2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/ Lussumo Vanilla & Feed Publisher http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=313959#Comment_313959 2011-10-30T02:38:40-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Horrible Warning Si http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1223

Here is your judgement-free space to vent, rant, show-off, smug-it-up, scream silently into the face of Internet apathy, and generally trepan your pressurized consciousness after Another Tough ...

Instructions: Tell us about the last seven suns. Tell us what you hate, what you love, what's pissing you off. Tell us what's broken about the world, tell us what you want. Tell us how you plan to change everything, tell us what you're building in your basement, or, hell, just dance or play a tune.

I, we, and all of us are here for you. Smash your wordvenom against us.

----

I'll start us off. Based on one or two early rumours, which I sincerely hope are nothing more than that, I'm hearing that a stalwart of the comics and novel-writing worlds - as well as a respected member of various online communities I've been a part of myself, including the WEF - has left us. RIP Jens H. Altmann.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=313996#Comment_313996 2011-10-30T15:00:14-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

Oh, that's terribly sad. I liked Jens. I remember him from the WEF days.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314002#Comment_314002 2011-10-30T16:29:56-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 trini_naenae http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=183

Hate: How easily I get tired. I ended up not doing fun things last night because I couldn't manage to force myself to get off my ass. Trying to not hate myself for it. Love: Costumes, masks, and ...

Love: Costumes, masks, and dressing up for Halloween.

Pissing me off: Still haven't found an apartment. Every possibility so far has fallen through. Seems I am very capable of making a fool of myself, or too picky, or something. Also, it seems a co-worker has started to dislike me, and while I'm trying to not let it get to me, it is frustrating. It isn't the first time a co-worker has gotten cranky at me because I'm not an incredibly fast worker. I try my best and push myself hard, but I do get tired and sometimes my focus isn't there. Granted, these are also the same sort of people who get mad at me for using big words. Yes, I like odd things and find pretentious language amusing. I also like to abuse language with pop culture nonsense. Fucking hell.

Broken about the world: Too much to list.

Wanted: To not be a fuck up anymore. Seems unlikely.

Things I'm working on: I'm finishing some masks that I'm using for my costume (cat burglar). The costume is generally finished otherwise, except I'm at a loss of what to do for a utility belt/bag.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314015#Comment_314015 2011-10-30T20:02:36-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Rootfireember http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1551

A friend of mine at the local college was recently found dead. They think it was a murder. It's changed the feeling of Halloween for me and my friends. It's scary not knowing... Is there a guy out ...

But I don't think that will really happen.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314023#Comment_314023 2011-10-30T21:21:11-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 trini_naenae http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=183

@Rootfireember: Wow. I'm very sorry to hear it. I hope whatever the cause is, it is the least sinister possibility. Just... damn.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314026#Comment_314026 2011-10-30T21:39:08-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 StefanJ http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=961

Hmmm. Sunday evening, and I've managed to totally avoid starting work on an RPG project I've finally begun getting enthused about again. Maybe if I become a caretaker at a isolated wilderness ...

@Rootfireember: I just heard one of my college buddies is having troubles, and have been feeling pretty bad about not being able to help . . . but losing a friend outright under awful circumstances like that takes the cake. I sure as hell it turns out to be a joke, but it not, hang in there and take care.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314029#Comment_314029 2011-10-30T23:00:43-07:00 2011-11-01T22:53:44-07:00 Vornaskotti http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6665

I'm looking at two months where I'm essentially trapped doing three jobs at the same time. Last week the work days averaged to about 16 hours, including Saturday, and looks like that's how it's going ...

Wouldn't be so bad, I guess, unless I was literally more broke than I was when unemployed. Adds a whole new flavor to the stress.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314030#Comment_314030 2011-10-30T23:26:11-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 razrangel http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2075

@Root *hug* I'm sorry you've lost a friend in such a terrible way. And you can't quite grieve until you know you don't have to fear for yourself and all the other folks near to you. Hang in ...

Fighting to get my feet under me, to not be surprised & flatfooted when every day brings new demands. Even the ones I anticipated I don't feel quite ready for. How obnoxious. I really wanted to make more of this October, and it's been all I could do to just keep breathing. I do have a bit too much on my plate and there's not much I can do about that for a while. However, it's not so much that a truly competent person couldn't handle it, if with some stress. But I'm fighting myself furiously to not fall into my lazy patterns of assuming I don't need to get shit done until I absolutely do...and I don't think I'm winning. Ugh. How annoying.

Tomorrow's Halloween and I want to get up the decorations I've been whining that the house needs. I could have done it this weekend but...didn't. I also have a really big Japanese test tomorrow night (mega suck that it's on Halloween; super uber mega suck that it'll keep me from the Amanda Palmer & Neil Gaiman event at the El Rey) and I'm freaked out about it, pretty sure I'm not ready for it. I could have studied before today but ...uh...

My sister is getting married on Wednesday. She's fought tooth and nail to keep it low key, simple, etc. And yet somehow there's a lot of crap to do anyway. Thank the good lord she's going with simple. WE would all be insane & biting each other, otherwise. I'm resolved not to think about it now until after the test.

