2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/ Lussumo Vanilla & Feed Publisher http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310306#Comment_310306 2011-09-25T14:44:59-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 Horrible Warning Si http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1223

You know how this goes by now, right? Open Mic is a tradition founded by Spacedaddy Warren. I'm experimenting with launching it on Fridays rather than Sundays, on the grounds that most of us have ...

Open Mic is a tradition founded by Spacedaddy Warren. I'm experimenting with launching it on Fridays rather than Sundays, on the grounds that most of us have accumulated a working-week's-worth of toxicity and hatred, and the sooner we can trepan our collective psyches the better.

To paraphrase herr Ellis:

This is your judgement-free space to vent, get stuff out of your head and otherwise experience special Internet Catharsis. Screaming into a well, 21C-style.

Instructions: Tell us about your week. Tell us what you hate, what you love, what's pissing you off. Tell us what's broken about the world, tell us what you want. Tell us how you plan to change everything, tell us what you're building in your basement, or, hell, just dance or play a tune.

I, we, and all of us are here for you. Smash your wordvenom against us.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310316#Comment_310316 2011-09-25T17:05:20-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 razrangel http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2075

Did a recap looking backwards in the thread ending last Thursday (we're all a bit off kilter, it seems). So I'll look forward at this coming week. Nearly 5pm and still in the sweats I sleep in. ...

Nearly 5pm and still in the sweats I sleep in. Sexy, I know. Furthermore behind in every way. I just don't make plans and somehow they don't miraculously show up. So here's a sort of a plan? Maybe on Thursday we'll see if I kept to it.

Viewpoints and Suzuki Monday and Tuesday and Japanese on Wednesday. Action/adventure Thursday and Friday, but which I mean I have no solid plans so I had better demand something of myself so they don't get away from me. LA Decomp - decompression from Burning Man - on Saturday the 1st and I'm looking at helping friends set up their section in exchange for getting in for free. [NTS still have to switch a shift at the theatre's box office]

I will study, I will get in a little exercise, I will practice my voice work every day... ah. What a cute plan. I wonder if I'll keep to it.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310362#Comment_310362 2011-09-26T09:13:37-07:00 2011-09-26T15:35:10-07:00 twentythoughts http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=7347

This summer, I decided to go on a Great European Adventure for my summer vacation. One of many flights involved going from London to Munich. Okay, I thought, I'll book it through Reisefeber.no, the ...

TL;DR: Never ever ever ever ever EVER booking with them again.

First their site double-booked me. Their response to this was to send me an E-mail that said that my ticket had been cancelled. I called customer service, the lady on the phone didn't mention any double booking, and instead said that yes, the booking had been cancelled, so sorry, don't know why, but I had to go online and order a ticket again. So I did.

The next day I got called by a different customer service lady who said that I had now somehow booked the same journey thrice. Okay, she said, she'd just cancel the last booking, and leave in the one of the previous double booking that hadn't been cancelled. At the end of this, my bank statement showed that I had paid for the journey twice and received money back for one of those bookings, leaving me with just the one booking the customer service lady mentioned. So I figured things were okay.

This is when I noticed that though I had typed my name in correctly in the booking system, somehow they'd gotten the Norwegian letters wrong. See, I've got this weird name with both the letters å and æ in it, and the system didn't like those letters. Normally this isn't a big deal... They just replace the å with aa and the æ with ae, and that matches the electronically readable bit on my passport. This system, however, replaces å with a and æ with a, making my name NOT match my passport.

Now, this isn't always a big deal, but given that I was flying out of a foreign airport and into another foreign airport, I wanted to be completely sure.

What followed was a LONG back-and-forth exchange where I simply tried to get them to tell me that I wouldn't have trouble travelling with this ticket, while they repeatedly insisted that I either let them put a little blurb on my ticket and then travelled at my own risk, absolving them of all responsibility for their fudge-up (meaning that if I somehow couldn't travel, I'd be on my own)... Or I'd pay almost as much as the ticket itself cost to get the name on it changed. Fat chance. After them repeatedly trying to tell me that the system was fine and this was somehow my fault, I finally got them to give me a written (e-mailed) statement that it would be fine.

Then the day came when I was supposed to fly from London to Munich. And what do you know: As I got to the airport (three hours early, thank goodness), the British Airways people told me that they had three bookings: Two of which had been cancelled regularly, and a third that had been cancelled for "unknown reasons". Summa summarum: I had no ticket, and apparently all the regular-priced seats were taken.

The British Airways people nice about it, thankfully, since they saw that there'd obviously been some sort of strangeness going on. Plus, I had the receipt handy. They let me buy a ticket for the same price I'd paid Travelocity, and urged me to keep their receipt so I could get a refund from Travelocity.

Travelocity's refund thingy told me to send them a copy of my receipt and other stuff via snailmail. I sent them scans through E-mail, and they accepted that without protest. This was the first time they actually pulled through: After maybe two or three weeks - a few days ago - I finally got a message that my money was being refunded.

I then told them that I will never be using them to buy plane tickets again.

For, y'know. Obvious reasons.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310380#Comment_310380 2011-09-26T13:32:33-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 JP Carpenter http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2485

Urgh. Bleargh. Meh. Still SNAFU. Had thought things were getting better, but partner had a rough weekend and it's all a bit fraught still, good days and bad days. We'll get there, it'll just ...

Still SNAFU.

Had thought things were getting better, but partner had a rough weekend and it's all a bit fraught still, good days and bad days. We'll get there, it'll just take a lot of time and more patience than I'm used to having. She's very emotional, I seem to have deeply ingrained Spock-like tendencies gained from my parents, especially when I'm on medication.

It's got to that time of year when I leave for work when it's dark and get home when it's dark, feels way too early for that - doesn't exactly make me sweetness and light. And I wasted the weekend, criminally. Just so bloody lethargic I spent Saturday literally just wandering around the house and garden, forgetting all the while why I'd gone to each bit of it.

Sleep would be the best bet right now.

Good night Whitechapel.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310400#Comment_310400 2011-09-26T15:34:26-07:00 2011-09-26T15:35:04-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

So. I've still not gotten my books for school. They are supposed to get me digital copies of my books so I can read them all BIG like, since my ability to focus is shit. I'd have tried to muddle ...

I've still not gotten my books for school. They are supposed to get me digital copies of my books so I can read them all BIG like, since my ability to focus is shit. I'd have tried to muddle through, but my glasses ended up at the bottom of a lake two weeks before school started and I didn't have the money to get new ones til recently. Disability Services doesn't send out the form for books until a week before classes starts, and states that they'll need at least 4 weeks to get you your books. This is a ridiculous and stupid system.

I explain all this to my professors through email, and they tell me to tell Disability Services to tell them what I need in accomodations.

Disability Services doesn't respond to my emails.

I explained all this to my advisor, explaining that i'm ill, I'm terribly behind in all my classes (even the ones I could get digital copies of my books for on my own, due to illness), and that I don't want to have to withdraw, and he emailed me back that I might just have to withdraw all my classes. If I withdraw, then I don't know what will happen to my health insurance, which is through the school. They don't let you be part of Medicaid until you've been on Disability for 2 years. This is also a stupid system. Maybe they hope you'll die off before they have to pay for you?

