably they are, but I just remember back to that time with my mom, and I wish I'd done more to help her. The antidepressants may not be the best thing emotionally, but it sounds like a time that you would really need them.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309001#Comment_309001 2011-09-10T11:13:06-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 dorkmuffin http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6719 @Jon, echoing the sentiments of those here. Hang in there, and come back often. Here, when you need it, there's always a sympathetic ear to be found. OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309012#Comment_309012 2011-09-10T13:21:18-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 trini_naenae http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=183 @Jon Carpenter: *Hugs* That's rough. Wish I had something deep and insightful to say. OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309028#Comment_309028 2011-09-10T18:47:47-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 scs http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=7988 My boss whom I love dearly left on vacation this past Monday and will be gone for two weeks. I'm covering for him in his absence. After a week of us being on our own, the senior staff agree that ...
After a week of us being on our own, the senior staff agree that *he* is the biggest cause of our morale problems. He tries to be very informative about what's going on with the department and where things are going over the next few years, but he's so unrelentingly pessimistic that it's becoming self-fulfilling prophecy: nearly half the department has transferred or gotten other jobs in the last year, and many more are looking - including me.

What really needs to happen is for him to let go of his anger and frustration about the changes at work, and go do something else. Anything else. He's been in the same position for eight or nine years, and he's simply burned out.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309031#Comment_309031 2011-09-10T19:02:18-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Rootfireember http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1551 @Jon- *ehugs* and sympathies, & thanks for the words. OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309032#Comment_309032 2011-09-10T19:42:55-07:00 2011-09-10T19:43:12-07:00 Angela Hunt http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=195 My week was rather great. Helped produce a tarot deck into becoming real through a IndieGoGo. Other epic stuff happened. My little press is gaining momentum and carrying me with it. But at the ...
That being said, I hate that the only prints people want to buy from me are landscapes. I love my friends. They're pretty fucking fantastic. I'm pissed off about how much fucking housework I have to do on my weekends.

I think it's pretty damn broken that the world's obsessed with awful things, rather than obsessed with making things better. Though that seems to be changing.

I'm going to help change publishing and make it more sane, because it's fucking broken too. That's why the giant robot in the garage.

I'm too tired to dance or sing just this minute, but thank you for reminding me that I love to do both.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309040#Comment_309040 2011-09-10T20:37:01-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 trini_naenae http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=183 I was hoping to get a text or a call this weekend and post about what happened afterwards, but it hasn't happened yet. And it's Saturday night so I just as well. My boss is on vacation because ...
My boss is on vacation because she does too much and her oldest son probably insisted that she take one. And when I say does too much, I mean runs a small business (with help) and pastors two little Methodist churches. I adore her, but she really does too much. I should also add that her family are all naturally really beautiful people. Great people, very fun to look at.

So her son has been around for a over a week at least, learning how things work, and then helping run things. He's been amazed at how well things run, and constantly thanking us for being so easy to work with, etc. He's also very fun to talk to, and very cute. He had visited before, but he's different this time. More responsible, in better shape, and I am so very much crushing on him. I like to think that there has been some flirtation going on, and I like to think he thinks I'm cute too, but I really don't trust my own judgement with these things. I did tell him that he could enjoy my family's beach (something that has been extended to all of my coworkers) as long as he called first (and after noon), and he seemed to want to, but he hasn't called yet. One more day for him to call before it's Monday, and I know it's all very stupid.

I really should get out more, but the local boys are generally ... small town Wisconsin boys. I know it's shallow, but it's hard to get excited and flirty with boys whose life experience is a small town where the cops are so bored the city had to pass an ordinance that they couldn't follow teenagers around so they could bust them for smoking pot. I'm not kidding.

My boss will be back late Thursday, he leaves Friday, and the likelihood of anything happening is about nonexistent, but I'm still hoping. So that's my bit of amusing blather. Oh, and I'm making Trinidad Stew Chicken and playing my uke as background music for the retirement community my mom works at tomorrow. And the hair dye didn't get bought so I'll have to wait a couple weeks before I get to do any of that sort of stuff.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309041#Comment_309041 2011-09-10T21:18:11-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 razrangel http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2075 @Rootfireember, Britannica - Hang tough, guys. It's not impossible or hopeless (and happy birthday, Brit!!) @Jon - I'm so sorry that happened to your family. Conflicted or not, it's got to be the ... @Jon - I'm so sorry that happened to your family. Conflicted or not, it's got to be the hardest shock to recover from, losing a child you were getting set to meet. This is just a guess but maybe it's better that you're on the meds than not so you can be there for your partner rather than spiraling in pain as well. Though, I know the dulling effect also means it's hard to reach out to other people. Keep trying, it's all anyone can do.