I can't remember much of this week that just went by other than there was a lot of family and my dad was sick (he has a bone marrow biopsy coming up), and I've spent it feeling completely discombobulated by trying to find the right way to deal with everything that makes up my life.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314154#Comment_314154 2011-11-01T06:42:27-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 sellmeyoursoul http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=9518

@Root - Wicked sorry to hear about your friend. Saying "that sucks" just doesn't cover it. I'm going in a million directions at once right now. Work has been totally overwhelming for the ...

I'm going in a million directions at once right now. Work has been totally overwhelming for the last several weeks and probably wont let up for another several months.

I'm still trying to work out the custody deal with my ex without having to get lawyers involved and that is going glacially slow. To me there is only one way to do things that is objectively in my daughter's best interest, but my ex "doesn't trust [me]" so we have to take a tiny step forward and then let her decide that it isn't really some ploy on my part to take her daughter from her.

Yesterday in the shower, it occurred to me that some time last week was the 15th anniversary of the murder of a friend of mine so my Halloween started out pretty shite. Fortunately work didn't give me a chance to think much about it and I had a date to look forward too.

The date... it was our third in just over a week. And with the exception of a few political differences (we tend to agree on my personal hot button issues) she appears to be my girl kryptonite. Last night while talking about hardcore bands of about 10 years ago, we realized she's the second cousin of one of my best friends growing up. To add some context, she's from Florida and I'm from just outside of Boston, so we grew up well over 1000 miles apart. We spent an amazing evening with beer and laughter that ended with us standing on the street, snogging in the cold. I didn't get home until about 2am and I'm exhausted, but excited about this shiny new thing in my life. While trying not to get too ahead of myself. It's only been about a week (and three dates and probably 30 e-mails and... See... need to chill out).]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314172#Comment_314172 2011-11-01T11:12:29-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 RandomEntity http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2849

Getting my no-bullshit gaming/nerd blog back up and running has seen all of my extra time since about last Wednesday, I suppose. I started it last year, but then life happened and I couldn't maintain ...

Oh, and I decided that I'm not drinking for the entire month. We really can't afford ANY unnecessary expenses this month, and the $30-$40 I spend on beer in a month falls into that. It just means that I won't be sleeping until 2-3 AM every night and the wife is not going to be happy about going to bed alone. On the other hand, HEY MORE TIME TO DO STUFF!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314173#Comment_314173 2011-11-01T11:17:24-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

@rootfireember - I hope your fear of danger can pass so you get to properly mourn the loss of your friend. @sellmeyoursoul - no. don't chill out. this is the part that is awesome. people are ...

@sellmeyoursoul - no. don't chill out. this is the part that is awesome. people are supposed to go mad and loose themselves like this, they just get conditioned to not do it anymore. That overexhuberant way that you were at age 16 is how attraction and affection is supposed to go. Revel is feeling so alive. Even if it crashes, it's too worth it to be so giddy over the potential of a person to not embrace it. A MILLION EMAILs!!!

(i'm a bit of a ridiculous romantic though. maybe you shouldn't listen to me)]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314177#Comment_314177 2011-11-01T11:50:56-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 oldhat http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=75

Right, so... GOOD: Got a few freelance jobs. One is a regular paying social media job and the other is a photo/film shoot of a Deadmau5 concert on Saturday. The latter involves me picking up ...

GOOD: Got a few freelance jobs. One is a regular paying social media job and the other is a photo/film shoot of a Deadmau5 concert on Saturday. The latter involves me picking up some gear that lets me do timelapse photography (my camera will be left for about three days, with me coming in every 12 hours to change the SD card) and that's...pretty exciting. It was hell to find the gear, but I'll be picking it up tonight with test runs being set to go tonight and tomorrow.

I also went to my first beer event on Sunday which was a LOT of fun, but in hindsight I should have brought a friend to watch over me and I should have drank a lot less than I did. When I miraculously got home alright I was in pretty bad shape. But I guess I'm good now. Still, fun event.

Also got told that I might be on television in January. A lifestyle-type show is interested in having me come on and talk about beer and the thirsty wench. I'm to follow up in a couple of weeks and see if there's a confirmed date/time they have in mind.

ALSO also, my beer, Pumpkin Patch Panic, turned out wonderfully.

BAD: Well, aside from the events of Sunday seeming to really mess up my stomach (I get motion sickness very easily right now)...not a whole lot. Just general feelings of dread and feeling my singleness more and more as friends tell me about their relationships.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314199#Comment_314199 2011-11-01T14:26:14-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 JP Carpenter http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2485

@Rootfireember: That's horrible - shocking when someone dies suddenly, Especially if there is suspicion that it was deliberate. @sellmeyoursoul: ha ha, yes what Rachael says! that's the fun ...

@sellmeyoursoul: ha ha, yes what Rachael says! that's the fun part... Good luck with it all

@oldhat: great news about the jobs, and about being on telly.


I'm just treading water really. After one day last week where I felt really good, I'm back to feeling various degrees of rubbish. really, really frustrated today – I had no meetings in my diary at work, and was expecting to get a lot done, but just ended up totally unable to concentrate or focus on anything, lost a huge amount of time fiddling pointlessly with Illustrator, and ended up going home having achieved nothing. I've got a full day of meetings tomorrow, and probably am about a week behind were I need to be without anything like the energy I need to deal with it.

