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  1.  (10561.1)
    The Rules:

    The THREE ACT SPEAKEASY is here for you to vent, to express, and to learn. This is your chance to perform -- but you're also in the audience, guv, and are expected to behave as such. So your skits at the steely Whitechapel microphone will ALL and ALWAYS be divided into three sections:

    1: The Boo. The Get-It-Off-Your-Chest. The "I've-Had-A-Shit-Week-And-I-Need-To-Vent". Your chance to scream silently into the face of Internet apathy, and trepan your pressurized consciousness. Deposit your spleen here.

    2: The Huzzah. Wherein you tell us something which goes just a teensy way to mitigating the effects of the psychic turd you just laid on our heads. Perhaps it's a tiny hint of hope in an otherwise bleak situation. Perhaps it's an unrelated Thing Which Happened which made you smile rather than frown. Shit, maybe it's just a silly joke. Show us you can cope as well as carp.

    3: The Applause. You will choose one of your fellow whitechapellers, from this same thread. Doesn't have to be the person who posted before you - just someone whose story touched you. And you will offer them a word of advice, or comfort, or support, to help them with their own SECTION 1 Whinge. Doesn't have to be much. A sentence, a word, a bloody emoticon - whatever. Just a paltry donation to the art of Thinking Of Others. And try to avoid schmaltz, please, or the Urethral Maggots will feast anew. Circle of life, kids.

    Naturally, the first person to respond here is excused from Stage 3.

  2.  (10561.2)
    Hey look third post here in nearly, what... three years.

    I should not be doing so. First, well I am sure about five people or so here even know who I am anymore. Second there are complex reasons I should not post here that go beyond that. But it's 4:30 AM everyone I know is asleep or not yet awake (or on the other side of the world and hard to contact) and I have just hit the point where denial manages to become depression. And it seems I bare enough affection for this place that in a desperate need to say this somewhere else I decided too do so. I am sure I will regret it in the morning, or possibly be yelled at about it.

    But, I need a forum where I once used to be very honest and open and well....

    See, my mom's funeral was two weeks ago almost exactly now. And sometime today I hit the shift where the idea stopped feeling surreal, which it did the second we left the viewing and has since, and it fell on my like a ton of bricks.

    See, I did not even really like my mom. Loved her sure, but like? Well we had a problematic relationship at best and really the best thing that came out of a period in my life I do my best to forget these days ( and yet here I am posting on WC) was me redefining that relationship in a way that allowed for me to slowly rebuild a workable relationship with my mom to the point we could at least talk occasionally. And we did, maybe once a month or so.

    And during that time, it turns out she was lying to me and my dad - a lot. They are separated and I am a country length away so it was not easy to check up on her and she had self destructed well past anything I could have imagined based on phone conversations. Eventually to lead to untreated pnemonia, body wide sepsis, massive organ failure and on March 2nd her death. I was there we took her off life support, as was her wish. Longest hour of my life really, and my second time back in GA since I left, the first time only a few weeks before right after she was found collapsed.

    During that time I reconnected with my favorite cousin and had two of my best friends on the planet with me most of the time. And managed to connect with some of my familly on my dad's side I never really have before. So it was not an isolated time and since then I have contacted a number of people I have lost touch with. Breaking down barriers I put up a few years ago for various personal reasons. One friend has said she thinks I may have come out of this is a very positive way.

    She may be right. But it's the middle of the night and the entire thing has just landed on me again and well, I just need to say how much this all has sucked...somewhere. Without waking anyone or calling anyone who might be just getting up and readying for work on the east coast.

    So, yeah third post in years. Last one I said I would not make a habit of this, that was about six months ago I think. Still suspect I won't, but I just needed to ramble somewhere that I once upon a time associated with rambling.

    That is about it.
  3.  (10561.3)
    Mate - I'm not even going to play Comedy Dictator and pick you up on the Open Mic Format Violation. That doesn't matter.

