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      CommentAuthornelzbub
    • CommentTimeOct 7th 2011 edited
     (10248.101)
    Gonna have a small rant of my own,
    I'm having a little email argument with one of my oldest friends, part of which comes down to him being unhappy at having picked up the lion's share of the tabs the last few times we've seen each other. Now I hate having to rely on friends and would never do it if it could be helped but we're referring to one instance when I spent a couple of months wages to fly to vietnam to visit him for a month and then ran out of spending money in the last week and he had to see me through to the end. I felt pretty rotten about it but fuck I'd do the same for him were the tables turned and at the time and for the place he was earning a relative mint so I didn't think he'd harbor a grudge over it.
    The more recent time he was over to visit me here in amsterdam. I was really looking forward to seeing him but due to being pretty skint(for reasons I'll go into in a moment) I was kind of hoping we could just spend the week chilling and not going out too much. Sadly as is often the case when my friends come to amsterdam he seemed well up for the party, and not wanting to be a boring old git we spent the next few nights out drinking and smoking and did a night at a friends club which inevitably led to him getting the taxis and more than his fair share of beers in. Again I felt bad but as he was instigating the party and knew quite how financially fucked I am I hoped he would let it slide.
    So quite how financially fucked am I?
    well.
    January this year I discovered, five minutes after having booked a non refundable flight to the states, that i'd lost my passport.
    an expensive mistake to make and let that be a lesson to those who don't already know. never book a flight without yr passport in front of you.
    My next disaster came when my home gardening project, which I've slowly spent years quietly building to a point where I could begin to hope to earn a modest monthly income was interrupted by the authorities. Now there are a lot of worse places for this to happen to someone and the penalties were relatively small, but lawyers were expensive and I was also wrongly accused and fined for stealing electricity, which I hadn't done but after coping for eight weeks with the meter removed from my house, hence no lights, no heat, no hot water I had little choice to pay the stupidly massive fine- five times the amount I had to pay for the growing offense- in order to get some lights back in my house.
    During this period I had to make a couple of expensive trips back to the island for weddings and funerals and such.
    I've had to borrow a large sum from an old friend to deal with the legal shit and also had to do a few things of a much more dubious legal nature in order to try and dig my way out of the shit.
    Spiral of criminality anyone??
    So now I'm back where I started in amsterdam working the minimum wage coffeeshop shifts which, I won't lie to you is not a bad job at all, but let's just say I'm not working at the most financially rewarding end of the drug trade!
    All of this my friend is well aware of and I struggled not to get the right hump at his snarky e-mail tone. I've known him so long that I expect a frank exchange of views will be all it takes to sort out and so I'm not too worried about that even though a little put out by a few other subjects of out current disagreement.
    the thing that put me in a right spin was that during the course of my thinking about money I made the mistake of adding up my avoidable financial losses for this year


    10,000 euro

    fuck....


    what a barrel of monkey spunk!
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeOct 7th 2011
     (10248.102)
    I always seem to come on here when it's quiet..

    4.a.m..migraine from hell.I've just reduced my meds(suboxone) another 1mg..so now i'm just down to 2..shit..i'm gonna be ill this week..that a 33.3333333333333333333 % reduction..i hope i can take it.i got voluntary work on tuesday and will go no matter what state i'm in..it's now a matter of pride.

    I realised i was doing too many NA meets and to be honest they where starting to piss me off..judgemental people telling me i shouldn't share this,that what i was saying was not "NA related' ,even people saying i should dress a bit smarter and have a shave..freakin' users who've never taken junk..there are a lot of people who,in my opinion,seem to go for the wrong reasons..just because they are lonely or too lazy to venture forth into the world of reality.They say when you start to do 90 meetings in 90 days..since March i've done something like 150 or more,,i no longer know..
    I have this reputation at meetings for saying my mind no matter what..if i see something going on i don't like i will confront it..i've seen some truely awful behaviour..men and women praying on new,vulnerable addicts..there is this one twisted creep it got so bad i confronted him for a fight! And,Whitechapel,i'm not a cunt..i don't go round hitting people but i most definitely am not a pacifist..not any more..he backed down but i can't sit in the same room as him..and there is this crazy damaged woman..she's a stand up comedian..i bet she's shit and i am tired of her sad flirting.it's like trying to deal with a mongoloid child..

