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    •  
      CommentAuthorFinagle
    • CommentTimeOct 3rd 2012
     (10857.1)
    Looking forward to the American Presidential debate tonight, where I am sure Mitt Romney will do his best to position himself as a Job Creator, someone who the government holds back from innovating and creating those three or four positions we will all have to work in the future to afford our algae ration.

    Just as there are jobs that become obsoleted (buggy whip maker, calligrapher, IT consultant), there are new jobs being created constantly. Let's name a few.

    To start:

    ONLINE REPUTATION ENHANCER (O.R.E.):
    Just like a new WoW or other MMORPG character needs to get 'levelled up,' a slow painful process involving killing lots of rats and mining ore, your online reputation probably could use some polishing up. Going above and beyond merely taking down those porn links and embarrassing party photos, the ORE Miner is cooler than you and actively works to make you look better.

    The ORE Miner runs your Last.fm, Librarything, Amazon and other media networks in order to make you look cooler. They actively search for and add cutting edge stuff to your online profiles, because you've been so busy getting your degree and actively hiding your online self that nobody knows how cool you are. The ORE Miner builds a profile of your ideal self and makes your online reputation better than you could ever be by browsing the correct products, commenting on videos and other media and so forth.
    •  
      CommentAuthorallana
    • CommentTimeOct 3rd 2012
     (10857.2)
    You forgot the rest of it, which could maybe itself be another job....

    ONLINE REPUTATION PROTECTOR (O.R.P.):
    Issues startlingly legal-seeming takedown notices on your behalf whenever anyone tags a drunk photo, derogatorily quotes a tweet, or comments "crazy bitch" on something you wrote*. Also pulls down overly flippant/exclamation-marked/
    content you've posted in less-than-professional moments. Provides weekly metrics as to who's Googling you and where they're going and how they're probably thinking of you right now.


    * Happened to me last week. It's nice to know people still care.
    •  
      CommentAuthorallana
    • CommentTimeOct 3rd 2012
     (10857.3)
    I also think governments will start paying obvious (read: hilariously dressed) counterculture agents in their societies to, you know, just keep being themselves, in order to convince the voting public that theirs is a free, open, and vibrant society. Call it Targeted Opposition Design.
  1.  (10857.4)
    With the rise of 3D printing car dealerships will begin hiring Unauthorized Fabrication Experts that will accompany regular mechanical inspectors. Parts will be examined for telltale signs of unauthorized reproduction in order to prevent people from literally downloading their own cars--or, more commonly, printing single parts that would be costly and inconvenient to replace. In the latter case, legislation would be quickly and quietly passed to crack down on part printing, ostensibly in order to protect drivers from defective parts. UFEs would, of course, face criticism as people questioned whether it was truly possible to distinguish between home 3D printing and the 3D printing used by the car manufacturers themselves, but the high profits raked in through lawsuits and fines would make the whole system largely impervious to substantive criticism.

    (Obviously inspired by our own discussion of 3D printing here, and the old "Would you download a car?" ads.)

    Hm, and going off of Allana's hilariously dressed counterculture agents, I see the savviest media companies hiring disinformation agents and handing them credible seeming and highly contradictory pieces of evidence in order to totally mangle the increasingly common leak distribution system for new movies/video games/comics/&c. For Iron Man 4 we might see five or six equally plausible, contradictory claims as to what the film will actually be about. I'm not sure there would actually be any real benefit to this, but hey, this does seem to be the direction we're going, what with journalists being threatened with legal action for reporting on leaks and so on.
    •  
      CommentAuthorMorac
    • CommentTimeOct 3rd 2012
     (10857.5)
    I'm actually pretty surprised they don't already do the last one.
  2.  (10857.6)
    Offshore turbine foundations.....The turbines themselves will never break even but the (green) turbine erectors will make huge bank....
    •  
      CommentAuthorsneak046
    • CommentTimeOct 4th 2012
     (10857.7)
    The future is not a single job, but multiple micro-jobs paying an minute amnt of each.

    via the CantCopeWontCope tumblr, the image below shows the stream of completed tasks done by micro-employees of EXEC




    From their FAQ's
    “What sort of tasks can your Execs do for me?

