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  1.  (10956.1)
    THE TURD IN MY SOUP: Been running yet another flu since before Xmas, and in the middle of changing my diabetes meds (I'm now injecting a synthetic version of gila monster spit, which is nice). But it seems to be passing.

    THE GEM IN MY CROWN: I celebrated my 49th birthday today. First proper celebration post-divorce madness. Burlesque and wife cake was involved. It was a good Groundhog Day.

    Welcome back, Roo. All the best, luv.
  2.  (10956.2)

    I'm about to go out and celebrate my 36 trip around the sun myself.
    Glad you had a good day. hope tomorrow is even better.

    No complaints from me this time, partly because I had the best week at work I've had in years and partly cause I'm already half in the bag.

    @Whitechapel - Love you all
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd 2013

    Hafta clean up the kitchen. And the Cat areas. And My Room Where I Sleep.


    I have a Plan. Usually, I fly by the seat of my pants and while that's all Well And Good, A Plan Is Always Better.

    Should Said Plan Pan Out, I'll be SET like an Egyptian GOD.

    The Ladyfriend Situation? Is AMAZING. Seriously AMAZING.

    (Re- The Plan? I have an archive of photos from the fooking early twentieth Century. THEY ARE MINE TO DO WITH AS I SEE FIT. THEY ARE AMAZING. SOME OF THEM ARE DAGUERROTYPES, I think. I am now a living stock photo house.

    @oldhat - yes, yes y'all.
    @flecky - ibid.
    @all- ahhhhh. Me loves ya, yeah yeah yeah.
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd 2013
    Stock photo house!?

    • CommentAuthor256
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd 2013

    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd 2013
    Daguerrotypes? What types are those?
  3.  (10956.7)
    Daguerrotypes are old-timey photographs made on metal plates and developed with a bunch of toxic chemicals.
    • CommentTimeFeb 4th 2013
    Good: Got a therapist appointment, and changed up my novel outline method.

    Bad: My dad has a tumor on his liver!

    @Cat: Want that lizard venom
    @hex: D-types are amazing.
  4.  (10956.9)
    @greasemonkey- I have a few tintypes of family members somewhere. Fricken AWESOME they are!
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeFeb 4th 2013
    @Greasemonkey: Thanks.
    • CommentTimeFeb 7th 2013 edited

    - Still not sleeping much. Averaging on about 3 hours a night.

    - Got left a message from clinic saying that I'm now able to talk to the intake people for counselling...with the intake office only open from 9.30-11ish, so basically when I'm commuting to work and working. Hahahaha oh god.

    - Been getting annoyed with dad bit by bit. Working out has really reduced his weight and he's keeping it up, which is great...but he's got the annoying obnoxiousness of the newly converted. So that means when I slip up on the weightloss thing (as I did tonight, when I had some pub food), he makes these snippy comments that piss me off and make me feel worse. Blegh.


    - Depression is getting better. I'm getting ahead in some aspects and I'm feeling the sense of humour kick back in to gear a bit. Some memories that used to bring me down I can now look back on and feel warmth and good stuff from. Have been so busy that idle time to think about bad shit is pretty minimum. While I'm not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel just yet, I HAVE found a lantern someone left behind and am navigating around until I do.

    - I was on the radio last week, which resulted in a ton of pageviews to my site and offers of beer being delivered to me from breweries. Also been getting invited to events more, which is a lot of fun.

    - I learned how to replace a keg and cask, clean a tap line and pour the perfect pint on draft. I'm hoping at least this basic but essential experience will help me get a part time bartending job.

    - I have an iPhone at last! Feeling much more connected!

    - Managed to get a little over five hours sleep last night and it was GLORIOUS.


    @hex, sounds like a good plan indeed!
    @flecky, keep it up. :)
    • CommentAuthorDarkest
    • CommentTimeFeb 7th 2013
    Have been off caffeine for 8 days so far.Was fine until today did not sleep well and that started the cravings off. Fortunately stayed strong.

    Upside is when I do get to sleep I am actually able to wake up at a reasonable hour which was a problem. Just diet and exercise. Also I'm almost caught up to where I was in Dragon Age Origins. Also I got our shipment of comics at last.

    Glad everyone's ok.
  5.  (10956.13)
    I gave up caffeine for about three months last year to reduce my terrible habbit of 7 or 8 espressos a day. It was like having the worlds worst hangover for about three weeks, and then.....Sleep! I never felt better. I stopped smoking at the same time and seriously all I thought about was coffee,
    I'm back drinking the black stuff again, but no more that 3 in a day now and normally just the one at breakfast. (back on the fags too)
    • CommentTimeFeb 8th 2013
    Crash: I'm still alone. It's been two weeks. Two weeks. Every single day I have felt the urge to call and say "So? Are you on a bus yet?" Every single day I have thought about leaving the key in the mailbox just in case logistics get messed. Every single day I crawl into bed at night thinking "Maybe this will be the last night you sleep alone." I know it's my brain's fault, and not his, or the eight distinct circumstances that have delayed him. But today he actually made it to the bus, ticket in hand, to be turned away by a snowstorm that had grounded all routes. I feel like my body's just shutting down in defeat. I'm at work. It's not a good time to find myself suddenly physically immobile. I think I might need to go home early. Or to a bar. Whatever.