Comparatively speaking I don't have any complaints but if you remove the comparisons I've had a week that has by turns increased the pressure on me, frustrated me and left me very dissatisfied. But there has also been beauty in it.

For the personal stuff it's a huge interplay of being annoyed with myself, choosing to run away from myself, ditching discipline in favor of cheap and fun, sorrowing at the consequences and subsequently becoming annoyed with myself. If I had enough money, I tell myself, I could make better choices about the food I eat, especially when I'm driving hither and yon. I wouldn't have to lean on my mom so much, or at all for my needs... (my mom, god love her, has been extremely generous, so in the spirit of not looking gift horses in the mouth, I don't protest gift cards to fast food places which are her solution to being hungry while on the road). So I eat like shit, I don't make the time to exercise and, naturally, have been gaining weight steadily. Just existing feels uncomfortable. So I run away. I watch videos on Hulu, read crappy romances (while having Serious Nonfiction Books waiting to be read), stay up till practically dawn and have a bitch of a time getting out of bed before noon. Which, unshockingly, makes the whole cycle repeat again.

Behind on Japanese study (hello lack of discipline), haven't moved on the VO work in nearly a month (hello laziness X fear of getting shit done), uncomfortable in nearly all my clothes (hello 30lbs I was hoping to never see again), mounting debt (hello normal maintenance that I'm not doing due to lack of funds) and then the silly, inopportune wanting from my id that is poking me about remaining single and poking me about not traveling and poking me about...fucking everything. I'm in a holding pattern. I desperately want a real life "actual content coming soon" to go out in my place and do all the hobnobbing and talking and otherwise dealing with people for me because the real me isn't what I want people to see. I know that's dumb but...that's where i'm at.

This week two guys and one gal in different places caught my eye. I wanted to smile just...wink...at something more than passing cordiality but I held back. All of the above, being fat, being poor, being...stuck. I don't want to invite anyone into that. so the life I want is just over there and I'm not confident of just getting up to go over to it.

The other factor of this week has been 9/11. Since last weekend stories of remembrances and of the ensuing 10 years of responses have been all over the news, getting progressively more inescapable. I feel bad at wanting to get away from them because they do matter to me, it just gets to be so much. It's not just tragedy, it's fury, agony and horror at the choices that led to it and those that flowed from it. My theatre company decided to take on a play that would be our expression of the impact of 9/11. The artistic director came upon What the Moon Saw and has been working on it for a year with the playwrite. I haven't had anything really to do with it - just put in a little time set building - but the play is up now and I saw it last night. There's something about Hans Christian Anderson stories that is just so sweet, so indelible even when the stories contain terrible events... It just works out see the Tin soldier and the Matchstick Girl in the 9/11 environs of Manhattan, and it's heartbreaking too. My friend Alex plays a firefighter who very directly speaks about buddies he lost while the Matchstick Girl tries to sell her wares in a world that doesn't see her. I always knew Alex was disgustingly talented, but this time he put me in a place where I was there, naked to the pain, and i couldn't stop crying for at least 20 minutes (and carried on sniffling for the rest of the play).

I'm pretty good at letting art hit me. I suspend disbelief pretty damn easily. but sometimes I can't let go of hearing someone I know really well perform a piece of text. Here I didn't see Alex but a brokenhearted firefighter wishing he could believe in a reality that was beyond his grasp. I do theatre because it's the artform that I understand best and that I have the most talent for. I turn to it because, when it's in top form it moves in me better and more profoundly than any other. for me, theatre says things for effectively than any other form. I could try so, so hard to explain the impact of 9/11 on me, but no words I could ever say could express this feeling better than an actor playing a bone weary firefighter trudging across a stage, every step kicking up a light cloud of flour.