In good news: my middle daughter started her new school yesterday, and seems to really like it – even though they seem to have some really weird morning ritual involving lining up and dancing to Abba. But she seems happy to have moved, which is the main thing. And we went to my oldest daughter's parents evening tonight, talked to her teachers for maths and English, and she seems to be doing really well – especially in her writing where she's a couple of levels ahead of where they expect her to be right now. So very pleased about that, as I was a little bit nervous of being told that she was a borderline sociopath, given the way she's been behaving at home...]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314203#Comment_314203 2011-11-01T14:32:24-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 sellmeyoursoul http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=9518

@Rachael - I'm totally reveling in it. First kisses last night - Win! More please. But one horrible 10 year long relationship/messy divorce after the last time I just let myself completely go, I feel ...

@Oldhat - Um... relationships... kissing... who likes that? Bah! (I'll shut up now before I become yet another #robinleblancfacts statistic)]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314215#Comment_314215 2011-11-01T16:25:48-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Cameron C. http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4226

Last night at 1:44 am I sent my third ~30 page comic (This one is I think only 25 pages of story, though ;_; ) to be printed in the last three years. I started trying to do this right after I lost ...

And this morning I signed all the papers and stuuuuuuff and I have video training sessions Thursday and Friday and a full shift on the floor Saturday at my new job. first in THREE YEARS AND IM SO EXCITED OMGUH.



It doesn't look like it'll be too many hours, but I'm in a very fortunate living situation right now and it's close enough that I can walk to work if I don't wanna spend the gas. This should be enough to let me get by. Kinda nice 24 hours it's been D:]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314278#Comment_314278 2011-11-02T09:54:45-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Fauxhammer http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=27

I started plotting a novel today (not as part of NaNoWriMo). what the fuck is WRONG with me

what the fuck is WRONG with me]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314298#Comment_314298 2011-11-02T13:34:27-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 icelandbob http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=5250

Fist things first... @Root - Sorry to hear about your friend. that's no way for a person to go. Truly sorry. @Singularity Jones - Keep it up Jon. We'll shoot the shit when i next get down to ...

@Root - Sorry to hear about your friend. that's no way for a person to go. Truly sorry.

@Singularity Jones - Keep it up Jon. We'll shoot the shit when i next get down to London.

@Oldhat - if you go on TV, YOU MUST PUT THIS ON YOUTUBE!

Right now down to business....

so Sigga finally went to the fertility doctor last week. And... it's actually fairly good news! apparently her reminaing overy is still functioning well. However It looks like Sigga's internal layout is pretty hostile to conceiving properly which may explain our difficulties. The doc doesn't want to waste time, so we go for blood tests later this week and then we're going to do some "Turkey Baster" fertility methods - sexy... This of course all costs money, one procedure costing approx $560 dollars. This means that i have to start writing like an aggressive motherfucker to earn some bread to pay for it.

But it's still game on to produce the Golden child.

Another thing happened to me recently. Last night i received this package from an old school firend...



I had no idea what was in it. When i opened the package, i found a DVD with a note saying "Sorry it took so long. Remember this?" so i put the DVD on...

It was a primary school production of "The Pirates of Penzance" and i played the part of the Major General. I was 11-ish and a decent boy soprano. Needless to say i died several lives of shame througout the showing. the wife nearly broke a rib in laughter. God i was a chunky child.

Peple have asked me to upload a section - THEY CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES! I'M not falling for that one again. But to keep you off my back, here is a screenshot...



Angelic eh? NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314370#Comment_314370 2011-11-02T20:17:09-07:00 2011-11-02T22:14:35-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

I'll be letting that collaborative site of mine (The Sticky Friends) expire in three days. It's... healthy to do. And it's pointless to keep. But it does feel weird. I'm a hoarder of online content, ...

The Sticky Friends) expire in three days. It's... healthy to do. And it's pointless to keep. But it does feel weird. I'm a hoarder of online content, and I really do like most of what we created together, but... it's not something i should tie myself to anymore.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314373#Comment_314373 2011-11-02T20:24:31-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 mister hex http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4411

Ahem. Is this thing on? I have an amusing story about my friend's child. His name is Jack and he's four and, predictably, went out for Halloween recently. Dressed as a car, if you must know -(a ...

I have an amusing story about my friend's child. His name is Jack and he's four and, predictably, went out for Halloween recently. Dressed as a car, if you must know -(a cardboard box with WORKING HEADLIGHTS- this is important, the boy's two principle obsessions are cars and light bulbs, for some reason.) Now, this was a bit tough, as he's four, strapped into a cardboard box, with lights and presumably some sort of power supply, so he had a hard time going up steps and ALL the houses in his neighborhood have steps up to the front door.

So the first fifteen minutes of trickortreating, he's polite and all "thank you" and "please". After this, he'd bang on the door and declaim in a vigourous voice only a four year old boy could replicate "WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR ME?!"

