Whitechapel - OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Horrible Warning Si — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 01:36:32 -0800

Urgh. All this moving-house-and-not-having-Internet nonsense has fuckerised the regularity of my thread-creating. Let's get this puppy back to the Friday Morning Starts I had planned for it.

Here is your judgement-free space to vent, rant, show-off, smug-it-up, scream silently into the face of Internet apathy, and generally trepan your pressurized consciousness after Another Tough Week.

Instructions: Tell us about the last seven suns. Tell us what you hate, what you love, what's pissing you off. Tell us what's broken about the world, tell us what you want. Tell us how you plan to change everything, tell us what you're building in your basement, or, hell, just dance or play a tune.

I, we, and all of us are here for you. Smash your wordvenom against us.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Pooka — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 05:14:56 -0800

Trying really hard to move on...
everytime I start up my mp3 list one of the songs he sang for me pops up...
my favorite webshow has him in it...
and he's always on the forfront of my facebook because all my friends up here are friends with him and involved in projects with him. I'd just delete him but that would be assholish considering all this might blow over in a week...and despite how awful he's treated me I still find myself wantig to reconcile. He was so much fun to hang out with...constant entertainment and fun...plus I'm a girl impressed by talent, and my (ex)business partner had it in spades. He was perfect for my art and music shows, and now that's he's talking about leaving the state and kinda hates me now I guess, I'm going to have to start from ground zero again on it.
I loved his music and his stage presence...now I have to find someone that can fill his shoes. I need a dj/actor/musician who can keep a crowd entertained all day for cheap. Preferably someone who writes thier own tracks and can help out with my closing band....for cheap...because I'm putting things together with ten bucks and a ham sammich... he was my business partner in other matters so he was willing to work on commission without garantee of an amount...it's going to take me a while to find someone to replace him, and I'm so god damned frustrated about it...
I guess I'm going to try to make myself wait and see what happens...he could change his mind. It's always something new....
it's driving me crazy to just sit here though.I want...I NEED something to keep me distracted. All my projects I could be working on involved him...
I should NEVER work with friends...I should NEVER NEVER fool around with co workers...
and I should never ever hinge so much on one person...I should always have a backup before I even start...

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Kosmopolit — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 07:54:55 -0800

Nick Cage just spent $2,000 on a steak knife.

And yet people complain about Charlie Sheen blowing HIS money on hookers and blow.

I know which strikes me as the more sensible investment.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Alan Tyson — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:42:26 -0800

@Kosmopolit: Was it a Hattori Hanzo steak knife?

Well, I woke up to a fine surprise this morning. Namely, three jagged shards of glass sticking up out of a bottlecap, and a room that smelled strongly of yeast and pumpkin spices.

Clean your bottles and check your priming sugar measurements, li'l homebrewers. Otherwise, you might roll over in your sleep and slit your own throat.

Had a taste of it last night, though, and when it stays in the bottle (or glass) like it's supposed to, it's quite good!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 09:04:39 -0800

Hookers n Blow?

I met Miss Natalie Sky (one of the performers in the porn) one night at a train station in NJ.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:48:13 -0800

Yeah...being sexual is something that's a bit hard for me to do nowadays. Despite looking and feeling better than EVER, it's...been a while and I'm a bit afraid of that level of intimacy. And as far as relationships and attractions go...haha...yeeeeeeah.

But! Things have actually been really really good for me lately, which has been marvelous. Got a first look of a comic character based on me, got some glorious money for my Deadmau5 gig, enjoyed punching and being punched at boxing (while getting lots of praise over my potential by the seasoned pros), getting another job which is amazing and having someone call me up to tell me that they are giving me three studio lights for FREE and...yeah.

In all honesty I needed this. For the first time in a while I haven't felt like the world has been kicking my ass and I haven't felt like some kind of useless failure. The biggest boost that getting these jobs gave me was the knowledge that someone likes what I do enough to HIRE me and trust me with getting the highest quality. Despite print sales I don't get a lot of people willing to pay me to take pictures and that's been punching my self-esteem in regards to my abilities with photography which is partially why I haven't been taking my camera out as much anymore. Lately anything I've taken just looks like shit to me.

Tonight is also the birthday bash for Black Oak Brewery and while I really do want to go, I've decided that me being alone and drunk in a place that's at least an hour and a half away from my house is a bad combination (Truth be told getting home from Cask Days within the city was a miracle in itself). So I think that a movie rental and a bottle of Barley Wine to sip might do the trick.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 11:35:09 -0800

Also @Pooka, do you have any music up online? I found a myspace page, but there was nothing on it.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 13:21:52 -0800

So, I've been thinking about Allana's reminder of how terrible times can be great emotional fodder for art. Perhaps a bit too literally, I decided to do something. I've started a new tumblr:
QuietNobody.tumblr.com

It is where people can upload and post the love letters they slaved on and wrote with such emotional fury that eloquence that they deserve to be seen by more sets of eyes than only the object of a romance that is no more.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Kosmopolit — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 15:45:59 -0800

Was it a Hattori Hanzo steak knife?

No, it was a hunting knife from some Alaskan specialty store which he says he plans to use as a steak knife.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Beamish — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 15:55:33 -0800

FUCK YOU MATH! Just. Fuck. You.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

outlawpoet — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 19:07:39 -0800

I am channeling all words into nanowrimo, so this will be sparse again.

Broke. Reaching that point where getting the mail is an anxious experience, as I learn exactly how much this month's shortfall will cost me. Just barely keeping up with my responsibilities at work and crashspace, hoping to pull ahead a little bit since my lack of funds means less distraction, but the concurrent lack of energy does as much damage as the other helps.

Really hoping I can finish nanowrimo this year, need to break my two streak of losing. Things are complex on the romance front.

Hoping my work on some scale models will score me a few rides on an exceptionally dangerous vehicle we at crashspace are helping with: molnari g2

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 19:38:18 -0800

So I have learned that there is a beer from a certain brewery that I am allergic to.

Christ. A beer lover and a beer blogger and I'm allergic to beer.

Stuffed sinuses and itchy/burning throat. Jesus, Great Lakes.

EDIT: Cured by Mill Street Barley Wine. And. er. More allergy meds than I care to say.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

trini_naenae — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 23:16:17 -0800

@oldhat: One beer. Maybe it's something in the beer that you're reacting to?

@Beamish: No idea why the math hate on, but it amuses me at least. Hopefully your math troubles will soon be over.

As for me...
Wooo exhaustion. And not sleeping at sensible times. Apparently my aunt has thyroid problems and my mom had some lab work done which pointed out that something was off with her thyroid. So maybe that's my problem? Except that I've had that checked before and it was fine. I guess I'll have to get some blood work done again. Bleh. On the bright side, I'm going to get paid to help make pasties (the British food, less excitingly) for church fundraising because my boss is also an interim pastor (she is nothing like a normal pastor, don't you worry). Oh and hopefully I'll remember to go to the birthday party I'm supposed to go to as well. Ok, exhaustion hitting again. Off to sleep (again).

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

razrangel — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 23:16:48 -0800

@oldhat Watch out with that mixing allergy meds and alcohol. Sounds like fun until you find your heart charging like a spooked horse and your hands are numb.

@Rachael - the quiet nobody sounds interesting but letters written out of emotional turmoil - even when I was writing knowing I wouldn't send it - tended to end up in a mad scribble of "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU" wide black scratches that tore through the paper.

It's been a blah week of keeping up with some things and flailing in other areas. All told, not terribly exciting though there is the part where I have to force myself to face the harder parts of acting - doing actual on-stage stuff I just don't want to do. It always sucks to realize you're somewhere you don't really want to be, have paid the money to be there and now (by virtue of being there) you're expected to perform along the parameters of the class. In an improv class this means rolling with whatever insanity a scene brings, even if it includes having two people yell in each ear their own ridiculous agendas - quick invent something that isn't your usual "Shut The Fuck Up Or I'm Leaving!!" response. But I worked through the suck and I'm very glad I didn't fall to my usual reaction which is to shut down hard and be inaccessible in response to harassment. It's supposed to be ok if it's on stage; they're just playing characters and I'm to develop my character and choices in response. But it pegs my anxieties hard and the primary reason I've stayed far away from improv is precisely because I can't control the situation I'm in; I can't even control who I am and what I'm doing in that situation. It's terrifying and my mental and emotional makeup lead me to shut down and/or flee such situations.

Compound this with single principle of participating in improv - be present! - and my only method of coping is cut off. Normally this means cue the anxiety attack. (Heh, thinking back on it and I'm just about crying. ) But this time I found a couple things to latch onto in other scenes later on, things that could make mad enough to be loud and take charge. The class liked the work but I know it was raw and at a bit of distance. Well, even if the work was shaky I'm hoping I can count on the class as being a bit of a breakthrough; I didn't fall apart, I didn't waste half the class, and I found a reason to carry on attending improv classes even though the thought of facing more situations where I intentionally leave myself somewhere I can't control who I am, where I am, or what's going on around me already makes me want to cry.

I have to admit it trips the thought of quitting. Which is really all the rationale necessary to continue. I stubbornly hold onto situations that are tumbling out of my grasp, even when it hurts. Well then, I'll hold onto what I want to do in my life at the same time I'll see about easing up on the details in the play-pretend few minutes of class.

Still desperate for money. Still pissed that I have community service hours to complete (so much so I keep failing to do them which makes it all take longer which makes me hate it more). Still very worried about my dad. Still not sure what I can do to instill more discipline into my days.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 23:32:31 -0800

Thanks folks. Feeling it start to go away, but my throat feels like sandpaper and it hurts to talk. Hope I'll be better by tomorrow when it's the WC Toronto meet.

Considering what it might be. Likely candidate is the hops, or at least how it is preserved or processed. There could be some oils in the hops I'm allergic to or, if they use sulphite as a preservative, I could be having a reaction to that. Regardless, I'll call the brewery to figure out what they do special and then pop off to an allergist.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Pooka — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 05:08:16 -0800

@oldhat no...i'm just a promoter right now. I want to sing, but haven't been able to find anyone to give me the chance yet.
that myspace page is ages and ages old. I don't even remember my username and password anymore lol

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 05:51:11 -0800

Damn it..got to go and see Uncle Warren in a bit at some comic book madness.In the city of shite.Got the woman on the phone busting my rancid balls

Fooking migraine! She can rant like a psycho at times.

SIGH...

Post my crap mindshite later..

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Pooka — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 06:41:38 -0800

Met an adorable girl on the internets that lives pretty close by. She invited me over to a party last night but I'm still pretty sick, and I'd feel like a contagious ass if I went. I hope that I can trust her and this isn't some horrid rapey plot or anything, but I'm pretty sure I've seen the girl before years ago at a convention we both attended.
She loves horror movies and is all "420 friendly" as it were. She also loves reptiles...i like reptiles :).
Even if we just become friends it's really made me feel better to have someone to show some kind of interest in me.
I feel better this morning. the kids went off with their grandmother for the weekend and it's just been me and my husband and my puppydogs. Today the source of my stress and troubles is coming over to take my husband, two broken xboxes and my broken ps3 to a dude to get the ps3 fixed and maybe do some trading on some controllers and whatnot. I need my gaming systems back. All of mine have died and I'm used a borrowed xbox right now. My ex fwb is still wanting to do business with my husband, and that's fine, but right now I don't want to really deal with him again for a few days. I was starting to calm myself back down and get over the bad emotions tangled up with him. (if you haven't noticed, I work through emotions and situations pretty quickly. I spend a whole lot of time fixated on my major problem until i figure out my best course of action ((taking into consideration the wonderful advice from folks like you)) and so I generally come to an emotional conclusion within a day or so)
I've been clearing my head and resting a lot. I think the combined forced bedrest because of my current horrid headcold, and absence of contact with him has had a good effect on me. We'll see how I feel later today if I have to talk to him, and how he acts towards me. I'm still kinda pissed, but in the same way I'm kinda pissed at my ex girlfriend whom I have to deal with on at least an every couple of days basis due to reasons I don't want to get into right now...

I'm hoping I feel well enough tonight to go out. There's a gay bar here in lex that a female friend/customer of mine wants to go to with me. She's a pretty cool chick, not really someone I'd date or anything but she's fun to hang out with on the rare occasions I've been able to keep my evening plans with her (the last four times I've had to cancel because of one stupid thing after another...some of them being my exfwb)...
Ohhhhh the drama in my life...I'm hoping it turns into some good drama. I'm so tired of one let down after another...
I need some good excitment so I can post in the vile hugging thread instead...

