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  1.  (10874.1)
    Thanks for the kind words guys. Dying to see the light at the end of this tunnel.
    • CommentTimeOct 25th 2012
    First the hugs because you are all more awesomer and should get 'em and much more: *HUGS* trini because I know what it's like just feel like the dregs when things are just annoying but not actually horribly bad. Working sucks, ads suck, all the cool people are somewhere else and you vaguely feel like the people around you are comfortable so why can't you be too? Stupid brain. *hug*
    H*U*G Mister Hex because rock like a motherfucker. Goddamn right.
    *HUGHUGHUG* Root Cause I mean fuck. Lord... Remmy, RIP. And fuck.
    *Kay* It'll end. It will.

    Now the Oh God Not the Face! Past couple of days I've actually gotten some respectable amount of sleep but I'm still stupid sleepy at inopportune times. I detest that I have to sleep but dislike what drugs do to me in order to skip it. So I get put down every night (or more like every morning) like bitter toddler fussing that she should be allowed to stay up with the older kids. (The older kids snortin the good stuff.) But... tonight I'm up late taking care of the many things I didn't get done today, my last free day for the next 2.5 weeks. After this it's non-stop until the show opens. It's madness, I tell you. Why do I do this? Every play it's the same thing. Fucking hate tech, actors not prioritizing the play over their own fucking egos, directors doing everything to avoid being efficient, designers who think they're hot shit (even when they are, they don't get to be more important than the play)...bullshit on top of bullshit. I've got my hands full with shit I need to get finished, I don't need to be working to cover other people because they can't arsed to give more than the minimum. Except for...I do. Because if I don't this play falls apart. Argh. Anyway. it's 4am now, shall be up in 5ish hours to commence the marathon through opening weekend.

    Shall try my very best not to kill anyone, including myself, during tech. May, however, give myself emphysema and irreversible kidney damage.

    The Ooh! That tickles: Em. Nothing fantastic. But it's been nice to wallow at home. Coffee from my own coffeemaker. Didn't wear shoes all day. Someone else made dinner. Emailed friends and talked to my mom. almost want to make myself more coffee. But that would be seriously stupid.
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeOct 25th 2012

    Sleep deprivation, alcohol and marijuana smoke fill the air before you.

    th' Cat has long ago fucked away to the blissful arms of Morpheus. He doesn't give a shit.

    And neither do I. While at the same time, giving all the shit. And many a fuck was given. I've been also known to bat eyelashes. And high-5 and thumbs up and all that jazz.

    @root - OUCH. I've done that. Currently, it's my left elbow that I keep injuring. Which WORRIES ME GREATLY for reasons I shan't explain.

    @trini - change is as good as a rest, they say.

    @kay - moving house sux.

    @dork - get well soon and COME TO TORONTO SOMEDAY, FER CHRISSAKES.

    @Pete - you still wanna film me ranting? Because, if anything, I GOT BETTER AT IT. And I was pretty good to start with. (Who KNEW?) I may be able to sort a location. A SET, if you will, that we can dress for cut-aways.

    @razr- "if you're going thru Hell, KEEP GOING." - Winston Churchill (Emphasis Mine. And Colloquialism.)
  2.  (10874.4)
    @Hex - I'm waiting for a better robot body. :P Howabout you?
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeOct 26th 2012
    @ root - the very fact that SCIENCE! has FAILED to reach a Kirby-Level of Awesomeness Yet is practically the only thing that makes me still believe in "God". DOWNLOAD ME, for chrissakes. ANYTHING'S better than THIS.
  3.  (10874.6)
    But then you'd have to worry about updating java in yourBRAIN, and then antivirus fees. :p
    Actually yaknowwhat? I want a new brain, too. Also hugs to your sore and sadfaced elbow. That HAS to be a sonofabitch.
      CommentAuthorPeter Kelly
    • CommentTimeOct 26th 2012 edited
    Hex - part of the post that I lost was, YES I still want to shoot you!
    maybe I scrounge enough dough to get us both drunk in a "pre-interview" in the next week or two (research, I swear) and then we shoot in Nov/Dec.
    I can sort out EVERYTHING (crew, location, etc) if we can find a day for you to be on camera.
    peter at

    And then we'll shoot Old hat, and Greasemonkey.
    There is a full doc of Whitechapel just waiting to get made.
  4.  (10874.8)
    The kick to the Groin
    money is tight, as always Determined to get ahead, but you know the story, always something. And Work....I'm starting to get the feeling that the shift from "shit you need to do" to "What we hired you to do" is going to get pushed back yet again. I'm an awesome editor, but I don't edit full time anymore. Plan is for it to happen in January...if I can get some stuff sorted out in time. Well I can... but it also depends on like 3 other departments getting there shit together which seems unlikely.