All my efforts have been wasted. I want to be angry and ass-kicking, but instead I'm all hormonal at the moment, weepy and confused, wondering if I should move to Staten Island even though the rent will take 95% of my monthly money I get through Disability. There's supposed to be things like Section 8 and Low Income Housing, programs that give vouchers to help you pay rent, or project homes built specifically for people on the dole, but Section 8 was discontinued in 2009, and only 3% of people get low income housing each year because of the massive waiting list. It takes some people 5 to 10 years. You've just got to wait for people to DIE or move south to retire to get housing.

If I have to withdraw from school, I have to ask myself why I'm even staying here. I could move somewhere cheaper. Maybe I could live someplace that I could afford a CAR even!

Any advice on where someone could live on $700 a month comfortably?

But then, I need to get my brain fixed, so I figure I should stay in the NYC area. Yes? No? fuuuck!

(thanks for the venting)]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310410#Comment_310410 2011-09-26T18:47:35-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 allana http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4019

Rachel, I spent the past year living in/caretaking a big old house that I rented from my best friend's mother. (I paid $300 inclusive and the place was fully stocked with pretty much everything; I ...

I hate to see you have to drop out; that's one of the worst decisions to make about your own future. But it'd be a temporary setback, and if you can commit to getting away from your family and friends and striking out into the country, I guarantee that you can find a cheap and beautiful place that will be totally creatively inspiring. You should definitely do some reconnaissance travelling first. You should definitely consider all your other options. And I know nothing about American health care or Disability or brain-fixin'. But I know small towns! And sometimes the hermitage is the best thing you can do for yourself.



On that note, I'm going to my mother's place tomorrow, for maybe up to a week, to fix her computer and her printer and her stereo (we gotta recruit a neighbourhood kid; she needs a go-to techie essentially 24/7) and work on my scanner camera and do some sewing and photograph myself in old barns and learn to skateboard (!) and finally get the right friggin' drill charger so I can put up these friggin' floating shelves I made a friggin' month ago. Also bathe for at least two hours every night. This apartment is great, but I am about ready to rip out this shower stall and pay for a bathtub installation myself.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310411#Comment_310411 2011-09-26T18:48:31-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 DavidLejeune http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4220

That sucks Rachael. I'd say don't beat yourself up about school (and, seriously, don't. Sometimes school just doesn't work out), but you seem to have so much else tied up into it that being forced ...

Phoenix is cheap, but I think the heat would literally kill you, and if it didn't the blandness would drive you crazy (it's really getting to me, and I've only been out here about two months). There are cheap parts of LA (though the ones that cheap aren't exactly safe) and Ventura Counties, but a car is kind of a pre-requisite for Southern California, not a 'get one once I'm moved in' item. And that's the extent of places I have first hand living experience of.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310420#Comment_310420 2011-09-26T20:05:07-07:00 2011-09-26T20:08:18-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

@DavidLejeune - Well, I could muddle through using the old fashioned books now that I've got my glasses, but it matters not unless Disability Services bothers to alert my professors and I'm allowed ...

@allana - Yes, I'm thinking that regardless of if I do or don't continue with school, this would be my last semester for a year or so, until I set up residency somewhere else (I'd need a year of living somewhere to get the affordable rates for a state school). I can get my driver's license now that I've had the temporary one for a year, and I keep looking up car prices, hoping I could find one to afford, and then stash my stuff at a friend's house come spring and go off journeying for a while. I like the idea of small town living for a while.

I'm still on the fence about moving to Staten Island. I feel so much of my health issues are due to stress, and I'm not sure which environment would be more stressful: a place where i live that I know, like, and am friends with my roommates, but keep having to clean up and deal with grunge because the level of order and cleanliness desired by myself and my roommates are oceans apart, and live in a bedroom that faces a street with a bus line, but is the cheapest place I can fine - OR - live in a house where I don't know my housemates, in a smaller room, but with a porch, on the end of a dead end street, and a nice ferry ride as a commute to Manhattan, but eats up all my funds.

I suppose, being that I might go traveling in the spring, that I should stay here, rather than screw over the house-people with a short term lease, when they'll be out of town until summer.

Ooooof.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310457#Comment_310457 2011-09-27T06:40:18-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 government spy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6088

Well, it's come to that point. I'm taking my girlfriend to rehab. I'm waiting for my best friend to come pick me up so we can pick her up from her friend's apartment and get her some ...

I'm waiting for my best friend to come pick me up so we can pick her up from her friend's apartment and get her some help.

She's been on a bender for over a week, pretty much all our interactions have all been arguments since this started.

So last night, I had to give her the ultimatum: either quit drinking, or find somewhere else to live. And you know, I drink too. Nothing crazy, but I like to drink every now and again. I feel like such a heel having to do this. I mean, she's going to rehab because she finally realized that it's out of control, not because I'm making her. Well, I think she knew it a long time ago, I just think she was waiting for someone to back her into a corner and say "you can't keep doing this anymore," and then actually stick to their guns and not let her out of it.

I don't know what happens from here. I mean, I know she'll be in for the next several days. I spoke to her boss, my old boss, so her job is safe for the time being. I mean, I don't know if we can survive this with our relationship intact. I love her so much; I'm willing to not have her in my life, I'm alright with her hating me, if she quits drinking. If me taking her to rehab makes her never want to see me again, I can live with that if she gets better.

She's attacked me, insulted me, screwed up a bunch of things, gotten arrested, gotten seriously hurt, and I've stuck by her because the person she is when she's not drunk is so amazing I can't imagine not being with her. I realized recently, that everything I've tried to do to help her, has only made it easier for her to be irresponsibly drunk all of the time. I'm an enabler, in the most stereo-typically cliche sense of the word, that it's not funny anymore.

She's passed out at her best friend's house. I'll be picking her up in about half an hour. I can't stop pacing or shaking.

If anyone has experience of going through rehab with their partner (old lady? girlfriend/boyfriend?) I would appreciate some advice/horrible stories/tell me it's gonna be okay/not ok, anything.

GovSpy normally has his shit together in the worst crisis situations imaginable. Not today, friends.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310464#Comment_310464 2011-09-27T08:45:23-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 RenThing http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=155

The only experience I have with a situation like this was when my parents sent my younger brother to one of those counseling programs where you get water, a zero-degree sleeping bag, and the clothes ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310465#Comment_310465 2011-09-27T09:00:11-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 sellmeyoursoul http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=9518

@Rachael - If you're going to have to drop out and lose your tuition & health insurance, I'd wait until the last possible day. That way you stay insured as long as possible. If you're going to ...

@GovSpy - Shit man. Wow. I don't know anything about rehab (where's Flecky when you need him?) but I do know a thing about being an enabler. I'm not going to say you should break up with her or not be there for her or anything like that, but in my case, the divorce was probably the best thing I ever did for my ex (and myself). When your girlfriend is out of rehab, you might want to consider some couple's therapy where you can both focus on how you can be supportive without being enabling. Changing patterns of behavior in a longstanding relationship is hard and takes both people to want to do it. You've got a rough road ahead of you. Good luck.