    I've met a few really bright,talented people who i will miss.Don't get me wrong..i'm still going to do the programme but i'm just going to limit myself to a few weekend meetings.
    i'm too ill to keep getting the bus and the tube every day to Notting Hill and Ladbroke Grove..
    Just need to get my head down and continue with this hellish detox.

    Got me little certificate for access to college..cool..can't wait to try something new..but my legs being done in is always going to be a factor so i better not jump the gun..strange expression..

    I hope if you are reading this that life is treating you as good as it should..bastard life.

    Whitechapel..i salute you!
  1.  (10248.103)
    @AlanTyson, RenThing, TriniNaenae, Flecky -

    Aw. Thanks guys! Whitechapel is awesome.

    @Sell Me Your Soul -

    Really, my roommate angst isn't that angsty, and not that bad. i mean, I like the guy, and part of me was really thinking that it'd probably be just as nice for him as it would be for me to have different housemates, just as a compatibility thing. I'm six or seven years older, and that changes things. The bottom line is that it's his lease, and his apartment. I had been trying to determine if I was being unreasonable, but regardless, I'm the one who'd have to leave, and it's difficult to leave an apartment with people you know that's cheaper than anything else you can find with strangers.

    Finding doctors... I've got an appointment at a teaching hospital next week, so they might like to really delve into my Lyme Disease, i'm hoping. i've also got an appointment with a Lyme-knowledgeable rheumatologist, AND a neuro-opthamologist. i've been relying on a lot of New Yorker Magazine "BEST DOCTOR" recommendations, and cross referencing it with online reviews. If the Chiari doctors here don't pan out, I'll head to Chicago. There's a Chiari center there, too. As of now, I've got to wait for my Medicaid to kick in so I can go to the doctor I have my eye on - a fellow in Princeton who specializes in Chiari, and much like The Chiari Institute, he doesn't take any major insurance... but unlike The Chiari Institute, he takes ONE INSURANCE: Medicaid. Ha ha ha ha! This has been my plan as of three years ago. It's just... taking for fuckiing ever, and nobody is going to operate on my brain while I've got Lyme Disease. In fact, it's probably goihng to be far more difficult to get taken seriously about Chiari with a history of Lyme.They are often mistaken for each other. The one thing I have in my favor is hat i'd been given a spinal tap to test for Lyme a year before I was infected.

    @ Dork Muffin -

    I LOVE CHRONIC ILLNESS CAT. I've shared him with a few people I know.

    I've looked at some of the Chiari support groups, and I've found a few through facebook, but there is a lot of fighting at the moment about how reliable The Chiari Institute on Long Island is, and it seems most discussion devolves into bickering about specific surgical procedure (like whether it's irresponsible to cut through the muscle, whether to extend the dura, or just make more skull room, how large the incision is, if "tethered cord" is even a real thing or not, etc). Strangely, my first boyfriend had Chiari surgery right before I met him in highschool, and I every third person I meet knows someone who had the surgery. It makes me think that it's not so rare, and that it's... an evolutionary growing pain in that our skulls aren't always big enough for the brain increase. It'd explain all that ancient trepanning going on.

    @Singularity Jones -

    While i'm sure it's not really a comfort, your description of yourself and your partner in the waves was wonderfully put. I'm going to use that inside my head. I guess sometimes you've got to let yourself sway with the waves and not fight them for a while, even if you end up obscured from all view.... if you're going to ever have the energy to find and grab tight to your partner til the storm ends.

    By the way, a month or two ago, I'd heard an interview with the owner of this shed, and it made me think of you: http://www.songsfromtheshed.com/ (i want a shed to escape to)

    @Comic Book Bunny -

    Yes. Yes yes yes. I do completely and totally understand that. The consious choice to be happy, to say FUCK YOU, YOU DON'T GET TO RUIN MY WORLD! and just smile and be jubilant about ANYTHING, well... that's kind of how I work it. It's kind of why people think I'm kind of... simple. Easily amused. Because I am. Because I have to be. Because I will find something, ANYTHING to make my day be awesome. I will cling to small stupid things and make them important, if they are positive.

    EDITED TO ADD...

    @flecky - going to school is AWESOME! And you just get a certificate and you can GO?! Goodness. That's really amazing. I've got no idea why I'm going to school (aside from the health coverage), but it's really nice to use your brain for something. Once you start, you'll realize how all these imbeciles have degrees. It's really not that hard to get a degree. It's just time consuming. Then agaIn, the American educational system is probably far below most industrialized nations.

