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    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2013
    Oh my God Roo, I'm so glad you're okay, and sorry you had to go through that.
  1.  (10956.2)
    @roo - God, that's awful. Hope you're ok and that it all gets dealt with properly so you stay safe. hugs
  2.  (10956.3)
    Jesus, Roo. That's an ordeal. I fucking hate bullies. I hope your mom stands by you through all of this.

    (When I was a teenager, during a fight with family, my bully stepfather pulled back his fist and told me he was going to "punch my fucking teeth in" at which point my mother leapt on his back to stop him. Ten minutes later, when I'd escaped to my bedroom and was shaking and crying on my bed, my mother came in and blamed me, denying that my stepfather had done such a thing.)

    That the cops came by and took him away even after no physical contact had been made is really stellar and awesome. Perhaps in the time it takes for him to come back you could install some small and cheap surveillance equipment so that if anything happens again in the future you can have proof of it. Proof plus previous offenses might keep him out of your life for even longer.

    Man. I wish you luck and strength.
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2013 edited
    Fucking hell, Roo. I had no idea that was going on. I hope his ass is being kicked out.

    Really fucking hope you can get your own place soon, Roo. How is the application for housing going?
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2013
    @Roo: I just want to quickly say that I hope your alright, and I'm wishing you strength. Hang in there.
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2013
    I feel like I need to come here; I always feel like Twitter makes me too short w/ responses (damn character limit)... Roo, I really do wish I could be there for you IRL, I'm sure we all do. I'm so thankful nothing worse happened. I hope it all gets worked out. If there's anything I can do (besides hug my kitty and hope that positive energy makes it to you), let me know.
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2013
    Fuck, Roo. *big massive hugs* I'm so SO relieved you're ok and I'm thinking good thoughts that you continue to be ok - and that your family begins to walk down the path of excising things that Don't Help and embracing things that Do.

    (At home OB isn't leaning toward anything violent and we're glad. Because everything else - screaming at us, saying we don't want him to be happy and righteous because we won't pray that his restraining order is rescinded, etc - has us completely on edge.)
  3.  (10956.8)
    @Rootfireember: So glad you're ok and that your mom is backing you up on this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. And I hope you can move out soon.
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2013 edited

    When it comes to counterbalancing some utterly shitty times, 2013 is starting to overdo it a bit - and I'm loving every second! Just back from Israel/Eilat from a school trip, where we were diving the reefs, gathering data and doing measurements on them, writing a report and prepping a paper (looks like I got zero publications when I was an university researcher, but I'll get two co-authorships now in what's essentially a trade school - go figure). On one day a whale shark swam right above us - a 7-8 meter long massive animal, something people try to see for 12 years without success. In the same evening we had a night dive, playing with bioluminescent plankton, all of our handwaves and fin kicks leaving a trail of pale green sparks. That evening we crashed a whiskey brand party with an open bar. All in all it was a good day.

    Looks like I'll also be getting some actual, real, paying employment as a research diver in Finland, I'm doing my best to get a gig training research divers in the future, PLUS there's an uncertain but very promising and fascinating chance to actually work on corals abroad. Nothing is certain, but things look scarily good.

    Things go pretty damn nicely with the Adventure Girl also. We've done climbing, bouldering, swimming, free diving, geocaching and doing all sorts of fun things together. The company pays for a certain amount of sports activities and I have some leftover swimming pool passes from last year, so even though I can't live large in general, I can do sporty stuff. The summer is drawing near, which opens up even more fun activities that don't cost a whole lot.


    Money. Still. I'm on my last pair of presentable jeans, my only shoes are army boots, my jacket is fixed with safety pins, and so forth. Doing my best to save money for the school bills and the loan instalments - one of which I had fumbled in the insane weeks of December, crashing this month's budget and making me delve into friends' pockets again, digging the hole a little bit deeper. Light in the end of the tunnel in June, unless I get kicked out of this job during my probationary period.

    Speaking of shoes, and not having proper ones, my heel and my knee are killing me. The first thing I'll buy when I get my finances non wonky are proper sports shoes and ergonomic work sandals.


    @Roo: Oh fuck, so sorry you had to go through something like that. It's good that you have backing from your mom and the authorities on this.

    @flecky: Go go go man! That's a mighty damn great thing you're doing!
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2013
    @roo - I hopehopeHOPE! you're okay. Jesus, that's rough. You gotta get outta there.
    @flecky - ya never know. Sounds like you've got a plan. Tell me more about this "god" and describe the nubile attendants IN DETAIL. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
    @vorn - I got one pair of boots, too. One pair of sneakers that need replacing. I can't even afford a haircut. If they look at your shoes, you're not funny.


