Whitechapel - OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-03T01:07:57-07:00

The Rules:

The THREE ACT SPEAKEASY is here for you to vent, to express, and to learn. This is your chance to perform -- but you're also in the audience, guv, and are expected to behave as such. So your skits at the steely Whitechapel microphone will ALL and ALWAYS be divided into three sections:

1: The Boo. The Get-It-Off-Your-Chest. The "I've-Had-A-Shit-Week-And-I-Need-To-Vent". Your chance to scream silently into the face of Internet apathy, and trepan your pressurized consciousness. Deposit your spleen here.

2: The Huzzah. Wherein you tell us something which goes just a teensy way to mitigating the effects of the psychic turd you just laid on our heads. Perhaps it's a tiny hint of hope in an otherwise bleak situation. Perhaps it's an unrelated Thing Which Happened which made you smile rather than frown. Shit, maybe it's just a silly joke. Show us you can cope as well as carp.

3: The Applause. You will choose one of your fellow whitechapellers, from this same thread. Doesn't have to be the person who posted before you - just someone whose story touched you. And you will offer them a word of advice, or comfort, or support, to help them with their own SECTION 1 Whinge. Doesn't have to be much. A sentence, a word, a bloody emoticon - whatever. Just a paltry donation to the art of Thinking Of Others. And try to avoid schmaltz, please, or the Urethral Maggots will feast anew. Circle of life, kids.

Naturally, the first person to respond here is excused from Stage 3.

Begin.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-03T11:01:08-07:00

The boy that I've been in love with for a couple of years now decided that he had to try and hurt me really badly and push me away so as to get me to move on with my life. Because his opinion is all that matters. And actually talking to people isn't the way to go about things. And giving tons of mixed messages then quickly making this decision out of the blue after making someone hope for something good for years is cool, too.

I just can't even. As if being in love with him was a choice, and he could just make it stop.

The garbage disposal at my apartment broke just as I was shoving a bunch of moldy food down it from our fridge that needed to be cleaned so badly. So the kitchen being a swarm of fruit flies and us having to do laundry, I convinced my sister to drive us to visit the parental units for the remainder of the weekend. It's helped. Been feeling little and useless and like I have too much life in front of me. Being at home and in quieter country has helped this not seem so bad. Little is okay.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-03T17:28:20-07:00

The Shitty:
The weekend of the crap-job was exhausting, I have a crap load of dishes to wash and other boring cleaning and grownup stuff. I'm trying my best to ignore the fact that I haven't really been saving money like I should be, because that is also depressing. I do not like the way my body looks. Other such things.

The Pretty:
I finally watched Wall-E and Shawshank Redemption. Both were as at least as good their reputation. I really got a kick out of the 2001: Space Odyssey references in Wall-E. Going through the collection of movies at the library has been fun. I think I need to make a list so I'll remember all the important ones. Or whatever. I'm going to be starting work at my main job at 2pm instead of 1pm, which may or may not be a good thing, but for now, I'm going to put it under good.

The Something that Rhymes with Shitty and Pretty and is about Responding to Other People:
@Fishelle: The boy is an asshole who doesn't deserve you. Unfortunately, romantic feelings are really hard to control. How we behave is another matter. As far as I can tell, you've been giving him distance and doing your best to get over him. While I find focusing on all the ways it won't work tends to help, I have more practice then I'd like with needing to fall out of infatuation, or desire, or whatever. So perhaps my advice isn't that good, as my intuitions in that direction are fairly worthless. Best of luck with moving on.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-03T20:51:32-07:00

The Bad: Employment situation remains unchanged since previous spleen ventings. No call-backs, a couple of e-mail rejections. Not much more to say on that front. I Tried to call The Ex today to say hello and let her know that I'm back in California and got a generic voicemail box, so now I'm worried that something happened to her since the last time she actually responded to an e-mail from me (which was January) and I have no way of confirming she's okay without resorting to some super-creepy stalker behaviour that I'd much rather not, and the worry is putting me into panic shut-down mode. I don't care if she wants to see me or not, I just want to know she's alright.

The Good: I'm moved back to California! Unfortunately had to move in to my dad's while I sort out the employment situation, but it's a hell of a lot better than being in Phoenix. I went to the beach today and swam around in the ocean and was quite happy until the aforementioned attempted phone call.

The Hugsplause: @Fishelle: Seconding Trini: that boy is an asshole. And clearly he is a Boy not even attempting to be a Man. I get the lack of control over who you fall in love with (ref: the endless pining over my ex), but if he's trying to hurt you to make you stop, then he's truly Not Worth It.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-04T00:49:47-07:00

Well, fuck:

Student loans are forgiven when you are considered disabled. Which I am, according to the government. However, it seems the Federal Loan part of the government doesn't believe the Social Security part of the government, and I've got to go through a whole new process of proving my illness, with all new proof. If I don't do this, the federal loan part of the government might very well take my SSI and garnish part of my Disability, leaving me with less than $400 a month to live on.

Also, I'm going to see a geneticist on Wednesday. I'm sort of terrified in a loathing and excited kind of way. Then an endocrinologist on Friday. Then a new spine specialist next week.

Also, my good camera lens died and I've no idea how I can afford to replace it. I have no means of taking good photographs and it's killing me.

Also, I'm really feeling emotionally unaccessible. I dig the fellow I'm dating, we're old friends, and I think he's awesome. I'm just not.... I'm not into cute. I'm not into smoochy. I'm not into being touched most ways most of the time. I don't like being crowded. I don't like someone's face all close to mine looking right at me inches away. I'm really really REALLY fucking trying to be accomodating, but fuck... I find myself quelling my natural responses to pull away and jump and making myself try to enjoy things I really just don't dig. Like standard ways of expressing affection. But he IS into affection and touchiness. I don't want to think that we are just totally wrong for each other, because we are so awesome together in all the "on paper" ways.

I suppose I'm really seriously not meant for romance. I've not had a significant other for .... ten years? I work on a more subtle palette. I kiss when KISSING should happen, not as a replacement for "bye, see you later." Holding hands feels sweaty to me and is pointless. I prefer something quiet and meaningful like leaning against each other shoulder to shoulder.

Booyah!

I had a dream last night were I was at some sort of cafe and there were these painted pieces on each table with amusing phrases scrawled across them as some sort of art object, and they had been created by our own Flecky. That was amusing.

I've started painting again.

I've started going through my backlog of photographs again, and enjoying being productive with that. My TUMBLR is going CRAZY!

As mentioned above, I'm finally going to all the doctors that I'm afraid of/ need to see, and maybe I'll actually get some answers.

I might start a long distance tumblr collaboration with my estranged Sticky Friends partner. I miss us.

Others:

Fishelle, seriously, I don't know what to tell you other than you will, at some point, no longer be in love with the fellow, and it will feel awesome. I had a similar situation, a guy who I was a mess over for years since I was 19. Back and forth, we'd hang out, we'd hook up, then he'd ignore me, then he'd date someone, then I'd date someone, then we'd hook up, then he'd be a dick, blah blah blah. About 6 years into the drama, we'd hooked up, I told him I'd still had feelings for him and probably always would. I didn't hear from him for three months, and then was told by a mutual friend that he got married. Well, fuck. And that was that. I still care about the guy, and now, after another 7 years of hardly seeing him (until he got divorced), we are cool with each other. Yeah, he DID try to get in my pants when we hung out, and I made out with him just to see... and there was nothing. No power. And it felt awesome. And y'know what? Even if you never fall out of love with this guy, there are SO MANY other people to fall in love with out there. So much more to experience.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-04T16:58:51-07:00

@Rachæl Tyrell

What kind of camera lens do you need?

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-04T18:02:54-07:00

@ Kay - Well, the one that broke is THIS, and the one I think I'll try to replace it with is THIS. Time to scheme and hustle!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-04T20:36:52-07:00

@Rachæl

Yeah, there's a lot more flexibility you can get there. Good choice. I was going to suggest though, as a stopgap measure, something I did a while back - adapter rings for old manual lenses off of film cameras are dead cheap, like the $7 sort of range, and such lenses can often be grabbed from thrift stores for next to nothing. I've got a box of them, so if you wanted one and couldn't find one I could potentially send one over. My wife is going to the US on Friday so I wouldn't even need to post it from Oz, I could ask her to do it from New York.

Obviously there's a lot of things you can't do with such a lens but it lets you keep taking pictures without radically altering your digital workflow while you raise the cash for the good lens. And sometimes I've found that having to re-engage with the world of manual focusing can force me to slow down and think and challenge my habits which is never a bad thing either.

Just a thought!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-06T12:00:39-07:00

Me again.

The Good:

I went to one of the top rated geneticists in New York City yesterday. She was awesome. She spent over an hour with me going through my medical history and that of my relatives. It seems that my personal M theory was totally on the money, and she's come to the same possible conclusions that I have: almost definitely Ehler Danlos Syndrome, possibly the vascular variety (or maybe some other more nondescript connective tissue disorder). Therefore, I get the smug joy of being completely justified in my medical theorizing, and knowing that I can lord my righteousness over all those who thought me lazy, weak, or hypochondriacal. Fuck you, I was right!

The Bad:

Well, It seems that my personal M theory was totally on the money, and I almost definitely have Ehler Danlos Syndrome, possibly the vascular variety (or maybe some other more nondescript connective tissue disorder). Therefore, I get the terror doom of having to face a probable diagnosis that will mean maybe five good years left in me (but almost certainly dead in fifteen); a future of ever looming strokes, organ ruptures, heart malfunction, pain, and spinal instability; and the hideous possibility of my lady parts falling out (no exaggeration, I've an aunt who might have to get sewn shut to avoid uterine prolapse, and I'm already showing future signs). I go for an echocardiogram doppler thingee Tuesday to determine whether it's the vascular version, or just a connective tissue version, or perhaps some overlap between the two.

