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    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2013
    Worryingly, he wasn't the only friend who was in such close proximity. He's just one of my best friends.
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2013
    @Dork - so glad your people are safe and accounted for. Take good care...
    • CommentTimeApr 16th 2013
    @dork Jesus--it's good that they're all right. Two of my cousins were down Kenmore watching, and they're safe and well also.

    It's upsetting how personally I'm taking this. It's wrenching to see my city suffering and being too far away to do anything.
  1.  (11026.4)

    Car still fucked. Needs a new radiator, had to have work on the brakes and the garage couldn't work out what was wrong with the fan, kept it for two days and then gave up. But I, on the other hand, have Google fu, and worked it out for myself, so I've got a second hand ecu coming to replace the one that had burnt out. Perils of having a really old car.

    Spring is just about here, but my God, the state that winter has left my garden in... I knew it was a problem garden, but I'd been working for three years to try and get it sorted, but it's just a bloody mess now. Everything is waterlogged, the beds are all overgrown, too wet to dig, and the lawn is just dead grass and mud. Trivial, I suppose, in the wider scale of things, but it's bloody annoying and sad, I just wanted to make it beautiful.

    Father in law still clinging on, but not eating and looking worse. That's a mess too for a whole bunch of reasons. Feel sad for what my partner has to deal with.


    Got a decent raise at work.wasn't expecting that at all, so good. So feel financially a bit more confident for the first time in ages.

    The upside of not having a car is that I get to stop in a nice pub for a bit while waiting for the bus. Could get way too used to that.

    Work is bloody hard, but challenging and quite stimulating at the moment...have to relaunch the company magazine and integrate it with a community website and try and work in advertising sales and help kick off a corporate intranet programme so massively busy, but quite interesting at the same time.


    Thoughts go to anyone  affected by Boston. From being caught up in the London mess a few years back it's just horrible and unsettling and you start to question everything and look around you with suspicion... but dunno, looks like the response is a defiant 'fuck the idiots that did that...' which is probably the right one...
    • CommentTimeApr 18th 2013
    @Jon, it's a combination of "fuck the idiots that did that" and "... really? That changes nothing. WE'RE GONNA KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON, BITCHEZZZZZZ"
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeApr 19th 2013 edited
    @dorkmuffin: That's the spirit!


    I guess I'm doing OK, considering I'm only a few weeks out from rehab, and been getting used to living in a new town. Loneliness can be a real killer at times, though; I really can't ever see the day when I will be in a relationship again, but it's probably for the best at the moment, as I'm pretty crap at all that stuff - having an addict-fantasy-immature mentality doesn't help with that at all.

    When I left rehab, a new organization took over care for this area - it's caused massive upheaval, and the little aftercare I had came to an end. This has left me with time on my hands and some days I'm real lost. Fucking waking up with nothing to do can be unbearable at times.


    So I'm doing meetings; lots of them, sometimes two a day. And I share. And share. And share again. And drink coffee. And smoke fags outside these meetings. I got to keep grounded, as this is still early days for me. I'm slowly trying other shit as well, and going to be seeing about some education and voluntary work.

    Stay safe, folks!
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeApr 19th 2013
    *hugs* flecky! You're a strong individual, keep on keeping on.
    • CommentAuthorchris g
    • CommentTimeApr 20th 2013 edited
    MISERABLE FUCK: Haven't secured a new job yet. I really fucking need to because I only have enough cash to cover my next car payment and that's it, fucked. I know it is stupid but I wish my old boss would regroup himself soon and start a store again. I shouldn't be relying on that type of thing but I guess I just miss the familiarity of it all. I really need to focus and get fucking real here, though. Seriously!

    LUCKY FUCK?: A smidgen of tax return money appeared in my bank account. I'm just trying to stay super careful with cash and focusing on using it so survive rather than buying shit I don't need. I'm pretending it's the Road Warrior-acolypse and I'm mainly spending on fuel and shit like tuna, fruits and oatmeal for simple sustenance. I dunno anymore!

    FUCKSAUCE: Flecky, don't know you very well but I am relieved you are still taking care of yourself and checking in here with us, man! Glad everyone is hanging in there. This is the only place that's been there for me when I had nobody to fucking talk to about a damn thing! I think we all deserve a break after what has literally been the week from Hell. Everyone: don't give any sick fucks the satisfaction and keep living on your terms. Don't ever be afraid!
    • CommentTimeApr 20th 2013
    Shoulder/traps are knotted up something fierce and I don't have anything on tap to convince them to relax... Only plans to wreck them even more with dying my hair, eventually heading to the gym to do more weight lifting, holding heavy books while standing at a mic to practice reading & recording myself, etc.
    Ain't got nobody....
    Weight refuses to budge. At least the freak out from last time looks like it was just water retention, but seriously, I'm stuck at 211 and worried if I let go of exercising for a day, or indulge just a hair too much it'll pop up to 215 and stay there.
    Makes me feel gross about even looking at another human in that way. Because who am I to give a come hither look when no one in their right mind would give me one.
    It's making my dreams and my waking kinda funky because my subconscious is practically salivating to get it on already and is pulling in any passing memory of a cutie for touchy feely dreamtimes; but then I wake up and I'm disgusted with myself.
    Stupid fucking metabolism.

