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  1.  (10956.1)

    An old friend brought me out for Korean food last night, and I ate so much spicy food it helped battle the new cold that has rested in my throat and sinuses.


    The fabulous guitarist of Psychic TV has made my new photograph of him his default fb photo (just like he did last year!)

    magick guitar
    (last year's was better!)

    I am going to see Graveyard tonight! So excited!


    Aforementioned (married) friend kept trying to snuggle with me and asked me to make out.

    I'm still sick with cold, which is not how I wanted to be to see Graveyard play tonight! :(


    @Mister Hex - High five!

    @Dorkmuffin - Will I see you tonight at Music Hall of Williamsburg?
  2.  (10956.2)
    I'm home again, and today stepdad was human instead of scary monster man.
    ALSO: I got on the waitlists for BOTH the housing places I applied to. Wait's around 6mo+ but better than not on the list at all!~
    Staying at a friend's overnight did help.
    Stepdad's going to the doctor monday to hopefully find out why he has turned into asshole man.
    Maybe it's his meds? or a tumor? -mom says he hasn't been drinking lately so my theory of alcohal related assholishness is down the drain. In anycase he hasn't physically hurt anyone.
    Stress has made me tired all the time, and also I want to like, have an IV of Mountain Dew or never ending can of it or something. Or water. Whatever. I'm always thirsty :P New meds have a ways to go before they kick in so I'm still feeling the full efects of anxiety+depression+NOS without a buffer. Most of the time I just feel jittery or like crying whenever anything happens. WAH. :P
    Even though Stepdad's going to the doctor monday, I'm still worried about asshole man appearing again, and possibly killing us all. Apparently that's not an exactly logical fear, and probably from growing up from watching unsolved mysteries and america's most wanted and shit, but that's how my brain works: Angry scary people kill people. It makes sense to me!

    Thankyou for the words of support and kindness everyone.
    You guys are my sane brain/ego. :D

    Glad you're alive and in one piece. Lots of hugs.
    Car crashes are scary as fuck.
    Hope the weather mellowed out for you. It's been stupid cold and shitty here, too.

    -Hope all ya'll in lands of wintery driving shit drive safe and don't get into any accidents and shit.
    • CommentTimeJan 27th 2013
    @Rachael, jesus god I should have checked here before heading out, but yes. I'm editing the photos now hhahahaha. WELP. COORDINATION. WE'LL HAVE TO DO IT PROPERLY AT SOME POINT.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeJan 28th 2013 edited

    I didn't get a chance to get on here the other day, as I still have limited access to the Web-Thing. I'm still in rehab, grinding my way through it all, and I've got about 5 weeks left. Damn, the best way to describe this place is: imagine having to live with a load of people in close quarters, some who I wouldn't have shit-to do-with in the "real world", being stuck in a village where everyone seems to know everyone's business, and having to go to groups, workshops etc. everyday at a rundown school at the top of a hill. I know, it probably sounds pretty naff, but it could be a lot worse.

    Fucking crap; I've got cold/flu again! I had it about a month ago, which was a messy time - sneezing constantly, snot pouring out my nose, looking like some infected bastard gagging to bite someone.

    Seriously, though, I've been having some horrible paranoid moments recently; times when you just can't connect with people, or you've got so much shit going on in your head that words seem really futile and just not doing what they're meant to. Being human can be such hard work when you are forced to dissect every bloody feeling. For a relatively sensitive bloke (PUKE!), I must be quite thick-skinned to have survived this place.


    I'm having my first visit back to London this weekend, and I'm going to be staying with an OK mate who is also a recovering addict. If I adapt to a mode of hyper-vigilance and keep away from old haunts etc., I reckon I should be fine.

    Even though I sometimes don't think I'm doing well, if I look back to how utterly fucked I was, say, two years ago, I am doing freakin' amazing. Shit, I'm no longer reliant on a walking stick, so that's a miracle unto itself.


    I'm gonna have to leave this bit, as I've got to split to get me dinner. But I hope everyone is as good as can be.