To the son of Semele, drunken master of revels, teller of truths and obscurer of reality.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309042#Comment_309042 2011-09-10T21:40:25-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 RenThing http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=155 Out of the last 24 hours of I slept about 16. I have had a fever that led to dreams where I woke up still pleading with the government men not to take away my son. My body feels like it's been ... OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309045#Comment_309045 2011-09-11T00:17:28-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 kahavi http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2713 A friend is burning himself out, and burning bridges behind him, and I can't stop him without destroying our friendship utterly and completely. Fucking hell. OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309063#Comment_309063 2011-09-11T10:46:18-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 JP Carpenter http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2485 Thanks for your kind words all, really appreciate them. Will just be a very tough few weeks, I don't see it getting easier any time soon. She went out and bought a plant today, to go with another ...
Will just be a very tough few weeks, I don't see it getting easier any time soon. She went out and bought a plant today, to go with another one from when she had a miscarriage about three years back, it seemed to help her a lot then so hopefully this will too. In happier news, my eldest girl is nine tomorrow, can't quite believe that, and she's growing up so fast.

peace to all]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309065#Comment_309065 2011-09-11T11:12:59-07:00 2011-09-11T11:14:19-07:00 government spy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6088 So, last open mic I mentioned locking up a middle-eastern Muslim inmate for trying to have another inmate make explosives for him. I had been feeling conflicted about the situation. Today, (of ...
I had been feeling conflicted about the situation.

Today, (of all days) I've learned more about this specific guy; that he's an embezzler who funds money to terrorist organizations. Some days more than others, I become very aware of where I am and with whom I'm dealing.

I mean, I know some inmates that are easy to deal with. We have great political discussions and talk about pop culture, music, current events, and women.

And then there's the other guys. The assholes. Murderers, terrorists, hard core drug dealers and cartel members. Guys that if they had the opportunity, would stab me or otherwise incapacitate me at a moments notice.

I try hard to be a good guy, and give people a chance when I can, but days like today, I remember that I did swear an oath, to protect this country from enemies foreign and domestic. That may sound cheesy, or naively patriotic, but nevertheless, that's how I feel. Or, to be honest, that some days, I simply remember that it's true. That's hard for a former punk rocker, who used to yell "Anarchy!" and get into random bar fights, to admit.

It's hard not to reflect on days like today. I didn't have a moment of silence when the planes hit or the towers fell. I didn't personally know anyone who died or anyone who lost a friend or family member that day. I don't agree with everything that we as a country have done in the past ten years. I know why I'm here, now, doing this job, providing for my family, and I guess that's enough.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309163#Comment_309163 2011-09-12T13:59:11-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 WaxPoetic http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1809 My friend tells me to be gentle with myself while I gear up for new living in new city. I am ready for this to happen, and impatient. However, my worst is frustrated fragility these days; the low ...
So, *hugs* to all & wishes for a beautiful thing or two to startle you pleasantly in your days.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309170#Comment_309170 2011-09-12T15:08:15-07:00 2011-09-12T15:08:32-07:00 oldhat http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=75 @Jon, am so sorry to hear that. All the best. This past week was...eh. Okay. For work, things were pretty fast-paced due to the Canadian Country Music Awards happening this past weekend and ...
This past week was...eh. Okay.

For work, things were pretty fast-paced due to the Canadian Country Music Awards happening this past weekend and everyone in the office running around trying to organize hotels, make sure the clients are where they're supposed to be and that "just in case they win" press release are written and ready to go out as soon as the show is over at 9pm tonight (which is why I'm currently in the office until about 10pm. Wooo.)

For most of the week I just got hit with this really, really intense self-hatred on my abilities but mostly my appearance. I can more or less trace this back to being the exact same weight (no loss or gain) for about a month or so and I AM frustrated with that, especially since I'm about 17lbs away from my goal. So close I can TASTE IT. But even then...I haven't had a self-hate attack this ferocious or for this long before. Going to sleep in near-tears, and waking up wondering what the point of getting up was...I was actually REALLY starting to get worried about things. There's the regular low self-esteem, but this was on a level that I just didn't like at all. But thankfully that started to lift on the night I went to see the Alexandrov Red Army Choir & Ensemble. Not just because I got to see a group of (125) performers that I have adored since high school, but also because I got to dress up and make myself look, well, pretty. To me, anyways. It was nice to know that I could still glam up and look good.

The weekend was also good because I spent Friday to myself. I walked around the city, ate a really good veggie burger and rented Alien, a film which, now don't hurt me, I had never seen before. Really loved it! Hell, loved it enough to rent Aliens the next day (which I also loved!)

