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  1.  (10956.1)
    @Hex: See you at 6pm.
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2013 edited

    Things continue to go great with the Adventure Girl. It's absolutely wonderful to have someone to really take on the world and to do stuff with - from clubbing to theatre to various adventures, with a healthy dose of just lazing around and watching movies or co-opping videogames. Thus far the match is stupefyingly good, which doesn't come easy for a challenging motherfucker like myself. I has a happy.

    The new job has been very interesting and intense so far, and accommodating with my quirks, like the dive school. And speaking of which, it has been also all sorts of awesome. Got pressurized to five atmospheres in an old navy pressure chamber, next week we are going to take some samples from the bottom of the sea ice, and got to dick around the primary marine research vessel of Finland - and got nominated as the board member of the research divers' society while I was there, but since I'm technically not a diver nor a member of the organization, it has to wait for the next year. Going to the Red Sea to study reefs next month with the school. Not hating the idea.

    Things are really looking up.


    Stuck with the novel. Stuck, stuck, stuck. Going through the cycle where I don't really want to write a single word ever, and don't even want to see the book, but I know better than to swear off writing. I hope the cycle turns again and gets the words going.

    Money, as usual, is still an issue for the next few months. The dive school and having to skip weeks of work doesn't really help. Just trying to be frugal and handle that shit somehow.


    @oldhat: Congrats on your wild success in the wonderful world of beer, and the depression being on the wane!
    @dork: Balls to that computer crap. Devil's machines...
    @JP: Ooooh shit man, that's a bad hit with and no mistake :/ Any chance insurance will help on that?
    • CommentAuthorScrymgeour
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2013
    unsurprisingly Vodka may be the answer here. Or even better everclear or other NGS. It is great for cleaning mould off of things (even helps foot odour), so give it a try on some of your lenses (obviously try it out on a cheap one first). Its a disinfectant and a great solvent so should work. Its one of the best glasses cleaners around so I would imagine it'll work well on lenses.
    Good luck
  2.  (10956.4)
    Yeah, the problem with lens mould is when it blooms INSIDE the lens. Then the lens has to be dismantled in order to be cleaned. The labour costs involved are usually more than the lens is worth. I have had this experience myself. I am pretty good at disassembling and repairing things, even fiddly little things, but the one lens I ever tried DIY mould removal on was a goner.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2013
    The Boo: I've got to do a speech for Toastmasters tonight and I am busy rehearsing it and keeping nerves calm.

    The Hurrah: I am off on a day trip tomorrow to visit a bird sanctuary called Owlcatraz! I'll be looking forward to putting up the photos on my Facebook.

    @Vornaskotti: I know the feeling about getting stuck. There is an aspect of my own novel that really needs reworking and I am stuck. All I can do is keep the faith that my subconsious will come through and provide the answer. And there are always dreams. Did you know that when Stephen King got stuck at one point, he put his trust into his subconscious to provide the solution with a dream? Then he had the dream and it became the next scene he wrote. I hear you can even programme your subconscious to provide the answer when you get stuck.
  3.  (10956.6)

