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  1.  (10874.1)
    Hey Hex... sorry to hear.
  2.  (10874.2)
    @hex - condolences. :/
    •  
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeNov 10th 2012
     (10874.3)
    heheh. wanna hear something funny?

    At the exact moment, pretty much (adjusting for wind-speed, rotation of the earth, a million other things besides) that we let her go .... my brother got into a car accident.

    Take THAT, athiests. Or however you spell it. DON'T WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION, MISTER AMBASSADOR!

    My Whovian sister and I, when I informed her of this, in my own inimtable style, she and I chortled in our grief.

    (He's fine but "his shoulder hurts". Also, he found out that his son defriended him on facebook. He asked me why. I told him. He said and I quote "that hurt". )

    GOOD.
    •  
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeNov 10th 2012
     (10874.4)
    If you know me, this makes perfect sense. This FITS. Perfectly. Sensibly.

    Couldn't have planned it better myself.

    Well done, mom. Shame you didn't kill him but you didn't. You were his mother.

    And you were mine.

    (Plus, his shoulder's fucked up so that's where I'll plant my boot and make him dig seven graves, six feet deep, with his bare hands. While I beat him with a shovel. And say "I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS". In the hot sun, out somewhere. Maybe there's trees to look at, don't have to be the desert. I like trees. The extra graves are just for fun. )
    •  
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeNov 10th 2012
     (10874.5)
    IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME

    (and why would you? Only been around for four fuckin' years or so)

    ... then FUCK WELL AWAY OFF.

    Seriously.

    (Seriously? I GET SI HATING ON ME but Ariana?) Time's tickin'.
    •  
      CommentAuthorMorac
    • CommentTimeNov 10th 2012
     (10874.6)
    @hex: I am really sorry to hear about your mother. While I can't speak to the entirety of human experience, losing a parent was the worst fucking that has ever happened to me and that is a pain I wish would never have to be visited upon someone else.

    Take care, stay safe... and fuck, I don't know. I've never been able to find good words for this sort of thing, and I doubt there are any out there that will take the edge off this shit. If I had them, I would say them, but I don't. It sucks, and it is going to suck, and all I can do is hope it doesn't worse for you and yours (notwithstanding this shit with your brother).
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeNov 11th 2012 edited
     (10874.7)
    The Boo: Dentist tomorrow. Hopefully, just a cleaning.

    The Hurrah: Dinner out last night! And I've been doing so well on the business that a celebration was in order.

    @Hex: I am so sorry.

    Update: yes, it was just a cleaning.
    •  
      CommentAuthoroldhat
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2012 edited
     (10874.8)
    Tried writing this once and the site ate it, so here we go again,

    BOO:

    - Overdid it with the running and walking this weekend. From the hips down is pain and my legs feel swollen. Hurts incredibly to do simple things like walk or stand. Methinks a bath with salts might be good.

    - Weight is getting me down. Just when I think I've started to go down it shoots right back up. Annoying.

    - While wonderful and happy fun things are going on and I'm not longer as bad as I was a couple of weeks ago, have still been having this "going through the motions" feeling that is pretty much the default. Can't get in to it too much without sounding a wank.

    YAY:

    - Been getting more notice in the beer community lately and have been contacted for reviews and being given samples. Pretty nice to feel like I'm being taken seriously. On another side of things, I've decided once and for all that I will NOT be going to brewing school and instead focusing on what has always been the primary goal: owning a pub. The plan will be to get a place that serves a nice range of international and local craft beers, and eventually make one or two small batch beers that can be put on tap along with the regular stuff. The more I've been tasting and hearing about small batch brews, the more I like it. More room to experiment and fuck around while at the same time not blowing your savings on a beer that might not be well liked. So with that decision made, I'll be moving forward trying to find money towards starting things up.

    - My dad got some news that I can't really talk about yet. But he'll finally be getting recognition for his work in the Canadian music business. Am really proud of him. Travel will be involved in this.

    - Client is happy with the photos I've taken of her and we'll be meeting up this week so I can hopefully get paid. That will be Christmas and maybe a PS3 sorted out for me.