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

government spy — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 08:16:39 -0800

So I just passed thirty days w/out drinking any booze, and going to Al-Anon to support my girlfriend/future fiancee who just quit drinking. She's just passed about 45 days or so clean and sober (and sane? Isn't that supposed to be part of it too?)

She thinks I'm crazy to stand by her, and I agree. I tell her it's because I'm crazy about her. I think I'm probably unhealthy in love with her, and she finds that romantic.

I've been bouncing from midnight shift (11pm-7am) to Days (650am-320pm) back and forth, and my days off have been changing every week. One week I work 8 days in a row, the next I work 3 days, and the next I work 7 days, etc. It's been very hard to keep up with going to Al-Anon meetings every week, and occasionally going to group or family meetings with her, and then other times going to family education meetings without her at the place she does outpatient therapy at.

Also the costs of these things are starting to pile up. Her rehab is costing us like 2 grand, her outpatient care is like 35 a visit, and then she's supposed to visit a shrink, and the first visit is like 300 and after that is 90 a visit. And she makes just a little bit, about enough to cover groceries for us every month, and she was out of work for a month and it put it all on me. Now shes back, just barely under 40 hours a week, and shes working as much as she can, going to AA meetings every day, during her lunchbreak on the days she has outpatient, going in at 8am and not getting home until 9pm or later.

So she's agsosted, and unable to work any extra hours, and pissed at herself for putting us in this situation, and putting the financial pressure on me. I assure her and tell her it will all be fine, and that I can put in some extra hours or whatever, and then we go to a meeting together telling us that codependency is the root of all evils and that's what led to her alcoholism and my enabling. And then I'm broke when it comes to my daughter's 12th birthday and I have to send her a package hoping it's not crap she doesn't like.

And so the (hopefully) future Mrs. Spy thinks I'm amazing because I've been confident and strong and supportive, but all of this is starting to take it's toll. I'm still not going anywhere, and I'm on board with helping her through this, I'm just secretly not as strong as she thinks I am.

And at the same time, I'm sure we're going to make it. I just got my vacation schedule for the next year, and I've got the week of the elusive February 29th off; that will be four years for us. I think that would be the perfect time for me to propose to her. Haven't got a ring yet, or a plan on other than the date, but I already know she'll say yes. And what reservations I have about us at the moment, I feel by the end of February I will have a clearer picture of where we'll be headed, and I'll feel confident that we're doing alright. I expect a semi-long engagement, but I actually think it'll be fun. We're not traditional people by any means, and I think we want just our folks and maybe a friend or two at the actual service. I once told her, all I needed was me and her under a tree for our wedding, and I think that would suit us just fine.

So things are tough, yet looking up in the Spy houshold, and I'm hoping things are getting better for you guys and gals that are struggling too.

Oh, and I just posted about the only time I ever really abused my authority for using my badge in my personal life. But it was for a good cause, I swear!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

JP Carpenter — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 11:56:00 -0800

@Oldhat - there are a few things that I can't drink because something in them triggers headaches like nothing on earth - Rosé, Kronenburg, Stella, Grolsch (not that I'm particularly fussed about any of those).

@GovSpy - glad to hear things are looking up, keep hanging in there. The cost of it all sounds terrifying though - thank god for our good old socialist health system...

Good stuff - we managed to get out for the first time at a weekend for ages today - just a trip to the beach at Hayling Island, hot chocolate on the windy seafront and we had a laugh on the open air gym they've got there. Girls have been fairly cute, which is always nice, littlest one is a bit of a nightmare at the moment, she's a bit rough, and bloody heavy too.

I've also found a new favourite place - have a large beanbag chair in the bedroom and can curl up with my laptop, classical music, an oil burner and get away from the kids and the telly. Which is nice.

Have also started CBT via a phone based service (thank you socialist health system), which I'm giving a go. Starting off with behavioural activation to try and get me out of my fucking horrible lethargy. Got to be worth a try, been fighting exhaustion and total lack of focus for too long.

There's still a lot of stress in the house though, partner is still very fraught, obsessed to a horrendous degree with conceiving again which I'm finding really, really tough to deal with.

But, overall, there's a bit of optimism creeping back.

And now I am hungry and want dinner.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Darkest — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 12:13:09 -0800

Damn just lost my post.

Long Story short My shop is selling things and I feel great being my own boss.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Beamish — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 12:49:23 -0800

@gov Good for the two of you.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Comicbookbunny — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 16:33:23 -0800

just got done shooing all the photographers and hot nekked ladies out of my house. got paid- ate sushi. I walked up stairs at one point to check on the girls and was about to yell about the doors being shut- but well there was a reason it was shut, two of the ladies doing sexy things to each other while photog took pictures (yes they asked him to take pictures of it)

Still can not find someone to do the site- I've requested quotes from several different places (companies and freelance) heard from all of one, they want to know my budget and that is not kosher by me. I'm not keen on someone taking my money and doing a crap site. You tell me how much you need to do those site specifications and what i need to pay to get it.

I'm not worried about price or fast i just know i want nice and artistic set up. I suppose I could overtime my poor graphic artist (had her doing just the main entry page and banner) and just find someone to just throw it all up there or something. I will not have any problems with upkeep or any of the other things after the build. The hubby is more than well versed/qualified to even do me a quick site but there are things he can't do (the" shopping cart" and a few of the layers i need ect.) I do appreciate people wanting to help- but I really do need a good web designer.

You'd figure in this economy me wanting to throw money at people this wouldn't be giving me such a problem. Maybe part of it is Oh noes nekked ladies and fetishes i'm not going to be part of that! I've specified it is totally soft core. Maybe I should just carpet bomb the local art colleges with fliers :/

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 18:02:09 -0800

So. The Kim Boekbinder NYC party thing is going on tonight, and I'm sure there's lots of sexy spillover from the attendees of the Fleshbot awards last night, but I am home. I have a photo gig AND doctor appointment on Monday, and my rheumatologist has decided to not renew my antibiotics, so I can't let myself do anything that will tax me in any way until then to make sure I'll be ok for it. As it is, I fucked up my left hand joints by trying to make my bed. Christ.

Sitting at home ready to devote myself to trying to read my school stuff, I got an email invite from my Dad to Thanksgiving.

My reply was.... No.

It's just not a comfortable scene for me. After trying to rent the beach house twice, and being that I've been facebook "unfriended" by my stepmother, I'd rather not spend another Thanksgiving doing that thing where I see my family twice a year and we all smilingly pretend that I'm part of the family unit; pretend that I even get any communication from them to be present aside from when extended family will be witness. My presence at Thanksgiving would be a farce.

But moreso, I really don't have any emotional stamina to engage with people who have consistently hidden, minimized, mocked, denied, or blamed me as the cause of my illnesses, and continue to do so. I just don't have the energy, nor room for that kind of stress.

I've decided to try to make a stand and cut out the people from my life who make me cry whenever I think about them. That seems a good idea, right? I mean, on paper, it's sound. But... well... there go most of my family members and the fellow who became my universe for four years. It's really difficult to tastefully duck away from family in the digital age, too.

I also get crazy emails from my narcissistic mother on a weekly basis. She is really like a combination of the two female leads of "Arrested Development", the mom from "Spanking the Monkey", and some Faye Dunaway "Mommy Dearest" thrown in there.

God, I want to leave the country. For so many reasons. But right now, just so that I can be far enough away so that the charade of my being a part of a family will get to finally die. When I can pretend they don't exist, it makes my past just a collection of events that are great for storytelling, or some great loathesome characters for a sitcom. Not the depressing reality that makes me cry.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

256 — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 18:06:23 -0800

@comicbookbunny - crossing over from the Questions Thread: if you know people who are in the Exciting Photos biz, is there an opportunity to network and see if anyone can recommend a site-builder based on a good experience?

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Kosmopolit — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 20:46:27 -0800

Whoever is responsible for maintaining the Diamond Comics inventory database (assuming anyone is) needs to be fired.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 23:39:35 -0800

Hello Whitechapel you dodgy little fucker.

I will read all your stuff when i've stopped shaking like the messed up giant piece of psychoplasm that i've evolved into.

Saying that though..

@government spy: read a bit of your post and let me just say i am real proud of the both of you.The twelve step programme can be a bit of a pain at times yet,for some bizarre reason,it does seem to work.The literature is just as important as going to as many meetings as possible and doing step work on paper is where the real work is at.I've been trying to do step two.."We came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"
Ha!I reckon i'm going to be stuck on that one for the remainder of my life.I don't even know if i want to be restored to sanity!Well,i do,but you know what i mean?!

I fell like crap at moment.The plague is spreading fast across London.I got some sort of virus cold thing that apparently is messing up loads of flesh.I've got (cough cough splutter sniff! cough pain aching head) to be really fucking careful i don't let it mutate into something worse as my central nervous system is trashed because of my detox without end and speaking of which..

DETOX UPDATE: Fooking Fooking Fooking Fuck!!This is really kicking the shite out of me.I feel a bit ashamed to say that this may take longer than i thought.Ah,fook it..i can't last out any longer.Going to take my poxy little med pill now.I'm totally off the evil vile disgusting twisted worse than heroin methadone yet stuck on a small dosage of suboxone opiodus crap.Still..i'm not smoking shed loads of crack and smack and dropping dexamfetamine (that's how it's spelt now in this country) left right and centre and seem to have a grip on my benzodiazapine habit.Whichever way i look at it the endgame is going to have to be a bit of a cold turkey so reckon when i get rid of this virus i will reduce my meds.

I had a great time last night.I met Uncle Warren outside his London appearance and had a little word with him.He's looking well which made my day.I fooking love the bastad!At the Q and A i jumped in like a nutter and thanked him for freakangels and this site.I asked if he was ever gonna grace us with his bulk again to which he replied it's in the hands of "someone else"..probably someone horrible,eh?

His little movie is a good laugh yet their is always one fucker at anything that moans.This flesh pot behind me whinged about it a bit when it finished but don't worry o my sisters and brothers.He is bound and gagged in my cellar.In a few hours i will be torturing the fool.I may get my well dodgy spell book out and manifest a eight legged snarling entity to drench him in foul black jizz..

One must have a hobby,eh?

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

trini_naenae — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 23:58:27 -0800

@Rachael: Kudos for cutting the people who hurt you out of your life.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Greasemonkey — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 00:32:52 -0800

Throwing out a metric tonne of empty bottles, courtesy of the Toronto Whitechapellers. I think there's a couch somewhere under all the empties.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 00:40:14 -0800

Amazing meet as always. The lamb was superb and the company amazing.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Kay Orchison — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 04:29:00 -0800

Horrible, horrible manic episode today. Worst in years. Held it together for the most part, didn't hurt anyone. Appeared human to all but the satellite imaging and the MRI. God help me, if there is one.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Pooka — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 07:00:03 -0800

The girl that came to visit was pretty cool. she had a beautiful face and exciting eyes... Her husband was a bit ..awkward...what is it with bigger black girls marrying tiny dinky little white men? I had hoped for a little more of a romantic spark, but she brought her man and it made it a bit awkward, so we chilled out, smoked a bit, and watched Behind the Mask: the rise of leslie vernon. Gooooood movie. LOVE it, and I share it with every horror fan I meet.
My husband's so great, but when he gets high, he just rambles on and on and on nonstop. I'm pretty sure everyone sat around for an extra two hours because he kept going on...my guests loved it. Most folk aren't used to someone who can go on about every detail of just about every major creative project (toys, movies, books, art, comics...whathave ya) from the last hundred years. It's insane how long he can go on about the motivations of the creators of so and so show, and the advertising tricks employed and blah blah blah...
as for me, I think I said a dozen words or so the whole evening lol...oh well...I made a new friend and that's always awesome.
It's made me realize thought that chris has spoiled me on human interaction...I'm so used to just sitting back and letting him talk (hard to get a word in sometimes lol), that when the conversation lags or he's not there I find myself suddenly struggling to find something to say...i've gotten very bad at conversation these days from lack of practice...

