Whitechapel - SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) Sun, 19 May 2013 22:27:00 -0700 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/ Lussumo Vanilla 1.1.4 & Feed Publisher SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311146#Comment_311146 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311146#Comment_311146 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 11:45:07 -0700 Horrible Warning Si
THE RULES:

1. Recount a tale on the below topic. You have 300 words. Anything more than that will be flambéed with the righteous heat of Deletion. Repeat offenders will be banned.

Linking to a longer version of the story, or posting subsequent chapters, or anything which indirectly pushes it past that 300 word limit, will be similarly nuked.


2. Read – and comment on – the other entries, before you post your own. Partly that’s because you’ll look like a plum if your story is a rubbish shadow of someone else’s. Mostly it’s because you’re not an impolite shit, are you?

[3. Additional emphasis: “Topic.” TOP-IC. That means your anecdote should revolve around a specific subject, yes? The one below, in fact. Not just any old tale you care to share. Deviation = maggoty pee-hole disaster.]

THE LEGAL CRAP:

By telling us your story, it’s in the public domain. Don’t get pissy about that.

Right now you’re in a pub, surrounded by writers, artists and socialites. If you recount an interesting tale to entertain and endear yourself to your fellows, you do not get to bitch about it if a twisted version of the same tale shows up 30 years later on the other side of the planet. Stories are contagious. My advice? Be honest. Don’t make shit up. Don’t treat this like a fiction thread. It’s a chance to entertain and move us with your life experience. That’s plenty good enough.

THE TOPIC:

"I hate animals / animals hate me." ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311156#Comment_311156 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311156#Comment_311156 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 12:33:01 -0700 JP Carpenter
They realised, as four young men wearing leather jackets, that they might not be all that popular with the sheep that were living in the fields. That the sheep might want revenge for their brothers and sisters, murdered to make these vain young male humans look like sexy cool rock stars. And then the sheep all lined up in a military style formation. One sheep stood out from the rest. It was clearly the leader. It was giving them their orders. And then they began to march purposely towards the foolish young men. Who, believing unanimously that they were about to be slaughtered and skinned for jackets by these woolly avengers, ran like absolute hell back to the house. Where every single TV programme they tried to watch, during the rest of that terrifying early morning, featured sheep. On every single channel. That night, that young man fought the sheep, and the sheep won. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311158#Comment_311158 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311158#Comment_311158 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 12:53:27 -0700 Ampersand
Horses are funny animals - they tend to be afraid of almost anything. I purchased a giant yoga ball for my horses to play with, and proceeded to throw it into the pasture. Three of my four horses were scared shitless. Picture a 1200 pound animal literally shivering in fear. Eyes rolled into the back of its head, whites showing, visibly trembling, and pressed into a corner so hard that the fence is bending. Thinking I had made a mistake, and wondering what to do with this stupid ball, I kicked it across the fence toward Beau, my big, grumpy, testosterone-filled horse. He loved it.

So here I am, playing pass with a horse that normally wants nothing but to bite your face off. My boyfriend, knowing that I love this horse more than any of the others (despite its habit of attempting to remove my limbs), decides that he might be able to participate. Most men have to bond with fathers and brothers. Mine has to bond with a giant, grumpy horse. Seeing that Beau seems to be happy for the time being, I pass the ball to my boyfriend. He kicks it to Beau. The horse looks at the ball by his feet, looks back to me, sighs, and stands still for a moment. He then looks back and forth between the ball and the boy for a while, looking like he was just greatly insulted. He proceeds to pass the ball to me, and walk away. I think that maybe the boyfriend has given up on any "bonding" with that horse. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311165#Comment_311165 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311165#Comment_311165 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 14:07:28 -0700 nelzbub
Early nineties, I was a young teenager; my girlfriend had got permission for me to accompany her on a babysitting job. Obviously her parents had vouched that I was a nice boy and wouldn't raid the booze cabinet. I was looking forward to an evening of heavy snogging and maybe, if lucky, some under the jumper joy!
We arrived, the children were already asleep and while I was doing my best polite young man impression, in came the families' young labrador bitch.
Less than a year old, she was excitable in that dumb lab way and I immediately began playing with her while telling them of my own family labrador who was quite old then.
So away went the parents and I played with the dog while my girl fixed snacks and then we settled down to watch a movie and get down to the aforementioned snogging. All was good.

An hour later I got up to take a pee and the dog, who had been lying quietly in the room, freaked. Barking and growling as I moved towards her, she bolted into the kitchen where I found her crouched and shivering under the table in a puddle of piss!
I had no idea what had happened. I hadn't raised my voice or even moved suddenly but the dog was now completely terrified of me and no amount of coaxing from me or my girlfriend could alter its quivering state.