So yeah, fairly uneventful, but that's it!]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309179#Comment_309179 2011-09-12T16:01:02-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 icelandbob http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=5250 Jon just read you post and it's such a bummer on all counts. Manly Bro hugs and good thoughts to you frmo up here. so there hasn't really been that much to report over the last couple of weeks. ...
so there hasn't really been that much to report over the last couple of weeks. that's because i'Ve been busy beavering away working my day job and writing like a mother. We have a major music festival coming up in a month and it's going to get a little crazy in the run up as we have to interview bands and artists, create the information booklet and then review EVERY band playing, all the while tending to our various drug/alcohol/sexual dependencies....

But last weekend we took a break to the East of CIeland... to go sheep rustling! I kid you not. They call it the "Réttir" and basically all the farms in the area get everyone together and bring the sheep down from the hills by Horse, Quadbike, 4x4 and foot. It's really just a 4 hours trek while drinking beer and grabbing sheeps arses (that are caked in shit).




In the evening they had the annual "Sheep Dance", which is basically just a hoe-down that's also a bring your own booze, where all the local kids get a chance to get blotto and share saliva and various diseases. It was ok i suppose. they just assumed i was too old but to be honest the music was a bit crap and old fashioned for my taste. We used to have these things when i was a teenager and they were crap then.

Sigh.... i guess i AM getting old...]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309202#Comment_309202 2011-09-12T21:27:41-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Alan Tyson http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1299 Jon... yikes, man. I'm sorry. OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309213#Comment_309213 2011-09-13T00:05:18-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 mister86 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6190 As of right now, I've called out of work tonight. I woke up from a nap, got ready, got to the car and promptly decided I just couldn't do it tonight. So I sent my boss a text and said I was sick. ...
I know I'm looking to leave the place I live, to head where my close friends are and start anew, but I still don't have anything available to or for me. I'm pissing about with nothing to show for it, am wasting what I have, and can't shake the feeling that I've failed myself.

I just want to delete this all for wasting your time.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309216#Comment_309216 2011-09-13T05:17:25-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Horrible Warning Si http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1223 @J0nCarp3nter - Please to check electromail. OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309222#Comment_309222 2011-09-13T08:17:26-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Fishelle http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8854 @mister86 Not a waste of time. Also, if it makes you feel any better, I treated my last job in a similar matter. I called in sick one day because the thought of going into work did actually make me ... OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309230#Comment_309230 2011-09-13T11:36:28-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Darkest http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4849 Am finally using my own laptop again! Short lived however since the Disc tray isn't working and the wireless connection is being iffy. Will sleep on it to make sure I'm not just getting unduly ...
My Shop (Niche Comics) may open soon. The renovation work is still going on and the progress while noticeable is kind of irritating. I want to be up and doing. I'm still a little worried about anchoring myself long term in my home town but I'm sure I'll figure something out. The most important thing other than providing a service to others is to get some stable money coming in (fingers crossed).

Good luck to everyone with their stuff.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309233#Comment_309233 2011-09-13T11:58:02-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 nigredo http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2373 @ Jon - My deepest sympathies. For the first time in my adult life I am completely broke. Won't be for long but it has filled me with an unfamiliar sense of powerlessness that's profoundly ...
For the first time in my adult life I am completely broke. Won't be for long but it has filled me with an unfamiliar sense of powerlessness that's profoundly disturbing. I've sort of been broke before but not to this extent. The situation definitely forced me to re-think a lot of things, as it will not change any time in the foreseeable future. I just can't live comfortably on what I make right now and I had been finding myself getting frighteningly close to this every month for the last half year or so. Sacrifices will have to be made...

All the best to those of you dealing with tough situations right now.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309259#Comment_309259 2011-09-13T16:04:36-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 JP Carpenter http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2485 Thanks all, thanks Si, appreciated. Am away for work for two nights, not what I need right now at all but couldn't be avoided - just want to be back home. Am in a hotel in Birmingham, partner ...
Am away for work for two nights, not what I need right now at all but couldn't be avoided - just want to be back home. Am in a hotel in Birmingham, partner didn't want me to go, doesn't want me to phone as she'll get upset. Potentially have mother-in-common-law turning up on Thurs and demanding to stay, even though she's been asked not to. Could be messy.