    Yeah, that's more or less my approach to creative things, got my arse kicked in an amusing way by my subconscious last summer. Unfortunately this isn't about figuring out some plot point or theme - just finding the time to do grueling re-reading and editing and re-reading and editing - with time pressure since the deadline has whizzed past...
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2013
    Fuck everything.
    Today, I went into the studio to find that someone had stolen all my intaglio matrices. My copper plates were gone for the print that took me half a fucking semester, that I didn't print a proper edition of, that I only have one proof of with creases in it. That proof is in a nice frame because it was in my big show at the big museum at the end of last year, which is nice and all, but right now I just feel like it reinforces that people liked the thing and now there's not an edition and I can't print any or try and sell any or do anything with it, when I could have maybe managed to do that if I had the plates. The stuff that was stolen in general is incomprehensible, and the only explanation we can figure is someone wanted to be an asshole. If they wanted to sell the copper for scrap, they would've taken the big shit other people had, not my little 8" by 10" awkward kissy face with hickies. Someone else left their plate out and it wasn't stolen and it was 5 times the size of mine for fucks sake. They also took a couple of old zinc plates, which are worth basically nothing. And boxes and tools and library books and cds from other people. My professor is trying to figure out how to get the room locked off without inconveniencing everyone, putting things on the cupboards so we can lock them, and telling us all to buy locks, but it's much too late. I've had paper, prints, and mylar be snagged before (this school year, of course), but at least those things made sense to steal. I want to find out who did this so I can bash their skull in with a hammer.
    I spent the rest of the day working on a piece, but after some conversation I feel like I can't really use it, and so I'm sort of stuck and I don't know what my next thing is going to be. And I wasted the whole day drawing a thing I can't use.
    I was looking forward to a thing tonight that was feeding me, but then it was pizza. I'm so sick of pizza. College has made me hate the stuff. It's all anyone thinks people my age want, I swear. I know it's a little thing and I'm finding a cloud in a silver lining, but I don't care. Fuck pizza. The last time I chose to eat it, I spent the next couple of days throwing up and being unable to enjoy Christmastime, so that probably doesn't help my opinion of it. Try having little bits of peppers come up your throat for a day, and you might never want it again either.
    All in all it's been a grumpy day. Which is fine, grumpy days happen. If it were just today, I might not even bother posting. But things have been aggravating all around lately. I have this mental block making me feel like I can't work on anything because there's just too much I have to do, which has led to me being behind on everything. I don't have time to work on my art stuff because of school, even though I'm supposed to be going to school for art. So because the deadlines are more consistent, I've put off my print class for my other 3 classes, even though I'm less enthused by them and I'm actually getting paid to work on my stuff for print this semester. I just don't have the energy to do this anymore. I need to be done with all the information being piled into my head for a minute so I can digest a tiny bit of it. I know what I want to do, at least as much as I need to, but I'm being pulled in too many directions to manage it. I'm used to being the 3.7 GPA Full tuition scholarship always master of all things school related, and I don't know what broke but I think that was a different person and I just got her life and memories at exactly the wrong time. I don't have to be that anymore because there's no scholarship to keep for next semester but it keeps nagging at me that I'm not. I don't even know if any of this paragraph makes sense, but it's perfectly appropriate if it doesn't. Nothing in my head makes sense right now. I need to get out of my head. I need to run away. But I'm stuck here until May.
    I know I have it really good compared to a lot of people. Hell, I have it good compared to myself 4 months ago. I just need a rest.

    Okay, maybe not everything is fucked.
    I got asked to do a piece for a fancy art auction gala at the local Museum Of Contemporary Art (they really seem to like me there). It's one more thing to do, yeah, but it's one of those things that will count after school ends. My professor will let it count for credit for my print class, so that's helpful too. He was asked to contribute as well, but sort of scoffed at the email calling him "one of Utah's top artists" to begin with. I'm glad I can still appreciate things like that as much as I can. I'm one of Utah's top artists apparently, guys. That's pretty neat.
    And, already briefly touched on this, I got that Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program (UROP) grant/assistantship. Which means I'm getting paid to work on an art project. An art project which happens to correlate nicely with what I'm doing in my print class. The extra paycheck makes a big difference.
    It's almost over. Less than 3 months.

    @JP I am so sorry to hear about the mold. That really sucks.
    @Oldhat Yay for the pub experience! I hope you get a job that you love before too long.
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2013
    The Suck:
    OB is back from jail, not yet back on his meds, without any money from the government, without any sense of having done anything wrong, with a load of plans for making money that we in the family do not want him to embark upon (medical studies wherein he doesn't take his prescribed meds but these other things that leave him more aggressive - or placebos), and a few ideas for how next to break his restraining order. And not one "thank you" to Mom for helping him out while he was in jail, for picking his ass up in the middle of the damned night, for putting him up, for feeding him, for buying him anything he thinks of.... Meanwhile I can't get through more than a sentence without wanting to scream. The only thing that keeps the label "raging asshole" from applying to him is that he is schizophrenic. Which doesn't really help me find the patience to deal with his crude, inconsiderate bullshit. (And I don't want to be excused from being patient. The last thing the world needs - especially my world is meeting assholery with assholery.)

