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  1.  (10462.1)
    I'm in the mood to listen.

    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012 edited
    And this just shows up when I post something on my blog. Well, here's what I wrote.

    So this past week I’ve been feeling pretty rough. A few factors involved, primarily getting back from an extended holiday with The Fella and realizing I won’t see him for another month or two, gaining more weight than I would have liked, and being hit with the realization that I’m going to be stuck for the next year doing some awesome things and getting paid very little. While an upcoming internship is promising for a career and my publicity job is the most liberating, they both make little to no pay. With the internship lasting a year and the publicity job needing me for the next little while, I’m starting to feel pretty hopeless and stuck. These feelings come out ESPECIALLY when I think about how I’m 27, still living with my folks and all my friends are off and more or less doing what they want.

    Clearly some changes need to be made to make me feel happy in areas that I can control to help combat the areas in my life where I’m not. So while on my all-day Disney binge yesterday (hey, we all have our ways of coping and Ratatouille is AMAZING) I came up with some little and big changes I can make that could get me on the way to feeling better about things in general.

    So here’s my “Getting Shit Done” List.

    - Cook more! At least once a week make a damn good meal. This week I’m making Parsnip Soup and later on I’ll be making Ratatouille (both dishes I have wanted to make for ages). I’ll also try to cook more Iron-rich meals to bring those levels up (am slightly anemic).

    - Boxin’! Going to keep that up! At the moment will be focusing more on the cardio aspect than the strength because I have some weight to lose. But Will be trying to go at LEAST two times a week.

    - Find an evening and weekend job! Will suck and ensure that I have absolutely no social life, but it would mean more money and my savings account needs to be filled (plus long-distance relationships are expensive and I want to be able to afford more visits and trips).

    - Cleeeean! My room is now clean and I want to move on to the rest of the house. I have a book that shows me how to make my own cleaning products, so there will be a fun kind of “I made something” aspect to it as well as the feeling of accomplishment in cleaning.

    - Make more things! I kind of know how to use the sewing machine and my mom wants one of my heat packs. Will start looking at tutorials and see if I can make more stuff.

    - Game more! While I think I may be done with D&D for now (finding a group is frustrating and playing for hours and hours in one sitting isn’t so appealing to me right now) weAREgetting a brand newHDTVsoon and I think I want to play vidja games more. When I was at Alan’s I fell in LOVE with LA Noire. I’d like to play that and maybe a good first-person shooter.

    - Cut down on beer! Doesn’t sound good or exciting for those who know me, but I’ve been feeling the need to cut back a bit for health reasons.

    - More photoing! May have a contact with a studio and another that can give me gallery space. Let’s try and get that shit going.

    That’s all I can think of for now. I suppose I’d like to explore more comics and get experimental with clothing again (two years ago I made the CRAZY change from black t-shirts and jeans to coloured t-shirts and jeans), but since those require money, they’ll have to be pencilled in.

    tl;dr I felt really shitty this week but I'll be changing things in my life to make me feel better.
  2.  (10462.3)
    spent three weeks in a depression (after putting down our dog)/laziness/ catching fucking colds/drinking and eating and going to las vegas.

    i feel so fat and gross. gained back nearly all the 20 pounds i lost. ugh. going back to the gym today.
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    If I'm back on here later, expect a long waaaaah from me. Things were going really well and suddenly they aren't and while that's the complete story of every month of my life, in this instance it's making me physically ill and revoking any kind of restful sleep and grinding me down hard.
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012 edited
    I think I unintentionally gave my neighbor's dog a seizure.

    I've been going to a MA class, and we learned a 9+1 word protection and power chant, but I could only remember the first 3+1. Which, had I stopped to think =4, which in japanese equates to death.

    My neighbor and i were hanging out, and they mentioned their dog not doing well lately, so I thought, "I could help with that!" And so, only remembering the 3+1 I did my quiet focus intention thing and said the words, since all of them were positive, I tried to bless the dog, but then not three hours later the poor thing was frozen up, twitching on the driveway.

    Probably just coincidence, the rational part of me says, but now I'm scared to even think the words, which of course means they keep popping into my head.