    Our Execs can do nearly anything to make your life easier, including running errands for you, helping you clean your apartment, picking up and shipping packages, virtual tasks and research, or whatever else you want help with.

    Who are your Execs? Where do they come from?

    We hire Execs from a wide variety of backgrounds. Many of our Execs are part-time professionals, writers, and other contract workers, and many of them have experience in a hospitality related field. Most of our Execs have a college degree….” [also via cantcopewontcope, emphasis mine]
    • CommentAuthorOddcult
    • CommentTimeOct 4th 2012
     (10857.8)
    "ONLINE REPUTATION PROTECTOR (O.R.P.):"

    I've actually been paid to do this already.
    •  
      CommentAuthorcurb
    • CommentTimeOct 4th 2012 edited
     (10857.9)
    Professional referencers. People used by the entertainment industry to keep up long tail sales on copywritten content, via the medium of referencing said content at any and every possible opportunity. That person who just weaved "We're gonna need a bigger boat" into a meeting at work, then later told you that they weren't "the droid you're looking for"? They'll get to do that for a living one day. Relentlessly.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSlick
    • CommentTimeOct 4th 2012
     (10857.10)
    Arse eel wrangler
    •  
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeOct 4th 2012
     (10857.11)
    @ curb - Now THAT'S the job for me! I can weave a Simpsons quote into just about any discussion. Because, as we all know, you don't win friends with salad.

    @ allana - I'm ALWAYS thinking of you. (Feel free to swoon at my manliness.)
    •  
      CommentAuthorcurb
    • CommentTimeOct 4th 2012
     (10857.12)
    ^Sadly, you'll also be contractually obliged to quote the ten or so seasons that aren't good. Sorry.
    •  
      CommentAuthorDoc Ocassi
    • CommentTimeOct 4th 2012
     (10857.13)
    Corporate thug?

    I'm sure there will be a lot more of these reprobates.

    Call me raven and give me a nuke!
  3.  (10857.14)
    @sneak - did Exec just democratize the butler system? Because if that is the case, that's weird and hilarious and slightly brilliant...maybe...[as you can probably tell, I'm unsure how I feel about democratizing servitude.]

    Job title: Life Sync Coach
    Job description: A Life Sync Coach [L.S.C] is the perfect solution to getting your house, your job, your life, and your relationships in order.

    An LSC will ensure that your home is using exactly the right amount of energy it needs and adapting to the environment at optimum precision. Worried that your home won't be cool enough in the summer? Worried that after a disastrous date your home won't be warm enough and your hot chocolate not ready when you get it? Your LSC will ensure that your home has sub-routines written into it so that it reads your mood from your mobile device, takes the environment into account, and acts accordingly. An LSC will save you money without removing the human touch.

    An LSC can help you find a job by ensuring that you're alerted to and automatically applied to the jobs that suit your CV and any new direction you need to give it that season. Got a job already? The LSC will ensure you're never late for a meeting and always up-to-date with the newest information and relevant software. Got a big meeting ahead? Your LSC has the right small-talk and sensible jokes ready for you as soon as you enter the type of meeting and select who's attending.

    Are you in a relationship? Your LCS will figure the optimum partner for you and ensure that you remember all those important dates.

    You'll only need a Life Sync Coach once per season - unless you'd prefer our premium package which guarantees you safe syncing 24 hours a day and an emergency number to call should you ever feel threatened by a possible mismanagement of your sync.

    - Not supported by Gwalchmai Industries

    [Essentially, a life coach but someone who's also a sysadmin for your home, your netware, your everything you want it to be.]
    •  
      CommentAuthorCat Vincent
    • CommentTimeOct 4th 2012 edited
     (10857.15)
    Ronin Troll: Will go into any comment board and troll the fuck out of it, any subject. I see an increasing demand for this expertise.

    More serious: teams of people who can handle the logistical side of turning a self-published ebook idea into something semi-professional-looking - a small group of for-hire proof-readers, designers & publicists who are familiar with the system and do the shitwork that would normally be done by a publishing company.
    •  
      CommentAuthortexture
    • CommentTimeOct 7th 2012
     (10857.16)
    Shit, think I may already be an ORE Miner. I get paid to run FB, Twitter and Pinterest for an art supply company.

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