    Be aware that we are Reasonably Decent Humans, and you can vent, scream and cackle as much as you need round these parts.

    Feel better, and don't be a stranger.
  4.  (10561.4)
    Thanks for that Si.

    Sorry anyway for being off format there even if, used to the old style threads (I think all my old posts show on this name and not my real one as I posted under at the time, and yes on search they do. Fuck there were a lot of them. I do sometimes miss all that).

    Just needed a place to clear my head really.
    • CommentTimeMar 19th 2012
    Any familial loss is going to be really depressing and heavy and hard. Eventually, fortunately, the weight gets bearable.

    Best of luck to you while you're readjusting.
    • CommentTimeMar 19th 2012
    The Oh Jesus Mary and Good Saint Joseph Terror Shits

    I got my first bad review yesterday. It was a four-star review on Amazon, and the general theme was good, and the points the reviewer made are both valid and helpful, but man it stung. A lot of the points were due to typographical errors, which were on me, and one of my characters. I went in on this project with a buddy, and that shrieking australopithicine self-hating part of my brain is saying that I let him down. My logical mind says that the errors are fixable, and I'm proud of the story the reviewer pointed out, and it's just the beginning for me, but I just can't resist getting inside my own head on it. Time to nut up and leather up the skin. Which brings me to

    The Marvelous Awe-Inducing Joy Pukes

    People bought the book! It's only about 80 people all told, but it is a start, and it is money coming in. Does that make me a professional? Does that mean I can introduce myself to other people that I meet as A Writer? Probably not yet, but it's all a good sign that my feet are pointed in the right direction, and they are indeed moving. That feels wonderful.

    The Applause

    @TechnocratJT: You heal up however you need to. Your job right now is to get to your new normal, and it will come.
    • CommentTimeMar 19th 2012
    @ TechnocratJT - Take care, man. You're remembered very fondly (I may have mentioned you as one of the people who pushed me sign up here in the first place), and it's always good to hear from you even under awful circumstances. And condolences, lots of.

    [shall return on format later tonight]
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeMar 19th 2012

    Work this week is going to be a bit nuts as the rest of my worksite is running around like a mad man with his penis on fire because the government is doing a three-year inspection starting next Monday. All in all the things at my work are very good, I'm proud to be working here and there's nothing shady going on, but, still, it's the government. And when people start getting firey crotch stress, they tend to send that on down the line.

    Other than that the kid is still coughing for what is going on two months straight and I think he's passed it on to me because now I've got a dry cough. I knew that kids get sick fairly frequently due to the immature immune systems but god damn I'm thinking all children should be locked up by the CDC until they're thirteen just to protect the rest of us.


    Other than those two things life is pretty much grand. Wife and I had a conversation about money and plans, two topics that make the old baggage in the emotional closet rattle, but it went well. We're in a decent financial situation and if we can be good about money this year, and she manages to hold on to her job (my wife has been laid off from every job since she's moved up here from San Diego, typically six months to a year into said job) then we can be really good next year. However, that means the rest of 2012 is going to be pretty dull and we had to cancel a trip to see some friends next month.