    Shit blowing up and holy fuck this week. Yes, the Onion was spot on. And I lost this week to being glued to the TV, Twitter and NPR. I swear *every time* I wanted to get away something else would happen, another earthquake or explosion or hail of bullets. What the fucking fuck? Barely feel like there was a week in there, just a gigantic avalanche of information. I called myself an info-junkie from way back and this *smacks arm* has just a monster week of mainlining the shit.
    (Tangent: I'm getting tired of feeling excluded from a working definition of American because I'm not in the stupid (monolingual/uneducated/barbarous) American group. My high school education was actually worth a damn, my parents made sure I was interested in the world around me and my religion has always instructed me to place love as the paramount goal of every moment and every interaction. But this is a reiteration of an old joke, that Americans don't travel and only speak one language. It's why from high school to college I was hyphenated - Mexican-American - and now it feels almost rebellious to say, no, fuck you, I'm fully American, born and fucking bred.)

    But this week. Ugh. Did hardly anything that I really wanted to. A little gym time (but fell down on that by Thursday, and got the lightest of cardio yesterday), no Japanese whatsoever, only a little bit of reading/voice practice.

    I have a budget and am halfway to a plan for how to work the rest of the year - assuming nothing else blows up or whatever (please, dear God, we all need this). Of course, I have to keep from running off and buying myself Nice Things (I really need a new bra and decent workout clothes). It's all a loan and it's meant to go expressly into the voice Biz; but I can now proceed with the voice Biz!
    Niece's smiling face when she walks into the kitchen and I'm cooking and playing jazz. I could live on that shit.
    Random compliments from friends on voice work they've heard from me. Floaty happies.
    Comfort dogs.
    Cooked up a brie en croute per @seantaclaus's Twittered instructions and it was... strange. Baked up a bit weird, but I learned a few thing about how to prep dough and garlic in the kitchen, and damn if in the end it wasn't a treat to eat!
    Twitter tribe... I would feel so closed off and drowning if I only had my family to see day in and day out. (Of course, I have to limit it, Twitter plays way too easily into my addiction. Moderation in all things.)

    And last but not least, chicory coffee from Cafe du Monde.

    A few days ago I woke up from a dream where I learned my name was not my real name, my birth name. It was possible I wasn't given a name but the name I was used to was just applied later and not official. I can't remember why I needed to keep it hidden that I'd learned this, but I wrote the facts on a sheet of paper and made my way to a friend's place. They had a secret place where they hid various kinds of contraband and secret banned and taboo items. The paper with the acknowledgement that my name was false went in there (the action hidden in the middle of a party).

    I woke up really tired from that dream and in a kind of distress. It reads as pretty cool, but I woke up feeling stressed and nervous. I remember hiding away the piece of paper was like putting away some thing that was precious to me. That it was upsetting to feel like I didn't really know myself, but that my identity was a kind of mask that I dearly loved, a role that I could put on because I knew how to play it extremely well. I guess at a level that is beyond intellect I'm taking on the hard view that I have a long, long way to go to become myself.

    @dork, @faux I can only imagine how worried you are. *hugs* I'm glad you are ok and your tribe is safe and accounted for.
    @flecky - keep at it, man. You are doing it right and I'm so glad you're proving capable of wrestling with the shit in your life.
    • CommentTimeApr 24th 2013

    - Last full week in the office. Friday-Saturday is the moving time and next Tuesday is when we hand over the keys. I'm pretty on edge about this since it's been my job for a little over four years and while the pay has been crummy I really enjoyed coming in every day, doing work and have it all in the middle of the downtown core, walking distance from anything. Will still be helping the boss get set up at her place and ease a transition kind of thing by working a bit from home, so I won't be TOTALLY broke for the next little bit, but...I just can't work from home. It feels too much like stagnation. I need that commute.

    - That said, job searching is going horribly and I hate answering people's questions on how it's going. No beer places want to hire me due to lack of experience, but say they love my site and can't wait for my next post. Never been in that situation before and it's kind of like an added insult.

    - Something's medically wrong with me and my doctor and I don't know what it is yet. There are two issues, one, a lady parts issue, went through a test and now I'm on some meds that SHOULD do something to help. The second, the mysterious stomach issues, have just gone through a third wave of tests and gradually, bit by bit, things are being crossed off the list. Ulcer, tear in my stomach lining and acid reflux remain on the list, but cancer and other scary things are off it. We'll figure it out, just...BAH. Also might have Hypothyroidism, as I have a majority of the symptoms and it would explain why my weight won't budge and at least some of the depression. We'll see.

    - