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: [Closed] OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes May 16th)
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Horrible Warning Si
May 9th 2012
The THREE ACT SPEAKEASY is here for you to vent, to express, and to learn. This is your chance to perform -- but you're also in the audience, guv, and are expected to behave as such. So your skits at the steely Whitechapel microphone will ALL and ALWAYS be divided into three sections:
1: The Boo. The Get-It-Off-Your-Chest. The "I've-Had-A-Shit-Week-And-I-Need-To-Vent". Your chance to scream silently into the face of Internet apathy, and trepan your pressurized consciousness. Deposit your spleen here.
2: The Huzzah. Wherein you tell us something which goes just a teensy way to mitigating the effects of the psychic turd you just laid on our heads. Perhaps it's a tiny hint of hope in an otherwise bleak situation. Perhaps it's an unrelated Thing Which Happened which made you smile rather than frown. Shit, maybe it's just a silly joke. Show us you can cope as well as carp.
3: The Applause. You will choose one of your fellow whitechapellers, from this same thread. Doesn't have to be the person who posted before you - just someone whose story touched you. And you will offer them a word of advice, or comfort, or support, to help them with their own SECTION 1 Whinge. Doesn't have to be much. A sentence, a word, a bloody emoticon - whatever. Just a paltry donation to the art of Thinking Of Others. And try to avoid schmaltz, please, or the Urethral Maggots will feast anew. Circle of life, kids.
Naturally, the first person to respond here is excused from Stage 3.
May 9th 2012
1 The Boo - Work/life has been busy, so much so I haven't been visiting whitechapel much at all. Had a review last week where basically my negative reaction to some bad situations I've had to deal with was the focus. Can't say they were wrong, but I was disheartened to see both my attempts over the last 4 months to be a more positive employee aren't working AND the bad situations I was reacting to weren't dealt with what so ever.
2. the Huzzah. I made a video for the sole reason of reteaching myself editing software I haven't used in 10 years. Video turned out so well, it was posted online and the reference to Kevin Pollak lead him to retweet it AND then Johnathan Katz favorited it. I'm big fans for both those men, so that has really made my day! (also, making the video seems to have started a flurry of video production at work I am unofficially in charge of...so that is pretty cool)
3. The Applause - All of whitechapel! seriously, this is a great group of people, and I'm much happier when I am checking on a regular basis (even if I don't post too much)
May 9th 2012
Nice to see you around, Peter.
May 9th 2012
1) The Boo. I have to break years of sedentary fuckwankery due to my new job. Now I have to cycle 8-10 miles per day and I'm currently on day two. This will take a lot of adjustment. My legs don't work properly. And on my way to/from work I see other cyclist just whizz past and I burn the fieriest hate into the backs of their heads and just want to scream WHY CAN'T I GO THAT FAST, TEACH ME THE WAYS OF THE CYCLIST, DO YOU HAVE GODS THAT YOU PRAY TO THAT IN TURN GRANT YOU SUCH AWESOME POWERS, SERIOUSLY YOU BASTARDS WHY AM I STRUGGLING SO BADLY AND YOU ARE A PERFECT UNION BETWEEN MAN AND MACHINE I HATE YOU
2) The Huzzah. WHOOOO NEW JOB.
3) The Applause. Kudos on the kudos from Pollak and Katz. Hell, kudos all round!
May 9th 2012
Not so good stuff: Fiance just got back from the Doc w/ Lupus-
but not necessarily lupus
) symptoms, so she's in full panic mode. She talked to her sponsor, who at one point was diagnosed with lupus, only to later find out it's cancer, so that helped. She's working until tonight, and I can't exactly call her from my job, so we won't be able to talk through anything other than e-mail until like after 9pm, which is awesome. And she's still pissed at me that we're not having enough sex, mostly because I don't respond to being told she
needs sex, now!
I feel like just because I'm a dude doesn't mean I don't need to be in the mood either. So obviously I'm an insensitive jerk, and apparently I'm too sensitive at the same time, how does that work, exactly? Honestly, I think last night she was just nervous about going to the doctor today, and sex would have numbed her to that last night, and I'm not a fan of using sex to "fix" things.
Good stuff: Celebrated 5 years with the Feds between my current time, and my previous employment with them. I get fancy official federal credentials now, yay!
