Not signed in (Sign In)
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 3rd 2012
    We've had a fright here - an earthquake struck. A gentle one, but it went on for some minutes and we're all shook up - just like the house was. No damage and nothing on the news yet, but we're all apprehensive right now in case there's another one - maybe even the Big One we've been dreading for years.

    @JP Carpenter: I'm really proud that your daughter is now determined not to let the bullies beat her.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 3rd 2012 edited
    Update: the earthquake was 7.0 on the Richter scale, but no major damage was reported because the earthquake struck so deep. I guess that's the Hurrah.
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeJul 3rd 2012
    @JP - just read everything about your daughter. I went through some bullying in school, though luckily it was never so bad I had to tell anyone about it. My first elementary school was great - I was there from K-4th grade. There was one girl my last year who was bullying me but it was just her, I still had my other friends to hang out with and that made it better. 5th & 6th grade got really weird; that was at a different school because my family had moved to a different neighborhood in the city. I had some friends there, but then one week one boy I got along with really well went on vacation, and suddenly everyone turned their backs on me. I went to sit down at a table for lunch and everyone did that "oh sorry this seat is taken" shit. Up until then these were the same kids I had been sitting with for lunch, and seemingly got along with. I still have no idea what brought them to behave that way, just make a 180 in their attitude like that. I do know it had to do with the fact that they all liked the one boy who left for a week, and he genuinely like me, but it was just really weird. Then he came back and people were decent again but it was still weird. One girl came up and apologized to me. I do remember this group of kids being odd in general, though. I wasn't the only one they were aggressive to, they did it to each other, too. Like one time two of the kids came up to me and started shit talking to me about a third girl so that I'd also shit talk her, all for the purpose of being able to go back to her and say that people were shit talking about her. Why? Why do that? And then there was another girl who I and some of the other girls (including the one who apologized to me) got along with in the 5th grade, and then in the 6th grade she ended up in a different class than us and suddenly she was too cool to hang out with us anymore. I also remember there being this other girl who would tolerate me being around her if we were hanging out with a mutual friend, but she would subtly let me know that she didn't like me, but then invite me over to her parties and sleepovers and genuinely be nice to me there.

    It was just weird, but also very unpleasant. That was when I started getting very self-conscious about myself and developing somewhat of an inferiority complex (though there is more to that. My sister is not the easiest person to live with, and depression & anxiety just run in my family), BUT, I did eventually get over it all. Middle school was much better since I found actual friends there. High school was good because I also had actual friends there, including some who went to my first elementary school with me.

    Hopefully once your daughter moves on to middle school she can find a decent social circle, but until then it might not be a bad idea to do what Dorkmuffin mentioned, getting her in touch with people who were also bullied but then came out of it alright. I'm afraid I don't have much advice as far as actually dealing with the bullying as it's happening. As I said, I never told anyone about it because it wasn't THAT bad, and it was over relatively quickly, in the grand scheme of life. I would suggest maybe finding some after school activities for her to get into where she can find some other friends who she will genuinely get along with, so that she doesn't feel lonely and like a complete outsider while this is happening (and so she learns that nothing is wrong with her so much as something is wrong with the bullies). It could also be an activity that helps her get more self-confidence, too. If she's getting physically bullied, why not enroll her in a defensive martial arts class?
  1.  (10721.4)
    @JP - it's quite cheap and technically uncomplicated to send your kid to school wearing a wire. Record the verbal abuse, use it as evidence and threaten to sue; the school will be forced to act.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 3rd 2012
    @JP: finding others who have been bullied sounds like a good idea. I've been looking on Facebook and it looks like there are tons of Facebooks dedicated to beating the bullies. And I once read about a bullying victim who beat the bullies by starting a blog.
  2.  (10721.6)
    @JP- blogging sounds like a great idea. At least it would be more constructive than going mildly crazy in self defense (which is what I relied upon), or running like hell.
  3.  (10721.7)
    Again - thanks all!

    Big progress, the teacher came out to see my partner today after reading the letter - apologised and said how sorry he was that he hadn't seen that this was going on (guess she never said as much to staff as we thought she had). He's promised to sort it, has told her to stay away from the girls giving her grief and will phone us weekly to let us know how she's doing at school and that we can phone him any time if she says anything else has happened. Proof's in the pudding, but they seem to be taking it really seriously. Which leaves us to sort out her behaviour at home as she's using my partner as a bit of an emotional punchbagbut and causing a great deal of stress - can understand why but can't let that go on.

    I really like the idea of blogging - that's really nice, she really wants to be a writer (she's apparently reading at the level of a sixteen year old already), so I'll see if I can set something up.

    @greasemonkey - don't think we're quite at the wire stage yet, but will keep that in the back pocket...

    Think the worst thing about parenting is probably Other People's Children, and Other Children's People...
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2012
    @JP: I'm glad my blogging idea turned out to be a good one (thank goodness for reading lots of That's Life! magazines). Fingers crossed that the bullying problem will soon be sorted out.
  4.  (10721.9)
    @JP Glad to see speaking to the teacher turned out well. Most teachers want the best for all their pupils. Unfortunately children are small people and can be as devious as any adult, working in panopticon blind zones when they bully.

