Whitechapel - Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-01T14:59:43-07:00

Me! I'm the one with good things! Wow! Amazing!

So, I'd spent yesterday in all sorts of a snit because I realized that when I let my rachaelnoelfox domain expire, someone snatched it and wanted nearly $300 for it.

At around 7 this morning, a friend of mine bought it and transferred it to me! Woot!

Also, last night I finally willed myself past the psychological weirdnesses and finished the much needed paperwork I have to submit so I can go to the fancy brain doctors. They messaged me back this morning, saying all they need from me is my MRI's to go over, and they'll be able to set up an appointment.

Also, fun flirty online conversations with a cute girl I think is awesome and wants to hang out with me!

Hooray!!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T02:04:25-07:00

Friends are just awesome.

On Saturday my phone completely fell apart. The model is 8ish years old; I've had this one since 05 or 06. In cell phone years, that's ancient. So I cried whoa is me to the world, and to my theatre peeps because stage managing without a cell phone is nearly impossible in this day and age. One of the actors in my play quickly turned around and offered an old Razr his kid has no use for. Sprint ported over the info and, Bob's your uncle, all was taken care of. Of course, now I have to learn how to use the Razr but... heh it's kinda fitting. No, I didn't name myself after my phone. But life is funny. It's also one of those that came from the Red campaign a few years back (actor friend's daughter last used it in 08, so it's not particularly new either) and so the case is a lovely shiny acrylic red.

In the midst of the woe-is-me another friend just up and offered to pass me a little bit of cash via paypal. It's enough to fill up the gas tank on my truck once. Handy in a pinch, but not amazing. But getting out of a pinch isn't something I like to ask others to do for me. So it was really stunning and kind of him.

And that's how it's been going. My baby brother let me drive his Prius the last two days of the month since I had zero monies to buy cash and I needed to drive to LA repeatedly for rehearsal.

Only bummer is I seem to have totally missed Oldhat's trip to LA (and she's kept silent about it so no way to even catch up on what I missed). }:/ oh well.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T03:49:16-07:00

My homemade time machine is almost complete: all I need is fuel.

I'm coming for you, baby, I'm coming!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T06:11:24-07:00

It's been a while since I posted on Whitechapel as I've taken to lurking instead. Hello everyone, I hope you're all doing well.

I managed to land a job at long last. It's temporary and not in newspapers/magazines, but I'll be remunerated far more handsomely than print ever offered. Going back into print would be the worst idea anyway, so the plan is to perhaps morph my career into something more lucrative and rewarding. We'll see how that goes. Everything else is good and I'm just glad I have such a great partner and family.

I've almost completed Mass Effect 3 though, so I'm expecting my mood to be utterly ruined once I see the ending.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T06:28:15-07:00

@flecky Your time machine is fuelled by babies?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T07:04:15-07:00

@flecky Can I hitch a ride back to 1989 please?

I got some amazing news yesterday. I can't go into all the details because it's super-super-top-secret, but as a result of what's happened, an extract from the novel I'm writing will be sent to agents and publishers with a big fat sticker on saying 'READ ME.' As anyone who has spent time trying to break into writing fiction professionally will know, it's really bloody difficult to leap over the slush pile for literary agents and publishers, so this is a huge opportunity for me, one I hope I can live up to. I really don't consider my own fiction to be all that brilliant, and I quite frequently struggle with huge self-doubt, so to have even just a little bit of independent validation on its quality feels good. Feels really good! So good I'm going to have a beer this afternoon instead of working.... oops that's probably the worng attitude to adopt!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T07:23:40-07:00

@texture good luck fella. Enjoy your well earned beer.

Positive spin time.

I'm really glad that my boiler went in the last week, that my bathroom ceiling started leaking reddy brown water down the light switch, then making the light glow while switched off (Very Ammityville). I'm genuinely happy that I have to now replace the bathroom's flat roof now and boiler, because I'm going to have a new baby son or daughter in August and I would rather have the disruption now.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T09:06:13-07:00

@Steve Toase

Congrats!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T09:23:16-07:00

@RenThing thanks. Swinging between joy and panic, but mainly joy.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T10:20:31-07:00

So that was fun.

Some inmate put some jalepeno peppers in the microwave for too long, and burned peppers, sending hot pepper smoke into the air. We have almost no air flow in here.

So the rest of us didn't know why, but all of a sudden the whole unit is coughing and gagging like we just got hit with pepper spray; me & the inmates included. So much fun.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T12:54:30-07:00

Got a random message on Facebook from a friend who just started at one of our two local comic shops. He had no idea of my interest in the pulps and we've never really talked about it, but if I was interested, they had just bought a huge box of the Doc Savage reprint paperbacks. Was I the kind of guy who was into that?

Was I?? I hadn't even read through half of what I own, plus my commission and original art collection revolves around Doc Savage and The Shadow!!

I asked him for more details while I updated my need list. When he got back to me, I need not have bothered with the list. They wanted $50 for 135 paperbacks, which included almost all the doubles and omnibuses (multiple stories in one binding to get through the whole run). Two of the omnibuses would've been fifty bucks for their rarity alone. I said hell yes.

And spent all of that night knee deep in what I had plus my new acquisitions and seeing what was missing, weeding out duplicates for resale, and upgrading my own battered or stripped copies. Now done, I only lack five or six books to have a complete run or the 181 stories.

Never thought I'd have a complete set in my lifetime. I can't believe it.

Now I have to read the damn things.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T13:07:32-07:00

Time machines are all well and good but i have actually managed to have quite a damn fine few days in the here and now. Which is nice.

First off a quite wonderful stroll round Bluebell Hill on the only sunny day of the month, expecting to find the last straggly dregs of this year's bluebells and instead being greeted by a fragrant carpet of blue magic. Yes, this is why i bother to keep breathing!

Next a reunion with a sweet friend from the distant past, ten years or so worth of gossip caught up on and a chance to meet some new faces.

Finally dawn on May day in a rain sodden car park, halfway up a hill in the wilds of Kent, watching a group of men, black faced and dressed in rags, serenading a large bush. When the song was over they got up and danced and the bush joined in.

Yes, it's been a good few days!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T13:29:12-07:00

I got called back to do an interview for a job in an art museum tomorrow. I'm really really hoping it works out. Send good thoughts, if you will.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T13:45:28-07:00

@texture: Hell yes.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T14:17:43-07:00

I entered a raffle at Stumptown Comics Fest last Saturday. Today I learned that I won a $100 comic book store gift certificate and a big Hellboy hardcover!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T19:06:54-07:00

@texture Congratulations, mate. Think you deserved that beer. @Fishelle Good luck with your interview!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-02T20:04:42-07:00

The graphics tablet I ordered on Monday night arrived this morning, so now I can try and do arty things! At the very least, painting textures for 3D models will be much easier.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-03T02:55:00-07:00

Thanks for the congrats folks :)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-03T03:14:17-07:00

Yay texture!

Yay me! I survived today without killing anyone!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-03T04:05:39-07:00

@texture: No problemo, my baby-fueled time machine's co-ordinates are locked for 1989...your pod awaits you, sir.

Meanwhile, in reality: I've been getting the NA meetings in, and sharing like a (fairly) sane trooper. It took me ages to dispose of the litres of methadone I'd been hoarding like a devious git in my kitchen last year, and now I've got to do the same with the subutex; I've asked people for help, and this is good. I've got my last session with my shrink today, and she's been great.

Fuck, I'm battered and bruised, but in the grand scheme of things, this means nothing. I hope this doesn't mean I'm turning into a spiritualist, space-cadet. If it does, though, I can live with that.

I know you lot don't need to hear this stuff, but it really does help me stay on the straight and narrow.

Take care :)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-03T04:23:25-07:00

Good luck with it all flecky, you're doing fucking brilliantly by the sounds of it, keep going.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-03T05:17:58-07:00

@Flecky

Your posts help me, brother. You've got more strength than you know.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-03T06:14:56-07:00

@flecky Keep on keepin' on, brother.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-03T08:22:42-07:00

@ Flecky - Take me with you!

EDITED: because I shouldn't rant so.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-03T19:21:58-07:00

Just watched a pivotal episode of Six Feet Under. Fittingly, I cried 6 different times during the episode. It was SO GOOD though.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-03T21:55:42-07:00

woo! We got our engagement photos today, and they are amazing! Will post some shots later when i can decide which ones to post :)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T01:56:23-07:00

Thanks for the support, troops.

@Rachael: Mate, I was thinking about your post as I came home last night. I was once in hospital (I nearly died), and I had to recover in a shit hotel, as I was homeless, so I can relate. I got through it, though. Anyway, sending you positive thoughts.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T03:00:10-07:00

@dorkmuffin

My fiancé had convinced me to watch Six Feet Under and now I've just finished season 4. I asked her if she wants to have a memorial service when we finish the whole series. I'm actually going to miss the Fishers & everyone else when it's done.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T03:30:32-07:00

Just had our bid on a new house accepted, subject to contract and all that gubbins. In theory, this means we exchange contracts on selling our place & buying the new house in 4 weeks, move in 10. It's a pretty nice place.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T11:05:44-07:00

Won an auction today at work, I'm getting an avacado tree & a pineapple plant!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T11:59:10-07:00

Back from LA and kind of jumping in to things. TCAF is here, so boozing needs to happen with some comic friends and then on Monday I head off to talk about beer on that teevee. Am doing a bit of a scramble collecting local beers and sample glasses (which will continue to through the weekend) and I also have to write my AGENDA for the eight minutes I'll be on the air. Basically I'm thinking of starting off light with the question "people put so much effort in selecting amazing wines, spirits and whiskey but a lot of them don't bother with beer and spring for the @$ of Bud. I'm going to present an argument that Beer is right there on par with wine and whiskey and come up with three local beers and one international to talk about it. Sophisticaton in beer: it exists.

But LA was wonderful. I'll write more when I'm less damned exhausted, but I had an amazing time and being shown around by Oddbill was a treat that I hope to repeat whenever I'm there again (only next time maybe include a field trip to Argos' neck of the woods).

Oh. Also I'm now a Whitechapel mod. That's pretty awesome.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T12:00:51-07:00

@Oldhat: Congratulations!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T12:03:21-07:00

So oldhat, San Diego is next, right? Right?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T12:10:20-07:00

Argos, Bill and I were saying, that if I had a full day to spare on that trip, we would have headed down to see you. Next time. :)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T12:15:40-07:00

Heh, yeah I considered suggesting it but I think I was busy. And if I had a car I'd have totally driven up to see you guys!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T12:20:47-07:00

Yeah, Bill's original plan included his car as well.