    Kiss to the face
    Found out today I am tentatively lined up to edit a scripted comedy series. This has been my goal since I started, so this is a dream come true (provided the above shit gets together). It's no where near a done deal, but I am taking the fact that I was top of the list for the comedy project as a good sign.
    Also, one of the company Vice Presidents make the trek up 3 floors to my cubcile to hand me a flyer for the Hard Liquor and Porn FIlm Fest and say "Don't let me down". Not sure what my rep is...but I already entered a short in it, so clearly this guy has me pegged.

    Hugs for all...
    Raz - There is a fine line between caring about your work and being taken advantage of. You seem to be on the right side of that (I've crossed back and forth) Do your job as best you can, so you can sleep at night, but don't do other peoples. It only teaches them they don't have to do theirs.

    Trini - I've loved my job and I've hated my job. There is not much you can do, but enjoy the people you work with. Dwelling on it, getting angry or depressed about it only ruins the rest of your life. (Which is easy to say, I know, but I made my wife's life miserable for 6 months before she verbally bitch slapped me into fixing what I could change and accepting what I couldn't)

    Hex - see the the previous post, but really I'm just looking for a reason to hang out with you.

    Si - Our glourious leader..... Got you on my X-mas list. I can't afford to be lining your pockets at the moment, but that won't stop me from making my family do so for me.
  5.  (10874.9)
    I'm lousy interview material. Man of few words and all that.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeOct 26th 2012
    @Greasemonkey. I have problems with projecting myself in interviews as well, so join the club.

    The boo: wrenched my knee yesterday and been limping a bit. At least it's feeling better now.

    Hurrah: I've been spending the afternoon making Halloween chocolates (despite knee). Chocolate pumpkin heads, skulls, witches, cats, owls, haunted houses, and the ones that the kids love the best - coffins. I'm feeling pretty pleased with my efforts and now they're in a box for the Halloween kiddies on Wednesday.
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeOct 27th 2012 edited
    Saturday Night used to be when Warren would allow us to vent and be bathed in the love of the Internet Jesus. So it's appropriate and correct that this happens now.

    Watching John Carpenter's THE THING on TVO, just like the good old cold old days. Kurt Russell's not yet entirely fucked but give it time.

    The cat's gone doolally again. He may have cabin fever. And a fear of Another Cat, who deliberately taunts him. A female cat, who's used to Other Cats But Doesn't Like Them. He's not used to Other Cats and isn't really sure What They Are. (He's high on catnip, a lil bit.)

    He just wants love. I understand the impulse. But we've had cuddles all fucking day and I'm about done. Just a little missive to send me off, like the old days.

    The spineless fuckers at work continue to be spineless fuckers. Luckily, I am invincible. Their bastardry will only back-fire upon them. I'm quite tasty when it comes to being Spider-Man and arriving just in time, in the chill of night, at the scene of a crime and all that. I've been told not to complain about the obvious source of the problem, vis a vis office politics, when all I want to say is "j'aCCUSE!" and point an ominous finger at the wretched, incompetant halfwit that has somewhat of a strangle-hold on when I get to sleep or eat. On the other hand, I've slain a few dragons in my day and this one isn't even worthy of being called a paper tiger. I am well-confident that I can sell my case, win them over and then undermine the ground upon which he squats. And then, once my package from the Acme Corporation arrives ... heheheheheh. (If this backfires on ME, it won't MATTER. Fucking INVINCIBLE, I am. Tougher than an old boot and twice as delicious.)

    On the plus side, I'M GODDAMN INVINCIBLE! I'd invite you punch me in the arm to prove it but the last time I did that, it wasn't a good idea.

    @Peter - I am old people and hate the emails. I'll call ya, we'll set something up. Be aware I'm now largely noctural and even more MORE. Socially isolated, I frankly don't give a shit anymore. You wanna make a movie of THAT?

    @Si - you're like the Virtual Pope. Because the Electronic St. Paul sounds a bit crap.
  6.  (10874.12)
    @ hex - Fuck yes I do
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeOct 28th 2012
    @ peter kelly -
    • CommentTimeOct 29th 2012 edited
    The good:

    The AESD dive school is keeping me sane through this autumn. Just spent a week in the zoological station again - it was supposed to be marine archaeology for the scientists, but it was a healthy mix of taking biological samples from and around shipwrecks, as well as studying and drafting them. I went to the school after a night of no sleep at all and giving up at 4:30 in the morning, a total wreck myself. In the end of the week I was sleeping well, relaxed, happy - and ready to chain myself on the door of the station, demanding sanctuary.