    So Mah LadyFrien' had a little girls night with some old friends from High School. Great, a night off for me, time to catch up on my drinking, reading and sleeping. (Finished a case of beer and Kadrey's first SANDMAN SLIM novel, went to bed early). WOKE UP (more like "was woken up by thoughts running around my head like a motorcycle in a velodrome with a fully grown lion in the sidecar") by .... SOMETHING. Find a message from Mah Lady-Frien'. And a buncha pictures of her and her pals. I trust her and all but parta my thing is I don't trust ANYBODY. And why is *NAME REDACTED* drinking beer in your house after midnight? He's an alright guy, I remember him but .... I dunno. Just feel outta my league. I'm not angry, I'm not ANYTHING, I just .... I dunno. Feel outta my league. I haven't Done This in a LOOONG time and I have Rarely Done It WELL. As in "successfully". (Just got a message from her again. A sweet one but WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! I knew I should have installed surveillance cameras in her house. My sleep-deprived mind imagines that I was the Source of Much Merriment when, in fact, I wasn't even mentioned in despatches. Bugger it. GIRL TROUBLES, what a fucking cosmic joke.)

    Fighting with my dad. Like my mom used to. I told him something she told me privately, while she was still alive. She obviously told him the Same Thing, while she was alive. She's dead now, four months. And seven days, at this writing. It deflated him a bit. He doesn't like it when we fight and neither do I. No one does. But we do. He'd fight over whether the sun'll come up in the morning. I feel like I'm on trial and my chances are either SWEET FREEDOM! (BUT INCREDIBLE PAIN!) or PRISON FOREVER (AND WHY THE HELL NOT?).
    Then again, I will use whatever mental weapon comes to hand, in any situation because when you're in prison WHY THE HELL NOT.

    Work. Good God. My boss is an idiot of the highest water. All of them. Illiterate to a fault and dumber than a bag of hammers. I don't even bother to conceal my contempt anymore, if I ever even did. Which I didn't.


    Writin' like a fuckin' FREIGHT TRAIN. Heh heh heh. REFINING and SHARPENING. I've come up with sentences that go through six inches of plate steel. Soon, there will be nowhere you can hide from me.

    MY VOICE is loud and carries a great distance. I have to start employing some of the whores who call themselves my "friends" to GET ME somewhere. MY REAL FRIENDS, of course, will help me in any way they can.

    Wherever I end up, I can pretty much guarantee it won't be pretty. IT'LL BE GORGEOUS.

    Stay Awesome, Whitechapel.
  4.  (10956.11)

    Marrickville Open Studio trail this weekend past. NFI how Gab got us signed up to it, we're on the wrong side of the river, but Jesus, was that successful. I had 120 people through my studio over 2 days and sold every last one of the 20 works I had on the wall on day 1. I could have sold maybe half as many again on day 2 but I was out of ink. Blown away, and halfway to a new motor for the bus. Got a load of new contacts for my solo in June and some more gigs between then and now.


    I wish I was somebody else. My life is as near to perfect as any life gets. I am a husband, a father and a professional artist. I have nearly enough money to live on most of the time. When I have a show, people buy my work. My wife loves me and we're still in lust after 15 years together. My kids are bright and although they're argumentative in the extreme they're all good people who I respect. So why do I lose it with them? Why do I wish I was drinking or on drugs when I've buried all the friends who didn't give up with or before me, and when I'm saner and more stable than I ever was when I was using? How come, basically, I'm not happy most of the goddamn time? Why do I stand outside in the scent of roses on a clear autumn day and wonder how I'll make it to sundown? This is the life I ordered, sans about $50k per annum. I'm pretty sure that the money isn't the difference between this and happy. I have no excuse. I'm bloody wired wrong.


    @Flecky: I fucking love you, man. Keep running. One day I will find you and buy you as much beer as you can hold, assuming you're not the ascended fucking Buddha by then.

    @Hex: You too are awesome. I would buy your words for actual dollars. Keep making them. Also: isn't Kadrey the business? I just finished the series, less the forthcoming one in July. Good fun. Furthermore: be not afraid. The worst that can happen is that your life will change. It's better, in my scorched and smouldering experience, to trust and be burnt than to fail to trust and maybe throw away the one chance you'll ever have.

    @Roo: Run like fucking hell. Seriously, get the hell out of there. Wanker hasn't got the sense to keep his hands in his pockets, be somewhere he can't reach you. Don't ever think there are no options. Look for options. Be not afraid, but run. Don't wait. You don't need to plan more than a few weeks in advance if you have your eyes open for opportunities.
  5.  (10956.12)
    Been a while...

    First we take Manhattan

    Seem to be losing weight quite steadily, couple of people have commented, which is great. Took my two older girls to a science discovery centre a couple of weeks ago, and one of them has come back wanting to be a scientist, which is massively awesome and exactly why I wanted to take them, just have to try and keep her interested. Getting on with partner despite a few bumps a couple of weeks back when I felt everything was falling apart.

    Dress Rehearsal Rag
    Partner's father is pretty ill, nothing new but he's in and out of hospital now and each time he gets weaker. At least she's got to spend some time with him over the last 15 months since they've been back in the country. But he's not been a happy man for a long time, serves as a stark warning for me about bad choices, denial and wasted opportunities. His favourite dog died a couple of weeks back and it feels like he's given up too. Her mother has to cope with him, and I feel very sorry for her. Have mixed feelings about the guy, think he's got a lot to answer for, but he's her father and the grandfather of my daughters and it's a bit of a difficult time.