As for me... we put the dog down yesterday. I started this month with a cat and a dog and today I have no more pets. I managed to get food poisoning over the weekend, which was a good time. But other than all that, things are going pretty well. This weekend I'm taking my daughter in to the city to visit one of my best friends who is getting her hip replaced today (fingers crossed) and will still be in the hospital. Then we're going up to my sisters so she can meet her new cousin for the first time. That should be fun. I don't want to jinx anything, but it looks like my ex and I really have worked things out custody wise. At this point, we have details to sort, but agree in principal. The thought that we're not going to have to be at each other's throats in court really makes me happy.

Best wishes to all y'all.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310467#Comment_310467 2011-09-27T09:14:22-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 oldhat http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=75

@GovSpy the only thing I can say, with my experiences with friends going to rehab, is that ultimately it's up to them to right themselves and let the treatment work. Now, she's agreed to it and ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310489#Comment_310489 2011-09-27T11:35:44-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 government spy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6088

Thanks everybody. The hospital won't taker her until 7pm this evening so it's just the waiting game right now. She's sleeping for the moment. I feel like we'll get through it, but I think the ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310495#Comment_310495 2011-09-27T12:20:35-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 roadscum http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=7712

@ Mr spy, yes, the couples therapy, marriage guidance we used to call it here, give it a go, it's not a magic wand but it can help sometimes. By crikey there's a lot of miserable grimness around ...

By crikey there's a lot of miserable grimness around here at the moment, must be something to do with the turn in the year, beginning the long wind down to winter or something. Hang on there people, just hang on, shit comes but shit does eventually go too, you just need to hold on long enough. I really wish there was more i could do to help you chaps, i suppose this will have to do.

Anyway, grimness aside, it looks like the 14 and 42 thing may be turning into a project of sorts. If it does i can only hope there is more pie of a quality matching that of the first.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310497#Comment_310497 2011-09-27T12:46:33-07:00 2011-09-27T12:48:17-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

@government spy - I've never gone through a rehab experience of a significant other WHILE I was dating them, but I've dated a number of people who went into rehab, either after dating me, or prior ...

I've never gone through a rehab experience of a significant other WHILE I was dating them, but I've dated a number of people who went into rehab, either after dating me, or prior to. As was said by others, the fact that SHE acknowledges that there is a problem is the most important part. I've known two people who ended up going to jail due to heroin related crimes, and while it was a hellish experience, both are slight shades of grateful for the experience because they'd clearly hit rock bottom and it was the only way at that point for them to get clean and start their lives from scratch, and both are fabulous people who are doing well years after the fact. I'd another friend whose parents found him OD'd, and briskly sent him to the other side of the country into an 18 month program where he was shut off from the outside world completely. He didn't want to go, but he did get clean - however, he's the least stable of all the post rehab people I know, and I think it's because he never really accepted fully that he needed to be there.

Being a supportive person but doing more harm than good is something I understand. I'd a friend who would drive into terrible niehborhoods to get heroin, and she was up to a bundle a day. It was a terrible problem. But I sometimes dabbled, due to pain. Vicodin, morphine, heroin, whatever. She'd ask me if I wanted to go with her for a ride, and each time I'd say "you know I have to say this, but it's not good, this is a bad thing, and you really shouldn't. But sure, I'll go." I didn't want her to be alone. I didn't want her to go down such a dark path all by herself. But I wasn't helping. I was just making her addiction seem more within the realm of being socially acceptable. After a while she started to avoid me, because she knew that I KNEW what was going on, and that I'd be able to tell how out of control she was more than just about anyone else in her life. I don't know what the exact trigger was, but she got herself into a program and got herself clean.

The problem is, alcohol is the hardest of them all. It's the scariest of addictions. It's the only drug that will shut your body down during detox if you quit cold turkey. It's the only drug that is at every wedding, every celebration. And if you really want to support her, and if you really want her to be clean, and if you really want to continue your relationship with her, you'll have to stop all drinking in the home you share. Clean out every source of alcohol, every mouthwash, every cooking extract.

Honestly, if you want to be a truly supportive partner and get through this together, you'll stop drinking along side of her. It's difficult to be a non-drinking person in our society, and it will help her feel less like a freak if, when you go out together, you BOTH refrain from drinking. Not drinking can become a very isolating experience. I say this as a person who realized that I probably shouldn't drink, and didn't have a drop for three years. When I began to drink again every so often, it was difficult for my best friend who'd relied on me as the one other non-drinking person he had in his life, and I regret doing so. If you both go dry together, it's more likely that you'll strengthen your relationship and associate each other with support and a united front against the terrible world outside.

Especially because, every ex-junkie I know, and that's.... seven or eight? They all drink socially now. ALL OF THEM. Drinking is the hardest one to stay clean from. So again, the BEST thing you can do is to go through it with her, and be her non-drinking compatriot, even when you aren't together.

That's my two cents at least.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310498#Comment_310498 2011-09-27T12:47:36-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 JP Carpenter http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2485

@Rachael - that really sucks, I hope it works out for you and you don't have to drop out because the system is too stupid and inflexible to work for you. Also hope you get somewhere great to live ...

@GovSpy - so sorry to hear. Just hope it turns out for the best. I've not had a partner or loved one with that kind of problem but two close friends have had similar battles with drink and it's painful to watch. There is the guilt aspect as well - in both cases, I had been along for the ride as an enthusiastic fellow traveller for a long time but knew when to stop and was able to pull back when I could see the damage that alcohol was doing to me and to my relationships and to my career (although I still worry about any long term damage I might have done). One friend is now dry, and has been for nearly two years. His wake up call was the last time I saw him drunk, when I'd put up with two days of abusive ranting from him and couldn't take any more and walked out. I left him in a pool of his own vomit in a scene that looked like something from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - felt very bad for doing it but it was the final straw after several years of it getting worse and worse to the point where I dreaded going to see him and couldn't bear to watch it any more. When we met again this year after 18 months of not seeing him, he told me he'd come close to death at that point, damaging his pancreas very badly and needing weeks of treatment - it made me feel very bad for running out on him, but we both said sorry to each other and fixed things. He swears drink has gone from his life and I believe him.

My other friend is still struggling and I've sadly lost contact - I know he's been in and out of rehab and when he can stick to AA meetings he gets by. I think people have to really acknowledge that they have a problem before they can deal with it, as Oldhat says, and sometimes that comes through a shock or upheaval that prompts drastic action - and accident or ultimatum. Really hope your girfriend gets the help she needs and that you're able to get through it yourself.

The recommendation for couples therapy is a good one I'd say - I went through a bad patch in my relationship a few years back, through unreasonable behaviour on both sides and we had counselling, I'd credit that as going a long way towards saving our partnership - and every day I thank the stars it did. Equally, I guess, it can help if it's not salvageable, which I hope isn't true.