    - Picked up Psychonauts on Steam and am loving it.

    - Friend is working towards starting up a baking business. Am officially now her test subject on recipes and she's giving me some contacts for organizations that help out people who want to start a business. Hopefully it works out! Very proud and happy for her.

    That all I got? I think so.

    There there
    @hex, I talked to you already, but remember to keep your chin defiant to the gods and take care of the ones that matter to you.

    @raz, glad opening night went well.
    • CommentAuthoricelandbob
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2012
     (10874.9)
    So hi guys.

    Well most of you will have noticed that I've not been on here for a while. No, it's not because i hate you all, or that i find this place boring. It's just that the last two months have been frankly blast furnace shitsville with regards to my personal and work life. But right now, i realise that this is still a place for talk chat and opening up. and i guess it's something i do need right now.

    The BOO

    the last two months have been shit. Where to start? Well last month, Sigga badly put her back out. So bad we had to call our the doctor who recommended that she go to hospital. Seems some really bad problems with her discs, although nothing was definitely proven. She was in a huge amount of pain (spending 20 minutes to get in and out of bed, morphine for a couple of days followed by lots of temazepam), when came two more whammies. First, her period came. This meant hormones, bad PMT, more pain, and the realisation that this month, again no baby. Then to cap it all off, two of our best friends announced that they were expecting a kid. Our friend Cath has severe fertility problems and was a high risk for miscarrying, so it was all very unexpected, etc.
    This all caused a near breakdown with Sigga, which meant her going back to her therapist. Luckily her back is better, and despite what she feared, she is merely sad, not depressed. I had to go to a joint session with her therapist, which was... weird. She was nice, but was very much like the Barbara Streisand character in "Meet The Fockers"!

    As for me, we I'm... struggling. I thought I was doing fine this summer, but it seems that stuff over the last couple of months, has shown that I've only been keeping a bit of a lid on things,
    Back in the beginning of September, I took on the role of producing content for the paper in the run up to the Iceland airwaves music festival. With me being stupid, I decided to do the best job that I could. This meant that it pretty much became a 2nd full time job, with me getting up at 6:30am to go to my regular job, then coming back home, doing interviews and writing till 11pm. With Sigga's problems, the stress of 2 jobs, and well as some admittedly out of control moments of drinking, had meant I've pretty much being fraying quite badly, to the point where two weeks ago I nearly completely broke down in front of everyone at the first staff meeting during the festival (On that day, we had to pull a feature because the subject pulled a hissy fit and threatened to sue me, which caused my bosses to question everything I did. And SWANS cancelled their performance that day!).

    I managed to get through the festival without coming to any harm. But now I just feel completely bottomed out and totally empty inside. I'm so tired but I can't sleep and I find myself crying on the bus, or getting angry at everything to the point where I'm almost screaming at my co-workers for nothing at all. And then i find i beat myself up inside for being so stupid. And wash rinse, repeat. I don't really leave the house that much these days.

    It´s gotten to the point where after much coaxing from Sigga and a friend, I too am going to see a psychiatrist for the 1st time ever on Monday. i really don't know what or why I'm doing this. I'm not sure what to expect. I don't think I'm that bad, but Sigga has told me that she's worried about me, and I don't want to scare her.

    The YAY

    Um.... OK, There was something i received last week, which did make me feel good inside for a while. Actually it was two things. It was message from two acts that i covered at the festival. One was a metal band who thanked me for the kinds words i had written about them, and the metal scene in Iceland in general (the mainstream press doesn't cover it that much). The second was from the singer in an Electro goth rock band to thank me for what I've been writing so far and to keep it up, etc. This was nice from them, as frankly i don't think my writing is that good at this moment.