    EDITOADD: I've just printed everyone's posts out, so I'll be reading them on my bed later. What a nice guy!
    • CommentAuthorDarkest
    • CommentTimeJan 28th 2013
    Bad: Am studying for my theory test for the third time for Tuesday, not a big fan of studying, comics for jan were delayed until Tuesday. Hope they all arrive. The Girl I was talking about last time said she's rather just be friends, which is fine but it always takes a little while to switch from seeing someone one way back to how you used to see them, kind of. Hate the fact that there doesn't seem to be any interesting available ladies around. Get a life and cast my net wider maybe?

    Good: I became 25 about a week ago (on the 22nd) got some nice gifts and cards from folk. Got a ticket to see Lord Warren Ellis in London and if my schedule doesn't clash I hope to brave the Excel centre to see Kieron Gillen at Super Comic con. Might buy tickets to see Delphic too.

    Moral Support:

    @Flecky- glad to hear from you.

    Sentimental Platitudes fro Everyone! I'm not in an especially imaginative mood today.
  3.  (10956.6)
    I've been trapped awake, with leg pain, since before the sun rose. It's not horrible, but it's damn sure not restful.

    I've made progress toward two of this year's resolutions. My blood pressure is down, and I have a bigass stack of drawing and comics-writing books to work through. Some of them have assignments, and the one I got for Christmas from my Secret Santa is a damn textbook - it's awesome.

    Cara - Being a former Troubled Youth, it makes me really angry that teachers' jobs are dependent on students' test scores. I had a multitude of magnificent teachers, some of whom focused mostly or entirely on us Bad Kids, and if they were judged on my test scores back then... well, I'm grateful that I went through school before the new testing rules. I'm also grateful to good teachers who will kill their backs sitting in a hallway with kids who have a hard time passing their tests. So, I don't know, pretend I'm one of your kids who's having trouble, because I can't thank the teacher who made the biggest difference in saving my education, and your students may be too busy being kids to say it - Thank you for what you do.

    Um. It's early. Pardon the rant.
  4.  (10956.7)
    @rough night-Thank you very much, that is most appreciated.
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeJan 30th 2013 edited
    @cara - when I was in Senior Kindergardten (5 years old?), my mom was called by my teacher to come by for a "visit". My mom thought this fairly ominous but agreed and a time was arranged, about 1:30 on Wednesday. At the time appointed, my mom attended, checked in at the office, was directed to the classroom, flagged down Teacher through the window and was greeted in but quietly. Half the class was napping quietly. Another few were playing in a corner, again, quietly.

    My mom scanned the room quickly but couldn't pick me out. To this point, the teacher had not explained WHY she had called my mom in for a "visit". Teacher finally pointed out a distant corner, shielded by a small wall of wooden blocks, where five or six students sat in a semi-circle, me in the middle, reading to them. READING TO THEM.

    "I use him as a bargaining chip. 'If you're good, Patrick will read you a story.' Tell me. How is it that he knows how to read so well? I thought he was faking at first but he DOES know how to read. How is that possible?"

    My mom responded - "He's been reading since he was three. Same as me." And shrugged.

    I told this to a friend of mine and she said "Oh. My. God. The system failed you. Completely."
    And I said "Everybody fails. At one point or another. The point is to learn."

    YOU teach PEOPLE HOW TO LEARN. That alone gets into MY Blue Heaven.

    ETA ~ THIS.