That just didn't happen with me as company. :P

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T13:07:55-07:00

Sad I missed you, Robin.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T13:10:49-07:00

Sad I missed you, too! What happened?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T14:11:56-07:00

Don't know if you ever called/texted me. My phone was dead Saturday-Monday. Was back on by Mon, but didn't hear from you again. Guess you were offline, I tried reaching you over Twitter repeatedly.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T14:15:14-07:00

Oh JEEZ. No, I texted you several times when I arrived on Saturday! And no, internet was INCREDIBLY minimal. Only could check one e-mail account a day before it cacked out.

Aw crap, I'm SO sorry we didn't get to meet up! Even more because the only night I kind of had off was Monday. But for what it's worth, I WILL be coming by again and maybe even soon.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T14:33:28-07:00

Hah. Well. Saturday was really the best night for me, the rest were in rehearsal. I had the days but expect your conference had you busy. Man I hope we do get to meet next time. All that buildup and then stupid tech fucked everything up...gah.

Glad you had a good time though. Was that a pic at Worst Koochie that Bill posted?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-04T16:16:13-07:00

It was! Hilarious that you can tell from the few slats of bench and the wall!

I did intend to drive Robin around a bit, but we drank too much for that, so instead I took her on an Old Arts District/Little Tokyo crawl that included Wurstkuche, Xlixe and Far Bar.

Brought her down from Hollywood on the Red Line and sent her back in a cab, so I was very un-LA in that respect.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-05T03:14:07-07:00

I meant to mention that Yskaya seems to be creating something of me, which is super amazingly exciting!

Also, it seems that with the dramatic thunder breaking, so did my headache, and I've been wonderfully productive since, making the most of my not feeling like shit. Hooray! I've made copies of my last three sets of MRIs and have it all wrapped to together to send away to the fancy doctors. I'm... so close. :D

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-05T03:58:22-07:00

@Rachael: Glad you sound better :) When I last relapsed (Xmas), and came clean here, you told me to say, "Fuck that whore!"

This kid came up to me in the street, and started going on about the quality of the gear available in the council estate from Hell where I live. I promptly told the douche-bag to, ahem, "Fuck that Whore!"...

I think he got the message!

I've got flu, or something, which is a bitch. Still, it did give me the most amazing dream last night. It involved Warren doing talks at strange, literary events that spilt-out onto the streets, evolving into a massive, anarchy-fuelled takeover of some city. Sometimes, I love my distorted subconscious.

Edit to add: Congrats, oldhat, on becoming a W/C mod.

Eh, I was just wondering if our comicbookbunny is OK, as when she was last here she was going through some big stuff.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-05T08:39:45-07:00

Hey, everyone. I love you.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T00:21:59-07:00

Wish - desperately wish - there was an Open Mic tonight. There has been hard work today. There has been creativity. There has been bitching. There has been laughing. There has been magic and communion and high art. And there has been death.

I can almost cry. But it's also far away. If I force it, it won't come. food tastes like ashes. I want to see John again. God, just one more time. Oh God.

why~

Oh there it is, crying so I can't breathe

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T00:57:43-07:00

@razrangel I'm pretty sure we can make an open mic exception in here. Whatever is needed. I don't know what's going on, but it sounds bad, and my heart goes out to you.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T01:20:04-07:00

What I am about to relate does not amount to much in the scheme of problems or victories among us, but it was important to me today.

The past week the hard drive on my machine has been acting up. Booting up was a problem, and once booted I'd have some crashes. I thought it was overheating, and I'd need to look at at, and I probably should back up the past 2 years of photos and art just in case, but I don't have time just now maybe tomorrow then tomorrow again and again...

You have by now deduced where this is going.

This morning it went down and did not come back up. Instead of the mind expanding Spice Melange that normally flows into my eyes when I push that power button, I got:

Operating System Not Found

What followed was not panic, for I am too jaded and fatalistic for that. I deal with is bullshit every day at work in one way or another. My first thought was "well, I may not ever need to make time for that backup now."

So began a day of hardware troubleshooting. All signs pointed to hard drive failure. However, listening to the drives during failed boot ups, I couldn't hear anything out of the ordinary. If it were a mechanical failure, there would probably be a sound, clicking or grinding. It sounded like the disks were spinning smoothly.

Ok, so someing on the drives must have been corrupted. I boot from a repair disc and attempt to repair the boot sector.

Well look at that. The repair utility can't see the drives. It's as though they aren't there.

I try installing the RAID controller drivers again, thinking maybe it can't see the RAID array to boot from (remember this, it is A CLUE), but the drivers won't install because there seems to be no drive to install them to.

Here's where I start to worry. You'll notice I keep saying "drives" plural. I'm running a Raid 0 pair of drives. That means, unlike a regular hard drive, the data on mine is striped, meaning pieces of it are on drive 1 and pieces of it are on drive 2, both drives appearing to the machine to be one big single drive. So, if one of those drives really has failed this badly, there is little chance of regaining any of the data as none of the data exists wholly on a single drive, and both drives need to be functional in order to match up all the data and extract files. If something on one of the drives really is badly corrupted, no one may ever be able to connect all the pieces together again.

So I'm wondering, why can't the restore utiliy see the drives? I reboot and go into the BIOS configuration. I look at the hardware. There are the drives. Both drives are correctly identified, so BIOS can actually read at least some data off of them. So they aren't totally dead. Why can't the OS be found during the boot.

So I check the SATA configuration in BIOS. I stare at it for a long time. Then, well, there we go. Somehow, God knows why this is, but the SATA mode is set to ACHI instead of RAID. This means BIOS is trying to boot from justone of my hard drives, and not from an array that is striped across both. I toggle the setting. Reboot.

The Spice Flows!

This took me 16 hours to figure out. If had took the clues earlier, I could have had it back up running in under 1.

I still don't know why it failed earlier, or how on earth the BIOS configuration got changed. It seems to be doing much better now though. Booted right up, not crashing.

So I'm backing up my many stuffs right now, and will hie me to Fry's to obtain a second external hard drive tomorrow to make a second copy of the stuffs onto.

I am pleased. It is disturbing how much of a physical pleasure getting that machine functional again was. It was like a dark, slithery pleasure inside my veins.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T01:42:25-07:00

Right on, @oddbill. The play I saw tonight, ETERNAL THOU, was a high concept piece about the Internet (and by extension modern tech) and how heavily dependent we are on it, and it on us. My friend Matt, who wrote and directed it (and has gotten high praise in pretty much every local critic's page), talked a little bit about the singularity, and I posit, verged on saying it's pretty much begun.

@Morac My friend John died yesterday in a bike crash. I just found out about it tonight. He was a totally quiet, kind man. And my god...beautiful. Like seriously, beautiful. Amazing eyes. One of the best smiles. Lovely... everything. He caught me staring more than once. He was quiet...but not shy. He parachuted (mostly, obviously) naked into Burning Man more than once.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T01:55:15-07:00

@razrangel I am incredibly sorry to hear that. I feel like I should have some insightful words right now, but there's really nothing I can say that will make this suck any less.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T03:22:47-07:00

Pretty sure there is nothing to say. The shock is still pretty sharp. Crying some let me feel tired. finally.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T03:52:59-07:00

Fuck yeah, Flecky! Booyah! I'm proud of you, man! (cuz she might be a whore, but I know she's a goddamn sexy whore)

Y'know, I feel like I might spend a weird amount of time worrying about you internet people. Even the ones I hardly interact with. Certain things just stick with you, certain threads of someone's life unfolding strikes a chord, and... well, I think about a number of you in odd ways hoping that you are doing ok. (I hope you'll be ok, Raz.)

This last bout of feeling really utterly terrible was sort of a good kick in the ass, so since I've not felt gawd-awful (yay!), I've spent my past two days going though all the stuff I'd not addressed since I stashed it away during the bedbug crisis a few months ago and then moved. I've been istening to the BBC News / WFMU / Doctor Who audioplays while chugging tea, smoking my vaporizer, and rearranging/reorganizing everything in my bedroom. This is what I am best at; employing TARDIS technology while becoming a bower bird Tetris master in any given space. Yes.

(OCD powers, ACTIVATE!)

This is, in many ways, my idea of a perfect evening.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T05:11:08-07:00

@Raz - so sorry.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T05:18:52-07:00

@razrangel: Condolences, matey.

Damnation, I could do with a Open Mic. Operation Purge Me Gaff of temptation is now in full, and total, effect...

The Spice MUST Flow!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T10:00:52-07:00

Please be well everyone, esp. razr and flecky.

Since this is the Good Things thread, I'm not gonna dwell on the fact that I'm stagnating, but on the fact that I actually willed myself into taking care of myself this morning, doing stuff that I should be doing EVERY morning. I took a good long shower. I'm terrible about brushing my teeth in the morning, but I did it today. I was given exercises to do by my doctor to try and get my lower back and hips to stop hurting to the point I can't get out of bed at night w/out crying.... but I never do them. I did them today. And I'm gonna do this every day now. I am.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T11:29:29-07:00

it looks like we're getting a PUPPY!!!! well... a puppy for a bit but it will then evolve ala pokemon into DOG! thats how these things work right?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T11:44:05-07:00

In about half an hour, I'll be picking up the final beer to use for my guest spot on the teevee as The Thirsty Wench. I'll be essentially arguing that beer matches the sophistication of wine and spirits (actually exceeds it) and am producing four beers to prove my point. The beers are:

Augusta Ale (Toronto. Pale Ale. A step or two above the regular stuff people drink)
Muskoka Spring Oddity (Ontario, Belgian ale. Contains juniper berries, heather tips, sweet orange peel and Belgian Candi sugar. GORGEOUS spring beer)
Panil (Italy, Sour Ale, very sophisticated and tart. Delicious)

And the forth beer will most likely be a Weissbier.