Professionally...i'm still just sitting here....dont really know how to move forward with my show. Still waiting to see what's going to happen with my dj/exfwb.
Today I get to distract myself with listing transformers and g i joe on ebay....so...ya know, if you want some toys, keep an eye out on ebay, we'll have a bunch of mint in box and loose figures listed by the end of the day...

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Greasemonkey — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 10:33:43 -0800

Majorly hung over. Had a killer time with the Whitechapel crowd last night, much alcohol and fine food consumed. We had a TARDIS cake which met with unanimous approval, and I'm sure someone will post a photo.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 22:24:02 -0800

Had an AMAZING weekend. Whitechapel meetup, as always, was a superb do. And a TARDIS CAKE! TARDIS! Two different cakes inside AND rice krispy treats! The alcohol was amazing and the company was...well...I really do regard that crowd as a type of family. I don't often feel like I can be myself in such a large group, but damn it I can with this one. Ian, as always thanks to you and your lovely wife for hosting. You're both wonderful people. Enjoy the La Trappe. :)

Today was spent with Allana and Alan walking around, going to Snakes & Lattes and The Beguiling playing board games and buying comics respectively (Honorable mention to Allana for winning at Scrabble) and we finished the day off with a pint at C'est What.

One other thing...so Alan Tyson and I decided to try out a relationship. He makes me feel kinda goofy and my heart flutters a bit around him and I daresay that he has the same reaction with me. The long distance will be a thing, but we've decided to try and make it work. So yes! I guess more details to come when I'm less tired and less in a dream-like state.

But yeah, feeling great. The little people in my head (and friends who knew that this was something a long time coming) are sort of being like the NASA crew in the movies when they all find out that the folks in the shuttle will be okay after all. Lots of earphone throwing, cheering, cigars being exchanged and Ed Harris smiling.

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oddbill — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:51:10 -0800

Holy shit congratulations oldhat and Alan Tyson! Though I guess with your ongoing Twitter dialogs that basically last all of the hours of being awake yes all of them... we should have seen it coming.

Cheers! Much happiness!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Greasemonkey — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:58:49 -0800

I kinda thought that's what was transpiring last night, when you guys wanted a moment on the balcony ;-) Congrats to you both, excellent news.

And thanks for the La Trappe, and thanks to everyone else for making it yet another blindingly good Whitechapel do. Next one is going to be in February, so there'll be a bright spot in the dead of the Toronto winter.

PS - Catherine was most amused when, in her words, 'all the nerds pulled out comics and sat around reading them!".

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

taphead — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 02:03:01 -0800

@oldhat & Anchorbeard - AWESOMENESS! Best of everything to both of you. <3

Meanwhile in Finland: I survived a rather rough week of rush deadlines, dressed up in a tux on Friday to do a quiet and dignified DJ set for the Helsinki Astronomical Association's 90th birthday bash, after which I did a ninja-like (assuming ninjas wear tuxes and dance like loons) spur-of-the-moment gig at my local club playing nothing but entirely ridiculously boisterous party toonz.

This was followed by drinking whisky and listening to music until 7 in the morning with the soundman, then a greasy lunch, a nap and a lovely scrounged up dinner at Vornaskotti's place. On Sunday I woke up at three in the afternoon, shot the breeze with the bare nerds [tm] for three hours and took a nap. Got out of bed at nine, and cooked some pasta. Back into bed at two.

And that, my dear friends, was a wonderful weekend. It was a great combination of pretty much all of my favourite things, minus bewbs. I'm rested! It's super effective!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Beamish — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 04:16:01 -0800

This makes me happy Oldhat and Anchorbeard. Good luck.

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Comicbookbunny — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:15:22 -0800

@Old Hat that is just awesome!!!!!! <3 I imported my man- we had the long distance thing going for a while. It's fun and cute in its way. We'd mail each other little gifts. :)

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Pooka — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:35:47 -0800

@oldhat and anchorbeard good luck :)

my dj called and confirmed he's still leaving town...so...yeah...gotta start over....looking for a new dj...which is going to be very difficult in this dinky city.
I'm pissed, frustrated, and very sad altogether...
i am terribly daunted by this task ahead of me, to the point I'm almost considering quitting altogether...i know I shouldn't, but god dammit, I'm probably not going to make much money on it anyway...I was just trying to help my artist friends make a little more cash and get a little more publicity...plus it's a chance to hang out with them...but the fun isn't there anymore...i started the idea up with my dj...it was kinda tailored to his stage presence...grrrrr...
now I'll have to redesign the whole damned thing...maybe i'll get it together by the summer or something....god dammit.
I had promised a different show every few months and because of all this bullshit i'll be lucky to get this shit together before a year's past since the last one.

i'm about to pull out my paints again and try to work my frustrations out on a canvas. At least if I can paint something awesome i'll feel like i've gotten something accomplished...if I can still paint something awesome. i haven't painted in a long time and i feel i've lost abunch of skill..i guess we'll see...i'll post pics if I get anything done....bleh...

going to ease my troubles with coffee and a pipe's worth of something herby...

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Vornaskotti — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 07:49:53 -0800

Right. I just got fired with a text message. Fucking classy. All in all, this was the first time I have ever been fired from anywhere, excepting things like "we decided to quit this whole magazine". No warning, no nothing, the boss just called me in to chat, told that there had been complaints, heard my side of the story and just texted me that it's not gonna work, buh-bye. This was the trial period, so that's all she wrote.

(note, this was a new day job, not the movie job)

What really sucks is that I had been there a total of nine days in the span of three weeks, and I was supposed to start full time next week and told everybody that I've come to grips with the job and I'm ready to learn more and take the helm then. The company has a very intensive circulation with the stuff they do and a very makeshift and utterly crappy system to administer it. Dudes who've used it for a year said that it's very easy to fuck up. So, I fucked up a couple of things, but corrected them as quickly as I could, staying late nights to make sure it didn't happen again. One of the fuck-ups was me finding a totally new bug in that crappy system, where the save-button just refused to work.

I'm reasonably sure that who got me fired was this young woman who was one of these "bubbly and social, vaguely naggy, and when something bad happens, it's immediately a fucking disaster" personalities. There were some moments in the job when I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, or I was waiting for materials and really couldn't do anything, so what I did was that I had my laptop with me, I surfed some work related stuff (like the things I asked here in the info thread about sound editing) and yeah, answered some e-mails from the other job and text chatted with people in Skype, including teaching the ropes to the guy that come to replace me in the previous job. Not once did this eat into the work time there, but apparently "someone" decided that I'm just wasting time, surfing the net, doing other jobs in the company time... Surprisingly no-one who I've worked with in other places really recognized me from that description, and they were quite surprised, having amongst other things recommended me as being worth five average workers & stuff like that... The really insulting thing is that they didn't have a single testicle or ovary amongst themselves to come and say anything to me directly and seriously.

Right. So now I'm totally broke, and the job, on which I more or less built the finances of the following six months, evaporated in a 20 minute meeting this morning in a way which I find really really unfair. Feeling helpless and at loss is something I generally don't do, ever, but right fucking now I'd just like to sit down, stare at the wall and let the world drive past me.

In any case, I'm going to give the union lawyer a call tomorrow and see what he thinks about this. Maybe picking a fight will perk me up.

Well, I know it will.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

allana — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 08:54:37 -0800

Just got back from my landlord-tenant-board hearing. So, I won... But also I feel like I've had the shit kicked out of me. I was yelled at by the adjudicator and the duty counsel for not being mean enough. Apparently you're expected to put a dollar value on being annoyed these days? How dare I simply ask not to be harassed by a crazy person. So, counsel was useless and confusing, and the adjudicator made me feel like a bad person for not thirsting for blood. Huh. I'm gonna go watch cartoons now.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 09:00:31 -0800

Allana, glad you won, but jeez...

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Fishelle — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 10:01:18 -0800

@Oldhat and Anchorhead
Congrats!

@Vornaskotti
That's awful. I hope you can do something. Seems completely wrong that one stupid person could, and would, do such a thing.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Vornaskotti — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 11:15:41 -0800

Fishelle:

Yeah well, don't have any hard proof, might as well be someone else, but that's just the primary suspect. I'm no hurry to get back there, I think that well is now well and truly poisoned, especially after I'll see if I can hit them with the union lawyers and get some compensation. The goddamn text message to cap it all was just tacky.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Comicbookbunny — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 12:04:19 -0800

The hubby and I have clothing to donate- we usually donate to the thrift stores but I decided this time that it should go to a non profit organization. People that can't afford to buy clothing and they need it. I can't find anything at all like that unless i look in New York. We have a food bank here (which is good food is needed more than clothing)

I don't understand yeah if you are poor you are expected to do the salvation army or the thrift but what about the homeless or nearly homeless???

someone said to donate to a church but i'm kinda iffy about that. I suppose if you have nowhere to go people know to go to a church for help, but I have no idea how that works.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 12:28:36 -0800

@comicbookbunny I would hunt down a shelter in your area and ask about donating them.

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roadscum — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 14:29:01 -0800

@Oldhat and Alan Tyson: Hurrah! All happiness for the future!

@Vornaskotti: Sounds like you were working for knobs, you're probably well shot of them. I hope something better turns up for you.

@Pooka, Rachael and all the sick, tired achy and sad: I hope it gets better for you, i really do. Be strong and keep going!

As for me, there's a few things that could be better and a lot that could be worse, i'm doing my best to put up with the former and enjoy the latter. It takes some effort sometimes but hey, i'm still breathing. I like that!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

razrangel — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 15:12:57 -0800

FUCK. Long response to @comicbookbunny lost to temperamental Web connection. *grumpy face*

Shelters and pantries are happy to take donated clothing, in my experience. I've volunteered over the years with several church groups and right now am doing mandated community service at city pantry. (I much prefer getting to volunteer...) People who are trying to clean up, get off the street, etc, need presentable clothing for a number of reasons including job interviews and court appointments. Typically they don't have such office-appropriate clothing so shelters prefer nicer clothing to old t-shirts, but anything that is still wearable is fine. (I saw some donated stuff that was more rags than clothes; that's just thoughtless.) Homeless folks also often need underwear, especially socks. That really ought to be new(ish).

If you don't know anyone connected with a church or a temple or other organization that serves the needy then I suggest looking "St Vincent de Paul Society" in your phone book. They are a Catholic group dedicated to meeting the needs of the poor and underserved. There are tons of other groups but I wouldn't know how to find them blind - if you just plopped me down in a random city I know I could find them in the white pages.

"what about the homeless or nearly homeless??? " If you mean how do homeless people know where to turn, that's a really good question and one that service organizations routinely struggle with. Some send out people into the midst of where homeless people gather (Skid Row, in LA-speak) and serve them there or bring them to their shelters. Usually the city social service apparatus works with these organizations: folks who might be busted for loitering are directed to shelters by the police; individuals who are caught up in the legal system may hear about them from social workers or court-appointed lawyers.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Beamish — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 15:41:19 -0800

@comicbookbunny Check the local churches as well. They will likely know where, or to whom, to get the clothes.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Comicbookbunny — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 18:03:09 -0800

Thanks much everyone :D

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Alan Tyson — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 18:03:21 -0800

Thank you EVERYONE for the well-wishes and congratulations! I feel like the happiest creature in the universe right now, and if I'm not constantly hovering six inches off the ground out of sheer joy, it's only because I want to give the whole world a hug with my feet.

I am immensely grateful for this place. Without it, I wouldn't have had the fucking fantastic weekend in what is now may favorite city in the world, and I never would have met the most amazing woman that the human race is capable of producing. Thank you, Whitechapel, all of you, just for being, and for being here.

@Vornaskotti: GnyaaaaWHAT? A phone call, at least. That's how professionals handle these situations. I'm sorry to hear that, boss. As far as picking a fight goes, well, I believe you when you say it'll make you feel better, and there's always the chance it really could fix things, or at least bring to light what happened. I say damn the torpedoes, give them ramming speed!

@Allana: So glad to hear that your hearing went well! I know for a fact now that it's a lovely place you have, and you deserve to live in it in comfort and civility. And cartoons. That was the other c-word I was looking for.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

razrangel — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 18:15:10 -0800

Alan - AAWWWWWWwwww!!

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Alan Tyson — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 18:40:30 -0800

Okay, alright, just to balance out the sheer metric tons of CUTE that Robin and I have generated, I've got some dirt to dish, too.