In any case, best of luck to you both.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310571#Comment_310571 2011-09-27T22:15:12-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 Fishelle http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8854

@government spy Jeez. I'm sorry this is something you have to go through. And I really hope that your girlfriend gets the help she needs in rehab, and she can get better. Though I don't have much ...

Jeez. I'm sorry this is something you have to go through. And I really hope that your girlfriend gets the help she needs in rehab, and she can get better.

Though I don't have much to add really, I have to second what Rachæl said. If there's something you shouldn't do but want to, saying no becomes pretty much impossible when the person you're closest to is doing it.

It's hard not to be an enabler. The one boy I've dated was a recovering alcoholic, and he still would drink on occasion. I never did manage to figure out what to do other than love him anyway. So I'm afraid I can't be of much help.

Good luck.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310591#Comment_310591 2011-09-28T02:53:47-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 nelzbub http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=10569

Hello, folks I'm new to joining in with this thread but have often observed in silence and with sympathy the varied woes you all go through. So here's wishing you all the best with your troubles. ...

but more specifically
@GovSpy- my sympathies for your situation sir.
I'm unsure if there is much I can add to the sound advice already given above.
From my own knowledge of issues surrounding addiction I think that you cannot over emphasise how important it is that the decision to seek help/realisation that help is needed, comes from the
addict themselves. No amount of will from others will make a difference if the will is not there on the part of the addict. It sounds as if this may be the case in your situation, and in my mind
this is one of the most vital steps. That is at least one positive to hold on to.
I really must second the above regarding changes in your own behaviour. If you are going to be there for her, you will need to join her in an alcohol free life. It is impossible to hope for
success if there is alcohol in the house.

My flatmate is a "functional" alcoholic (laughable concept, i know). In recent months I had high hopes for an improvement in his life. He had been taken on as an apprentice carpenter and was feeling very positive about everything, working hard and drinking less. Unfortunately lately it seems that he is on another slide into chaos and I am dreading him pulling the same old self destructive shit that he's done so many times before. He already owes me five weeks rent, and while i'm working twenty eight, minimum wage shifts this month and barely clearing my overheads, it seems my mate is missing about half of his working days because he's spent the previous night on a pointless piss up. Frustrating. At what point do I just call 'Fuck it' and kick him out?]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310592#Comment_310592 2011-09-28T02:54:25-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 nelzbub http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=10569

And while we're on the subject of addictions; @ flecky: Reading of your battles to get free of the methadone has been a real motivation for me signing up to this site, really just to congratulate ...

@ flecky: Reading of your battles to get free of the methadone has been a real motivation for me signing up to this site, really just to congratulate you on every day that you put that shit
behind you, stay strong mate, things will get better.
My own experience with methadone treatment programmes is from a different angle but it's a subject that never fails to get my blood boiling so I hope you'll forgive me for having a little rant.
Many years ago while living in glasgow I worked as a volounteer an a drugs education project.It was quite unique for the time in that its emphasis was on harm reduction and provision of accurate,
judgment free information for young people in the then growing rave scene. I was proud of the work we did and was frequently surprised at the positive response our approach would, privately, get
from senior police and political figures. Naively I hoped that this might lead to some actual change in policies but it did not take too long for my cynicism to grow.
Within the headquarters of our project there was a much larger drop-in and residential methadone treatment centre and my experience of this led me to believe that these programmes are one of the
most destuctive and harmful policies in a long history of short sighted, fear driven drug legislation.
Now these were some pretty rough times for hard drug users in Glasgow, with hospital wards full of double and triple amputees, all related to IV drug use and so any step to improve the situation
had to be one in the right direction. Providing clean needles to users along with useful harm reduction information seemed to me a no-brainer, but the more i saw of methadone treatment programmes
the less i was sure of their inherent worth.
To illustrate; the patients on the drop-in programme had a booming trade in sick-meth. This was where they would take their dose at the clinic, go round the corner and vomit it up to sell on so
that they could go and buy the drug they really wanted.
Then there were the residential patients, who were there either by court order or because they were brave enough to seek help with their addiction, and were 'treated' with a substance that is more
physically damaging and more addictive than the heroin that had already messed up there lives so much. I could never make sense of this. Was it merely because methadone has none of the so called
pleasant effects of heroin and if that was the case were these people being made to suffer because some politicians didn't want to look like they were being nice to junkies? Sadly it would seem
that this was the case.
At this time I was doing lots of reading on the subject and found out about a trial by a doctor in the liverpool/manchester area where registered addicts would be treated with medical diamorphine
within a controlled, clean and supportive environment. This allowed most of the patients to stabilise their lives to the point where many of them were able to begin seeking work and otherwise
making huge life improving changes. A side effect of this was that during the period of the trial, inciences of drug related crime fell measurably throughout the area. To me this seems like
something that works to the benefit of everyone and ahould have been rolled out nationally, but what happened? After a surge of politically led media outrage funding was withdrawn and the status
quo resumed.
And this political venality is what really led me to realise the futility trying to change the world with common sense. Any time a politician is brave enough to stand up and speak truthfully about
drug policy they are hounded out by politicians and the media pandering to a court of public opinion that they are too afraid to offend. For instance I recall one MP being profoundly ridiculed a
few years ago for making the, in my mind very sensible, suggestion that since we already had our army there, we may be as well solving the worldwide shortage of medical diamorphine by buying up the
entire Afghan opium harvest; solving the shortage while at the same time giving a much needed income to the hard pressed subsistance farmers of afghanistan who are forced by basic economics to grow
the poppy.
The response the man got, you'd have thought he just shat on the despatch box and while i'm not certain, I doubt he's still in politics today. And it was then it became clear to me that while
change is inevitable, it will never happen at the pace that I believe it should. It's a generational thing, a matter of waiting for the old bastards in politics and the media, too set in their
realities, to die off and for a new generation or perhaps the next one to realise that we have lost the war on drugs, admit it was a stupid idea in the first place, and then approach the whole
thing afresh from a different perspective, perhaps like rational adults this time.
The casualties of the war on drugs are frightening in their numbers and Flecky, as one of the many walking (or hobbling!) wounded of that conflict, I salute you for having the strength to fight
and win your battles
I myself have led a strange, wandering existence since those days which have led me to where i am today, selling weed in an amsterdam coffeeshop. I like to think that my work makes folk happy and
does little harm but there are many (including some of my family) who feel there is something profoundly wrong with what i do. I'm morally at ease with it myself but can understand their stance.
I've just seen how long this rant has gone on! sorry, it's a subject i get carried away with. Apologies too for any poor spelling/grammar it,s been years since i've written this much in one
sitting. Cosider my spleen thoroughly vented. cheers and once again I wish all of you all the best with your worries.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310613#Comment_310613 2011-09-28T09:56:20-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 government spy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6088

@Everyone I can't thank you guys enough for your support. There's a very short list of people near me physically that I can turn to for a good shoulder at the moment. Only a few people know ...

I can't thank you guys enough for your support. There's a very short list of people near me physically that I can turn to for a good shoulder at the moment. Only a few people know she's in detox right now, and I'm not willing to break confidentiality just yet.