    Best friend has me worried. Deeply worried. Almost every one of the last handful of times we've gotten to hang out together she's jumped into a horrible mood and pushed everyone away. I'm hard to push away, just FYI, particularly the more concerned I am about someone. But her temper is starting to get to me. And that's different and new. It's different enough that I'm fazed by it, but also different in hmm...strength, maybe. And of course there's never a good time to mention it. Either the temper is going and if you say the slightest, mildest thing to her she'll come back with something like "I get it, I get it, I'm an evil bitch" or the temper will shortly be going because she doesn't want to talk about the bad times when things are going well. I know for a lot of people this kind of behavior just won't be tolerated, but I demand a lot of tolerance out of myself because I know when I'm going through hell it takes a lot to tolerate me. And because I am just guessing, but I truly suspect she's going through some sharp depression and doesn't have any good coping mechanisms. It's strange to think I know when she has something she wants to express by the way she demands people leave her alone... but hey, I consider her my best friend for a reason. We're alike in so many ways.

    The Joy:
    I am free of the fucking show! I feel a little bad about calling it "the fucking show" when it's actually quite a good show. It's just eaten my life and been extremely frustrating and the return was only barely there... So fuck it. I'm free. Nyah nyah.

    There are about a million cookies on the table (Oh Girl Scout niece, you slay me) and it's Fat Tuesday. Oh hell yes.

    Making some new friends here and there. On my way out of the theatre a few people stopped for hugs and photos. A pretty boy and drinking buddy gave me a hug. A girl I was crushing on a tiny bit mentioned that we should get coffee. After the theatre I ended up (through kismet and weirdness) with a free pass to a 24 hour Korean spa and a friend-of-a-friend for a guide. So we spent the next 6(!) hours sweating like mad in the hot saunas, freezing our bits in the ice sauna (up in the co-ed area) and then getting naked in the women-only section and wash, rinse repeat. I've never done that before. Kinda crazy, but really kind of rad. I'm not sure I'm convinced that it's a wonderful, perfect thing to do health-wise, but what the hell it was a lovely way to spend an evening. Got to know the guide much better and we're facebook friends (she's really kind of amazing, here in LA to apply to grad schools in between a long sojourn to India and film teaching gig in Beijing) and...ah what the hell she's very easy on the eyes.

    Am in a weird place of noticing a lot of human beauty, male and female. And all around trying not to get caught staring at either one. I am bi, but usually swing one way or the other. At the moment I feel like I'm oscillating. Not that it matters, no one is approaching me so... Talking to the guide-turned friend I found myself revealing a little more about where I am with desires and for the first time in ages opened up to someone who isn't a close friend about how lonely I've been getting. It felt very much like turning my head up to the cosmos and pointing at a lack in my life and saying please help. Or may that was the dehydration....

    @JP Man that sucks to loose pricey equipment... I really hope you can salvage something.
    @Vorn Good on ya with the new lass - adventure girl. Heh sounds like good times.
    @Fishelle I'm so sorry to hear about yet another theft. It doesn't make sense and it sounds like you're being targeted. That's serious badness... }:< People need get a damned hobby that isn't being a dick to you.
  4.  (10956.9)
    @Dork - that its fine on multiple restarts sounds like you have a motherboard issue. As you have applecare DP says just to keep taking it back and show them the pictures. He's fixed a few, and some were done under the QC programme but thats ended now for the issue :-(

    It shouldn't be the water sensor (unless its actually gotten wet?) but that wouldn't produce these symptoms, (to any hint of wet, he says 'lalalalala not hearing that :-D' )

    @JP I'd second vodka as good for dealing with mould. Also milton diluted in a spray bottle can be brilliant on all sorts of things.
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2013
    @Littlepurplegoth, I'm taking this shit back, with pictures, as soon as I'm done with what I need my computer for this week.

