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  1.  (10419.101)
    Don't know where else to put this, but I had to share...

    It's my Monday morning today, and I just walked on my housing unit. One of my orderlies motions for me to come over and talk to him. Hes sitting with another orderly, they're both Aryan Brothers. He says, "Hey Fireball (this other inmate) got a book about how to get sentence reductions. One of the ways says an inmate can get a sentence reduction if they were raped by a guard. So we were wondering..."

    I just kind of look at him.

    "Yeah, so anyways we thought it would be better if it was a white guard. Or an Asian would be better..."

    Then I just start laughing. Thanks for a good Monday morning, guys. I just know the rest of the week is gonna be OK.
    •  
      CommentAuthorFauxhammer
    • CommentTimeJan 26th 2012
     (10419.102)
    I feel like my time is coming.
    • CommentAuthorBankara
    • CommentTimeJan 26th 2012
     (10419.103)
    @government spy, that is brilliant, it is like a scene out of one of Warren's books. Wouldn't be surprised if he nicked it. Who says the brotherhood doesn't have a sense of humour?
  2.  (10419.104)
    @government spy - That's awesome.

    Me, I've managed to not fall apart in the face of adversity, and seem to be looking at things in a positive way. I've got bedbugs (and it seems that I'm the host of choice), so most of my furniture (couch, bed, dresser, shelves, rugs, end tables, all cardboard) will have to go, and I've got to shed as much of my stuff as I can manage. Just about all the hard work i've put into making this apartment feel like a home will be dashed. I've been kicking ass getting my stuff in order, and probably wrecked a lot of my clothes by roasting them in the drier on HIGH for over an hour. It's forcing me to reevaluate what is important. I'm looking at it in an optimistic fashion, using it as a way to shed the past and better prepare for wherever my next move will bring me, which may present itself soon. I will work my stuff down to the bare minimum. Yes, this will actually make my life easier in the long run.

    The cute boy who was interested in me seems to be interested no longer, which is a shame and I hope isn't the case. But regardless, it has been awesome to have someone to be silly about for a while, and it reminded me that I could .... y'know... date. And enjoy myself. With an attractive and intelligent person.

    So, hey, look at me, not being doom and gloom, even when I totally have reasons to.
    • CommentAuthorBankara
    • CommentTimeJan 26th 2012
     (10419.105)
    @rachael, damn. Fuck bedbugs. It can be a good and worthwhile thing to pair down one's possessions but not when they are contaminated with itchy-bitey things. Also, fuck cute boys with short attention spans. Just sayin'. You got a lot of reasons not to dwell on the doom and gloom, just try to keep those at the front of the line.
  3.  (10419.106)
    @Bankara - Yeah, fuck bedbugs indeeeeed. This week has been pretty horrific as far as how physically grueling it can be to go through EVERYTHING YOU OWN, but... it's a good justification to get rid of everything that had a bad association with it. Itchy Bitey has blessed me with INCENTIVE. Also, I'm not sure that cute boy is distracted out of being interested, or if my mentioning of happiness at being able to probably get brain surgery soon spooked him. I've no idea. I've had a lot of people not able to deal with my health stuff, but then, I've had guys get scared off because I was too good at sex, so who the hell knows?

    I love my70's brown striped velour sectional couch so fucking much, and it kills me to dump it, but... *breathe* ... it will free me from expense and hassle later when I move, or have to battle bedbugs again in the future. I get to eliminate massive amounts of my things, feeling the freedom of having the choice taken from me.

    For some reason I feel like having to purge this much stuff will make time hurry up, and my next stage of life will arrive more promptly and completely.
  4.  (10419.107)
    @Rachel

    I went through Bedbug Hell for several months, and I didn't have to throw everything away. I ditched the mattresses in bedrooms, but we saved everything else. We made the landlord spray the apartment probably three times with KILL BEDBUG SPRAY, and I suffered for a while while we waited for eggs to hatch and then KILL THEM ALL AGAIN, THIS TIME DEAD, but it was worth it not to destroy everything we owned...
  5.  (10419.108)
    So... I could save my couch?!?