    Sorry, I'm going on here. there's guys here like Patrick who's lost his mum (He's right - It does kill you inside). Hey man, just do your best, and we'll be there for you if you do need us at any time. And make sure those jokes are as morbid as hell - they do help.

    as for everyone else. Take care, love each other, etc. and try not to do anything stupid, OK?
  3.  (10874.10)
    @icelandbob
    -First therapist/psychiatrist sessions tend to be questionaires and get-to-know-you type things. Nothing too bad. You'll do fine, and hopefully find the help you need so you can tell your brain and emotions to chillax, get some sleep and get back on track. Sounds like it's beeen rather crazy over there to say the least. Lotsa e-hugs,
    -roo.
    •  
      CommentAuthortexture
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2012
     (10874.11)
    @icelandbob - Working long hours for little or no pay and then almost getting sued for what you wrote? That is fucked up. I can totally see how it would happen though, and why it would be a tipping point. I have definitely been close to that myself on occasion, trying to balance two 40-hour weeks, only one of which pays. Sorry to hear about your troubles, man, hope you and Sigga are okay, and good luck with the psychiatrist.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2012
     (10874.12)
    @At Everything That Reeks Of Putrefaction: I-I-I...FUCKING REPENT BEFORE I GUT-FUCK EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR!

    In Rehab, in pain, In a colon-tract of seething, foul hatred of every bastard that tries to control my fury and psychosis.

    Burn on my lap, crack 'ho! Eat the rancid-dementia from my fog-brained simian skull!

    Oh, fuck-it-all, just MELT!!!!

    @Self: Having a bit of a bad day, are we?
  4.  (10874.13)
    Well Fuck:

    I didn't do a rant about how work went on Sunday because I really didn't see the point. It sucked in many many ways, and went really really poorly, but I survived and it was over, and I figured that was good enough. Hahahahaha. Nope. I got a warning as a result. Apparently being exhausted (which is kind of my normal), and taking caffeine pills (also my normal), and then having to deal with the side effects of said caffeine pills (not my normal) and not knowing how to core apples and being slow at it as a result is a very bad thing. Understandable, but there really is only so much I can do about the exhaustion. Granted, part of it was because I was using all of my brainmeats trying to get that website going, and then my therapy sessions have been more intense lately (and there was one on Friday) and so I was more worn out than usual, but there really is only so much I can do. The kicker is, this problem isn't new for me. This is a reoccurring problem. I get tired and I get slow. And if I could fix it, I would. But I can't. Fuck. My life is turning into waiting periods between work, in which I try to survive the shift, and then go back home and so anything to take my mind off of how much my life sucks.

    Depression and exhaustion and all that sort of stuff, could you just sod off now? Please?

    Yay? The internet and phone at my parents were not working, but it got fixed. I did sleep beautifully Sunday night/Monday morning, and got to feel more awake than I had in ages, which was nice while it lasted. People were generally nice to me at work yesterday? I'm guessing out of pity.

    Everyone Else:
    @oldhat: So glad to hear that the beer stuff is going well. It's always nice to see creative efforts get recognized. Kudos! Also, slightly jealous at being a test subject for delish food.

    @icelandbob: Sorry to hear about all the stress you've been going through, but very glad you're seeing a psychiatrist. And like texture said, first sessions usually are about getting to know you and general sort of stuff. I hope you get lots of help and that things become more manageable.

    @flecky: Respect for surviving as long as you have. Hoping the best.
  5.  (10874.14)
    The boooooo

    Baby is now nearly nine days overdue. My poor partner is hardly able to walk now, and is struggling to sleep at all. I was tense last week, I'm ten times worse now. I worked at home for three days this week so I could do the school run for her and then took leave until the official paternity leave starts, but made the mistake of checking in with the office yesterday - something which I'd been working on seems to have gone pear shaped and that's sent my anxiety levels through the roof - have been necking valerian tablets like sweeties , and I need to do a hell of a lot of mental repair work to stop the worry about that consuming me for the next two weeks until I go back.

    And the kids have been a sodding nightmare as well, I guess they're really fazed by what's going on as well - they've been shipped off to my partner's mother for two nights this week when we thought she was going into labour, but they're playing up really badly and fighting over stupid things; my increasingly desperate appeals to 'just please help us out here' are being ignored… DEVIL SPAWN. Partner's in for induction Monday, so at least we know there's an end date to this, but fuck, I want a drink so badly and I can't have one in case I have to drive at short notice.


