Happy Valentine’s Day to all. And to those who hate the day, I say this: Valentine’s Day is a Christian corruption of a pagan festival involving werewolves, blood and fucking. So wish people a happy Horny Werewolf Day and see what happens.
Having been stitched up and made to look like I'd sent a valentines day card to all of my unmarried male office colleagues - which, being a married male myself, is more than a little embarrassing - I extend my wishes of a happy Horny Werewolf Day to all you fair Whitechapel folk.
And, I maintain that Horny Werewolf Day is just as romantic. I intend to woo and sweetheart my partner all day long. At the end of the day, I intend to attack him like a horny werewolf.
What with the blood and the werewolves and the taking over every pagan festival there is to celebrate the birth and death and flaming resurrection of their lord, are Christians just the happeningest people ever?
I say yes.
Thank a Christian today for reminding us how great those pagans really were.
Oh, and love for all. Or arse eels, as is your flavour.
I'm looking forward to going to the pub and laughing at all the bitter single people in my circle who take the whole thing far too seriously. I'm single but since I prefer it that way I tend not to get too wound up about it.
I made a card for my ex-girlfriend out of her cat, making sure there was enough blood left on it to give it a red tint and shaved a heart in the front of it, I don't think she understood my devotion to her. Not wanting to waste anything I had cooked the rest of it, which we had just finished eating with honeyed sweet potatoes and red wine, it was quite gamey. Once I saw her reaction to the card I couldn't bring myself to tell her about the food, so I lied, and told her it was civet. I think our relationship broke down on trust issues.