    I'm crossing everything that can be crossed and knocking everything that's even remotely woody, but it looks like I might've secured the filthy lucre to pay my rent 'till March, even if I don't get a job next January. This of course provided that the world won't be a bitch and throw me a curve ball in the form of a surprising expense. Remains to be seen.

    The other thing that's kept me sane has been writing. I've submitted stuff to our own Weaponizer and Out of Place, Out of Time 2, as well as Black Static, I'm trying to get the novel draft three going after getting notes from my editor, and there's tons of story ideas clamoring to get out of my head. This is such a good thing I just might cry.

    The bad:

    This has undoubtedly been financially and schedule-wise the toughest autumn I can remember. I think I've managed to pull through it, but not without breaking something. Been regularly snapping awake at early hours with the brain and the heart hammering away, there have been several mornings when the mere thought of leaving the house has literally made my breath catch, and I've had sort of disquieting memory blackouts due to burning my candle with a blowtorch, etc. Yeah yeah, I know I should take it easier and have a holiday, but short of finding a few thousand euros on a street I can't see a way to do that and pay my rent and bills. Nevertheless, I think I'm well over the hump now. Well, at least I'm in a place where I can't do any more about the situation than I've already done, which is weirdly relaxing.

    Been trying and more or less managing to keep up a positive attitude about everything and enjoy the little things in life, like my awesome neighbourhood and it's nature, good friends, a rather fun girl situation where I'm not really sure where it's going, but enjoying it nevertheless. I've just been, to badly translate a Finnish saying, "one to be pushed over with a feather", so the trip from this to this has been surprisingly short at times, which has apparently confused some people. Oh well.

    EDIT: Aaand there was the curve ball. Down 2000 euros. Fuck this shit.

    The ugl... you wonderful people:

    @dorkmuffin: Uh, I feel your pain - I had a horrendous experience with a wisdom tooth getting first pulled, then infected and then discarding a piece of a root that had broken off inside my gum. Pulling teeth is a horrid business :S

    @trini: With you on the work thing :/

    @texture: Oh man, that flamewar sounded so horrible I actually laughed, like what the everflying fuck :) I can understand you wanting to swear off that place after that.

    @Flabyo: Ahh shit, that's a well rounded crapfest there. Sorry for your losses, hopefully the work situation will sort itself out. As I've understood it, with your CV getting a new job shouldn't be too formidable, and you have some slack on the leash moneywise.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeOct 31st 2012 edited

    I've absolutely no idea what I'm doing at the moment, apart from being in rehab and going through the motions of recovery nonsense - even if it's not crap and probably the best thing I could be doing at the moment. I've just spent my morning digging-up weeds and bushes - shit's called something to do with mud, and I am fooked.

    I went into an art class the other day, and I only lasted about 10 minutes before I creeped-off to smoke more fags and drink more coffee; the whole experience reeked of control and reminded me of school - Fucking Crap, it was.

    So my artistic skills are turgid wank, and my ability to spell is melting by the second. I am a self-pitying, nasty, self-absorbed, lonely motherfucker that can't see the point of getting out of bed as you've just got to get back into it a few hours later.

    Eat my contempty and negatory, oh stinky Webs **


    Fucking 51 Days-Clean: the rest can piss-off and get fat on bad food!


    @roadscum: I hope your taking care of yourself.

    @mister hex: I, too, am old. I've heard rumours about this...electronic mail thing. I must inquire more, so I can be down with the kids.

    @kay: Good luck with the house moving thing, mate.

    Christ, it's raining heavy and I've got to walk up a muddy path to get my dinner.

  7.  (10874.16)
    @Flecky 51 Days!
    I can't possibly imagine what you are going through, but that is fucking amazing. I'm going to shut up about my "problems" and just be inspired by you.
    • CommentTimeNov 2nd 2012
    Negatives: OB is in jail again for breaking his restraining order. A while ago he went into a drug trial and the psych there told him it was a surprise to know his family still took care of him, let him live at home etc. A lot of times schiz drives families to push away the disordered person. I definitely understand the feeling so I don't blame any who do, sometimes my brother has been completely scary. But anyway, OB is starting to push against our limits. My mom gets a bad rap for being the screeching, zealously religious, judgmental harpy...but she's also ridiculously generous and kind of insanely forgiving of her kids. And OB is even wearing that out. But he can't see that. He's once again deep in debt to pay advance loan sharks and he blamed going to them on our mom for not lending him the money - AS HE WAS ASKING HER TO TAKE CARE OF HIS DEBTS. The fact that he's sick is the only reason I haven't cut off contact with him.

    I fucked up my back earlier this week. Just did the "slept on it wrong" thing, though between you and me it's because I've spent more than a week on a mad uncomfortable couch at my friend's house. I ain't sayin nothing since I'm lucky enough to crash here. But it's still more than a week before I head home again to my wonderful, wonderful bed. Annoying thing is, by the end of the day my neck and back are mostly fine, just tight. But when I get up again it's all sore and twinging and aching again. Rather sick of it. And rather sick of thinking how this portents gnarly bodily pain later in life.