    The wahooooo

    I'm not at work any more. Which is really good, even though I'm horribly wired… been sorting out things in my Cave - got a camp bed in there now so I can escape from the screaming if necessary and lie there and listen to rain drumming on the roof which is very cool. I've rebuilt my 6 year old desktop machine (the case is actually 12 years old) with a new processor, motherboard, memory, silent fans, silent power supply and wireless card (I meant to just get a faster processor for it but kind of got drawn in to one of those stupid techno-upgrade waterfalls).

    And I've kind of enjoyed picking the girls up from school, sort of, even though they normally moan like hell at me because I'm not their mother or their nan - I've kind of felt more like a proper parent and not a wage slave.

    The thinking of yoooooo

    @bob - Jesus - my heart goes out to you and Sigga. What you're both going through is really, really, fucking hard, really, really painful and it's going to have taken its toll on you as well as her, especially with work pressure on top. It does take a hell of a lot of guts and courage to admit you need support though, and I hope you get what you need on Monday. Massive manly hugs to you both.

    @oldhat - yay for the pub idea - don't know how things work in Canada, but some years ago in Winchester a group managed to get lottery funding to start up a bar/arts venue - they put on local drama productions and gigs, which secured them the money. Was a brilliant venue (and my weekend home) for a few years until they fucked it up by showing football and attracting teenage casuals. Don't know if there's any similar route you could take to help get started?

    @trini - all that rings a bell - that tired/slow/waiting in between work - yep, sucks. Can you do anything, even small steps to try and turn it around? I managed at the start of the year by forcing a routine of helpful things (better food, more exercise, making myself read) to slowly fight off the crippling slow lethargy (I've gone back to it mind, but it worked for a while...). Hope you can find a way out of it.
  6.  (10874.15)
    THEM:

    @oldhat - I feel you, lady. It's really frustrating to try and get back into it when things like walking can fuck you up for days. Keep at it!

    @icelandbob - No matter what you write, be it awesome happy or mind-bendingly craptastic, it always makes me with we were IRL friends.

    @hex - damn. my belated condolences. and... apologies that you didn't get your ass verbal led handed to you here by someone? I think?

    SELF HARM:

    Sickness sickness sickness. Bladder infection being only just kept at bay with steady stream of cranberry extract, which I then wrecked by completely demolishing my inside by eating uncooked beans. Did you know raw beans are toxic? I didn't. Now I do. Now my insides hate me more than before. All day yesterday I had to pee ever half an hour. Because of this I missed my Great Uncle's funeral today, because I knew I'd never survive the over an hour bus ride.

    GOODNESS ME:

    I seem to have found myself a freelance position as photographic assistant / prop stylist, and it's a position where the fact that I brought along my own mini vaporizer was looked on quite favorably.

    I managed to explain succinctly to my father via email why I would not be attending Thanksgiving with his family.

    I've got general physical therapy starting next week and pelvic floor physical therapy starting next month! I hope I'm gonna be like THIS lady!



    I've also got medical tests tests tests coming up! One of them is a tension test. I hope I'm gonna be like THIS dog!



    I'm volunteering at WFMU next week (health willing), which makes me happy, because WFMU is awesome and they got super fucked from the Hurricane Sandy.

    Tomorrow I'm going to see my fellow give a talk at a Tourette's organization!
    •  
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2012
     (10874.16)
    HI, HONEY! I'M HOME! aw jeez.

    Reversing the order because I'm useless at the best of times but getting better ...

    @the management - sorry I kicked the furniture.
    @flecky - you have strength you haven't found yet. don't worry, it's there. You're big enough to have it now.
    @bob- my heart to you, sir. In Canada, we worship you. We really do. It's a northern thing.
    @oldhat - OLDHAT IS THE FUCKING BEST, EVERYBODY! No, really.
    @everybody - thanks for your support. Really.
    @Peter Kelly - sooooo ..... your whiskey of choice is? Thanks, man. WHITECHAPEL REPRESENT, YO! HE WENT TO MY MOTHER'S FUNERAL!

