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    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 6th 2012 edited
    The Boo: A cold virus kept me a bit low all week, but no chance for rest - I had to work. It might have been that virus that's going round and was even mentioned in the paper in the report on winter flu.

    The Hurrah: The cold virus is finally clearing. So now I am going to have a nice quiet time with that Sergeant of Arms & Black Rod challenge.

    JP Carpenter: I agree with Rachael. New energy channels for your daughter will help the problem and restore her confidence. It sounds like she is a creative person and needs channels to express it in. And if she becomes a well-known writer, she will have the final laugh over the bullies. Er, if you do set up the blog, can you point it in our direction, please? I'm sure everyone here will want to come and see it.
  1.  (10721.2)
    I'm not sure it'd be entirely polite for someone to alert a world of adults to his daughter's blog of catharsis, unless she was ok with it, y'know?
    • CommentTimeJul 6th 2012
    @Rachael, of course. I don't think anyone would want that for her.

    However, if she does feel like a little encouragement from adults, it's nice to know that people here are interested in offering it.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 7th 2012
    I've just found out about this film called 'Bully'. This documentary is one of the latest weapons in the war against bullying. It focuses on a handful of bullied students, the struggles of their families to get action, and eventually, they form an anti-bullying movement. At the moment there are only trailers available on Youtube and no DVD release yet. But there is a website
    • CommentTimeJul 7th 2012 edited
    @JP I've been kind of hesitant to write about bullying because...well, I was a victim of it from grades 1-10 and it got pretty bad. I wasn't just teased, but I was kicked, punched, had my face slammed in to a brick wall (a game called "Are you smarter than this wall?" with every answer leading to having your face smashed in to the wall) and ganged up on. And being a little overweight gal who liked to read and tried to impress and make friends, I was an easy target to a lot of jerks. It did get better when I learned how to use words to just take out any potential threats, although I crossed a line where one observation I made led to an unfortunate nickname for the bully which spread so much that he had a breakdown and switched schools.

    Advice I can give is to give your daughter some after school activities to help her get out of a funk that she's in and to channel her depression in to something productive for her. Parents and other adults can do wonders with confidence boosting but, in my case anyways, the opinions didn't much matter because my parents were "supposed to say those things". Getting her to work on something she loves doing will do wonders for her self-esteem and will also give her something to dump all that mental garbage out that won't be harmful. For me I had reading, writing and my parents took me to Karate.

    In regards to a blog, I may have to suggest putting it to private or something for the first little bit. Only because bullies today are a crafty lot, what with their internets and may use that against her somehow if they find it. If/when she gets to a point where she doesn't give a toss if people see it, then put it public.

    Also, although I am a HUGE advocate of fighting back, watch she doesn't cross that fine line and uses her powers to bully.

    Best of luck.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 7th 2012 edited
    Yes, that is a good idea - keep the blog private in case those bullies are lurking, and then go public (if wished) once it's sorted.
  2.  (10721.7)
    Robin, I'm sorry you had to go through that. And to anyone else who's had hassle as a kid. I had trouble sporadically throughout my school years. It was worst from the kids in the street, they didn't like me because my family didn't have a car, because we had a black-and-white telly, because my dad was a bit left-wing, because I had glasses and read books etc etc. The worst thing they did was to persuade a local teenager with learning difficulties to beat me up, a six-foot 18-year-old against a 10-year-old, pretty fucking big of them...

    I think what gets me about all of this that my girls going through is it's just so devious, I'm sure the ghost story thing was calculated to get her into trouble. I don't think the physical side of it's been so bad apart from a few incidents, but the deliberate and coordinated isolation and conspiring to make things difficult for her has been really hurtful.

    Anyway, thanks for all your advice, if she does end up doing a blog (and first we've got to find her a computer she can use), will make sure that it's anonymous and pretty limited, I don't want her getting jumped on in cyberspace as well. I'm hopeful that the school will jump on it now and get it sorted. Re after school activities - She does go to Brownies, with her sister, and I think she has friends there, so that's good. I'm sure she'll come through it fine, she's a pretty tough cookie.

    In added boo, my partner's father is back in hospital on the cardiac ward now, his emphysema seems to be going a new and quite nasty direction. Just doesn't seem to bloody end at the moment.
    • CommentTimeJul 8th 2012
    Boy that I love that got home over two weeks ago has made absolutely no effort at all trying to speak to me since his return. He has my phone number and a sort of temporary phone at the moment, but I've not received a single text or call. Every time I attempt to chat with him online, he immediately logs out. It's more than a little aggravating. When I have had the chance to have a tiny bit of conversation, he's said nice things. But I'm really just feeling like a pest any time I try to say anything, so I've given up.
    I feel like I've treated every other guy like a complete tool for the last 2 years because I had my hopes up for this idiot. And now I just don't even know what to do.
    Also, my ex chose a pretty peculiar time to tell me he's decided he wants to be a dad after all. (Disagreement about wanting children was our main reason for ending it.) We've had a few good conversations over the last few weeks. Being friends again has been really good for both of us. But that decision combined with the fact that I'm still not quite over him just yet and the silent treatment from the other boy that made me sort of unavailable in the first place... Well, someone should probably just remind me of how shitty my ex was a few months ago. Now is not the best time for him to be so nice, because if he gives me a chance, I might do something stupid because of it.

