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  1.  (10999.1)

    Everything else a byproduct.

    I admire each of you for sharing.
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013
    ADHD (if you believe it exists) and introversion and social anxiety. Nothing to add that wasn't said before.
  2.  (10999.3)
    I am harboring Asperger's,(though they don't diagnose it anymore, now we have "Autism spectrum disorder") and it socially crippled me until I started playing in a band when I was a teenager. All of the sudden, I'm having girls talk to me, people started praising me, and discovered that the image I had of myself wasn't what other people saw.
    But the social anxiety has now extended to the interwebs, which is the reason I don't post here as much as I did a few years ago. My facebook is barren, my twitter is almost non-existent, and I go through existential hell when I want to start an account somewhere online. I'm really an outgoing person in the real world but the internet cripples me when I want to interact. This only developed in the past few years, though (strange I know). So, at this point, I'm the quintessential lurker.I feel so stupid, especially in front of this menagerie of genius and talent, and terrified that my grammar or wit will make me the dunce in the forum.

    ...and you have no idea how posting this is driving my anxiety through the roof.
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013
    Out of curiosity, and not to hijack the thread, but...

    What are you folks doing to manage things? For those taking meds, how are they treating you? Which meds are working for you?

    For those note on meds, what are you doing to help yourself?
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013
    ADHD (if you believe it exists) and...

    Oh. Wait.
  3.  (10999.6)
    @ oldhat - for me, I preferred a lifestyle change over the meds. lots of exercise, limited consumption of alcohol, refined sugars, refined flour, aspartame, and caffeine. also varying my activities and try new things. it works most of the time.
  4.  (10999.7)
    I've been on Lexapro for years for the depression and anxiety. It works, in so much that I can cope with day to day life, but it does leave me feeling kind of washed out, passive and blunted. It also killed my ability to write.

    About a year ago I decided to halve my dosage. It's been going OK so far - I'm actually feeling things much more than I used to (which is a bit of a mixed blessing, but better than being an emotional zombie). I'm hoping that I'll be able to get back to writing when I have the time (or I'll discover the motivation to make the time).

    My plan at the moment is to get over the bronchitis that's been plaguing me for the last few months, get onto CPAP for my sleep apnea, then use the extra energy from getting some proper sleep to start exercising regularly.

    Oh and @Darkest - don't let the nutcases get you down. There are people out there who would like to kill everyone on this board. The problem is with them, not with us.
  5.  (10999.8)
    @ Purple Wyrm - yeah Lexapro was one of the things I was on. I can't paint on it at all. I don't feel drepressed or anxious, but then again I don't feel much of anything when I'm on it.
  6.  (10999.9)
    @William Joseph Dunn

    Yeah, it puts you in a nice, stable, emotional fog. Which is great if you're too depressed to function as a human being, but not so great otherwise.
  7.  (10999.10)
    Wow, that's quite a lot of responses! I should probably do a more detail version of my mental issues and get into what I do to manage them, but it'll have to wait as I've got work in the morning tomorrow. I actually just started a new medication (a stimulant), and I've been on it for two days, and I've gotten so much stuff done, it's really surreal. Ok, really must go. Looking forward to coming back to this though.
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013
    @Lexaprofolks, that may have been my problem with Lexapro to begin with. I was on a low dose (10mg), and it probably (it's hard to tell) helped with the general anxieties and crippling self-hatred. I didn't like taking it but I'm not sure if that was because I didn't like the effect the meds had or because I resented having to take them. I just felt pretty ambivalent about its effect, but using it did coincide with getting out of a major depressive episode. But I started on Wellbutrin, and that stuff turned me into a goddamn basket case. I also got really REALLY bad tremors from it. My hands would shake uncontrollably.

    I've had a difficult time figuring out whether I really even ought to be writing here, in this thread.

    I don't usually feel like I rank because I'm decently high functioning, comparatively speaking. I've been treated for major depressive disorder, and I'm back in therapy because I think my general depressive tendencies are getting in my way again. Call it dysthymia or whatever, I dunno. All I know is that I go through extreme periods of inertia, anhedonia (I'm not using this clinically), social anxiety, general anxiety, whatever.

    All I know is that I pretty frequently hate myself, and am angry, stressed, and anxious. Exercise can mitigate the effects of this, different forms of art can sometimes help, but usually I need someone to get me out of my own head. Otherwise I fixate and end up stuck on the couch forever, doing nothing worthwhile because I'm so interested in distracting myself from my own thoughts. That said, I tend to get pretty inert, which means I'm basically shooting myself in the foot whenever I sad because when I get sad I don't do anything but if I don't do anything I get more sad.

    I guess that's all for now?

    @Clarkthehomonculous, come back soon, k? We like your type, and we try pretty hard to be a welcoming crowd.
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013 edited
    Asperger's. I was diagnosed in 2002, but don't generally discuss it any more since AS has become the trendy disorder of the decade.

    Contrary to what the TV show The Big Bang Theory would have everyone believe, AS does not make people witty, charming, good looking or super-intelligent. It generally condemns sufferers to a shitty childhood of ostracism and bullying, and often a lonely adulthood for those who are unable to develop enough social skills to make friends and meet potential romantic partners. People with AS are often extremely immature for their age, and behave like adolescents well into their 20's and sometimes beyond.