The Others:

Kay, that's amazing of you to offer! I actually went to the camera repair shop that I was recommended yesterday, and they don't service Pentax. Only Pentax services Pentax it seems, and the guy said I'd probably be better off buying a new lens than paying to fix my broken one. So, I'm not really sure what to do. I have a kit lens (crap) and a manual lens I bought on ebay super cheap (crap). I think what I really need to do is get that prime lens somehow. I can't hope to hire myself out without a proper lens, and it's my only real means of possible income.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-06T13:35:55-07:00

@Rachael - hugs hugs hugs. While there must be some comfort in moving closer to a diagnosis, that must be hard to hear. Really hope you get some proper help and answers now and that the terror doom doesn't come to pass. Just seems really unfair that shit things happen to good people. Sucks about the lens too, the feeling of having broken gear, especially broken expensive gear, is horrible.

My own headspew:

The boo

Partner's engaged in battle with car dealer over faulty car. Not what she needs right now, given she paid over the odds for the damn thing, her parents are also being taken to court in Spain by their bastard neighbours who are making a false claim for damages against them. Fuck these people. Am snowed under at work, and the graduate who was helping me is leaving the team with 4 days notice for a role in another one, which isn't ideal, plus people seem to have had a whole bunch of bright ideas this week which all needed doing at the same time. And my boss has been promoted to a new role, which I'm pleased for her about, but quite sad to see her go. And I'm knackered and scattered again and I can't figure out why, or get a grip on how to fix it yet. Oh, and screw the Tory party, the reshuffle of evil idiots has made me depressed.

The huzzah

Littlest daughter started school today. She seems too small, but she's happy to be going and I'm pleased she'll get to see other kids. I seem to be getting on really well with my partner at the moment, I went through a spell of feeling quite cold and emotionally dead, which was horrible and that's lifted. I'm much happier like that, I feel warmer. We did something really spectacular at work on Monday, involving masses of people, which I'm pretty proud of being involved in - still drained from it, but was a great thing to do.

Applause

@Fishelle - guy sounds a dick, or if that's unfair, someone with a lack of emotional maturity. Others are right on this - it will fade, but don't allow yourself to be hurt by someone's games or messing about.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-07T21:39:16-07:00

It's been a while, hasn't it, since I've been here? I just haven't been up to writing the same shit as ever (see NO section for more), but here I am.

YES:
My birthday is Monday. That's pretty cool. Gonna be 25. Not sure what I'm doing, since the fella works most of the day, and my parents are likely gonna be busy planting strawberries (a side-YES there, I helped them w/ that today. I can enjoy my berries a little more this year, knowing I put some of them in the ground), and I don't really friends to do anything w/... But at least I'm not gonna be at work on my birthday for once. And, uh... the fella bought that PSY ep off iTunes, so I can listen to "Gangnam Style" on repeat in my car. That really is a good thing, honest.

NO:
Had a HUGE breakdown the other day. Like, the-fella-almost-left-me-and-I-have-a-cut-on-my-forehead-from-banging-my-head-on-the-door-frame huge. Same problems as ever, but they build and build and I keep hearing the voice in my head call me a fuck-up over and over, and our sex life is almost non-existent because of my stupid brain and my stupid body, and I HAVE to go to the doctor to make sure everything is okay psychically, and I HAVE to see if he can refer me to a psychiatrist. I just have to, or I'm just gonna end up alone forever, and I'm never gonna get over the shit that's making it impossible for me to get out of my own head and be okay around people.
Needless to say, I'm still not in a great state of mind.
The downside of my birthday is that it's making me think of the passing of time, and in turn, making me think about death. Which isn't really good w/ this not-great state of mind.

YOU:
Rachael- I nearly cried, reading the description of vascular EDS. I don't even pray, but fuck it, let's just call it that... I'm praying for you, that it's not that.
Trini- I spent a summer in high school renting out movies I "needed" to see. That was probably the best use of summer I'd ever come up w/. And now I'm wishing I had gone to the library first! So, yeah, it sounds like you're gonna have fun. :)

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-08T09:23:52-07:00

The yay:

I've been extremely productive on the creative side of things lately. Hammered together three short stories and have a couple of ideas baking in the oven, just waiting for the comments from the novel from the copy editor so I can sink my teeth in the third draft, and so on. This makes me a happy panda.

The dive school continues and I just may be able to juggle that and the dayjob, all the signs point to good. I also managed to get a entertainment news writing gig that helps with the abysmal money situation quite a bit, and a 1000€ book translation deal that is actually related to the dive studies.

I've also met and gotten to know some rather interesting people, ladies mostly, and just yesterday I realized that I think I'm falling for someone a little bit. Time to game out what to do with this information, since the situation is more than a little bit complex and for fucking once I'm thinking not doing something totally impulsive. Well, we both have a ridiculously busy couple of weeks ahead of us, so there's time to think things through.

The nay:

So. Fucking. Broke. Dive school is not cheap, still dealing with the move and the related costs, and running out of work fast. I have some stuff lined up for next year, when this gig ends, but being once again in a situation where I have to start sending out work applications really gets on my tits. Like, fucking really. I can has some semblance of predictability with employment, plz? Well, I guess I should be grateful to have any kind of a job.

The... umm, thou?

@brittanica: Happy birthday, and damn - that sort of shit is tough to get through. I hope you get a good referral from the doc and get it sorted out to be manageable.
@Rachel: Shit, words fail me. Wish I could mail you a hug.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-09T11:49:00-07:00

Jesus, Rachæl, that's... that leaves me at a loss for words.
I hope they're wrong. I wish you lived closer so that we could go out for dinner and talk.
I'm bad at posting on the internet.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-09T15:48:10-07:00

BOO:
- recovering from the kidney surgery at home. Will be a few more weeks before I'm able to go back to the normal routine of life once again. Morale isn't being helped by the fact that I have a small pinhole in my incision which bleeds like a motherfucker any chance it gets. Waking up in the mornings in a pool of my own blood for four days straight is kind of getting to me. Still, have been assured that it will heal soon. Also annoyed at many of my friends who said they would contact me seeing how I was doing and haven't. Feel rather hurt and recovering at home is boring as hell.

- While washing up I broke down and cried for about 15 minutes over the fella, who I haven't heard much from since he told me that he's taking a break from things in order to fix himself. I understand it all and look forward to seeing him feeling better, but I just miss the hell out of him.

YAY:
- The reason for the surgery, which was to look for something possibly scary that would require a lot more hospital visits, came up empty. I'm as healthy as a horse on vitamins.

- Have seasons 2-5 of The Wire as a get well gift from my aunt and a friend loaned me every Star Trek series ever made. So I'm definitely not short of viewing material.

- I can drink alcohol again! Have a few craft beers that I was saving up. Looking forward to writing in The Thirsty Wench again. Have a comic/beer pairing post to finish.

- Family has been amazing. After years of living together more like we were roommates, it's nice to know that our love for each other breaks that and we step up when one of us needs it.

THE OTHERS:
@Rachael, Jesus...I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope the diagnosis comes up with something more positive and that you have many more years ahead of you. That's just godawful.

@Fishelle, What a fucking loser that guy is. Fuck him. He sounds like an emotionally immature dickwad. If he needs to play games instead of just talking straight, he's not worthy of your attention let alone your affection.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-10T07:56:44-07:00

AYE: Turned thirty-eight goddamn years yesterday, am gearing up to visit good friends in NYC Friday

NAY: I'll just come out and say it: I've got the shits.

YE: @Rachael-Christ, that's awful. Please keep us posted. @oldhat-glad to hear you're on the mend. @Fishelle-dudes like that are not worth your energy.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-11T09:34:39-07:00

The Boooooo:

It's been a mountain of shit recently, and I won't get into specifics on account of NOT HAVING ANY BLOODY TIME (typed because I couldn't say bloody without sounding like a fool but here it works beautifully), but reader's digest version:

Boss, work, wisdom teeth, braces, dental insurance is a crock of shit, money money money, work, the sads, not exercising/singing/making art enough.

The "okay this is not enough but I WILL TAKE IT and CLING TO IT DESPERATELY"

I got a photo pass for a show I had passed up on account of trying to save money. My other bosses are being incredibly nice about the aforementioned boss thing. Singing kind of?

All Y'all

Rachael, echoing what has already been said, keep us posted. We're all hoping/praying/whatever each of us do that you get better news.
Oldhat, sending mending energiezzzzz yo' way.
Fishelle, fuck that dude and the horse he rode in on. NOT worth your time, and you'll end up fabulously after a little bit of time.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-11T20:36:48-07:00

Fuck:
The job that I love, which is a small family business, a really wonderful family who like actually deserve to have good things happen to them, best bosses I've ever had kind of people, so on and so forth, well, they're going out of business. Between the economy going to shit in 2008 and some bureaucrats not getting their asses together and taking more than 5 years to get some legislation etc through so small businesses can afford to sell food across state borders (like Duluth and the Twin Cities), they've been foreclosed on, and the lease they'd have to do to keep the building (and thus the business) is no where near affordable, and the investors/developers who have been interested and considered it have wimped out. How these people keep going with such positive attitudes with all the bad shit that has happened is beyond me. It's heartbreaking to see something that is so important to them go down the tubes.
Yay?:
I have a second job already and can get more hours. It may be a shitty job, but it's a job. I'm fairly certain the other workers will be able to find jobs and whatnot. I'm sure that everyone will survive, financially speaking. I'm emotionally stable enough and have therapy to help me through this, etc etc. It could be worse.
Y'all:
@Rachael: Holy shit. Hugs? Or tea? Chocolate? That's some scary stuff to be dealing with.
@DavidLejeune: I hope you get a job soon.
@Brittanica: Yeah, the library has been surprisingly amazing. I hope you get the help you need with the stuff that caused the breakdown. *hugs* Breakdowns suck.
@Vornaskotti: Have I ever mentioned that your name sounds really cool? It sounds really cool. Glad you've got some awesome creative stuff going on, hope your money problems get sorted out sooner than later.
@oldhat: I hope your friends get their heads out if their ass and visit you like now. At least your kidneys are healthy? Glad to hear your family is being pretty cool.
@Fauxhammer: Happy Belated Birthday!
@dorkmuffin: Hugs! Sorry to hear all the bad shit. Especially the dental stuff. Seriously, dentists freak me out. But yay photo show!!
@Fishelle: Well there ya go, at least six people think that guy is an ass. I suspect there's a bunch more who think that, and they actually have to be around him and stuff.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-12T22:22:03-07:00