@ icelandbob - we always KNEW you were the Very Model, sir. How are you at Differential Calculus and Beings Animalculus? (You realize WE'LL NEVER LET YOU LIVE THIS DOWN and will heartly ridicule you for this, once you're shanghai'd to entertain us in Canada. Oh, how we'll laugh.)]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314387#Comment_314387 2011-11-02T21:49:50-07:00 2011-11-02T21:54:32-07:00 dispophoto http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=4498

ugh. spent two hours in a dentist's chair this afternoon getting another tooth pulled out & implant inserted. the first time i had this done, i was in & out in 45 minutes. this time, the ...

oh, and pain.

holy mother of fuckin' jump-shot jesus. it got to the point where he had to inject novocaine inside the drilled-out hole onto the nerves directly.

i'd post the yanked tooth on the SPIT thread like i did a few years ago, only this one isn't doesn't possess a root that's all green and has the insides all corroded out from the bacteria chewing away at the metal pin (although it's starting to go to that route, which is why i had it yanked). but as of this moment all my firewire & USB ports are plugged up with external HDs & my MBP's rendering non-stop a total of 93 videos in AE since... 21 hours & 59 minutes now. there's still 25 videos left to go. honestly can't wait to get this shit video job done & over with.

oh wait... photobooth works! here's a crap pic for now:



i'm just happy my fiancée was there with me this time around.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314391#Comment_314391 2011-11-02T22:22:44-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 flecky http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8949

Hello o faithful Whitechapel..i've been away from this haven of sanity for far to long.Feel like a stinking English traitorous guilt ridden piece of ham on the slab.. DETOX UPDATE: Proud to say ...

DETOX UPDATE: Proud to say i've not used any class a street shit since last here..sticking to the suboxone meds whilst the truely vile methadone is seeping out my body and soul like rancid fucking boiled cabbage rotten vanilla stench of death stirred with toxic steel heads spurting death on the tubeline of Shepherds Bush London..

Once again i must stress my utter hatred of methadone..it makes a three day "cluck" (Cold turkey) from heroin seem like a walk in Ravenscourt Park..I will never ever forget ive allowed a drug formulated by the nazi's during world war 2 to rob me of my life..Hitler would be laughing insanely as he squatted to take a sex piss on England..
There have been days ive just managed to get supplies in to my council flat detox ward after attending NA meets in poncy Notting Hill and a truely toilet blocked sinking place called The Den off Ladbroke Grove W10..the place was used to stash cadeverous cretins of constipated bowel death..the air is ripe with the stench of human error..shit obviously getting to me as i had a surreal nitemare about desending into it alone the other night.

sigh..fooksake..the dreams one has getting clean..pure existential warped el twisto..i wake from these epic excursions into deranged dementia shaking unable to crawl out of my stink pit to get a brew and a fag together as i reel in pure staring into the void stuff of tip toe razerblade teen anxiety..and im an old bastad!!

The fury and the lust of emotions is just overwhelming.I fit the profile of a serial killer.Yet now all the trappings of ego have gone i have no identity to fall back on..on the whole ive always prided myself as being a addict with high morals.Ive never mugged anyone and used to support my addiction by working hard or petty crime..or ripping of prescriptions from GPs etc.
Even if the filth where reading this mindshite they got nowt they can pin on me.Absolutey nothing so i dare you "Nick me you spastard fucks"

So..crap aside..i really dont know how im alive.The violence and death i've seen..i've got to see a good shrink to deal with survivors guilt etc.

So o my sisters and brothers of the legendary Freakangel Clan...tis time for me coffee.I hope everyone is handling life as best they can.

Laters!!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314393#Comment_314393 2011-11-02T22:46:38-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 razrangel http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2075

flecky you motherfucker you had us worried!! Glad you're still up and kicking life in the balls.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314398#Comment_314398 2011-11-02T22:53:57-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Fishelle http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8854

We were worried about you, Flecky. Glad to see you're still alive and detoxing. As for me, I think I might be able to get my bachelors degree in one year less time than I planned originally. It'll ...

As for me, I think I might be able to get my bachelors degree in one year less time than I planned originally. It'll mean 15 credits a semester, but having 14 this semester, I think I could handle that. I would also have to choose between lithography and screenprinting, I couldn't take both. I think that will mostly depend on who's teaching what. The biggest thing is there needs to be one magical Art History class that fills another graduation requirement. The only reason I figured out I can do this much, though, is because of a magical Art History class that fills another graduation requirement, so... hope?

If I could finish school here in 2 years with my grades being decent, I will for sure graduate debt free. I wouldn't have to renew my full tuition scholarship (which is difficult at best here, mostly impossible from what I've heard).

But the biggest reason I want to be done by summer of 2013 is probably silly. You see, this boy that I love is coming back from a Mormon mission in June, then going to the school I went to before. He's planning on one year there, then off to adventure in New York or Australia or something. So if he sticks to his plans and I'm not done with school yet, we'll have to be separated again. Possibly with me in Utah and him in New York City again. And I'm feeling pretty done with this distance. But if we finish with our Utah schools at the same time, I could go with him wherever he wants to go. Or if he changed his mind and stayed in Utah a little longer with me finishing school in a year, it'd be possible to be with him in the town where I went to school before, where we met, which is one of my favorite places in the world.