Trying to explain this to the parents when they returned, with the dog twitching at my every move, was not easy.
I guess I will forever be in their minds the strange boy who did unspeakable things to their dog.
I wasn't invited to go babysitting again. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311166#Comment_311166 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311166#Comment_311166 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 14:07:54 -0700 flecky Every morning there was a massive line of poor folk taking it in turn to get some scran.
I lived on the other side of the town on the docks.Right next to the ITV studios on a mad estate called Battlefield!I was a student at the time and liked to use the little money i had to get pissed so used to go there often.
I was hung-over and starving one cold morning so made the long..long..trek there and anxiously got a bag of pretty dodgy dough stuff to eat.I decided to make the journey back home and made a slight detour down a back lane.I believe i could hear a strange sort of growling noise yet thought nowt of it..
Suddenly this massive beast of an alsatian..honest,it looked like a mad wolf with serial killer intent,..the bastard jumps to attack me looking at me food.I freaked out and slung the bag right at it.The nasty git started to eat it,giving me the evil eye all the time.So hungry was I that i tried to retrieve the scran a few times but it just looked at me mental and barked and growled.
Eventually i just gave up and left with the hump major style.It was awful!Hideous!

I've got a pasty in me fridge as i tap..it's now going to be a challenge to eat it!Fooksake... ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311194#Comment_311194 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311194#Comment_311194 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 17:17:34 -0700 Alan Tyson
I screamed for what felt like an hour. This apparently startled the spider so much that it lost its butt-grip on its web.

Then there was a spider, roughly quarter-sized, on my forehead.

I screamed some more. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311197#Comment_311197 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311197#Comment_311197 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 18:42:32 -0700 government spy
So I got to pick our next cat. Alley cat tom, part Maine Coon. I named him Snickers. I was about three or four years old.

Flash forward maybe a year or so... I had just recently started reading on my own, thanks to an awesome mom. And my Aunt had just gotten divorced and moved into our upstairs bedroom.

Since my cat and reading were two of my favorite things, I grabbed a book in one hand and scooped up the cat in the other and started up the stairs. I was carrying the cat with one arm, the way kids do, where you have your arm around the cat under his front paws and he just hangs there hating you. He was somewhat struggling not wanting whatever it was that I wanted.

So I get to the top step and the cat had just about managed to escape my grasp and he climbed up out of my arm, and jumped away from me, pushing off the center of my chest with his back feet. I was fairly young, like I said, 4 or 5, and I had my hands full of book and cat so I wasn't holding onto a handrail, and was too young to have this stairs thing down yet, and the cat had just enough force to tip me over backwards. I rolled down the stairs backwards, screaming.

I guess at this point, Snickers was at full-on freak-the-fuck-out mode, and was running down the stairs at the same time, and was also perceiving me as a threat. Because by the time I landed at the bottom of the stairs, Snickers jumped on my head and latched onto me with his claws. I was running around the hallway with this cat on my head, and I'm screaming.

Nobody came to see what was the matter. Later when I tried explaining it, everyone assumed I was exaggerating.

That cat lived for another 14 years, and tortured me constantly. God, I miss that cat. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311204#Comment_311204 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311204#Comment_311204 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 19:52:47 -0700 Jamie Heron
I'd been in Yellowstone for about 7 days for the exciting part of my gap year; I'd been having the time of my life up until that point, except for the buffalo deciding to give me hell.

It starts when I wake up one morning to hear a low grumbling sound - I hadn't seen any bears up until that point, but I was more than willing to believe that one had found my campsite and was waiting just outside my tent ready to eat me up if I so much as peaked out. So bear spray in hand I opened the flap to see...a herd of buffalo crossing the river near the campsite.

The next day I woke up without any natural alarm clock, and was bringing my bag down when I hear a sound behind me and turn around to see a buffalo a little under 5 metres away. I swear I jumped back at least a foot, with no idea what to do except watch it as it decided that today was not the day it would explore what it's like to be a carnivore, and turn away.

I set off, making for the next campsite; I have to be honest I didn't exactly follow the tracks completely, so at one point I decided to cut across the side of a hill, right into another buffalo.

It charged of course, and with around 15 kilos on my back I've never moved so fast in my life, before it swerved away...and charged again. I made it down the hill, around the other buffalo which I'd almost run into in my attempt to get away from the first and back to civilisation, where I ate the biggest burger I could find. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311211#Comment_311211 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311211#Comment_311211 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 21:01:57 -0700 Purple Wyrm SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311213#Comment_311213 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311213#Comment_311213 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 21:17:52 -0700 RenThing
I'm enthusiastically not sorry for laughing.

The girlfriend of one of my college friends had this cat, that looked like every villain's white, long-haired cat and had the disposition that was one part irritating mother-in-law, one part abusive spouse, and three parts very angry demon.

This cat, if you pissed it off, which was easy to do, would stalk you around the house and attempt to make mince of your ankles.

I hated that cat and that cat hated me right back.

Now, the cat's litterbox was kept in the guest bathroom in a cupboard whose door was usually left open. Which made for a horrible experience when you're on the toilet, doing your business, and the cat pops out of the cupboard all teeth and claws and "HEREEEEEEE'S KITTY!". The crap thing about the situation was that the door to the cupboard opened toward the toilet, so you didn't know if that shitty cat was doing its business until you were trying to do yours and wondering why your legs were quickly being skeletonized by a white-turning-pink blur of hate.