It's a bit of a long story, so I'll just boil it down to this: Thank you, U.S. Customs and Border Patrol for baselessly accusing me of smuggling marijuana because you "detect a hint" of the substance "somewhere in the vehicle." Thank you also for ripping my bug-out bag, a Vietnam-era medic kit bag with not a small amount of sentimental value, apart at every strap that the bag possesses. Thank you for for handling my "fancy wine" (it says ALE right on the box, dude) like it's a styrofoam container full of packing peanuts, rather than a collection of glass bottles full of liquid of good quality. And, finally, thank you for doing this TWICE, once in the line, and once at the passport-checking shack.

For comparison, here was my entry into Canada: "Hi there! Can I see your passport? Going to Toronto, then? Okay. Everything looks good to me. Have a good weekend!"

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

dorkmuffin — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 19:05:21 -0800

@Alan Tyson, EW. MEGATONS OF EW. US cops are the fucking worst.

I realize that's a gross generalization because of course, there are some really really nice cops out there. BUT! The negative encounters like the one described above are kind of the norm of what I've heard from most of my friends who have had cop run-ins.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

DavidLejeune — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 19:06:36 -0800

@comicbookbunny: Salvation Army and Goodwill are not for-profit organizations, and their thrift stores aren't really intended to be the places where the disadvantaged go to shop. The money they make from the thrift store sales goes to funding their shelters, soup kitchens, blankets for the homeless, and other operations. So while clothes you donate may not go directly on the backs of the poor (though I'm sure there's some degree of them evaluating the quality of the donations and deciding whether they'll do more good being sold in thrift or giving directly to the poor), they do still help a lot.

I really want to contribute something to Rachael's new tumblr, but that means re-reading several of the letters that I've written to my ex, and that never fails to wreck me. I'll need a few drinks in me before I can try it.

Just got through a week of conducting job interviews. Being on that side of the interview table is a first for me. Got two new members for my team out of it, and I think/hope they'll work out okay. I kind of have to write up some more better training documents for them, and there are equipment issues, but I've been pretty happy with how the team runs since I took over running it, and there haven't been any complaints from higher up (at least that I'm aware of).

Going back to California for Thanksgiving with my father's side of the family. This feels like it'll probably be my grandfather's last thanksgiving, my grandmother passed last year and it largely feels like he's kind of given up since then, and he's been in and out of the medical centre at his retirement community pretty regularly.

The big question is Christmas. I've kind of hated Christmas for years now, so I don't really want to spend it with any of my family, but I sure as shit don't want to spend it alone in Arizona. I'm strongly leaning towards going to New York, just because I want to see that city in the winter, and also maybe hang out with some people, but with my luck everybody I'd want to hang out with will have plans.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Alan Tyson — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 19:15:10 -0800

@Dorkmuffin: My experience with ANY of my countrymen with a badge and authority has always either been extremely pleasant, life-affirming, and had restorative qualities on my faith in my nation and my government, or it's been something like the above. I've never met a "decent" cop (of any branch, level, or agency), only truly awesome ones, or jackasses.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

trini_naenae — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 20:25:43 -0800

@Oldhat and Alan Tyson: Awww wooobie! Congratulations!

@Vornaskotti: Boo on them! And shame! Etc. I hope you get a new job and the union lawyers are helpful and all that kind of stuff. Because that place sucks and you deserve better.

@Pooka, Rachael & razrangel: Hold strong ladies! I'm crossing my fingers for you, and knocking on wood, and all that kind of stuff.

As for me, the exhaustion I've been experiencing, apparently one of the possible side effects of Citalopram is that it might work like a sedative. Yaaaaay! *headdesk* I'm trying taking that pill at night and seeing if it helps. Seems to be? I think I'll have a better idea in a week. Of course it could be that I have been successfully flirting with a cute boy on OkCupid and I might even visit him for a weekend sometime in the future. Probably after the holiday season though. Hotels are expensive enough as it is.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

mister hex — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 21:27:38 -0800

@ Vornaskotti - my one thought is "flamethrower and lots of it." But that's my answer to everything.

@oldhat & OUR MAN IN LANGLEY - Congratulations on your impending nuptials. I expect to be in the wedding party. If I am not, then flamethrower and lots of it. I am not even remotely joking. At ALL. I'll accept being the flower girl but only if Peter Kelly is my date for Fairy-Con in Baltimore. Otherwise, flamethrower and lots of it.

@ greasemonkey - thanks again to you and your lovely wife for suffering such a wretched creature as me to live and indeed welcoming me into your home. Most sane people wouldn't even consider it.

... not to get paternalistic or anything but if OUR MAN IN LANGLEY does anything bad to Robin, this planet isn't big enough to hide him. A flamethrower would be too impersonal. A short-handled shovel is more in line. That and a distant place, far from anyone to hear screams or cries for mercy. First, I'll make him dig his own grave. With his bare hands. While I beat him with the shovel. Then, I'll light him on fire. THEN I'LL GET SERIOUS. (I'm just jealous. You two kids have fun. Take care she sheds no tears, Langley.Or messed-up luggage will seem like a sweet dream.)

The day after the party, I did a film shoot for some Bravo-Fact dealie that had, as a prop, a 1931 Chevy. Hung over as I was, I managed to appreciate it.

In other news, I'm working on a reality show. About the healing power of laughter. (No, REALLY!)

I'm also hard at work on a flamethrower.

@ Robin - please don't punch me, much as you'd like to. I'm glad for you. Jealous, yes, but glad.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 21:48:45 -0800

Oh wow.

Patrick.

That was the best threat EVER. And more in line with what I was expecting from you folks.

Thank you. Wow, I'm saving this.

And everyone, thank you all for the wonderful words of congratulations. Still in a state of shock and I'm nowhere near good with words as Alan is. Maybe...maybe I can communicate by joy through PUNCHING?

ALSO! Patrick! Lone Wolf & Cub! Absolutely captivated by it! Thank you so much for lending it to me!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Vornaskotti — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 21:58:44 -0800

Thanks for the nice words, everybody and WHOOOOOOOO! for oldhat and her chosen male! \o/

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Greasemonkey — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 22:19:31 -0800

@Hex: you know you're always welcome at our excessively-yellow apartment.

I think I'm still slightly hung over from Saturday night. Getting old.

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Dextra — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 22:52:32 -0800

Piss. I sat here and typed out a bunch of stuff and accidentally closed the window and lost it. I'll try to abbreviate:
- Lost my job a couple months back, pissed me off and made me feel like crap.
- Lost my grandmother, who raised me, just over a week later. Cue a depression starting to settle in.
- My biological mother stole the money meant to fly me back for the funeral. So I didn't get to say goodbye. I had flown out a few months before, and thought I'd made my peace with it, but you never really know how you're going to feel about it until the time comes.
- I have a busted tooth that requires oral surgery to remove. I no longer have insurance since losing my job, and I can't afford the surgery until my insurance with the new job kicks in, which won't be until January at the earliest.
- However, the pain has stopped with the proper application of antibiotics and painkillers, which were not too terribly expensive.
- I do have a new job, as a barista, at half of my previous salary. But it provides insurance, which I do need.
- I've also gotten a few small commissions doing design work here and there. It's not much, but every little bit helps.
- Probably a by-product of the depression, but I'm painfully lonely. I used to enjoy being single and not being tied down, and even though I've got a couple of people I've been involved with, they're either far away or our schedules conflict. I'm a very simple creature. I thrive off the attention from my companions, even if it's just being in their presence. I miss that.
- It's getting better. Slowly. It has to, right? That's what I keep telling myself. But I'm a terrible liar.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rootfireember — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 23:18:08 -0800

Today was a shit day; I'm blaming my body's current freak out about meds it was fine with a few weeks ago. Slept through most of the day due to meds and a combination of forgetting to press 'set to on' on my phone's alarm clock. OOps.

Anyhow, enough of me bitching, you guys probably know the basics- meds make me feel sick, the end. Alan and Hatter together made me smile. So, that's something. Not dead yet, whitechapel made me smile.

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Fauxhammer — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:14:11 -0800

Insomnia hollows you out.

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flecky — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:21:33 -0800

Hello o faithful Whitechapel.

Frankly it's amazing that i can tap in this mindshite.I've been going through fucking hell.Pure torment.Not just self pitying pain but anxiety levels that have had me thrashing around on my bed wanting to blow off limbs with a shot gun.My good lady friend has been researching methadone withdrawals at length which eased my psychosis down a bit.I can't read,draw,write or concentrate on anything.I had to medicate myself with prescribed sedatives a few hours back to get a couple of hours sleep.

At one point yesterday i was so obsessed with unbridled darkness i had to fight the urge to get out my spell book and do a ritual of destruction.I've got to be really careful as i am not the 25 year old shaman bastad that used to drop mushrooms and do exorcisms in properties saturated in negative energy that me and my squatting clan used to live in in West London back in the early nineties.There was one place off Kensington High St. that even the most rational person was scared to live in but when you are homeless you sometimes don't have a choice.

Something really bad had happened there.You could taste it.People had left behind all their possessions.We found journals,dairies etc and the madness was rife.I remember breaking in doors that hadn't been opened for decades and it was like opening vacuum packed tins of despair.These houses where huge and the view from their roofs of London was amazing.Something i will never forget was checking out the attic which was a hideous place.I opened the window to take a breather from the stench.I was ok but suddenly i felt a little twitch on my neck.As i stepped back i noticed the wall surrounding it was actually moving.I looked on it in mild disbelief.As i scratched my neck i noticed something in my hand.A bug.I tiny little rock hard brown bug the like of which i've never seen before or since.The fucking wall was a seething crackling mass of something awful.

Anyhow,after flinching,and running to find my mates to relate this horror i soon went back and went into exterminator mode and committed genocide.I really enjoyed that bit.Screaming "Die you little motherfooking cunts".Honest,it was like something from a early Clive Barker book or vintage Hellblazer.

Number 12 Observatory Gardens West Kensington.A lot of dead or now crazy good souls went insane living there.That place was fooked.

Anyhow i hope you are all good and maybe just trying to live life on life's terms.Sometimes it's all you can do...

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Fauxhammer — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:37:45 -0800

Flecky, man--you are the poster child for rolling with the punches. Keep it up, and quit fucking with evil sperrits!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Vornaskotti — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 01:46:45 -0800

According to the union, I can do fuck all about the asshattery of the previous employer. "Unfortunately there's little to do if the leadership doesn't understand the realities of human life."

So, selling my stuff and sending out work applications, while considering the merits of punching holes through a few doors.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 02:02:42 -0800

@:Fauxhammer: Ta mate.Insomnia does hollow you out.

Yeah,now is not the time for me to be messing with magic.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Pooka — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 04:33:09 -0800

hrrrmmm...my exfwb came over last night for a few minutes. He's still leaving town as far as I know, but he felt bad for fighting with us...no actual verbal appology for me, but he did get our xbox cleaned and modded and our ps3 is on the way today with the same treatment. he also swore to us that we'd be the first folk he would pay back when he got the money together...
that doesn't really help my show though and doesn't make me feel less hurt and insulted. If he's still talking about leaving the state/country, then I can't rely on him being here when I finally get my date set, or be able to rely on him not to have a bitch fit towards me the next time i have to consult him on something work related.

i've been having some crazy insomnia going on lately. I think I'm managing maybe four hours of sleep a day..most of it I get on the couch inthe evening when my husband is playing assassin's creed (the background and ambient music and sounds put me right to sleep).
Once I relocate to the bed at about three in the morning, I might as well just stay awake because I'll just lay there, no matter how tired I was when I went to bed.
I don't know how i've kept this up for so long...it's been months since this trouble started and the only full night's rest ive gotten is after i've gone a few days without much at all...and i can only remember a couple of those...

blarhg.It's probably just stress...

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

mister hex — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 06:50:25 -0800

@ oldhat - Punching is fine. Just don't punch ME. Been there, done that, got the bruises to prove it. Also, glad you love LW&C. Are you ready for the next few volumes yet? There are 28 in all and each one is better than the last. When it was being released, the month-long wait for the next volume was EXCRUTIATING. (By the way, reread carefully 'The Gateless Barrier' from V2 - it is absolutely the key to the entire series.)

re:insomnia - meditation can be very benficial for such matters.