In mundane news... have just paid £13 for a double gin and tonic. Which is more than ridiculous in a hotel that looks like one of those sink estates where the police only go in pairs. And they want £15 a day for broadband, thank christ I have a 3g card. Bastards. Am surprised they haven't made the whole fucking building into a faraday cage to prevent people from avoiding the fees.

Ho hum.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309261#Comment_309261 2011-09-13T16:10:25-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Will Ellwood http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2556 @J0nCarp3nter Are you staying in the Hilton at the NEC? I remember being ripped off there at Eastercon this year. However, the Zurich burger I bought from the bar there was the best burger I've ...
However, the Zurich burger I bought from the bar there was the best burger I've ever eaten in my life.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309265#Comment_309265 2011-09-13T16:26:48-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 JP Carpenter http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2485 @Will yup - did you guess from the description of the brutalist/fuhrer-esque architecture, or the usury of the bar charges? I believe a colleague of mine may have had the zurich burger and ...
yup - did you guess from the description of the brutalist/fuhrer-esque architecture, or the usury of the bar charges? I believe a colleague of mine may have had the zurich burger and appreciated it, I on the other hand had a lukewarm vegetable balti...]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309269#Comment_309269 2011-09-13T16:48:45-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Will Ellwood http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2556 @J0nCarp3nter - Both! I suggest if possible you avoid the in hotel Costa coffee and walk to the convention centre for your caffeine fix. The Zurich burger is the one that costs £14 and comes with a ... OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309334#Comment_309334 2011-09-14T06:57:20-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 Omniaural http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=10560 Sympathies to all of you who've gone before me. Nothing so big for me but they're my problems so I'll still vent if its okay. Its been over a year since I've split with my wife and I'm finding it ...
Its been over a year since I've split with my wife and I'm finding it tricky. I gave up a lot of myself for her over the 13 years of our marriage but eventually I realised that the reason she would never be happy with me is because she didn't want me she wanted someone else. Its not like it was even an actual person but an idea of a person she wanted and I did my damndest to become that person. Of course, that wasn't who I was and I kept failing.

That's the past. The present is that now she HAS found someone that she seems to like. That's great and I'm happy for her but on another level I feel a lot of resentment. Since we split she has actually taken steps to sort herself out and has finally been diagnosed as Bi-Polar and is taking medication. This leaves me wondering if she had been bothered to confront this when we were together rather than blaming our problems on me whether we'd still be together.

Also I started dating earlier this year too but as soon as I told her she went mad and started calling me and texting me every day over a couple of weeks telling me she couldn't cope and threatening to kill herself and also implying she might do the same with our kids. I did my best not to give in and eventually she stopped. needless to say the budding relationship I had wanted was now dead in the water.

I'm not one to hold a grudge and there's no way I'd treat her the same way out of spite or revenge but I do feel upset that she expects me to accept that she is now dating when she couldn't do the same for me.

The guy seems nice enough and my kids seem to like him (though part of me wishes they'd go all 'goggle-eyes' on him) and hopefully this a sign that she's moving on and settling down. If that was all it took for her to be happy I wish I'd left sooner (rather than give up two well-paid jobs attempting to save our marriage) and saved us both the heartache of the last few years.

Whinge over.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309340#Comment_309340 2011-09-14T08:41:43-07:00 2011-09-14T08:49:41-07:00 RenThing http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=155 Went to the doctor's yesterday because I can't shake the sore throat, neck ache or head ache and had the disturbing moment where I was disappointed I didn't have strep throat (because then I could ... disappointed I didn't have strep throat (because then I could have had the lovely antibiotics you see...), which means it's most likely viral and so I just get to suffer. Thankfully most of the symptoms have gone away with the exception of the throat. It feels like every time I yawn or otherwise stretch my mouth open wide, or tilt my head back, that my the inside of my throat is cracking and tearing. Swallowing sucks but yawns are so much worse. As usual, the wife is getting it even harder than I did (I joked this morning it was my hearty Slav genes that allowed me to recover faster; she threw a book at my head) so I'm taking care of her and the kid.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309355#Comment_309355 2011-09-14T13:20:56-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 WaxPoetic http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1809 I keep thinking I'm forgetting something. I have no idea how this is all going to turn out. Terror. That's the name of it. It won't help. It just sits in the corner, mocking me, eating all the ... I have no idea how this is all going to turn out.
Terror. That's the name of it.
It won't help. It just sits in the corner, mocking me, eating all the chocolate.