I mean, I know it's silly. I kind of have to go over these sort of plans with the boy in question before really making them. And there's still a year and a half between now and when I graduate (if everything goes right) for everything to go wrong. But I've never wanted anything to work out so much in my whole life.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314402#Comment_314402 2011-11-02T23:31:24-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 glukkake http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1693

Haha, I love having to remind someone that I might possibly have emotions that maybe it would be nice if they would mind once in a while and then defend myself as not being irrational for having ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314422#Comment_314422 2011-11-03T06:00:46-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

Flecky - if you want to feel the whitechapel looooooove, check out the previous Open Mic thread. We were talkin' bout ya.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314424#Comment_314424 2011-11-03T06:35:36-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Flabyo http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1306

@dispophoto - had a root canal last year that required them to do an injection right into the nerve. I swear, that is probably the most pain a male can ever experience...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314445#Comment_314445 2011-11-03T09:41:22-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 sellmeyoursoul http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=9518

Oh I could tell you kids stories about pain. Just you wait until the theme of the Spinning Yarns thread is "Medical horror stories" As for needles to nerves, try having a room full of ...

As for needles to nerves, try having a room full of fresh out of med-school interns trying to get a needle from your tailbone up to your lower back through your spine without the attending present. For about 20 minutes. Whoo eee! Good times.

@Flecky - Gald to hear you're doing OK mate.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314447#Comment_314447 2011-11-03T10:19:19-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 nelzbub http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=10569

@ Flecky- good to see you back mate, missed your ranting. @ dispophoto- sympathies for the dental horrors, still the most barbaric form of medicine. I won't share my own dental nightmares because ...

@ dispophoto- sympathies for the dental horrors, still the most barbaric form of medicine. I won't share my own dental nightmares because they make me feel queasy just thinking of them. Suffice to say that I'm a few short of the full quota of teeth.
@ everyone else, as ever, sympathies for your woes good luck with your struggles.
For my own part, this week has been ok. Drunken fancy dress at my local on monday, with a couple of days off to recover during which I trimmed my little garden harvest and played x-box with my girl and chilled in my dressing gown.
got a busy month ahead, my folks are over for a visit next week which should be fun. And then the cannabis cup will be in town and I've got three different jobs to try and fit into a week- shifts in the coffee shop, more in a friends' bong shop and then another manning a stall at the expo. Going to be a busy week but I can't moan as I'm going to need to start putting funds aside. The coffee shop is losing its license at the end of the year and I'll be back to looking for work in the dead of winter when there are very few tourists and hence not a lot of work to be had in the industry.
The clocks going back this week has reminded me that I've always struggled with winter in this city. I think it's something about the lack of a horizons and a generally very narrow view of a predominantly grey and dismal sky. It seems to effect me much more than I ever noticed elsewhere. Glasgow could be pretty grim in the winter but, I think, because you can almost always see out of the city to the hills I never felt so enclosed as I do here in Amsterdam.
I've often said that when the sun is shining on amsterdam there is nowhere else i would rather be, but I really wish I could get my life to a place where I could piss off out of here every year as soon as the new year fireworks craziness had ended and not come back till April when the sun comes back. One day, I hope this will happen. Until then- nice things for nice people-shit sandwiches for the shits.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314448#Comment_314448 2011-11-03T10:52:57-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 taphead http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2284

@ everyone - Stay sane and reasonably safe. I've said it before and I'll say it again: If 2011 had a face, I'd punch it, and keeps swinging for all of you. Meanwhile in Finland. This year I've ...

Meanwhile in Finland. This year I've lost two ladies, one cat and not just my job but my entire field of work. Last week I got to add a band to the list, as it turned out I was not exactly a good match for a blues/glam rock band. I'm still neck deep in debt, and getting more than a bit nervous about the way things seem to be heading. When not busy busy, I'm mostly lonely and rather tired.

Right now I'm like a shark (not Bob, though, as I'm slow). I'm fine as long as I don't stop. It's not quite as awesome as it sounds.

Hope this finds you well.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314456#Comment_314456 2011-11-03T12:15:34-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Rootfireember http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1551

Local murder was apparently not a murder. Thanks, local news, for spreading needless panic. :P In anycase I'm glad it's 'safe' to go outside again. I actually saw the sun today.

:P

In anycase I'm glad it's 'safe' to go outside again. I actually saw the sun today.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314457#Comment_314457 2011-11-03T12:18:58-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Alan Tyson http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1299

Oh, wow. That's good to hear, Roo... I mean, all things considered.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314513#Comment_314513 2011-11-03T22:06:53-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

Good: Food stamps! YAY! Bad: Brain swelling no longer wrangled into submission by antibiotics and morphine. ohgodpain.

Bad: Brain swelling no longer wrangled into submission by antibiotics and morphine. ohgodpain.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314518#Comment_314518 2011-11-03T22:52:35-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 RenThing http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=155

@taphead My sympathies, mate. @Rootfireember Yay! ...Yay?

My sympathies, mate.

@Rootfireember

Yay! ...Yay?]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314535#Comment_314535 2011-11-04T08:19:20-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Pooka http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=216

I just got back from a five day toy buying trip to southern florida. I had hitched a ride with some folks that had their own business to attend to and my business partner came along with me. The ...