When I was a kid, I did biofeedback therapy for a ... medical condition and it taught me that there are untold worlds right inside your head and that you are the master of your own mind. "Watever can be done chemically can be done non-chemically" said William S. Burroughs and he oughtta know.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

mister86 — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 08:32:21 -0800

Been quiet a while. Mostly due to one thing: the move. After a pretty shitty early part of the year, a little while ago I decided to say fuck it and jump ship. I quit my job, left my house, left my state. Got a place down in Raleigh, NC. Still no job yet. Hell, still no furniture yet, but it's a start. Needed a change. A big one. Hopefully things look up from here, much as I'll need to claw for it. Always felt better with something to work for.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

sellmeyoursoul — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 09:33:56 -0800

@Alan and Robin - Congrats kids. Good luck. Um... in my experience skypesterbating is a way too keep the romance alive in a long distance relationship. (What? Too soon?) Actually, Alan, thanks for being all gushy. It puts my own fuzzy-girl-feelings into perspective (and hopefully I'm no longer the source of the vomiting that everyone else must suffer through).

My lady-friend-person has been out of town so I haven't seen her for over a week and won't until next weekend. I've reached the point where I've decided I like this girl more than just a "hey, this is fun for right now and who knows, maybe I might accidentally get laid or something." So of course that means that now I'm second-guessing everything I say/do so I don't screw it up. And from there, the up-screwing comes. We're going to try another writing date Saturday, but if we haven't seen each other in almost two weeks, I don't see myself wanting to sit quietly next to her revising comic scripts. I did manage to grind out a rewrite of my screenplay and sent her a copy this morning. It will be the first time she actually reads any of my work. Yeah, I'm a little nervous about that.

Oh, and a buddy of mine got me a Freakangels shirt. I think it's his way of saying "sorry that I've spent the last several years not drawing the comics you write." Regardless, it was appreciated.

@Flecky - Stay strong mate.

@Everyone else - Best of luck finding work/medical help/sleep/"the right" flamethrower.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Cameron C. — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:17:13 -0800

@86: You have the balls to do something I wish I could do. Hope you make it work.

Most important thing first: A few weeks ago I bought a new computer and Steam is my new lover. So if you want to occasionally kill me in TF2 or something else my profile is right here: BLOOP
I also just got a 360 controller for my computer. Bastion on controller == <3

Ummmm. I don't know. The job is going well. I've had two days on the floor and it's been good. Helping customers comes just as easily as it did when I worked at Borders and as long as I stay in the Tech section helping people find stuff is pretty easy.I'll supposedly be trained to work in the copy/print center at some point too, which Im looking forward to mostly due to this adorable blond girl that also works there *___*

My birthday was last friday. I have a check from my daddio to deposit today AND ALSO a check from work, already, for my three days of training. A full two weeks check is gonna be so nice. I've been enjoying work a lot, and the people I've met.

I also sent my third silly comic full of robots, paranoia, and childlike wonder to the printer. If you want a copy you can order one here: BLEEP
I'm happy with how this one turned, all things considered. I never thought this one was gonna get finished ~_~ Once the school semester ends in 5 weeks I'll start on #4. Next year I hope to complete a total of three Scrambled Circuits issues, two regular ones and a special, different sorta thing. BUT THEN AGAIN IVE BEEN PLAYING A LOT OF STEAM SO MAYBE ILL JUST GIVE UP THIS COMICS THING ALL TOGETHER AND PLAY MORE VIDYAGAMES.

On my birthday, my desert friend was suppose to take the train up to visit me. That didn't work out. I THINK next week I have off from school for thanksgiving, so I wont have class monday or wednesday (or work) so maybe Monday I'll get to see her. In about six weeks she leaves. Urrg. D:

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

JP Carpenter — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:46:47 -0800

@oldhat and Alan - squeeeeeee

@Vornaskotti - bastards. But I suppose if they're that toxic, you're best off out of it in the long run - doesn't pay the bills though.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 18:51:17 -0800

I think Flecky is our resident John Constantine.

@roadscum &Trini - thank you.

@Vornaskotti - Good god. A text message firing is amaaaaazingly dickish.

Me, I had a day yesterday. I woke at a human hour, rented a car for a few hours, DROVE on riverside highways while blasting Janes Addiction to get to a photogig in NJ, had a picnic for one in a (kinda crappy) park area, drove back blasting DJ Davros' Key to Time album of brilliance while chainsmoking my Blu, returned the car (within minutes of my phone GPS dying) just in time to subway back to Manhattan and get new MRIs of my spine (for which the DJ Davros was a good audial prelude: WHAM WHAM WHAM BWAWAWAWAWA WHAM), got the techs to give me the CD of said scans, then walked two blocks away to take part in my roommate's Drinking Monday friend crowd for a few hours, then walked four blocks from there to hang with my bartender friend who knew me when I was 8, and there I stayed until 5am, talking about The Prisoner, watching Father Ted, and listening to Syd Barret Floyd bootlegs from 1966, and drinking Duvel and Delirium.

I can't move today really. Every bit of me hurts. But yesterday I felt alive, and as though I was able to catch up to the rhythm and patterns of life that usually crush me between the gears. I think I will have to try and make it necessary that I take a driving day trip at least once a month (because driving fast and smoking w music is so amazingly awesome) to somewhere that I can smell nature. I really do think that my favorite and most profound high is the antidepressant feeling the scent of earth instills in humans (and other mammals). It makes me feel AMAZING. I might try to visit the park around the Cloisters a few times a week, perhaps. Just... natural land. mmmf.

@DavidLeJeune - Funny, I'm having the exact same issue about Christmas. So... if I haven't managed to flee somewhere exotic for my birthday, I'll around NYC for Christmas without much to do.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 00:04:17 -0800

@ Rachael: Hang in there kiddo.Everyday i always tell at least one person that it's a miracle i am alive.It helps if it's someone who has been through similar circumstances.I'm with you on the scent of earth thing.Especially round this time of year.
And hey..you can't deny the magic of Syd Barrett.I cripple round the backstreets singing his tunes out loud.Fooking great.
Yeah,this xmas has the potential to be a right bastad for me.I can't get pissed because if i do the buzz is just not enough for me..so i can't be round supposed mates acting stupid.It's so tedious.They bore me stiff.And my liver can't take it because of hepatitus C.At least junkies shut the fook up when they nod off.But i can't be around them either.Don't want to.
I reckon i will do something voluntary to help out the homeless or other addicts.Or maybe visit the woman thing.Or i may just go to a park and soak in the stillness.Read.Who knows...Nothing is true!

As they say in The Village.."Be seeing you".

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 00:38:29 -0800

@ Camaron C:I too absolutely fooking love Matt Wagners Grendel.That epic changed my life.I've even done a few little comics for myself just for the sake of.Sometimes i see myself as Eppy Thatcher..but look what happened to that poor bastad!We can't have that,eh?

At the moment i hate chavs.London market boy jumped up casual neat generic twats.Especially the one's who do coke.I'm calling in a napalm strike.My heart is beating at the prospect.My foul mutated sex dwarves are pleading me to be on clean up detail.Patience,my beauties,patience..

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

allana — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:50:03 -0800

You know, Patrick, every time you call Alan a CIA agent from now on, I'm gonna wanna launch into the spy bit from Duck Soup. Next time, next time.
Also, I meant to borrow Flaming Carrot but the comics-explosion got overwhelming that night. Next time, next time.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

sellmeyoursoul — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 20:32:17 -0800

Well that just happened.

I just got a call from the whateverthefuck and she's apparently "just feeling the friends thing." shitfuckshitfuckshitfuckshit And of course, for the first time since my divorce, I was thinking "here's someone I wouldn't mind officially making my 'girl-friend.'" It's my own damn fault. I'm too nice a guy. She told me that she started thinking about this when I brought up how fast things were moving the last time we saw each other. I asked because I knew she was going through a divorce and didn't want to rush into things and yet, we seemed to be spending a lot of time together all giddy like. Like a moron, I wanted to build the relationship on honestly, being open and mutual respect... All that shit.

Rationally, I know that she wouldn't have come to this conclusion if there wasn't some seed of it there already. Hell, the relationship I had immediately following my divorce involved me keeping the woman at arm's length until I finally broke it off with her. I know that this is a temporary setback and that eventually I'll meet someone who feels the same about me as I do about them. That's all fine and good. I also don't feel like I need a girl. I have a lot of shit going on. But I want that specific one. I tried not to get too attached. I knew things were going fast and it was freaking me out a bit, but I decided I wanted to go with it and not stress. Well, here's the inevitable heartbreak and second guessing of everything I did.

Whitechapel, I hope you're having a better time than I am right now. Thanks for listening.

[Edit: removed some of the freshly broken heart vitriol.]

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Vornaskotti — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 00:41:29 -0800

FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck...

Me and the fiancé started doing a Divemaster course two years ago, with an aim of having a professional diving qualification for when we got totally fed up and tired with the computer related work shit, and could bail out for a year of dive guide work somewhere. The year 2011 has been so shitty and exhausting that there hasn't been mental energy to do much of anything for that course. Now all of the stuff we've done for the course, all the assists on diving courses, theory lessons and everything, has now expired so we have to start from the beginning.

I just heard that the dive center we've frequented in Egypt is looking for Finnish staff, specifically. I'm so fed up with my life in here I'd be ready to pull on the ejection seat handle in an instant - the only thing missing is that damn certification, and there's no way in hell I can get it any time soon. This was exactly the situation I went through the course, but now I've fucking failed it in the last leg.

Gahh! Fuck this year with a rake.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Vornaskotti — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 12:21:11 -0800

I had one of those moments today... I was sitting in Sävel, my favorite bar, reading a book and drink in some import beers like I do in 1-2 evenings every week. My eyes wandered to the wooden table. I started looking at the fibers of the wood, thinking about lignin, vascular tissues, cambium, phloem, the forces that pull water and nutrients up a tree for 20 meters...

And I realized 15 minutes had passed and I got that chest bursting feeling about how wonderful the world is, and how beautiful KNOWLEDGE makes it. When I was studying paranormal crap when I was a teen, I was looking at stuff that was paper thin and unsatisfying, it never gave me any real answers or any deeper understanding of anything. It was hope-based, chasing vapors.

I'm a religious person in my way, but it is in no way in conflict with science. The world is a wonderful place, when you take your time to learn about it. Science makes even a worn bar table such a fucking wonderful thing it's almost corny.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 13:18:56 -0800

@vornaskotti - That just made me terribly happy.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Vornaskotti — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 14:02:58 -0800

Thanks Rachael. I think my first moment like this was when I was 5-6 years old, when I used to read a lot about animals and nature, and especially these popular easy astronomy books suitable for that age. I was in the countryside, lying on my back on a wheelbarrow on a summer day and just looking at the sky - and then I got this utterly paralyzing understanding, like total internalization of the fact that I'm lying on top of a ball that's swinging around a burning ball of something and the atmosphere is very thin and everything is moving - got this vertigo cramp in my stomach and... well. I think that's when I put things in perspective for the rest of my life. And not trying to be glib here.

I have a former colleague, now more of a pal, who has the same capacity of wondering about stuff and reading about science. The thing is, he's a quiet guy, dreadlocked band dude, and everybody thinks he's stoned all the time. He just doesn't have filters between him and the world. I've had to nudge him several times to get him from staring at a light bulb, or a dog, or something, and just wondering about it. :P

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

brittanica — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 16:24:00 -0800

My life's not bad, at the moment. Bills are mostly caught up, work isn't terrible, we have food and Netflix and a working heater and a fuzzy kitty-cat and... it seems like the entirety of civilization is crumbling, right outside my peripheral. News about the Occupiers affects me more and more everyday. And that internet censorship bill... I've have spent my entire life convinced that the government and I had no reason to get acquainted. I am not big enough to matter. Oh, that state amendment to ban gay marriage, even though it's already illegal here? I probably should have voted against that... except that my one little vote wouldn't have swung the(I can't remember the exact percentage, but it's in this range, seriously) 80-90% voting for it. Lots of Bill Hicks ("You are free... to do as we tell you!") and George Carlin ("You have no choice. You have owners.") going around in my head.
Feeling even more helpless than usual. I can't even remember to brush my fucking teeth in the morning, how am I supposed to make this world better?