@trini:

Hah, thanks :) I assume you mean the real name, not the forum nick? I've always wondered how that sounds to a non-Finnish speaker :)

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-14T14:01:16-07:00

@Vornaskotti: The forum nick, actually. But Janos is probably fun to say too.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-15T10:15:08-07:00

The Jesus fucking wept

Still locked in battle with moronic , dissembling car dealer. I've got involved now, as my partner was getting very stressed by the whole situation. I'm not really much better, I can deal with salespeople, but dealing with monosyllabic imbeciles who make plankton look like the Renaissance and can't grasp basic concepts like the "car has to work as it was advertised" is making me struggle slightly. I mean, when they say stuff like "well, it is a second-hand car," and you have to reply "yes, but we have a perfectly reasonable expectation that it will be working when we pay five grand for it." you start to wonder how these people stay in business and don't get assassinated more often. We're screwed, living here, without two cars. Hate that from both an environmental and cost perspective etc, but it's not really viable for me to get to work on public transport (four hours plus commuting a day is bad enough with out it being six). And my partner can't get the kids to school without a car, being seven months pregnant. So when one doesn't work, it makes things really tricky.

So I've got them to agree to repair it, and even to apologise for being all round shit, she was all for driving over there this morning and making a massive scene in the showroom, but diplomacy prevailed.

Bloody long hard week, have been necking scotch and coke with handfuls of valerian tablets to try and defuse the built up stabby. And still haven't regained the ability to do anything creative, whether writing, photography or music. Which is really, really getting to me now, just feel like my mind's gone into a big, flat, drab mush. And I don't know how to break out of it, it's been months. Tried to set up a 'Getting Things Done' system the other week and it's just made me way more confused and scattered than I was before I attempted it.

Mother-in-law is in Spain, in court on Monday, to find out if she's going to be shafted by her neighbours. Not nice, they've been outright lying bastards.

The Hallelujah

My eldest girl was 10 on Wednesday. Can't believe it. They grow up too fast. She may be the stroppiest little cow on the planet, but I love her to pieces and am very proud of her. Littlest on had her plaster off on Weds as well - finally. Will take some time for the arm to get back to normal but I'm glad she's free of the cast.

The Blessings

@trini - really sorry to hear about your job, always sad when a business fails especially if it's run by good people.
@britt - happy birthday for Monday. Breakdowns indeed suck, look after yourself and remember always that they pass.
@oldhat - glad you're on the mend.

@all - stay cool

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-18T13:56:26-07:00

The BOOYAH
Theatre up the wazzoo... A weekend away in the mountains with my theatre company. We invoked Dionysus, invented theatre on the spot and drank and drank and drank. And then spent a week dreaming up possibilities for the next company-devised plays (we insist on new/unknown works and creating our own plays), and right on the heels of that I landed a new stage managing gig. So full of creative work to do!!

the BOO
I'm so full of (creative) work to do!! And that means nothing for getting bills paid - in fact this usually means more expenses for me - no work on pushing forward the career, little time for personal maintenance like cleaning around the house, exercising or eating properly. Yikes. I always make it through somehow, but it's always somewhat painful, stressful and at the other end I see how much time I didn't spend working on the things I said I would. I mean, if nothing else, I have to pay back my mom for helping me out with classes and such that are swiftly going to waste. Discipline is not my strong suit. When I was younger I made up for it by working long hours...but I'm not young any more.

Grr

the SALUTE
@Britt I know it's not any consolation when Bad Brain is in effect, but I gotta say - Gosh! what I wouldn't give to be 25 again! A faster metabolism, more energy, a body that sprang back from fatigue and injury in no time... and chances, chances everywhere to do anything! Beginning at anything at 25 only feels like a trial when you're 25, for the rest of us who vaguely remember it was that age that we squandered not thinking about the things we might want to do.... I wish I had thought about voice acting and tried to pursue it! I wish I had realized that I was depressed because I was working a dull dead-end job that I wasn't interested in turning into a career. Instead my life was all depression and making due and listening to toxic people who only validated me and never inspired me to leave my comfort zone.

I know it's hard to impossible to enjoy where you are when Bad Brain tells you how much you suck and everything sucks and nothing is pleasant and you don't want to do the things anyone else wants to do... and so I definitely think working with a psychologist could help. But if you only even understand this intellectually, please do try to understand: You are beautiful and powerful and capable and a point in your life where you really can do all the things. So I suggest you work out WHO you want to be and bend your every effort to become her. *hug* It's gonna be marvelous. }:>

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T05:46:32-07:00

Yes, Yes, Y'all:

Had a marvelous weekend in New York. Met up with some good friends, including my writing partner, whom I've never met, we ate like kings and drank like scoundrels. We hit Forbidden Planet, The Strand bookstore, and Obscura (as seen on Science Channel's "Oddities", and we got shitfaced at an Applebee's where I had a mojito in a pimp glass. I had a taste of cheesecake from this famous cheesecake place, and it was like making out with the Blessed Virgin. Really, really good time.

Hell naw:

I left my Weaponizer hoodie behind.

Shouts-out:

@razrangel: Having a lot of work to do is awesome. You never get bored!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T09:02:58-07:00

THE AYE

Nearly finished the novel. So close I can fucking taste it. Spent the weekend at a literary festival and managed to blag a few minutes with publishers and agents.... we'll see what happens. Have applied for some jobs that I a) might get and b) actually want... lots of opportunities in the not-too-distant future for the label, and for musical collabs. Seriously, the next three releases lined up on Black Lantern make me extremely happy in my pants. Cutting-edge bass madness, Depeche Mode-style electro-angst, and more Lovecraftian hip-hop... Just got confirmation of my final marks for my Creative Writing Masters - a Merit (that's a high 2:1 basically, one point off a First, so I'm pretty happy with that). And last night I saw El-P live, he's been my favourite rapper since 1996, so that was tremendous. Two tracks in particular was like being chewed up and spat out by a gigantic industrial spider and then launched into the future via some sort of Grant Morrison-style timesuit:

then

THE NAW

Still not enough freelance work coming in to pay all my rent and bills, and the process of applying for benefits to help me through til I'm up and running is both complex and slightly embarrassing. I've never claimed any kind of benefit before and I'd rather not start, but I also need to hammer at all the opportunities in front of me, paid and unpaid, and that's a lot harder to do while working full time somewhere unrelated. Just have to hope the job applications pan out, and give me a solid base to work from, as opposed to relying on government handouts. And figure out when to say 'no' to projects where there's no money involved.

WHATUP DAWG

@Fauxhammer - I'm sure it will find a good home... I kind of like the idea of it ferally roaming the New York streets, looking for victims. (Happy belated birthday chief!)

@Fishelle, @David Lejeune, @Rachael Tyrrell - hugs and sympathy, this too shall pass

@brittanica - Happy birthday mate! Good luck with the doctor, hope it goes well, keep being brave

@oldhat - Get well soon mate, glad the surgery was a success and you're all clear!

@everyone else You Are Beautiful At All Times

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T13:08:47-07:00

@Texture: congratulations on your novel! I'm working on one too and alsy trying to work out entries for a short story competition. I know the feeling about benefits, having had my share. My best advice would be to look on them as 'a safety net'. A lot of people do and I have done it myself, though I have known the stigma of being on a benefit. And some people think welfare beneficiaries are bludgers?!?

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T16:37:24-07:00

@dnewling - Bludgers is a quality word.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T18:25:45-07:00

CRAPPY!

My mom had a fall last week. She's 78, 84 lbs., not sure about the state of her vision (she's had cataract surgery in both eyes. She's also had, and gotten over, in order, a stroke (like twenty years ago) and lung cancer (like ten years ago). Obviously, her balance is fucked, too. This is not good, in any way. Luckily, my nephew is awesome and he and I help out. My dad is worse than useless so there ya go. You know how some people love their family? I don't have that kinda family. My brother recently came out via facebook (I know, right?), one sister has MS (the good one) and my estranged sister, whom I have not seen in thirteen years, has recently rejoined the family. But not too much because we are Lace-Curtain Irish (I myself am 10th generation - I have relatives who were involved in the Underground Railroad, apparently), thus putting the "fun" in "dysfunctional". So if you love your family, more power to ya but frankly, I don't get it. Other than my mom and my nephew and my sister. Alla rest can go piss up a rope.

HAPPY!

I have relatives who were involved in the Underground Railroad. This' fucking awesome and I already have an idea for a cracking good screenplay that is The Old West On The Sea. One-eyed Negro Slave-Catcher Bad Guy. My Great-Great Grandfather, Ship Captain at 25 years old, youngest on the Great Lakes. Ferrying "cargo" like Han Solo In A Boat. Just starting it but FUCK ... it's good. It's real good. Plus, I'm still banging away at the novel and THAT'S becoming tight. So sick, so tight. So sick and tight. So there's that. Also, drinking (slightly) less and smoking less, as the recent influx of movie stars has denuded the town of any cannibanoid.

AND NOW, THESE MESSAGES

@fishelle - the BEST PART will be when, in six months, YOU are awesome and going strong and HE is a bag of shit in track pants, crying into his Doritos or anyone who will still listen to him. That's what happens to boys who realize ONLY LATER the magnitude of their fuck-up.

@ Rachael - aw, honey. If only I could make it all go away. Or get ya free health-care.

@oldhat - you okay? The Thirsty Wench is invulnerable, right? I'm not just saying that because one of your punches could light Las Vegas for an unspecified amount of time. Maybe the fella just needs to work on some CIA shit.