Tomorrow is the drive of forever with a pissed off ragecat and home-assembled trail mix. I'm hoping the dark chocolate M&M's stave off exhaustion and poor decision making.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309360#Comment_309360 2011-09-14T15:14:10-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 mybrainhurts http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1584 I'm still broke and unemployed and no-one wants to hire me. I'm gonna be skint for my holiday at the end of October which I booked when I actually had money. On the other hand, I do actually have all ...
]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309369#Comment_309369 2011-09-14T17:03:56-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 brittanica http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2296 @mybrainhurts I kinda squee'd when I realized that when I recognized your name, it was because it was one of a 'Chapeler. I've loved Mitch Clem's stuff for years and years now. So congrats! NNTS is ... I kinda squee'd when I realized that when I recognized your name, it was because it was one of a 'Chapeler. I've loved Mitch Clem's stuff for years and years now. So congrats! NNTS is gonna be even awesomer.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309436#Comment_309436 2011-09-15T13:44:20-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 allana http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4019 Holy crap, you're working with Mitch Clem? NN2S was my first exposure to the rabid fandom of webcomics. Remember that first week the forum started, in 2002 or 2003? I was, like, three days late to ... OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309476#Comment_309476 2011-09-15T22:34:28-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 oddbill http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4272 @oldhat Oh man I know your frustration with being right on the doorstep of the weight you want to be. The last ten or fifteen pounds are the absolute hardest! You have to work like 4 times as hard ...
Oh man I know your frustration with being right on the doorstep of the weight you want to be. The last ten or fifteen pounds are the absolute hardest! You have to work like 4 times as hard just to lose them, and then they come back quickly if you let your guard down at all.

Late last year I decided to get serious about losing weight and building some muscle. I'm pudgier than I look with clothes on, and was having real self-esteem issues related to fat on my chest and gut, and getting older, and just in general thinking it was on it's way downhill.

I joined a 6 week program that I stretched out to 8 or 9 weeks, following a really strict veggies & meat only diet, no sugar, no alcohol, only water. I stuck to that, and did weight training 3 times a week. In 7ish weeks I went from the picture on the left to the picture on the right:

before and after

So I felt great taking that second picture. But I really had about 10 more pounds to lose at that point, to be at the weight/bodyfat place I wanted to be. And I just couldn't do it. I couldn't keep up the diet. I drifted away from the exercise.

Now, several months later, I'm more or less back at the first picture. I feel pretty bad about that.

Coming to terms with how I look has always been a big issue. I've never felt attractive. Even when other people think I am. I always feel like it's just a game they are playing with me, or it'll pass.

I'm trying these days to come to some kind of peace with the idea that I'll always have some kind of a gut. I'm getting to an age where it just isn't realistic to pursue the kind of body that only happens to boys with more athletic habits than I care to cultivate. I'm going to eat sugar sometimes and drink beer. Maybe I can bulk up muscularly some. But I need to reimagine my body closer to the shape it seems to want to take, not the shape I want it to take.

You are never seen by others the way you see yourself. I guess that's a good thing when you see yourself too critically.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309481#Comment_309481 2011-09-16T00:30:53-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 allana http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4019 Y'know, Bill, I seem to recall an unfulfilled request for n00dz... My weight hasn't really fluctuated more than twenty pounds since I was 14 or so, so maybe my contribution to the discussion ...

My weight hasn't really fluctuated more than twenty pounds since I was 14 or so, so maybe my contribution to the discussion isn't so valuable. But I prefer to think of my body in terms of what it can do, rather than what it is. I'm happyish with how I look, but I still want to be able to run really fast and climb trees like a spider-monkey. Yep, that's a real goal. So I'm heading to the track several times a week and trying to develop upper-body strength. I did the gym thing for a year, but working out isn't its own reward. I'd be way more interested as exercise as a side effect of, say, learning to fight, or the manual labour that's been my greatest source of income for the past five years. I know that's really a lifestyle thing, and desks/computers don't work that way, but I think real bodily comfort comes when it does what you ask of it, not just how you look in your friend's Facebook pictures. Arbitrary weight goals just seem weird, when you could have a cool goal like knocking somebody out or regularly beating your own record.