    .... (triste)

    ... which was Wednesday. The usual risible universal church service. A French priest. (IT WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU TO GET AN IRISH PRIEST?! OR ANYTHING BUT A FRENCH PRIEST?!), who read the stage directions at the cemetery ("The priest will now bless the grave." OH, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING? I'M SOME KIND OF FUCKING PAGAN WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO A FUNERAL BEFORE! May I remind you I used to be a fucking altar boy and if I catch YOU fucking an altar boy, Father Frency Fancypants, I'll cut off your testicles and feed them to frogs and horses. You Gallic cunt. You gotta lotta damn gaul ....!)

    Honorable mention goes to the Ukrainian crypto-fascist Funeral Director and the wretched Portugese immigrant WHO ALMOST FUMBLED THE URN INTO THE GROUND. And really, that hole was barely big enough to fit a goddamn rose-bush, let alone my sainted Irish mother. I KNOW she was petite but this is fucking ridiculous. And you, gravedigger butterfingers? See me after class. #wepaidfivehundredbucksforTHAT

    Today, I went out, for kinda really the first time, to a place that wasn't a hospital or a liquor store, to meet my sister for drinks at her local. I didn't call in advance, my sister is a creature of habit, she'll be there. I can present her with my mother's wedding ring (the one that was MISPLACED BY THE HOSPITAL AND WE ONLY GOT BACK because me & me dad went in and I had a look on my face that frightened EVERYONE. (Seriously? I AM TERRIFYINGLY, PANTS-SHITTINGLY INTENSE these days.Maybe it's my new haircut - when I have long hair, I look non-threatening, laid back, whatever. WHEN I HAVE SHORT HAIR, I LOOK NOTHING LIKE THAT. Feel me?)

    So I attend the establishment and She's Not There. I ask the manageress if she's been in. "No, she called, she ain't coming." Well, I'm her brother. Is it okay if I sit at her table? "Do whatever you want, she's not there." OKAY.

    I sit down. Minutes stretch by, crawling on little stumps. Attractive waitresses float by and ignore me. The lady manageress studiously ignores me. No nothing. The place is practically empty.

    Two hung-over bros sit down at the table across from me. They get served BEFORE ME. Beers and big glasses of ice water*.

    FINALLY, the Most Beautiful Woman In the World, my waitress, attends my table. "Thank God, you're here!" I say, maybe a little too loud. (I do that sometimes.) "A menu, please. And a pint of Harp." They don't have it anymore. "Kilkenny'll do."

    Twenty-two bucks for a club sandwich and a beer. Oh and I asked for a glass of water* and instead of a pint glass, I got a rocks glass. What am I, Charlie Brown? No tip, natch. I'm debating about whether or not to inform my sister about this unforunate incident. She's a regular Regular. When I expressed my displeasure at the crap level of service to the lady manageress, she said to me "well, I know HER, I don't know YOU." Heh. OKAY.

    TRES JOLIE, BIEN SUR!

    Like I said,I'm INTENSE now. Writing like mad and not badly. Today, in the liquor store, a girl (woman? I dunno, a cutie, mid-twenties) took one look at me and stopped in her tracks like a deer in the headlights, literally, as I was travelling toward her to the cash desk. Honestly, it's a bit of an ego boost when you notice somebody checking you out.My Favorite Cashier also checked out my act quite approvingly. And she is a FOX so that was nice.

    Gotten a lot closer to my dad. Any problems I have to the side, the poor man's lost his wife of 55 years (we just celebrated it). I had to teach him how to do laundry. (HE DIDN'T FUCK IT UP! Of course, I only let him practice with sheets and I had to do it anyway but I told him how much soap to use and HE REMEMBERED THAT PART! So yay me.) But yeah, me and me da are gettin' to be quite chummy. Going to see LINCOLN tomorrow, who's quite a hero of both of us. (MY DAD is a Civil War Nerd. Me too, a bit. Family vacations were spent touring battle sites. And they were fondly remembered.) Been digging up a lot of old pictures, connecting with family. It's ... good.