    Are there no meetings closer to where you are? I used to go to NA meetings with friends (they had to as part of probation, so I went with them) and it was amazing the kind of bullshit in there.
  2.  (10248.104)
    The pain has faded to a not-agonizing level. I was feeling better today in body and mind, and rather cheerful.

    Today on facebook:
    Me - Dear self: thank you for being such a crazy pill hoarder. Finding that forgotten stash of antibiotics has lifted the doom these past two days. Finding ANOTHER stash once those few pills were used up is fucking amazing. HOORAY for FLAGYL and CEFTIN and KADIAN! Anyone have a fast online Canadian/Indian pharmacy to recommend?

    Friend I've not seen/talked to in 15 years - Instead of pills, try a better diet and outlook on life. And get a job, you have far to much free time on your hands.

    Me - Wow. I don't think I could possibly mean it more when I say: FUCK YOU. If I ever run into you you'll be lucky if I don't spit in your face.


    This is why I have few friends, and no family to speak of.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeOct 7th 2011
     (10248.105)
    @ Rachael: I just woke from an exhaustion fuelled mini kip on me bed..i'd forgotten to log off but so glad i didn't..because there you are!!
    So happy you seem to be in a better mind frame.Good on ya kiddo!!
    I hate face book...and i've never even been on it! When people go on about it i feel sick..the degraded sexual exploits people have used it for..hooking up in seedy hotels with strangers for a quick lonely bit of despair fuelled shagging..
    I have no intention of ever going near it..the day it happens is when Midnighter starts sleeping with women..does he? Ahh..it's only a comic! Only a comic!!How dare i!!!
    That "friend" on it..i've already found 'em for you.Got "it" tied up in my dungeon of torture..was having so much fun playing with a old rusty syringe i found in the gutter the other day..am currently trying a new diet of rat shite on it..at the early stage of torture it refused to eat but now it's loving it..can't get enough.
    I removed one of its eyes and said "How's your outlook on life now you little shit!" I was tempted to fook the socket but will leave that for my goat to do..
    I've given it a job to do too..it's quite easy aswell..all it has to do is read the bible backwards and if it makes a mistake i kick it in a open gash wound.
    I also noticed it had far to much free time on its hand so,being a gentleman, i removed it..with a chainsaw..unfortunately free time is not a physical construct and i accidently removed all of it's digits..blood everywhere!! It was really funny!!
    oh..i forgot..i coughed up a 50 roll up fag horrible green ball of spit and placed it on it's forehead..it's now hanging of it's nose...
    If you want me to indulge in any more fun please let me know..i'm always wide open for suggestion..
    He He HE HE.SHUT UP FACE BOOK FOOKA He Ho Ho He...gasp!!!
    • CommentAuthorbadbear
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2011
     (10248.106)
    @Rachael
    That person is clearly a giant, gaping arsehole of the highest magnitude.

    I'm glad you're feeling more positive. We may not know each other but I've been thinking of you. An old friend of mine who looks like stan lee but isn't said once that you have interesting years and boring years and it's the interesting ones you've gotta look out for.

    Eventually you'll have a boring year, don't you worry.

    I hope you continue to feel better and that the appointment next week goes well. Long term illness is the fucking worst.
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      CommentAuthortexture
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2011 edited
     (10248.107)
    @Rachel @icelandbob @everyone

    BIG HUGS!

    I recommend one of these:

    mr kitty

    I have definitely been a lot happier since this wee guy came into my life.

    Thinking of you all, big love.
  3.  (10248.108)
    @Rachael - that site is fab, thank you! Also, small world entirely, but there are a couple of people on there I knew from living in Winchester, which made me go 'squee'.

    Also - Facebook arsehole is arsehole. Your response was neat though...
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      CommentAuthornelzbub
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2011
     (10248.109)
    well this isn't good news:
    Dutch government to reclassify strong marijuana as a class A drug
    Yet another lurch to the right from the dutch.
    And then :
    Feds give California marijuana dispensaries 45 days notice


