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London Zoo: Jokes

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      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeFeb 23rd 2013
     (10996.1)
    So, a friend recently asked how I was liking my new haircut.

    I told him, "well, it's growing on me."

    Your move, Whitechapel.
    •  
      CommentAuthorbrittanica
    • CommentTimeFeb 23rd 2013
     (10996.2)
    One of my favorites, I heard at a gig by a steampunk band. I may have been the only person in the audience to laugh at it:

    How do you make a soul singer out of a duck?

    Put him in the oven until his Bill Withers.
    •  
      CommentAuthortaphead
    • CommentTimeFeb 24th 2013
     (10996.3)
    How many soundguys does it take to change a lightbulb?

    "Sorry man, I don't do lights."
    •  
      CommentAuthorDextra
    • CommentTimeFeb 24th 2013
     (10996.4)
    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.









    I'm not leaving.
    •  
      CommentAuthorcurb
    • CommentTimeFeb 24th 2013
     (10996.5)
    How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Well, first the lightbulb must want to change.
  6.  (10996.6)
    What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?



    An ambulance. Seriously guys, he's got a freaking shovel embedded in his head!
  7.  (10996.7)
    Since this is Whitechapel, here's one of the filthiest jokes I know, said to be a favorite of Alyson Hannigan of Buffy fame:

    How do you stop a dog humping your leg?

    Pick him up and suck him off.
    • CommentAuthorBadBeast
    • CommentTimeFeb 24th 2013
     (10996.8)
    What do you call a black man who flys a Jumbo Jet?


    A Pilot! What are you, some kind of fucking racist?
    •  
      CommentAuthorJ.Brennan
    • CommentTimeFeb 25th 2013
     (10996.9)
    How many Nice Guys does it take to change a light bulb?


    None. They'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw.
    • CommentAuthorarcaner
    • CommentTimeFeb 25th 2013
     (10996.10)
    And now a filthy joke for your enjoyment.

    Rumor has it that the formula of Crisco is being changed.



    Fisters everywhere are up in arms.
  11.  (10996.11)
    What did the deaf, dumb, blind, quadriplegic boy get for christmas?















    Cancer.
  12.  (10996.12)
    How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?















    Two, but I could never figure out how they got in there in the first place.
    •  
      CommentAuthorMorac
    • CommentTimeFeb 25th 2013
     (10996.13)
    I'm just going to leave this here.

  14.  (10996.14)
    What's the difference between a truck load of sand and a truck load of dead babies?








    You can't pick up sand with a pitchfork.
  15.  (10996.15)
    What's got two legs and bleeds?














    Half a puppy!
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeFeb 26th 2013
     (10996.16)
    A man walked into a bar.








    Ouch.
    •  
      CommentAuthoroldhat
    • CommentTimeFeb 26th 2013
     (10996.17)
    The Bartender says "We don't serve Tachyons here!"








    A Tachyon walks in to a bar.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeFeb 26th 2013
     (10996.18)
    A piece of string walks into a bar.

    The bartender shouts, "Oi, we don't serve your kind here!"

    The string walks outside and twists itself into a bow before walking back in.

    Pissed, the bartender shouts, "Aren't you that string I just kicked out?"

    "No, I'm afraid not!" the bow replied.
    •  
      CommentAuthorAlastair
    • CommentTimeFeb 26th 2013
     (10996.19)
    oscar pistorious wanted to change his bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it
    • CommentAuthorStefanJ
    • CommentTimeFeb 26th 2013
     (10996.20)
    A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.


    "One for me," he tells the bartender, "and one for the road."

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