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

sellmeyoursoul — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 22:29:57 -0800

I just got home after driving 3 hours round trip for what I assumed was going to be a 15 minute conversation. Last night I didn't believe her rationale for the break up. I know she was right there with me, so "not into you romantically" just smacked of bullshit. We had coffee and talked tonight and I at least believe that she believes it. If there was any hint of second thoughts, I'd be more upset. I'm bummed. She's making a huge mistake and I'm the worse for it. The relationship we would have had is the stuff of Legends. She actually admitted how amazing I am. Hard to argue with that (but then why the hell are you breaking up with me?!). After the 15-20 minute "why this isn't something that's going to happen" conversation we spent the next hour chatting and laughing and having a great time (albeit without as much hand-holding and flirting as before). It was nice to end things on that note. I don't know if I'll really be able to be friends with her or if every time I see her is going to re-open these wounds, but I do really like her and like having her in my life. Right now, I'm not in the mood to wallow. Instead I sleep. G'night you beautiful bastards.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

odarable — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 01:22:13 -0800

Recently I've managed to be labeled "not good enough" by some viking with long blonde hair and a beard again. Whom I've been in love with since May. But he was never in love with me. And then when he found out I had feelings, he said he didn't want to hurt me. And then he started treating me horribly, not even saying hello when we met. I followed him and asked why, he said mean things and made me cry, and he left, and I have not heard from him since, and I have not been out since, and this fall sucks so much to begin with. Season Affective whatever. Not been so suicidal for two years. Didn't need his kicking me when I was already down. Shit's been horrible for two months and I don't even have the energy to wallow much on the internet, which is probably a whole new low for me. He's in MY favourite bar with MY friends all the time, but they're more his friends, I can't go there again for forever. Can't drink at all really. I'd only hurt myself. More. Who past the age of 16 hurts themselves on purpose anyway?! So I just sit here. And watch bad tv series. And don't go out.

Today I cried because Grey's Anatomy won't be airing again until January. That's... Yes. I disgust myself.

I really just want to fall asleep and sleep until spring. Like, see you in April. I'd wake up happy and thin and have Christmas presents waiting for me.

How does one just go on through the bloody shitstorm?

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Pooka — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 04:11:34 -0800

oookkkaaaay....so my dj is back...I guess...he's not moving after all...and after being betrayed by a bunch of people around him, he seems to have realized who his real friends are. He made some comments about hanging out last night but I was in the middle of painting and wasn'tabout to stop for his bi polar ass.
OHHH...yes..I painted. OOOOOOH I painted!!! I said fuck it, and pulled out what acrylics I have left, my one canvas, and just started painting. It ended up being a decepticon symbol on a weird swirly background. Much fun, and I'm going to continue working on it today. I've found if I don't try to be too controlled and precise, I can still make some pretty colors and not get pissed off at my lack of dexterity.
i'll post pics once i get it finished. I'm debating on if I should give it to my dj or sell it. his birthday is coming up...i'm kinda pissed at him still...he hasn't verbally appologized to me, but he's been friendly and helpful and wanting to work again...I really don't know how to feel, or what to do right now...
I could just sell it and use the money for more merch for my toy business...
we've been doing crappy on sales this week. People want boxed toys right now...I've already sold through a bunch of my MIB toys, and have a bunch of really awesome, but loose transformers and G I Joe that are just not selling...

I've decided to try to find fulfillment in my art and work. seems like everyone i meet out here is backstabbing someone else. Maybe it's just this bunch i've met here so far, but it seems the general theme of life is to get what you can and fuck everyone else...
I've met like, one or two genuinely nice people out here, but they are usually too busy for the likes of me.

also, been kicking some ass on Dynasty Warrior 6. It absolutely kills my hands every time but some games I can still grit my teeth through the pain and play...if it's not too intense... now that my dj is no longer sleeping on my couch, i can have my living room in the early morning while my husband and kids are still sleeping (or at school). I am in a half way decent mood for the first time in a while...i guess i'm riding on that creativity high still :)

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Kay Orchison — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 06:04:42 -0800

@Vornaskotti - that was your very own Carl Sagan moment right there, when you posted that. Made my day, for one thing. Thanks.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Kay Orchison — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 06:16:55 -0800

Alright Jesus fucken Christ if I'm on here at this hour I've gotta say it - this week has been Hell. I think the meds are actually interfering more than they're helping now. I think this is because while I was diagnosed with and medicated for depression what I actually have is bipolar. Bad manic phase this week, picking fights with online strangers for no discernible reason, fuck all sleep, the bad jitters. Mad thoughts and epic dreams. Got a lot done! In some ways had a ball. It's sort of like gaining 30 IQ points and a Berserk powerup, except that what's required of you then is to make breakfast for the children, resleeve 25 years worth of negatives, try not to say or do anything that you'll later regret, fix the VW again, make dinner for the family, clean up, get some sleep.

I think I need new meds. Stabilisers not antidepressants. Anyone here on lithium? Are the side effects as bad as they used to be?

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

sellmeyoursoul — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 07:30:44 -0800

@oda - Sorry to hear about your pain. And SAD... not a helpful thing up there in the frozen north. I don't have anything to share beyond mutual pain. It sounds like your viking is a dick and in the long run you're well rid of him. Although the short run is probably going to suck.

@Pooka - I'm glad to hear your DJ is back, but I'd urge caution. If he hasn't even apologized and he's feeling abandoned by a bunch of people, he may just be taking advantage of you. Try not to set yourself up to get hurt again if he decides to leave/turn on you again.

@Kay - It sounds like you know what you need to get yourself sorted. That's a great start. Hopefully you have the means to make that happen.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

oldhat — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 12:22:21 -0800

@oda I think you should respond to Stupid Viking Guy Who Has No Class the only way Stupid Viking Guys Who Have No Class understand: Battleaxe.

This week...phew! Lots of good and lots of crazy. The only problems have been dealing with my father, who seems to have done enough working out to bring him in to that phase of "superior douche" that a lot of people go on. He's been annoying his overweight friends, bugging my mom and made a few comments about my weight that forced me to just walk away (Refused to believe that I was anything under a shirt size of XL [I'm a Medium]. Mom had to step in and confirm). I know it's only a phase that the recently converted to fitness go through, but it's just getting annoying.

The past week has been filled with mini emergencies for work which have made me half-insane. Nothing huge, just press releases to write up and send out to National media within 15 minutes, Having one hour to find a post-processing shop to dub a ten-minute tape, and having very little time to run to my house, grab my video camera and run back downtown just in time to film a rehearsal that, sad to say, I got kicked out of. Keep in mind, I like these kinds of things and they keep me interested. Just with all that and my natural tendency to worry about fucking up leaves me a LOT more fatigued than usual. Plus with all these emergencies I ended up not being able to go to boxing at all this week. I miss punching people.

Otherwise things have been great. No one is screaming for my blood (wait is that good), I have money for Christmas/Birthday presents for the next month and I've got Alan, who has been amazing. I'm also thinking of setting up a thread on here inviting people to a night at C'est What (wonderful pub) for my Birthday (the day is the 4th, but drink'll have to be the 3rd).

With Alan (and I hope he's okay with me posting about him), we've been e-mailing quite a lot and working out how to see more of each other. I like that we're already showing a commitment to do that, which is putting me more at ease over the whole distance situation. Kind of sucks as I'm spending this weekend at home in my underwear watching cartoons and him as a plus one would be amazing, but we're working through it and I'm feeling good about it.

And good LORD, being involved with a writer is wonderful. 9 hour drive away and he can make me smile like an idiot and blush with a single e-mail.

Tonight I am at some point meeting up with a friend and I'll be heading to barVolo to try out BrewDog's TOKYO Imperial Stout with an 18.5% ABV. At $22 for a single bottle here, I couldn't totally justify it, but I got a paypal donation through the Thirsty Wench that made it possible.

And then, underwear and cartoons.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Fishelle — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 13:29:11 -0800

@Oda
That viking dude is certainly a jerk you don't need to associate with, but I know having mutual friends makes it tough. I've been going through a similar situation lately, a boy I love who won't talk to me, and who is friends with most my friends. It sucks.
In my case I told the boy flat out that I refuse to let his presence keep me from doing things I want to do, and if he was any kind of grown up he would at least attempt to not make things awkward around our mutual friends who don't deserve to have to pick sides. Luckily, the message seemed to get through enough for him to not attack me or pretend I didn't exist the last time I saw him. It still hurt a lot to see him being all cuddly and kissy with his new girl, but at least I had real friends there to distract me.
I know that's not the sort of thing that works for everyone, and you have to deal with the situation how you feel is best. If that means avoiding him, that's completely understandable. But I would encourage you to try and spend some time with people that are actually good and that actually matter. The more time you spend with people that are good, the less you'll be bothered by the ones that are jerks.
Also, sometimes crying comes from silly things happens. Sometimes a cry gets pushed out by something that doesn't matter at all, because you just need to cry about something, whether you're even thinking about it at the time or not. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is necessary and healthy.
I hope you feel better soon.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Comicbookbunny — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 14:47:15 -0800

Trying to hook up two friends of mine. I'm really hoping it goes well for both of them. The girl is wonderful and chill (and a model) but keeps ending up with dead beat guys who treat her like dirt. The guy (not a model but could be) really nice, got out of a very long relationship not too long ago where the girl toward the end wasn't being supportive and frankly was a shallow cunt at him. He is a GREAT guy. They both are relaxed with much the same sense of humor, in love with a ton of the same old video games (and transformer obsessed)
I'm just crossing my fingers they hit it off. They both could use someone good. If nothing else I know he will make the girl feel good about herself for how ever long she'll let him.

I'm not sure whats going on with me but i've been dreadfully dizzy all day. Enough water, food and no caffeine. Just not sure whats the cause. I honestly thought I was going to pass out on my model. She however fell asleep in the chair and almost got poked in the eye.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

brittanica — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 16:44:41 -0800

I don't like posting in the (Formerly SN)OM more than once. I do kinda miss it only being open for a limited time; I don't know why, but it felt different letting it out then.

I think I'm right at the downward slant, about to fall over into a really really rough patch where I will question the point of even existing. It feels the same every time. And my sinus problems are coming back, after maybe a year or two of seasons changing and nothing being set off. So that's not helping. But we have no money, again. I was barely able to buy what groceries we absolutely needed. I'm starting to get that paranoia where I think no one cares about me, much less acknowledges my existence. I just keeping getting mad, mostly at myself for feeling bad. I'm hating that I'm even putting this stuff into text. I am just a bother to each and every one of you by writing this, I'm absolutely sure of it. It's probably not true; there's a book about cognitive therapy on the bookshelf that wants to get that point across to me right now. But it's hardwired. I can't shake it. My life is a fucking mess and it's my fault and I shouldn't subject anyone else to my misery, it's plain and fucking simple.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

DavidLejeune — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:49:05 -0800

@oda: Stop falling in love with vikings!

@brittanica: Stop beating yourself up!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:12:38 -0800

A fooking hell!!! Bloody 2.30 a.m in the stinking morning and i know that's me done with the old sleep thing for the night.Fook shit bolox crap.

(Pause for dramatic effect,right hand supporting head,massive frown on forehead,anxiety throbbing through body,one leg in bed,torso crouched over laptop,a grimace on me mug that scares all,fighting the urge to turn all planetary defence grids around and initiate code scorched bloody earth,feeling paranoid because let's face it what i am writing is just a load of shit,would bell the woman but can't handle her voice screaming down the phone like a pile up on the interstate of insomnia,would go for a walk in the depths of West London but fear i would end up in the cells for possession of free will,just looked up and saw the word viking and aghh i'm a mean old irish viking bastad,staring at absolutely nothing in teen angst existential shitedelia mode with one nicotine stained finger hovering over poxy keyboard,moan moan moan whine whine whine,love love love hate hate hate,ying and yang,ping pow poo,with a hey diddle diddle on me pathetic little yiddle,does bigfoot eat crisps? Of course the sad ol' bastad does because it's his choice,getting more demented by the bloody second,i could do this nonsense till the end of time so will stop!)

It's not easy,eh?

Going to make a brew,smoke a fag and check out the innards of everyone's minds.

Laters!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

TechnocratJT — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:57:42 -0800

Delurks.

Well today clinches the last five or so years of my life have done nothing but create debt, failure, and harm people.
And because I am that fucked up The first person i still wish I could talk to at is one person I want nothing to do with.