Fuck fuck fuck this is tomorrow! Tonight I'm allowing myself to wig out and figure out what to wear.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T13:41:06-07:00

@Alastair: That only happens if you pit it in fights against other small animals.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T16:41:02-07:00

Got home a couple hours ago from a brief weekend cabin trip :D Some friends and Edgar and I spent last night at a cabin just outside of a nearby town called Julian, which is in the mountains near SD. It's very small and quaint, and every shop is a small business, many of them being mom & pop type shops. They also have the best apple pie you can get in San Diego. It was very nice to get out of the city for a weekend, and we had an amazing view of the "super moon" full moon, which was brilliant out there and almost blinding to look at. I came home with a couple of older Shadowrun fiction books from the local used book store, a lacy handkerchief from the tea shop, and pumpkin butter. Edgar bought a jar of delicious apple sauce (the kind that is actually brown in the jar because it has no preservatives). While we were in the town we had a very tasty boysenberry apple crumb pie, and some soda from an old fashioned soda fountain. It was a really awesome weekend spent with some really good friends. ^____^

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T19:54:44-07:00

three days off, twenty needles in my chest, a dirty mojito in my hand, Bell Book And Candle on the teevee.

Robin, how can i tune in to your show?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T20:05:07-07:00

If you get Rogers TV somewhere, I should be on there at around 10:30am. It'll also be replayed a few times. If they have a clip of it online I'll be linking it. :)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T22:42:25-07:00

Ok, this isn't GOOD exactly, but it's funny. I spent much of my afternoon in tears, trying to find answers. It's really frustrating that most of the social programs have been eviscerated, and the actual gov sites send you to religious charity organizations for things like affordable housing for people on disability. But anyway, as I was searching, using keywords with regards to health care, disability, and housing...

...the sixth item Google came up with is the wikipedia page for "marginalization".

BAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-06T22:59:21-07:00

this was a few weeks ago but I was shooting the shit at work and this little girl (special ed) must've locked in on me so she ran through the door and hugged me and asked for a kiss on the cheek but then her mom pulled her back out. maybe that was a sign for me to not be so dead inside lololol. Nice try, universe!

I'm a heart throb btw

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T00:50:54-07:00

Thanks for the virtual hugs. They went a long way today.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T03:30:51-07:00

@brittanica: Thank you. Keep taking care of yourself, too.

Well, I managed to do something I've NEVER done in my whole freakin' life; I threw away a massive bag full of prescribed opioid crap. My inner demons were wailing in dismay, giving it, "Your gonna regret that, you stupid wanker!"

I've left a few of the weaker tablets for endgame, and a good woman friend from NA (she's five-years-clean), has agreed to help me with them. I'm down to 0.6mg, that's the smallest amount since 1989, when I got clean for a few months. The treatment centre will probably have a moan at me tomorrow, but it's their job to deal with it. There are some good staff there, but some of 'em are more fucked-up in the head than me :)

So, I got flu, I'm going through minor withdrawals (I'm bloody freezing, and keep sneezing), it's a holiday, and one of my favourite meetings isn't on...

Paradoxically, all this crap is good.

This is flecky, last survivor of the commercial-towing-ship Weirdomo, signing off.

FIN

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T03:55:00-07:00

First, the not such a good thing.

There's disgustingly corny symbolism in the fact that an engagement ring you've worn for eight years (of the 14 you were together) leaves quite a groove when it's taken off for good, and I suspect that groove will take quite some time to vanish.

The better things:

1) Yesterday I held in my hands our Iron Sky book, a hard-cover textbook of collaborative film making written by the Iron Sky core team. Right now it's available only in Finnish, but the English translation is coming soon.

2) I finally reached the second big milestone in my life. I've had a mental arse itch throughout my whole conscious life about writing a novel and coding games. They've been ideas and dreams that have been postponed and kicked around by life, always something for tomorrow, but not anymore. A year ago I finished the first draft of my first novel, and it did pretty nicely in a local competition. This spring I finally finished my first interactive fiction game project after years and years of dabbling, died-on-the-table projects and mounting stage fright. I had only a month to do it, half the time I needed, before I submitted it to one of the two yearly competitions for IF games. And look at that, picked up the first place, and a nice sum of money right when I'm totally broke and in need of both filthy lucre and something to pick up my mind:

http://www.springthing.net/2012/

Going to publish an extended, debugged version of the game later today.

EDIT: ...and here it is:

http://blog.vornaskotti.com/my-games/the-rocket-man-from-the-sea/
http://ifdb.tads.org/viewgame?id=6lkbwncfsvp77c8y

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T12:33:19-07:00

@Vorn - Rock on mate!

@Flecky - Get those demon pills out. Little sirens calling out from the rocks can all rot in hell.

@Raz - Add my condolences to the list.

@Chris g - that little girl was me. And yep... total heart throb.

I buddy of mine who I haven't seen in over a year was in town this weekend. We had many drinks. This was the evening of free comic day (I took my daughter), so I ended up buying a bunch of trades to justify my going to stores and swiping piles of filthy lucre. Also met another friend's fiance for the first time (during the many drinks) and saw the Avengers. Saturday didn't end until 3am Sunday. I don't do that enough. Then I spent Sunday afternoon cleaning my car with a vacuum and soapy water and shit. Now it only looks like ought to be cleaned on the inside and not like you should expect living things to scurry about your feet.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T12:43:42-07:00

Well, I finished up my final class for this semester today, so that's a good thing. But, since I'm down with a real bad cold/flu, I wouldn't recommend any vile hugging.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T14:09:32-07:00

Well, uh...

So that happened. They want me back again, too.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T14:22:57-07:00

Robin LeBlanc: Beer Expert! :D

My family and friends have come out in force to support the next film I'm in through its Indiegogo page in the run-up to the time limit. I'm incredibly touched and a bit freaked out. I now need to prove that their trust in me and the crew is not misplaced. This is my defining moment.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T14:26:16-07:00

@Raz: Condolences from me too, bikes are a far too popular means of leaving this world.

@Flecky: Yes! Yes! You go beat those little fuckers!

@Rachael and Brittanica: Were i to hug you it would add a whole new dimension to vile, so i shall make do with offering up my best wishes and hoping good things happen to the pair of you, and anyone else that needs some.

I've just had a most excellent weekend of beer and morris dancing and now i've gone and put my back out, which is painful and debilitating and really quite a good thing insofar as it means i get a week or two off work to have whatever fun i can that doesn't involve much in the way of lower body movement. I can handle that quite nicely.

@Oldhat: Hurrah! Did you get that link for the food programme i sent the other day? Check yer spam! (I type slowly)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T19:44:39-07:00

@razrangel: Awwww hugs.

@Flecky: Keep on kicking those opiate butts.

@Rachael: Kudos for being able to do what you do. It's fucking amazing, is what. I'm hoping things keeping going in the good direction.

@Brittanica: You can do it. :)

@Oldhat: Kick! Ass!

@Vornaskotti: Funny how things can be. Bummer about the ring. Kudos to all the other stuff though - Iron Sky and all the cool things you've been doing.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-07T20:58:31-07:00

WOOOO to Robin and flecky and chris and Vorn (for the movie and the game) and roadscum (for the dancing) and Mag and fucking everyone.

I had a good day off from work today- second day in a row of exercises, catching up on the dishes and listening to Sparks (just discovered them), and, uh... I'm generally not comfortable talking about sex, ever, but as it's something I probably need to get over, the fella and I, you know, had sexy time.

...Twice. There's a whole page I could write about the problems w/ my sex life, and I'll spare you, but, yeah, that's out of the ordinary.

Ahem.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-08T11:53:33-07:00

Hooray to Brittanica! Oh, the mood altering and pain killing endorphines! The calories burned! The physical human connection!

(sex is so very healthy in so many ways, and the most enjoyable of exercises.)

You may find that the more you work on your exercises, the more you will feel partial to sexy time. That's how I work, anyway, and it's definitely the incentive I explain to my brain to get me to take some pain killers, put on a sports bra and boxers, play thumpy music, and do Carmen Electra Strip Tease Work Out dancemoves in the mirror. "someday, I'll want to have sex with someone again... someday, I'll want to have sex with someone again.... this will make me less terrified of someone having to touch me or see me naked..." And then, halfway through, I forget about incentive and I just enjoy my body actually being mobile and active. But I think just exercising puts you more in tune with the idea that your flesh is part of you and you aren't just a big floating head with this useless body flapping behind you, which makes sex far less alien feeling.

Hooray!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-08T15:20:36-07:00

@ Vornaskotti i have hugs of empathy for you
@Oldhat you win all the internets- and the TV too!!

Just wanted to pop in and let people know I still live. In the middle of moving to the new house and filling a hat order of $1000.00 worth of hats. No that is not a typo.
It is good but i am doing them while moving. Currently i'm waiting for things to dry and being exhausted and so very very worn out in every sense of the word.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-08T18:10:06-07:00

Feeling worthless and paranoid. Spinning my wheels. Very sleepy.

Bury it, stuff it down, get back to work.

@bunny Good to see you, lady.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-08T18:16:20-07:00

BUNNY! Good to see you again!

I drew last night. It was satisfying. I'm about to go do more. I also got an email from my speech therapist saying that my voice teacher emailed her (she referred me to him) talking about how excited he is by how much potential I have. Guh. Awesome.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-08T20:54:13-07:00

@bunny: Good stuff, glad you sound ok.

@dorkmuffin: Cool!

@roadscum: Hope your back gets better soon.

@everyone else: Stay strong, don't go changing.

@God: Oi, ya bastard! I wanna word with you...

Edit to add: I didn't get beat to a pulp by a drunken, seven-foot, American crane-operator at the clinic. He was itchin' for a fight with anyone! I'm quite tall, but this guy was humongous. Twas shitting meself!!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-08T22:07:10-07:00

Careful watch you wish for, Fleck old man.

Presented a big old project on ????? The Japanese concepts of the personal utterances we make with intimate friends and family and the socially acceptable things we say out in public. Went well even though we were pretty nervous and we got a few compliments. So yay. }:>

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-09T03:10:16-07:00

Oh, here's an AMAZINGLY good thing. So that photograph from the SPIThreadI just posted? Well, that was yesterday. Yesterday I was insane. Totally hysterical. It seems that going through all your medical records, medical bills, and social security/welfare paperwork while listening to the soundtrack to The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo while being unknowingly premenstrual is a REALLY TERRIBLE COMBINATION. I ended up a total mess in the head.

This doesn't sound good. But you what made it AMAZING? The fact that my internet was down alllll night. Thus preventing me from writing and sending long rambling overly emotional emails and IM conversations to people I shouldn't - y'know, the crazy and literate person's version of drunk texting. Oh thank goodness! I'm so relieved.