(But, also, I bleed for fun, so my idea of "my body does what I ask of it" is maybe a bit distorted sometimes?)]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309500#Comment_309500 2011-09-16T08:05:15-07:00 2011-09-16T08:19:12-07:00 oldhat http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=75 Bill & Allana, thanks for sharing. And Allana, you NEED to go to Newsgirls! It's somewhat kind of near where you live so you have no excuse! Well, except for money, which is why I don't go ...
For me, things got out of hand a few years ago and at some point I did recognize a problem. College and unemployment kind of took it's toll on me in my early 20s and I let myself get to a point that I'd never thought I would. Shortly after my brother died, I guess inspired by a need to get fit for my own health so I don't die early, I started running, walking more and eating less. Within a year and a half I lost 60lbs and went from searching around the mall for three hours looking for something in an XXL size to being able to walk in to any store and get something in an M or L (women sizes fluctuate so much it's weird). Then of course, last winter came and I gained about ten pounds and I've been pretty much stuck with that weight up until last week when my body yielded and let me lose three pounds. But still, the amount that I lost still feels great and I now have a wonderful assortment of nightshirts that used to be my old wardrobe. I really do look like a whole other person.

But in regards to exercise...while losing weight is important to me, I think it stopped being the primary goal for me a while back and became something that I just enjoyed doing. Running became "meditation time", a guaranteed point in the day where I was able to clear my head. And boxing...well, I like hitting people and having people shout "go Valkyrie" when I'm in the ring with someone. And after both of those things, when you've exerted yourself, the endorphin kick just...well, if I had a partner they might be jumped on a regular basis. It's that good.

But like Bill, coming to terms with how I look has always been a problem. I've managed to make it work for me with a tomboyish personality, but I don't think I've ever really been satisfied with appearance. Especially in summer when the petite girls in tube tops and short-shorts seem to almost invade the city. I won't even get in to the ads, because we all know about that crap.

That said though, there's some things I've come to terms with. I'll always be this tall (I started liking that fact about a year ago. And as a friend said, being this tall allows me to loom over people. I like looming), I'll always have this frame (hey, at least it works for me in the ring and I don't get mugged) and, as Bill said, you are never seen by others the way you see yourself (I'm actually starting to take compliments as something the person believes to be true now, rather than a joke or a "good for you" throwaway line due to the weight loss) and I should be thankful that my weight spreads itself out so damn well (won't reveal what I weigh just yet, but it's WAY more than people think it is. If I were shorter and had this weight I would NOT be a size medium).Coming to terms with those truths started out hard, and anyone following me on twitter will know that it still buggers things up for me time to time, but I'm starting to take comfort in them.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309508#Comment_309508 2011-09-16T09:23:08-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 texture http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1472 Wow, reading through this month's thread has really put my shit in perspective. Inspired by oddbill, oldhat and allana, I've also decided to start working on my weight / fitness, and to stop ...
Inspired by oddbill, oldhat and allana, I've also decided to start working on my weight / fitness, and to stop telling myself I'm a fat cunt every time I look in the mirror, and actually DO something. I went for a brisk walk yesterday (I'm asthmatic, and exercise is my trigger - I'm hoping to build up to a proper run in a week or two) and it felt good. Energy levels higher than they've been in a while. I can do this!

Started my Masters in Creative Writing this week and have had a boost of self esteem from that which is great... then today I found out the bank have not approved my funding for the course. Can't pay rent next week, and I'm jobless (quit to come here). Cue massive panic attack which I'm currently medicating with Dr Whisky.

There are other options, some of which involve tapping my parents for money in the short term, something I'd hoped to avoid. Guess I'm lucky that is even an option.... my folks are incredible and very supportive, for which I've always been grateful.

I'm determined to finish this course and get at least the first draft of a novel under my belt before April next year. Hopefully that first draft will be accompanied by an 'after' shot as HAWT as oddbill's (ROWR), or at the very least a more healthy lifestyle and better self esteem! I've been off the sugar and beer for 2 days (no congrats yet please too soon), and havent smoked any weed (my snack-enabler) since then either. I think what I lack is discipline... but sheer bloodymindedness can and will overcome my failings... I hope.