    It doesn't help that when I talked to a higher ranking teacher, he was upset that someone would "Carelessly put those words out there," and that (paraphrasing now) "A lot of people who try to practice that art end up living with or dying from cancer."

    I think this is how craziness sets in.
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    @joe Did that myself by gaining 10lbs. Blegh. It really sucks, but you can lose it with a little determination!
    @phil I am unfamiliar as to what MA is. What is it?
    Also, I got your card! Thank you so much!
    • CommentAuthorFlabyo
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012 edited
    Had the joys of discovering that a Canadian games website I've occasionally imported videogames from in the past was hacked to buggery and my personal details have been leaked all over the net last week.

    Completely ruined my mental state for the whole week as I tend to have a personality that massively overreacts to things like this (yes, I know it potentially can be pretty bad, but it's not ever going to be as bad as my head was trying to convince me it would be last week).

    Health is poor anyway at the moment, and I'm also really hacked off with work, so it just feels like one thing after another at the moment.

    I'm compensating by killing lots of people online in Assassins Creed and Gears of War.
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    Feeling really guilty about my productivity. Or lack thereof. I'm involved in some interested stuff at work, but I can't get enough purchase to really deliver much at any speed, so I'm just scrambling to get anything by deadlines, which isn't any way to do novel work.

    And at crashspace I'm feeling really unreliable. I have run a lot of events, but I'm increasingly feeling like I start projects and don't finish them. The hallucination goggles I built two weeks ago are the first build I actually finished in a long time. I want to try and knock the rTCMS project out of the park to redeem myself.

    Part of it is finances, I haven't been able to spend money on parts and experiments, but more than that, I just like talking about this stuff more than actually doing it. I need deadlines, and nobody at crashspace is going to hold me to stuff.

    I just wish I was more interested and engaged by what was actually happening in my life, as opposed to what could be happening.
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    @oldhat MA is short for Martial Arts. I practice a japanese one, and it is very knitting-circle-esque, so i try not to name names. >.<
    Cardswise: You're welcome! Enjoy!

    @outlawpoet Have you tried using google calendars to set yourself goal deadlines? I find that the simple act of putting a goal down (Much like Sizer's gigantic calendar of Awesome) anywhere concrete helps motivate me.

    @Joe GYM FOR THE WIN!!! (I need to get back there myself... thank-you for the reminder...!)
  3.  (10462.10)
    i lost it once, i will lose it again! and even though ive gained back weight im still in better actual physical consition/ know what im doing now so i will probably re-lose it much faster. still pissed at myself though
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    Today marks the first full day of my son being home from the hospital. Last week on Thursday he had a 104.6 degree temperature and had to go into Urgent Care, then the ER, then the hospital. He was so dehydrated from his fever that they had trouble finding a vein, which led me to almost punch one of the ER nurses when the jackass stuck my son four times and couldn't find it, and not just stick him, but put the needle in and then saw it back and forth in order to try and find the vein, leading to deep tissue bruises from the cut up insides. And then the jackass suggested putting the IV in one of the veins in his forehead. Thankfully, two pediatric nurses came down and did what he couldn't do in three hours in twenty minutes.
  4.  (10462.12)
    @ren thing - shit, hope he's on the mend - must have been hell to go through

    I'm more or less cheerful, at least, what passes for cheerful with me. Been fighting the depression very hard, and BLOODY FUCKING WELL WINNING. Citalopram and Zen, it's kind of working. Plus lots of walking and trying to get niggling things sorted. Brought a guitar up into the house and set it up in the bedroom, really, really rusty and out of practice, but at least I've got a chance to practice. Gained about 6 pounds between November and now, not proving easy to shift, but we'll get there. Kind of pleased that the damage wasn't much worse, given the heroic doses of stilton and roquefort I administered.

    There's still things bubbling that could blow all that out of the water, but so far, so good.
      CommentAuthorJay Kay
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    Well, with this week I've started full swing back in online college classes after a year of not being able to afford it. Had quite a few stress-related freak-outs trying to get my first assignments done, since one in particular really wasn't described all that well and contacting my teacher didn't quite help. Not to mention that my financial aid's not fully come in yet and I still need my books.