    On the bright side, my meeting with that museum director is finally happening Tuesday. And friends have good things happening to them, so I can smile on their account.

    @JP: That's a tough thing to deal with, but it's so wonderful that she was willing to come to your partner and talk about it. I dealt with similar situations in my youth, and I never told my parents. They were the last ones I wanted to know about it.
    @Flecky: Best of luck, good sir!
    @Everyone Else: You are wonderful and I love you.
    • CommentTimeJul 8th 2012 edited
    (Did a double post on accident. Keep going.)
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2012 edited
    The boo: a few, but I'm not going to talk about them. I want to talk about this and as there isn't a Round the Net thread going, I'll have to talk about it here.

    In the age of the Internet, one person can really make a difference. This morning I read about a lady who set up a Facebook dedicated to the choco-ade, a Griffin's cookie that was popular in the 1980s but Griffin's stopped making it. The Facebook was "sort of just to see if anyone else remembered." And wouldn't you know it - the Facebook got so many likes that Griffin's conducted an official vote on whether or not to bring back the choco-ade. And today the choco-ade came back on sale! There was even an item about it on tv. It looks like the choco-ade is going to be a hot seller.

    So if there's some favourite from your childhood that you haven't seen for decades, you never know what a Facebook might do!

    If anyone's wondering, a choco-ade has a biscuit base, an orange marmalade filling (hence the -ade bit), a dark chocolate top, and it looks like a little chocolate tart. People love to eat the biscuit base first, then pull the biscuit apart to lick the jam from the chocolate.
  3.  (10721.11)
    Been having a lot of nightmares of late, our (mom's) oldest dog died on the 5th due to her heart giving out, and my car had a tire die on me. It's my first flat and I had no clue what to do. You can laugh at me wanting to fix it with duct tape. Anyhow- went out this morning without sunscreen to help deal with that and took the car to the shop to get it looked at and a new tire ordered. Which caused the return of the Dreaded Itchies. Also I work this monday, which is boo 'cause it's Monday, but huzzah cause work=money.
    I will have about 1/3 of the money saved up for my service dog (dog itself) by the end of the week (I hope).
    Also some gooofy scribbly blob comics I did on BC seem to be a bit of a hit. People apparently LIKE being reduced to gumballs.
    dnewling: I will have to try those chocolate orange thingies when they are out in my area.
    Hatter: physical bullying sucks as much as dealling with the verbal and mental crap. My bullies would wait until I was on the way home, and on the other side of the street from the school to beat me up, in view of the teachers. The teachers would say they couldn't do a thing about it because I was off school property. Damn I hated being a kid.
  4.  (10721.12)
    @Rootfireember: Wow, that's nuts. I'm amazed the teachers couldn't do anything. They didn't even tell your parents or anything?
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2012
    Jesus, my bullying experience seems like nothing compared to some of your guys's experience. Not to downplay the effects that non-physical bullying can have, but I'm certainly feeling fortunate now to have never had bullies that beat the crap out of me. Slamming someone's face against a brick wall? Fucking shit. Hugs to you all.
  5.  (10721.14)
    Honestly, Bullying seems like it could make a great Spinning Yarns thread. Although to be honest, what I've learned is that as a child Robin played a game where her face would go toe to toe with brick walls and won!!! If it were possible, I'm more frightened of her now than I was before. If/when we meet, I think I may need to ply her with beer to stay on her good side. But I am universally a coward, so I'd probably do that with most of you lot. pleasedon'thurtme
  6.  (10721.15)
    @trini- the teachers ignored attacks on me in the middle of class, my fifth grade teacher was a physically abusive, violent fuckwit, and there was a lot of bad shit going on at school. Bullying was considered normal, something that would 'toughen you up' as you got older. I actually got put in time-out or detention or whatever the hell they called it, because I told a teacher what had been happening, and I wasn't believed or should have just taken it. My mom knew to some degree; but the school would not do anything.

    -obviously this is where my paranoia of authority figures comes from. :P It's part of what makes the current anti-bullying mindset so amazing to me-- even with 0 tolerance, it's more of an acknowledgement that that shit isn't normal or good for kids, than I went through, where such actions were condoned. Things ARE slowly getting better; but it's a much faster pace than I ever expected to see.

    Childhood Horrors & Trauma should totally be a Spinning Yarns topic.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2012 edited
    @Rootfireember: Yes, the accursed days when schools saw bullying as just something kids do and kids were snitches if they tried to tell someone what was going on. Times are changing, but it looks like we have still have ways to go because those old attitudes towards bullying are still around. I even heard about a school in Japan that actually encourages bullying because it's a school that believes in toughening kids up. So much so that the uniform is nothing but shorts, even on winter days.