So one day I'm over at their place and go in to use the bathroom. I'm on the toilet and I look into the cupboard and that cat is looking at me, only I caught it in the middle of it doing its thing. The cat, looking pissed as usual, started to look a little bit more pissed at me until its angry hissing turned to slightly panicked hissing as I closed the cupboard door with my foot. There was no latch so it was able to get out as soon as I stopped holding the door closed but the look on its face as the light slowly grew dim as the door closed was sweet revenge for some of the scars I still have. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311226#Comment_311226 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311226#Comment_311226 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 22:44:15 -0700 razrangel
Now I don't know about spiders but I know cats don't hate me. The looooovve me. Every time I've been to someone's home with a shy cat I'm promised I won't see it because it's so scared of strangers. But inevitably the creature comes out and, one way or another, finds its way to my lap. Of course, I can't help but give in to my little girl impulse because inside there's a voice that cooing "cuuute kitty is cuuuuuuute!!" and what can I do but scratch and pet the kitty, eh?

See here's the thing. I'm very allergic to cats. Horribly. One cat and I'm sneezing and scratching and can't drink enough water, two cats and my eyes and nose won't stop running, my chest feels compressed, three cats and I start to sound like Darth Vader while trying to breathe. More than that and I really can't be in the room out of serious fear for my health.

Cats loooove me. The know damn well they can kill me. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311228#Comment_311228 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311228#Comment_311228 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 23:02:30 -0700 Alan Tyson
@Razrangel: I have the worst dream about a spider. It's the size of a wolf, and I'm just running and slamming barriers between it and myself, but it always squeezes through with this horrible, oh-so-arachnid squishy grace. Also, on the the topic of cats, here's the thing about them: they ALWAYS gravitate toward non-cat people. They avoid cat people like the plague until about six weeks. Couldn't tell ya why.

Alright, I got one more. So, my dad and grampa used to go hunting all the time, and on one of their adventures they bagged themselves this pretty good-sized elk. They didn't get the head stuffed, but they did have the antlers mounted, and my dad took it home and hung it on his office wall. Well, the years went by, and I sort of colonized one corner of the office as my writing area, and naturally that corner was right under the elk antlers. At the time I thought it was cool - I felt like Jack from The Shining sitting in his room at the Overlook Hotel, which was very appropriate as, at 15, I'd just started reading Stephen King and decided that he as my hero.

One night, I'm writing in the middle of a real good, howling Iowa thunderstorm. As it happened, I was writing what was probably my first real attempt at a scary scene, and I guess it was working, because I was sweating so bad I had to take my shirt off, and my eyes kept darting around the room whenever a lightning strike hit. I was scaring myself silly, but having a blast while I did it, too.

Well anyway, those antlers were apparently in need of a re-mounting, because what happened was, a particularly loud thunderclap hit, and the whole house vibrated. This shook the screws that were set into the wall loose, and the antlers come crashing down RIGHT at my feet. I didn't even have the presence of mind to see what it was, all I knew was some antlered monster had come OUT OF THE WALL, and that I needed to RUN and RUN NOW.

I got halfway up the second flight of stairs to my room before my brain put together what must have happened. Even so, I'm lucky the antlers didn't come down on my head. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311233#Comment_311233 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311233#Comment_311233 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 00:56:34 -0700 Greasemonkey
So, back in 1995 I'd just bought a hundred acres of land way out in the country, figuring I'd use it as a vacation spot. It had a small dam, a creek at the rear, and a weatherproof shed which I planned to use as a cabin. First night, I wake from a dream about someone hacking off my toe with a steak knife, and find my right foot is all painful and throbbing. I grab a torch, shine it around and find an eight-inch centipede scurrying down a crack. Centipede bites are painful but not life threatening, so I cuss the thing out, spray insecticide down the crack and climb back into bed.

Next morning I'm shopping in town and thinking it might be a good idea to purchase some more insecticide and give the cabin a good spray before spending another night in there, so I stock up with half a dozen cans of Raid. My dad and I spend about ten minutes carefully spraying along all the edges and corners of the shed, and up under the side joists where the metal walls are anchored to the building's frame. Nothing happens for a few minutes, then black widow spiders start dropping out of the sides of the shed and writhing spastically on the floor.

There were . . . . . . hundreds of the fuckers. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311236#Comment_311236 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311236#Comment_311236 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 02:41:33 -0700 Labyrinthine
My maternal grandparents live next door to what I can really only accurately describe as a SWARM of giant corgis. I mean, technically I suppose they live next door to corgi-owners, or at least corgi-keepers - corgi-wranglers? Regardless, all I've seen of the actual neighbours is suspicious-glared porch-sitting, whereas the dogs line up to bark madly at me every time I walk past their fence - regardless of how loud I am being and whether I am carrying food. They'll be lolling about all over this run-down yard, and the minute I set foot on the pavement beside their fence they will each heave their bulky orange bodies off the ground and form up, hut hut hut, all in a row to yell at me, hut hut hut.

I'm not kidding about their size, these little dudes are taller than my knees and pretty damn broad-shouldered for royal foot-warmers. I am pretty sure they could take me down if they weren't too waddly to get over the fence. And the wranglers don't repair, as a rule, by the vaguely Mad Max look of their yard, so it's only a matter of time... ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311296#Comment_311296 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311296#Comment_311296 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 13:21:36 -0700 razrangel SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311319#Comment_311319 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311319#Comment_311319 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 14:44:28 -0700 Greasemonkey
(A funnelweb spider has enough venom to kill about fourteen healthy adults, and looks like this - )

