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  1.  (10671.1)
    A short DO WHAT THOU WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW affair, before the regular three-act speakeasy thread returns.

    Possibly 24 hours. More likely "when I've sobered-up enough to remember to take it down."

  2.  (10671.2)
    Fuck this day and the horse it rode in on. That is all.

    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012 edited
    Also, fuck double postings because the browser hiccups.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    I haven't shat solid in four days, thanks to this sertraline.

    I'd better be mellow as FUCK

    That and I'm waiting to see the Weaponizer mag. I must master bating breath.
    • CommentAuthorFlabyo
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    Another false fire alarm from the vets under my flat earlier in the week. 4am this time. Didn't call the fire brigade out this time though, just had a good nosy through all the windows, waited half an hour or so, then went back to bed leaving it wailing away until they came into work. I have an emergency contact number, but there was noone picking up.

    Asked them to get it properly sorted this time or it's legal options time. Also sent them my concerns via email to have a written record of the complaint.

    I hope they sort it. They're really nice people that work in there and it's not really any fault of theirs that the engineer they had out clearly didn't find and fix the fault from last time. Don't want to have to get environmental health involved but I don't think I have a choice if it goes off again.

    And because my brain suffers really badly from getting audio caught in it's loop, I didn't get much sleep the night after either as I kept 'hearing' it going off even though it wasn't.

    • CommentAuthoratavistian
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    Iraq/Afghanistian vet friend of mine just asked me to teach him how to meditate and help him write poetry.

    Feel honored. Also worry I'm not up to the task.

    Need whisky.
    • CommentAuthorbadbear
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    There is no point getting all riled up when someone acts totally true to nature and does something predictably annoying. This is my lesson of the day.

    I found out last weekend that a very old friend of mine tried to kill herself and tried very seriously to do so and for one reason or another my other friends didn't tell me until now. So I've got that graphic image rolling around in my head uselessly. Is she fine now? Yes. Can I do anything to help? No because it's too fucking late for that anyway and you can't fix life itself. So I feel like kind of an arsehole for the whole thing even though I didn't know and even though I couldn't have changed a fucking thing about it anyway.

    Gods. I can't wait to get fucking hammered this weekend.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    This working week, there have been far too many occasions when I would have been well within my rights to end conversations with the words "there's no need to be a Prick about it". Just a few too many instances of unwarranted snark for my liking. And my boss got mysteriously ill and had to take the week off work, immediately following a period of annual leave. Again. So glad it's Friday, I need some respite from the whole shower of bastards.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012 edited
    Been feeling pretty lonely for the last little bit, since most of the people I want to hang out and do stuff with are in a relationship (and are thus occupied or complete tools), working to the point where they have no free time or both. This also highlights my own situation of living with my parents an hour commute away from downtown, which sucks. Have been feeling pretty bad about it. Actually had a breakdown over it on Tuesday, but I'm feeling better about it at any rate, I guess.

    Good things happening though:

    - I joined a group that does active and awesome things and has people I know it it.

    - Picked up a 6 pack of Tempest Imperial Stout, a one-off from Amsterdam brewery that I first had on cask last year and it blew me away. Also, for a future Thirsty Wench post I want to talk about aging beers and think that a couple of bottles of that, along with a few others that Alan might be able to smuggle to America for me (Goose Island's Matilda, which can age for 5 years and Dogfish Head's World Wide Stout). Anyways, I went to the brewery and asked the guy at the store how long the beer could be aged for. He didn't know, so he went to get the guy who FORMULATED THE RECIPE AND BREWED IT, who was a nice guy and, it turned out, is a reader of my site. We talked beer for a bit and in the end he gave me an extra bottle of Tempest that had been aged for a year (a six pack came with one free one) so that I was able to do an immediate comparison of this year's and last year's batch as well as age a bottle. Turns out the beers can be aged for up to three years, so...bitchin'. But yeah, meeting a brewer and finding out they're a reader makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

    - Weight is being lost bit by bit. 5 more pounds and I feel somewhat normal and then work towards losing more. Regardless, I'm impressed with how toned I more or less am. Despite being 10lbs heavier than I was last year, I fit in to a shirt that I was unable to fit in to. Still pudge there, but it's TONED pudge, so...yay?
  3.  (10671.10)
    My grandpa just had a colonoscopy and they found a tumour. Waiting on results from a CT scan to know more.