No idea what to do next. Weekend in bed on legal mood altering drugs. Ativan and ambien cocktail. Start over again Monday.

Comments not needed, just nowherevelsevto say this.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 23:54:21 -0800

@ TechnocratJT: Hang in there.As you said Ativan is a legal drug but from personal benzodiazapine hell it is not a drug to be taken lightly.I was addicted to it myself in the early eighties and have seen it cause more bad than good.

As you said "Comments not needed" so i will wind up yet please take care.Good luck for Monday.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 03:45:15 -0800

@ kay Orchison:This is just my opinion.I know people on Lithium.It's not a substance to let anyone influence you as to take.I believe if you truely "needed" it you would not be able to construe a simple sentence.You would probably not be able to get out of bed or would be doing extreme acts of madness on the streets.

Olanzapine(Zyprexa(TM),Olansapiin etc is a far less dramatic mood stabilizer.I have used it now and again.Yet with all these meds it can have unpleasant side effects.

Available in the states and the uk.

I'm off to yet another NA meeting..Bugger.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Kay Orchison — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 05:52:37 -0800

@Flecky -thanks. That's what I remember about lithium. It's serious shit. Once-powerful minds, having totally lost it, fat and drooling on the psych ward with the spastic jitters and foam on their lips, saying "Lithium and Haldol mate, if they want to give them to you then claw your own face off with a fork instead, it's not worth it." . Will take questions regarding your recommendations to the interview with the new shrink.

I do need help. I can't sleep. I hold it together when the kids are awake. Need better meds.

#NotDealing

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Pooka — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 07:11:40 -0800

@Kay Orchison I can relate. I'm bipolar too, and I was misdiagnosed with depression. They put me on antidepressants and it made me really sick and dizzy. I decided I was better off weathering through my down times myself. I've found that if I can get a mild sedative, for when the anxiety and the BAD get too much, that I can get through the really bad parts, and work my way back into the relatively happy, productive periods. Hell, the last month or so of my posts should show the recent pattern of my lows and recent upswing...
I've noticed something. A lot of bipolar folk are fairly intelligent and frequently have a lot of physical ability. ( I can do normal in public...although I tend to not care as much if people think i'm crazy...) I can't spell for shit and I've addled my brain with years of weed and anxiety, but I've tested above average and used to be in perfect shape, with lots o skills yo. (stupid...frustrating arthritis). I've known quite a few bipolar folk and their generally the same way...maybe it's just how we're wired...

I am staying cautious with my dj...I'm fairly sure that if I schedule the event and he confirms that he is going to work it with me, then he'll not go back on his word regardless of how our personal relationship goes. He likes to claim he takes his business seriously and sticks to his commitments...I guess we'll see. When I sit down to talk to him about business I'm going to explain to him that if he ignores my requests and requirements again then I'll just have to find someone else.
I'm hoping that his lack of a verbal apology is because he just hasn't found the right time...
I'm also hoping that I can get a hold of the manager of the bar I want to use for my show. I'm getting kind of irritated that both the places I've contacted haven't answered my inquiries.

Also...since my dj is back in our group of friends, we're starting to roleplay again. Yes, I'm thirty one and I roleplay...we're even working on our own system we want to create a couple books for ( My business friends R D Hall and Scottie Watson said they'd help once we get things put together! YAY! I love those guys!)
Today we're getting back to our Transformers game. My husband is such a masterful story teller. We're all so addicted to his stories! Currently I'm playing three different characters in our game. An ancient superscientist (who recently learned she was far older than even she knew...technically she ended up being Kali, the creation and destruction goddess...crazy stuff), the sister to Optimus Prime, and one part of an autobot combiner, who winds up an elite gaurd sniper with the autobot military...woot. Fun stuff...hehe

also...painting again. I worked a bit on this decepticon painting. Its been fun because I don't have many shades of paint left, so I'm having to work with what I have.
I'm trying to let my anxiety and frustrations out on the canvas. It seems to be working. I've been more at peace these last couple of days than I have been in a long time. It could just be because the air is beginning to clear with my friend, but I think that a lot of it is the sense of being productive again. I'm still hesitant to feel proud of my skills. I know my dexterity has been reduced tremendously. I can't paint for shit compared to what I used to be able to do...but everyone who's seen me work on it has said it was awesome...so we'll see. I figure if nothing else, I can make a few prints to sell at botcon next year. Oh yeah...we've made plans to have a booth at the transformers convention this year. So any tf fans out there will have a chance to meet and make fun ofme :P.

My step daughters want me to come speak to their art club on the 8th. I'm pretty tickled. I told them I'd dig out some of my old colored pencil art and I'd bring my painting/paintings (I'm planning to do an autobot symbol after this one). I'm so proud of the kids. Technically every adult in their lives has been an artist and they grew up in a comic book store so it's no great shock. :)
I'm thinking about seeing if they want to do some artwork for my charity auction. It might be a fun project...

gosh...i need to stop rambling now...i'm hungry...

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Kay Orchison — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 12:15:22 -0800

Thanks Pooka. Sounds like you've found a system that works. You're sounding much more positive. I have to say I'm scared to try weathering the down times unmedicated because of a close call the last time I tried.

I edited my previous post just now to remove much of the mad drunken rambling. I was a touch sunstruck and then there was beer, and possibly vodka.

It got really hot here in Sydney yesterday, high 30s I think, and our split system air conditioner has been broken since before we moved in over a year ago. A repairer who I called in for a quote said the main PCB was fried and a replacement would cost $1,000 - which we don't have and the landlord has said she won't spend. Air conditioning is not an essential service so it'd be hard to argue that she's in breach of contract.

So yesterday I turned off the power to the aircon circuit, waited half an hour for the dangerous voltages to discharge, then got up there in the blazing sun, took a round of reference photographs of the wiring and pulled the board. There's a lot of oxide on it and a bunch of resistors that are obviously baked, plus one fusible resistor that looks OK but tests open. I spent $9 on parts and a tube of heatsink paste and am hopeful that half an hour with a soldering iron might get us out of the woods. I'm not a sparkie but I figure the worst that can happen is that I screw it up, the board stays broken, and the RCD on the circuit trips when I put it back. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

So then I decided to celebrate my ingenuity with a bucket of beer, cleverly. At some point during the drinking I took my medication (always a good move) and became both nauseous and teeth-grindingly wound up, and apparently started posting nonsense here. Apologies to all, and thanks for the kind words. I'll be hitting up the clinic for an appointment on Monday and staying off the piss in the meantime.

#NotDealing

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

sneak046 — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 13:36:37 -0800

I met @Will Ellwood today for a quick beer while he was on a book-shopping mission in Nottingham, his job and girlfriend have eaten into his WC posting duties, but I can confirm he is still extant. We had time to swap a few stories before he had to jump on a train back to the dark lands of Leicestershire, but it was great to see him again all the same.

There are now tentative talk on twitter of a cross Atlantic/Arctic meet up with me, @will, @icelandbob and @Oldhat for next year, all we need to do is find a pub capable of containing all that awesome. And a well stocked pub it would have to be, too.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 14:41:33 -0800

I am having a day of weepy tears. This happens whenever I got myself new MRIs or something and start to look at them. Comparing them to references MRIs. ANd breaking and crying out of how fucking tired and broken I am because it DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. Because if any of my family that was supposed to protect me or help me had bothered to care when I suddenly went crosseyed at age 19, if anyone had payed mind to my complaining of being in pain since I was 14 instead of blaming me for it, if anyone had cared to notice that having joints that pop and crack and hurt at age 10 is something worth looking into, if anyone had brought me to a proper doctor when I started getting tendonitits and a constant limp when I was 13..... Well, I might be able to do things like draw or fucking READ or not have wasted my entire 20's and now half of my 30's on fighting for health coverage and battling doctors for answers and doing it all on my own.

I wanted to leave the country. I wanted that over ten years ago. Now everyone is married, and I hurt all the time, and really, all I want to do now is nest. I'm watching the life I wanted slip away. I've hardly read, I've hardly drawn, I've hardly done a thing but be paralyzed in fear and doubt, afraid of what my body will take from me next, not wanting anything to be too enjoyable, for fear of feeling it's loss. Probably why I have no sex life.

Fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Also, I'm probably failing out of school because I'm too afraid to start trying to catch up on all the classes I'm so behind on due to Disabilty services not getting my my books until the semester was 2 months in. But school is the only way I have health insurance until I am eligable for Medicare. Y'see, even if you are deemed Disabled by the state, you still have to wait a probationary period of a year or two before they will give you health coverage.

I hate everything.

I just keep thinking of the best case scenario, and that best case scenario involves me finally getting the surgery I need. But I'll still have all the damage. My vision will still be fucked, my joints a mess of pain, and I'll be going through this process all on my fucking own.

I don't have anybody. And that's the worst part of all this. I've nobody to cry to. Nobody that will be waiting and worried.

I've got no real relationship with my family. My dad invited me for Thanksgiving, but that's just for show because of extended family being present. my stepmother unfriended me on Facebook, and trashes me to my half sister, who really seems to despise me. My mother is an insane Narcissist who cancelled my health coverage, but now emails me weekly telling me about how much she wants to be part of my life, ignoring the fact that I've made it clear that I want nothing to do with her. The one person I had in my life, the one human I saw in meat space on a regular basis and who actually called and visited to make sure I was ok, well, he's the person who betrayed my trust and broke my heart so severely that it TRIGGERED MY YEARS of BRAINSWELLING.

I like you, my internet friends. And you've helped me immeasurably. And I've got roommates now, and people to chat with sometimes. But christ.

How did I get this fucking alone? I'm so amazingly alone when it comes to the bleeding flesh underneath.

I'm broken. And bleeding. And I am afraid I'm going to explode into sobs accidentally, very soon.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Leandro Damasceno — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 16:51:58 -0800

Dear @Rachæl Tyrell

I don't know if I (or anyone) can tell you anything that will make you feel better, but let me try by saying: I'm sorry. I know what it is to be so alone and to sense that the world is nothing but a big black hole of dispare. I wish I could tell you it's not, that the world is good and things will be fine, but I can't. This world is fucked up and all we have to save us from it is each other. Cheesy, I know, but I really believe that. Not in the human race in general, but I believe in individuals, in people like you and me, in people that share some of the same interests and sensibilities.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: we're here for you. Any time you what, whenever you need, don't be afraid to ask for help or for a shoulder to cry on. I'm in Brazil, problably 20 thousand miles away from you, but I'm also right here. As Stephen King once said, "we're togheter, we're having a meeting of the minds".

Be as safe as you can.

Love,
Leandro

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:15:40 -0800

@ Kay, Pooka, & Flecky -

Regarding stabilizers, well, I'm not saying this is the answer, and I'm suspect of herbalists in general even though I believe it's a better approach than the drug industry in theory, in practice the natural remedy market is mostly comprised of hucksters and charlatans. Anyway... So I found this article: http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/aminobipolar.htm Make of it what you will. If you aren't currently taking anything, and you aren't turning away necessary medical treatment just to try alternative remedies, it's worth a shot, maybe?

@ Leandro - Thank you very much for your kindness.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Pooka — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 03:48:32 -0800

@Rachael Tyrell Thanks for the link. It's really interesting to me because I do have digestion problems as well. I think I'll look into this...

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

icelandbob — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 13:39:31 -0800

@Rachæl

I can't do much from here except give you a 3000 mile hug over the nets. Sometimes things just seem totally insurmountable with no solution presenting itself, but rarely is this the case. It only just feels that way.

And with regards to your family, i think i've already said it before, but if they aren't willing to help and support you in a meaningful way then fuck them. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but we often waste too much of what is frankly very precious time on this earth worrying or trying to get the approval of others. don't be bitter or cut them out entirely but just go your own way and do your own thing

Now just go out there and do excellent things to yourself and others...

EDIT - Oh and with regards to myself, everything thing is on an even keel here. Things are pretty hunk dory. Carry on...

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 15:09:13 -0800

@icelandbob - Well, I had, for a long time, rather accepted that I wasn't supported or helped. That in itself isn't so painful. It's the pretending. It's showing up for Thanksgiving and having my stepmother smile to my face, have my father pretend that he engages with me more than twice a year, have everyone pretend that I'm part of a family that hasn't included me since I was a teenager. I've admitted to them that maybe my actions as a teen warranted my ostracizion, but they just deny that I'm set apart. But there are no photographs of me in their house, and I'm not ever inbvited to anything unless extended family is. It's also become too much to visit and now witness the glaring differences between myself and my half siblings, the gifts and concern they are saturated with, the help in life, and the success that has followed.