    @Fishelle, jesus fuck I would be STEAMING mad too. Ugh. Good goddamn. Sending you a ton of sympathy and hoping that, in this totally random universe in which we live, you luck out and have something awesome happen to you soon.
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeFeb 16th 2013


    I hurt myself. I have pain. It was gravity and stupidity. My rib. Internal bruising. It'll go away but it's the sign of a fall. Strangely (and I mean that), it's almost EXACTLY IN THE SAME SPOT THAT MY MOM HAD A PAIN WHEN SHE HAD A FALL, A FEW WEEKS BEFORE SHE DIED. (It was at work, stupid, overreaching, stopped short on unyielding metal machinery. Trying to clean the baler. Foolish and I'm paying for it.)

    The house is a MESS. Like a Roman siege. I have to clean it. No one else will do it. I have 99 problems and 1001 tasks. And the will to do them, injured? Uhhhh, not so much, no. Nonetheless, IT MUST BE DONE. SO GET TO WORK. Once I stop this typing thing.


    ... my pal is coming over to help me clean. Double the hands, half the work. He's also got a creative project that's gonna make y'all SHIT YOURSELVES INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS, it is so good. We make this come off, sky's the limit. Scratch that, BEYOND OUR SOLAR SYSTEM is the limit.

    Mah Ladyfrien'. We are becoming very close. We had a Valentine's Day together. It was VERY SPECIAL. I have not had a date for a proper Valentine's Day since Christ was a zygote. Since the Year Dot. Since FOREVER. My only fear is that I am some Special Project to her, an academic distraction that includes sexytimes, motivate this loser to ditch the bushel-basket that covers his light. I get the sense she expects more of someone "with my intellect", as she says. I dunno. We're taking it slow, which is The Way.


    -Fishelle - SOMEONE did it. It was not "Teenagers". The Weed of Crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does Not Pay. What has happened is horrible.
    - razr - hope it all works out, vis a vis OB. Yay for noticing beauty, wherever and whatever it may be.
    - Dork - Still hating computers.
    -Vorn - WRITE THE BOOK.
    - aLL - Loving You Is Easy, Cause Your Beautiful.
    @Warren - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
    • CommentTimeFeb 21st 2013

    - Self-worth issues are creeping up again. While the beer stuff has been good lately, I'm feeling like I'm severely lacking in what I'm writing about and how far I go in to things with my research. Plus among beerfolk I haven't quite been feeling like "one of the guys" lately, only keeping things good in work-related situations but otherwise not being a person beerfolk would regularly hang out with...feh.

    - Getting concerned about my eating habits. While the quality of the food varies, I don't really tend to step above 5-600 calories a day. Reason being because my stomach just...can't handle much. Even a bite of bread makes me nauseous nowadays. Will be seeing the doctor about it at some point.

    - Counselling probably isn't going to happen. I can never reach the intake people in the small time window they provide and by the looks of things, I won't be able to get the time off work to go anyways. Plus considering the waitlist (3-6 months) I have no clue what my schedule will be like.


    - Valentine's Day was nice. And I got called "sweetheart" by the one person who makes my heart flutter when they call me that.

    - So much free beer. Including a reader bringing me back a bottle of New Holland's Dragon's Milk Stout, which I fell in love with in Chicago last year.

    - Awesome and patient friends are being awesome and patient. Am getting pretty regular messages telling me how awesome I am (I'm looking at you, dork, Fishelle and Hex) and they've been sinking in. Also looking forward to the Whitechapel meet-up/Hex's Birthday Bash this Saturday. Although my social skills are dulled a bit, I do love those folk.

    - Bottled my beer over the weekend. We'll see how it is in a couple of weeks. Can definitely say that the Chamomile came through.

    - Am studying to be a Cicerone Certified Beer Server (Cicerone is basically the beer version of a Sommelier). The way I see it, I'm learning this stuff anyways, might as well have the knowledge go towards something that will give me a little more credibility and better access to jobs within the industry.


    @hex, see you soon. :)
    @Fishelle, I want to find whoever stole those and do...very horrible and creative things to them. Argh. BUT! Glad that you're getting an additional paycheque. :)
    @raz, I know what that's like...I have quite a few friends who mean the world to me who deal with things by pushing away. Even to a point where the only way I can check in on them is by checking the obituaries to make sure they aren't on there. It's really tough, but...they get out of the patches if only for a little while. Sounds like you're doign the best thing by being there for her.
  5.  (10956.13)
    Hello whitechappel, imma step out of the shadows.

    The good:
    Really quite a bit. Job going well. It turns out I like being a manager and they seem to really like me being a manager. Working this closely with other people highlights how dang good I am at the technical bits of my job, which strangely gives me more confidence when I'm facing something I feel clueless about (which is pretty much what doing support is).

    The kid's doing great. I moved into my own place a few months back which is good and bad, but mostly good. If I get a bonus next month, I'll probably be able to pay off one of the major sources of debt in my life. I'll probably fall a bit short of the goal to pay off 100% of the debt my ex-wife left me in within 5 years, but at this rate, I'll be damn close.

    Also, after 3.5 years I finally put my album out in January. You can haz listen here.

    The bad:
    The job has way more responsibility and pressure. That means the time I'd spend decompressing during the day (say, checking in with you people) is gone. The move makes this worse. I get up at 6 am, get the kid ready, arrive in the office around 9ish, work 'til 4:30, pick the kid up, dinner, bedtime, dishes (oh, for the decadence of a dishwasher), back online to work for another half-hour to an hour and next thing I know, it's after 10pm, I'm exhausted, and need to do it all over again tomorrow. Most nights, I just pass out. Occasionally I twitter on my phone during long conference calls and what not, but I'm always 24-48 hours behind so feel silly chiming in most of the time.

    The love life is a dud at the moment. I seem to go on plenty of first dates that just fizzle. The good news is once I would have worried "what's wrong with me?" now I'm just kind of bummed that it's so hard to find mutually interesting people.

    The supersexy:
    @oldhat - If those canadian beer guys don't want you to be one of them they are either clueless, douches, or clueless douches. Put me down for Robin is awesome.
    @mister hex - Tell me more of this Lady Friend business. Sounds lovely. Good on ya'!
    @razrangel - I hope things work out with/for your brother. I know he's been a challenge for you in the past. Wouldn't it be great if we, as a society, took care of our mentally ill? Thanks Reagan!
    @Fishelle - Thieving thieves fucking fuckers <insert ragehate words in duplicate for a bit more>. I kind of know some of what you're going through. During my divorce my ex told me she had to throw away "a box of old notebooks that got water damaged" (I.E. almost everything I wrote in college). Assholing assholes!

    OK. Too many people... skipping a bit...

    @Vorn - If you haven't yet, get the hand looked at.
    @roo - hope the new meds are helping and that stepdad's getting help.
    @flecky - keep doin' it man. Can't let those bastards win! (where those bastards is everyone... myself included. Fucking wanker that last one!)
    @taphead - Nice guitar! How much does a taphead original go for? What's it sound like? <covet>

    @ALL - I missed you. Keep being awesome. Someone's got to.
    • CommentAuthordnewling
    • CommentTimeFeb 23rd 2013
    I just got my first ebook uploaded at Amazon!
    • CommentAuthoricelandbob
    • CommentTimeFeb 24th 2013 edited
    Hey there everyone.