    I love my couch. Dammit.
    •  
      CommentAuthoroldhat
    • CommentTimeJan 26th 2012
     (10419.109)
    So. We got a new TV.

    I have problems with where it's placed (On top of our previous TV/stereo shelf. The area where the TV goes in is too small so it's on top of everything leaving a GIANT 32"x32" hole in the centre of everything) and I doubt I'll be able to play video games on it much because my father feels that the TV is HIS and not the family's, but...

    We got a new TV. It's huge and wonderful. And I'll be able to play on it now and then.
    •  
      CommentAuthorrazrangel
    • CommentTimeJan 26th 2012 edited
     (10419.110)
    A guy friend had apologized to me for his hand in excluding me and any other womenfolk from a certain event. He didn't qualify, pass the buck or get defensive, he just explain how it came about (as dumb little things like this happen, it was quite organic) and accepted that letting it carry on so long when others had complained was wrong and he said he was sorry.

    *smile* I love my friends.
  6.  (10419.111)
    @Rachel

    Honestly, I don't know what I can tell you. Bedbugs nearly drove me insane. I hadn't ever really knew what they were before. I spent several months just itchy, before I was uncomfortable enough to start complaining that something was wrong. They never bothered my girlfriend, so I thought it was just me. Then I went to a doctor who told me I was infected with some unknown parasite. I had to use some weird cream to put on the bites that was supposed to kill them dead. It kept happening. Then we moved downstairs after we had the drug dealers evicted. Then we found the bugs, and thought they were tiny roaches. Then we finally figured out they were bedbugs. Then we were completely disgusted. Because we were able to convince the landlord that the bugs were from the drug dealers, they became his responsibility. The landlord sprayed for the bugs. Then a couple weeks later, they showed up again, then his exterminators sprayed again. Several weeks later we had them do it again. Thankfully, he paid for the exterminators every time we complained. I don't know if that's an option for you.

    Now I lie awake at night, itching from phantom bedbugs. I don't honestly know whether they are gone or not. I don't want to tell my girlfriend if I think I have bites because I don't want her to freak out. They don't bite her, so I don't know if it's all in my head or not. I'm still going crazy.

    So whatever option you do take, do the one that will make you feel satisfied that the motherfuckers are gone.
    •  
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeJan 27th 2012
     (10419.112)
    So get this: I got a job. (Hold your applause, it's a shit job. Retail. The grocery industry, if you must know. At least I'm employed.) Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE, even people who have been there for years) has to have "Customer Service Training". Seriously. I have to sit in a room for two hours (paid, apparently) to be trained how to play nice with customers. I HAVE WORKED IN RETAIL SINCE 1986 or thereabouts. I worked in a bookstore for TEN YEARS - do you know what that entails? Finding titles based on the sketchy and incomplete requests from customers? "I can't remember the author. Or the title. Or what it's about. But the cover is blue."

    I view this as a chance to either a) not take this seriously and have a lot of fun (show up drunk, ask foolish questions like "is it okay to call a customer a polak? What if they're not actually Polish?", mutter violent obscenities under my breath, you get the idea) or b) take it SO seriously, I get a new job at the corporate level as the new Customer Service Training Expert and travel troughout the land, telling my colleagues that no, you should never refer to a customer as a polak.

    Of the two, I prefer option a. It involves showing up drunk (which I'm good at), a certain level of humor and piss-taking. Sticking it to the Man- kinda thing. Furthere updates as they occur.
  7.  (10419.113)
    Congrats on the job!

    In-between working for the Feds, I got a job as a butcher at a grocery store, and after I started sleeping with the hot HR lady, it really gave me some promotion opportunities. Cant recommend that enough.

    That and being the grizzled veteran working with a bunch of high-schoolers made for interesting conversations.
  8.  (10419.114)
    Let me tell you, having neuropathy (which makes me feel like I have insects crawling on my skin, with the creepy crawling and small pains and sudden itching) and bedbugs at the same time makes for some crazy person paranoia.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeJan 27th 2012 edited
     (10419.115)
    @ government spy:I do love your post about your orderlies.It's hilarious stuff.