Well, as of last night she's in. It's a 30 day program, voluntary, and she can come home at any time. I have to go to a family orientation tonight, she can call me tomorrow night, and I can visit her on Saturday.

I'm friends with her boss, and her job's safe for at least the next month. They're a bit of a family, and they just want her to be ok too.

I'm definitely going to quit drinking within the next couple days. I started my "vacation" just this past weekend, I took a week off for my own mental health, just to have a bout 10 days (my schedule just worked out where my weekends bunched up in just the right way) of not having to work at the prison. I figured I could use a few days without any stress. Then everything exploded in my face. I had recently switched to being on a midnight (11pm-7am) shift, which is how this all got started. Basically, I was home very minute that she was; and I saw her behavior up and close, with no room to hide anything.

Luckily, that means now with time off, I can actually help her through this a bit, visit & stuff, without worrying about my job this week. After Monday, thing's will get a little tougher, especially since it's an hour bus ride to the hospital, and I've already asked too much of friends with cars.

I'd like to think I don't have a drinking problem, but I've been drinking like I've been on vacation this week, not getting drunk, but you know what I mean. And now I realize I have to give that up. We literally live a block from my favorite bar. And my neighborhood convenience store carries my favorite hard cider now because I requested it. It's so easy to drink here.

Well, she's got around 30 days to clean up, I know I can quit overnight, it's just a little hard to do.

Again, I can't thank everyone in our little community enough. You're my own twisted support group. If any of you ever need advice about how to survive in prison, I'm your man. I'll be like those guys in the 25th Hour.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310620#Comment_310620 2011-09-28T10:42:08-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

Because of the music festival in nearby Asbury Park, I'd asked my family if I could PAY and rent the usually empty and unused house on the Jersey Shore that they own for the first weekend of October. ...

I used to live in the tiny apartment in the back of the house in the summer, and the main part of the house in the winter. They kicked me out for no real reason with a month of notice three years ago. Seems they changed the keys, too.

A few weeks ago, I finally got an answer: yes, and that they'd not charge me. Great! I solidified the tentative invites I'd given to friends, and started my own inner plans. But now, days before hand, I am told that I'm only to use the tiny back apartment. They've rented out the house to someone else, and I'm not allowed in.

...... y'know. My family.... I try to be responsible and not the mooch that they think I am, and.... fuck.

@government spy - don't be too confident about your ability to quit overnight. It might help you to understand what she is going through if you quit when she does. You'll be more on the same page of getting used to the lifestyle when she emerges, and it'd help for it to be your new normal as much as possible by that point. You're going to have to reset all your associations - what you grab when you go shopping, what you suggest to do with friends, how to celebrate, where you stop on your way home from work, etc. There is a real possibility that you've picked up a lot of her lifestyle, and even if you aren't an addict yourself, you've been living with those patterns for a long time, and that's difficult to break.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310621#Comment_310621 2011-09-28T10:42:44-07:00 2011-09-28T10:44:13-07:00 phill_sea http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1859

@Gov't Spy Echoing Rachael, my personal experience also says that, even when you know you can quit overnight, it's best to ease out of things, especially Alcohol. Sorry for the unsolicited $00.02

Echoing Rachael, my personal experience also says that, even when you know you can quit overnight, it's best to ease out of things, especially Alcohol.

Sorry for the unsolicited $00.02]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310622#Comment_310622 2011-09-28T11:07:31-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 trini_naenae http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=183

@nelzbub: Kick him out. He's not going to get better until he has to, and so far he hasn't had to. Also, you need a flatmate who is going to actually pay rent.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310627#Comment_310627 2011-09-28T12:00:23-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 oddbill http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4272

@government spy - to counterbalance what has been said, easing out of things has never worked for me. Cold turkey is the only thing that works. I have trouble for a few days as my brain wants me to ...

Any time I've tried to gradually wean myself from something, it just is an excuse to stay in at a low level until some later time that I don't care as much, and end up diving back in full force.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310660#Comment_310660 2011-09-28T17:54:16-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

I agree with Odddbill. The only good things about my genetics are: looking about ten years my junior, and not having the addiction gene. I do suffer from habituation, though, and have OCD issues, ...

The only good things about my genetics are: looking about ten years my junior, and not having the addiction gene. I do suffer from habituation, though, and have OCD issues, so quitting anything tends to make my brain go into overdrive. If I buy a box of cookies, I eat them til they are gone, regardless of how ill I feel. If I start drinking, I keep drinking until I need to pass out. If I buy a pack of cigarettes, I smoke the pack in less than two days. Moderation is not something I, personally, can handle with most things, even though I've never had an addiction in the true sense. I did not smoke for over a year, by quitting cold turkey while living with a 2 pack a day smoker. (spite is a wonderful inspiration)

Especially with drinking, easing into not drinking so much, well, that's not really the experience that your significant other is going through, nor will ever be a reality that she will be lucky enough to live. If you want to be on the same page as she, quitting cold turkey is the way to go. A binary outlook like that doesn't leave dangerous wiggle room for that slippery slope of justifications and whatnot.

But here's the awesome part: When you stop drinking, the more you engage with drunkards, the less you want to EVER DRINK AGAIN. That cab ride home at 5 am with your bartender friend isn't a fun adventure, it's annoying as he tells you the same story for the fifth time.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310670#Comment_310670 2011-09-28T19:48:29-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 brittanica http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2296

To everyone: The current topic is one I have absolutely no experience in; I've lived a fairly sheltered life around people who, at worst, have a glass of wine everyday. And I don't drink, because ...

I had a good cry after my post last week, then I sucked it up and enjoyed the hell out of walking around downtown Nashville before rocking out to Elvis Costello. An Australian lady in the pew behind me asked me if I enjoyed myself as we were all exiting the Ryman. I may have been the only person in my section standing up and screaming and dancing and knowing when to actually sing along (as if the house lights going up weren't enough help) most of the whole show. I guess I can't expect too much out of people 20+ years older than me... I was kinda bummed that all the people EC pulled on stage to spin the wheel were from the very front. Can't help but feel like I deserved it more, but what do you do.
Until tomorrow, we have maybe a dollar in the bank. I'm not as depressed about it right now as I usually am. I got to see a friend I used to work w/ today, and we watched Doctor Who and ate Pizza Rolls and she did a Mary Kay makeover on my face. She just started selling, so I was her first guinea pig. I actually like it. I wear absolutely no makeup ever. Out of laziness, mostly... If we ever get extra money again, I might buy some stuff from her. I felt so underdressed when I got home, I put on a skirt, one of the two I own.
I want to take pride in how I look. I really do. But I self-sabotage that all the time; I eat shit food and down unnerving amounts of soda, I give in to t-shirt-and-jeans uniform after I take off my dickies-and-baker's-shirt uniform from work, I spend as little money as possible on toiletries and other such products.
(Of course, the fella just got home and said, "Well, you look like you have make-up on. I don't know what you want me to say." He doesn't like make-up. He wrote a song about how he doesn't like girls that wear make-up. That's what I get for being optimistic and feeling good about myself just a little bit. And I got paid and that leave us barely enough money for gas after rent, and I think I give up trying to be happy now.)]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310673#Comment_310673 2011-09-28T21:05:26-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 trini_naenae http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=183

@Brittanica: I'm rolling my eyes at the fella. He might not like makeup, but that doesn't mean he has the right to dictate anyone else's use of it. You were having a good time with a friend, and ...