    Wow, it's been a long time since I last came on here. It's all been so... hectic and stuff. But I suppose it's best to get stuff unloaded on here. get back in the swing of things.

    - Well since I was last on here, I've started my own club night based on my blog, Reykjavik Sex Farm! Yes, after hearing a never-ending stream of shitty house music and bright pretty young things just sucking the life out of the place with their vacuousness, I have made the move to get some proper music in people's ears. the first night happened a couple of weeks ago and it was very well turned out. Lots of UK funky and grime music, although it was a bit of a sausage fest. but hey, no one died and that is the important thing. Next month we go full on Goth!!

    - After having some mental health problems towards the end of 2012 that i mentioned in my last missive (Anxiety, Depression, etc...), I managed to book in with a psychologist. I'm not 100% if it's going to sort out all of my issues. I spend most of my session getting in huge barely controllable rants about how fucked up EVERYTHING is, but he does seem to understand and he at least has been trying to get my find techniques to calm down... a little.

    - Had a very well known local musician come up to me at SONAR last week to say that the stuff I was doing was "So important" and should not give up. that was nice.

    - Still no sign of a baby. I know it has been getting Sigga even more down than usual as it seems that everyone we know is either pregnant or just had a child, even those who had little chance of getting pregnant. So starting in April, we're going on IVF, which in Iceland (As with everywhere else)costs a small fortune. Which means that it will be rather unlikely we'll be going to the USA this year as planned.

    - Feel rather heavy and unfit right now. This is mainly my fault in that I'm not managing my time really well. Plus I'm still not sleeping well. meaning that I'm pretty much knackered when I finish at my work. Plus, still probably eating too much crap and drinking too much as well.

    - Personally still pretty much a walking time-bomb of rage. For example, I asked my boss a question a few days ago about another co-worker, only to find myself getting so angry during the conversation that I almost punched him. And it was a pretty innocuous question too! I really need to try and get this anger issue thing sorted. Also got into a rather nasty argument at SONAR last weekend with a couple of musician cousins who really hate the paper I write for and were spouting half baked, ignorant ideas on music and what makes good music writing (They said a local writer was really great because "He does, like, loads of research on wikipedia and everything!"). I should have ignored their stuff but they have a habit of pressing my buttons and I just started shouting that they were parochial insular fools and almost screamed at them to get fucked. thankfully my friend who knew us all calmed me down to the point where i simply mumbled "You may have a valid point." God i hate the groupthink on this bloody Island.
    The funny thing is that I don't go round threatening to beat up people, but it´s just that every time I get angry, I almost hulk out to epic proportions and it's starting to look bad.

    So yeah, I'm doing some good things, but I'm kicking myself almost every-step of the way. But i suppose it's just the continuing struggle of existence eh'


    @SELLMEYOURSOUL - Congrats on the release. You sent me some of your msuic to check out didn't you? And I never got back to you which was really bad of me. It's that whole hectic thing to be honest. But this looks and sounds good. Well done.
    @OLDHAT - I get the whole self worth thing. My mate says that no one like a concert promoter with low self esteem issues (Um... cheers for that!), but if there's anyone on here that is worth a damn, then it's you, OK? Start cock punching life till it give you what you want!
    @FISHELLE - man getting your stuff nicked sucks so hard through the arsehole of existence.

    and hugs and more hugs to everyone on here. I will try not to drift away so long this time...
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeFeb 24th 2013

    Vas birthday. Yesterday. I am 39+4! Hooray!

    Saw fellow Whitechapel folk and had a SMASHING time. Pizza, beer, comics, good talk and fun. I thank Whitechapel for enriching my life, once again.

    Robin is so sexy, she'd punch me if I told you how sexy she is. (Having survived being punched by her, I can only say that I have absolutely no interest in ever being punched by her ever again.)

    Greasemonkey is my Road Dawg. Lucien rides shotgun. Or drives, while he cradles the shotgun. Whatever's clever.