    Plenty of us early-adopters still around. Someone needs to shout the new kids off the lawn (figuratively speaking of course). My sympathies on the passing of your mother, mate, and just remember to take your time getting over it.
    • CommentAuthorPooka
    • CommentTimeMar 19th 2012
    BOOs and Huzzahs Together!: kind hard to distinguish which go where...
    So...things got...weird for my art and music show. My new dj canceled on me. The morning of my show, my old dj (who I had at least gotten back onto semi-friendly terms with) emailed me with a "well, I guess I won't show up to the show. no offense, but you already replaced me, so there's no reason to be there" kinda emails, so in a flurry throughout the day , via emails, he and I worked a deal out, got the programs he needed onto my laptop and he showed up to do his job...which was very little...but he did what I needed him to do well, and didn't cause a single bit of trouble. In fact, he rescued me...which will come up in a moment.
    So half my artists canceled, like they do...but that was okay because not only was the bar not open when we needed it, but they hadn't cleared out the side room like I had requested, so I only had half the space. So the night went okay to start. I snuck off with some friends back into an alley for a few minutes breathing time, and when I went back I went to the bar to order some food. While i was sitting there I noticed a horrible smell...looked down, and saw a giant great nasty gob of dog poo all over my boot and the bar I went to the bathroom and cleaned up, then realized there was poo on my pants...from the bar stool. So I ran outside and found my husband. "CHRIS. THERE'S POO ON ME! TAKE OVER! I GOTTA RUN HOME!!" we both found my Dj "_____!! TAKE ME HOME! I GOT POO ON ME!!!" so me, him and three of my artists/guests jumped in his car (I don't know why we had an adventuring party) and ran back to my house so I could change. I got back and everything was cool for about an hour. The artists were drawing and people were having a good time. We had some good tunes for the background music and everything was chill,then the lights went down and the UK basketball game came up on the stage screen. we got pissed. I yelled, I bitched, I made them shut that shit off and we put our first band on. God damn they were good. I mean...okay. This kid who sings in Sun Street, I met him when he was about thirteen or fourteen. I was friend's with his older brother, who I had met when I first started college. I heard him sing and play guitar here and there over the years and I knew he was in a few bands here and there over the years, but I didn't realize exactly how good this kid has gotten. the bands name is Sun Street, and I'm going to plug them whenever I get a chance. It's a kind of psychedelic rock band. Really groovy stuff...the boy can wail on a motherfuckin guitar.... yes...Sun Street blew me away. My other two musical performers were also very kick ass at what they do. We had an awesome kid that goes by Solar Bear who does chiptunes with a game boy. Really fun, perky, exciting music that got all the kids jumping heh...then we had these sweet guys that have a crunkcore/hip hop group called Future K!dz. they were all really awesome and everyone enjoyed the hell out of the music. so we didn't make our goal, not remotely, but everyone had a great time, and I was contacted by one of my artists who wanted to collaborate with me on an artistjam kind of event (at one point we had a giant sheet of paper that had dozens of artists contributing to it. My husband did an optimus prime! :) I met the cute artist girl, but I guess that's not going any well...i'm sure she'll still be one of my artists and that's cool. local directors Jerry Williams, Claude D. Miles, and Eric Butts came out to say hello and hang out for a while and I ended up selling one of my art pieces to a unicyclist who had just moved to town. Music was not so great...
    alright, so not a lot of money was made but a lot of fun was had. I also got both my psychological and physical exams done for my disability case...and now all I have to do is prepare for my friend Jerrod's big ass comic and toy convention he's hosting in Lex next weekend...then a month later I have to deal with going to botcon in Dallas texas and I'm kind of pissed off at Hasbro. I know they have the right, but as a transformers fan I'm upset about their decision to completely ban all third party toys and merchandise. Two years ago Hasbro's official stance was " If you (the fans) stop mentioning third party items, we don't have to address them". Apparently the fans wouldn't shut up about them or some things have changed, but they announced that any vendor caught with third party items on the floor will be kicked out. This is upsetting to me. A lot of the cooler items are third party items (because it's of figures Hasbro wouldn't waste their money making). It's also not like Hasbro loses money at botcon either. They don't sell figures, they sell tickets. Individual vendors are the ones concerned with what's selling on the floor. It's their asses on the line. Hasbro made it's money with ticket sales and vendor fees. sigh...anyway...that's my toy collector/vendor rant.
    It makes shopping the floor a hell of a lot duller. It's not like the vendors won't bring the items and just sell them in the lobby or from their hotel rooms...