@ everyone - I fucking love this place. Been reading a lot of hateful comments about a lot of shit lately but this is the ONE PLACE one can come and just chill out and talk to cool people. Whitechapel has enriched my life in so many ways and I've missed it, been away a while. I hope ALL OF YOU get what you want and need, now and forever.

EDIT TO ADD, at the risk of offending some Atheist Muthafucka -

"Amen."

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T18:34:18-07:00

Patrick, <3.
Send me some novelz. I love your writing, and I wantsta see.

Also I have a small pile of comics that I think belongs to you, in my apartment in Toronto, where I no longer live, which is in my friend's custody. I'll be back early- to mid-October, if you're free. You still have my number and/or email?

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T19:06:45-07:00

@ allana - Yes, MURDER CAN BE FUN and other titles. I'm in no rush but it'd be great to see youI'm sure we'll be in touch. Novel? When it's ready, you're on the reading list. Don't judge a book by a cover it does not yet have.

How did you like MURDER CAN BE FUN? (Which is an indie comic that's right up most Whitechapel people's alley, if you can search it out.)

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T19:57:12-07:00

Want to grab a beer while you and Patrick are in town, Allana? Lucien would probably be down for a pub night as well.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T19:58:55-07:00

TORONTO WHITECHAPELLERS! BEST IN THE WORLD!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T20:21:49-07:00

BROOKLYN, BITCHEZ.

Or something. I only live here. I don't really belong here.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-19T21:56:49-07:00

Where do you belong, dorkm'fn?

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-20T04:34:22-07:00

@JP - Hooray for feeling warm! Regarding feeling artistically dry, my inspiration always gets jump-started when I have to make something for someone. So, make your wife a gift! Make it an awesome surprise that she'll totally not expect. Or something for your kids. Or something for someone online who isn't expecting it at all. It's so much harder to do something for ME than it is for someone else.

@Fauxhammer - Hooray for Forbidden Planet! The new location, eet iz nice, no?

@Brit, JP, Vornaskotti, Warped Savant, Oldhat, Fauxhammer, dorkmuffin, trini, texture, mister hex: Thank you so much for the kind thoughts and words.

@texture - Do not feel guilt about taking benefits. You are having a rough patch, and know that you have things on the horizon. You are EXACTLY who benefits are meant to be for, people going through an unforseen rough patch. Just because scammers and layabouts give it a bad name does not mean that you should feel lesser by using them. That might be a very American way of me looking at things, though.

@oldhat - I'm not sure how I missed that you were having surgery on your insides, but egad! Feel better! Mend well! Revel in the badass scar that will result from the healing!

BAD:

I had to cancel plans, and I really hate it. It's so rare that I get to feel useful or feel part of anything, and the idea that I had schedule conflicts really upsets me.

I had my echocardiogram last week, but I'm still waiting for the results, so I'm in health limbo.

My neck is killing me constantly as is my right arm, and the headaches keep attacking.

My only good camera lens is busted, nowhere in New York repairs Pentax lenses, and I was told that I could buy a new lens for the amount that it'd cost to fix it. I'm feeling rather artistically starved.

I'm drowning in money woes.

I'm still pretty thin on IRL friends. It's hard to make friends when you don't work, are broke, often sick, and hardly ever drink.

GOOD:

I'm really really happy with the fellow, and slowly getting used to the idea of not being such a "don't touch me!" person. He's awesome. We're awesome. He brought me to my very first proper punk show last week. (Coitus, I believe.) It was lovely! Everyone was having so much fun! I seem to have passed the friend test, which makes me happy. Gosh, he's awesome.

I got my student loans pushed off for a year so I can get the medical evidence that I need to get a disabled reprieve.

I got some cortisone/marcaine injections in my shoulder, and it's such an improvement!

My best friend treated me (and invited the boy along) to eat some caps n stems and go see Amon Tobin's amazing cube projection tour thing, and it was AMAAAAAZING.

The same best friend is bringing me with her to New Mexico in a week and half. She's paying for my plane ticket and other transportation so I can drive back to the East Coast with her. I'm so excited! I've not been on a plane since 1995! I've not been anywhere that wasn't for a family reunion (aside from a weekend in Chicago) in nearly 20 years!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!!

I posted on my tumblr to ask for tip-jar donations towards a new lens, and people have been kind and done so! I'm kind of amazed! Maybe I'll be able to get a new lens in time for my road trip!

Oh, and two awesome photographers that I don't know started following me on tumblr. AND I got over 300 notes on one of my old photographs over the past two weeks. Yeah, it's of my bottom, but whatever! Wheeee!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-20T05:22:22-07:00

@Rachael: I'd never been to the old one, but this has supplanted Chapel Hill Comics as The Best Comic Shop I Have Ever Encountered. And then we got shitfaced.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-20T08:34:57-07:00

THE HOUSE OF PAIN

Damn, troops; I've missed you all. I'm sitting in a bleedin' I.T. room in Rehabsville. The place: The Nelson Trust (check out the website - 'tis crap.) The locality: Stroud, Gloucestershire.

After nearly collapsing with the flu-plague (seriously), I was "dragged" to City Roads Detoxification Death Camp. Mein Gott! The story I could tell is rich with piss-stained walls, hard-drinking junkie women battered-to-fuck from abusive partners, me sitting all a wailing-and-a-crying, giving it: "I'm mentally fooked, I'm a Satanic bastard, I'm Insane! Give me some knock-out juice, you staff buggers!"

And they did, placebo style stuff and balm on the body and shiatsu massage and Indian head-rubbing and other assorted complimentary reality-wank that left me all tucked-up in my pit at night, coming-off the Subutex.

I hate this place. I can hardly walk, legs fragged from cramps, chest a wheezing bag of ruptured bile. I got "healthy addicts" busting my balls, sitting in circles talking 'bout the alien concept of feelings and other such human stuff.

I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! Early recovery is a hideous mutation...

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

9-days-clean, and this time it's proper; no sly pills, no sleepers. Freaking hardcore. Doing the day at a time thing, to stop me leaving this place. It's meant to get better, so...

NO TIME:

Seriously, I got a kid waiting to escort me back to the housing unit, so I aint had time to read anyone's verbage. But you guys know I love ya, so I will return.

Stay strong, bastards!!!!!!!! ;0

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-20T10:04:33-07:00

Bad Times:
My brain's a fucking mess right now. I stopped exercising and eating right again. All it takes is a break in routine for me and I spiral into bad habits again. It invariably ends up with my anxiety and depression skyrocketing. Pisses me off, because at the beginning of summer, I was in really good shape! It's all so dumb and irritating at the same time. It takes it's toll on me at home and work. I'm not the best partner, dad, friend, employee, etc. when it gets bad like this. I'm sure lots of folks here know the feels I feel.

Good Times:
The above is not insurmountable. I know this. I went for a walk/run with the dogs this morning for the first in months. It sucked, felt familiar and comforting, and was invigorating all at once. Every time I start exercising again, I wonder why I stopped in the first place. I'll get back on track, one step at a time, almost literally.
I had a fantastic summer spent camping, kayaking, PAXing with friends and family. I think I'm actually looking forward to autumn so I can slow down for a bit. It's probably time to focus inward a bit and get back on track anyway.

Shared Times:
@flecky - You amazing bastard! Your brain spew never fails to make me laugh and put things into perspective. Hoping the rehab goes well for ya.
@Rachael - Likewise, your ability to persevere in the face of your medical issues is genuinely inspiring. And you keep making stuff!
@Every Last One of You - You people make things and I love you in your faces for it.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-20T12:16:53-07:00

BLEGH

- Recovery is still a very boring thing. Need entertainment. Need comics. Need something to keep my mind from going numb. Lack of people around means that by the end of this I'll have to do some big work on my social skills.

THERE IT'S OUT NOW THANK GOD

- Got out a Thirsty Wench post, where I do a comic/beer pairing. Writing it felt really good to do as it's been a while. Pleased to see that it kind of exploded and the spreading around of it got me some new readers.

- It's getting cold out now. Thank christ.

GOOD JOB
@flecky, keep fucking rocking it, flecky! Glad you're in rehab and 9 days clean with no chemicals to ease in to it. It'll be tough as hell but you'll come out of it as one hard motherfucker who did it. Hoping for the best.
@hex Yeah, I'm fine. Have been limited to only fighting Nazis two nazis at a time though, as I'm still recovering. And hey, a relative in the underground railroad? I bet he was the drunk, chainsmoking loud one. :P

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-20T15:15:32-07:00

YEEEAH FLECKY! 9 DAYS! A NEW RECORD! You go man.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-20T18:17:07-07:00

Flecky = King Ov Whitechapel

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-20T18:57:19-07:00

Fuck, I need a hug and there are no warm bodies around.

No good right now, just autumn blues.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-20T19:22:32-07:00

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-22T05:30:53-07:00

@ oldhat - you need comics? I got enough comics to open a store. I'll even deliver.

So, yeah. My great-great grandfather, the Underground Railroad dude? Found his obituary online and it's fucking hilarious. "Early life, bla blah, accomplishments." Next paragraph? "And then he retired. THEY SKIPPED OVER HIS ENTIRE CAREER. In his golden years, he used to sit on his porch and rail at what he called "damn mechanics" - ie men who went to sea in steam ships instead of sail. "None of them know a damn thing about sailing." Also, his wife, my great-great grandmother? Married at twelve (!) and jumped off a kitchen table to induce labor so her child (not her first child - her third) wouldn't be born on July 12. Delivered the baby herself. My family is FUCKING HARDCORE, I tellya what.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-22T05:54:56-07:00

The yay:

I'm having the time of my life in the AESD research diver school. Last week we had a day long water rescue and safety training and... wow. Let me just copy and paste some bits from my G+:

Sep-10:

"Crash position, ditching ditching ditching!" - and then they flipped the simulation one man chopper upside down in the water and it was time to find the seat belt and escape. A day in a storm simulator pool with wind, rain and wave machines, practicing bailing out of a ship by jumping from ~5m and scooting down a vertical chute, paddling and operating life rafts, climbing nets and rope ladders, and being airlifted to a helicopter simulator with a harness, being blown around by the wind machines. "Most people die within five minutes of a maritime disaster to a cold shock, so let's just spend five minutes floating in this +6C pool. Sauna and to home. I'm going to go on record with this: THE. BEST. MONDAY. EVER.