]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311325#Comment_311325 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311325#Comment_311325 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:07:40 -0700 Alan Tyson SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311331#Comment_311331 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311331#Comment_311331 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:28:48 -0700 Greasemonkey SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311332#Comment_311332 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311332#Comment_311332 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:34:12 -0700 Greasemonkey
]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311333#Comment_311333 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311333#Comment_311333 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:35:48 -0700 razrangel SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311334#Comment_311334 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311334#Comment_311334 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:44:22 -0700 Greasemonkey
]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311340#Comment_311340 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311340#Comment_311340 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 16:10:21 -0700 DC EDIT: These are the bugs I use as an example of the absurdity of "intelligent design". What kind of omnipotent entity creates such vicious things?! ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311345#Comment_311345 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311345#Comment_311345 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 16:28:08 -0700 Alan Tyson SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311346#Comment_311346 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311346#Comment_311346 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 16:28:32 -0700 Greasemonkey SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311390#Comment_311390 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311390#Comment_311390 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 01:01:47 -0700 Horrible Warning Si SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311391#Comment_311391 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311391#Comment_311391 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 01:03:37 -0700 Horrible Warning Si SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311398#Comment_311398 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311398#Comment_311398 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 02:10:41 -0700 nelzbub I can remember staying at some distant in-laws in northern New South Wales many years ago and on their bookshelf was a tome called, I think, ' Australia's Dangerous Animals' in TWO huge volumes. I spent a good few days freaking myself out thoroughly.
As if all the things that can kill you aren't bad enough, even worse are some of the things that let you live but just rot the flesh off you after one bite, or the bullet ants, so named because apparently being bitten by one feels much like being shot.
My own antipodean near death experience was as much a result of my own stupidity as any thing else and whenever I share it with an Australian they often look at me as though I really shouldn't be alive at all. I guess such levels of idiocy have been reduced through Darwinism over there.
I fear I may go over my 300 words with this one, apologies in advance, please spare my urethra! ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311400#Comment_311400 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311400#Comment_311400 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 02:43:12 -0700 nelzbub SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311402#Comment_311402 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311402#Comment_311402 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 03:51:19 -0700 Horrible Warning Si
It's there for a reason. Brevity is brilliance.

I'll give you an hour to abridge or destroy. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311405#Comment_311405 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311405#Comment_311405 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 04:14:09 -0700 nelzbub SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311406#Comment_311406 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311406#Comment_311406 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 05:03:45 -0700 nelzbub On my holidays I nearly got bitten by a snake and died. It was very scary. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311409#Comment_311409 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311409#Comment_311409 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 07:16:15 -0700 nelzbub
On a weekend's driving in nothern Victoria I saw some aboriginal rock paintings marked on the map. Now these are generally not accessible to the public and I persuaded the family to detour into the middle of nowhere to see them.

Not expecting to be longer than twenty minutes , I ventured out in my shorts and flip-flops, no water, no hat.

A big rock stood in the bush and a path led to an overhang where the paintings were. After a few pictures I wandered off for a smoke before going back.

Walking round the rock I saw the back was very climbable and up I went, thinking to wave from above. I reached the top with an easy scramble and walked accross the flat top to the edge, where I thought everyone should be. But they weren't.

I called out, no reply. . .

I must have been looking out over the wrong edge. The direction I should be pointing seemed to involve some tricky climbing so I decided to go back exactly the way I 'd come and turned round to do so.

My eye was caught by a pink flower and I remember thinking 'I don't remember noticing that' in the miliseconds as I focused ..

It wasn't a pink flower...

It was the wide open mouth of a black snake, coiled and ready to strike.

I had obviously stepped right over it as I'd walked to the edge and it was mighty pissed off with me, ruling out any idea of going back that way.

Completely on automatic I scrambled backwards over the edge before I'd had time to finish screaming.
The next hour, fighting my way through the dense undergrowth, gave me plenty of time to remember black tiger snake bites are generally lethal unless treated inside an hour, as I struggled through the bush many hours from medical help.

I'm not too proud to say that I cried when I finally found the very worried family, about to phone an alarm.
I had travelled less than 100 metres the whole time and despite screaming at the top of my lungs, they had heard nothing!

I spent the rest of that trip indoors, twitching slightIy. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311410#Comment_311410 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311410#Comment_311410 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 07:21:26 -0700 nelzbub I cut more than half of it but still a touch long. was really the best I could manage.. (endeavoring not to take the piss) ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311415#Comment_311415 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311415#Comment_311415 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 07:53:54 -0700 Horrible Warning Si SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311455#Comment_311455 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311455#Comment_311455 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 11:28:27 -0700 Greasemonkey
Cutting class one day in 1980, my friend Bill and I sneaked down the back of the soccer field to the creek which ran along the boundary of our school. There was a path along the creek through the dense undergrowth, which was a popular way to escape from school undetected. Bill and I walked a few yards down the path, sat down for a breather, when I felt something cool brush against the side of my hand. We were sitting in a dense patch of glossy green creepers, and just visible next to my left hand was about two inches of black, shiny, scaly reptilian back. Failing to check the ground first, I'd come within a couple of inches of sitting on a red-bellied blacksnake. I can only guess that it didn't bite me because it was mostly under the creepers and couldn't rear back to strike.

I think I temporarily gained the power of levitation, and possibly teleportation, because my next clear memory is of standing on the Victoria Road bridge about a hundred yards down the path.

The red-bellied blacksnake is something of a handsome fellow.

