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  1.  (10432.1)
    Very well. I have listened and I have heard. You want this to be high-pressure, let's try that out.

    This thread will last 24 hours. You won't get another for a week. Use it wisely. I may be watching, and I reserve the right to be sympathetic or scathing as the mood takes me.

    And so. Here is your judgement-free space to vent, rant, show-off, smug-it-up, scream silently into the face of Internet apathy, and generally trepan your pressurized consciousness after Another Tough Week.

    Instructions: Tell us about the last seven suns. Tell us what you hate, what you love, what's pissing you off. Tell us what's broken about the world, tell us what you want. Tell us how you plan to change everything, tell us what you're building in your basement, or, hell, just dance or play a tune.

    I, we, and all of us are listening. Smash your wordvenom against us.
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012

    So on Sunday I moved into a new place. It is creaky and rickety and greasy as shit. There is much cat hair trapped behind the oven. I have to chase myself out of the house to sit in a cafe for several hours in order not to die of hydrochloric-acid-inhalation. I LOVE CLEANING.

    Unemployed again. Yay! Applying for real jobs, career-style jobs, mostly copyediting or proofreading or other quasi-entry-level-but-still-fulfilling jobs. Yes, editing is a fulfilling job for me. Shut up.

    The more I sit in cafes, the more industrious and accomplished I feel. I'm starting up a music-and-book-criticism thing with a friend, and I've started hunting down interested writers from my old contacts. The feedback so far has been positive. (Anyone interested in writing about books or music, by the way?)
    Also I had a multi-hour internet conversation with a guy who runs a festival I once worked at, and it was actually pretty inspiring (he just ranted about the state of music and scene kids and blah blah, but I heard "Let's predict the future of music reporting and criticism." Much writing has occurred).
    Also ran into an old friend a few weeks ago, and he took me to a house party on Sunday night. Which was weird, because in all our decade of on-and-off friendship, he's never really been that social. Now apparently he's a heavy drug user. Interesting. Also had an evening with ANOTHER old friend (old boss, actually, from my undergrad) and we shot a lot of shit as to my potential career in data visualization and code-monkeying.
    I'm going to see how much more of my past I can resuscitate without feeling like I'm backsliding.

    Through all this I'm supposed to be inputting masters applications and thinking about my Future. It's hard, and I don't like it.
  2.  (10432.3)
    You will take and post a photo of the cat-hair/oven situation, or you will receive no sympathy.
  3.  (10432.4)
    @Allana - I'd love to be good at data visualisation type stuff, but I am no good as a code monkey and my brain just doesn't work in that way - good luck though as I think that's such an interesting area...

    On balance, it hasn't been a terrible week. Spent a good new year with my parents and sister, my partner got through it all OK far better than expected. Today was the first day at work in about eight weeks that hasn't been a dismal pit of non-focus, prevarication and subsequent near panic and self loathing. Which actually felt pretty good.

    Came home and played with my two youngest daughters. We covered the Suspiria 'Witch' tune with me on xylophone, my seven year old on a toy drum and my three year old on a plastic microphone with a reverb in it. They didn't appreciate of course just what made that so amusing to me...

    Today kind of balances out the horror of Tuesday - return to work after new year day, storm blew the apex off my conservatory and it's not fixable by me, as I can't access it without special ladders, so we're going to have to find a maintenance person who has the right gear and won't fleece us... then I came home to have to dispose of three dead mice which had drowned in a bottle of water in the garage, why or how the hell they got there I have no idea, but they were there, suspended, bloated, gurning horribly, with blank mouldy eyes. My partner, in a moment of total fucking brain fade insanity had assumed that they were toys and showed them to my seven year old - 'hey Rosie, look what Daddy's done'... she didn't stop screaming for about two hours. Because, yeah, that's my new best hobby that I forgot to tell you about, stuffing toy mice into bottles of water to make it look like they drowned.

    My father in law survived Christmas, came out of hospital finally. He was being a total dick as usual and refusing to get out of bed or move, saying he was just going to stay there and die. Until they threatened to move him to a geriatric ward and then he got so butthurt that he caused a massive ranty, sweary scene and virtually leapt out of the bed. Which is good.

    And I'm now chilling in my beanbag listening to the Ornette Coleman CD I bought for my dad for Christmas but it turned out he already had. So I kept it. His non gain is my gain. I'll get him something else.

    Stay well Whitechapel.
    • CommentAuthorroadscum
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    At the risk of maggots (are they edible d'you think?) It is Thursday night Young Master, Thursday bloody night! Now i ask you, what kind of a time is that to be venting one's spleen, eh? Surely this should be done on a Saturday for the maximum benefit of those with nowhere fun to go (me) and those who've just been somewhere fun and are now rather unwisely inebriated and in charge of a computer? No? Oh ok, just me then. Are these the kind that pupate or do they spin little cocoons?