    The bit that pushes it into 'Can't Fucking Cope Right Now' territory is the fact that his wife died in the past few weeks of lung cancer. Mum is simply not coping, and I'm half a world away, feeling totally fucking useless.

    So, doing my best to not think about it until the results are in.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    I've been having a rough week. Quite honestly, been having a rough six months. Things I've kept nicely repressed save for the darkest of hours of drinking have been coming back up and don't want to settle back down. Not sure what to do about it. It's to the point where I know and understand that it's not my fault that these things happened to me and it's all out of my life now - I'm not that same person, and while I have a slight paranoia, I'm pretty good at choosing the people around me from here on out. But I still have so much pent up rage about it that when I'm triggered (as has significantly increased just due to coincidences and probably no longer being in a relationship that required I focus on my partner 24/7 and never have anything wrong with me) I'm now losing hours of my day to just staring off into space, lost in memories/fantasies/etc. I feel on the verge of a breakdown at times and other times I'm just tired of being so broken and am just impatiently waiting for the trauma to wind itself down and get on with my day and workload.
    Never had success with therapy, have little interest in it. I talk to one friend only who knows most of the story. I'm otherwise fine except that walking down certain streets, hearing certain names and when a magical combination of events merge I'll just break down for a week or few. Grah.

    But otherwise I'm having a decently good time. Finally answered all the emails in my inbox that were weeks overdue, had an amazing party on Monday night, have a really awesome event tonight to run and have gotten the kindest outpouring of messages from people all today.

    Plus I ordered myself about $90 of specialty pens and pencils. Fuck yea.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    Uuuuuuuuugh. I hate work and the fucking assholes who order cakes last minute and then bitch when they're not PERFECT and the fucking baker who whistles the verse to Yellow Submarine over and over and never gets to the chorus and the uglyass wedding cake I have to continue working on at 6 am tomorrow, seriously butterscotch orange and royal blue on a wedding cake? and nearly everything else besides the cool otaku girl I work w/ who shares her Slim Jims w/ me. I apologize for run on sentences but I JUST got home and I have a headache, but...
    I got sausage cheese balls in the oven. We're going over to our friends later to watch Supernatural. I bought Kimono My House by Sparks yesterday and spend my entire drive to work playing "This Town Ain't Big Enough For the Both of Us" and "Amateur Hour" over and over; goddamn, those songs are awesome.

    Things could be worse.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    Ugh some real problems and Hard Things upthread. I'm stressed but it doesn't seem like a worthy thing to mention. And yet. Firstly, Vorn, *hug* and I hope the day ends up an up note, & the weekend proves kinder. Glukkake - happy birthday, may it pressage a year that is not only less traumatic but prosperous and satisfying.

    *hug*hug*hug all you people... and Atavastian - yeah that is quite an honor. I wish you well.

    Me... originally I would have hung out until it was time to go to a one time nightclub being held tonight at a banquet room in a hotel outside Disneyland David J - David-fucking-J-of-the-fucking-Bahaus - is spinning. I bought my ticket a while ago... but. Stuff. Have to go to rehearsal. And rehearsal is also getting in the way of attending my friend John's Burningman style memorial. I'm missing a New Orleans style funerary parade with stilt walkers, fire eaters, the whole nine.

    Have to load up my truck for rehearsal. Have to plan out a few days in advance for eating and sleeping. I have less than a quarter tank of gas. Enough to get my to LA, not so sure about getting back. Wish to God I didn't drive a gas guzzler. But I have no alternative. I have about $10 in the bank. All told I might be able to limp home with that, tomorrow night. We'll see. Trying not to stress over. It's not that big of a deal. Utterly survivable.