]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311459#Comment_311459 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311459#Comment_311459 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 11:54:32 -0700 JP Carpenter
Mostly harmless but...

Probably about 10 years ago I was out walking in Cornwall, in probably one of my favourite places on Earth, Pentire Head near Polzeath. It was early morning and I was on my own. I became aware of a herring gull that seemed to be following me. I was a bit concerned, the thing kept circling as I walked along the path and was coming lower and lower. Eventually, as I got to a section of the path that was little more than a foot wide with a pretty sheer drop of probably 200ft down to the rocks and the sea, the fucker attacked. It made a screeching dive for my head with its talons outstretched and I ducked. Then it went up for another pass. The worst thing was, it was coming from the land side so I was at very serious risk of falling off the cliff if it got me off balance. It missed on the second pass as well - I fell sideways landward and it went just past my head. I'd kind of had enough of this shit at this point. The next time it fell screeching out of the sky at my face I took a swing at it with my Nikon FM2, a big old chunk of proper metal camera. It connected, the thing went wheeling and screeching away and I got the fuck off that cliff as fast as I possibly could, looking over my shoulder the whole time. I was pretty shaken up though. Vicious feathery bastard. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311528#Comment_311528 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311528#Comment_311528 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 21:36:09 -0700 Purple Wyrm
It was back when I was in primary school (elementary school for Americans and other Aliens). I was crossing the playground one day and noticed a bunch of kids bunched around the toilets. Naturally I wandered across to see what was up and discovered them clustered around a patch of ground containing a small (3-4 inch) snake.

"Cool snake!" I exclaimed, which caused some consternation as my peers had gathered for some other reason and hadn't actually noticed the reptile's presence.

Sensing the potential for snakebite and/or a communal stomp-fest I seized control, deputising a few other students to maintain order while I took off for the back of one of the school buildings where some girls had recently been playing with a 'first aid kit' consisting of some cheap medical supplies in an ice-cream bucket. Grabbing it, I raced back and carefully lifted the snake into said bucket with q-tips before setting out to find a teacher.

Unfortunately at this point some of the girls turned up, having seen me racing around with their precious bucket. Before I could explain, one of them went to grab it and the situation quickly degenerated into a bucket tug of war, with me yelling “there's a snake in it!” and the girls shrieking incoherently about my 'stealing' their first aid kit.

The snake apparently wasn't pleased with this situation and decided to protest by suddenly rearing up out of the cotton balls and striking at the girl gripping the bucket. It missed, but prompted her to let go and run off screaming. This thankfully attracted a teacher who was able to assume control and, once reassured that I hadn't planted the snake in some scheme to cause death or injury, released it outside school grounds.

To this day it's still the only wild snake I've ever seen. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311533#Comment_311533 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311533#Comment_311533 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 22:04:22 -0700 Fishelle
I grew up in the Utah desert, and basically there's two kinds of snakes you find out there. One is a harmless garter snake, the other is a rattlesnake. They can be small enough to hold up with a thumb and forefinger, or as long as a man is tall, and both are the color of sand.

One day, a childhood friend and I were walking down the street, and we found a snake. It was little and cute, and I may have just been talking about how I wanted a pet. So we lured it into a cheap plastic pencil box. We walked around for a bit, and the snake stayed in the pencil box and bounced around while we walked.

We went to the library and decided to open the box and check on it. For obvious reasons, the snake was pissed. It sort of hissed, reared it's head back a little and opened it's mouth, and we promptly closed the box on it's head. My friend may have screamed.

So there we were, in the library with an angry snake in a pencil box. My friend remembered that we had never looked to see if it had a rattle. It seemed to be making that noise. So, an angry rattlesnake in a pencil box, then.

We asked the librarian what to do. We wanted them to look and see if it was a rattlesnake after all. They told us to go put it in the grass, preferably near where we had found it. So we walked back to my street, terrified of little fangs piercing the pencil box the whole way.

When we released it, we saw that it was just a garter snake. Of course. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311535#Comment_311535 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311535#Comment_311535 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 22:18:11 -0700 Purple Wyrm
For the record, mine was probably a dugite, of which Wikipedia says "Its venom is potentially one of the most lethal in the world, causing coagulopathic and procoagulant effects."

(I don't even know what those words mean) ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311557#Comment_311557 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311557#Comment_311557 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 02:36:57 -0700 Horrible Warning Si SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311581#Comment_311581 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311581#Comment_311581 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 09:40:56 -0700 lampcommander
and @governmentspy, I really need to hang out with you sometime--you're one of the most interesting cats I've ever heard of. I'm in Dallas now but I grew up in H-town and visit often. That is, if you don't die from whatever horrible calamity that regularly befalls your life first. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311679#Comment_311679 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311679#Comment_311679 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 22:57:59 -0700 government spy
(I started typing this out almost 2 hours ago, but was interupted by some inmate who wanted to fight his cellmate. He now has no cellmate, he now resides in the SHU (Special Housing Unit, aka "The Hole")
[...And it was a pity you didn't spend a little longer cutting it down to size. Cos then it wouldn't have to be deleted, and I wouldn't feel like an asshole.

Folks: everyone's had enough warnings by now. There's a wordcount for a reason.

Next time it's the Urethral Maggots. -- Si]

Fixed...

