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      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2011 edited
     (10345.61)
    Just so we're clear, we're REALLY not looking for sex advice.

    (wow, what happened THERE?)
  1.  (10345.62)
    Robin & Alan - what worked for my long distance relationships was love letters. Actual ones written on paper. Something to cherish instead of file-or-delete.

    Best of luck you craaaazy kids!

    (PS, have you tried wanking on Skype?)
    •  
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2011
     (10345.63)
    I like that idea a lot, actually! Been a long time since I've written anyone anything on paper. Might have to change that. Thanks!

    (Oh, wouldn't you like to know!)
    • CommentAuthorKosmopolit
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2011
     (10345.64)
    #GoodHappyPillsForOdaElisabeth

    There are nonpharmaceutical treatments for SAD.

    Melatonin (which is sort of nonpharmaceutical since its a naturally occurrign hormone.)

    Simply trying to maximize your sun exposure - if the weather permits eat lunch outdoors.

    Bluetinted sunglasses in the morning, yellor or red in the evening (supposedly these colors act as cues for your brain and metabolism to speed up or slwo down.)

    Hell, just get some really bright task lights.
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      CommentAuthorallana
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2011
     (10345.65)
    #GoodHappyPillsForOda

    A gym membership. To a good gym. With a sauna and a whirlpool. And maybe a pool so you can float around if you don't feel like working out, just to keep to a schedule. Maybe a boxing gym, for working out aggression while you work out your muscles. Make sure there are attractive young men there.
    Seriously, there are no chemicals that will work for you as much as your own natural endorphins. I paid $80 a month for a good gym a few years ago, and it was the thing that kept me sane over the disgusting Toronto winter. I'll probably need to get one again this year, now that I'm back. Probably cheaper than pills, and the pay-in-advance thing will give you motivation to go, just to get your money's worth.

    Also, vitamin D is probably your thing. I haven't done it myself, but I did try St Johns Wort once and it made me really aggressive, so there's that...
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      CommentAuthordorkmuffin
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2011 edited
     (10345.66)
    #GoodHappyPillsForOda

    So I can't speak much to the good happy pills thing (I've tried only Wellbutrin, which turned me into a total basket case but made me lose about 10 lbs, and Lexapro, which may have worked and may have not). But YES to the gym membership. Try for one with free classes, too. Those are fun.

    Also, make sure you're taking a ton of multivitamins. Vitamin D DEFINITELY, but also the B vitamins and calcium and iron. Those have the added benefit of not only making you happy but making your metabolism happy too!

    #LongDistanceRelationshipAdvice

    OKay so I've never been in a long-distance relationship, but I agree with all that is said here. Also maybe periodic emails/facebook messages (not posts) with private things (not necessarily sexy stuff though that;s also good!) like songs or art or what have you. Just things that you would think the other person finds cool. The internet has lots of free pretty things.
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      CommentAuthorallana
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2011
     (10345.67)
    #longdistancerelationships

    I second the vote for paper love letters. Oh my god. I third it, too. That shit just doesn't get old.

    I also second the vote for no-strings sex outside the relationship. All my LDRs got boring fast, unless they were open relationships. Then they became fun and gossipy and best-friend-y when we were away, and ridiculouslysuperhotintense when we were together. Competition is healthy?
    I remember thinking "It's hard enough to bag one dude; how am I gonna manage multiples?" But the confidence of being in a relationship totally makes you more attractive, and then stuff just happens. Long-distance is far from ideal, and that's a fact. So, go in planning for the worst!
    (Yeah, optimism!)
  2.  (10345.68)
    #GoodHappyPillsForOdaElisabeth

    If it is SAD sometimes vitamin D or 'daylight' fluorescent bulbs help.
    Zoloft (or the generic brand of Zoloft) has worked really well for a few people I know. Didn't add weight, didn't zombify, didn't affect birth control.
  3.  (10345.69)
    #GoodHappyPillsForOdaElisabeth

    Make sure that if you take Vitamin D that it is D3 and not just D. There's a difference, and it matters. It won't absorb properly otherwise.
    •  
      CommentAuthorGreasemonkey
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2011 edited
     (10345.70)
    #LongDistanceRelationshipAdvice

    Catherine and I did the long distance thing between Toronto and Sydney for a couple of years, then spent a couple of weeks together, then it was another year before she came to live with me in Sydney. So yeah, I know about wanking on Skype the long distance thing.

    Apart from the chatting online, gifts are nice if you don't mind risking having your stuff stolen out of the mail. (Registered post cuts down the theft part substantially). Watch the same film at the same time with Skype running. Have webcam dinners.

    If you decide to commit and live together, you're into the Partner Immigration circle of Hell (which Cat and I are now enduring for the second time, having already gained residency for her in Australia). You can make that easier on yourselves now by documenting everything as you go: take photos of all your meetings, list the time, date and place and who was with you. Keep a list of all gifts you send each other (which is something the government specifically asks you about on the immigration forms), and the date on which you sent them. Take note of when you chat online or by phone, and how often. Introduce yourselves to each other's friends and families as soon as you're comfortable with it - the more people who know about your relationship, and the earlier they know about it, the easier the visa process will be later on. Basically, you both need to keep a huge diary of your relationship as it progresses, with as many photographs and small details as you can think of. And no, the Immigration Department doesn't expect to see actual transcripts of your steamy conversations :-)
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      CommentAuthoroldhat
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2011 edited
     (10345.71)
    Wow, so apparently if I try to post anything with my phone it sends it multiple times. Weird. Apologies!