    But what's really tipping things over is the fact that me and my folks are going to start a short sale on the house, and while I know it's stupid it is freaking me out a little bit. I mean, I've lived here for almost 14 years, we built it ourselves, I always thought it would be ours.

    I think if I had to deal with one of the problems and not the other, I'd be fine, but both are making me stressed and crabby. I know it's stupid to, but the lizard part of my brain's freaking out anyway.
  5.  (10462.14)
    More. MMMMMore.

    Also: you're not allowed to read this thread unless you have whisky in your hand. SO MOTE IT BE.
    • CommentAuthorroadscum
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    Monday? Monday night? The New Master works in mysterious ways. I'll just sit here and be confused then, i'm good at that.

    Just in case anyone wishes to join in...

    I have a problem. Yes, i know it has company but this is the daddy, the big, difficult to accommodate problem that puts a right old kink in the quiet enjoyment of life and the fruits of my labours. It is a situation i do not like and have struggled long and with great effort to resolve. Recently the culmination of several years determined work came to nothing and tonight my latest, possibly final hope of salvation has quietly failed. I am now faced with the fact that nothing can be done and i'm just going to have to put up with it. Things could be worse, indeed they have been worse, much worse, which is what makes this so particularly annoying - just when it should be nice and all happy sails off into the sunset kind of thing THIS turns up like a rat turd in the chocolate chip ice cream. Never mind, i'll live, there are worse things in the world, it's just bollocks and i fucking hate it, that's all.

    Be strong Whitechapel, be strong and don't let the bastards grind you down.
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    Sorry, boss, the best I can do is a cream liqueur that is apparently made from Ontario wine. Sigh.

    Coulda used this Saturday night, when I was both miserable and in proximity to a booze cupboard. I was staying at my mother's for the weekend, and couldn't get to sleep for hours. Too itchy. Ended up just being self-pitiful until dawn.
    The visit was otherwise pretty great; got lots of cool stuff (belated Christmas haul: canning pot, jelly strainer, mortar and pestle, mini cleaver!), did some secondhand-store digging, saw some friends, caught up with my mom (she's started dating and is full of amusing insults). She made the gracious offer of driving me back yesterday, saw my new place, bought me Mexican food, and filled my fridge with groceries. Ten points mom.
    Now I'm back, and back to doing what I always do: apply for waitressing jobs off Craigslist, watch Never Mind the Buzzcocks on Youtube, and reno. I'm going to paint the bathroom this week, I decided, then redo the tub caulking. Then I'm not sure what.
    It's currently raining in Toronto, and has been all day. This is the second melt-off of what pathetically few inches of snow have accumulated. I'm pretty pissed about it, all told. Why the hell am I preparing for hibernation if it's gonna be so damn warm out?
  6.  (10462.17)
    "Monday? Monday night? The New Master works in mysterious ways."

    The new master has his own rotten real-life fucktangle ongoing, and has decided to ride it out with whisky, whitechapel and Shared Collective Gloom.

    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    @JP Carpenter

    Yes, thankfully he is on the mend. But there was a period in the car ride to the hospital, the one where I was trying very hard not to just stamp the gas through the floor of the car to make it go faster, when he stopped breathing as loud as he had been. I stopped talking to my wife, reached back to touch him (while still driving) and my wife asked what I was doing.

    "Checking to see if he was still alive," I said. She admitted that thought crossed her mind too.


    May I wait two hours until I'm no longer off work and have access to my 30 year-old scotch? Because I have not yet developed my booze teleportational powers and thus am scotch-less. 8(
  7.  (10462.19)
    It has waited 30 years. Two more hours will be forgiven.

    • CommentAuthorroadscum
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2012
    I have tried Young Master, i have tried, but despite the nostalgic memories of those happy nights when Granddad would come home from the pub with a pint of winkles and i'd sit there for ages, hooking them out with a pin, jellied maggots just aren't the same...

    (Will Tescos value vodka do? The meths is all gone and i'm saving the last of the aftershave for me birthday.)