Another good thing. I tried alligator, and it was pretty good.I only managed one small breaded popcorn chicken sized bite, but it was fairly yummy.I also got treated to lobster but it was only a small tail and it was terribly overdone and tough. You'd think they'd do better there. The best part was the slices of florida red navel orange and fresh cut tangerine I ate. It was a sample at this little fruit stand we stopped at. I ended up paying fifteen dollars for a bag of the oranges. I had to. They were the most delicious fruit. All sun and warmth and vitimins just bursting forth. mmmMMmm...I haven't broken into the bag yet because they are too big for me, Ill have to split one with my husband when he wakes up. I'm always tempted when I go to florida, to jump the fences and raid the orange groves...heh.
It was really nice having a couple of days of florida sun in the middle of november. When I made it back to KY it was fourty some degrees (F), in Florida it was in the eighties and sunny. I think the vitimin D was kinda good for my mood.

In other news, I gave up on my new bar. They've refused to answer me, so I sent a message to the bar I used last time. We'll see if they are still interested. I'll give them a week. If they don't answer me, then I'll just have to push on. Surely someone will be interested in making some money. I've proven I can make it work. I've put at least a dozen conventions and small events together. Everyone always has a blast and all my guests seem to really like working with me. I really hope I can put this together.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314598#Comment_314598 2011-11-05T05:32:01-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 texture http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1472

Things that are pissing me off: The magazine I helped set up in 2005 has become a pile of corporate wank. And decided on a new banner slogan: INDEPENDENT CULTURAL JOURNALISM. Aye, like fuck, ya ...

Things that are pissing me off:

The magazine I helped set up in 2005 has become a pile of corporate wank. And decided on a new banner slogan: INDEPENDENT CULTURAL JOURNALISM. Aye, like fuck, ya bams.

Making music and playing gigs is like banging your head off of a brick fucking wall.

I've got to be goddamned crazy to believe I will ever finish writing a novel. Even after weeks and weeks of not smoking weed, I'm just as lazy, forgetful, evasive and downright cliched-in-the-wordpan as I was before, I'm not able to hack this shit.

I've spent my savings on this course, and I'm going to meander through it half-heartedly just like I meandered through my twenties.

I've caused not one but TWO girls to leave Facebook entirely in the last two years. It was their fault but.... it occurs to me I'm a MASSIVE WANKER.

... and I just won't shut the fuck up with the constant WHINING.

Things that are cheering me up:

I still quite enjoy writing for that magazine... I might get to intreview Zach Hill this month. If I'm lucky they'll even pay me twenty quid.

I played a gig last night. Some people (about 20 or so) came. Made sixteen quid. Nae bad.

I say I'll never finish the (bastard) novel, but I did manage about 5000 words last week. It might be shite, but it's on the page now.

Fuckit... money's for spending anyway.

Facebook is full of dickheads, now there are two less...

Okay, I'ma shut the fuck up now.

Big love Whitechapel!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314609#Comment_314609 2011-11-05T08:00:58-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 taphead http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2284

Bram's turn at the mic there spurred me to figure out the flipside, too. (I remain ever the optimist, but I think I had to get the mope out of my system there.) Of the two relationships that ended ...

Of the two relationships that ended this year, one may well have just become more unhealthy with time, and the other one has since evolved into a thoroughly amazing friendship.

The cat was fortunately diganosed before she was in too bad a shape, and she didn't have to go through any futile and painful treatments. The other cat (both are staying with the ex/bff) has since become incredibly social and friendly, and he used to be the most timid thing ever.

The work is something I've been getting more and more tired with, and so a forced change of field is not necessarily a bad thing at all. Time to put more energy into the things I actually love.

The band gave me an opportunity to try the whole rock band thing, and the twice-a-week reherseals came in handy. Plus, I may get something cooking with the bass player who got canned at the same time as I. (Incidentally with SMSs! Classy!)

The debt is still there, but I think I may have whittled it down to four digits, so it will get done, with time. And at least I haven't been digging any deeper into the whole for years now.

I have friends. I'm involved in several things in the local music scene and getting a hefty dose of energy from that.

Still moving, and ahead instead of in circles.

Thanks, all. And good luck to you and yours.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314612#Comment_314612 2011-11-05T08:16:58-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 flecky http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8949

@ -T-E-X-T-U-R-E-: aye mate...can feel the anger! And tis a facto..i have nowt but contempt for the dreaded facebook...yet paradoxically i've never been on it.So i bear a resentment made from a ...

These are the things i think about as i sharpen my axe..as i stare drooling in the psychocandy store!

Aaaiiee!!!Reality beckons..

oh...forgot..got my wage packet from involuntary work..was huge..massive..dont know what to do with it! Should i move to a more respectible area of Mother London?...knightsbridge.I've always wanted to degrade that bastad.Or,one thinks,Chelsea..yes i will be right at home with all the soFistos!!!Dead eye gits!!
Yes.£20.Its such a burden to carry.I'm rich! loaded!Fookin' king emperor of everything i value! Lord of my own midget carnival travelling flea husk circus!!
Seriously though..should i buy a porche? I know this bloke..does fookin wicked deals.Two brand new motors for £25..Good bloke..nice wife(fooked 'er!)..couple of good kids(little shits!)

20 fookin quid..sigh..something not right going on..a grown man.works.end result..

£20!!