Also, although I've only been involved with Al-Anon for 7 months now, I've been asked to lead my first group on Sunday. Public speaking is not an issue for me, nor is telling strangers my problems (shocking, I know). But coming up with the right topic and reading is challenging. Luckily, although it sucks my fiance will be at work all night, it will give me several hours of quiet time to work that out. I'm going to a wedding that day, and now I have a great reason to leave early. Always good to have an escape plan.
Applause: Peter Kelley: What, no link to said video? Seriously, that's awesome. I love Pollack, he does my favorite impersonation/celebrity story, it involves Christopher Walken staring at a car he thinks is voice-activated, so he looks at it and says, "
May 9th 2012
Life doesn't exactly show up in Boos separate from Huzzah. Quoth the Bard (speaking through a certain Dane with daddy issues), "Nothing is good or ill but thinking makes it so." Stuff happens and your reaction tells you how to process and file it. Still I could wish for a less shitty week for my friends. And myself to some extent, though that would require being nearly Batman-like in physical abilities and resources.
On Saturday I learned that a friend had been killed riding his motorcycle. I wasn't one of his closest but I have many fond memories of him and it hurt like motherfucker. I'm dealing a lot better now and turning my attention to other friends in the tribe who were closer to John. My best friend, M, is really busted up. She doesn't handle shit like this at all well and last Summer was one of the worst for her (her best work mate, then her dog, then a pal from choir all passed away suddenly). Over the phone she sounds dull, mechanical. She self-abuses and I'm very, very worried about her.
Yesterday my friend's truck was stolen. She lives in Albuquerque, she just got a job a little while ago and suddenly is without her trusty 12-year old Chevy. ABQ had been mean to the poor thing, someone broke in once but found little of value so L was just out the cost of the window. And another time someone knocked out a side mirror. Someone wrote on facebook WTFABQ? which was good for a smile lasting three seconds. But my stomach is in knots still. I can't help her out at all.
Last night a friend who runs her own (heavy) hula hoop business had a really good night selling them and was heading home with a lot of cash in her wallet when someone ran up and literally snatched her wallet out of her hand and took off. S was a bit more sanguine than I would have been but she admitted the police officer flirting with her offered a lot of salve.
Another friend spent the weekend in the hospital. Another friend lost her grandmother, with whom she was very close.... The bad gets so extensive that all I can do is just breathe and observe. Let the facts come to me and sit in my head as I get my own work done and fit in the phone calls and emails wherever I can. I don't have any more RAM to hold on to how bad it feels.
It's May and since the New Year I've auditioned for exactly one voice gig. Pitiful. And in that time I've had a subscription service for audition opportunities, so I've been wasting a ton of money with nothing to show for it. I get so on edge about stuff like that - but always right when I'm far too busy to do anything about it. This month my Japanese class wraps up; at this point all that's left for me is the final. But last month I started working on a play with my theatre company. I did a little dramaturgy (not nearly as much as could have been - but hey I passed along some TRANSMET as samples of transgressive art), and have been stage managing. For the most part I can usually balance two tasks like stage managing and a class. But sometimes the people, individuals from one side or the other demand way more attention. I'm sure it'll shock no one to know those people are usually actors. So at my play I've been having to work hard to appease the demands of one of the actors. They've been demands that are nitpicky and extensive and somehow have taken more time to fulfill than I've ever had to deal with before. i'm used to working with divas, I'm used to working out complex schedules to accommodate a dozen different lives... somehow this cast of five is making life harder than ever. It's been getting so I dread opening my email. Ugh. I'm doing my best. The only thing I can see that would work better is having a ton of money and having a terrific head for facts, figures and languages, and enough toys and physical ability to make it almost seem like I can be in two places at once. Hence, Bat-razrangel, billionaire hug-giver and problem solver and fun-haver.
Or at least I'd have a laptop that doesn't suck.
Silver lining/huzzah: I do like this play a lot, even if it's really weird and morbid. ROADKILL CONFIDENTIAL is about an (in)famous transgressive artist and the attraction and revulsion her celebrity inspires in her family, neighbors and even a federal agent. It's noirish, absurd, creepy and more than a little bit cruel. Hehe. Excellent. The playwrite is bicoastal but currently lives in LA most of the time and has screenwriting credits so, to us at least, she's a celebrity. But more importantly she's supertalented and knows her shit. AND is on hand to give us insights as we progress. Yay art.
Ovations: @keyofslience rock on with your new job-having-self! excellent!