    I apologize I didn't follow the format exactly. I will give my post in two parts since I am out of time. My applesauce will come later.... *don't flog me*
  5.  (10561.10)
    I think I lost my programming book, leaving it after the last head-frazzling exam. Still waiting to find out about it. Getting used to the brain meds, but the vengeance of the old is still upon me. "Brain Zap's" (feels like random shocks to your headspace), mind-wandering when it shouldn't be, occasional bouts of dizziness and nausea remain... along with the added WTF of cutting my tongue fairly badly (though not quite hospital badly) on a soda straw. Seriously. I got my ass kicked by a fucking soda straw. *Might* try voice chat tomorrow after class, depending on how it feels, and depending on which of you folks is up.

    The Good:
    I did good on that last exam, even if I was frazzled and stupified by new meds. :D
    Made friends in an online depression support group, too. It's easier to talk there about some things; some things only really make sense if you've been there, and it keeps me from ranting here, which I guess is a good thing.
    Also, patched up a afghan of mine; I'm going to felt it a tad, just to make sure it will never get cranky again, in a bit; washing machine is in use.

    Thankyou for not chewing JT out, Si.
    JT- missed you posting here, but understood the break; glad to see you back again.
    Fauxhammer- Typos get EVERYONE. Usually after you've pushed the publish button, realized 3 months down the line, and you can't figure out how the hell you missed it. Don't let it get you down! Just fit the errors, re-upload (there has to be a way to do that), and march on.
  6.  (10561.11)
    The gnarly:
    Work has completely managed to take over my life. I literally don't have the spare time to launch a web browser at the office anymore and I end up with piles of stuff I should be doing when I get home at night. That of course means I've been AWOL here and on the social networks that I once frequented. I miss you glorious bastards!

    Tonight I spent a couple of hours at the pub "writing." While I like having interesting conversations with random people, I only got one panel written in all that time. Not page, panel! That wouldn't be such a big deal, but I don't remember the last time I put in a good several hours of solid word work.

    The <surferDude>gnarly!</surferDude>:
    So much... I got promoted last Monday. It appears the extra effort has been noticed and I'm a manager now. While I haven't seen it yet, that presumably means more money.

    Had I had time, I would have spent the last couple of weeks bitching about my ex-wife getting a pit bull puppy that she was in no way able to train properly enough to have it around my daughter, but she's apparently come to that conclusion and has gotten rid of it.

    I have a first date next weekend with a very promising lady. I don't want to make too much about it, but she seems excited to be dating me and that's always nice.

    @oldhat randomly tweeted me last week because she'd realized I hadn't been around and wanted to check in. That gal's a class act (like I have to tell you that).

    @JT - Condolences. I'm pretty sure no one's taking attendance or keeping score.Welcome back, even if it is just to notice how much shorter the water fountains are than you remember them.
    @Fauxhammer - That's enough sales that you likely sold one to someone who doesn't know you. That's fucking amazing. Can I start collecting toenail clippings for what I assure you is not some jealously fueled voodoo doll scheme?
  7.  (10561.12)
    The Boo: What if I don't have one?

    The YaYs!: My wife, her mom, and I have been looking into the history of our house. We've managed to figure out that my wife and I are the 4th family to live in our 120 year old house. The original owners built it (I kind of thought that but was never sure). The wife outlived the husband, when she passed away they had owned it for 48 years. It looks like it was left empty for a year or so, someone bought it in 42 and started renting it to the family we bought it from in 43. In 46 they bought the house from him, and when they passed away one of their daughters bought it. We bought it from her nephew (she had to go into a home) last year.
    So, by my math, that means my wife and I have to live here for nearly 50 years just so that we're not the people that lived here for the shortest amount of time...

    Fauxhammer -- No matter what there will be people that don't like something you write and they'll tell you. Don't worry about it. Take it as a compliment that they cared enough about it to tell you that they didn't like it. And hey, at least this one was constructive rather than something as pointless as "This book is boring, don't buy it. It sucks." (I've seen reviews like that on Amazon before.)