I think I do have to cut them out completely. It's less painful. I can't bear to sit at dinner and be in pain, and know that I'm not supposed to talk about my health issues, because it makes my dad look bad in front of extended family. It's rather impossible to not be bitter. I was a good kid who never talked back and was supposed to be put ahead a few grades. My dad made me stop acting when I was 13, ignored me when I asked to see doctors, and laughed at me when I said I wanted to go to art school. My sister, an attitude-ridden snotty teen, started modeling at age 13 with full support and is now acting in films. I have been abandoned, and nobody wants to admit it. I'd rather not live as part of a family farce. I am the stereotypical "lost" kid whose parents split early and started new lives. That's why my health was never looked after. Nobody was really paying attention. They continue to deny my health issues, because to admit that I AM terribly sick would be to admit personal culpability for not looking after me as a child or adolescent or young adult, when I'd asked for help. I don't belong. I may as well make it official.

Because it just makes me cry, and it's never going to be something it isn't.

But I really do thank you for your thoughts, icelandbob. Truly.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 16:18:43 -0800

@ Rachael Tyrell: Join the club.Your childhood sounds a bit similar to mine.It set me up for a lifetime of self destruction.My mothers side treat me like crap when i became addicted to heroin as a kid.I went to my grandmothers homeless,sick as hell on a freezing saturday night and she turned me away.I hadn't done anything wrong.When she died i smirked at my mother and felt nothing.I couldn't even find it in me to go through the farce of the funeral and that just made that crap side of my family judge me more.

When my legs gave way earlier this year i turned to my sister,who lives in Canada,for a bit of support.The cold bitch didn't want to know.So all i feel now is fuck her.The cow seems to hate my mom who raised us in poverty in the north of England.My mother drove my father away to Australia when i was three.She raised me to hate him.Being in a single family in the 1960's was a big deal and when kids called my a bastard at infant school i used to go mental and usually smack them in the face.

My childhood was fucked.I went from being top of my school at fourteen to a punk rock hippy fall out at fifteen because of false accusations spread about me involving a sick in the head girl. All this crap and more where the reasons,i guess,i got into drugs so easily.To fit in with the older cooler guys.

They way i see family now is that at the end of of the day they are just people and if they don't like me for what i am then that's their problem.Trying to fit in with them all my life has been a stupid mistake.If they can't make a compromise then sod 'em.

I've had a surreal fooking weekend.Saturday was a nightmare and last night my headfuck relationship with the woman seemed to come to a end.She lives quite far away and is in self pity mode.I guess the novelty of my "dangerous personality" has worn off.Fickle shit,eh? Guess i will see.Yet my patience is wearing thin.

I crawled to a NA meet this morning and didn't have time to take my meds.I had to retreat into the toilet and let the poxy little pill melt in my mouth as i lay on the floor groaning and nearly shitting myself.Cool,eh?

I've got hospital this week to be tortured with blunt instruments as they find out how fooked my liver is from hepatitus c.That should be a laugh,eh?

The bullshit crap of xmas is coming and i've watched T.V for the first time in months and the adverts have just reminded me why i've come to hate it.
To make matters even worse my dyslexia is playing up and as you can imagine it really hinders me when i'm writing my short stories.I suppose that's what the editing process is for but it still makes me cringe inside.

Still,life goes on and i got you lot to pester for which i am really grateful.

Thank you Whitechapel.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

flecky — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 18:29:35 -0800

I'm out of my depth on this site.I've tried to partake in other threads but it's just pointless.Yeah, i feel sorry for myself and the woman is freaking trying to dump me with childish texts.Sod me up the arse hole with a huge camel dick.At least on this thread i can fist fuck reality drenched in monkey cum..

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Fishelle — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 21:21:15 -0800

@Rachæl I'm sorry. I wish I had something helpful to say.

@Flecky Hang in there.

I think my spleen needs venting.

So, last night I was feeling lonely. It's such cuddly weather out there, and I've been feeling so much in want of companionship. Maybe it's the time of year. It was a year and a week ago that I had my first kiss. Maybe that's part of why I'm feeling like this, too. I don't know. I probably don't really need an excuse.

Anyway, I randomly decided to look at my ex's facebook briefly. I've done so in the past, but not too often in the last few weeks. I couldn't find it though. I thought he'd deleted it. I couldn't see him in other's friends lists, either. I mentioned it to my sister today, who is one of the 65 or so mutual friends we had on facebook, and she told me no, that she'd seen he was online yesterday. I guess he blocked me.

This really shouldn't bother me so much.

But I just don't feel like I deserve the treatment I've gotten from that stupid boy. With a few exceptions, I've been an adult about all of this, while he's been the one overreacting and being like a child. And even though I know he's not worth thinking about or wasting time over, I miss him and want so dearly to just be on friendly terms. No matter how much I tell myself I can't allow him to hurt me anymore, all I want and all I've been wishing for is for us to just be friends again. And every time I think that maybe, someday, I'll be able to go where he is without feeling like I'm going to burst into tears, he does some other unnecessary thing to push me farther away. Every time I start to feel okay, he does something to remind me that there is a human being out there who wants nothing more than for me to be miserable.

This shouldn't even be one of those things. I shouldn't have even noticed.

If you would have asked me 6 months ago about my biggest regret, I would have told you about a friend I had from 3rd grade to high school. She chose to be my friend when she moved into my town, despite being told flat out by our peers that this would mean she would not have any other friends. That girl saved my life in so many ways. Then, for a long time, things were the same. We did have more friends though, after a while. In high school, I had a massive crush on one of them. Then the boy I had a crush on came out of the closet our sophomore year, and I was devastated. I said some awful things to her and to him. That stupid hatred and lack of understanding that I was taught all my life came out, and I lost my dearest friends for it. I'm friends with that girl on facebook now, but not really in any other way. Same with the boy.

I still hate myself for that, and all these years later can't forgive myself. But I don't know if it's my biggest regret anymore. I also hate myself for falling in love with that boy that's been going out of his way to block me, for letting myself be so stupid as to let him hurt me so badly.

I have a hard time letting go of people when I know it's happening, but I'm terrible at keeping friends. I'm awful about calling and checking in on people, and I know I need to do better but I just don't even know how to go about it. My best friend is on a Mormon mission right now. She left in August. I put my first letter to her since she left in the mailbox this afternoon. She's the only person that's not family I've ever been so close to and not completely fucked things up with.

My ex is easily the person that knows me better than anyone in the world right now, even after being separated since summer. I just wish he was an innocent third party and I could go to that person for advise and help. Obviously can't do that. Since my best friend is off on a mission I can't really turn to her. And my sister I'm living with has gotten sick of me wallowing about this stupid boy.

I just want someone to hug me and tell me everything will be okay, even though it's not. I can talk about this to anyone, and basically I do, through my art if nothing else. But I want to talk to someone who actually knows me and really cares. There just aren't a whole lot of those people left in my life.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

razrangel — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 23:53:18 -0800

I'm really worried about my dad. I'm really worried about a lot of things in my life. How to make it all work, how to be disciplined about it, how to make money so I can actually be an adult instead of just being old. How to organize myself and my shit so I go where I need to go and be a reliable person for other people.... I desperately want to be the one helps other people instead of getting their help.

But I'm really really worried about my dad. He needs strong meds to deal with his arthritis pain, but the strong meds are damaging his kidneys. He needs round the clock care from us.... I'm just really fucking worried.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 00:44:20 -0800

@razangel - Try giving him large doses of Milk thistle daily. I'm suspect of herbal remedy, but it does have a few uses I stand by. I'd a friend who nearly OD'd, and was on the brink of kidney failure. After a month or so of heavy doses of Milk Thistle, her kidneys were functioning perfectly, to the amazement of her doctors. Research it, but I've never heard of any sort of conflict of interactions. It might help things.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Kay Orchison — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 02:14:10 -0800

@Rachæl - thanks for the info. An interesting perspective, particularly in light of the fact that the dietary intolerances mentioned are known to run in my family. I'll take it to the shrink for discussion. Got an appointment for next week.

I tried to post this morning but couldn't think of anything remotely lucid to say regarding your predicament. What I've come up with tonight might not be up to snuff either, but I'll give it a throw. I'm reading a neurology text at the moment that confirms that a lot of what I knew went through as a child - I was a what the author calls a midnight resurrection, someone who recovered from supposedly irrecoverable brain damage - was real, and exactly how I remember it. Despite my current difficulties, the hardest thing for me right now is that history. There's a despairing kind of self pity that beckons when I begin to accept just how long the climb out of Hell has been, and when it begins to take hold it rapidly becomes a millstone around my neck making the climb ahead of me seem impossible.

We have both fought hard and long already and there is a fight yet ahead.

What keeps me moving is the knowledge that while in myself I feel weak; while I look at neurotypical folk and the lives they take for granted and the judgement they heap on anyone who fails to effortlessly succeed to their standards and I feel like a failure; what I really am is strong beyond measure. They have walked up the meadow to their sunny hilltop. I have crawled up a million miles of burning sulfurous volcanic vent to reach the base of the same little hill and they judge me for not reaching the summit yet.

Damn them. We both will, you and I, and when we do we will shine.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Rachæl Tyrell — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:09:39 -0800

Dear Kay - You are fucking awesome. I am going to put on my stompy boots and go into the world for social things! BWA HA! FUCK YOU WORLD!

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

dorkmuffin — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:35:10 -0800

@Raz,

Do a little research before the milk thistle thing. Depending on what your dad has (I know you've mentioned but I can't remember :[ ) there are a number of drugs that milk thistle can interact with, not least of all Coumadin (also known as Warfarin). It interacts with just about EVERYTHING and it's a common drug for cancer patients to be on as well as older people and some diabetics. It's a blood thinner and most docs prescribe it.

Also for reference, Coumadin/Warfarin (same thing) interacts with FUCKING EVERYTHING. Even some foods.

From this website, the website for the University of Maryland Medical Center (but corroborated on a number of more jargony websites. Pasted from UMMC for use of non-doctor language. Jargony version here.).

If you are being treated with any of the following medications, you should not use milk thistle without first talking to your health care provider.

Antipsychotics -- includes butyrophenones (such as haloperidol) and phenothiazines (such as chlorpromazine, fluphenazine, and promethazine)
Phenytoin(Dilantin) -- a medication used for seizures
Halothane -- a medication used during general anesthesia
Birth control pills or hormone replacement therapy
Milk thistle may interfere with the following medications, because both milk thistle and these medications are broken down by the same liver enzymes:

Allergy drugs -- such as fexofenadine (Allegra)
Drugs for high cholesterol -- including statins such as lovastatin (Mevacor, Altocor)
Antianxiety drugs -- including alprazolam (Xanax), diazepam (Valium), and lorazepam (Ativan)
Antiplatelet and anticoagulant drugs (blood thinners) -- including clopidogrel (Plavix) and warfarin (Coumadin)
Some cancer drugs
Drugs broken down by the liver -- because milk thistle works on the liver, it may affect drugs broken down by the liver, of which there are many. Speak with your health care provider.

- The girl who researches drugs and diseases all day at work. For money.

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

razrangel — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 22:08:08 -0800

Thanks Rachael, Thanks dorkmuffin. I don't know anything about milk thistle and my dad is on such a battery of drugs (85 years old, arthritic, gouty, asthmatic, has had polyps in his lower intestines and colon and more) that I wouldn't want to mess with it. The doctors are having a hard enough time keeping the system playing nice. Is milk thistle supposed to aid kidney function?

OPEN MIC - the Spleen Venting Thread (Nov 11th - 17th)

Flabyo — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:49:15 -0800

#milkthistle

I take it sometimes when my Gilbert's Syndrome is making me look particularly yellow around the gills. (I still go with the name Gilbert's Syndrome, cause 'familial benign unconjugated hyperbilirubinaemia' is difficult to say). Still not entirely sure if it's placebo effect, because there's not really been much study of Gilbert's as its considered medically 'benign'. It doesn't feel bloody benign to me sometimes, blech.