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    • CommentTimeNov 14th 2011 edited
    Thanks for the nice words, everybody and WHOOOOOOOO! for oldhat and her chosen male! \o/
  1.  (10342.62)
    @Hex: you know you're always welcome at our excessively-yellow apartment.

    I think I'm still slightly hung over from Saturday night. Getting old.
    • CommentTimeNov 14th 2011
    Piss. I sat here and typed out a bunch of stuff and accidentally closed the window and lost it. I'll try to abbreviate:
    - Lost my job a couple months back, pissed me off and made me feel like crap.
    - Lost my grandmother, who raised me, just over a week later. Cue a depression starting to settle in.
    - My biological mother stole the money meant to fly me back for the funeral. So I didn't get to say goodbye. I had flown out a few months before, and thought I'd made my peace with it, but you never really know how you're going to feel about it until the time comes.
    - I have a busted tooth that requires oral surgery to remove. I no longer have insurance since losing my job, and I can't afford the surgery until my insurance with the new job kicks in, which won't be until January at the earliest.
    - However, the pain has stopped with the proper application of antibiotics and painkillers, which were not too terribly expensive.
    - I do have a new job, as a barista, at half of my previous salary. But it provides insurance, which I do need.
    - I've also gotten a few small commissions doing design work here and there. It's not much, but every little bit helps.
    - Probably a by-product of the depression, but I'm painfully lonely. I used to enjoy being single and not being tied down, and even though I've got a couple of people I've been involved with, they're either far away or our schedules conflict. I'm a very simple creature. I thrive off the attention from my companions, even if it's just being in their presence. I miss that.
    - It's getting better. Slowly. It has to, right? That's what I keep telling myself. But I'm a terrible liar.
  2.  (10342.64)
    Today was a shit day; I'm blaming my body's current freak out about meds it was fine with a few weeks ago. Slept through most of the day due to meds and a combination of forgetting to press 'set to on' on my phone's alarm clock. OOps.

    Anyhow, enough of me bitching, you guys probably know the basics- meds make me feel sick, the end. Alan and Hatter together made me smile. So, that's something. Not dead yet, whitechapel made me smile.
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2011
    Insomnia hollows you out.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2011 edited
    Hello o faithful Whitechapel.

    Frankly it's amazing that i can tap in this mindshite.I've been going through fucking hell.Pure torment.Not just self pitying pain but anxiety levels that have had me thrashing around on my bed wanting to blow off limbs with a shot gun.My good lady friend has been researching methadone withdrawals at length which eased my psychosis down a bit.I can't read,draw,write or concentrate on anything.I had to medicate myself with prescribed sedatives a few hours back to get a couple of hours sleep.

    At one point yesterday i was so obsessed with unbridled darkness i had to fight the urge to get out my spell book and do a ritual of destruction.I've got to be really careful as i am not the 25 year old shaman bastad that used to drop mushrooms and do exorcisms in properties saturated in negative energy that me and my squatting clan used to live in in West London back in the early nineties.There was one place off Kensington High St. that even the most rational person was scared to live in but when you are homeless you sometimes don't have a choice.

    Something really bad had happened there.You could taste it.People had left behind all their possessions.We found journals,dairies etc and the madness was rife.I remember breaking in doors that hadn't been opened for decades and it was like opening vacuum packed tins of despair.These houses where huge and the view from their roofs of London was amazing.Something i will never forget was checking out the attic which was a hideous place.I opened the window to take a breather from the stench.I was ok but suddenly i felt a little twitch on my neck.As i stepped back i noticed the wall surrounding it was actually moving.I looked on it in mild disbelief.As i scratched my neck i noticed something in my hand.A bug.I tiny little rock hard brown bug the like of which i've never seen before or since.The fucking wall was a seething crackling mass of something awful.

    Anyhow,after flinching,and running to find my mates to relate this horror i soon went back and went into exterminator mode and committed genocide.I really enjoyed that bit.Screaming "Die you little motherfooking cunts".Honest,it was like something from a early Clive Barker book or vintage Hellblazer.

    Number 12 Observatory Gardens West Kensington.A lot of dead or now crazy good souls went insane living there.That place was fooked.

    Anyhow i hope you are all good and maybe just trying to live life on life's terms.Sometimes it's all you can do...
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2011
    Flecky, man--you are the poster child for rolling with the punches. Keep it up, and quit fucking with evil sperrits!
  3.  (10342.68)
    According to the union, I can do fuck all about the asshattery of the previous employer. "Unfortunately there's little to do if the leadership doesn't understand the realities of human life."

    So, selling my stuff and sending out work applications, while considering the merits of punching holes through a few doors.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2011
    @:Fauxhammer: Ta mate.Insomnia does hollow you out.