Sep-20 :

I think this day overdid it a bit. In the afternoon the fighting swans were kind of awesome but the double rainbow mostly over blue skies was maaaaybe a bit over the top at the same time. Just back from the night dive: standing on the deck of the ship under such a bright sky that it was hard to make out the constellations because of the sheer number of stars visible; the lights of the divers flickering underwater and the artillery fire of the nearby navy base lighting up the clouds in the horizon.

On the dive I bonded with a perch. We went on a hunting trip: I pointed my light at shrimp and he ate them. After the third one he got angry at my light and started poking it with his nose. Since my policy is not to take shit from fish smaller than myself, I cut him off and continued with the science.

On some level I've known since I was a kid that what I'd want to do is some sort of underwater biology, and this school has really proved it that I've been dodging my dream vocation throughout my adult life. Well, better late than never. As a nice bonus round, I told the guy who runs the research module about my idea for the practice research I'd like to do in the school. He perked up when he heard the idea, and ended up pitching it to the rest of the class as real world research that badly needs doing because of some EU regulations, plus there might be a book and a documentary tie in. Everybody was interested, so uh wow - I guess it's time to start applying for research grants to do something that combines a ton of things which I consider to be interesting, cool or both O_o

Fucksticks:

Money. Bloody money. I have no idea how I'll manage to pay for the school, and there's some trepidation about stuff like loan payments, rent and so forth. Also, no fucking clue as to where I'll be working next year. There are some things in the air, but everything is in flux. A windfall of a few thousand euros would be just the thing right about now.

Also, the sad fact is that my dream vocation has really bad employment prospects. There's an overabundance of biologists out there, and if you have a PhD, you just might scrape by with a 2000€ per month income and chained few month work contracts. Well, them's the breaks. I'll rather be broke doing something I love than whittle my soul away piece by piece. It's been worn quite thin in the last few years as it is...

Shout outs

@Flecky, you magnificent bastard, you'll pull through!
@texture - Congrats for the novel!
@trini - Bollocks about the work :/ About the nick thing, Vornaskotti is a nonsense word in Finnish, it's something my parents used to call me, like a "rascal". Probably mangled it from iiskotti, which is a nasty child or a hellion, and Vorna, who is a Carelian mythical hero.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-22T23:23:27-07:00

The Boo: There is one that's been plaguing me for days, but it's not appropriate for me to talk about it. I shall just have to hope it works out.

The Hurrah: I am sending off my entries for a short story competition tomorrow. And I was just about ready to give up on that mushroom making kit, but now I think it is finally stirring. I shall wait and see if there will be any mushrooms.

@Vornaskotti: I find creative visualisation for money, employment or whatever you require helps me a lot. It's helping to train me out of worrying about it, anyway.
@Dorkmuffin: I love your cat video.

Update: There has been a breakthrough with the boo I had! Maybe my visualisation to sort it out has done the trick.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-23T18:46:53-07:00

Boo:
-car got broken into and purse stolen at work a few hours ago
-Bank's theft reporting thingy is down.
-got credit card theft report done anyway?
-have only 2 days of meds
edit2-
Just got kicked out of stepgrandad's house. :P

Hooray?:
I'm alive?
eh.
fuck.
Edit: YAY GOT STUFF BACK!!!
Applause:
Love all y'all and how you've been there for me when shit's hit the fan, even when you've had your own shit to deal with.
Hugs to everyone who skyped last night.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-23T18:55:12-07:00

Boohoo:
Last day of the job of awesome was this past Thursday. I ended up working tonight, and had planned on buying a soda to keep me going through it. Damn soda machine ate my quarters. Being gluten-free generally sucks and is too much work. Stuff like that.

Hells Yeah:
If that's all the bad shit I got going on, I've got it crazy easy. One of the bosses of the awesome job made us workers a goodbye meal that was mindboggling delish. He even made gluten-free lasagna so I could have some too. And his daughter (the other boss), is moving into a parsonage that is a hop and a skip from my apartment, so we'll be neighbors and get to hang out and stuff. Hopefully. I don't need to look for another job because the secondary job I have is going to become my primary job and I'll get more hours. And the hourly pay is actually quite good (yay unions!) so I can get away with working not that many hours a week and still pay my bills. The gluten-free experiment ends in about a week. And I've figured out a fairly good gluten-free chocolate pancake recipe in the meantime. Oh, and I went on a pottery tour with my mom last night. (Damn, I'm really boring.)

The Others:
@Vornaskotti: Haha nice. So heroic hellion then!
@Mister Hex: The underground railroad stuff is pretty cool. Do you know which of the Great Lakes he frequented? If he ever went through northern Wisconsin/Lake Superior, I might be able to direct you to some historical stuffs.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-26T19:41:50-07:00

[trigger warning: excessive caps-lock]

Man! You know how sometimes you need a nice safe place to rant wildly about how FUCKING STUPID EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS?
I <3 u, WC.

SO! The bad.
I have multiple group projects ongoing. Three weeks into the semester, lots of marks coming due. Paper #1, a joint project with three other students, is due on Monday. One group member is definitely somewhere on a learning-disability spectrum. He constantly needs me to repeat information for him (then screws it up anyways, even if it's in an email and easily referred-to), seems incapable of grasping basic assignment requirements, and is in many ways very unnerving to talk to. So we've been basically spoon-feeding him this entire time. Which is why I missed the GLARING OMISSIONS wherein another group member (who is the liaison to the organization we're doing our paper on) COMPLETELY MISINFORMED AND MISLED US as to how the organization runs and where our focus should be. I kinda went over her head to get some questions answered by her boss, and JUST NOW got the email illustrating how EVERYTHING WE'VE DONE IS WRONG. Mostly impacting my part of the paper, since I saved for myself the analysis/critique/real-thinking parts.
SO. To make matters worse, our chosen organization is closed all week for Jewish holidays. Due on Monday, you say?

GROUP WORK! GROUP WORK GROUP WORK GROUP WORK. FUCK IT.

I fucking TRUSTED this girl to not only do her part but also understand that we were already at a disadvantage with our fourth member being essentially useless. The worst part is that she works at this organization and, by pointing out her error and trying to amend for it, I stand a real chance of illustrating just how little she understands about her job. No, really. It's bad.
Okay that was a lie the worst part is how I'm going to get a shitty mark because people are idiots and don't understand the basic instructions of the assignment.

WHY AM I AT THE TOP-RATED UNIVERSITY IN THE COUNTRY AND STILL HAVING TO WORK WITH FUCKING IDIOTS
WHY IS THERE SO MUCH GROUP WORK
WHY

What the hell do I do, Whitechapel? Make an appointment with my professor to try and cajole her into an extension? Try to fuss through as best we can? Lie through our teeth about how the organization really works? Stab things maybe? I'm thinking stab things.

(I'll come back and talk about some good and some applesauce tomorrow, when I can see straight.)

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-26T20:22:59-07:00

@allana
-Idiots abound. Lots of hugs. Sorry you have to work with stupid people. If I could make them go away for you, ya know I would!
If It were me, I'd plow through the project as well as I could, and email the prof to explain what was up. It's saved my bum a few times in other group projects where my fellows didn't just drop the ball, they drop-kicked it and no-showed until presentation day. You'll get through this!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-27T05:38:10-07:00

BADNESS - a friend of mine had pretty bad PTSD due to his job (he's a detective). Even though I literally haven't seen him in 20 years, we recently reconnected online and ... I feel for him, really. STOP HURTING MY FRIENDS, STUPID WORLD!

A DIFFERENT friend is also having a rough time of it but he's such a self-centred arsewipe, I might have to just bin him as a friend. One must be willing to acknowledge one's short-comings and he's always had a problem with that. He's a) financially fucked and is down-sizing his living arrangements so I have to help him clean up his apartment and help him move, b) he hasn't seen his kids in like 9 months and his oldest (13) daughter says she never wants to see him again. (How much of this is parental brain-washing, how much is his ineptitude, how much is raging tweengirl hormones is a math puzzle I'm in no hurry to attempt to solve.) Plus, he's having trouble with his girlfriend and it's almost all he talks about, other than the other two bete noirs on his Conversational Treadmill - "I have no money/I miss my kids/my girlfriend yelled at me." I asked ... no, I didn't ask, I just told him about my situation with my mom's health and all and all he could say was that another aquaintance of ours (a guy I despise and have done for more than a decade, ever since he conspired to get me drunk and sleep with my girlfriend behind my back - a major source of my "trust issues"), "X's dad is on his deathbed." Umm. I don't CARE about X! Fuck him right in the ear! Remember? I hate him and can't stand to be in the same room with him and yet you remained friends with him until quite recently? Yeah, dude. Dunno what I'm gonna do but I'm sure it will be incendiary.

GOODNESS!

Not much, sadly. Although I think a woman might be interested in me. (I tend to doubt it but she's been talking to me a lot and always says how funny I am. We'll see. I have no skills with women or much hope either but who knows?) EDIT TO ADD - I'm also old enough to be her dad so I'm pretty sure this is going nowhere but it's nice to flirt with a woman and have her flirt back.

TO ALL THE WHITECHAPELLERS I'VE LOVED BEFORE

@ allana - hang in there, kid. And remember - stab and TWIST, for maximum effectiveness. When in doubt, deny, deny, deny.
@ trini - he was based out of Oakville, Ontario (which had a black population turn of the 20th C. of five or six thousand. Mainly Lake Ontario but Superior, Erie and probably others. Any info is great. His ship? Was called the Marcia C. Hall. AKA "The Marshy Haul". I thought that was cool.
@ flecky - hang in there, kid.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-28T05:19:50-07:00

UPDATE THE BAD - Apparently, my self-centred arsewipe chum is being evicted as of Monday. So I have to help him move. This fills me with a joy unknowable, as I have to work tonight and tidy up, in preparation for getting my cat back. And then I get to work Sunday night, having had (presumably) no sleep all weekend and lifting a great many heavy objects to and fro. Oh and try to get some sleep (I work graveyard shift, don't ask) plus keep an eye on my mom who's doing better but still not that great. (No concussion, it seems but she's still pretty wobbly so I do most of the cooking and of course, I do it "wrong" (ie - MY way, not HER way). Also, I met the flirty woman's boyfriend yesterday. Nice chap but I don't see them as swingers and I'd be creeped out if they were. Well, it was nice while it lasted.

I'm stabbier than Stabbity Jones right about now. Twist and Shout and Stab and Twist. THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT!!!!!

UPDATE THE GOOD! - I GET MY CAT BACK! YAY! My cat is the greatest cat ever. Six toes on each foot, black as the Ace of Spades and meaner than Charles Bronson with a hangover. I LOVE MY CAT. I've missed him terribly. He'll have to adjust to new, reduced living quarters but at least he'll be with me. He'll like that. (He was the polydactyl runt of the litter and he doesn't really know how to purr, except when he sucks his "thumb". He's also never met another cat since he was small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. This will be .... interesting for me, him and all other cats everywhere.)

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-28T13:06:40-07:00

Update the something: Mostly done the project. Managed to squeak in and redo all the interviews/inventory/embarrassing-re-work Thursday morning, which is frankly a miracle (or maybe not, if I understood how Jewish holidays worked). Might still ask for an extension until Thursday, when we have ANOTHER BETTER interview, but we'll see. For the most part I'm waiting for my groupmates to magically belatedly finally do some fucking critical analysis this weekend before I compile/print/hand-in/burn-in-effigy.

Still going to request politely that I never ever ever work with any of these people ever again.

@Patrick! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wait - does this mean there's going to be a vacancy in that FABULOUS FABULOUS LOFT SPACE where I can TAKE OVER AND LIVE FOREVER AND EVER OH MY GOD
Your cat's nice. I'm glad you're getting him back. Or maybe you want to move into FABULOUS FABULOUS LOFT SPACE WITH ME and bring your cat back and have happy times forever oh my god?
If I was coming back to town this weekend I would help you move him. And I would offer storage in my apartment just up the road. C'est la vie. (Admittedly I still *could* offer cat space in the apartment up the road, as my ex-roommate/current-occupant/whatever would LOVE to have a spooky black six-toed cat around and would care for him wonderfully; let me know if you need it, even though it sound like you don't.)

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-28T13:58:16-07:00

Tangled Up in Blue

Went on a long trawl through Facebook last night, looking for an old friend who I was told had vanished into alcoholism. I found him through a friend of a friend of a friend's profile and he accepted my request, so I guess he's alive at least, which is good, but it was a strange and slightly unsettling experience.I came across scores of people who I used to see all the time who I'd forgotten all about. That made me quite sad and isolated - my real life social life is all but dead, I've seen friends about three times this year in total, and I never seem to have time now to interact online with people out write epic letters like I used to. My neighbours are all around eighty,and the closest person I could go for a drink with is forty miles away. It'll only get worse, at least for a year or so when we have the baby, so it's kind of hard seeing goats of your old life as little meaningless thumbnails in Zuckerberg's soul collection.

On the other hand, it's nice to know you've aged a lot better than people you never liked much, especially when they're fat, bald and look like their only friends are Russian spam bots.

I've also had to lend my car to my partner for the week, hers has been in the garage for ten days. Clearly she needs it more than me, but it adds another hour and a half to my commute, taking it to five and a half hours and means I have to work shorter days to coincide with the frankly appallingly infrequent bus service, so I'm falling behind and have to take work home for the weekend again. Also got fined forty quid on Monday as my oyster payment card didn't validate when I touched in on a London bus, don't know whether to appeal or just to pay up and add it to my debt mountain.

Eldest kid seems to have got through the worst of the bullying, it feels like it's lessened since she returned from the summer, but now she's being appalling toward us again... needs real help with anger management I think. She lost it with me on Wednesday when I took a sweet away for rudeness, and punched me really hard in the leg. So I ate a bunch more and she nearly trashed the bathroom. Had to threaten to cancel her birthday party before she stopped ranting, and then all she gave a damn about was getting her sweets back. I stayed very calm, which I'm quite pleased I managed, but her outbursts are pretty upsetting, especially as we had to move house before when she caused the neighbours to fall out with us. The other two are staying fairly manageable...

I also 'starred' in a management training video, where I had to play a miserable, cynical wanker. Typecast much? But the thing that shocked me was how fucking large and dopey I looked, this isn't fucking good at all. Need to sort that out.

It's alright Ma, I'm only bleeding...

It's the weekend.that's about all... I'm in the study with whisky and ice and Iggy Pop.

Shelter from the storm

@Allana - fuck, yeah, group work. My aforementioned daughter has a massive problem with working with other people, she'll just walk out of groups and refuse to play ball if she thinks the other members are fuckwits. Don't think diplomacy's her strong point. But it really, really sucks when someone you're relying on lets you down and makes you look crap and it doesn't end in college. Happened to me at work last year, someone from the intranet technical team did something totally unauthorised that ended up with him basically spamming the entire board of directors with badly spelled emails that looked like they came from my team - I had to be stopped from going upstairs and bawling him out - a colleague had to go and drag him in a room and say 'basically, Jon's too fucking angry even to speak to you right now... sort it quickly before he calms down enough to get in a lift' . So yeah, fuck group work where you don't get to pick the group...

@hex - yay for cats. Arsewipe friends - guess you need to figure out how to keep them at arms' length so they don't drag you under too.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-28T21:27:04-07:00

@Hex- give your kitties hugs for me!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-29T01:10:28-07:00

The ICK
Parents are being right assholes to each other. Pulling shit that practically dares the other one to ask for a divorce. This is a story going on 30+ years. It's why I'm never getting married. Fucking bullshit to let someone in where they can treat me like that. No goddamn way. He's pissing and throwing tantrums like a fucking preteen and she's refusing to speak directly to him, wash his clothes or dishes, or include him family plans. They're playing with unspoken marital agreements (she serves practically hand and foot - because she wants to - and he takes it graciously). So fucking sick of it but with very very few options. At least when I was a teen I could look forward to school and when I would move out to college. Now... dear God.

The OOoh
I've won the friend lottery. I can only pray I am able to pay them back one day. And hopefully soon. They say it's freely given, but then I freely want to give back.

HUGS
For Allana and Root. Um because. Because I'm hoping for the best, particularly that the hard work you've put in doesn't get undone by casual fuckheads.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-30T03:27:02-07:00

@ allana - yep. I'm sad but hopefully happy. Life throws you a curveball. make lemonade. That's what I say. (I still have friends in the building and we shall Whitechapel there, have no fear.)

@ root - Whitechapel hugs for the cat it is!

@JP - Life throws you a curveball, make lemonade. (Whiskey will help that make sense.)

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-09-30T03:57:52-07:00

@razr - sux. Only advice I could offer (as I find my self in a somewhat similar sitch) is "Go ahead and be your awesome self. Forge ahead and ride the lightning. Climb every mountain and don't waste time shooting the wounded."

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-02T22:31:02-07:00

The Boo: My sister is sick. Basically, it is a very bad cold and she is not recovering because she is not resting enough (too much work and stress).

The Yay: I am going on holiday tomorrow. And I've got my iPhone to be checking on things back home, including my sister.

To everybody: Goodbye for the next few days! I'll be on holiday so I won't be around. But when I come back I hope to find the boos here are getting sorted out and it's more hurrah for you all!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-03T02:02:54-07:00

The yay:

Still feeling nice about the Iron Sky expo and the feeling of closure with that job that I mentioned in the Vile Hugs, plus of course the fact that this morning Iron Sky is number one best selling comedy Blu-ray in Amazon. In addition to it being, you know, just fucking cool, there's the selfish angle of me being one of the fan investors, so financial success for the film doesn't sound a bad thing at all in the long run ;)

Took the last weekend off from work, and went to a really kick ass fun birthday party some pals were throwing. Exactly what I needed - some sauna, pool and a bunch of friends to get utterly hammered and drunkenly bleat Singstar songs with. Also, surprising romantic interests appear, and didn't get immediately shot down from the sky. Weird to meet people who seem to go to eleven in a really familiar sounding way.

Well, although I'm piss poor and frankly I feel at times barely functional because of exhaustion, life is interesting and still I'm feeling kind of positive and happy to do things. So there's that.

The ugh:

I guess I reached a new level with the academic media bum thing - having some trouble affording food for the next week and a half, so I basically counted a college party cocktail pieces as the day's meal yesterday. Felt fucking surreal going around taking a third serving of goat cheese canapés, lamb bites fried in syrup and quiche in a "stock up now, it's free food and won't be nuttin' at home" kind of way. Gave me an idea for a character in a story, though.

Goddamn tendonitis is making a return in the best possible time. Arm and wrist hurting like fuck, in spite of being on prescription painkillers. It's not like I'd need to write a book and a half this year and my livelihood being totally dependent on writing 12 hours per day, while at the same time frantically finding an new job for next year. *headdesk*

Sympathies:

@razrangel: Uagh, that sort of parental hissy-fit thing is both annoying, embarrassing and downright eats you hollow if you happen to be somehow invested in it. Nothing to really do about that apart from pulling the ejection eat lever and let adults shit over their lives, nobody's responsibility but their own...

@Root: I'm still laughing at the thief forgetting his wallet there... well, people don't generally turn to petty crime because they are too smart to do something else... ;)

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-03T11:42:41-07:00

The Perspective

There's all sorts of low grade things annoying me at the moment. Work is dragging, the pre-production phase on the next game is taking an age to start producing actual work to do. Lots of friends have left the company and I'm feeling a bit lonely there these days.

But that's all pointless stuff. Found out today that an old flatmate from uni has died suddenly today. I got the impression he'd been ill for about a year now, but he never really talked about it with anyone. We only found out he'd been in hospital in the summer after the fact. We'd not been close for a while now, only seeing each other once or twice a year at parties thrown as 'ex uni meetups', and so I don't really know how to feel about it. I'm a little angry with myself for not feeling more than I do, I just feel detached but it's hardly what I'd call grief. His cousin just called me to see if I knew (a mutual friend had already called me to tell me earlier) and it's clear she's in bits about it, and I had no idea what to say.

The Decent I Guess

No particular highs going on at the moment. I made a call to give up drinking a couple of weeks ago, I was nowhere near dependent levels but I was definitely drinking too often and for dumb reasons (bad day at work? Pub. Raining so the walk home was rubbish? Beer.) and after one particularly heavy night I decided to knock it on the head. Maybe not forever, but certainly for the forseeable future. I actually feel quite a bit better for it already.

Fable The Journey launches next week. I'll probably get deeply annoyed at the reviews (it's going to be an easy target for some reviewers, I don't expect a lot of 'fair and balance' assessments of it) but all indications are we've pre-ordered out to match the marketing forecast and you can't really ask more than that. It'll at least have broken even.

The Support
@Allana - ah group work. On my degree they did a few group courses with randomly chosen groups and they were universally awful. On my graduation day my personal tutor admitted that they do it deliberately, they wanted us to get a bit of an idea of what our real working lives would be like and fully EXPECTED us all to fail the group projects. I may have called him an unpleasant name.

@Vornaskotti - It's great to see that sort of closure on a project isn't it? I think it's the thing I'll miss the most when we go digital only in videogames, that feeling of seeing the box on the shelf and being able to point at it and say 'I made that'.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-04T10:56:33-07:00

BAH:

- Still at home. Think I'm coming down with a cold and I haven't been getting much sleep lately. Probably has something to do with the 3-4 coffees I have during the day to get on a minimal level of "functional".

- Inactivity has been causing a bit of weight gain. This wouldn't be too bad, but a horde of people I know have been losing a LOT of weight lately and I'm feeling a bit rattled by it.

EH, ALRIGHT THEN:

- Doctor's appointment was this morning and it looks like in a week or so I'll be able to go back to life as long as I don't overdo things. Looking forward to going back in to the office, hitting my local pub, feeling the vibe of downtown again.

- While at doctor's he expressed concerns about my mental well-being and asked if I needed counselling for the depression I got hit with. Kind of a step forward that my answer was "no thanks" and found that it was true. It takes me a while, but at some point during a depression bout my brain kicks in and makes me do some stuff to take my mind off it or make me feel better. Have been working from the home, doing Thirsty Wench posts, knitting, and writing in my journal.

- Might be getting a bonus soon from work, which will allow me to both attend Cask Days (Canada's best Cask Beer festival) and purchase an 8 gallon stockpot so I can brew powerful and flavourful beers that I want to brew.

- Made a decision. Will talk to Niagara College Brewing school people at Cask Days, take a tour next month (if I can), look in to how much OSAP can give me, homebrew a hell of a lot more, complete a required high school course (grade 11 chemistry) and, if this looks like something I actually want to do...I may be living in St. Catherines, Ontario at some point because it's closer to school. We'll see.

- Looking like I might be in for a new phone. Looking at either an iPhone 5 or Samsung Galaxy S III. Decisions decisions.

- Off to the cottage this weekend for Canadian Thanksgiving. With this gorgeous Autumn weather I'm looking forward to it.

RIGHT ON:

@Allana, jeez...group projects: fucking you over since kindergarten.
@Vorn, awesome on the closure for that project.
@Roo, glad you got your purse back!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-04T17:58:00-07:00

@Flaybo: People grieve in different ways. Some people fall to pieces. I get hyper rational. Some people go numb. Regardless, don't beat up on yourself for not grieving the "expected way".

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-05T03:07:37-07:00

@Trini - yeah, it's been weird seeing how the different people that knew him are reacting on facebook. Most of us are still in the denial phase I think. I know I've been fairly hardened to grief since my mum died 15 or so years ago, so I'm not surprised I'm feeling mainly numb about it.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-06T19:52:45-07:00

Hey Whitechapel. It's been too long. Bloody hell, where to begin...

The kick in the groin
Last month, at work we manger types were informed that the board was threatening that if we didn't hit the arbitrary and unrealistic goal by the end of the month, they were considering taking away the bonuses FOR THE ENTIRE COMPANY. So we had just over a week to try and save the annual good cheer of almost two thousand people or be the pricks who screwed everybody. We fell short. No word yet if there will be any actual action on the threat. We won't know that until probably March. Nothing like letting us all stew for six months.

Work's been so fucking busy and exhausting that I haven't had time to check my e-mail, never mind virtually hang with you lovely folks. Thanks to modern technology, I've been able to scan twitter on the toilet, that's been the extent of my online life.

My offline life's been a bit of a mess. I had to drop a grand on my car last month since the transmission computer was apparently fucked. I was without wheels for over a week. I live over an hour by car away from civilization at the moment, so I was trapped in the house, forced to borrow my mom's car to take the kid to and from daycare.

The gentle rub of the injury
I may have spent a thousand dollars, but I didn't need to buy a new (to me) car, which would have been significantly more. I have savings, but they are spoken for.

One of the things I need cash for is to move. I'm extremely grateful that my mum let me stay with her for the last 3+ years, but I'm 36 damn years old. I need my own place. I looked at apartment's today. I saw one that was amazing (all things considered) but was a bit out of my price range. Heat/hot water were included, so I could probably make it work, but I would be stretching things. It's not available until 1 December anyway, so I don't have to decide quite yet. I'm still looking, but damn, I'm ready to move RIGHT NOW. The idea of having my own space seems so effing decadent.

I sent a script to a lit manager who is a friend of a friend. She's also quite connected in Hollywood, so if she liked it/me it would not be out of the realm of possibility that I'd start selling words. Words I put onto paper!

The reach around
@Oldhat - Sorry to hear about the cold. Try not to stress about the weight gain. Weight isn't a competition. Stay healthy and in a body you feel comfortable in. Screw everyone else.
@Vorn - I intend to peer pressure a friend into buying Iron Sky tomorrow. I still haven't seen it and may pony up the cash myself. It was the film in 2012 I've been most excited about.
@Flecky - Fuckin' hell. Show those rehab bastards how to melt reality with their minds. We'll be here (periodically, when they let me out of my cell) sending whatever spare shreds of good karma we have your way.
@The rest of you glorious bastards - I need to finish this beer and crawl into bed so I can be up in time to drive an hour to see an apartment at 10am. Stay deviant (or in the case of the "nice" folks, like @Beamish, deviant adjacent). I knock this back to your health and good fortune. Cheers!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-07T06:16:27-07:00

GODDAMNITALLTOHELL - Not much, actually. No money, which makes me want to stab Jesus in the eyeball but if that's the least of my worries, I figure I'm laughing. Oh, fucked up my knee and now I hobble like a cowboy on Rawhide. Which is funny, if you know me and probably hilarious if you don't.

IN WHICH SUNSHINE POURS FORTH FROM MY NETHER REGIONS - Had coffee with an old friend who hugged me like she meant it. (I even taught her about the Christian Side Hug.) Writing is DEADLY, these days. I'm closing in on something that's quite fabulous, if I do say so myself. The Best Cat In The World is happy, safe and content. AND IT'S THANKSGIVING! (You Septics - start celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving! For no other reason than I told you to do so! You'll thank me later! All you International Bastards - DO THE SAME! Look at the trees! Eat a lot of food! Canadian Thanksgiving is the BEST HOLIDAY because the only meaning to it is "Wow, life's not fucking awful. "

"NO, ACTUALLY, WE'RE JUST GOOD FRIENDS"-
@flabyo - sorry to hear that.
@Vorn - you can do it and I know you can.
@flecky - you can do it and I know you can.
@sellme- Words on paper? Huzzah!
@oldhat - glad to see you up and about but jesus, St. Catherines? (Actually, it's quite quaint. Do you do "quaint"?) You'd make a fine Brew Mistress.
@ everyone else who's names I've either forgotten or don't know - picture me dancing wobbly -

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-10T19:55:27-07:00

@Hex, I am capable of doing "quaint", but will be thankful for the trips back to Toronto. Country life doesn't suit my black jacket wearing bitter demeanor. Also I forget where you asked it, but no, I don't know any of those people. i DO know Crystal Luxmore, the Grid's beer gal though.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-12T12:15:36-07:00

The your pretty face is going to hell:

It's been one hell of a bastard week. Partner went schizoid on me last Sunday night, because my youngest daughter broke a tapestry that was hanging on the wall. It was apparently all my fault because she was climbing on me at the time. I ended up hiding in the study. She calmed down on Monday, but then on Tuesday, she found out that damp had damaged the baby book that she'd written for my oldest daughter, wrecking a couple of the photos that were in it, rendering some of the hand writing illegible, and rusting all the staples throughout the book. I can totally understand her being upset by this, I was too, but she just blew it all out of proportion completely. On Thursday, she was on the phone to me in tears, for half an hour at work because my eldest daughter had behaved very badly in the morning, making everybody really late just being generally defiant. I had a very serious talk with her yesterday, managed to keep my temper, even though she was losing hers and ranting at me, and she was better behaved today, but the cumulative stress is really getting to me. Just want the baby to be born in one piece, come home healthy, and then we can start getting on with things. Just seems to be there's always something going off, some source of aggravation, but this causes things to be miserable. Work is being completely relentless as well so just seems to be piling up on all fronts. How the fuck I'm going to cope with with four children I have no idea.