@govspy: That said, I would echo anyone who says that if you're going to be with a recovering alcoholic, no more booze is the rule for both of you. And Rachel's right, drunks really are annoying.

As for me, I'm working harder on finding ways to get more hours at work and am back to looking for cheap apartments that might be available. Okcupid seems to be working ok. I've decided that either I can stay with my parents and go to therapy, or do my best to do something about some of the things that make me feel shitty. I might not be able to get my art mojo back now, or start selling prints online, but at least I can find an apartment to rent, and find out what living on my own is like instead of putting it off because I'm afraid I'll fuck it up. And if it means I become an expert ramen noodle chef, and wear five layers to bed, so be it.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310697#Comment_310697 2011-09-29T04:51:19-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 flecky http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8949

If my laptop frrezzez or whetever happens i will scream into the void.Pure existential horror when that happens as it takes me fookin' ages to tap my shit in. @ eveyone. Wow.Gosh.I really don't ...

@ eveyone. Wow.Gosh.I really don't know where to start.Giving advice can be a real dangerous thing.People tend to project their own experience and if they don't keep themselves in check they can turn into awful judgemental twats.This i know. I have been at the brunt of it all this year. I got major resentment's going with folk from NA telling me i should go to City Rds treatment centre in London city..that i should do this day programme..that i should go to this rehab and I even felt like one ok bloke was telling me i should get fooking nicked and do a cold turkey in prison.Fuck sake..

@ government spy.shit mate shit.Ok..i'm a "garbage head". I've been abusing(and lots of the time loving) everything i could get my mitts on from about the age of 11.I did a hardcore rehab at the age of 20.I am now 47. This was in 1985.I was utterly fucked going there on the train.All i had was blood spots on my crap jeans.My only comforting thought was how much a hit of heroin would be when i did a year there.
Yet before that i did a short detox in a insane asylum in the north of england.There was none of the support avalable then that there is now.Fuck all.Before that and during my teens i loved booze.Because of society and mates and family it almost felt mandatory.If i wasn't on the smack i was getting pissed and thought "well... this is ok..pubs everywhere..good mates from school drinking and not getting into a state"
I was the only smackhead in the unit..as most addicts we think we are the centre of the multiverse.My eyes opened in detox.People came in having fits on hard tiled floors..smashing their skulls open,pissing their kidneys out,shitting blood.

As some people have stated booze is the bitch of the bunch.Doing a cold turkey from it can kill.Like barbituates(i was addicted to them for a while)..benzodiapines..all very dangerous to just stop.Opiates..yes..yet you run the chance of going insane and just becoming unfuctionable.And what's the point in that?
Cut to the chase..two years after doing encounter groups.one on one talking.having a laugh ..i thought im cured.I had it all..was a teacher,worked with the elderly,was working in a probation day centre,did voluntary work with kids at a after school thing in the roughest parts of Newcastle,had a girl who i loved and will never forget..yet my favourite job was working in this really cool indy bar and fuck did i drink..lock ins drinking mad concoctions of spirits..this led me to relapse on the smack,lose everything and just go back to self destruct.
I've lost so many cool people..at the moment one of my best,intelligent friends is killing himself with the booze.I tried my best to help him stop drinking earlier this year..whilst detoxing myself i got all the meds .got him to stay at mine(he was pissing himself etc).And did it work..did it fuck.He went back to his woman who i have a major resentment against.Basically she used to play me and we used together..I started to hate my best mate because he didn't stop drinking.Now i see this as a personal defect of mine.I can meet him while he drinks on park benches etc.

I have had to ban the drink from my flat..people have slowly got the message and don't come round.I have had to give up hanging with other best friends.Educated folk who drink constantly.I love some of them but fuck at times i wan't them dead!
I can't drink social style..if i crack a bottle of Jack D (which i fookin' love) next thing i know i've got a crack pipe in my mouth,smack on the foil and the urge to have sex with a prostitute(which i fookin' love)..all bad shit.

I dont believe i've ever seen a relationship survive where one drinks and the other doesn't.Not one.Even when both stop drinking there is something going on that leads to shit.Got to have a fag and coffee. Back soon.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310698#Comment_310698 2011-09-29T05:36:20-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 flecky http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8949

God damn the weather is weird.Strange shit going on in the heart of the sun. @ nelz bub: Thanks loads for your words of support.I will read yours..and eveyones posts again. Fook..my grammer is ...

@ nelz bub: Thanks loads for your words of support.I will read yours..and eveyones posts again.

Fook..my grammer is terrible.The embarassment i feel when trying to edit some of my short stories.I feel so stupid yet look to other authors like burroughs for inspiration.
Damn..my head just started pounding..reliving what i just posted and this detox are probably the main offendors..

I'm down to 4mgs of suboxone which has a receptor blocker in it which i'm sure is laying metal mind lice into me rancid brain

Going to pop into a AA meeting over the road from where i live in Shepherds Bush, London, in a bit. All this talk of booze has got me in the mood to share my particular brand of psycho shit..getting a rep as a nutta in NA.. which the pervert in me gets off on.

Trying to do step fookin' two on paper but found myself watchin Babylon 5 season 3 and readin Joe the barbarian instead...
Music has been so helpful when sick..from Brian Eno,Big Black, Neu,Sonic Youth etc to mad soundtracks from films.. it's all good shit.

I will return o faithful Whitechapel..your all i got baby!!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310723#Comment_310723 2011-09-29T10:22:42-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

@ flecky - watching Babylon 5 is fabulous escapist therapy, I must say.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310736#Comment_310736 2011-09-29T13:41:39-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 allana http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4019

@britannica, super cute skirt! (from the self-portrait thread). You say you don't wear makeup much, so I'm going to say some things that are super redundant: Most men don't know what they like. When ...

You should probably also mention to your boyfriend how much it sucks that he rained on your free-makeup parade. I don't care if he genuinely didn't like it; he could've been funny about it, at least.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310738#Comment_310738 2011-09-29T13:47:52-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 VertigoJones http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4512

My eyes are buggered. For the second night in a row, I've come home and found my eyes start spasming if I try looking at a monitor too hard, or drawing on paper, or reading. This is making my eyes ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310747#Comment_310747 2011-09-29T16:00:47-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 flecky http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8949

@ allana: You are so right. Us men are full of it.When we see a false tanned,thick layed foundation faced lip stick smudged messy eye lined women we go "uggh...horrible painted sad whore. give ...

And then when we see a woman with no make up on who we've had a agenda for and chat to them and notice they have a tiny zit we go all"uggh..squeeze that fucker!"

I'm not talking about every man though.

I am Judge Dredd and a bit of a pratt.

Saying that i am a victim to vanity at times which is ok

I pluck rogue eye lashes..horrible nose hairs..weird grey things growing from ears..