May 9th 2012
SCHLECHT: Wild depression yesterday. I'm going to go get my head shrunk, for the visits from The Black Dog, and the suspected ADD. FEED ME CHEMICALS
GUT: Made Fiction Editor at Weaponizer, which seems to be going well.
BEIFALLSTURM: @Govspy: Eesh--hope all's well.
May 9th 2012
@Peter Kelly - Have you ever seen The Real Deal? It was a two part special on Comedy Central long before they started the televised celebrity poker. It had Kevin Pollak, John Caponera, Allan Havey, John Mendoza, and Robert Wuhl, all getting drunk, playing poker, and telling other comedian's jokes. Maybe it wouldn't seem to great compared to the rash of comedian podcasts and reality shows that we have today, but when it first aired in the mid 90's, it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen, and I loved it. They were telling Dennis Wolfberg jokes (Gooshie on Quantum Leap, if you remember) and it was so much fun. I've looked for it online for ages, but it's one of those things that will probably be lost forever until someone finds it on an old VHS tape and uploads it to a server in China.
May 9th 2012
My mom got me a purse for my birthday (early!) but I'm having her keep it until my actual birthday. It is ... blue and bright green and chipper. I don't Want a new purse, but zebra-purse's zippers are fubar'd, so it's time to get a new one. It was expensive, though :( It's a bagalini or something like that. baga-something. I guess that's fancy? I don't know.
Also got into contact with some people who do service dogs for people with mental crap, and they were nice and helpful.
Also, classes are over and I think I did a good job in both programming logic and web design. My exam before this showed that I can do programing logic, even with a killer migraine, so I guess that's a good sign?
Depression's kicked up very, very bad. My mind is scattershot, as you guys probably know. Next week, however, I got intake for psych shit, so maybe that will help. I'm crazy. Whatever. It happens. Found out my family that I thought was happy and supportive of my progress with it and hopeful career in programming shit really didn't have any faith in me whatsoever and pretty much think I'm fucked if/when anything bad happens. It was a bit of a suckerpunch, and much of the tipping point for my brain. It's like hearing that just flipped a switch I haven't been able to turn off that somehow hollowed out my mind. At least I have internet people keeping me going, as far as they can.
Maybe you can find some nice gigs after the classwork stuff wraps up? Good luck on your exams, if you haven't taken them yet.
I, too, am a slow bicycler. When I bicycle. I've gotten a bit shy about it as having EVERYONE go faster than me makes me sad. Not that I'm coordinated enough to go 'fast' but eh.
Best of luck in keeping up with the bicycling. I'm sure you'll get better over time, and you will soon be zooming along. If all fails, you could probably cheat with one of those motor thingies you can get now-days for bikes.
May 9th 2012
BON: I have a day off tomorrow, I just got paid, w/ a bonus, I had a lovely 6-hour chat w/ some tumblr friends last night about how dreeeeeamy Mark Lamarr is, I'm out of the darkness I go through pretty much monthly (I'm fairly convinced it's hormonal, but I've not had the money to get checked out by a doctor), and I've even been working on crafty stuff, so generally everything is pretty good.
MAL: Past due bills may suck up that nice bonus, and I'm falling behind on stuff like my car tags... and if I sit and think too hard about stuff that isn't me-being-chill or Mark Lamarr's lovely voice or my wonderful fella or kittens, I would probably go all dark again.
COMPOTE DE POMMES: @Roo- *hugs* We need to, like, Skype for 10 hours and you can giggle the entire time and everything will be wonderful for at least a day.
@govtspy- Oh no! Hoping everything turns out okay.
May 9th 2012
Teh lol: Won the IF game competition with
my first game
and got some badly needed monies for that, finally went to see Iron Sky in the cinema, and the summer has finally arrived in Finland.
Teh sux: Taking apart a 14 year long relationship while being totally and utterly broke (two credit cards maxed and an account that says big fat zero) has decimated my plans for the rest of the year. Helsinki is in the grips of a horrid apartment price bubble and finding a place that's even remotely affordable is something I'm not looking forward to. Not to mention figuring out where to get the money for the actual move, fixing the car, fixing the laptop, rent deposit, doctors' and dentists' bills, all the antacids I need while thinking about this. Getting some freelance writing gigs is a theoretical option, but frankly I'll rather fucking dumpster dive than get back to being a freelance journo. Would like to go to my
Fortress of Solitude
to ponder things over, but alas, that went with the relationship. Guess I'll be spending the summer sitting in my overpriced new apartment and spanking it to free internet porn or something. Oh well, game coding, geocaching or writing don't cost that much...