    Burn: The time I'm spending arguing with the faculty and staff of my grad program over the way it's run is getting to absurd levels. I'm probably going down to part-time next year just so I can stop taking it so seriously (and maybe so I can be around long enough to see some bureaucratic improvements). But I'm feeling belligerent in that I want my opinion known, my voice heard, basically to everyone who might be able to vote on my behalf. I'm blaming the hormones, but it's kinda fun.
    I can't help but look at this education thing as a financial transaction: I am, in fact, paying this place a fair amount of money in exchange for a service, and I don't really know what else I can do to make it clear that I'm not getting the service I expected. Maybe I'll ask the university for my money back. Maybe I'll sue them. There, that'll keep me busy.

    Crash Override: Toronto homeboys, glad to hear things are on the up-swing. Robin, three hours of sleep a night is a seriously rotten deal -- I hope you make it into the clinic ASAP.
  6.  (10956.15)
    Heaven knows I'm miserable now

    Mould. Mould. Mould. Fucking fungus. Because of the rain and the damp and the leaky roof, and possibly my levels of mint tea consumption, a hell of a lot of stuff I have been storing in my Man Cave has gone mouldy. The trouble is, I have expensive stuff.

    The roll call of despair so far.

    1x Lowepro Stealth Reporter camera bag - £120.
    1x Sigma 70-210 f2.8 lens - second hand value £200 or so, new, don't want to know
    1x Nikon 18-70 DX lens. Second hand, about £140
    1x Pentax K1000 camera. Value - not a lot, except sentimental - it was my 18th birthday present from my dad and now it seems to have something like a Star Trek space monster growing in the prism
    1x 35-70 f2.8 Nikon zoom - about £400
    6x Coilhouse magazines - irreplacable
    10 years of National Geographics
    1x cork noticeboard
    Books - now musty - probably £500

    I am cry much. Especially as I've just bought a bloody expensive camera that I can't really afford specifically so I could use all those lenses, only to find that my negligence has caused them all to be royally screwed. My father warned me, after nearly 40 years of realising that he's usually bloody right, you'd think I'd have listened...

    Asked about getting them fixed, no way that it's economically viable. So that's that.

    And, why does nothing bloody work? No 3g internet signal at work or on the train, so the access I pay for is pretty much worthless. My pc at work can't handle the files I need to work with so I end up spending half the day swearing at things. It also has a weird bug in outlook which stops the mouse working... one website I manage has myriad 'issues' that I can't seem to get resolved in any way... My desktop pc at home needed Windows reinstalling at the weekend because Microsoft are cocks. Burning DVD backups fucks up half the time. So I tried copying files to a usb hard drive, which fucked up too. I just don't understand what the hell I do to things to make them fail so much? Christ, it's not just technology... pretty much all the lights in the house have blown, the bath tap has died and my car has a coolant leak the garage can't find... I mean largely first world problems, but I just feel that life at the moment is a constant, bewildering battle against stupid environmental bullshit and it's at a time when I'm stupidly busy at work and at home and don't need random tomfuckery.

    Some girls are bigger than others

    Lens heartache aside, I have been out with my new camera, any opportunity. Just uploaded a bunch of stuff to Alamy, first time in 5 years I've tried to take things seriously. Have plans to try and sell prints. Feels good, I've kind of cast off the horrible lethargy of the past couple of years and am doing things. I'm hungry again. I'm worried about how to pay for everything I need. That's good, it means I'm not in stasis. It does mean I'm playing a bit of a dangerous game with mental stability - am trying to find a level of medication that allows me the energy and drive but doesn't let the anxiety/mood crashes back in. Am losing weight quite fast, I just have to take care - I've been waking a few times with the cortisol rush that's usually a precursor to something bad, but jesus, what's a guy to do if he wants to live as opposed to simply exist?

    Have just bought a couple of old nineties Nikon lenses to replace the dead ones, they will do until I can afford better, faster ones. I now need to get on and shoot stuff.

    And, in a week's time I've got two weeks off work and a further long weekend straight after. So pretty much the rest of February off.

    There is a light that never goes out

    @hex, long may the loving continue.
    @faux sorry to hear about your father, best wishes and luck
    @oldhat 'lantern' -that's a really good way of putting it. Hope you find your way out soon
    Everyone else... keep the home fires burning
    • CommentTimeFeb 8th 2013
    My computer is being a piece of shit. Crazy stuff happened to it last week on Friday where it looked like the video card was just not working. I'd start it up, I'd get a REALLY weird start screen in funny colors with lines that would then go black except for one blinking pixel. I restarted it a jillion times and then tried to start it up in target disk mode (it's a Mac) so I could back it up, and all of a sudden the monitor started working again.

    Naturally, I took it to the Apple Store after I'd backed up the whole gorram thing.

