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  1.  (10226.1)
    Warren’s REMAKE/REMODEL meme is one of my favourite things. I plan to keep it running – a fresh one every Monday. Artists need a place to show off, Whitechapel should always be It. A handful of entries will be showcased on http://www.Bleedingcool.com at the end of each challenge.

    Spurt Hammond

    THE RULES:

    This is ART ONLY. Any pen-portraits, or crappy scribbles padded-out with words, will cause a deployment of the newly-trained Urethral Attack Maggots. And a banned account.

    No stock-photo manipulation. No half-arsed bollocks. Anything deemed to be piss-takery will be nuked from orbit. Original photography is fine.

    No more than ONE submission by any one person.

    INSTRUCTIONS:

    SPURT HAMMOND

    Yes, you read that right.

    This week’s Paragon Of Class is a swashbuckling space adventurer from the pages of Planet Comics whose name, believe it or not, is the least mind-boggling of the Naughty Nuances which accompanied his improbable adventures. I’m indebted to Kelly-Sue Deconnick and Jess Nevins for bringing his sneer-inducing existence to my attention.

    ”Spurt Hammond was a pilot who traveled between the planets of the Solar System.”


    …aaand that’s about all you’re going to get from the EncycloNet on this guy. Fortunately for us the fine folks at Stupid Comics can shed a little more light. Note the extreme overabundance of Naked! Space! People! – usually male, often over-muscled, frequently colossal – and our tights-wearing hero’s habit of perving over the Same using “the spheroid of his astrograph.” Freud’s ghost just self-exorcised in overexcitement.

    Ingredients: a space-jockey (fnar!) in a tight skirt (hyuk!) carrying a bulbous weapon (quak!), shooting (yuk-yuk!) to the rescue of scantily clad Star Queens (ooer!) via rippling Aryan spacehunks with too many arms. It’s bloody “Carry-On Up Uranus”, innit?

    Let’s see how well Whitechapel handles Space Smut.
  2.  (10226.2)
    Oh.

    Yes.

    Oh.

    Yes.

    Oh.
    Yes
    Oh.
    Yes.
    OH!
    YES!
    OH!!
    YES!!

    uhm . . . .

    I'll make the time for this one. . . .

    ~R
    •  
      CommentAuthorjohnjones
    • CommentTimeSep 19th 2011
     (10226.3)
    In honor of the roast tonight, I was going to suggest we do Charlie Sheen as an immortal warlock, but this, this is so, so much better...
    •  
      CommentAuthorPaul Sizer
    • CommentTimeSep 19th 2011
     (10226.4)
    Get out the plastic sheets, folks, it's gonna be a doozy this week...
  3.  (10226.5)
    I shall check out each art submission wondering if ol' Spurt's gun will be big enough...
    •  
      CommentAuthorNeilFord
    • CommentTimeSep 19th 2011
     (10226.6)
    Hope Pupato comes out to play with this one. :)
  4.  (10226.7)
    I'm almost entirely sure that Jess Nevins and Kelly-Sue Deconnick have made the whole thing up and have just been waiting for someone stupid enough to fall for their wicked private joke.
  5.  (10226.8)
    This should be right up my... youknowwhat. ;)
  6.  (10226.9)
    Oh god. There is a new joy in my life now I know of SPURT HAMMOND's existence. It's almost enough to make me forget that I don't ever draw...
  7.  (10226.10)
    That may be the best comic I've ever read.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSobreiro
    • CommentTimeSep 19th 2011
     (10226.11)
    "Spurt Hammond, I command you to-"
    "WANK"
  8.  (10226.12)
    ... I'll try to draw something if I can stop laughing.
    >:) I expect you guys to come up with some great and horrible....things... for this one!
  9.  (10226.13)
    The only change I made was to give him a sidekick.

    • CommentAuthorBankara
    • CommentTimeSep 19th 2011
     (10226.14)
    I cannot believe that he carries a skeet gun, it is just too perfect
    • CommentAuthorBevis
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2011
     (10226.15)
    There really was no way that I couldn't rise (fnar) to this challenge.

    Spurt Hammond, space-jockey and hard rider, champion of the Solar System and equal opportunities rescuer/lover, ready to save a busty wench or a randy space-barbarian warrior king and satisfy their needs for... revenge. *ahem*

    •  
      CommentAuthorPaul Sizer
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2011
     (10226.16)
    Off to a great start...
  10.  (10226.17)
    @Bevis: I was going to ask how he fits that gun in that holster, but of course: it just takes a bit of lube. :)
    • CommentAuthorBevis
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2011
     (10226.18)
    Well there are two possible answers: 1) (the boring answer) He actually has a different smaller gun in the holder or 2) (the much more appropriate answer) It gets bigger when he's ready to shoot. :p
  11.  (10226.19)
    • CommentAuthorSimonFraser
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2011 edited
     (10226.20)
    Spurt Hammond by Simon Fraser
    From the Drawbridge Blog