Is there some kind of sensory block I could put on my wireless devices that would measure my hormone levels the way they put those things on cars so drunk people can't turn the ignition on? Because I think I want one.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-09T06:01:29-07:00

@bunny Glad you are alive.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-09T15:09:13-07:00

Bunny is alive, hooray!

@Rachael - glad to hear things are a bit better and that some of it was just the body chemicals. I hate when they make my mood go down the drain.

I did a timed workout today and beat my time by 2min 20sec!! hooray fitness! I can't remember if I already mentioned this but my mom was recently diagnosed with type II diabetes (mild, luckily), so I am back on a weight loss plan for the sake of my own future health.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-09T19:13:39-07:00

I missed yesterday, because I was busy w/ the good thing: I spent about 6 hours text-chatting on Skype last night w/ five other girls from tumblr, fangirling about this radio showand Mark Lamarr's cat meowing during the broadcast and the possibility that maybe he knows he has a fan club and dropped words like "erection" and "hot pants" and "delicious" into the conversation just to fuck w/ us. I try not to be a slobbering fangirl much, but it's definitely worth it to chat w/ some fun ladies.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-09T20:10:54-07:00

WHAT
Mark Lamarr was back on the air and I MISSED IT
WHAT

(CAN I JOIN YOUR FANGIRL GROUP PLEASE)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-09T22:52:16-07:00

@allana- Here's a link to the radio show, though sadly it's missing the beginning. And, uh, if you wanna be in the club, searching the tag #team lamarr on tumblr is a good place to start.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-10T06:08:29-07:00

@raz. Sorry to hear that. As a biker myself I know how rough it can be on the road.

i've just had a little short story published at Inky Squib. This grew out of a writing exercise based on Passive Aggressive Notes.
The Fibril Prosthetic
Mine was based on the note on the bottom right
Passive Aggressive Notes

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-10T12:05:55-07:00

I just found out I'm being paid for the student film I'm doing next week. :D

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-10T12:52:11-07:00

I did a post for Open Mic, but it was crap...

I'm too ill for the big stuff, so I'm lurking here. Hugs and tea for this mad junkie.

#head imploding#

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-10T14:08:30-07:00

puppy was born today! looks like we're getting a girl! name suggestions plz!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-10T15:13:25-07:00

The fella and I have spent the day together, eating cheap pizza and going to see the Avengers and generally enjoying the bonus check I got yesterday while we can. And, oh my god, Avengers...

@flecky- /hug

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-10T15:24:23-07:00

@Alastair: Francesca Gonzales Hoffenheim the Fourth.

Fran for short.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-10T18:00:49-07:00

At the gym.

"Hey, Robin! We're going for a run. Wanna come?"
"Ah, I don't know. I haven't been here in a month and I'm really out of shape...how long?"
"3km." (about 2 miles)
"...I'm going to hate you when it's done, won't I?"
"You hate me anyways from the last run we did."
"...Point. Let's go."

And then I nearly died. But I feel good about it. Plus I like that I have some cool friends at that gym.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-10T21:54:09-07:00

@britannica, thank you. I listened to that twice today. At work. Is there by any chance an online repository of Lamarr's earlier radio shows? I'd kill to have a collection.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T04:57:17-07:00

Found out that my story Branch has been selected by Wigleaf as one of their Top 50 very Short Fictions of 2012 out of a longlist of 200
http://wigleaf.com/2012top503.htm

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T06:34:31-07:00

@allana, No anything organized, no, but if you search #god's jukebox on tumblr, my friends have posted links to shows... I don't know if all of the links still work, so I might try to put together a little archive page or something for you.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T10:02:34-07:00

I don't want to jinx anything, but it sounds like the ex and I are coming to an agreement about custody that won't require thousands of dollars (that neither of us have) in lawyers and a complete destruction of any working relationship/ability to co-parent that we've built up. How is this different than the last times you ask? The tone. Nothing is set in stone, or even agreed upon so it can implode at any moment, but our discussions have come further than we've gotten in the past. Please pray to any G/god(s) that you might have handy on my behalf. If we can work through this I think I'll be able to move out of my mom's and significantly closer to civilization.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T13:17:47-07:00

Tonight I get to go see Roger Waters do The Wall.

It's the closest I'll ever get to see Pink Floyd and I'm looking forward to it in ways I can't express.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T14:03:27-07:00

@sellmeyoursoul: I'm not sure what my higher power is...maybe it's the universe, or the great unknown...I don't know, but what I do know is that when I'm despairing I often find myself saying, "God help me!"
Anyway, I've just done a prayer to wish you the best. For personal reasons, I feel very strongly about the whole parenting thing.

@brittanica: Ta for the virtual hug, I'm glad you seem to be feeling better.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T19:43:28-07:00

Spent so much of the week either just trying to work or stepping lightly over the skein that separates me from mucky, dragging emotions. Happiness has felt almost desperate.

But I got to watch this video today and I'm smiling and crying and laughing and talking to God.

Inter//states

Yes. Thank you. Just. Yes.

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate." --BLADE RUNNER

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T20:05:00-07:00

This stuff.

Plus I'm thinking about a future tattoo, which I may like to get for my Birthday in December. Basically, Huggin and Muninn (Odin's Ravens whose names translate in to "Thought" and "Memory", two VERY important things to me) flying up my right arm.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T20:38:25-07:00

Today was my first day training for work at the art museum. (The happy thoughts I asked you to send pages ago on this thread worked!) It was so nice, especially when I compared it in my mind to the job I've had every other summer. Last year, the paperwork I had to fill out took over 4 hours. The paperwork for this job: 15-20 minutes. Last year I was working for an organization that honestly sucked my soul out and left me empty of all joy. This year, my entire workplace exists to get people to see art and be excited about it. Last summer I lived at home with my parents, and after a few months ago when my mom threatened to cut off my finances over a blog post I wrote about a boy in a print, I just knew I couldn't do that again. Now I live with my sister, who I've lived with all school year, and with whom I get along very well. I have another year left of this living situation, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Also, today I came home to a freshly cleaned living room, then went to the humane society to consider adopting a kitty (there was one I held for a good hour, but I don't think we'll end up getting her), and bought a pair of shoes for myself for the first time since last summer. (For the work uniform, but still. They're cute.)

And I've had tons of ideas for art to do lately. Just today at lunch I came up with ideas for another half a dozen comics I want to do. It'll be nice to have some things to fall back on when the inevitable block comes along.

Really, all is well. I haven't been this happy in a long time. The only thing that could possibly bring me down at this point is the fact that I'll only have pay for 4 short days of work when rent is due, which won't be quite enough. But I think I'll post a blog tonight with the art I managed to finish this last semester and some real cheap sale prices and see if that helps any. Worst case scenario, I have to ask my parents to lend me money, and it's not like it's the first time.

Yay for all your joys, and love to you, my dear Whitechapel! And hugs to all those that need them.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T20:57:12-07:00

@oldhat: I love the concept of Huggin and Munin so hard! That would be a totally sweet tattoo. Long ago on this forum I mentioned that there should be a Huggin and Munin mead out there. Someday. Anyway. Cooooool.

@fishelle: Yay!!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-11T20:59:19-07:00

@trini:

O'er Mithgarth Huggin and Munin both
Each day set forth to fly;
For Huggin I fear lest he come not home,
But for Munin my care is more.

yeeeeeeep.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-13T08:37:54-07:00

I'm always polite to corvids.

Because you never know.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-13T10:19:22-07:00

First nice weekend for probably six weeks? It's a novelty that it's not raining. Been gardening, doing stuff, and we took the kiddies out to Fort Nelson, which is the national artillery museum, situated in one of the Palmerston forts that were constructed in the Victorian era to protect Portsmouth naval base from landward attack. I love all that dregs of Empire stuff, it's fascinating to look at, even though you're always aware it was a monstrous enterprise. They have bits of the Iraqui supergun there, which is pretty interesting. Just nice we managed to get them out of the house, as they were going a bit crazy.

About to iron, then bathe, groom, and then get ready to throw myself into next week's Hell.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-13T11:08:09-07:00

Hahhah, right. Thank you life for once again reminding not to take you too seriously.

I had some plans for this Sunday, which got cancelled. Late in the afternoon I ended up alone in this downtown beer bar, a better class of place in a premium location and with 60 special beers, that kind of joint. I spent time reading a good book ("Serpent Uncoiled", as it happens, enjoying it a lot) and talking with several people online about life, death and important things. Feeling philosophical, thoughtful, quite melancholy - you know, that kind of a day.

...and then this older stylish business jacket wearing woman rips out an enormous loose fart right next to me, at the bar counter. It sounded like a horse blowing raspberries and the smell made my eyelashes and nose hairs curl. If, during an all night beer bender, one of my male friends had managed to do that, the conversation would have stopped and there would have been applause.

Yep. Thank you, world, feeling much better right now.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-13T15:00:39-07:00

Wonderful weekend. Got something on The List done, and have ideas for a couple others. Stayed true to myself over a couple of things. Drank coffee with a dear friend (one of those you feel you've known forever even when you haven't; and could probably sit in silence with reading or something without feeling you were out of place) and made (I think) a new one... Have a software shopping list that could be scary... Inspired and music and scribbles and funny bits popping into my head faster than I can write them down or process them... DH missed me... There was sunshine and vodka and cake and dancing after midnight and...

Just utterly blissfully happy...

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-13T17:19:05-07:00

I MADE THIS!

Raised bed garden. I know it's just a box, but I seriously am not a handy person at all. Even failed shop class in middle school. So getting the lumber for this and making it work was a real accomplishment for me.

Made a newspaper mulch at the bottom so no weeds happen. Need a LOT more soil, but with a little luck it'll be ready this week and my vegetables will be ready for transplanting in a week or two.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-14T08:09:15-07:00

whatcha growin?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-14T08:37:19-07:00

Onions, Basil, Jalapeno Peppers, Radishes, Squash and beans.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-14T08:38:06-07:00

oooooooooo good call! home grown onions are the best

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-14T09:38:57-07:00

Nice. I'm putting together my flower beds today, hopefully. I've decided on beets, peas, radishes, lettuce, carrots, and a few herbs.
Newspaper mulch is a good idea! I was just gonna throw in a bunch of compost one foot down.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-14T09:38:58-07:00

Apparently I'm to be on the Zoloft until I can get an appointment with the shrink, who can supply the heavy artillery. I'm surprisingly psyched about this; I'm so conditioned by growing up in a tough neighborhood to conceal any gaps in the armor, and talking about these things with my GP was tough. But I go to her when my body is sick, why not my brain?