    @Cat, I love that. Thank you! Will definitely start doing that.
    @dork, yeah we've been doing that and it's working quite well. The internet really is awesome for that kind of thing.
    @Grease wow, thank you SO much for that advice. Very handy information all of it.

    @Allana and @Jason:

    So here's the thing: without going in to a long explanation of my experiences with open relationships, my feelings towards sex and the sex/emotion connection as they relate to me and a whole bunch of other related things...I'm just going to leave it at "open relationships aren't my thing". I'm just not wired for them and in a few instances it wasn't for lack of trying. I just can't do it. And Alan, (who I talked with before posting here and asked his opinion before giving my own) is of the same mind. So thanks, I realize that it works INCREDIBLY well with other people, just not us. Different strokes for different folks and all that. :)
  4.  (10345.72)
    #cbt

    Has anyone had success with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy as a source for curing depression?
  5.  (10345.73)
    @Robin - you're welcome. I know it's way too early to be thinking about the immigration and living together stage, but frankly it's either a fucking nightmare or extremely expensive if and when you do get there, and you need to plan strategically from the start. Drop me an email if you have questions at any point.
  6.  (10345.74)
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      CommentAuthorglukkake
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2011
     (10345.75)
    #LDR

    When I first was with my ex, he was in the depths of Western Massachusetts with no car & working endlessly at a restaurant. But he would still try to visit me every so often & sometimes convinced me to go back with him on his bus for the weekend. I would actually have to loaf about the little shopping mall his restaurant was in for 8-10 hours having walked him to his shift & waiting for him when he got out. I know with jobs & bills & all, it's hard to do, but budgeting time/money for each other helps a lot. And letting yourself be sporadic and irresponsible as often as you can manage.

    Text messages, constantly, also help. I may be old fashioned, but I get such a delight in sending texts (and photo texts, and dirty photo texts) to people privately. Especially with photos, it's fun to show someone those wee private things that I'm doing and want to share with just them. I have had entire days dedicated to ridiculous photos passed back and forth and I treasure them.

    And I'm sure I can come up with more things WHEN I SEE YOU IN TORONTO IN 10 DAYS :D
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      CommentAuthorAriana
    • CommentTimeNov 23rd 2011
     (10345.76)
    #LDR

    Turns out it's totally normal and healthy to have a tantrum sometimes when you're hours away from someone you want to spend time with. Forgive him when he's a twat about it. Forgive yourself when you're a bitch about it. Give yourself days off when you get into a spiral where the distance and the "this isn't working" is all you can talk about. Smack yourself if you get stubborn about needing to fix something right now. Step away from the computer if you're about to type something shitty just because misery loves company. Winters SUCK. The Holidays SUCK. Long days of work and an empty house after SUCK. Trying to be rational and writing up lists of pros and cons (or good days vs bad ones) SUCKS. Feeling jealous when he has a good day without you SUCKS. Feeling guilty when you have a good day without him SUCKS. The days when it feels like you're the only fucking one of you trying to make it work SUCK. The sudden realization that you or he is acting like one of those guys/girls SUCKS. The slow creeping realization that one or the other of you has been distant and non-responsive for a few days SUCKS. Lots of things are going to SUCK and you're not always going to be a grown-up about it... and that's okay. That's normal. That's how it works.

    Anyone who tells you they made an LDR work by always being totally mature and trusting their partner is lying to you. Probably because, well, you know, people don't like to admit that sometimes they're irrational assholes. Everyone that has ever had an LDR has had days (or weeks) of acting like an idiot teenager -- either ending in the death of the relationship, or one of those days where they just sucked it up and said "fuck it I am going to deal with this because it's worth it" (the latter of which doesn't immediately fix anything: just like everything in life that's a pain in the ass, it's a process of fighting back until you climb out of it).

    Go into it knowing that you're both making an idiotic decision with crap odds that's going to give you both some pretty miserable days. It's just like deciding to pursue a difficult career like... I dunno, photography. You'd have to be an idiot to try. Unless, you know, you can be stubborn and make it work on the worst days.
    •  
      CommentAuthorallana
    • CommentTimeNov 23rd 2011
     (10345.77)
    Bam.
    •  
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeNov 23rd 2011
     (10345.78)
    Oh. Oh wow.

    I actually feel about 500% better after reading both of those. Thank you Glu, Ariana!
    •  
      CommentAuthoroldhat
    • CommentTimeNov 23rd 2011
     (10345.79)
    @Glu, Thanks, that...actually is really handy to know.
    @Ariana Wow. Thank you for that. Honest as hell and it really does put away some fears I was initially having.
  7.  (10345.80)
    @ragingpacifist:
    My stepson went through depression in his mid-teens. He responded very well to CBT, has had no major reoccurrence. (I note he did also have a short course - 4 months - of a SSRI at the same time.)