    I'm no longer a petty-criminal so even if i did something "naughty" i doubt i would end-up behind bars again.My stint in Young Offenders at 19 was hideous:24 hour lock-up on some days.No medication in those days if you where a junkie.
    Going to see the governor...
    "Name?"
    "79364994 etc Flecky,Sir."
    "Ah,Flecky,is it.I see your in here for...let's see...getting caught,yes?"
    "Yes sir,that's right,sir!"
    "How are things,boy?Enjoying the slop and taking showers with perverts who keep dropping the soap?"
    "Yes sir.When i get out i'm going to be a new man and lead a productive life.Honest,sir."
    "Excellent,boy.That's the spirit.You can't beat the good old English penal system,wot!?"

    What a load of crap.I ended up in the notorious Brixton "Fraggle Rock" Mental Wing a few years later.Only till i could get bail.I believe the place has been shutdown now for sometime as it was so barbaric.Made Arkham Asylum seem like good fun.

    Such fond memories.Lovely...
    •  
      CommentAuthordorkmuffin
    • CommentTimeJan 27th 2012
     (10419.116)
    Dear Tea Tree Oil (capitalized because I'm personifying it so I figure I should probably ask it properly, and give it the credit of being a proper noun),

    Please get rid of the totally out-of-character acne cyst on my nose. GUH! EW!

    C
    •  
      CommentAuthorrazrangel
    • CommentTimeJan 28th 2012
     (10419.117)
    Oh my God I'm tired. Oh my God. Theatre. Will you marry me? I know I've asked you before and you've sniffed and waited for me to prove it and I just kind of bummed around, and it's true I'll have to make my bread and butter elsewhere, but I swear, I'll still love you best. I'll always love you. It's possible I can only love you.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeJan 28th 2012
     (10419.118)
    @Rachael:I hope your battle against those bastard bedbugs isn't giving you too much grief.I've had to nuke various forms of critters over the years.Some of a most disgusting nature..
    I was well happy to read about the Medicare and i want you to know i really hope you get the treatment/surgery that you should be entitled to.February is almost here and i'm sure everyone is rooting for you.

    @razrangel:When i was younger i was in a amateur theatre company and we put on some crazy-as-hell productions in a few venues,universities etc.Afterwards,in the bars,students used to ask me questions about "hidden meanings" etc.I probably just stood there with a stupid expression on my face and said "I don't know.Mine's a pint."I even managed to get a job out of it doing workshops in a rehab.I don't know how on earth i pulled it off as i'd had no real formal training.
    If the theatre flirted with me i'm sure it will marry someone like you who has put so much work into it.

    I know i mentioned i did some time in prison but it's nothing i'm proud about and i just want to say i never did any crimes which involved hurting anyone with violence.I've known some real scum-bags in my time and i hate bullies in any form.Don't we all.
    •  
      CommentAuthorrazrangel
    • CommentTimeJan 30th 2012
     (10419.119)
    Thanks @fleck More theatre today. Excellent dinner. Tired as fuck.
  9.  (10419.120)
    Made tempura last night; shrimp, mushrooms, cauliflower, sweet potato, broccoli, zucchini, and then I grilled a tuna steak.

    My first time cooking all of those, and it turned out pretty awesome. I made maybe 3X too much though.

    About three years ago, all I could make was breakfast, some pasta, and chili mac. I'm feeling pretty bad ass.

    @Flecky
    I know i mentioned i did some time in prison but it's nothing i'm proud about and i just want to say i never did any crimes which involved hurting anyone with violence.I've known some real scum-bags in my time and i hate bullies in any form.Don't we all.

    Hey man, I don't think anyone here would have assumed you were a bad guy, regardless of whether you've done time or not. More than most, I understand that usually it's just one bad decision that separates the average person from ending up in prison. I've met more cops that were bullies than convicts. Maybe it's because I've met and worked with so many cons and ex-cons (while working in the system, and with my jobs not associated with prisons), but unless you're in for stuff involving kids, or the guy I knew who killed his mom, I'm really inclined not to judge. The way it's supposed to work is that once you're out of prison, your "debt to society" is paid, you should be able to start over.

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