Teh yay: For government spy about becoming a proper minion of The Man. Congrats!
May 10th 2012
@government spy Didn't post the video here cause it didn't feel right....I'm all for self promotion but posting first and including it felt too much like "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!" (that said, See the Around the Net thread, I just posted it there)
Good on you for the Al-Anon stuff. I've got a family member just starting to deal with that stuff myself...which means I suppose I'll be starting to deal with that stuff.
@Rachael Trell - haven't seen The Real Deal but knowing the name, I'll ask around (I work for a tv station, so the programming department might be able to get a screener copy for me) If I snag it, I'll let you know.
@Rootfireember - internet peoples are often the best people...hopefully we can keep you going as far as you need.
@Vornaskotti - I can not wait till I see Iron Sky...I've got a load of people here at work interested in it, and every so often I'll over hear "You HAVEN"T seen the trailer for Iron Sky yet?!" as some one else learns about it. Sorry to hear about the relationship....not sure if it helps, but I kinda have a man-crush on you (and gov spy) or at least your posts.
I've probably said too much.
May 10th 2012
Boo! I frequently get so disturbed by the sheer amount of..stuff in the world, that I feel like I'll explode from the inside out.
Huzzah!! I know the cogs of the universe are still chugging away despite my immense apathy.
Applause!!! @keyofsilence Ha! You certainly tell it like it is. Sometimes it seems like I'm cycling harder, but not going any faster..but with the number of miles you're doing, I'm sure the bike will feel like an extension of your body, and you YOU'LL be the one laughing.
May 10th 2012
- Internship isn't going too great. Can't really go in to details, but...yeah.
- Weight gain! Although understandable since I had two week-long American vacations (Chicago deep dish pizza and enchiladas in LA destroyed me hahaha) I have found myself 17lbs heavier than I was before the holidays. Time to fix that shit.
- LA was incredible. I actually got pretty confident in my abilities within the music industry there, as I was able to hold my own with top execs from various music/television/game companies. Made a lot of contacts and, I hope, a lot of friends.
- Started health regimen. Gym time! Good food time! It's happening!
I was on TV Monday
talking about my site and giving a tasting of four beers to the host. I picked some good beers that I thought were representations of particular styles AND that you could drink comfortable in the spring/summer. The host, who doesn't drink beer much, had a lot of fun and requested to take one of the beers home with her. She also asked me to come back when it was all done. So hey, that's awesome!
- I think that I'm starting to accept the fact that, in Oddbill's words, I am a gorgeous Amazon. Being picked on for my build in younger days, along with, I'll admit, a stupid acceptance over what the media would regard as "beautiful" has sort of made me feel shitty about it all for most of my life. But lately I've been getting that other people find tall strong women as damn sexy and I've been starting to feel good about being a tall and strong woman. I've enjoyed being viewed as that way but fought it a bit on and off. Now I think I'm ready to stop fighting it. Alan's been great in bragging that he has a girlfriend who is "basically Wonder Woman" (because few people know Big Barda, who I love). Bill's words shook me up a bit and it was all topped with, at LAX, a stranger coming up to me, asking how tall I was and saying "Wow. Thanks. I just...think that's hot..." and ran away, which I thought was funny. tl;dr am finally listening to all the people that think I am attractive because I could probably kill them with my bare hands.
@Peter: LOVED the video! Made me laugh!
@GovSpy: Congratulations on being one of THE MAN now! Also I'm sure you'll do awesome at Al-Anon!
@Raz The gigs will come. The curse of a life like that is that the dry work periods are REALLY dry, but a flood of offers then comes in. :)
May 10th 2012
BUENO: Just made an appointment with my GP for a recommendation on a head-doctor. Maybe soon I'll be worthwhile!
NO ES BUENO: I keep running into my scumbag cousin's movie on the internet when I search my home neighborhood. I wrote Working Class Paladin partly as a response; to take back the place we were born, as he showed it, and my family, in a poor light. I want people to know there's good there, and if I have to do so in a wizard-story, so be it.
ME GUSTA: @oldhat: Never you forget how badass you are. not for a second.