I'm cringing in a world of shame as i tap this in..stop laughing at me!!
The sad thing is i felt proud getting it..now thats the stuff of nitemares!!

£20!!

And,being a pervert,i want more!!Now!!May do a bit of over time..visions of £25!! Extacikus!!Bolox!!Poxus!!The game is afoot...have at ya!!!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314613#Comment_314613 2011-11-05T08:47:11-07:00 2011-11-05T10:05:19-07:00 government spy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6088

So, I'm still writing my... I dunno what you call it. The collection of my stories & anecdotes? Each one is maybe a page or two, a couple of pages or more in some cases. I'm up to 34,593 ...

My girlfriend says that I tend to tell most of my stories with a kind of an emotional detachment, as if they happened to someone else and I am just reciting the anecdote. She thinks it might be a bit of a survival tactic due to some of the things I've been through. Sometimes she thinks I have PTSD.

Either way, this thing is different. For one, it's taking up about 10% of the collection so far. Is that too much? If one story is ten times longer than the rest. In some ways, I think it could be seen a s a climax, if this were a novel, but it's not a novel; it's just a retelling of things that happened. It would be a climax in the way the description of the tyrannosaurus was a climax in A Sound of Thunder.

It's also different as that the telling has become harder than any other tale. I don't know if I can post it here. I haven't finished it, while just about every other story was written in one sitting, possibly edited sometimes afterwards.

I'm completely new at taking writing seriously. It's a foreign concept to me. Am I taking it too seriously? Should I just write what comes to mind (as I've been doing) and just keep at it until the well runs dry? Do people actually want to read the depressing yet life-changing story in the middle of my embarassing stories and horrible roommates and worst jobs and prison tales?]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314614#Comment_314614 2011-11-05T09:10:53-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Flabyo http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1306

@govspy - A story is as long as it takes to tell it, some will run longer than others and there's nothing wrong with that.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314615#Comment_314615 2011-11-05T09:14:12-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Fishelle http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8854

Do people actually want to read the depressing yet life-changing story in the middle of my embarassing stories and horrible roommates and worst jobs and prison tales? Yes. Keep going. Also, what ...

Do people actually want to read the depressing yet life-changing story in the middle of my embarassing stories and horrible roommates and worst jobs and prison tales?

Yes. Keep going. Also, what Flabyo said.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314621#Comment_314621 2011-11-05T11:26:00-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Morac http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=10266

@GovSpy Even if you ultimately decide that it doesn't fit your collection, write it anyways and package it separately. It sounds like you have already decided that it should be told, all you have to ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314631#Comment_314631 2011-11-05T13:21:32-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 Alan Tyson http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1299

@govspy It's not fiction, so not all of the same rules that I follow apply, but in my experience you gotta let the story do what it wants. You can always edit it down later, but during the actual ...

Besides, I'm the guy who spent six posts relating an epic tale of roommate hatred - I'm the LAST person to tell you to keep your verbage to a minimum!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314633#Comment_314633 2011-11-05T13:33:51-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 government spy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6088

Thanks everyone. First bit's up.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314640#Comment_314640 2011-11-05T15:21:09-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 razrangel http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=2075

@flecky That's Whitechapel for you, on the side of people who are true and arse-kicking the people who just come to be shitheads. We're glad you're making better choices, glad you're fighting to be ...

@govspy What Alan and Morac said: write the story you have to write, edit later. The only caution I would even consider is don't hide from your stories or let them turn into fictions. They're amazing and compelling because they're true. I don't think you'd be dishonest, you don't seem to have that about you. So it's not even a concern I think you need to have. (I just keep remembered the line from Gaiman's Sandman "Never trust writers, my dear. Writers are liars." You'd have to get philosophical to apply that to non-fiction.)

It's been a mad week. Started off with Halloween and a big Japanese test. I wasn't really ready for Halloween and a little bit (but not as much I would like) prepared for Japanese. So I didn't costume this year. Which is somewhat horrible. There's a good chance this was the first time I ever missed dressing up. Ordinarily I'd worry that this means I'm going numb but the times aren't ordinary around here. I spent October running full tilt between a friend going through hard times, huge events, theatre shows, visiting and subsequently engaged friends, family illness, and oh yeah, trying to represent like a voice actor (hah!), taking an improv class 40 miles away, studying Japanese and attempting to get in 10 hours of community service every week. It didn't work out as planned, but little in life ever does.

Tuesday I did some community service and found out the lady who runs the place was inflating my hours. My accounting has me at eleven hours total. Hers has me at more than twice that. I know she did because she's just being nice to me and rounding up my days. But I know she's also harder on other people. IF she decides she doesn't like your attitude (and sweet baby jesus I cannot begin to guess what she measures by) then your time at the food pantry is going to be a lot tougher. It's the funny thing about retelling the characteristics of a person that I've always had trouble with. I'm surprised by her casual prejudices, her racism and homophobia, her summary judgments... but it's because she can be very sweet and patient and helpful. And I try to explain this to others, that she's a kind and caring person who harbors a propensity for snap judgment that makes her a bigot. And I know that it's not any kind of expectation on me that I should call her on it. I'm not precisely scared that she'll get mad at me if I asked her to knock it off. It's far more that I don't know how to handle this situation - however every time I try to bring it up to someone how to handle it I'm told it's not for me to handle it. Well, I know that telling someone they are being prejudiced doesn't tend to do anything. But that's just it...what does work? Or how can someone be made to see how they've made snap decisions about someone that are a little unfair. It's hard to say totally unfair when she really does work with some of the dredges of society. But.... *sigh*

On Wednesday my sister got married. Um. It was crazy. And it was nice. And I toasted her off the cuff and got misty eyed. And then I had Japanese class. I showed up in most of the stuff I wore to the wedding - no time to change more than my shoes and pants - including hair & makeup. So everyone exclaimed at my appearance. Nice to know I still clean up good.