    damn my foolish optimism.
  4.  (10248.110)
    @Rachael -- that friend you hadn't talked to in 15 years wasn't Herman Cain, was it?
  5.  (10248.111)
    Well my week wasn't too shabby. Work's busy again and learning to dislike Mondays again but whatever money. Busy work means a little less energy afterwards for the fun stuff so will need to monitor that. Not nearly as much comic pages done this week as I would like. Finished up with a mini exhibition and not a single bite..onwards. Weekend was awesome with an annual music festival in the Valley which I didn't attend because there was a zine fair and live music at the community radio I volunteer in so fun times to be able to cut loose with the sketching.
    Next week's a launch party for a local comics anthology that I was a part of so it'll be nice to finally meet the people I've been working with...just gotta get through the work week and then rush to the next city for it. Wishing I get a less sucky hostel than the last one...some people actually want a hostel to sleep instead of party central.
    Game On even if my gaming time is a little neglected...
    • CommentAuthorPooka
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2011
     (10248.112)
    Hi everybody! I haven't been here in a long time boys and girls, but you are ever in my mind...:P (well...i just got a new laptop so now I have actual access to the internets besides my crappy driod)
    So...since I last posted here, my life's changed dramatically. I moved to Lexington, a very interesting little city, and am starting to become friends with the local artists/actors/ musicians/ writers/ other creative types. For about a year, I helped operate a comic book store here in lex, but after a series of crappy business partners, we sold our percentage and started selling vintage and modern toys and comics online. So...ya know warren, if you allow me to, I'll link the hell outta my site in appropriate threads here once we get everything squared away. :P
    I decided in my spare time to start hosting small creative arts events. My first event was our first Free Comic Book Day here. It went really well and we all had a lot of fun. I had Scottie Watson, Billy Tackett, Mark Kidwell, and R D Hall as my guest creators, and we had a couple of adorable volunteer cosplay models as robin and supergirl. I even spent an hour or so dressed as a Red Riding Hood. It was fun as hell, so I got together with an actor/director friend of mine and put on an art and cinema show at a bar in town. It went down well and we made some money with a charity auction for The American Cancer Society. I talked to my art guests, and we decided we wanted to do another show in December called "Lexicon: Drink and Draw!", that focuses on my artists...so any artists around Kentucky that want to get involved, send me an email at s.arnett80@gmail.com and I'll take a look at your stuff :).
    My last show was purely for charity. I didn't make a dime for myself and it was all put on for free. This time I'm hoping to be able to pay my DJ, my celtic music performer, the bar, and my partner in advertising plus a few bucks left over for my time and trouble. Hopefully my artists won't mind paying out a small percentage of their take for the night this time.
    I've also started a few artistic projects of my own. My ex girlfriend of mine wanted me to ink a webcomic for her, so I'm doing that as a distraction. If we get some of it finished I'll post pics. I'm painting a bit, and I may be helping with some local film projects, either acting, makeup or props, depending on who and what actually follows through. I'm debating on trying my hand at singing, and am working up the courage to try some karaoke. I have a number of musician type friends now and I miss being able to play an instrument (arthritis got too bad. I used to be a percussionist)
    All this and I still spend most of my time lying about the house, doing the daily domestic tasks I gotta do, or helping my business partners in our every day errands. I get bored a lot, so I'm constantly trying to find projects to get in to that don't overly tax my already painful and energy draining condition.
    Something I get to look forward to in the future: Once my business gets off the ground, we're going to start attending conventions around the country, So I'll be working along side alot of you creators and collectibles merchants again. :)

    So...not so much of a rant, as an update and an optimistic listing of my current endevours. we'll see how it all developes, and how much ranting I get to do later on when these plans fall apart :P
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2011
     (10248.113)
    lost it earlier...smashed the shit out of all the rubbish the fuckin £*&^! filth leave on the second floor of my council block! Animals!!

    Then picked up a bin and empied it and threw it at the door at this creep i want to die who i met at NA meetings.

    If i don't get beat up or nicked soon i will be amazed..
    •  
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2011
     (10248.114)
    Pooka, hey! Good to see you 'round these parts again.
    •  
      CommentAuthorrazrangel
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2011 edited
     (10248.115)
    Been some 12 hours of weird dreams and feeling out of sorts. Plans didn't come together so I slept in a friend's house with no friends in it; in a friend's bed where the friend was next door for the night. I have a working laptop now (though it is a bit old, it still has my old POS machine beat for speed, now to add programs I need), and it's a hand me down from a guy who decided to come in and solve my computer problems because he's a sweetheart and not because he knows me particularly well, and anyway he's had this machine for a while from a mutual friend who no longer lives in the state.

    Moved the rest to the current spleen venting for Oct 9-20.