    Positives: Um... I have good friends. Health is mostly holding out. Truck keeps truckin along (though it needs some pricey maintenance, but still). My needs are met and I want for little more, really. And some of the people at the theatre are nice & friendly. They help me out instead of adding to what I have to get done.

    Insanity: When is this fucking play going to open?? The director is tearing his hair out that they might not be ready to open in a week. I'm almost ready to chew off a limb to get away from rehearsal and into runs.

    Applause: @Flecky my man, so good to see you trying. Even shit that's shit, you're giving it a go. Good on ya.
  8.  (10874.18)
    @razrangel: Sorry to hear about your older brother. My family used to get frustrated with my older sister, and she didn't even vaguely compare. Also sorry to hear about the soreness and the theater drama. I the work you do for the theater at least pays for itself. Glad that you have good friends.

    @Peter Kelly: If you ever end up in the direction of northern Wisconsin, I imagine I could attempt to be interesting.

    @Vornaskotti: Ouch. I hope your finances stay out of the red, especially over winter, because I do not even want to think about what it is like to be broke in Finland over the winter. (Wisconsin is bad enough!) Glad diving school is treating you well and writing is happening. At least there are some good things, eh?

    @Flecky: I am in awe of your staying clean. Kudos. Lots of kudos.

    @everyone who gave me work encouragement/I feel ya/etc: Thanks. Work is sucking less lately, and I'm going to see if I can get more hours or get a second job or something.

    I am going to attempt a sugar free diet in the nearish future. I really am not looking forward to it. I know it will be good for me, but I really really love (am addicted to) sugar.

    Like I said above, work is sucking less. Or I must be getting better at it or something. My potentially selling prints of my artwork/photographs/etc online is becoming closer to a reality. (Thanks everyone who responded to my alias question!) I've been working on the first steps of getting a website set up, and doing set up for business stuffs, and I already got some artwork scanned by a print shop that does art prints (museum quality) and hopefully, by the end of the week, I'll have a website to be looked at, and all that fun. I've already set up a tumblr and twitter. This is super scary and super exciting stuff. I have no idea if anyone will actually buy something from me, but at least I'll have a website that people can look at.
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeNov 4th 2012

    I sleep like a soldier, maybe a few hours at at time, usually during the day, never peacefully and never enough. I also eat like a soldier, whatever I can scrounge and rarely is it ever healthy or good but at least it's food. I get paid like a soldier, a pittance, sometimes in lead, sometimes in brass, sometimes in gold. I drink like a soldier because I figure tomorrow I could easily be killed and that'll be it so there's no point in NOT drinking like someone who figures they're going to die. The weather's starting to turn. Soon, I'll need the great coat and a great deal of energy to make it through The Big Push (Canadians and selected Americans know what I'm talking about here. Maybe some of you Northern European chaps and lasses might, too. Californians have their own problems.) and see, HERE'S THE THING - that's a lot of energy THAT I'M NOT SURE I HAVE.

    FUCKING RIGHT! - As you can see, my mind is a finely tuned instrument, like a machine gun or Woody Guthrie's guitar. I wrote this in my sleep, got up, typed it, smoked a cigarette, made coffee and went off about my day. I've been actually writing and people seem interested in that, like REAL people, good people, people I know. AND people I DON'T KNOW. I'd forgotten about my ability to hit a moving target while naked and upside-down, in the middle of a blizzard of artillery EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (It's how I've stayed alive so long, you see. They say the first seven years are the worst. The next few decades aren't much better. Eventually it plateaus and you can see things off in the distance that weren't there the last time you looked or perhaps you'd just never noticed, things that are indescribably beautiful and well worth living for.) I seem to have reconnected with some family and other people, while cutting away at useless articles that were just weighing me down. Life's not perfect by a long fucking chalk but millions, billions have it worse than I so knock that self-pity on the head and get fucking marching. (I could do with a woman. Not quite sure if I remember WHAT to do with a woman but I seem to remember it was nice.)

    MAIL CALL! -

    @razr- Operation Theatre will proceed as planned and be a smashing success. Of this, I've no doubt.
    @trini - keep fighting the good fight.
    @flecky - you're an inspiration to us all. Keep that upper lip stiff as you can.
    @peter kelly - oh, YOU'RE IN FOR A SHOW.
    @everyone lost in the storm - a moment of silence.

    @everyone else - VICTORY IS IMPOSSIBLE. Without you.
  9.  (10874.20)
    YO FLECKY! Fucking amazing man. I'm still sober too. We're killing it.