    Yeah,now is not the time for me to be messing with magic.
    • CommentAuthorPooka
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2011
     (10342.70) exfwb came over last night for a few minutes. He's still leaving town as far as I know, but he felt bad for fighting with actual verbal appology for me, but he did get our xbox cleaned and modded and our ps3 is on the way today with the same treatment. he also swore to us that we'd be the first folk he would pay back when he got the money together...
    that doesn't really help my show though and doesn't make me feel less hurt and insulted. If he's still talking about leaving the state/country, then I can't rely on him being here when I finally get my date set, or be able to rely on him not to have a bitch fit towards me the next time i have to consult him on something work related.

    i've been having some crazy insomnia going on lately. I think I'm managing maybe four hours of sleep a day..most of it I get on the couch inthe evening when my husband is playing assassin's creed (the background and ambient music and sounds put me right to sleep).
    Once I relocate to the bed at about three in the morning, I might as well just stay awake because I'll just lay there, no matter how tired I was when I went to bed.
    I don't know how i've kept this up for so's been months since this trouble started and the only full night's rest ive gotten is after i've gone a few days without much at all...and i can only remember a couple of those...

    blarhg.It's probably just stress...
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2011
    @ oldhat - Punching is fine. Just don't punch ME. Been there, done that, got the bruises to prove it. Also, glad you love LW&C. Are you ready for the next few volumes yet? There are 28 in all and each one is better than the last. When it was being released, the month-long wait for the next volume was EXCRUTIATING. (By the way, reread carefully 'The Gateless Barrier' from V2 - it is absolutely the key to the entire series.)

    re:insomnia - meditation can be very benficial for such matters.

    When I was a kid, I did biofeedback therapy for a ... medical condition and it taught me that there are untold worlds right inside your head and that you are the master of your own mind. "Watever can be done chemically can be done non-chemically" said William S. Burroughs and he oughtta know.
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2011
    Been quiet a while. Mostly due to one thing: the move. After a pretty shitty early part of the year, a little while ago I decided to say fuck it and jump ship. I quit my job, left my house, left my state. Got a place down in Raleigh, NC. Still no job yet. Hell, still no furniture yet, but it's a start. Needed a change. A big one. Hopefully things look up from here, much as I'll need to claw for it. Always felt better with something to work for.
  4.  (10342.73)
    @Alan and Robin - Congrats kids. Good luck. Um... in my experience skypesterbating is a way too keep the romance alive in a long distance relationship. (What? Too soon?) Actually, Alan, thanks for being all gushy. It puts my own fuzzy-girl-feelings into perspective (and hopefully I'm no longer the source of the vomiting that everyone else must suffer through).

    My lady-friend-person has been out of town so I haven't seen her for over a week and won't until next weekend. I've reached the point where I've decided I like this girl more than just a "hey, this is fun for right now and who knows, maybe I might accidentally get laid or something." So of course that means that now I'm second-guessing everything I say/do so I don't screw it up. And from there, the up-screwing comes. We're going to try another writing date Saturday, but if we haven't seen each other in almost two weeks, I don't see myself wanting to sit quietly next to her revising comic scripts. I did manage to grind out a rewrite of my screenplay and sent her a copy this morning. It will be the first time she actually reads any of my work. Yeah, I'm a little nervous about that.

    Oh, and a buddy of mine got me a Freakangels shirt. I think it's his way of saying "sorry that I've spent the last several years not drawing the comics you write." Regardless, it was appreciated.

    @Flecky - Stay strong mate.

    @Everyone else - Best of luck finding work/medical help/sleep/"the right" flamethrower.
      CommentAuthorCameron C.
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2011
    @86: You have the balls to do something I wish I could do. Hope you make it work.

    Most important thing first: A few weeks ago I bought a new computer and Steam is my new lover. So if you want to occasionally kill me in TF2 or something else my profile is right here: BLOOP
    I also just got a 360 controller for my computer. Bastion on controller == <3

    Ummmm. I don't know. The job is going well. I've had two days on the floor and it's been good. Helping customers comes just as easily as it did when I worked at Borders and as long as I stay in the Tech section helping people find stuff is pretty easy.I'll supposedly be trained to work in the copy/print center at some point too, which Im looking forward to mostly due to this adorable blond girl that also works there *___*

    My birthday was last friday. I have a check from my daddio to deposit today AND ALSO a check from work, already, for my three days of training. A full two weeks check is gonna be so nice. I've been enjoying work a lot, and the people I've met.

    I also sent my third silly comic full of robots, paranoia, and childlike wonder to the printer. If you want a copy you can order one here: BLEEP
    I'm happy with how this one turned, all things considered. I never thought this one was gonna get finished ~_~ Once the school semester ends in 5 weeks I'll start on #4. Next year I hope to complete a total of three Scrambled Circuits issues, two regular ones and a special, different sorta thing. BUT THEN AGAIN IVE BEEN PLAYING A LOT OF STEAM SO MAYBE ILL JUST GIVE UP THIS COMICS THING ALL TOGETHER AND PLAY MORE VIDYAGAMES.

    On my birthday, my desert friend was suppose to take the train up to visit me. That didn't work out. I THINK next week I have off from school for thanksgiving, so I wont have class monday or wednesday (or work) so maybe Monday I'll get to see her. In about six weeks she leaves. Urrg. D:
  5.  (10342.75)
    @oldhat and Alan - squeeeeeee

    @Vornaskotti - bastards. But I suppose if they're that toxic, you're best off out of it in the long run - doesn't pay the bills though.
  6.  (10342.76)
    I think Flecky is our resident John Constantine.