    I'm pretty run down as well, been fighting a cold off and just feel pretty drained altogether. Baby's not been that well, so has been screaming a lot, and my four year old is pretty challenging right now too...

    Work... just mental, feeling very shaky about it, given resources and my general energy and wellbeing right now. Started getting panics and 3am cortisol rushes, which I've managed to knock off, but don't like getting like that.

    Sisters of Mercy
    @flecky, keep on keeping on. That's a nice part of the country you're holed up in, I was born there, dammit
    @kay - 'I'm just wired wrong' - yeah, know that one. And I don't understand it either.
    @vornaskotti - your adventures are incredible; hope the awesome continues
    @HEX - the only people who never feel out of their league are lying or stupid. She might do too...
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2013
    The girl got some bad news yesterday which she has reacted badly to and today when I got home i realised she has overdosed on sleeping tablets while I was out. I've told her in the past how worried she makes me (this isn't the first time she's done this or similar.

    I am both worried that she'll do herself some serious harm, and mad-as-hell at her for making me worry so much.
    I am also feeling guilty for feeling angry at her for it, but I can't help myself for thinking how selfish it is of her to do this and not consider the consequences.
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2013
    Sneak, that's awful news. If you need someone to vent to, I'll PM you my number elsewhere.
  6.  (10956.15)
    Sneak - shit. Hope you, and she, get through it OK. Hard line to walk between anger and compassion, I know that's not easy. Best...
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2013
    Thanks JP and Texture, yr thoughts mean a lot guys.
  7.  (10956.17)
    Good: So, stepdad isn't allowed to be horrid to me anymore, and things seem to be calming down a bit. My brain is hazing over the event, so I can get on with my life and my new computery 2nd job. Hopefully my stepdads going to get help to become a human again instead of a scary monster. Because he used to be a somewhat awesome person to know. Someone I was kinda proud to say was my stepdad.

    Bad: I worry how my mom is handling this. Her birthdays soon, and I can't think of anything to cheer her up (beyond a phonecall from Liam Neeson which probably won't happen). I really don't know what to do.

    Flecky- stay strong
    Vorn- good to read a happy update.

    Thanks everyone for the good thoughts and support.
    Just want to repeat that I was not hurt and I'm still alive.

    Is she in therapy? I'd highly suggest DBT therapy to help deal with self-harm urges, or using pills as a way to escape from big scary things. Im not a doctor, or anything like that, but it's been helping me a lot, and giving me ideas of how to cope instead of jumping toward a doomy thing. If you'd like to talk, email me at gmail.
  8.  (10956.18)
    Damn, Sneak, that's horrible!
    I can't imagine what I would do to support someone going through something like that...
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2013 edited
    I love my life. I'm gearing up for finals and I love my schoolwork. I'm about to get super-sassy on a critical assignment and show my inconsistent-feedback-professor what-for. Also I love editing and I get to do it all the time. It's the absolute best. I recently took a stand and reduced my hours at my regular job (long story) so I've now got the physical and mental energy (and the economic incentive) to pick up extra freelance editing work. I've also got multiple for-fun writing and editing projects on the go. As much as I dig (and want to be employed in) technology and media, I live for words.
    Related: job interview tomorrow for a web-scripting position. It doesn't sound like it needs a lot of experience, and it's the first hit on my newly-redesigned and super-snazzy resume, which makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Also applying for a million other things, including TA-ing some undergrad music courses next year that I'm totally qualified for (even if they explicitly state a hundred times that they want Music grad students. Fuck those guys).
    (ETA: The guy basically had me come in to the office so he could offer me the job sight unseen. So that was cool. I guess I have a third job now.)

    Group work! I'm in need of reining myself in from this point on, in terms of my "upfront and honest" ways. I am a good enough editor that I should know how to be polite to people when I'm pointing out their faults -- I don't know why I can't harness this power when it comes to work I'm also liable for.

    Also my waistline is expanding. I'm overcome with the need to eat decadently when there are people around (especially when you live with a baker and compulsive snacker/candy-eater). I'm a veritable connoisseur of diners and grease-slingers, and that's great, but I've kind of been forgetting how much better stuff gets when you moderate your exposure to it. Also exercise. Is a thing you don't get when you're a grad student and a desk-worker. I bike a lot, and the weather's about to get a lot nicer, but I need to incorporate something more into my week.

    Apartment-hunting is always balls. Nuff said.

    Public Address:
    enh, you guys are all great and you don't need me to tell you that.
    (Hex, you should probably fix your thinking: the reason why this girl feels like one-in-a-million is that she IS -- it takes someone truly impressive to be able to keep up with you, and you know it. I bet if you said something about it, she'd probably say she felt out of her league with you. Just sayin', is all.)
    • CommentTimeMar 20th 2013
    @Roo and Sneak--Christ, you two. Stay safe, stay sane.


    Down to 225 lb from 275 this time last year. The mass on my dad's liver is benign. Started therapy, and tomorrow We Start Digging. Collaborating on a short comic project with a homey, and work on the novel is going apace. Got a bad leather jacket for $40 at a thrift shop in Chapel Hill.


    Not a lot, actually. General malaise and depression, though mitigated by the medicine, still sneaks up on me from time to time.