    Hope it gets sorted
  5.  (10721.10)
    I "ahem' knew a guy whose nephew was being bullied by meatheads in junior high. The school refused to do anything about it, so my six-foot, two hundred and fifty pound friend cornered the ringleader after school and threatened to come by and burn his house down with all his family inside if the bullying didn't stop right away. Worked like a charm.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2012 edited

    In a few hours I'm off to Western, UK capital of rehabs. I'm sitting in a messy flat with no hot water, doing this when I should be all prepared for tomorrow. The council, who are pretty shite, said they'd have contacted me by now to repair it, but they aint. Wankers!

    I spoke to the woman who's meeting me at the station. She asked, "Can you give a description of yourself?" I replied: "Yeah, tall, long grey hair - fookin' cross twixt Gandalf and Elric, pet." It's bound to be love at first sight, the beginning of something beautiful and sweet when we meet; I can hear the orchestra tuning-up already. I've not even got an alarm to wake me up, just a trashed old mobile with a ringtone from 1949. Bugger! Someone from NA London (Gor blimey, Guvnor!), is ringing me up mega-early so I can secrete my carcass out of my pod. It's all, "Fuck this shit!" when I wake-up nowadays; coffee and fags and wailing me soul out. I can do a good impression of Steptoe-Fagin, malevolent monster with a hard-on for death.

    I can not mess this opportunity for a new life in the off-world colonies up, oh no! Anyway, I'm all Higher-Powered-Super-Killing-Machine-Spiritualistic-12Step-Recovery- Mad, so nowt can stop me when I got the scent.


    I'll stop moaning, as it's only the assessment thing. I guess it will be like a perverted job interview, and my CV is absolutely brilliant. :)


    @JP: That sounds better. I hated bullies at school, and I tended to punch 'em in the head. Or put itching powder in their underpants, that sort of thing. There were some girls who were harder than the lads, and getting picked on by them was crap; because your not meant to hit a girl...even when they're built like a monstrous brick house. Anyway, bullies are cowards who usually get what's coming.
    @dnewling: I'm glad they didn't have to reactive Charlton Heston to save you from the earthquake. Still, it must have been scary. I hope your all OK.
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2012
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2012 edited
    Here's one method Roald Dahl used when his daughter and her friends were being bullied by a girl named Lizzy on the school bus. He gave his daughter the following rhyme and have the whole class sans Lizzy learn it. When Lizzy tried to bully them again, they were ready:

    Why is Lizzy in a tizzy
    On the way to school?
    She makes such a fuss upon the bus
    And acts just like a fool!

    The bully actually burst into tears and begged them to stop, but they didn't until the bus reached the school. After that she sat quietly and humbly on the bus and didn't bother anybody.

    Note: I'd use this method with caution as it can become a form of bullying in itself.

    @Flecky: thanks for your concern. Yes, we are okay. but the quake has the capital realising that it could be cut off for four months if the Big One does hit.
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2012
    @JP and Flecky, SO MUCH GOOD LUCK!
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2012
    @flecky: Best of luck mate, kick it in the arse!
  6.  (10721.16)
    urgh - daughter goes and puts her foot in it after all that... we've now had two parents complain about her... apparently she scared the living daylights out of two girls by telling lurid and quite graphic ghost stories ahead of the school sleepover, and has had a total bollocking in her own right.

    I despair, I really do... pity the poor teacher who has to sort all this out.
  7.  (10721.17)
    Extending this thread a wee bit longer. There is topical bile still to purge, I fear.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2012
    @Daddy Si: thank you.

    Pity we couldn't unleash some urethral attack maggots on these bullies.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2012
    I finally got my tax return sorted out. If I've done everything right I'm going to get a refund. Hooray!
  8.  (10721.20)

    I've recently gotten an email from the source-of-my-last-heartbreak-fellow. My own fault for poking at his cage, and he poked back. Not in an unpleasant way, mind you. But I get the impression he may not be doing well. And I'm not sure if it's manipulative, or legit, or both. And I'm worried. And I'm not sure what to do about it. I'll always be there for anyone I've truly cared about, regardless of how they hurt me. Maybe that's a fault of mine. And maybe that's dangerous. And maybe I just want what I can't have. And maybe he's the exact same way, and without a reason to stop, we'll both just keep poking at each other. Because as long as we can want someone that we feel we can't possess, we will, because if it's too easy and willing, it doesn't keep our interest and we feel smothered. Ugh. How awful.


    I've been hanging out with an old friend of mine. A lot. Doing that talking-until-long-after-dawn thing fairly often. This is filled with dangerous footing. He is one of my very favorite people, and has been since I first met him over a decade ago. I even had a crush on him, and he on me. We'd remained friends. For the past ten years we'd hardly seen each other due to physical distance, but he remained one of my favorite humans. And now... we live walking distance from each other. So, there have been many many many hours of hanging out and talking. Gosh, I really do love the guy. He's really awesome and one of the coolest people I've ever known. But he'd be a person for keeps, you know? And I've still no idea about how I feel about my previous fellow. But we laugh. We laugh so much.

    Goddamnit, why do women (like myself) end up so drawn to emotionally unavailable moody types, instead of leaping at the awesome fellows?


    JP Carpenter - Telling awesome ghoststories isn't really comparable to being ostracized and physically bullied, is it? Damn, that girl needs a blog! Or maybe she can start making her own auto-bio comics!

    Flecky - Remember to send us your address if you can, and we can send you goodies to keep you afloat! And if that's not allowed, then, well, know that we'll be wishing the best for you!