God..i just remembered the mutated horror of puberty.Hours in front of mirrors popping spots and coils of white cheese pustule matter splattered on fingers.Bloody little volcanos on me forhead with a liitle egg on the top.

Fuck what people think i look like..
At the moment i am letting myself go a bit..not shaving..wearing shit clothes with food stains on..dirty old converse low tops..armpits stink of cheap cider and vinegar.
It's all because of my masterplan..i am testing people and taking mental note when they judge me.

It's a social experiment as i am writing about insanity as a part of step two of the twelve step programme.

Saying that i think i will have a bath and a shave tomorrow as i fooking stink!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310751#Comment_310751 2011-09-29T16:30:31-07:00 2011-09-29T16:31:40-07:00 tedcroland http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2106

@GovSpy I always feel stupid trying to come up with something to say when I simply mean "hope it turns out." I don't have much in the way of advice, but we got your back here man. If ...

I always feel stupid trying to come up with something to say when I simply mean "hope it turns out." I don't have much in the way of advice, but we got your back here man. If there's anything being on WC for this long has taught me, it's that internet friends can be as real (occasionally more) than real life people. Words can mean a lot, identifying with someone can mean a lot, knowing there is a tangible, external world that wants you in it can mean a lot. We're from all over the place, but we want you here and we want your life to be cool. There are few better platforms for your troubles than this thread right here. Good luck, man.

@flecky

Goes for you too man. you're clearly a smart dude who's had a fucked up life, and no one here wants to judge you for it. It's fantastic that you've been spilling your guts here, I feel, and I really hope it's helped you cope with some of your demons that have been floating around your circumstance. Godspeed, sir.

@Trini

As someone who waited too long to "fly the coop," I can say that there is a certain moral standing to just doing it, regardless of the fears of fucking it up. Honestly, it's not hard. You know how to balance a checkbook and wash dishes and you can basically do it. What I'm trying to say is I really doubt you'll "fuck it up." I think you're smarter than me and I can do it. Just expect to be kind of poor.

@Britannica

Poorness is a bitch, but there are two sides for it. You'll get to the other side, for sure. Apart from that, your fella sounds like he was kind of being an asshole. By the sound of it, I don't think he meant to be, but sometimes people are assholes like that. Ignore his reaction. Sounds like you were exerting awesomeness and you shouldn't feel bad about that. BE AWESOME INSTEAD! :D (Sorry if that's not my business. I would have reacted differently, is all; I think it's more important to be happy for someone who is happy than it is to be unenthusiastic for no good reason. I've dealt with the latter a lot and it's a pretty shitty way to be. Why discourage?)

The first part of this post was both genuine and sinister. I've been thinking a lot about reassurance, and how we each have feedback systems for it in ourselves. I've also been thinking a lot about the objective external world (fucking philosophy majors, right?). This thread is an incredible testament to both the objective state of moral principles and the subjective state of moral codification. I like to think of a semi-nihilism on this point, where the moral principle is absolutely objective: the goal of having a moral code is and should be the same, always, or can be reduced to the same, few, objective items (freedom from suffering, propagation of life, advancement and preservation of society & culture), but the mean moral codes are subjective so as to accommodate for experiential reality, point of view, evaluation, empathy and social influence.

Blah Blah Blah.

Back to reassurance. There are a few ways we can know there is an outside world. Not that they are absolute proofs, but they are simple ways that we can empathically connect with an outside consciousness and understand that we are part of the larger whole of the hierarchy of life on Earth. Sex achieves this in a pretty direct way. But I don't think we should fuck a cow to know it feels pain when we kill it for meat and leather.

This thread is a testament to my point. We all get trapped in ourselves from time to time, and this is where we spill it out. Here we find people that need the same thing. Perhaps different personal reasons, but the same impulse pulls us here, makes us want to interact and reassure each other that there are other people who have problems and pain and happiness just like "I" do. For the luckier of us, like myself, it underscores that there are people who definitely have it worse, and lets us put our problems in perspective. Makes them easier to deal with. For the less lucky of us, we have each other to talk to and get it out of our heads.

Shit! I have to get ready for school. I've been kind of wallowing a bit lately. Always makes me feel grubby, and I don't want to go out in public feeling this grubby.

Godspeed to you all; I don't think Jesus was a real person but I kind of look like the popular depiction of him and I love you all so that will have to do. Not much, but better than nothing, I hope.

(Edited for syntax)]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310754#Comment_310754 2011-09-29T16:50:39-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 brittanica http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2296

Re: the fella. I'm pretty sure he's not just posturing w/ the whole "I don't like make-up" thing. If there's one thing he hates, it's dishonesty. And I did talk to him about it after I had ...

I don't take more pride in my appearance out of laziness, mostly. I don't see me getting gussied up more until I take care whatever it is that makes me not want to do ANYTHING.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310755#Comment_310755 2011-09-29T17:08:02-07:00 2011-09-29T17:45:55-07:00 oldhat http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=75

Trini - Do it! Move out! Tell me what it's like in that wonderful world! I've been sick and have spent the last two days in bed watching Dallas, Star Trek (the movies and episodes) and Malcolm ...

I've been sick and have spent the last two days in bed watching Dallas, Star Trek (the movies and episodes) and Malcolm Fucking Tucker. I've also been worried about the Pumpkin Beer that I'm making this weekend, but either way, it's an experience so I can't worry that much about fucking up.

In a few weeks I'll be starting an internship at a music company, sort of doing part A&R work along with contacting production companies to use music in their productions. I...don't really know how I feel about this, as the last time I tried something similar I was contacting productions to use only the music that we already had which...really took the fun out of it, as I was hoping to discover new music (and the music available was beyond craptastic). But oh well! It's an unpaid internship, only two days a week and I still get to keep my regular day job of writing bios and press releases for the other three days. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out and I leave. Best case, it leads to a job with an income I can survive on and will allow me to hopefully get a studio apartment (some cheap ones came up recently that are kind of exciting me a bit). Another perk is that I think it's office formal dresswear there, so I can bust out the 80s powersuit.

The financial inheritance from my grandfather came in (essentially it was the money from selling the house split 50/50 between my father and his brother. I'm getting $1000 of it which...is nice. I'm making myself not touch this one unless it's for something special, like going to an apartment or a plane to England (I miss my family terribly).

Depression has been mostly absent. I mean, I'm starting to miss physical affection like cuddles and stuff, but otherwise I'm pretty fine with being single at the moment. Still going through that whole "AH WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING" state of mind that I think we all deal with, where I just pray that no one points out that I have no fucking clue what I'm doing.

Life, eh?]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310756#Comment_310756 2011-09-29T17:13:02-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 taphead http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2284

Today we had to euthanise one of the cats. 9 years old, and the friendliest, most gorgeous little lady there ever was. RIP, Sintti. Take care, Chaplains.

Take care, Chaplains.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310767#Comment_310767 2011-09-29T18:47:49-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 allana http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4019

@britannica, I'll say one more thing and then I'll shut up. "He was kinda hurt that I felt like I had to cover myself up when he's always thought I'm beautiful. And I can respect that; I ...