    Crying a lot less. Everyday, little bit less. Lots of support from people I barely know. Thanks again.

    PETER KELLY CAME TO MY MOM'S FUNERAL. He never met her. He didn't even know anybody else there. I introduced him to some people but I slept-walked through the ridiculous ceremony, clutching my great-grandfather's watch, jonesing for a beer and a cigarette. I OWE PETER KELLY A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY.

    Carry On Whitechapel.
    •  
      CommentAuthorrazrangel
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2012
     (10874.17)
    It may be that the best way to attack this thread is once one is well into one's cups. Or half way insane. Or maybe that's just me.

    The OH, NO!
    Perhaps not spectacularly professional to post this online but I will elide names and places and simply note that previous to this weekend I had delineations for "diva" actors and "princess." Diva actors are the standard shit has to go their way or else and who make other people work much harder than normal, for the regular return that non-diva actors give. Princess is a nickname given to diva-ish actors who not only have to make everything happen on their terms, but go in and demand changes to the show because of some XYZ reason of their own, regardless of how much or little they understand the show. And this weekend I have discovered another sort, the bitchass motherfucker. The btmr will do things their way, ignore everyone else's pleas that they don't, throw their invented power around and declare that they are imbued with the right to threaten people's jobs if they don't perform as desired.

    It's not really been disasterously bad. Yet. But I'm trying to be so well collected and professional that I don't just laugh in this btmr's face. It's kind of hard. I am a little worried that this person will just up and do something bad for the show because they (of course) think that they know all and therefore nothing they do can possibly be wrong. But other than that I almost want to print out the last email they sent to me - CCing the *entire* cast in order to make sure everyone knows they are a btmr - and frame it. It demands an apology for an email I sent in private correcting some of their actions, and furthermore insists that the email I wrote should only have been a thank you.

    I mean that's comedy. And offensive. And horribly, hideously funny. (And it's a good fucking thing I feel like laughing. The alternative seems to be exploring the option of fucking walking. Because FUCK THIS HORSESHIT SIDEWAYS.)

    The Oh, HEY!
    This weekend went fucking nuts in a hurry. It's nice to be needed and to have things to do that are totally My Thing. But I am BU-ZEE. Jamming from 10am to now (about 2am). There's a low key party going on around me, so who knows if I'll be able to get some sleep tonight. And then up first thing for a workshop at 9am, matinee of my show at noon, and then go run another show at 5pm. All I can do is freaking PRAY I don't fall asleep during any of this. If you think long plays can put you to sleep, try watching it for the dozenth time with no sleep. Balls. Just hoping that my friend comes through on the second play and I do get a little bit of cash out of it. A half a tank of gas is worth skipping sleep...?

    It's really fun to get to all of this, I just wish I didn't have to worry about little things like finding the time to eat or sleep. Freaking details. They'll ruin your day.

    But...the funny thing is that due to all this work this weekend I am dying for it to be Monday! HAH that's what I get for being into theatre. Mondays are for R&R. I love Mondays. I want it to be Monday.

    The HEY, YOU GUYS!

    @Hex - I kinda want to kiss with you and dance with you. But that could be the half bottle of wine talking. I mean I kind of want a cigarette too even though I KNOW I'll just two puffs in and get bored of it. Uh...back on track... man. I don't know what would be better to say other than you're on my mind and I wish shit weren't so shitty for you, but there's nothing for it...shit just has to suck until it doesn't. Or until you don't really notice the suck anymore except for once in a while when you're driving in the rain and your mind is wandering and your remember the sound of a voice and then you can't breathe and you sort of half way whisper a prayer to them and you sort of half cuss out the world but mostly you try not to crash your car while you cry just a little bit. I don't know why that leads me to wanting to kiss (I mean, well...drinking...but aside from that) other than reading what you wrote and feeling like I get it even though I don't and just wanting to share something but having nothing (the wine is gone). Just... thinking about you.