I was 21, and recently allowed to work the perimeter of the prison. I had an orderly to go outside and lower the flag at the end of the day. The orderly was a nice guy. I'll call him V; he was kinda responsible for training me. He had been at the prison since it opened, and worked in the craft shop. He made leather goods and sold them via catalog. I heard he was in for murder; he drunkenly found his girlfriend cheating, and slit their throats. Otherwise, he was a pretty nice guy.

We chit-chatted outside and V’s lowering the flag. I'm on the other side of the pole, and I see a hole in the flagpole, and out of it come a bunch of brown recluse spiders. I'm new to Texas and terrified of these things since I first heard about them. They were crawling towards V's hands.
For some reason, in my terror, I could not say "Hey, they’re spiders by your hands." No, I couldn't even manage to say "bugs!" I think I said something like "Move!" or "Stop!" V looked at me confused, but kept lowering the flag. I pointed and yelled gibberish, but couldn't be coherent.

Out of desperation, I drew my .357 and pointed it at V, and just yelled at him. He backed away, pretty freaked out .
Finally, I explained myself, and pointed at the spiders, and put my gun away. V got out bug spray kept nearby, and lowered the flag. He thanked me for trying to warn him; I apologized for pulling my gun out on him. I explained that I froze, and couldn't think of anything else to do.

To this day, that’s the only time I ever drew my weapon. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311696#Comment_311696 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311696#Comment_311696 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 05:26:10 -0700 Comicbookbunny
Mine involves a horse. I took lessons in horse ridding until i turned 16, we had horses that were kept at a boarding barn, I was rather fond of them actually- they hated my sister none of them wanted her near them for some reason. The parents went bankrupt trying to keep/breed them- not the rich quick scheme folks...

the summer I turned 16 i went to my grandfathers "farm", I really wanted to ride Leo his big stallion (i've taken lessons on a stallion so i think i'm ready to ride the big boy) My grandfather said sure I can ride him but if he miss behaves just give him a smack on the head. I find this odd- i knew about horses but well- at the time being a very naive 16 year old not what they like to get up to in the summer months. I'm Ridding leo around fine for a little bit (dogging the huge piles of what ever in the pen- my granfather was a hourder of epic proportions) The mare comes out of her pen and whinnies at Leo- he bolts for her, I pull hard on the reins, causing him to realize the pesky human on my back is not attractive. He starts to buck, I would have won the rodeo for how long i stayed on Screaming for my grandfather, was launched from him eventually (hitting the ground hard enough to cause skid marks and knock me out) the neighbor comes over and picks me and shakes me up at which i start screaming again in pain. Grandfather adopts a "oh just walk it off" While i was having trouble figuring out why my legs were being odd about supporting my weight. I did not find out till years later that my lower back was oh so very out of line- bit it's ok It got fixed later when a sofa fell on my head..... Haven't been on a horse since (am in my 30's) ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311726#Comment_311726 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311726#Comment_311726 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 14:11:11 -0700 nelzbub This guy has a snake, big one, constrictor and for whatever reason had always let it roam free in his house.
One morning he wakes to find his snake stretched out straight alongside his bed. He thought it odd, as normally it would be curled up somewhere.
After this happened three mornings in a row, worried that something might be wrong with his snake he calls up his snake expert friend and described what had been happening.
His friend tells him to start building a proper cage for his house snake because his precious pet was measuring him up to see if it was long enough to eat him.

made me shudder! ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311744#Comment_311744 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311744#Comment_311744 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 18:04:26 -0700 Kay Orchison North West Island in the Coral Sea off the coast of Queensland in 1988, sitting on a "long drop" pit toilet. Over the top of the door came the biggest spider I had (and to this day have ever) seen. It was about 15cm across and covered in salt-and-pepper hair. I think it was probably an Eastern Tarantula or whistling spider (Phlogius crassipes) of the kind that later invaded the town of Bowen, which is visible on the map above if you zoom out. At the time I was told it was a "rain spider" but that's a generic term for any large spider that comes indoors in inclement weather.

It was damn lucky I was already sitting on the dunny, let me tell you.

@Greasemonkey - I was up at a friend's farm at Barrington Tops last summer, reading by an itty bitty booklight in the loungeroom after everyone was in bed. Turned on the lamp to find my glasses case and coming over the floor right at my bare feet was the same bloody giant centipede that bit you. For reference, the bastards bleed yellow when you whack 'em.

Most of the snakes that we get up there can be taken care of with a long-handled shovel but my friend favours .22 rat shot for the browns - they're fast and bloody mean and will kill you stone dead for looking at them. They still don't freak me out as much as the centipedes though. I fucking hate centipedes.

Now, I won't post the icky photos I could. Instead, have some fluffy. Some folk might remember the story of the stray cat I picked up a few weeks ago. Well this is Bolts now, in rude good health, relaxing in his favourite chair. He snores.

Bolts the Cat, snoring. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311745#Comment_311745 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311745#Comment_311745 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 18:16:17 -0700 Greasemonkey SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311746#Comment_311746 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311746#Comment_311746 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 19:01:53 -0700 Kay Orchison
Dusky Antechinus, male, probably now deceased ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311752#Comment_311752 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311752#Comment_311752 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 20:37:21 -0700 Alan Tyson
I'm about twelve years old, and me and my friends are playing around on the jungle gym in our backyard. We hear this odd humming sound, and we look up.