    Ladyfriend Business goes swimmingly. Met her parents and they didn't take one look at me and chuck me out into the cold Canadian street. They didn't even take two looks. Her dad shook my hand and I could see he was pleased with my grip and the fact I called him 'sir'. Her mom thinks I'm cute. *swoon* Brought her grapes and a plant, as she's recovering from minor surgery. She's THIS CLOSE from TOTALLY falling in love with me. I still got it! Whatever it is!

    UH ....

    Still crushed by depression, still procrastinating, still a useless bastard. Uphill battle to rouse myself to action. NO TIME! When I think of all the time I've wasted doing fuck-all, I GET EVEN MORE DEPRESSED.

    I worry that the LadyFriend is using me as a distraction. Then I see her texts and am in her presence and I worry no more. Until I do. Vicious fucking cycle that I am bound to break, mark my words.

    In two weeks, less, even? Four months since my mom died. This was my first birthday Without Her. Crying now. No, I just got something in my eye, I'll be fine ...

    @SELL- Fuckin' A!
    @Bob - Fuckin' A Bob! You realize we in Canada think you're awesome? We in Canada ARE VERY AWESOME so if WE think YOU are awesome ... says something, dunnit?
    @OLDHAT - hey, there/ sexy girl!/ Drinking all the beer/ don't punch me please!

    @everyone who's name I've forgotten - KEEP CALM AND BE AWESOME.
    • CommentAuthorDarkest
    • CommentTimeFeb 25th 2013
    Bad: Last few days felt un-productive etc. No drive, no energy etc not getting anything done. Happens every so often. I'm feeling a lot better now, not entirely sure why.

    Good: See above, I've recouped some of my animus. Went to London Super Comic Con got some stuff very good. And of course Going to the smoke tomorrow to see Uncle Warren.

    See some of you there, I guess. I shall endeavour to make some sort of name tag.

    Support: Hang in there guys.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeFeb 28th 2013

    Here goes: I've been living in a bubble of safety in the sticks for the last six months, and when I visited London the other day it was an assault to the senses that left me shaking; it just made me finally realize how vulnerable I am.

    I've only got 5 days left here in rehab, and most people are saying I should hang around here. My head is a minefield of indecision - to the point that I sometimes feel unfunctionable. I never thought I would say it, but getting clean is really the easy bit.

    I'd best not break the laws of Whitechapel, but I'm emotional as hell.


    The plan, so far, is to return to my flat, do it up, go on a day programme, and utterly annihiliate the rooms of N.A. I've got no family to help me, no partner, so I'm going to have to be a man alone at times.

    Fuck - gotta go. Take care!
    • CommentAuthorMark R
    • CommentTimeFeb 28th 2013
    Hang in there, Flecky.
  6.  (10956.20)

    Dammit, Flecky. I just found the postcards I bought for you. I was about to ask if you'd still be at your away place, but now you're leaving. You'll have to send me your new/old address.

    GOOD & BAD:

    There's new medical stuff. Which is hopeful, but not. (The full description is HERE) The gist is that I just got oodles of testing done, and started on a new medication. The medication might be making me hurt a lot more, but that might mean that it's working, which might mean that might have a diagnosis. It's a lot of mights.

    BAD: I fucking hurt really fucking bad, and I my doctor has pretty much told me I have brain damage.

    GOOD: I also have pain medication! Yay! I'm also being sent to Florida in a few days to photograph a performance artist and then model in latex for fetish photography. I love that I just stumbled into this.

    BAD: I stumble into everything and I've been realizing that I've never really TRIED at anything concrete. One can only have a single fixed goal at a time, I suppose, and mine for the past 17 years has been getting myself diagnosed, fixing my waning vision and waning limb control, and not hurting. Everything else has fallen by the wayside.

    GOOD: I might be almost diagnosed and stable.

    BAD: I need to figure out what, aside from health, I actually want in my life. And that's terrifying.