    It does this:

    And then this (note the white line and the small pixel on the bottom right):

    AUGH. I restarted it a thousand times just this now and managed to get it working again, but THIS CAN'T KEEP HAPPENING/IS A SIGN OF A GREATER OVERALL FAILURE THAT IS TOTALLY GONNA HAPPEN.

    Also the sads are in full force, but that's totally unrelated. The above is just salt in the wound.

    Also I have a bridesmaid dress that is a terrible color for my complexion.

    I might have a job interview. Actually i might have three. I've been shooting a lot of shows.

    And my manfriend and I are about to celebrate the 5 year mark.

    I've started therapy and it seems to be going okay.

    @Faux, augh, that blows. Good luck! Best wishes to your dad.
    @Oldhat, hang in there, lady. Do what you gotta do.
    @JP, ugh. I hope more of your stuff doesn't get fucked up. Do you have storage space in your house?
  7.  (10956.17)
    @Dorkmuffin: I have a feeling that this problem may be software not hardware. You may have been through these steps already, but try them if not:

    1. Zap the PRAM: restart while holding down apple-option-P-R and wait for it to chime 3 times. Then let it boot. If you get a working screen, then:
    2. Boot up from the recovery partition (if you have one, or OSX DVD if you don't) - then back up all your user data, run Disk Utility to check and repair the HD, erase the HD and perform a clean install of the current OS and your apps.
    3. If you don't get a working screen after step 1, plug in an external monitor to see if you can access the machine like that. If this fails, it's more likely to be your graphics chip than a software problem, so you'll need to take it to Apple.

    Hope this helps a bit, or if not, that it's irrelevant because you're already way ahead of me.
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2013 edited

    @JP - ZOMG. That's HORRIBLE. I am cry much. My feeling is hurt. Me hopes you do and keep doing. Sad. Sad boy I am now. Maybe is salvagable? Me hopes?
    @allana - to be fair, that snowstorm shut down the Eastern Seaboard. Don't worry, he'll be there soon.
    @dorkmuffin - I HATE COMPUTERS. (No, it's TRUE.)


    AAAAND there goes my dad, lumbering like an upright whale covered in gin-blossoms, into the washroom. He hardly hacked into the sink at ALL this morning. Weird.

    It is three months to the day since my mother had the poor timing to up and die on me.

    I'm on my third cup of coffee and halfway through my first beer. I have two cigarettes left. And slightly less money than I need to survive in this wretched snowbound country.

    YES, TODAY'S TOP STORY IS THE FUCKING WEATHER. I hate winter. HAAAAATE it. ("Then why do you live in Canada?" SHUT. IT.) Two feet of snow in the last twenty-four hours. KILLKILLHATEHATEHACKMURDERMUTILATE. And me, with two fags to me name. No way to get more but to mush and barter with the local Koreans. Fuck it right in the ear.


    Got a date with mah Ladyfrien'. Might even hook up with Greasemonkey down the big comic booky celebration thing at the Comic Book Lounge (formerly Dragon Lady Comics, a landmark of my childhood as a fanboy). Robin can't make it though, dash it all. Things going VERY WELL with Mah Ladyfrien', though. We are digging each other about the same, which is to say "very much, thanks", which is pretty awesome. Plus, if you give her fifteen minutes, she's likely to take over the world on you. Yes, she is THAT good. At everything. Frankly, I'm amazed and I wonder what she sees in me and then I look in a mirror or have a thought and I see what she sees in me. Sooooooo, yeah, as Eddie Izzard would say.

    Other Good Things Include General awesomeness happening all around (despite the fucking snow.). Sanctum? (Hey, buddy. I didn't even touch 'em!) Coming along VER' NICE. The post-cards from World War Two kind of add to the ambience. A Mad Men -era photo of my beloved Aunt Paddy. A glass boot from a twentieth-anniversary dinner of the end of the FIRST World War, with a pocket watch, inscribed to "Fitz", my great-grandfather, from the staff of the Toronto Telegram, 1916, sitting on my desk in front of me. A picture that should be in the Baseball Hall Of Fame, of Fitz back when he played ball, circa 1890s? 1900s? Only an forensic hairdresser would know for sure. Moo Hoo Ha. Ha.

    Also, I am not currently wearing pants. That is all.


    Gonna go out and get me a lotto ticket CAUSE I FEEL LUCKY.

  8.  (10956.19)
    Dorkmuffin: DP (Genius) says it could be the cable getting pinched - its really common in MBP. The pixels dropping out is also common, but not usually if the screen is less than 3 years old.

    Otherwise he says that everything Kay suggests is exactly what they should be doing at the Bar. In his store they'd sit you up and get you to go through the process there if you don't have applecare, but he thinks that whilst the customer service ethos supports this generally, its not worldwide policy :-(
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2013 edited
    @All, yeah. I took it to the Genius Bar and they ran a bunch of diagnostics and then did a TON of software updates (keeping it overnight). They couldn't replicate the problem though. And I don't really move the screen in the event it's a tripped cable, I just restart a TON and then it's fine? It's bizarre. I do have AppleCare but I'm hoping I haven't managed to trip the water sensor. Apparently those things are really sensitive.


    @Kay, I've actually done ... all of those things. :(