And I swear to all the gods that ever were that Ride of the Valkyries started playing.

BECAUSE, the biggest swarm of dragonflies I had every seen was rumbling, buzzing, thrumming, and zzzzaaarrstzzing (it's a real word, look it up) over our heads, maybe about twenty feet off the ground. They were moving in a solid formation, in a way that dragonflies typically do not. And they were all sizes and species, too, from the really quite pretty little blue ones to these big fuckers that looked like they could, if they worked together, probably carry off a Toyota Corolla for Purposes Of Their Own. The whole neighborhood comes out to see this, start snapping photos and calling the news.

Then one of my dumbass friends decides to pretend its Pearl Harbor and goes at them with his anti-aircraft gun, or as we sane children liked to call it, his Super Soaker.

We got buzzed by about a dozen big dragonflies before the idiot stopped shooting at them. I didn't think dragonflies ate manflesh, but I also didn't think they organized mass migrations stretching from one horizon to the other.

Turns out it's not unusual for dragonflies to do this, but it IS unusual for them to do it very far from the coasts surrounding the Indian Ocean. Never seen anything like it before in my life, and have never seen it since, but if I ever do again, I'm gonna make sure to drop-kick any kid with a squirt gun in their hands. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311852#Comment_311852 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311852#Comment_311852 Sat, 08 Oct 2011 20:41:46 -0700 Artenshiur boulder piles the size of large hills. We're heading back to the car, which is at this point about a mile away. We decide to go over one such boulder pile, rather than around it, as it seems faster and, laden with gear though we are, we are feeling spry. About halfway up, we find a tunnel running straight through the thing. I investigate, hoping to have found a wildlife-free shortcut.

I hear some buzzing, and look ahead about ten feet in the tunnel to see a beehive. No big deal, back out of the tunnel.

Problem is, the bees follow me. I jog away from the entrance, testing a theory.

"No need to run, they're just bees," says Dad.

"Yeah but around here there are killer bees." As I say the words "killer bees", Dad gets stung.

Neither of us have ever run a mile that fast before or since. We stopped occasionally to see if they were still coming. Sure enough, every time we paused, a car-sized black cloud would be there behind us, buzzing toward us. And we'd bolt again. By halfway, we stopped checking.

When we got to the car and checked again, a single remaining bee buzzed up to us.

That bee did not survive. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311959#Comment_311959 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311959#Comment_311959 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 21:59:08 -0700 dorkmuffin
My brother is two and a half years my senior and has, for most of his life, been at least a foot taller. As of now, we've settled on him being just about 10 inches taller, and I am QUITE tall for my gender.

However, my whole life my brother has been Indiana-Jones-levels of terrified of snakes. Doesn't matter how big he is and how small and harmless the snake is, he lets out teenage girl screams around them.

For a brother who's as big as he is in comparison to how the size of his sisters, he's always been relatively nice. He didn't do any unnecessary bullying, though there were quite a few deadarms given in his time, but he would occasionally do big-brother-bullying that we (being me and my younger but not much littler sister) could fight against. I didn't think this was tremendously fair when I was 8 or 10, and I was often looking for interesting ways to get back at him for the un-fightable deadarms.

One summer, a family of garter snakes was living on our terrace, underneath a stone step. This included at least one adult snake and a few baby snakes. One day during that summer, my dad watered the garden on the terrace. This watering effort managed to drown two baby snakes. As the baby snakes were drowned, they didn't really look much different from live snakes. This was quickly grasped by my 9-year-old mind, and I drafted my sister into grabbing two empty jars—the kind we kept fireflies in—and putting some grass and twigs. We carefully arranged the dead snakes into these jars in the most lifelike positions as humanly possible. We then put these jars, WITHOUT ANY LIDS, on my brother's pillow and waited.

The scream was pretty epic. He was no more than 12 at the time, so it was that gloriously embarrassing "my voice has broken but not totally settled yet" type of scream.

We had a family friend visiting, so we never really got punished. Only lectured.

To this day, I can't decide whether to feel like an asshole or a genius. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311985#Comment_311985 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=311985#Comment_311985 Mon, 10 Oct 2011 07:14:52 -0700 RenThing
To this day, I can't decide whether to feel like an asshole or a genius.

I chose option C. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312079#Comment_312079 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312079#Comment_312079 Mon, 10 Oct 2011 23:02:37 -0700 government spy
WORD.

COUNT.

Resubmit.

--Si] ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312081#Comment_312081 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312081#Comment_312081 Mon, 10 Oct 2011 23:36:48 -0700 DavidLejeune I chose option C. Genhole. Or possibly Assius. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312105#Comment_312105 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312105#Comment_312105 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 05:42:15 -0700 Comicbookbunny SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312459#Comment_312459 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312459#Comment_312459 Sat, 15 Oct 2011 02:18:32 -0700 D.J.
Anyway, when I was a kid I once saw a spider behind my bed posts. It was the kind of bedpost that was a bunch of individual posts holding up a bar, of sorts. I stabbed in between the posts to kill the spider, but it got away. It was about time for me to bed, but I could not sleep knowing a spider was wandering about my room of it's own accord (this is also a problem that is happening right now). Eventually the creature emerged again on the ceiling. Spotting it, I grabbed a magazine and swatted at it. It fell. I looked around, but it disappeared again. It showed up on the ceiling once more. I swatted at it again. It looked slightly squashed, and I thought it was dead. I grabbed a tissue and plucked it from the ceiling. It was not dead. It leaped out of my hands. I freaked straight the fuck out and ran to get my mom. My mom looked around in her nightgown, bending down around the trash to see if it was there and giving me an awful, terrible flash of her nethers that is hideously engraved into my corneas forever, before giving up. It is all that spiders fault and I crushed it with so much glee when it popped up behind my bedpost again.