    I've found moderate amounts of cannabis to be the most effective treatment for social awkwardness, since THC and cannabinoids tend to break down my subconscious filters and confer a level of social awareness that's usually lacking. Overdosing can be pretty awful though, because it kicks my natural paranoia into overdrive (synthetic weed is the worst of all, and actually sent me into temporary psychosis when I tried it last year). Learning karate initially proved useful in dealing with bullies (most satisfying moment of my entire life was making a bully scream "Stop! Stop!" in front of all his mates, as I sat on his back smashing his face into the pavement), but it also gave me better co-ordination so I wasn't always lurching around like a spastic zombie.

    AS has made me a successful artist, because the obsessive traits have made me love elaborate fine detail, and it's fairly common for me to spend hundreds of hours on a single painting, working with a tiny brush.

    Best of all, as those of you who have met me can attest, I am married to a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, gracious and patient. Good things can come to the person with AS.
  8.  (10999.13)
    @dorkmuffin Thanks! I will! It really helps that you say that because I've been contemplating editing my post in some way because my scumbag brain thinks I sound whiny or the like.

    It's funny, I'm here everyday, yet, my inferiority complex keeps me from completely indulging in the wonderfulness of this community. I do attempt to post from time to time, but end up never hitting that Add your comments button because I convince myself, every time, that I've produced nothing but drivel.

    @Greasemonkey Yes, even the medical community has admitted to spamming the Asperger's button on many patients, hence the reason they now diagnose it as ASD. Both of my sons have been diagnosed as well, and I wonder if it's just a lazy/trendy diagnosis assigned to my boys.
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013
    @Clark, that's not so uncommon as you might think. I continuously second-guess myself.
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013
    @Clarkthehomonculous You did everything just fine with that post. Don't let the anxiety beat you up. :)

    As for me, I've never been diagnosed with anything. I've never gone to therapy. I deal with things by talking to family and friends and by making art about it. Religion also helps a lot for me. Back in October I stood in the kitchen with a knife to my chest for a bit and only put it down because I knew it was too dull and would only get through my (favorite) shirt at best, but I'm doing much much better now. I've had a few of those times, mostly in my teenage years, but also quite a bit during the summertime after leaving for college when I had to live with my parents.

    I also probably have some mild Trichotillomania. I am almost constantly picking at my face, hair, eyelashes, hands, and nose. I've been late to classes and things before because I get into a sort of grooming mode and try to rid myself of all the curly hairs on my head, or I get into trimming some other hair. I drive my sister crazy because all I do in church is find the short prickly hairs on the back of my hands and pull them out. It's a good thing that I look nice with short hair, because if I can see a split end I tend to lose the next couple of hours finding more of them and getting rid of them. I have stopped writing this paragraph 4 times to pick at a cluster of zits on my chin even though I know they would be gone so much faster if I didn't do that.

    My oldest brother has serious psychosis, though, which has been misdiagnosed as early onset dementia and schizophrenia (assuming the current diagnosis is right). So I have a hard time saying I have mental issues because I always compare myself to him.
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013
    Dork, you summed up almost exactly what I experience when I get depressed in that last paragraph.

    @Clark - don't be afraid to hit that comment button! I do know the feeling though. I hang out on these boards but I don't write, paint, draw, take photographs... I love art, but I just don't create it, usually because i feel that everything I make is crap and I am incapable of ever improving. But these people here are wonderful people and they will love you and appreciate you for hanging out and being part of the group.
    • CommentAuthorStefanJ
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013 edited
    I'll third or fourth the comments to Clark. Come and hang.

    We're all bozos on this bus.
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013
    I really admire all of you and your candor.

    I have something that I thought was chronic depression and anxiety, but I'm pretty sure I have schzoid personality disorder. Or something. Whatever it is, it's hard.

    Thanks for starting this thread. I lurk Whitechapel all the time. I like you guys.
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2013
    Clark and sseloske - never think that every post someone makes here is important, smart, or special. At the end of the day, we're all just dorks on the internet. Personally, I think that's sort of beautiful. So, allow me to add my welcome.

    I'm not diagnosed with anything myself, but almost all of my friends either are, or very strongly suspect they may have something. A very good friend lived all his life that I knew him with what I know cannot believe wasn't depression, and in the end it killed him. My best friend in the whole world suffers from acute anxiety and depression, and it's made whole years of her life into a living hell. The point I'd like to make, though, is that she's still my best friend, and that no type of mental illness that any of my other friends have keep them from being the people I go to for advice, help, or just to say "hey, look at this stupid thing I found on the internet today." I've met a couple of you who've posted in this thread, and I can attest to you being wonderful people that I'm glad to count as friends.
  9.  (10999.20)
    @Clark - I know that feels, but the people here have never been less than nice to this particular Aspie.

    @Greasemonkey - It generally condemns sufferers to a shitty childhood of ostracism and bullying, and often a lonely adulthood for those who are unable to develop enough social skills to make friends and meet potential romantic partners. People with AS are often extremely immature for their age, and behave like adolescents well into their 20's and sometimes beyond..

    Sing it brother! I was lucky enough to go to a school where bullying was pretty limited, and to find a bunch of other geeks to hang around with for mutual defence, but it was still no picnic. These days as I'm getting perilously close to 40 (Shit! When did that happen!?) my social circle is pretty much limited to the remnants of that same group, with one or two other people I've managed to accrete over the years. As for romance, sheeze, I'm depressed enough today without going down that road.

    On the plus side, what other might view as immaturity, I view as still being prepared to have fun :)

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