    @Trini - *perfectly chaste virtual hug* Sucks being tired at work and no option but chemical up-ness and just hoping you can fake the attention. It just sucks. I hope you can get some proper rest and find work that is interesting enough that you can't wait to do it.

    @JP *warm handshake* Hope the wait is over, poppa.
  7.  (10874.18)
    YAAAAAAAAAYYYYY

    Baby came... everything went OK, she's home safely and all my girls are back. And the thing is, it changes a lot more for me than just having another kid. I think, for the last three years, the whole process of having another baby has been the absolute be all and end all for my partner, and it seems to have defined everything about our relationship. We didn't agree on it for a long time, it caused an awful lot of angst and difficulty, and when it turned out to be more complicated than before it all got worse. When we lost a baby last year, it was one of the darkest periods I've ever been through; when she fell pregnant again this year, she was totally convinced that it wouldn't make it after being told by a consultant that there was a chance she'd need surgery before being able to sustain another pregnancy, so it hasn't really been a relaxing few months. And now all that terror and tension has gone, it just melted away on Saturday afternoon. None of it seems to matter any more, at least not now. She's so happy, and I feel churlish for my three years of boundless nihilism.If I could just bottle this feeling of calm and keep swigging from it, I'd be made for life.

    Bittersweet boooo

    In-laws sold their yacht. Good thing for them, and a real relief, they really needed the money and it was costing a fortune to berth it, far more than they could afford. But I had a fantasy about taking it on and learning to sail, we'd kicked around an idea of a few of us getting together to refurbish it and use it but didn't come to anything. If only I had the money... and that's really all I care to moan about right now. A non moan, just a faint, wistful 'oh well'.


    E-hugs

    @Raz - could you 'accidentally' reply to the email and cc in THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD? People like that need a slap in the face with a wet kipper to bring them down to earth.
    @Hex - glad you made it through the funeral. Salutes to Peter Kelly...
    •  
      CommentAuthoroldhat
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2012
     (10874.19)
    BOOOOO:

    - Been in a hell of a lot of pain recently due to overexerting myself by walking a few miles. Work has been pretty hard to do and painkillers just aren't helping.

    - Very tired. For the past three weeks I've been getting about 2-4 hours of sleep a night (mostly due to getting home from work really late and restlessness when I go to bed). Hoping for a day alone in my house so I can sleep undisturbed. As it is, when I get home from work and attempt to nap, people around the house decide to pick that time to want me for everything. So...that doesn't happen.

    - American Thanksgiving frenzy is making me think about my family and how much I miss them. Don't talk to my Canadian relatives and the relatives in England are...well, in England, so it's usually just me and my parents for Big Family Stuff (made a touch more depressing with the notable absence of my brother, who passed away in 2009). Bah. Bitch and moan.

    YAAAAAY:

    - To those wondering about the depression, it's still there, but manageable. Basically I've gone from dealing with a whole whack of things that caused a breakdown to about two things (missing the hell out of Person of Significance and issues around weight) which...I can deal with. Those things aren't really that new, to be honest so it's fine.

    - So, I was invited to join the committee for the Toronto chapter of Barley's Angels, a group essentially setting out to educate women on the world of Craft Beer. Last night was my first meeting and it went pretty well, I thought. I got some ideas out there and much to my surprise made a good impression. I have some reservations, but I guess we'll see how it goes.

    - The weather is cold and I am LOVING the sweaters. And my homemade Batman heatpack (though I just found a fabric with villains on it, so I might make another). And intentionally lowering the heat at night so I can bundle up in the thickest blankets. And my armwarmers. Ah, the cold!

    - A trip to Regina may be in my future.

    Boy-howdy:

    @JP, again, congrats on the child!
    @Hex, Good to see you got out of that alright. Call me for drinks soon. And Peter Kelly isn't allowed to leave sober.
    @Rachael, I am just not used to this. I'm the type whose default mode of transportation is walking, so getting fucked up with pain after even a light walk is screwing with my head. Blegh.
  8.  (10874.20)
    We need to have another Thirsty & Miserable night.