    Being as i'm here, i might as well have a go; the weather is crap interspersed with tiny slivers of lovely sunshine which inevitably occur when i'm at work, as soon as the job's over it goes all grey and manky again. The camera on my new HTC Wildfire all singing and dancing, bells and whistles enabled clever phone is crap and nowhere near as good as the one on my old phone - i tried to get a picture of a skip down in the bowels of Westfield for Flecky and it came out all blurred and rubbish - and not the kind of rubbish i intended. Bah! I'm aching like a bastard and feeling like shit and the world is going to hell in a handcart, other than that, everything's fine.

    Oh and now i'm feeling guilty for laughing about John's mice and 'Hey Rosie, look what Daddy's done...'

    Bah! (again)
  4.  (10432.6)
    @Jp - Butthurt is the best medicine. Very pleased there was no festive bereavement.

    @roadscum - Spleen Venting shall occur at certain predestined times, when the stars align and I may best harvest your sweet, sweet psychic torment for my own amusement. By which I mean: it's my wife's fucking birthday this fucking weekend so I'll have to fucking run the fucking thread now instead.

    Also, Urethral Maggots are indeed edible. In the sense that they can be swallowed. But... y'know. I don't advise it.
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    I'm feeling stupid. Painfully stupid; meaning, I am literally in pain from my stupidity.

    I lost my temper and tried to kick something (I'd rather not say what) but kicked a solid wooden wall instead. I was positive that I broke the big toe on my left foot. I iced it, whimpering and cursing my loss of control. I can walk on it so it might not be broken, but that toenail, all purple and painful, isn't gonna stay in place. I'm certain of it.

    The Slow Time at work is over and it's back to frantic functional specifications documentation for some cool software. I'm still in the frame of mind that someone's going to find out I don't know what I'm doing and commence pointing-and-laughing, but I'm making progress so I really need to give myself some credit. It's a cliche, but I'm often my own worst enemy.

    There. Vented. Thanks for listening.
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012 edited
    Hooray! I prefer the one day/week vent thread. It gets me to actually post and read other people's stuff (otherwise I just ignore it going "eh, later"), and also I get to talk about everything, including good stuff and plans and what not, without feeling bad (I feel like it got kind of awkward when it became just the "spleen venting" thread, people were always apologizing about talking about things that weren't as bad as someone else's current crappy situation).

    ANYWAY, I had a bit of a mental fizz today. Not in a horrible way, but it got to me enough that I couldn't even do my workout. So I took a walk instead and went to the hardware store to get a faucet-to-hose adapter for my wort chiller, along with a couple of hose clamps to make sure the chiller didn't leak anywhere. I'd forgotten how much I love working with my hands, doing maintenance type stuff. It completely got my mind off of what was bugging me earlier (which is still too personal to talk about on the webs, soz everyone), and also gave me a sense of satisfaction of having done something, even if it was just testing out the wort chiller and putting on some extra clamps to stop the dripping. I like it enough that I'm seriously considering just taking up maintenance for a job like my dad does for apartment complexes, but I know it can be hard on your knees and back. But it's a thought, could make a good backup plan for a job if I don't land something I like in an ecology related field. In any case, I am excited to have this wort chiller tested out, and now i can brew my second beer! Huzzah.

    As for the last week, kind of bummed because I haven't been working out at all during the holidays x__x Was going to start again today but like I mentioned, my head space took me to a place where I couldn't even do that. BUT, good thing is that I only gained a pound over the holidays (one of my friends gained 5 pounds from American Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff combined, eek!), so I guess that says good things about where I've gotten my body compared to where it used to be. It's definitely a lot more resilient to getting out of shape now that I've been working on strength training and conditioning instead of just doing cardio. So, hoping to be back on a proper workout schedule next week so I can keep getting fitter. I can only do four pushups and would love to be able to do 10, but hey a year ago I couldn't do ANY, so those 4 definitely count.

    My life is relatively stable at the moment and stress-free, so that's good. My personal issue is still in the way of some things but it's one of those situations where I can't really do anything at the moment, so I'm trying not to stress about it and instead set myself to do other things so I can still be productive and improve on myself. Cheers.

    edit: Oh, wanted to add, this last Christmas was the first year I was actually able to buy gifts for people without financial help from my family (mom would help me buy presents for sisters, sisters would help me for parents, it was weird). We're not huge on getting things, my parents would honestly be perfectly happy to just have me for Christmas dinner, and I know that people shouldn't really focus and how much money they can spend buying things for other people, but the fact that I finally had enough of a savings to spend as much as I did for presents for other people was nice. Sure, now I'm on the poor side again and have to spend some time re-padding my savings, but there's an odd sense of security and accomplishment in having actually been able to afford to buy people christmas gifts this year.
  5.  (10432.9)
    Got a letter the other day from the tax department saying that not only are they holding on to my tax return for the next three months, but they're investigating me for some kind of 'anomaly' that their awesome-fantastic software has flagged up. So, not only do I not have an extra couple of thousand dollars I was counting on, apparently I'm some kind of tax criminal.