We'll see.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-14T10:28:02-07:00

@oldhat. If you've got limited space have you thought about growing potatoes in old tyres?
http://www.ecopunk.org.uk/2007/03/growing-potatoes-in-tyres.html

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T01:56:37-07:00

Had a good cry at the funeral. Held friends and told them I love them with more ferocity than I've said those three words in a while.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T03:21:16-07:00

@Fauxhammer: Good work, brother. Meds can be very useful for fixing problems in the short term and giving you space to breathe. In the long term, if you can find someone to talk to professionally, you can fix whatever the root cause is, or at least work on it. Therapeutic relationships are what is important, rather than what kind of therapy you undergo - CBT was helpful for me, but psychoanalysis worked better. It's different for everyone. It's a talking cure so it has to be with someone you feel you can trust. Finding the right person can take time. It doesn't sound like you're going to actively fight the treatment, but often people who do do that, do so because they haven't encountered the right therapist / counsellor / person. Take it slowly, be kind to yourself, keep being this brave and you'll have this beat.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T05:54:38-07:00

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T13:28:26-07:00

So, I drove back from a long, long day in Leamington yesterday - it's about a 150 mile journey. The light was utterly magnificent - a beautiful warm glow picking out the oilseed rape fields and the cloud banks. Totally glorious, and wished I had a camera with me, which I didn't.

And then when it was dark, and I was hurtling down the A34 towards Winchester, I started thinking about the car and the engine and the processes that were transferring energy from the fuel and propelling me down the road, the violence of internal combustion, and then I thought 'there's nothing keeping the car apart from the road and nothing dividing me from the car, we are all energy patterns in the same universe, no separation is necessary'. And then there was no me, and no car, and no road, just a mind observing itself, and then there was no pain, striving, fatigue - all of it was gone and I felt a sense of overwhelming calm and gentle euphoria like nothing I've experienced for years and years.

I thought after a while though, that it might still be messy, if this blissful man-mercedes-universe combo of a tonne and a half of flesh and steel ran into the back of a stationary vehicle at 90mph so I slapped myself hard in the face just to make sure I could still feel pain and was all still there.

Still feel chilled though, despite another immensely busy deadline day, when normally I'd be crawling up the walls and shouting at people and things...

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T13:36:46-07:00

PUPPIES! ...i think?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T14:13:17-07:00

I picked some raspberries! I listened to Sparks songs really really loudly driving on the interstate (the Plagiarism version of "Something For the Girl With Everything" w/ Faith No More? Easy to drive way too fast listening to that)! Alastair has puppies! I'm on allergy meds and therefore a little foggy but it's okay!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T14:16:28-07:00

Just been asked to step in as guest speaker for one of my local open mic nights tomorrow, as the scheduled guest is poorly, so if anyone is near Harrogate, North Yorkshire come along to the Tap and Spile for Poems, Prose and Pints.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T14:30:45-07:00

I had my first real bike commute today! Like, with cars on major streets in the neighborhood and everything! It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I'll definitely be bike commuting more often now. And now I'm confident that I can ride through our busiest street without instantly dying, so I'll have to try that street next.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T15:29:43-07:00

@texture We'll see, man. Hopefully I'll get the inattention looked at, get some medicine, and put out some fucking work. Gotta get going, man.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-15T15:34:08-07:00

YUP! bulldog puppies! 6 girls 1 boy! not mine but i am getting 1 of them!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-16T11:26:40-07:00

Just had lunch w/ the tumblr friend who happens to live in Nashville. Had a pretty darn good turkey burger, too. We're meeting up yet again, hopefully next week, so she can give me 13 Storeys High (really good show, you can find it on youtube) in some sort of file format that includes the commentary tracks. I'm a completest, I am.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-16T11:45:32-07:00

- Weighed in and I have 7-8lbs to lose before I'm at the weight I was before the holidays, two US trips and medication fuckery pudgified me a bit. So huzzah! 10lbs gone, a little more to go and then...19 more pounds until my goal (yeah, yeah, but I like to work on weight loss in increments so it's less daunting). Healthy eating is happening, I'm getting back in to boxing and will start running again, as that along with walking were my BIG weight loss things.

- Plants are growing. The onions may have been overwatered and dying, but everything else, EPECIALLY the Jalapenos, are doing well and should be ready for transplanting soon.

- Internship is pretty much done. No more early mornings and neglecting things due to tiredness!

- I joined a group that does things like give Polo lessons, skydiving, gun shooting and a couple of other cool activities for a fairly cheap price. Hopefully cut out some of the blah from my daily life.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-16T18:26:17-07:00

I know I posted here last, but also today I came to a realization.

I really did forget how much two things just calm me down and make me feel better about things. Writing in my journal and running alone on the track.

I started getting back in to the routine of writing in my journal every morning on the commute to work, which takes away a lot of my mental stresses.

And due to some stomach fuckery, I wasn't able to go to the gym. But later tonight at home I started feeling better and decided to head to the track. I only did about 2 miles (though still good since I'm just getting back in to the swing of things with running) but it was wonderful to just let my mind go blank and focus on nothing but my breathing.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-16T21:54:52-07:00

People took all of the free comic book day comics that I made.

I got an advance copy of the Harlan Ellison juvenile delinquent book from my work. (it's trashy!)

My shingles are going away.

My boss "promoted" me to action figure-pricer guy.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-16T22:17:47-07:00

Flecky version 2.0 is now available in various formats to suit the needs of society. It moves on a self-regenerating flinch system, and is available in various shades of a toxic green and purple, paisley-sick combination.

Tired of existential worries hitting you like a boulder at work? Then just let it free from it's box, and watch it climb up your employer's leg as it seeks-out somewhere to give birth to it's minions.

Plagued by doubts that your not cool? Let the all-new, limited-edition, Flecky 2.0 run naked down busy streets. Pull it's string, it talks. Prod it's brain, it wails. Give it a ax, it kills. Give it your wife, it breeds!!

Available under-the-counter at most chemists.

#Flecky version 2.0 doesn't come with a manual, doesn't know what-the-fuck is going on, thinks it's harder than Tony Stark, is not good on public transport, and is now five-days-clean, ya bastards!#

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-16T23:18:48-07:00

@flecky

Kudos, matey!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-16T23:29:03-07:00

Hugs for Flecky!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-17T01:51:56-07:00

@ Flecky- yes mate, good work.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-17T02:50:42-07:00

HUZZAH FOR FLECKY 2.0! LLTGDF2.0!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-17T03:08:46-07:00

*listening to the Flecky 2.0 spiel and waving my money in the air like they do in TV shop*

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-17T05:25:18-07:00

@flecky: SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-17T05:42:02-07:00

Nice one Flecky!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-17T06:32:12-07:00

@flecky- YES.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-17T08:37:25-07:00

@all: Thanks for the kind words, it means the world. Hugs right back at you all.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-18T02:47:26-07:00

Right the hell on, Flecky.

Everything is half dull in tone and I suspect I'm speaking a little louder than I really need to. And throat and back are raw as hell. Awesome. A while back my MB (middle bro) surprised me with Rammstein tickets and tonight was the night.

RAwR!!! Good good guys, nasty ass songs, fucking hard rock and motherfucking pyrotechnics jesus. brilliance. Ridiculous brilliance.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-18T03:06:23-07:00

Huzzah Flecky!

I have been social! With humans!

The past three days have involved overcoming back spasm with the power of corset-wearing, volunteering at WFMU, in depth conversations about comics with a true comic dork, a Little Shop of Horrors screening with a Frank Oz Q&A , more volunteering at WFMU, more fun conversations, something that might be considered an impromptu dinner date, hours of conversation, and an amazing chance run-in with a cool fellow I was meaning to hang out with.

Aside from the really terrible parts, my life is pretty awesome.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-19T05:59:35-07:00

Left the apartment today to go sell some films and to see what's going on in the big blue ceiling room. What was going on was Restaurant Day, where everybody can set up an extempore restaurant, and a big neighborhood festival of free gigs. So this was a day of stalls with food scents, sunshine, good coffee in a cafe terrace and watching all sorts of beautiful young things enjoy the early tendrils of the summer.

Now loading a backpack full of meat and going to a pal's place to barbecue and sauna.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-19T06:02:35-07:00

This week was Correctional Officer's Week at work, and that basically just means food.

Later today, I'm going to a picnic at a downtown park near the institution. My fiance is meeting me on the way, and she's a bit nervous, as she usually doesn't make a habit of hanging around cop-type-people (other than me). Actually, I don't usually do that either, outside of work. This will be the first work-sponsored event I've ever gone to outside of the institution, so hopefully we can both share in our equal discomfort. But there's free food, and prizes. I'm hoping for the Kindle.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-19T15:25:49-07:00

Mozzarella ice cream, fuck yeah. Last time people had it, the taste reportedly made a woman blush and go speechless. I can vouch for it to be the best ice cream I've ever tasted. Then again, my favorites so far have been licorice and tar ice creams.

All warm and content after sauna, friends, half a kilo of bbq meat and the said ice creams. Being late from the bus gave a nice cool down walk to end the evening - a forested industrial area, deep indigo sky, birds bleeping and clicking in the trees, one side of the sky noticeably lighter even though it was 1am. Summer is coming and one month and a change to the midnight sun.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-19T15:30:10-07:00

So this happened:

It's very quiet, but I haven't been this proud of my voice in years.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-21T10:48:01-07:00

wow, dorkmuffin you've improved a lot! Good to hear you're vocal therapy is going well :D

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-21T11:51:41-07:00

@Flecky - Thanks for putting in a good word with the universe for me. Still working on things. I'm sure I'll update you all when there's any news, good or ill. And cheers on the sobriety.

@dorkmuffin - You've got a purty ~~mouth~~ voice!

My date last Friday went well. Aside from the fact that we can't actually fit seeing one another into our schedules, there seems to be some mutual fuzzy feelings. In some ways, it's a good thing because otherwise, I could totally see myself falling hard for this girl. Taking a bit of time to cool off allows me to be a bit more dispassionate (which is what every romantic relationship needs!). I'm dead set on learning from the mistakes of history. So no getting engaged three months into a relationship. Or while under the influence of narcotics.

Pretty much all of the major aspects of my life are progressing quite well at the moment, so it's hard not to tense up, anticipating an unseen horror, but I'm telling the pessimistic/self-destructive part of myself to fuck off.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-22T00:40:06-07:00

@sellmeyoursoul - oh, I'm totally the same way with relationships. Which is why I've been avoiding them for so long. I dive too deep too soon.