    Just tired. That kind of spiritual drain that makes me want to hide in my room watching anime all weekend. Hey, I've been catching up on Naruto...some good stuff happening since the new year, reaffirming how much I like the show. But looks like I have to set aside my inner 12year old for a little while. *stress..*
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012 edited
    6 weeks ago I had the tribunal to contest the Work Capability Assessment over my fitness to work.
    Yesterday I got a form telling me it was time to start again.
    6 FUCKING WEEKS! Like my continual, chronic issue will have changed in that tiny time. Plus, the last report contained outright lies about my life.
    Fuck them all, everyone who works at ATOS.

    EDIT - No, can't leave that there after Corey's post. I feel terrible he might have seen it.
    I hope your Granddad pulls through.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    What a miserable fucking lot we've chosen to be.

    Well, smash your morose faces up against this:

    I turned 37 last Sunday (the 13th) and got one of these and I couldn't be happier:

    My Gun

    Fully automatic, tripod mounted, belt-fed with 50 rounds. I've dug in on the high ground and have a shit load of ammo. You pathetic fools don't stand a chance. Bow before your new leader!

    Now... Tower assault and take my flag. I dare you.

    My life is that good now - thank you plastic gun!
    • CommentAuthorhec
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2012
    I had a weird day. I met one of the students in my class to help him write a letter (I'm SEN support in an English language class, but I know everyone vaguely) and felt horribly useless on the bus home. I can write a formal letter for him definitely but the situation's so complicated and wrong and argh. I have a new level of respect for anybody who listens to people's stories all day. It is much more intense than I thought.

    Having a bloody nightmare ordering a Wacom tablet, I went to the bank to do a transfer today because their online system keeps giving me errors but didn't have enough cash in my account to pay the transfer fees. But then I spent £3 on pens + paper which cheered me up. I have two OU assignments to finish, and I still need to book blood tests for glandular fever. Currently indecisive about further study options (I have a month to figure it out and sort the money) but tomorrow afternoon I'm ignoring the situation and getting a lift to the tip. Trying to strike a balance between resting and ruthlessly cleaning.

    Plus side: I met an old teacher on the bus this morning which I think cheered us both up, the aforementioned student bought me a lovely lunch because I didn't want to take money, and I have a Netflix trial that'll keep me occupied until I can go to sleep. I hope that'll be soon.
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2012
    What's so fucking great about guitars anyway, that's what I want to know.
    • CommentAuthormunin218
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2012
    I HATE MY JOB. VERY, VERY MUCH. Idiots and crazy people SCREAM at me all day. I am underpaid (many colleagues are paid 2-5 dollars an hour more), I am STRESSED OUT, and I can't seem to get another job. Husband is out of work, so I cant quit. I am the bacon bearer.

    Its gotten to the point that I am now medicated and talking to a shrink.

  4.  (10671.19)
    Unusually, I don't have a lot of bile to cannon. I mean, obviously, the world's an evil, fucked up place, ruled by liars and charlatans and filled with misery and squalor, poverty and death - humanity teeters on the precipice of its own destruction as Mother Nature weeps, helplessly.

    But my little speck isn't too bad. Got paid my annual bonus, which allows me to pay my partner back for the boiler and clear one of my credit cards. The smallest one, mind, but baby steps... and stops me feeling like I've got my own personal Greece going on. I had to resist the temptation to say 'fuck the credit cards' and run down to the music store and buy a Johnny Marr Signature Jaguar, and that was damn hard, but that's a first world problem.

    The garden is a mess - can't cut it as it's too wet, most of the seeds I put in seem to have rotted due to the obscene weather, and what hasn't rotted the bastard wildlife has fucked up. Found all my radishes dug up this morning, god knows what variety of varmint did that. And the slugs have destroyed pretty much everything else despite a carpet bombing of slug pellets. Even where I've tried to keep things safe in seed trays.

    Partner seems fairly happy, if sick a lot of the time. Kids - both elder girls being picked on a bit, which hurts - proud of my eldest though, she doesn't put up with shit, she winds the bastards up back and doesn't roll over, doesn't make her many friends but she won't take injustice. I like that, she gets it from me.

    Work's been bloody busy, but I've got through it without emotional collapse and kept my sense of humour going.

    And now I have cider, and guitars, and the night.
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2012
    Guitars rewl