    PS: I love laying on the floor and staring at my ceiling:

    But I need to fix the paint... The last time (and, by the looks of it, the time before) they didn't use painters tape and weren't overly careful with avoiding the bottom of the trim around the top, the baseboards, door frames, etc. That will be a very long job.
    • CommentAuthorchris g
    • CommentTimeMar 20th 2012
    aw, fuck: Looks like this week I will finally stop working at the building I've been working in for about five years. Been working in the other store closer to home on Sundays. I am already feel like I won't fit in. The area is mainly hispanic and every customer(s) that pops in is pushing a baby stroller or wrangling kids and the men have some macho/complex bullshit chip on their shoulder. Basically you have to like futbol and believe in dios to fit in. It seems like everyone wakes up hating their life and then decide to walk the boulevard all day looking to inflict their negativity on you. And already some shitbag kid in the area was trying to buy beer in the morning at 7Eleven and forgot his i.d. so he asked me to buy it for him. I ignored him and took my coffee. I will never take anyone who calls me "dawg" in human public seriously ever fucking ever. I really hope I don't lose my fucking mind having to work there from now on. But hey there is actually a lot of cute girls out here so that's good I guess. I've been thinking about the eventuality of death lately and how I'm not gonna be able to make my dreams happen and it makes me panic for a minute. I just want to keep my mind sharp and locked on saving up money and concentrating on my art and not getting seriously hurt and just get through this fucking year in one piece.

    yay?: Went to WonderCon last Friday. It felt like a warm up for SDCC except I had no friends to hang with and there was nothing to do outside the convention center. Anyway, it was an honor to give money to Dustin Ngyuen and Mike Mignola in person and show my appreciation. Also; Glen Danzig was there selling his original comic art. I stared at his Jack Kirby art and it was an emotional moment for me. I could feel the power from the pages. Then I shook Danzig's hand and told him it was an honor to meet him and look at his collection and left, everyone else was getting fanboy boners around him and asking for a photo op. I also met Fiona Staples and she was super nice but didn't have anything at her table for me to throw money at. Ted McKeever was cool and nice too. I am not familiar with his work but I saw this big print he was selling and remembered Cameron wanted it so I bought it so I could send it to him. Turned out Ted got them made last minute and I was the first to buy one and got 1 out of 50, woot. Turns out he favors the Pigma Graphic #1 marker pen like me =D Anyway, I tried to get outta there 20 minutes before the end of the show and ended up on the top level of the wrong parking structure! I used my camera to zoom in on another structure and two guys came up behind me yelling "Don't jump! It's not worth it!" I turned around and they were storm troopers lolololol.
    Anyway, I left feeling charged up about COMICS and pretty sure I have KirbyDanzigMignolaNguyenMcKeever powers for a limited time ^___^
    Also my friend I've known online since 9th grade is probably going to be in town maybe Saturday so we're finally going to meet up for a brief while. She is the crazy person who got Space Shark tattooed on her. It should be nice to finally meet now that we're older and kinda wiser about life.

    sauce: TechnocratJT - Good to know you're staying strong! Your name's always sounded familiar but I didn't know it's been so long since you posted. Don't be a stranger!
    Fauxhammer - Awesome news! F that one reviewer (but also learn from it?), people are buying a thing you made!!
    Si - Good job on making me not look at a dolphin the same way ever again.
  8.  (10561.14)

    Work is insane, 12 hour days and weekend work. The (brilliant) graduate trainee who has been helping me has moved to her next placement, right at the moment where my magazine goes to press, so there's been a horrible continuity breach, and I've had to put it to bed without knowledge of all of the conversations that have been had about things, and that hasn't been pretty. Also financial year end, and the inevitable and humiliating exposure of my inability to run a multimillion pound budget is nigh... ('can you just not look at the report that says we're overspent - look at the one that says we're underspent instead').