Plus, fuck it, I get to be a student again for a year... even if I'm paying that shit off til I'm 40, it's gonna be worth it, and moving away from the ghosts of Edinburgh has been invigorating. Finally laid to rest a failed eight year relationship and moved on from the suicide of a close friend. That took work, and a change of scenery... so fuck the bank eh, today is a good day regardless.

Whitechapel - You Are Beautiful At All Times. Big electrohugs to everyone.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309521#Comment_309521 2011-09-16T11:00:42-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 allana http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4019 The real reason I haven't gone to Newsgirls yet? I haven't fixed my hand piercing to make it safe under a hand wrap. SUPER lame excuse. I, too, started classed this week. Just some undergrad ...
I, too, started classed this week. Just some undergrad night courses as a psych-up for my masters apps, but I'm really excited. It's already the exact situation of every classroom I've been in since grade school: I'm the only one who gets the teacher's jokes (or bothers to smile at them, at any rate), I talk too much, try to answer every question, and get really bored when things aren't moving snappily enough. I know, I'm that student, but it's just how it is. It's nice that some things never change.

Also this week: did three TIFF films, all Midnight Madness (that's the awesome-gory-horror-suspense-sci-fi-thriller programme at the Film Fest). The two I knew nothing about (Livid and The Incident) ended up being fantastic, and the one I was really stoked about (The Day, a post-apocalyptic fight-fest) ended up being awwwwwful. It was basically The Road with twenty-somethings and weak dialogue and shitty plot twists. Bummer.

Currently I am waiting for my creepy sociopath of a landlord to come by and look at the fridge that's been spoiling my milk for the last month. He's two weeks late in turning the heat on, so it's chilly in here -- but that rising smell from the summer is gone, so I guess it evens out. Did I mention I filed papers with the Landlord Tenant Board? The hearing isn't until November. I occasionally dream of bailing on my lease, dropping my classes, and hopping a plane to England. Occasionally.]]> OPEN MIC - The Spleen Venting Thread (Sept 9th - 15th) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10205&Focus=309538#Comment_309538 2011-09-16T14:33:17-07:00 2013-05-24T14:33:55-07:00 tedcroland http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2106 This thread is centering. Empathy is your link to self-examination, and knowing someone else's plight and empathizing with that is important to putting your problems in perspective. It's ...
Also it's nice to have a place to spill your brains out. Super cathartic.

So for the first time in more than a year I am taking classes outside of my department, and it's driving me fucking crazy. Especially since I feel like I'm making real headway in getting to actually do philosophy for real, not just read and read and read and read and react and read and read. I have ideas!

But these classes are absurdly bad. Sociology of Religion! Sounds interesting! Nope we're going to give credence to intellectually inert ideas and challenge any atheistic thought that might be brought up. Because atheism is the real enemy. Because we make the world, right?? We don't interact with an objective external reality, we control how our mind percieves it by ordering information! Fucking stupid. Just because we interface with an ordered chaos doesn't make the external world inert. Stupid British Empiricist Berekely douchey nonsense. Anthropocentrism at its purist. I hate it.

He also told the whole class that Marx didn't HATE religion, that he just hated how it was used. Bullshit! From the same essay he was discussing:

Criticism has torn up the imaginary flowers from the chain not so that man shall wear the unadorned, bleak chain but so that he will shake off the chain and pluck the living flower. The criticism of religion disillusions man to make him think and act and shape his reality like a man who has been disillusioned and has come to reason, so that he will revolve round himself and therefore round his true sun. Religion is only the illusory sun which revolves round man as long as he does not revolve round himself.


Right. Marx loved religion.

And my Native American Literature class is going to drive me insane. The instructor stumbles over everything, including lists of nouns she reads off her purposeless powerpoints, she's rarely if ever fully prepared for class, hasn't had a cohesive thesis for any lecture so far, and she's forcing us to use the large-form 200 question mini-blue-book scantron for 10 question quizzes. WUT.

I start to hate this school more and more as I continue to attend. It's a State school, and not a particularly good one. Most of the student body are girls, and I use that word because most of them are drunk SoCal girls that couldn't get into a UC. The boys that follow them are even worse. Ugh. How did I have a better time at the Junior College than real school? How did that happen??

Just gotta make it to grad school.

Just have to get through this and I can set up an awesome spring semester with classes that I want. If the school doesn't collapse under economic weight.]]>