Since then it's been all about watching my niece, the dog & the cat. And having it reinforced that I don't want kids or pets. Little breathing in my own time and space, and almost nothing for taking care of my own stuff. (Improv class on Thursday night was a welcome respite.) My room and bathroom are a disaster from wedding prep. The idea is to take care of it today. Um... oh dear.

The coming week, hell this month, I try, try, try again to get on top of my life. So tired of fucking saying that and utterly failing. Fucking tired. I really have to get my shit in order and take ownership. Just having a demo doesn't mean squat if I don't shove it into people's ears. BTW listen here. And I'm achey from not exercising everyday. And I'm not taking care of my voice. And I don't have a daily regimen for studying. ...And I want money to just fall on me? Ugh. I have to own this shit.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314664#Comment_314664 2011-11-05T21:45:24-07:00 2011-11-05T21:47:14-07:00 Rachæl Tyrell http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=552

I am so used to being in great pain, and have become so blase about it, so used to straining at every single simple daily activity, that it does not carry forth any weight when I mention it to those ...

But I am.

I've had days where I was on the verge of suicide, sobbing hysterically for hours upon hours.... and then an unexpected social interaction suddenly pops up, and I can suck it up, smile and engage.

My headaches are returning. They are excrutiating.

I keep losing time. Losing important facts. Not recognizing simple things. i can feel my mind slipping away.

My joints hurt so constantly that... just typing as I stand, right now on my laptop propped up at shoulder height, my forearms supported, my shoulders scream at me and i can't bear to type for more than 30 seconds at a stretch.

My ankle gave out last night just from... walking.

I think I have another kidney stone.

If I have to engage socially with others, or go out somewhere, I need to give myself at least 4 hours of prep time. Joints moving, painkillers kicking in, social anxiety, OCD issues with the panic of getting dressed, etc...

But I'm bred to not show pain. This is why I scream myself out in the void of the internet so much. I don't show pain. It's difficult to allow myself to not smile and be pleasant and entertaining. But it's so tiring.

I can't give in to it and just lay down and relax. Because then I'd never ever do anything. I'm always in pain. There's always something wrong, something breaking, something hurting, something fucked. I'm always pushing myself. and then paying for it.

But to others... I seem fine. I say that I hurt, but I still manage to do things. It's .... exhausting and depressing.

Oh wow, I hope this isn't another kidney stone. But day three of the exact same pain in my lower left abdomen... oooog.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314670#Comment_314670 2011-11-06T01:09:59-07:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 flecky http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8949

@ Rachael Tyrell: Hang in there kiddo.As you know i can relate to you so i wish you all the best. I fookin' hate the internet.just done a massive post and my server had somehow crashed or ...

I fookin' hate the internet.just done a massive post and my server had somehow crashed or whatever.Its bloody awful when that happens.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314746#Comment_314746 2011-11-06T22:12:33-08:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 flecky http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8949

@ All: Thanks loads for all your support.I would list everyone yet fear i would probably miss someone.So a big irish viking Northman sweaty hug from me. Fookin' multitasking here with my mate on ...

Fookin' multitasking here with my mate on phone.Carnage of a torrid inadvertant naive as hell online meeting of minds on a recovery bolox site leading to games of sad lust and jealousy..i would go into the wanky details yet fook i bare my soul to you guys enough as it is.
Have i no pride?A bit..sometimes..does it matter?Emotions are a bitch.If i followed them all the time i swear to fookin' god and me old mate satan this city London would be drenched in vats of coagulated clotted queasy cow blood..
It's 6 a.m in Shepherds Bush.Once again thinking as i tap this mindshite in that some poor sod is probably being turned over by some twisted crackhead junky in the estate over the road from me..
White City..the BBC park..infested with dealers,runners,whores,red faced drunks ranting insanely at each other...]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314783#Comment_314783 2011-11-07T07:59:41-08:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 texture http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1472

@GFovSpy: I literally cannot wait to read your stuff man. You always have the best true-life stories on here, for sure.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314868#Comment_314868 2011-11-07T18:46:06-08:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 government spy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6088

Thanks man. I've had a million artist and musician friends, girlfriends etc. and I always felt like the only one in the group without any talent. This place and all of you in it have made me feel ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10310&Focus=314871#Comment_314871 2011-11-07T18:58:48-08:00 2013-06-19T12:47:57-07:00 dorkmuffin http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=6719

@GovSpy, seriously? I have a woefully short attention span and I make SURE I read every word of your posts.

I have a woefully short attention span and I make SURE I read every word of your posts.]]>