    On the plus side, at 4:45am tomorrow I fly off for three weeks of wild and sexy adventures exploring Sydney, cruising on the Tasman Sea and figuring out what the hell there is to do in Auckland (assuming Tax officials don't intercept me at the airport). Of course I 'm a massive nerd, so "wild and sexy adventures" pretty much consists of visiting museums and taking photographs of historic buildings, but hey it's my holiday, I'll do what I damn well please.

    The inevitable state of severe anxiety I find myself in any time I undertake a major trip reached its peak yesterday, and I am now basking in the comfortable zen-like zone of "if I've fucked something up, it's too late to fix it, so I'll just roll with it".
  6.  (10432.10)
    This year is not off to the bestest of starts. Had three dreams about the ex over the past four nights, which is highly unusual, and has put me in a bad headspace upon waking up, because all I want to do is go back to sleep so I can see more of her.

    I am really seriously out of shape. I went for a bike ride for the first time in six months on Monday to see how long it takes to ride to the office, and basically fainted about a block away from my end point. Everything was fine until I stopped at the light, and then I immediately got really light headed and had trouble keeping myself upright. I managed to stagger across a parking lot to get to a place to sit down, with my vision cutting in and out the whole time. My own fault for not drinking anything before setting off, but it still freaked me out a bit. I've overexerted myself on the bike in the past, but it's never hit me that hard.

    The Christmas in New York trip has made me hate Phoenix even more than I previously did. I really desperately need to get the fuck out of this town on a permanent basis. I need oceans and trees and green hills and snowy mountains in my life.

    Next trip back to L.A. is February, for the Edwardian Ball.
    • CommentAuthorDC
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012 edited
    The year started with a bad omen. I spent hours updating my cv, answering 2 ridiculously long questionnaires and writing a motivation letter to learn that the international trainee programme I was applying for was cancelled. The first really productive day in several months for nothing. This excess of procrastination is really worrying me, I could have my thesis completed several months ago and I’m not even half way through it. I see my colleagues looking for jobs or already working which could give me a boost to accomplish things but I keep stuck with a half processed mass of information to go through.
    At the same time I’m organizing an event that I can’t talk about. It’s drying my patience. Not the event itself which is great cause I’ll be able to spend time with people I appreciate their work. I blame it on the team I’m with. Things are going relatively well but I can’t work this way. Imagine your boss tells you to do something, you do the way you were told to do because you’re somewhat meticulous in what you do and you don’t get the expected results. If it's your fault he'll bring that up every opportunity he has, always complaining. if it's his fault (normally it is due to his poor instructions and laid back attitude)... he either blames you or the other guy or the planets alignment, never himself.
    That’s me (the 'you',not the boss) almost every day and it drains my patience. I get home completely exhausted from pure frustration trying to be the meticulous guy who's herding cats. Gah, I’ll try to avoid more tasks with this cursed thing to see if I go somewhere with my never ending thesis. I’m thinking the frustration from one thing may be related with my lack of will to tackle the other project. This is already eating away one of the promises I made for this year which is getting way more shit done.

    On a positive note I spent NYE with friends I care the most. I fail at showing people how I care for them and since I don't know how to show it to them I always end up thinking they don't fell the same way as I do which is probably silly since guru invited me for the NYE party and now to a trip to Spain or the UK. Not sure if I should go. On one hand it will probably the last chance I have to travel with them (I'm thinking of going abroad for a couple of years) but on the other hand I Don't want to delay these 2 projects anymore.

    Edited for clarity
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    This week hasn't really felt like getting back to the holidays, since most of the time I've been getting ready for my week-long trip to the states to see 'ol Anchorbeard. But as much as I loved being up at the cottage for the holidays it was fucking great to get back in the city and get some good 'ol pavement back under my feet. Like everyone, I managed to gain a LOT of weight over the holidays (the family and I discovered a new butcher shop that was glorious. We're not made of stone), but I managed to get a good chunk of it out just by walking around.

    So now here I am...waiting for the last pile of laundry to be finished before I can declare myself Officially Packed. I'm sipping a Brooklyn Brewery Monster Ale, a Barley Wine Ale, to relax.

    I'm excited about this. Not to be gushy (I know you guys have had enough of that), but this is the longest journey I've ever gone to see someone who makes me feel all fuzzy inside and he's totally worth it. And he's made a point, several times, of showing me that I'm worth it as well.