And I dropped my fucking camera last week, breaking the pop-up flash. I really can't justify adding to the debt mountain by buying another one, then have to try and fix it with plastic padding or something.

The gimme danger Little stranger.

The car, the venerable and increasingly foxed Moby Benz, passed its annual MOT test without adding any more than a moderate amount to my debt mountain. I eventually, after much trauma, managed to go on a short cycle ride last week, first time I've used my bike in anger for about five years.

The I Wanna be your dog

@oldhat - hope you're getting back to normal, and good luck with the beer. Re-phones- I have the Galaxy S3 and love it to bits.

@sellmeyoursoul - good luck with finding a house, own space would be good
@flecky - as always, hang in there and don't let the bastards drag you down

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-12T14:59:52-07:00

@JP: Fix it with Sugru

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-13T06:14:03-07:00

Briefly.

GOOD: spent nearly two weeks in New Mexico with my best friend, got a tan, hung out at a hippy-ish farmhouse with dogs and cats and chickens and ate freshly laid eggs every morning. The elevation and weather of New Mexico totally eradicated my headaches. I might end up staying there for a month or two over the winter.

BAD:The road trip portion of the trip home that i was so looking forward to turned into a mad dash to get back (in time for comicon so I can meet Peter Davidson, I hope). Also, my macbook is on it's last legs suddenly. Also, I might have kinda ended up racking up five possible felony charges during an encounter with a State Trooper today (but did at least not get taken to jail, so that's good, I suppose).

OTHERS: Flecky, i have been not home since the end of last month, so I missed my window of opportunity to mail you things. I did buy you a postcard, but was afraid to mail it if you weren't there anymore.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-13T13:28:26-07:00

@Rachael-
Okay. When everything's settled and you're back on your feet: you will have SO MANY stories to tell us!
Glad you had a great time in new mexico!

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-16T08:39:05-07:00

@Rachael: Yep, I'm still in Rehabton, Deathrattle, UK. The real address should still be on the old Vile Hugging Thing. I, too, am glad you had a good time in New Mexico, and I hope yer keepin' yer chin-up.

PIGVILLE RAT-MONKEY:

I've got to be careful - real careful - what I type in at this bloody place; it's not like The-Days-Of-Old, when I could splurge my dementia via a laptop from the safe confines of my hovel in London. For example: A few feet away are humans; real humans. And I can't exactly slag the living shit out of them, lest they get clever - which I suppose they may try to do - and read my toss and say, 'Your a fucking wanker, you long-haired twat!'

I've been through maximum-madness over the past few days: On Friday night, I was on the motorway at the bottom of the hill where my poxy dwelling unit is. I really wanted to leave - AGAIN - and I was tempted to go into the pub near hear; not for a drink, but just to get away from some of these people. I really don't have much in common with them, apart from the fact that we all took drugs and are mutants.

It's fucking lonely, hard work being here. I'm feeling physically better, now that the Sickness and withdrawals and the Flu-Plague have floated off into the Ozone. But the crazy thing is, I miss it! All the way through, I was treating it like some mega-battle - my own personal 'Nam, for want of a better word-thingy. And now that's gone, I'm just some shitty veteran, stumbling through the streets of reality.

I don't know; post Destruction Depression is a bastard. I've been at this place for nearly a month, and I'm still doing the Day-At-A-Time tool to survive.

SPIRITUALIZED:

36 days clean, so that's some good-shit. I read out my Assignment One earlier today, where I had to write about the last six-months before coming here. It was a bit strange, and someone said it reminded them of Burroughs. Bloody Hell!

There are a couple of people here who I can get on with OK, so it could be worse. I just got to remember why I'm here, and fuck all the other stuff. Thank ye all for all the kind words; it means the World.

I'd best throw this into The Interveb, before someone turns-off these 'pooters.

*END TRANSMISSION*

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-16T09:14:54-07:00

I think I can speak for all of us here when I say - good fucking work Flecky. You are one hard bastard. And an inspiration to us all. Stay strong, stay brave, you glorious mutant! I salute you.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-16T10:46:54-07:00

The bad:

I think I'm breaking. Maybe leading to another Great Breakdown like I did a few years ago, I don't know. A partial source is being stuck at home with not really anyone to talk to on a regular basis. Being at home alone with nothing to do, especially for this long, is pretty similar to locking myself in a room with someone who has hated me for years and is not above reminding me why. And as a result a lot of issues, some of which I thought long buried and some that I've been able to keep to a minimum best I can has just been rising up. And of course, I can't go in to depth about it, but still. Feeling nothing but numbness, sadness, a sense of panic and a LOT of hatred towards myself. Getting worried.

The Good:

Seeing my doctor in a couple of weeks and will take his suggestion of seeking counseling. It would depend on who I get, as I've had mixed results (First one I caught doodling and not paying attention, the other listened and gave me her personal opinion on things which helped) so there may be some trial and error, but I'm hoping that it will help.

Doing some things to distract myself/calm me down.

Losing weight. Partially due to lack of appetite and partially eating better when I do eat.

Brewpot was ordered. And it turns out I'm getting a free thermometer attachment which kicks ass. Will be good to brew soon.

Yay:

@flecky, glad to hear that the sickness and withdrawals have fucked off and that there are some people you can get on with there. It's been a wonderful thing reading your posts here from since you started. Sending good thoughts your way.

@hex, oh, the Christian Side-Hug. We had to practice that when I worked at the Christian Summer Camp.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-16T13:38:12-07:00

Flecky, it's weird, somehow your description of rehab reminds me of being in school. I have nothing in common with these people, and they all annoy the shit out of me. I want to be here, but not if being forced to interact is on the bill. :( Thirty-six days, mate, we're both at the start of a long commitment to ourselves and we're sure to piss off more than a few slag-worthy humans on the way. I'll punch a few for you if you punch a few for me.

Robin: Picking a counsellor is so weird, like it's relationship-shopping. Worth it, but it's so awkward to try and determine whose advice is worth taking. Good luck on it; the couple friends I know who have invested the time have done really well by the help they've gotten. (One almost became a counsellor herself, she was so inspired.)
Otherwise, I'm sorry I couldn't come deliver you a care package; I'm thinking something in the macro/still-life/lightbox family. There must be some creative channeling for all your boredom and frustration. When do you get the all-clear to venture back into the world?

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-16T14:04:29-07:00

Oh, me, I'm okay. Learning to think in group-project terms: schedule an extra 50% whenever predicting completion times, because everybody lags behind me; always leave time to check other people's work; volunteer to hand stuff in, so I get the last word. And stop being nice when people fuck up.

I'm working twenty-five hours this week. Eleven today. Mostly sitting quietly and typing on my phone for fifteen bucks an hour. So that's been pretty good. Might have also found an apartment for next month. And maybe I'll have time tomorrow night for art galleries! And Friday night, to see Blondes play!

Still marginally behind on school stuff, in that I'd rather take an afternoon to photo-walk than catch up on my reading. I get cravings for artistic projects that I can't possibly hope to follow up. And I want to write again, which is cool, except everything's sitting in half-draft state or point-form notes I can no longer decipher. Meh.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-18T12:09:20-07:00

Yeah, it really is like relationship-shopping. I don't have TOO many options since I have no money and am getting a counsellor through my health clinic which covers it, but am still hoping I can get on that I can at least gel with and provide some insight/opinion as opposed to just nodding and writing on a sheet of paper that will eventually be thrown out and forgotten about.

I'm doing some things to get it out. Writing in a journal, some photography, beer writing/reading, that sort of stuff.

Just fighting to not go in to "Turtle mode". Posting on here and on facebook has been okay, but e-mails to people have become difficult. A lot of looking at the reply screen and giving up.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-19T05:58:54-07:00

I've never been to a therapist, but my psychiatrist is pretty much insisting that I go. My joke is, I take the pills so I won't have do deal with the feelings, but she's definitely right. There's a lot of trust issues I have, not to mention the whole macho "if you talk about your emotions you will literally die" thing, but I'm working up to it.

OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes 7th October)

2012-10-20T00:09:46-07:00

Not a whole lot new to report but I've had quite a bit of wine tonight, for the first time in a while, and all by myself. So it's really just letting nature take it's course...

scrapes and bruises hitting a very achey point between lots to do, lots getting around that needs to happen and gas prices are spiking and I have to buy my own food on the road and no money till pay day, which is still over three weeks away. It could be much worse. My mom is helping me out. But it's a short loan and it's coming out of that payday. *siigh* If I were doing this for a full time gig it would be ok because there would be a chance of catching up eventually. But this is theatre gig, so when it's done it's done. And I kind of wish it were done. This play just ain't my thing and I'm really tired of the miscommunication going on at company, no one tells me jack or I get the wrong info and pass it along. No one blames but I feel like crap.

But I press on. I have to pay these bills. The truck needs some maintenance pretty bad. I have GOT to get on top of my auditioning. It's the only thing that will get me out of fretting that I'm just stuck and sinking. It won't help directly. But it's something that shows I'm alive and doing something for myself.

light in the window for now mom & dad aren't fighting, though there's still the occasional figurative hiss. Blah. children. But at least there is some semblance of peace. Friends are good people. Thank sweet Jesus. I have some good ones.

some weirdness passed along my voice demo to another person to review. She wrote back saying the piece she liked best and thinks I should have rolling first is the same piece that makes me cringe and wonder why I ever included it on the demo. So. I have no idea what to do about that. Her 30+ years of pro acting work trump my dinky degree and fucking around in classes like whoa, but I can't make myself like the things I don't like. Definitely won't work it out while Under the Influence.

cheers @Faux I first read that and wanted to be the smartass bitch and say well just how macho is it to be afraid of a little literal death. But never mind. It's good to face your shit. That's grown up stuff - and most grown ups I know routinely fail at it. So rock that shit and know there's nothing really to be afraid of. The world won't hurt you for being honest. Any one who even tries is only betraying how small they are.