    Home life has been hugely stressful over the last two weeks. Partner is, I think, pregnant. But after the loss she suffered last year, and subsequent medical consultations, she doesn't believe it's viable, or that she won't lose it again at any minute. This isn't easy to deal with at all - she's terrified, I'm terrified - especially of the pain it will cause if it fails again and we're back to square one. I don't know what the truth is - she's going for a scan this week (so may know a bit more), but a combination of work stress and the worry over that sent me into a total emotional meltdown last Friday - I feel very vulnerable right now and am going to have to work hard to prevent another depression, having only just climbed out of one. A close relative may have MS too, which I'm devastated about. One Damn Thing After Another.


    I'm off next week. I might just get the chance to recover a bit. And garden. And play guitars and take pictures Also, although the older girls are at school, there'll be a day when my littlest isn't at pre-school and I can take her out and have her all to myself for the day. She says she wants to go on a boat trip again, so that might be cool. My middle daughter is really responding to her extra reading lessons, and I'm really pleased with how she's doing.


    JT - sorry about your mother.
    @RenThing - thanks for recommending 'Nurtureshock' - have started reading, very interesting and some good insight there - particularly around praise, which I can see having a real impact. Cheers.
    @Roo - brainzaps aren't fun, no. Really really no. They don't last though, keep remembering they don't last.
    @Pooka - I have a phobia of dogshit like nothing else. That would have had me in therapy for PTSD.
    @Warped Savant - If I had that ceiling, I'd lie on the floor and stare at it too.
    • CommentAuthoricelandbob
    • CommentTimeMar 20th 2012 edited
    Hi everyone....

    Sorry for not being around so much, things have been busy over here. I need a place to get it out. WC has always been a better place than any.


    Today Sigga miscarried and we lost our child to be. It's was a devasting thing to happen really as those who know will remember we've been trying for a kid for a long while now. Sigga had rung me up earlier today saying that she was bleeding a bit and getting cramps. The doctor told her to go home and get rest, and if it got worse to call them and come into the hospital. Then halfway through my shift (about 5,30pm) she rang in tears. the cramps and the bleeding had quickly gotten worse and she wanted me there. I rushed home to find her curled in the bathroom sweating and shivering. She had just miscarried the foetus and there was blood everywhere. I called her sister and took her to the hospital. After an hour or so, They gave her the once over and said that there was a mild infection, but despite everything that had happened there was nothing worse going on. Antibiotics, pain meds and a ride home.

    She is now in bed trying to sleep. She's had a few cries tonight (i may have shed a tear in the bathroom). When i cleaned up the bathroom, i actually saw our child in the toilet after she passed it through. I wish i could say i saw something, but all it looked like was a red stringy turd. I flushed it down the toilet.


    Right now, how do i feel? Numb. Numb punctuated by sparks of really hard anger at everything i can get my hands on. i'm keeping it in check, but i'm feeling this overwhelming urge to destroy something beautiful in life. This is not a ghood time.

    The Hurrahs

    Not really feeling much of that right now. Once we get past this, i can fill people in on some things...

    @TechnocratJT - Hey man, hang in there. I get what you're going through, I really am. when our mum died over the new year, my brother and I found out that she pretty much had a weird second life (before she met our dad), that both of us never knew about, as well as some pretty sordid things that we really shouldn't have been told about as well. As people here have already said, don't be a stranger. Si has pissed us all off yet!

    And everyone else - just be too evil to die and things will be fine, OK?
    • CommentTimeMar 20th 2012
    Bob, I am so sorry to hear that. You two will be in my prayers.
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeMar 20th 2012
    JT, Bob... guys, that is awful.

    That's all there really is to say about it.
    • CommentTimeMar 20th 2012
    Oh jeez, Bob...I'm so sorry for the two of you.

    If there's anything I can do, give me a shout, yeah?
  9.  (10561.19)
    Oh, Bob, I'm so sorry for you and Sigga. That's a horrible thing to have happen. I can't possibly imagine.
      CommentAuthorPaul Sizer
    • CommentTimeMar 20th 2012
    Bob, please give both yourself and Sigga a long, warm hug from me. Transcontinental, electronic long hug; it's the best I can do, and I hope it helps a bit.