Today it was a rainy and thundery day, and my head was nice and didn't explode at all! Well, not until about an hour ago when the pressure started to plummet, but... it was a nice and rare treat to get to hang out in comfy clothes drinking tea and enjoying a grey day without needing to lay down.

Hooray!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-22T19:01:06-07:00

You all know Amanda fucking Palmer has been breaking all previous known crowd funding records/rules this month, right? So I've been thinking about it because I sorta follow her career, though not meticulously (girl is prolific and I have a limited attention span). I'm busted flat broke, have been for years and this month it's especially kicking me in the teeth - borrowing cars, cash, crash space, etc to make it to my theater to run rehearsals for the play I'm stage managing.

I check in on AFP's progress but keep my distance to keep from the non-participation from hurting too much. She doesn't really need my help, she would like it and I would like to help...but I don't need to. If I was going to support a kickstarter it should have been the one my company ran for our play. But it's been so touch and go, literally every dollar counts for me. I can't lose track of so much as a nickel.

But she posted today about the spending plan for pulling a hypothetical million dollars. And it's not like that's what moved me, she's hovering around $800K and I'm pretty sure she still doesn't need my help. But I got thinking about how much I have needed help. How much the limited encouragement my friends have given me, the tiny bits of support, the loans, the outright gifts have kept me moving forward. And how much, back when I didn't need this, when I could carry my own weight in a "real" job, I really hated my life and hated myself, more than a little.

I checked my bank account. I had less than $2.00 left through the end of the month. I don't have anything I can use that for, most likely (it wouldn't even buy me a decent cup of coffee). Passing a dollar onto AFP is really an absurd act. It doesn't change either of our situations. It doesn't feed anyone who's going hungry. It doesn't buy jack in terms of necessary stuff. But it puts a shoulder to the idea that art needs to be made - that making it so we can create our own shit as we feel driven to do - that is a necessity. That is something that improves the world. I believe in Amanda's work just like I believe in the theatre I do.* Giving her a thumbs up in the form of a buck is the least I can do.

I posted all that on her blog. Commented on Twitter, pledged a dollar and moved on.

A little bit later a girl over Twitter wrote to me offering me $4 to get me to the next gift level. She wanted to give ME a gift for HER birthday. I...am...blown...away. It's sorted now. She sent me the cash over paypal. I'll handle the transaction from there. ...with tears in my eyes. Someone gave me a really amazing present just...why? Just because I said something inane about my recklessly poor life? Because I babbled about sacrificing comfort for art? I mean really... But it happened. I could hug the whole world right now.

*I know it's a matter of faith. I put my name in for a temporary gig earlier today, knowing all the while that reporting to an office to work on someone else's project when I don't giving a flying fuck about it is the last thing I want to do. I desperately need money. But I also need to never again feel completely numbed out, with a black weight in my heart.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-24T10:35:07-07:00

the lady and i just got in after a couple of rough days at work and cracked some cold beers on a nice day.... simple shit

oh also the drummer in my 2 piece band drummed for 3 hours yesterday and raised £157 for the teenage cancer trust

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-24T10:45:47-07:00

there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

In a couple of weeks, I switch to evening shift. I won't have to get up at 430 in the fucking am, for at least 3 months.

Thank fucking God.

Except for a month or so on the graveyard shift (during which my waking hours were spent dealing with my girlfriend going to rehab), I've been on the day shift, grueling tedious work, on base pay, for nearly a full year.

Now, I can go to sleep when I feel like it, wake up when I feel like it (NO ALARM!!!) and I actually get paid more!

Too bad the future Mrs. Spy doesn't like my new hours. I think since I learned to cook she's gotten spoiled.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-25T01:34:58-07:00

I've got a bit of hope at the moment, but I'm fucking scared as hell.

I got to nine-days-clean, was sick as hell, was doing meetings etc. I was literally crawling home and getting bits of sleep.

I'm not making excuses here, but I was insane as the day broke on Monday; it was like I was possessed. I know most people who don't understand addiction would think I was weak, that I don't want to stop using, that I'm beyond help etc. but, like any illness, you can't really understand until it happens to you.

If I'd been in a safer environment I reckon I would have had a fighting chance. Addicts don't take drugs so they can have a good time, relax with friends, dance in clubs to fucking techno like a pratt. They don't go to the pub to discuss the state of the world over a couple of drinks, they go there to get shit-faced. Basically, they just can't handle normal emotions like most people.

Anyway, on Monday I relapsed. I've seen what this can do in other people. Even before they've used you can see the illness kick the shit out of them. Thank fuck I managed to keep it to just one day. Luckily, I contacted a few folk from NA to pour my heart out to. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried like a bitch.

BUT it's not all bad. I had to go back on a small dosage of the buprenorphine, and I'm sorting out going into a hospital to detox. I'm also applying to go to a rehab to get the fuck away from London for a few months.

I refuse to give up trying. It's the best I can do.

Now I'm off to some sexual-health clinic, it has to be done.

Later, folks.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-25T04:35:50-07:00

@Flecky- setbacks will always happen, your refusal to give up trying is what will make the difference.
Good luck with the clinic, and I hope they can sort the detox and out of town rehab for you soon- getting out of town for a while has to be a help. Looking forward to hearing some more from the frightening genius of Flecky2.0.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-25T05:44:59-07:00

I got several interesting mental brain diagnoses yesterday, and pharmaceuticals to accompany.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-25T11:33:42-07:00

@Flecky: Life is rarely simple and straightforward, not like it is on the telly where the good guy gets the girl and they all live happily ever after*. You know this, you know life is messy and complicated and a bloody hard slog. And when it's all uphill its not surprising if sometimes you slide back down a little. The important thing is to pick yourself up and get back climbing. Not everybody manages to do that, you have and that's damn good. I don't know if the sound of cheering in the background helps at all, but that's what i'm doing. You keep going sunshine, you beat those little fuckers! I want you to WIN!

And getting away from London for a while? Oh yes, that's the way to go. Worked for me anyway, just got back from a couple of days in the North Norfolk ~~sunshine~~ fog. Had an excellent time and have returned renewed and revitalised. Or something. Ok, i'm aching like hell and tired as fuck but it was nice, ok? There were trees and flowers and seaside and i liked it a lot.

*I haven't had a telly for years so i'm making that up, things can't have changed that much though.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-25T13:00:19-07:00

@nelzbub and roadscum: Ta, gents. Yep, it isn't like the telly. I've seen so many films/shows that get the whole addiction thing wrong.

I'm glad you had a good break, roadscum.

Damn, I won't go into detail about what they did to me at the sexual-health clinic, but the staff were brilliant, really good people. Glad I got that out the way.

Fuck, I enjoyed the sun walking home today :)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-25T19:45:51-07:00

Yesterday was awesome. I was on time for a fancy doctor appointment, got some 'scripts to help my blood sugar and hair problems, and then walked all over Central Park. I knew I'd pay for it and my body would hate me today (which it does), but it was glorious to walk through the woodsiest bits of the park in the intermittently pouring rain. And after that I was social with humans!

Then I got home, and opened the mail.

Seems I was wrong. There goes everything I was clinging to and hoping for. For the past four... no.... eight years. Today and everything in the future is kind of really awful. And I'm in a weird sort of shock.

But yesterday was awesome. Friendly squirrels and water diving birds and sailors and dancing children.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-26T00:33:07-07:00

Aw, shit Rachæl, that's awful. I thought they'd told you in the past that you were a strong candidate.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-26T02:35:06-07:00

I wish I could think of something good to say, Rachael. That letter is just...*sigh*

Sorry to hear that.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-26T04:03:10-07:00

@Rachael - oh shit. Sorry to hear, hope there's some sort of answer out there for you that doesn't take too long to arrive.
@Flecky - hang in there, hope you manage to get out of London.

New earphones arrived this morning - trouble is I'll probably need a new mp3 player too, as current one is on its last legs.

Plus, the sun's out and I'm off to the beach shortly...

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-26T07:38:10-07:00

@ David - yeah. They did.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-26T22:50:26-07:00

@Rachael: Fuckers.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T00:24:22-07:00

@Rachael: Bastards. It's probably a good job I'm not in New York now, as I would go there and do something really stupid.

I can only imagine how you feel. I hope your OK.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T03:32:37-07:00

@Rachael

As I said in FB, what the fucking shitting fucking hell. Saying "that sucks" is the understatement of the millennium.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T03:53:59-07:00

I think this falls under the heading of "needing a hug" or something... I'm in my favorite place in the world, at the cabin. It's sunny, the sauna is getting warm, I have charr in the smoking box and the nature and the lake around me are so beautiful you could cry. This is also my last day here ever, at least alone. The breakup means that I won't be coming back here, and frankly the thought is sort of devastating.

It's amusing how attached you can become to a location. A couple of years ago I realized that for the third of my life this place has been the only constant for me - apartments, houses, people and everything else changes. I lead a kind of life where things are quite transient, I don't have a close family and generally I mostly drift through or skim over things. Throughout that I've known that no matter how bad the shit gets, I've been always able to come here, bathe and sweat out the demons in the Friday night, sleep well, spend the Saturday skiing, fixing something, picking up the scythe and going all grim reaper on the weeds, chopping and sawing firewood and huffing out the anger and the frustration, and come Sunday, I'm all happy and purged and ready to face the world again.

So, off to stack some firewood I'm never going to burn, eat the fish, sauna and see if the lake is warm enough for the pansy ass me, and then it's the time to sever the taproot. I wonder where I'll put down the next one.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T04:10:11-07:00

@Rachael: Is there an appeal process or something?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T09:31:30-07:00

@Vorn - That's frustrating. Leading a very transient life myself, I understand how important a constant can become. I get attached to places all the time, and the peripheral humans that hardly matter. From very neihborhood I've lived in, I miss the hoods on the street corner and the men at the bodegas and hope they are ok - those people who I hardly knew, but would share a moment with every day. But the solitude of nature, too?! That's a total double whammy of comfort withdrawal.

@Fauxhammer - yeah, I've emailed and questioned their decision, mentioning that when I'd sent my things in four years ago they said I was a candidate, and wondering if I could ask to be reassessed. The problem is, they really are THE world renowned specialists in treating and DIAGNOSING this disorder, so... if I was that dead set on accepting them to treat me, I have to accept their decision if I am not a candidate. I might just have cervical/spinal instability, which could cause the same neurological and intracranial pressure issues, possibly. Maybe.