  5.  (10956.9)
    @Mister Hex-Thank you very much. I personally, had a really horrible experience in school. I did have some good teachers and I am still friends with some of them, but one of the reasons that I decided to become a teacher is that I wanted to try to give students a better experience than the one that I had. Your story is wonderful :)
  6.  (10956.10)
    @Greasemonkey: Thanks for the extra info, and for being patient with my tendency towards skepticism.
    • CommentTimeJan 30th 2013 edited
    @Trini: Skepticism GOOD. Don't hesitate if you have any further questions.
  7.  (10956.12)
    Hi Whitechapel, long time no Open Mic (on my part)-

    The Bad: Employment. Still not a thing that I have. I actually stopped looking for a while after seeing a former co-worker with much more experience than I take a temporary tester position instead of a salaried lead position. So I decided to concentrate on learning Java and Android development (good thing), but that's lead to Bad Thing 2: I am stuck on the game that I was making. The code for Version 1 is pretty much done, but I need art, and I am no good at art, and can't afford to commission an artist (well, I maybe could, but it would decimate my savings. I also assume commissioning someone to do art that I'm going to redistribute in another form instead of just something I want for myself brings with it a bunch of complications). So it's sitting undone and unreleased while I occasionally try to do some of the art myself. I am applying for jobs again, but haven't heard anything back from the first batch I applied to the week before last (other than one of the positions has been filled). If I don't hear anything back by next Monday I'll be applying for temp tester positions because I really really need to have income that is not unemployment so I can move out of my dad's and get overdue car repairs and health and dental coverage would be nice.

    The Good: The Ex (over whom I have publicly shed many tears on the Open Mic) and I are sporadically speaking again, and we even hung out back in November. I'm still completely crazy about her (it took pretty much all of my willpower not to try and kiss her when we were just sitting in my car chatting) and trying my level best not to be obsessive about her and so far so good, I guess. The game being at Beta is also a good thing (shameless link to beta video), as is having managed to teach myself enough Java and Android stuff to get it there.

    @Roo: Glad you made it through your crisis and hope you manage to get out of that poisonous environment
  8.  (10956.13)
    @cara - Had some really bad experiences with teachers. When I was about 12, I made a slightly silly joke in a lesson, and the teacher basically called me a smartarse who was too big for his boots. That one comment, probably not even meant too harshly, destroyed my self esteem for about 10 years. I can't remember a single sentence that's had such a devastating effect on me. Don't know why, I can remember the feeling clear as anything, almost like my personality, all my confidence unravelling, slipping away. I pretty much didn't say a word in a group setting until university - before, I'd been one of the keenest to contribute, I just couldn't face the risk of being thought of as arrogant. Silly really, looking back, but that really messed me up...

    ...and when I was only about what, 5, 6 - the class was asked to draw red apples. I'd never seen one. My parents never bought them, I'd only ever seen green ones. I drew a green one. The teacher yelled at me and screwed it up. Another one, when I'd just moved to a new school, picked me out because I didn't sing along with the class, to a bloody song that I'd never heard in my life before and so didn't know the words - 'you think you're too good to join in?' I think somehow that might be the root of the distaste I have for authority figures - if I go into my daughters' school now I always get tense and ready to pick an argument, doesn't help that a lot of the school staff have a kind of bossy, patronising manner that really rubs me up the wrong way.

    But I did have some good ones somewhere along the line, a couple inspirational, if I was still in touch I couldn't thank them enough. So yeah, think that being a teacher is a huge responsibility, the ones who get it right have my total admiration.
  9.  (10956.14)
    @JP Carpenter, my fifth grade teacher told me to get out of my desk and then proceeded to dump it on the floor and made me clean it up in front of everyone. So I've been there, I think those of use who had bad experiences when we were in school have empathy for the kids.
    • CommentAuthorFlabyo
    • CommentTimeJan 31st 2013
    The Sunshine

    The horrible icy cold weather has buggered off of late, and it's improved my general mood immensely. Over the weekend I went to a retro games event at a pub in the next town over, which was seriously good fun. Old games, friends and beer is a good combination and one I can definitely recommend. Tempted to try and do something like it myself as I know plenty of people who would come and could bring things, just need to find a fairly cheap place to do it.

    They had giant gameboys (about 3 feet tall) made out of wood. There was a two player Tetris competition on them. It was good.