    I'm not going to get any sleep tonight, am I? Hahahaha jeez. 22 hours journey. I'm going to be dead on arrival.
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    Got diagnosed with a laryngeal nerve damage on Tuesday morning. In non-nerd speak that's vocal cord paralysis. Basically, the nerves to one of my vocal cords are damaged so it doesn't move well.

    On the one hand, I have an amazing otolaryngologist (guy who looks at voice boxes and happens to have an MD). I'm starting voice therapy on Tuesday. And it turns out my acid reflux is under really great control. Now I can name the beast.

    On the other hand, this is really uncommon and there is no one totally effective treatment. Voice therapy has about a 30%-40% chance of not working, so I may need some surgery later on (though I won't know that until probably 6 months from now). And I used to be a really really good singer. I'm not being vain here, I made district-level and state-level choirs in high school. I thought reflux had destroyed my voice. Now I find out that it's not reflux but something more insidious.

    I'm trying to focus on the positive:
    I have a chance of getting back into singing shape. This is really REALLY important to me. I still regularly start to cry when I think about what I lost when I stopped being able to sing.
    Even though voice therapy is going to be expensive, my mom has agreed to help me pay for it.

    But I keep getting bogged down by the notion that this is another thing that's wrong with me. I know I'm not nearly as badly off as others, but it's not like I'm exactly a picture of health. I have celiac disease, I have asthma, I get anxious and depressed really easily, I have carpal tunnel so my right hand hurts a lot. If the celiac wasn't bad enough, I've been getting accidentally gluten-poisoned pretty routinely. On top of that, my keratosis pilaris is acting way the fuck up, and the only way to calm that down is to buy really expensive lotions and apply them ALL THE TIME and hope they work. My brain isn't letting me enjoy that I'm doing well at my job: all I can think about is how I'm not working hard enough or producing good enough results.

    I know that in the grander scheme of things, I have it pretty good. I have an incredibly loving boyfriend. I can feed and clothe myself. I have some really wonderful friends. But jesus, half the time I just want to curl up into a ball and cry or drink or just watch shitty TV until I can no longer think of how much life tends to overwhelm me.

    Signing off, ladies and gents. Stay well.
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    @dork hang in there. 30-40% is still within the minority and you're one tough freakin' cookie. Sending good thoughts your way regardless though. :)
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    well, fuck. just found out one of my former college roommates, with whom i parted on not-so-good terms (hey we were in out early 20s...) just died within the past few days, in his mid-30s. from the limited info i've been getting, the cops found him dead in his shower. word is swirling around about it being "viral" and/or "pneumonia" plus something similar, the coroner's report is still forthcoming. from what i read on his facebook recently, he'd finally grown up (as had I), but still, unresolved issues that we'll never get to clear out & discuss. i'm still not sure how to process that.

    and no, i'm not crying, this is Whitechapel, there's no fuckin' crying here.

    @oldhat: advice from a serial traveller: sleep through it as much as possible. that's what works for me , although YMMV.
  7.  (10432.16)
    @dorkmuffin -- did you stop singing as a result of the problems? Or do you now find yourself wanting to go back to something that faded-away naturally because you've been told you can't?

    @dispophoto -- Condolences. But yeah: no fucking crying.

    For what it's worth, I'd say most people have "unresolved issues" with most other people, and it's rare someone deliberately sits down with someone else to clear the decks *just in case* they pop their clogs. Even rarer the decks are successfully cleared.

    Also, if your old pal did indeed die of a bug, there are worse places to do it than a nice hot shower. I AM BLACK-HEARTED OPTIMIST, HEAR ME FIND BITTER COMFORT.
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2012
    There's nothing like malfunctioning machinery at work to remind me that I'm not where I want to be in life.
    • CommentAuthorFlabyo
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2012
    After a short visit to the Doctor yesterday I am once again pouring lots of olive oil into my ears to prep them for a good old syringing next week. I really should teach myself how to do it to be honest, I need it done every few years and at the moment the only way is to wait for it to be bad enough for my GP to make me an appointment.

    Downside is that I now can't hear properly in one ear at all as it's full of a mix of ear wax and oil, which expands to block off the ear completely.

    Minor grumble all things considered really. Means I've not been gaming or watching any of my DVD backlog, but I'll just read some of the books I got at Christmas instead.
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2012
    @ Dorkmuffin - I don't suppose my comments can help with your physical ailments, but on the job thing? Who are you comparing yourself to? Are your colleagues actually working so much harder and producing better results than you, or are you piling unneeded pressure on yourself? If you ask around discreetly, you might find that a heap of people you work with think you're working so hard and getting amazing things done and they're the ones slacking off. Anyway. Hope that dude stops yelling in your ear soon. Hugs and a half, duder.
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2012
    @flecky: I do my wife's ears all the time; just get one of those plastic bulbs, drop some peroxide or wax removal drops into each soundtube, let it fizz, and squirt some warm water in there.

    You will be amazed at what comes out.