Today's happy thing was looking and finally finding a "real Dr. House." I read this article in Discover Magazine, and it seems that the fellow in question has a practice in New York City, and specializes in solving Medical Mystery. Of couse, he doesn't take any insurance, not even Medicare, so I'm going to have to wait some time before I can save up the money to see him, but at least that's maybe kinda hopeful?

Also, today's happy thing was appreciating the camaraderie of this place. Thanks, guys!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T09:40:29-07:00

@Rachael: Attagirl--chin up!

On the homefront: let's talk about house cleaning on Concerta.

Cleaning house on Concerta is better than sex. THAT'S RIGHT.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T10:11:07-07:00

@Rachael Have you any idea how much a consultation costs? I couldn't find anything about costs on his site.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T10:17:50-07:00

@Rachael - shit, I'm so sorry. From everything I've heard about your medical problems, I can't fathom how they would have decided that you a visit would not be of benefit to you. Lots and lots of hugs from me.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T10:55:42-07:00

@Rachael: I'm super bummed that you're not getting help from the Chiari Institute, but delighted you've found out about a (significantly kinder) Dr. House. I hope you'll come up with the money soon.

@Vornaskotti: Sorry to hear you won't be able to visit the cabin again. I'm oh so familiar with how special places can be, and how hard it can be to lose them. Maybe someday down the road you can find a new cabin as a weekend comfort?

Edit: Actually, I have some good things going on. My uncle (the fun one) is visiting for my dad's birthday. My mom has been planning a family reunion and at the last one we hosted (two years ago), we had some lasagnas made by one of my bosses (the father), which were amazing, but expensive (rightfully so), so we thought we weren't going to afford them this year. Well, my mom was just talking to one of the relatives who liked them so much that she offered to pay for them herself. I get to tell my boss (the daughter) tomorrow that we're going to order the same lasagnas for this year's reunion. I'm looking forward to seeing how delighted she'll be.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T11:27:35-07:00

@Vorn - I totally get that attachment. My parents had a large static caravan in Cornwall for years, and that was my bolthole from stress and work. I'd make the three hour run down there often in a real state, driving like a lunatic, thinking that a host of devils was at my heels, and then I'd cross the Tamar Bridge and all of a sudden everything would fall away. The place was a refuge, and I loved it totally. They had to give it up in 2006, the site owner wanted newer vans there and they couldn't afford a new one. Was desperately sad to see it go. I hope you find something else that gives you that anchoring.

Am seeing the last of the sun off on the patio, burning my new earphones in with PJ Harvey (who I've decided I want to marry), drinking cider and trying to calm down and figure out what the hell it is I'm trying to do with myself. I swam in the sea yesterday, did loads in the garden, but I've been inexplicably in a foul mood today. But I've just gone back in the house to give my partner a hug, I feel really irritated with her a lot of the time at the moment and I don't think it's really her fault. And I want to fight the tyranny of the clock that makes me go to bed at 10pm, totally against what my body wants to do. So dammit, here's to saying fuck the clock.

And the other thing of interest - a tantalising possibility - my parents in law have a beautiful 33ft yacht, currently stored in Fareham. They can't sail it anymore, and it needs a fair bit of work to get seaworthy again - painting, and engine renovation. They can't seem to sell it either, so they're suggesting that a few people get together and do it up and use it, obviously for a contribution to upkeep etc. I love boats, I've always wanted to learn to sail but haven't a clue how, so I'm really, really tempted. One of their friends is a retired sea captain, so their might be a possibility of learning. Ho hum...

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T16:22:01-07:00

@Vorn - the other way of looking at it would be that everything ends, and that there's a last time you'll visit anywhere. At least, in this case, you had the grace of enjoying every time you visited the place and knowing to recognize and celebrate the last time you had in that particular place. It's a cold comfort, but it is at least a noble emotion.

I am reminded of:

There is a line of Verlaine I shall not recall again,
There is a nearby street forbidden to my step,
There is a mirror that has seen me for the last time,
There is a door I have shut until the end of the world.
Among the books in my library (I have them before me)
There are some I shall never reopen.
This summer I complete my fiftieth year:
Death reduces me incessantly.

-- Jorge Luis Borges.

Alas.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T19:46:36-07:00

I got to a early morning meet I've not been to for ages in Earls Court, and saw some folk I've not seen for a long time, including my mate from Philadelphia. They all seemed happy to see me, and totally understood when I told them about when my mind and body was on autopilot when I relapsed on Monday. My mate told me about having a gun held to his head years ago, which reminded me about when some nutter had a sawn-off pointed at me and a dead friend years ago. Anyway, my American buddy is twenty-years-clean, and a good man.

I then walked to Kensington Gardens, which brought back some memories, as I was a gardener there. I used to go into the secure, private area, and was always seeing Prince Charles and Diana. I then walked the length of Hyde Park with my shoes off, which felt like good physiotherapy for my numb legs and feet. I saw one of my heroes from a old punk band.

By the time I got to Portobello Rd I was fucked, and I had to get the Tube to Shepherd's Bush. I didn't really want to go back, as it's a shit-hole. A few months ago a cop stopped me to search for drugs. When I asked him if he didn't have anything better to do, he said something like, "Mate, this is Shepherd's Bush. It's just the way it is." It felt like the end of Polanski's Chinatown, for fuck's sake!

All very weird, as my dad used to be crime-scene photographer cop.

NA London is a strange entity. The amount of famous people I keep seeing and interacting with is getting weird. I'd love to tell you who some of them are, but that would be breaking the anonymity thing.

Today I need to make some calls about getting into that hospital ward I mentioned. Christ, it sounds strict: I'll have to hand in my tobacco on admission, which is a utter bitch, as I LOVE TO FUCKING SMOKE!

I hope you lot are OK.

Laters! :)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T19:48:49-07:00

@flecky, you sound hopeful, and that's lovely to read.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-27T22:20:10-07:00

So after years of wage slavery, I got a promotion at my newest job (It's one of the big three tech companies). I've cleared the $20 an hour mark for the first time in my life, and I get to work from home too! Life is good.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-28T03:00:21-07:00

Phew...I've managed to get out of doing jury service today. Mind you, with my high-standing position in society, it wasn't exactly hard. I'm purging my gaff of anything that reminds me of my past. I'm having to be quite ruthless. By the time I'm finished I'll probably just have a toilet and a loincloth...

Just this second got a call back about assessment for rehab: got a appointment tomorrow. That's good, in a perverse sort of way.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-28T12:40:41-07:00

To all who are having a shit time of it, my sympathies as ever.
Some good things from my life:
It's six years today since I arrived in Amsterdam, with little more than the clothes I stood up in.
It's the longest I have ever lived anywhere since the first six years of my life and I find myself hoping that I'll be able to spend six more years here, especially on a day like today when the sun is shining on the city and I'm reminded how relentlessly picturesque this place is.
Other nice things, the band I was driving on the tour that brought me here back then, Oi Polloi, were back in town last week and it was lovely to catch up with them again although there was a bizzarre incident with a Polish squatter convinced(wrongly,honest!) that I was a man who had burned down his squat several years ago!
I was also recieved a copy of the tour documentary, part of which was filmed on the tour I drove and my hairy belly has made it to the cover!

It wasn't entirely cringe inducing, just the bits I appear in!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-29T18:39:31-07:00

@agentarsenic: Holy Shit! $20/hr? Congrats. I thought I was being paid super fancy when I got $9.50ish for being a weekend concierge, mind.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-29T20:57:22-07:00

@ Slick - I've no idea how much it is. In one of the articles I read about him (perhaps it was the Discover one?) it was mentioned somewhere that he charges around $300 for an hour consultation, but that was written about 6 years ago. I've no idea how much it'd be now. :/

GOODNESS: I was invited to a party! By someone I hardly know, but lives a block away! And I went! By myself! I was really really late, but I brought food stuff and I hung out on a roof, and we threw water balloons off the roof for no reason! Also, I retrieved my AC from next door and installed it and now I am not feeling like I am going to die from the heat! YAY!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-29T21:19:25-07:00

Found out yesterday I had a day to prepare an open class. Naturally, I hate anything like that and having only one day to prepare should have spun me out. But oddly enough, it didn't! It felt like a challenge rather than a shit-inducing catastrophe.

I did feel a little ropey before the class this morning, so I wrote some thoughts down in order to try and understand why I was feeling nervous. It sort of helped. The class went alright, and no one died!

It's a small feat, but I really noticed a change in being able to cope. Sometimes teaching normal classes make me nervous, so I feel really happy that I didn't explode.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-30T08:40:23-07:00

Back from Montreal. Definitely feeling the sociopathy you get from spending every waking hour of four days with the same two people. Most of it was good, but I definitely am not meant to travel in groups. Jesus Christ.
Did get a few chances to walk/drive off on my own; rediscovered how amazing city driving can be in a stick-shift; met and enthusiastically badgered a few people at my university-to-be who are in/graduated from my chosen program. Took some photos; ate some escargot; didn't speak any French. Am now determined to get tutoring here in Toronto for the next few months.

So, all that was pretty so-so. What DID I do that was worth hugs? Bought a grey men's tail coat from the 1910s, from a fripier I've been in almost every time I've been to Montreal. It is gorgeous and silly and fits me perfectly.

And, now that I'm back, I have my turntable and my vinyl collection (my mother brought them from storage). So that's what I've been doing, and will continue to do until I have to go to work and try not to kill anyone. Now playing: Supersilent 6.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-30T08:40:31-07:00

@Rachael: That all sounds like good fun. I was bit worried about you after that letter, but you are a fighter on the battlefield. Fucking A!

I've spewed my mind on the Open Mic, so not much to report. Still, I had my eyes sorted today at the optical-quack-shop, and I got new specs to pick-up in a couple of weeks, so I can look all intellectual, like. All that walking barefoot through Hyde Park was great for my legs, even though I did look like some crazy hippy doing a walkabout.

Thank whatever that instigated the human experiment for giving us a sense of humour. We'd be fucked without it.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-30T10:13:55-07:00

I'm doing that awful flip flop between 'life's wonderful' and 'things are a mess' today. Good friend (or so I thought) has been uncontactable for a fortnight, and I miss them :-( On the flip a new friend is... extremely... um... ;-)

And then monday is the big four zero. which I'm actually really looking forward to being, but the sodding jubillee has messed up any possibility of doing nice things, DH is working, children have scout camp...