    The Rain

    The game I'm tooling about with to teach myself iOS is steadfastly refusing to be any fun to actually play. I don't know how long I'll continue with it before I consign it to the vault of 'game ideas that just don't work'. It's slow progress, I'm used to things going far more quickly because I've never had to actually design the entire thing I'm working on before, I can tell you that it's harder than a lot of game designers make it look, hehe.

    The Umbrella

    @David - yup, I know several people in that same situation and I'll probably be there myself soon. It seems that us coders love to try and fly solo but then forget we can't draw for shit... I'll probably have to tap up those game artists I do know and beg for charity for that first release, but as the 'should you work for free' chart shows, that ain't gonna be easy...

    As a result I'm trying desperately to come up with an art light game design. Something like Hundreds would be perfect for me.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeJan 31st 2013 edited

    I'm fucking pissed-off right now - I don't even know why I'm typing this in. I got a letter today confirming that my hep c viral load is well over 6000,000! That's, like, fucking massive. The otherwise slight redeeming factor is that I've got genome type 3a, which means I will have to do 6 months of horrible treatment instead of 12.

    I going to London tomorrow, and the staff have informed me that some bloke is going to be coming in to share my room; some bod from prison, and I really can not be bothered with any attitude-crap. I dunno; maybe he'll be OK.

    I'm in fuck-it mode, still rough from cold/flu. Tired from feeling shite all the time, sick of this rehab. Tired of the people and the way I behave here. I really feel like not coming back. I can't even enjoy coming on this site, due to interweb time restrictions.


    I refuse to go on self destruct over other people's crap, or my own bollox. I wish I could think of something positive to write, but my head is cabbaged from playing guitar - really badly - for about 2 hours.


    @taphead: I hope that this year is better for you.
  10.  (10956.17)
    @Flecky- hope your roomate isn't an asshole, and that the hepC stuff goes away. :( *hugs*
    • CommentAuthor256
    • CommentTimeJan 31st 2013 edited
    @fleck - on the plus side, you've utterly won the tripartite title game.

    she was an animal! she was a bloody disgrace!
    • CommentTimeJan 31st 2013 edited

    - Getting to bed later than I'd like and not sleeping well, mainly due to nightmares or general crap stuff.

    - Been feeling a might lonely lately. Doesn't help that we're approaching Valentine's Day.

    - Found out the office that I'm working at is closing down in April and found out in the shittiest possible way. Will be out of work soon.

    - Feeling a bit shitty by all the beer stuff going on and the lack of coin to take part in them. Anxious as hell that the site hasn't been updated in a while.


    - POS e-mailed last week with a game suggestion. Felt good that I'm in their thoughts and the game is incredible as well.

    - Good friends now know that I need a bit of coaxing to get out of the house and are doing it. Bit by bit.

    - My crappy phone is dying quick and my provider is giving me a free iPhone 4S. Incredibly happy about this.

    - Using impending job destruction as an excuse to look for jobs at bars. A craft beer place has agreed to teach me how to operate/clean a draught system on Sunday, which will be very informative.

    - Have decided to look in to Cicerone Certification. As a beer friend pointed out "you're learning this stuff anyways, might as well have it lead up to something".

    - Just got interviewed by 680 News talking about Toronto beer stuff. The whole 15-20min interview will be put up online at some point and some snippits will go on the station itself on a loop. Plus I may be hooked up with getting on Breakfast Television. So that's pretty awesome.

    - DID manage to go to the event that the lady beer group that I'm part of put on. Was good to feel somewhat social again.

    - Made my homebrew over the weekend. It's currently bubbling away in the fermenter.

    - [edit] Just did a weigh-in and have lost 8lbs.


    @flecky, hope the treatments go well and that HepC crap clears up.
    @Roo, glad you're on the list for housing places. :)
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeFeb 1st 2013
    Cheers, everyone. After a pretty grueling night and morning in rehab, I traveled to London and am now safe at a mates gaff. I'm only visiting for two nights, so I'm going to do my best to enjoy the break. I'm also feeling a hell of a lot better and positive, so that's alright.

    @oldhat: I'm glad your good mates are there for you.