    @roadscum &Trini - thank you.

    @Vornaskotti - Good god. A text message firing is amaaaaazingly dickish.

    Me, I had a day yesterday. I woke at a human hour, rented a car for a few hours, DROVE on riverside highways while blasting Janes Addiction to get to a photogig in NJ, had a picnic for one in a (kinda crappy) park area, drove back blasting DJ Davros' Key to Time album of brilliance while chainsmoking my Blu, returned the car (within minutes of my phone GPS dying) just in time to subway back to Manhattan and get new MRIs of my spine (for which the DJ Davros was a good audial prelude: WHAM WHAM WHAM BWAWAWAWAWA WHAM), got the techs to give me the CD of said scans, then walked two blocks away to take part in my roommate's Drinking Monday friend crowd for a few hours, then walked four blocks from there to hang with my bartender friend who knew me when I was 8, and there I stayed until 5am, talking about The Prisoner, watching Father Ted, and listening to Syd Barret Floyd bootlegs from 1966, and drinking Duvel and Delirium.

    I can't move today really. Every bit of me hurts. But yesterday I felt alive, and as though I was able to catch up to the rhythm and patterns of life that usually crush me between the gears. I think I will have to try and make it necessary that I take a driving day trip at least once a month (because driving fast and smoking w music is so amazingly awesome) to somewhere that I can smell nature. I really do think that my favorite and most profound high is the antidepressant feeling the scent of earth instills in humans (and other mammals). It makes me feel AMAZING. I might try to visit the park around the Cloisters a few times a week, perhaps. Just... natural land. mmmf.

    @DavidLeJeune - Funny, I'm having the exact same issue about Christmas. So... if I haven't managed to flee somewhere exotic for my birthday, I'll around NYC for Christmas without much to do.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2011
    @ Rachael: Hang in there kiddo.Everyday i always tell at least one person that it's a miracle i am alive.It helps if it's someone who has been through similar circumstances.I'm with you on the scent of earth thing.Especially round this time of year.
    And can't deny the magic of Syd Barrett.I cripple round the backstreets singing his tunes out loud.Fooking great.
    Yeah,this xmas has the potential to be a right bastad for me.I can't get pissed because if i do the buzz is just not enough for i can't be round supposed mates acting stupid.It's so tedious.They bore me stiff.And my liver can't take it because of hepatitus C.At least junkies shut the fook up when they nod off.But i can't be around them either.Don't want to.
    I reckon i will do something voluntary to help out the homeless or other addicts.Or maybe visit the woman thing.Or i may just go to a park and soak in the stillness.Read.Who knows...Nothing is true!

    As they say in The Village.."Be seeing you".
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2011
    @ Camaron C:I too absolutely fooking love Matt Wagners Grendel.That epic changed my life.I've even done a few little comics for myself just for the sake of.Sometimes i see myself as Eppy Thatcher..but look what happened to that poor bastad!We can't have that,eh?

    At the moment i hate chavs.London market boy jumped up casual neat generic twats.Especially the one's who do coke.I'm calling in a napalm strike.My heart is beating at the prospect.My foul mutated sex dwarves are pleading me to be on clean up detail.Patience,my beauties,patience..
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2011
    You know, Patrick, every time you call Alan a CIA agent from now on, I'm gonna wanna launch into the spy bit from Duck Soup. Next time, next time.
    Also, I meant to borrow Flaming Carrot but the comics-explosion got overwhelming that night. Next time, next time.
  7.  (10342.80)
    Well that just happened.

    I just got a call from the whateverthefuck and she's apparently "just feeling the friends thing." shitfuckshitfuckshitfuckshit And of course, for the first time since my divorce, I was thinking "here's someone I wouldn't mind officially making my 'girl-friend.'" It's my own damn fault. I'm too nice a guy. She told me that she started thinking about this when I brought up how fast things were moving the last time we saw each other. I asked because I knew she was going through a divorce and didn't want to rush into things and yet, we seemed to be spending a lot of time together all giddy like. Like a moron, I wanted to build the relationship on honestly, being open and mutual respect... All that shit.

    Rationally, I know that she wouldn't have come to this conclusion if there wasn't some seed of it there already. Hell, the relationship I had immediately following my divorce involved me keeping the woman at arm's length until I finally broke it off with her. I know that this is a temporary setback and that eventually I'll meet someone who feels the same about me as I do about them. That's all fine and good. I also don't feel like I need a girl. I have a lot of shit going on. But I want that specific one. I tried not to get too attached. I knew things were going fast and it was freaking me out a bit, but I decided I wanted to go with it and not stress. Well, here's the inevitable heartbreak and second guessing of everything I did.

    Whitechapel, I hope you're having a better time than I am right now. Thanks for listening.

    [Edit: removed some of the freshly broken heart vitriol.]