"He was kinda hurt that I felt like I had to cover myself up when he's always thought I'm beautiful. And I can respect that; I know I have a lot of self-esteem issues but if there's any other person's opinion on me that should matter, it'd be his."

He doesn't really have the right to be hurt. There are nice things that people do for each other ("I hate shaving every morning, but the girlfriend likes it") because they love each other -- and then there are self-esteem issues. If you want to look better for you because it'll bring you up emotionally, he has the right to be 100% completely whole-heartedly in support and give you helpful suggestions and constructive criticism about what he likes and what you could do more often (and you have the right to ignore those suggestions at your will). I know relationships are partnerships wherein people belong to each other both in mind AND body, but if you're working to dispel lethargy and melancholy, you're going to have to be prepared to step on some toes, and he's going to have to be prepared to see things in that context and love you anyways.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310772#Comment_310772 2011-09-29T19:02:10-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 oddbill http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4272

@britannica - yes, what Allana is saying. He has no right to be hurt. What he's done is use a kind of emotional blackmail to exert control over how you present yourself. He just doesn't have the ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310776#Comment_310776 2011-09-29T19:22:26-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 dorkmuffin http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6719

@Britt (because this is basically the only place I have any frame of reference. @GovSpy, I'm so out of my depth with anything you're going through, just hang in there...) It's fine if he voices ...

(because this is basically the only place I have any frame of reference. @GovSpy, I'm so out of my depth with anything you're going through, just hang in there...)

It's fine if he voices a preference, but guilting you is bullshit. Makeup? It's a change of pace. I prefer myself make-up free myself, as does my fella, but sometimes it's fun to throw on a little make-up.

Also, let's be honest. Make-up, when used at its best, is not a lie. It's not covering up your blemishes, it's drawing attention to the things you like best about yourself. For most women, that's eyes/lips. I also definitely agree with Allana on the "men don't dislike make-up, they dislike obvious make-up" point. You can wear make-up in such a way that it doesn't look like you're wearing make-up. My attempt at this is just a simple swipe of mascara. That's almost all of the make-up I wear on any given day (and often I'm even too lazy for that), and there are some mascaras that don't clump and that mimic your natural eyelashes. I'm a big fan of the Almay ones because they're hypoallergenic too.

Make-up, for me, is going, "FUCK YES. I LIKE MY EYES. I LIKE MY LIPS. LOOK AT THEM."

Re: the boyfriend's stance: Fuck him. I understand there's a lot we don't know here about the particulars of your relationship, plus we're only looking at a single instance of it. HOWEVER. NO boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever should dictate how you choose to present yourself. Your choice. If you want to hang out with friends and wear a little eyeliner while you're at it, then that's fucking awesome.

Make-up is not dishonest. It's just a change of pace.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310777#Comment_310777 2011-09-29T19:27:26-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 tedcroland http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2106

@Brittanica Sorry if I made you feel like you had to jump to his defense! I was trying to lightly comment, and I fear my verbosity made my comment more judgmental than I had intended. The last ...

Sorry if I made you feel like you had to jump to his defense! I was trying to lightly comment, and I fear my verbosity made my comment more judgmental than I had intended. The last thing I want is for people to feel like they can't say what they want here because some asshole (me) will give some unwarranted comment. My point was that while he may have been attempting honesty, if your honesty's only purpose is to tear something down, it's better to focus on the circumstances rather than the principles. There's still honesty there: being happy because someone else is happy. Better honesty.

That being said, it's your business and taking issue with his position when the only things I'm going to know about it are from your (rightful) expository posts. You shouldn't have to explain his position to us further than you like to. If the two of you work it out, great! I don't want to tell you why you should or should not be mad.

How's about this: Feel awesome because you like the way you looked, and feel awesome because yer dude thinks you do even when you don't think you do (bad syntax for clarity :P).]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310778#Comment_310778 2011-09-29T19:29:39-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 oldhat http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=75

@Britt yeah, there's nothing I can add that Allana and Dork haven't said already. Makeup IS a change of pace and quite useful in bringing out features that you already have. And hell, if it makes ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310793#Comment_310793 2011-09-30T00:31:30-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 oddbill http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4272

Trying to navigate the wanderlust thing with the not-wanting-to-succumb-to-a-cliched-mid-life-crisis thing. There is a world and I am in it. I've only got maybe 40 more years to move about. It ...

There is a world and I am in it. I've only got maybe 40 more years to move about. It doesn't sound like a whole hell of a lot of time.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310796#Comment_310796 2011-09-30T01:16:02-07:00 2011-09-30T01:16:53-07:00 Alan Tyson http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1299

I'm getting very, very sick of having the same phone conversation over and over again.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310797#Comment_310797 2011-09-30T01:24:50-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 flecky http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8949

Hey..good day to you all. @everyone: I can't thank you enough for just being genuine,honest and sincere. I was listening to a piece of music by Eno a few hours back which always opens the ...

@everyone: I can't thank you enough for just being genuine,honest and sincere. I was listening to a piece of music by Eno a few hours back which always opens the floodgates of tears and i was sobbing reading your posts.Good stuff for me as i need to whinge and cry to relieve the torment i am going through with my detox.

I had to compose a care plan with my keyworker at the treatment centre i go to in North End Road in Fulham,London Toon.I actually included Whitechapel in it.He looked at me,smiling,as he had no idea what the fook i was going on about.Reckon the fooka needs a good dose of Uncle Warrens mental fiction.

@oddbill: Being a 47 year old degenerate pervert who falls in love every ten minutes really takes it out o me. If i see a woman without a hat on i have to fight the urge to run to the nearest toilet to knock one out.Fooksake...as Roger(?) said in Dawn of The Dead "I don't want to be walking around like..THAT!"

@taphead: me feel for you as i love animals.I'm sure wee Sintti is playing around,dancing merrily at a cool cat rave on the edge of time..

Got to split as i have some NA related dodgy shit to sort out..sigh..

Flame on motherfookaZ!!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310814#Comment_310814 2011-09-30T08:05:21-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 Sonny http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1167

FUCKING MERGE ONTO THE FREEWAY AT THE SAME SPEED AS TRAFFIC.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10234&Focus=310871#Comment_310871 2011-09-30T15:28:32-07:00 2013-06-18T15:57:57-07:00 roadscum http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=7712

@ Sonny: I feel your pain! The last couple of days have been insanely hot and sunny and i have been stuck in a big tin box on wheels delivering pallets of dildos to pervy tat shops. I am baked, i ...

The last couple of days have been insanely hot and sunny and i have been stuck in a big tin box on wheels delivering pallets of dildos to pervy tat shops. I am baked, i am boiled and i have had about ten hours sleep in the last two days, which is not enough. I don't care how nice the weather is tomorrow, i'm sleeping till lunchtime. Fine though it is, i am sure this weather is a harbinger of the end of the world, we are DOOMED! (eventually). Hopefully i have enough time to tell you about the armoured cars but not tonight, i need sleep!

I am far too tired to think straight, take care Whitechapel, you are a good bunch.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ]]>