Now it is time for me to freak out and try to suck up spiders with a dirt devil and probably really piss off the guy in the room next to me in the process because it is 5am and dirt devils are loud.

Edit: I killed three spiders and I am proud. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312460#Comment_312460 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312460#Comment_312460 Sat, 15 Oct 2011 02:33:10 -0700 government spy
I got the dog story down to 350, hope that's more acceptable.

I was living in Texas with my girlfriend, her mother, my daughter, and the ladies' cats. We tried to keep the cats indoors, but it proved to be impossible. The cats started living outdoors, which was fine, except for the packs of dogs that roamed the farmland.

One of my girlfriend's mom's cats didn't come back, and we figured the dogs got 'em.

I come home from work, and there's this stray dog. He was hurt, and I fixed him up. Well, he stuck around. One night there was a terrible thunderstorm, and we had the front door open, with the screen door closed. Red dog just sat in front of the screen, soaked and staring at us pathetically. I refused to let him in, but the girls and that dog wore me down. He became part of our family after that.

I came home from work, and everyone’s running around; the cats everywhere, and a pack of dogs running through our property. One gets up on the front porch and corners a cat. Out of nowhere, Red shows up, jumps over the porch railing, gets between the cat and the other dog, and starts growling and barking. He chased all three of the dogs off, and we never saw them again.

Red was the most loyal animal I ever owned; except I didn't own Red. I never put a collar on him, and I knew I could never leash him. One day there's a Sheriff waiting for me. He tells me that if I don't chain up the dog, or fence him in, that the county will pick him up, and he'll put him down. I tried to chain him up; he looked at me like I had just beaten him, so I unchained him and let him go. He ran off. Later he came back, and the Sheriff came by and warned me again.

So I took Red, and put him in the car, and drove him a couple counties away. I let him loose on someone's farm, several miles away. I cried the whole way home. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312471#Comment_312471 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312471#Comment_312471 Sat, 15 Oct 2011 07:07:19 -0700 timcgorry
cut to halloween morning. I'm pumped. So I do what any child would have done in the 90's, I put on my rollerskates and took Casper for a walk and roll. I'm not a block down the street when Casper just starts losing his shit, and I pull the choke chain.

I hear a grotesque sound, the sound of broken fleshy important things. My dog falls to the ground. I run over. Casper? CASPER?!?

Hes wheezing, looks confused, I start roller blading as fast as I can back to my house to get my dad, he'll know what to do, he'll fix the problem...

We walk over, I mean, he walks, I still have my blades on, and the first thing he says to me after feeling the dog is "Go back inside, take your fucking roller blades off, and wait for me."

He walks over from the fleshy mound in the distance as I look from the window. He comes back carrying Casper, and puts him in the garage.
Turns out the choke chain was put on backwards by the trainer. When it was supposed to release, it locked, and my dog choked to death.

Ever since then, when dogs bark, I think they're yelling their hate at me.

*I would've called it a Discipline Collar, ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312890#Comment_312890 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312890#Comment_312890 Tue, 18 Oct 2011 20:52:14 -0700 scs
I was scheduled to come on duty at midnight, and had been hanging around in the security station catching up on the previous shifts events. It was getting near midnight, so I headed off to the men's room to use the facilities and change into the convention security shirt. I was in the bathroom stall changing shirts when an attendee walked in, starting using the urinal, and lit up a cigarette.

"This is a non-smoking hotel," said I, from inside the stall.

"What are you going to do," said he, "report me to security?"

I step out of the stall in my orange security shirt and said, "I am security." He stubbed out the cigarette; I started washing my hands. He finished up at the urinal and started to walk out. I said "You should wash your hands."

He came back and washed his hands.

And that, my friends, is what it's like working security at a furcon. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312893#Comment_312893 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=312893#Comment_312893 Tue, 18 Oct 2011 21:10:13 -0700 RenThing
Which con security group do you do volunteer work with? I'm with FLARE in the Bay Area. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=313081#Comment_313081 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=313081#Comment_313081 Thu, 20 Oct 2011 19:54:19 -0700 scs
I've been doing con security for 30 years as part of the Dorsai Irregulars. I first heard of FLARE about 10 years back, but never encountered anybody from the group until last weekend, where Kev showed up at FurFright. We had a very pleasant hour or so chatting, and with luck he'll be doing some upcoming work with us.

Five days later, here you are. Wild.

If you want to drop me an email, my user name is what you see here and I work at the educational institution whose email domain begins 'umich'. ]]> SPINNING YARNS -- the Tell Us A Story thread (3rd Oct - 30th Oct) http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=313095#Comment_313095 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10259&Focus=313095#Comment_313095 Thu, 20 Oct 2011 22:57:33 -0700 RenThing
Kev's pretty cool. I've worked FutherConfusion a few years and that's been a fun and interesting experience. ]]>