May 10th 2012
I think I've finally come to an understanding with my job, and the industry within which it belongs. And it's hilarious, because I'm on the other side of conersations I remember having with mid thirties people in gaming when I first joined the industry in and late 90's. I love videogames. I love making videogames. I don't think the people I work for, or most of the other people I could be working for, even think videogames are the same thing I think they are.
Had a moment this past week where I realised I had to either walk away RIGHT NOW, or accept that this isn't how I want it to be and be a professional and finish this job and then walk away. So I feel like I've actually made a decision, but I haven't really made an official one with paperwork and shit, so there's still plenty of time to weasel out of it.
Despite everything I've had a whole bunch of moments that remind me why videogames are so fucking cool. I have an invite to a '30th birthday of everything that matters about gaming' party which will involve lots of old consoles, old games, old people and hopefully at least drinkable young beer. There's a video you can dig up on youtube where Wil Wheaton does a PAX keynote about how gaming is important, and sometimes I have to watch it to remember why I put up with the crazy.
@oldhat - Anyone who has never heard of Big Barda is someone not worth knowing. And I'm British and first know the character from Gaiman's Sandman... heh.
@Vornakskotti - more game coders! Woo!
May 10th 2012
The BOO -
1) getting fat because I'm stuck at home, still not able to work in Canada. Used to have a physique like a young Hulk Hogan, now look more like King Kong Bundy.
2) eyesight is still screwed up, which is extremely shitty for a fine-detail artist. The only treatment for central serous retinopathy is waiting for it to go away by itself, because laser treatment scars the macula and permanently destroys fine vision.
The CHEER -
an old friend from Australia called me up last week and is coming to visit in a few months' time.
The STANDING OVATION -
@Robin: great news about the professional networking.
@Peter: good to hear from you again. Any chance you'll be free over the next couple of weekends to come out drinking with the rest of the Toronto crowd?
May 10th 2012
@keyofsilence - the biking thing will get easier. Soon you'll be passing some people, while others will continue to pass you. Focus on your breathing (don't even try to control it, just focus on it) and the entire ride will go quickly. (least it does for me)
@OldHat glad you liked the video. It's nothing for my demo reel but I am very happy with it
Also, i've got 2 sisters and a wife and I am still mystified how some women are unaware of their looks. Here is something I would have trouble saying in person due to being intimidated by attractive women. I've met you in real life. You are extremely attractive. not sort of,
. ACCEPT THIS ALREADY.
(Alan, please note I am happily married, please don't beat me up)
@greasemonkey - Time I have can spare these days, cash I can not. If you're hitting the town I'll try to scrounge up a couple of bucks though....I've missed you guys.
I'm feeling a bit like later years Jake the Snake myself (minus the crippling addiction to crack), one of the reasons I got the bike out of the basement. Just keep as active as you can.
May 10th 2012
@Peter: we'll probably be doing a pub meet on the third or fourth Saturday of May, and I'm throwing another Whitechapel party at my place in June. I'm open on the date at this point.
May 10th 2012
The NO. NUH-UH. PLEASE GO AWAY.
Apparently, my current incarnation of "the sads" involves overeating and HATING my body. For no good reason. Just because I can? I don't like it. Not one bit. Nor does my waistline. Also: I'm very poor despite efforts not to be and really need to do some babysitting on top of my regular salaried job in order to afford voice lessons.
Plus I need to see a dentist and have no idea where my dental insurance card is. I put it somewhere safe but who knows where the fuck that is? I mean, really.
The OKAY FINE I WILL TRY AND BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
Positive feedback from new voice teacher, and not just to my face. To my past voice therapist. And I've been drawing again (and kind of like what I've been coming up with?). And even if that all sounds good, I'm just ... it's hard to get me worked up about those things because every time I say "HEY THAT'S KIND OF GOOD" my brain goes "yes, but you suck at like, EVERYTHING else. So cool it." Sometimes it does that in the voice of Sterling Archer, which is actually pretty funny except for the part where it's really sad.
The scrumptious apple dessert that is, all things considered, pretty healthy:
@Oldhat, FUCK TO THE YES. Please start accepting that you're a fucking awesome Amazon.
@Everyone dealing with the sads, please hang in there and do what you gotta do to get by.
@Raz, I'm so so sorry to hear about your friend. Let us know if there's anything we can do.
@Rachael, good luck, and, above all, please take care of yourself. You've got an entire forum of worried mothers here (that goes for you too, flecky. I know you'll turn up in this thread in a bit).
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