    I appreciate your interest in the choco-ade. Here is the link to its Facebook.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2012 edited

    I got to my appointment at the rehab the other day on time, and they did their assessment number on me (which was quite easy.) I perceived (important word, that) the place as being really controlling and strict. Still, it's a rehab; what did I expect?!

    After the assessment, they did the obligatory introducing me to a couple of residents thing. Hoping it would be a couple of mad, twisted punk-bitches with guitars and a look of naughtiness in their eyes who would entertain me with stories of epic barbarity, I Instead ended up smoking roll-ups and drinking coffee in a scabby garage with two of Somerset's good ol' boys...fucking rednecks...justified ancients of the Church of Ciderville...Rudolf ze red-nosed "Oi loik ah bit of si-dar!" yellow-rain dears; lads looked like they were breastfed on the teat of the gin-drenched-whore of Hangoverton, they really did.

    Don't worry: I'm really not a sexist with a bad view of people who live in the sticks.

    Whilst sitting in the staff office, this mad looking skinhead wearing typical crap tracksuit, white trainers and carrying a massive clear bag of tat with "I've obviously just got out of prison: fuck-off!" scrawled on it in invisible ink, was being admitted. Knowing my luck, I'll probably end-up having to share a bedroom with him (if I go!)

    Later, having a few hours to kill before catching the train back to the city, I went for a walk on the beach and examined the wildlife - donkeys!! I would have gone for a ride on one, but they already looked miserable enough. I have to admit, it was nice to see people walking around actually looking at their environment instead of having their eyeballs glued to a IPhone or whatever.

    I'm going into treatment with no support from family and friends, apart from a few people from meetings. I come from the typical dysfunctional family who were never really there for me as a kid, and they now live all around the world. When I made the decision to sort myself out, I had to ruthlessly drop ALL the people I used to hang around with. They weren't really friends at the end of it all, more just "using-buddies", or sick twats that would rather see me in a fucked state instead of being myself. God, I really hate some of them now. The woman I was into is too much of a victim, and that's dangerous for me. I have to struggle with not being a victim all the bloody time, so I don't like seeing other people do it.


    As I said, I could only rely on my frazzled ego and perception to give me a first impression of the place, and I really don't trust some of the judgments that come into my head. I'll probably go there, because if I get too picky I could end-up travelling around the country looking for an ideal of rehab which doesn't exist in reality. I'm definitely going into the detox place in London for a few weeks, but I'm not really worried about that bit, what with only being on a wee amount of buprenorphine now and that being the easy-ish part.


    @Rachael: Yep, I'll put the address up of where I go to. I don't think they'll let me use a laptop or computer for a few months, so if anyone wants to drop me a card, a drawing, a letterbomb, all their comics, pets, cakes, toys, WMD's etc, then I won't mind.
    @Fishelle, oldhat, Morac, dorkmuffin and all: Thanks for the kind words. It means a lot.
    @Bullies: Like lots of things in life, it's sometimes not what happened but how you feel about it that really matters. I had to endure some bullying at school, probably because I'm tall and smaller people may have found me a threat or something. Getting jumped on and having to fight back as a kid was not as bad as, say, when the teachers were giving me shit for things I'd not done. I've seen some extreme cases of bullying in my life, and wouldn't wish it on anyone decent.

    Kafkaesque bullying; the worst!
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2012 edited
    @Trini Naenae: Teachers didn't do anything? Yes, I once read in a teen magazine about a girl who endured six years of bullying. Nobody did anything about it except at the very end, where a prefect who took decisive action in sticking up for the girl and making sure her mum found out. The prefect was the only person to do anything about it. Otherwise, the mother wasn't happy with the way the school handled the matter and took her daughter away. In That's Life! magazine the school just told a bullied girl that she was a 'sook' and she could stop the bullying if she took out her Bible and prayed hard. She was also taken away. And there was a case in the newspaper where a student kept getting death threats, but the school just told him that this would toughen him up. Hmmph, I suppose the police also think death threats toughen people up?

    In general: Despite efforts to have zero tolerance for bullying and change old attitudes towards it, kids who suffer, or even commit suicide because of it still continue, and magazines are still filled with true-life bullying stories. One reason is that schools have become more violent. Increasing numbers of pupils also makes it more difficult to control. Changes in technology have enabled bullying to go technical, with cyber-bullying and posting videos of people being bullied on the Internet. Stress from the recession is probably another factor; the newspaper has reported that it has increased instances of animal cruelty.

    But enough of that; time for some hurrahs:

    I have entered a short story competition, just about recovered from my illness, got the dishwasher and fridge fixed, and looking forward to having dinner out tonight and what the next R&R challenge will be.

    @Rootfireember: congrats on the success of goofy scribbly blob comics!
  7.  (10721.19)
    @Dnewling -thankyou :)
    @Flecky - good luck in your rehab. Been about the sticks a fair bit growing up and know exactly the type of person you mean (Sadly: it's the type I think my coworkers are morphing into. EEK!).
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2012
    @Rootfireember: you're welcome.