House is a mess, and not getting better (everytime I clear something, something else is done; chucking things reveals more things; things are breaking :-( ) and I'm not getting on with the burning art things that are burning. I'm just about making my deadlines for money things, and the constant need of everyone younger or the DH everytime I start on something for me (arty, music, comedy, really really need to rehearse for the showcase is now but a fortnight away and I've yet to gig it in its entirity! argh) is really really really draining...

then the not knowing if people are just laying low or actually not OK and as I said missing them is not helping....

Circles... but circles... burning circles...

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-30T13:43:20-07:00

Last Friday that girl broke up with me. Again. Which is kind of a relief. We were like gasoline and a spark. Put us together, lots of light and heat, but apart, things got cold pretty quickly. My life is too fucking complicated to make that kind of relationship work and honestly, if I was the only one trying, I'm better off without her. There were some moments that were great for the old ego and will be riding high on those for a while, while I hunt for my next heartbreak. Last fall, I decided I wanted to try and figure out how to write a love song that wasn't trite shite, so a little romantic churn is good for the journey. I've reached the point in my life where writing angsty song after angsty song is becoming boring. Might as well challenge myself.

Also, as I write this, my mom has taken my daughter off to pick up a couple of kittens! When I get back from the chiropractor tonight, there will be two new furballs in my life. It will be rough if I do manage to move by the end of the summer since they won't be coming. My daughter will have just enough time to get attached before moving away, but I expect we'll be visiting fairly regularly since my mom is a pretty big part of her life anyway.

@Rachael - Letter. Fuck! Party. Fuck yes! Can we put together a "get Rachael to see the real Dr. House" kickstarter already? I'm not sure what the rewards would be for various contributions, but I'll pony up a few bucks.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-30T13:44:01-07:00

i saw my mum for the first time on over a year today, it hurst how much i miss her. she bought me dinner and we talked about shakespeare... goddamn

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-30T18:47:19-07:00

Am the closest to my pre-winter weight I've been since January. By the end of this weekend I should be back to bitching about having 18lbs left of my overall goal.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-30T22:53:08-07:00

Twittversation of the week:

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-31T00:04:58-07:00

Didn't kill anyone at work today!
Did actually act very friendly-ly-ly towards all my coworkers because they are all such miserable sods. Sigh.
(I just can't believe I get paid the same as these childish, unprofessional, snot-nosed bastards. Job hunt is back in full swing.)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-31T00:23:34-07:00

My baby brother saved my ass a whole bunch. I forgot my phone at home. I'm camped out at a friend's house 35 miles away because I literally don't have the money to buy the gas to drive back and forth while my play goes into tech. I'm stage managing. Ergo, I *fucking* need my phone and a big time dumbass to have forgotten it. The only thing I needed more was my script. I could survive otherwise.

Anyway. BB drove the 65 miles to bring me my phone. He brought me a few other things because he's awesome, but the phone was dire.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-31T09:16:09-07:00

Down twenty pounds.

Just wrote eight hundred words in thirty minutes.

Absolutely crushing it at work.

Am now a professional writer now that my Weaponizer mag pay has come in.

YOU

CAN'T

BRING

ME

DOWN

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-05-31T11:04:36-07:00

@sell me your soul - well, it seems you can't use kickstarter for medical bills. HOWEVER, you can buy one of my paintings, if you like.

(I wonder if I could start a thread?)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-06T13:38:52-07:00

yup

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-06T14:28:02-07:00

Well finally hit 50,000 words on my novel. Just had a day's break to get some day contract work nailed, and finish a short story involving chicken skin gloves and an aviary. I've also been asked, completely out of blue, to judge a flash fiction competition for a nearby writers' circle.

Apart from that spending my evening getting kicked by my unborn offspring.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-06T16:24:27-07:00

@Alastair: Ahhh!

@Steve Toase: That's all good. Nice work.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-06T16:43:59-07:00

OHMYGODPUPPIES

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-07T00:48:43-07:00

It's been a bit of a trying month, but with loot of goodness that warrants concentrating on instead of the blahs. A major good thing is the new apartment, which is really the best apartment I've ever had. There are big windows that face south, but with enough trees and houses on the way that the place doesn't turn sweltering. There's a lot of light that will keep my plants alive, more space and storage space than I know what to use for, the landlady was pretty relaxed and fun, and even the next door neighbours were a friendly bunch. Apparently a lady living below me is a pretty strict case, but I'm not planning on arranging rowdy parties every weekend so I hope we'll get by. Also, the balcony <3 When I can afford it, I'll buy some vines that can take over a grille, and some patio furniture so I can have my morning coffee while enjoying the sunshine. In a week or so I can afford to move the rest of my stuff, like bookcases and such, and then I can properly relax.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-07T03:56:31-07:00

PUPPIES!!

*bursts into stress tears*

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-07T13:33:42-07:00

yep! 4 weeks today!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-08T03:53:04-07:00

I got a BLEEDING COOL article for my cosplay pictures...

Bleeding Cool Cosplay pics

I think that might be considered a good thing...:-)....

Good luck to Vornaskotti...been there..done that...

Heri Mkocha
https://www.youtube.com/thearklight

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T07:34:37-07:00

I think this qualifies...
Today, I married Kirsty, my beloved of 18 years (and the Other Woman in my previous weird threesome, but I knew her first). We eloped to our soon-to-be-home-town of Hebden Bridge (in theory we move there 4 weeks today). Could not be happier.

Her ring is vintage. Mine is titanium. Sums it up nicely.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T08:00:08-07:00

@Cat Yey! And congratulations on a move up to Yorkshire!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T09:50:00-07:00

(psst! someone start a new thread! It's not May anymore!)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T10:29:21-07:00

@Cat: Congrats! I'm happy for you, me!

I woke up screaming into the void; I didn't know who-the-fuck I was. Serious tormententia of spiritual isolation ruptured my landing-struts, forcing me to splashdown onto my duvet. I'm sure the insect-husk was fisting me as I lit-up a fag.

As I made First Contact with these "Hu-mans" it got better.

Anyway, as I was hauled back home from a meeting, this woman rang me about my application to go into rehab; "they" will be discussing it in a week. Nothing is certain yet, so finger's crossed! I'm trying to get into a place in North Somerset.

YOU. ARE. INVITED!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T11:03:08-07:00

Released my album today. It's the culmination of four years work. Can now draw a line under it and start working on the next phase. Now I just have to finish my novel in the next 8 weeks, and I'm hitting my targets. Feeling energised, terrified, motivated and intimidated all at the same time. LET'S ROCK.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T12:48:28-07:00

I got a new job! I had been working at Starbucks the last few months after losing my last job, but it has been a major source of stress and aggravated my eczema to the point of having to take time off just so I could heal.

Now I just have to go tell my manager that I won't be coming in next week because the new job wants me to start ASAP. Whoops. :P

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T13:57:46-07:00

@ Cat congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T15:44:46-07:00

I got a new job too. It's a brunch/lunch service job, so I can keep my night job (or transition out of it, as the case may be, because it's a horrible fucking place and I hate it) and still make all of the moneys.
Did a "training" shift today and got lots of accolades. Yay!

Also my friend is getting a divorce. This is good because I never approved of her I'm-marrying-a-40-year-old-from-a-foreign-country-when-I'm-22 thing in the first place and now she'll be able to go back to having a real life instead of settling into some benign home-maker role. Yep, I'm the asshole that writes people off when they make normative life choices. Clearly I was right, in this situation, so shut up.
So, she'll be flying back to Toronto sometime next week, moving in with me, and starting her life over. Or something like that. (Probably nothing like that. You know how these things go.) Still, I'm happy I could provide her with a couch to crash on and a space to veg out and re-think things.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T17:20:40-07:00

YAY CAT!!!

Good news for people with new jobs and virtual hugs from me. }:>

Today is the second day of my weekend, so yeah tomorrow I go back to "work." It's a lot easier from here on out. But still takes up some time. But no matter I get a few days at home - I clean, I eat vegetables...I may yet get to the gym. Body is very happy not to be wound tight with no where/no time to relax.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-13T23:01:21-07:00

Its always may. Pfft. Other months are just silly ideas.
>:)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-14T08:30:41-07:00

Man, I gotta say, getting a juicer was a brilliant idea. We bought a Ninja Pulse, and although it retailed for $170 I picked it up for like $50, and it was delivered (for free, no less) in 2 days!

I've enver made my own smoothies before. It's like being awake for the first time. Now I just need to find good ideas of things to make into pulpy drinks.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-14T10:38:20-07:00

@TEXTURE...

I went to your music site...wow!

members here should check his music, great stuff!
instant fan.

Why hasn't Ninja Tunes or Big Dada snapped you up yet?
You're right up their street.

You know what to do....:-)...

Or Def Juxx or Rhymesayers entertainment?

You're based in scotland right?

Heri Mkocha
https://www.youtube.com/thearklight

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-14T12:09:45-07:00

Not to stop the love fest, but, do we not have a June-specific thread because no one could come up with a good pun for it?

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-14T13:00:27-07:00

@glukkake - Thank you. (I tried.)

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-14T13:44:16-07:00

June know what happened to me today?

Say it like Rolf Harris and it works...

I'll get my coat...

Got a new shiny - a Sony voice recorder to replace the clapped out memory stick one I bought about 8 years ago - so far, thing is amazing, really lovely recordings, so I can ramble to myself or record musical ideas, or sing in the car etc etc.

Tomorrow I'm off to an awards dinner in london, my magazine is up for two prizes, so will be really chuffed if we get something. Then Saturday I'm off to Brighton for a friend's 40th birthday where we're planning to drink whisky and dance until 3am at an 80's indie night... so yeah, all's good.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-15T06:32:53-07:00

@Arklight: You are very sweet, thank you!

Unfortunately Deff Juxx are on permanent hiatus. Ninja / Big Dada get copies of everything I do but I'm not a big enough success to merit any further attention really... maybe one day! Thanks though, it's really nice to hear that you enjoyed the album. :) If you enjoyed it, check out some of my colleagues at Black lantern Music too, it's in similar territory and has releases from all the producers I work with.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-15T09:00:36-07:00

/facepalm

Nothing to see here.

Good Things MAY Happen: The Vile Hugging Thread

2012-06-15T09:15:19-07:00

New Thread, people.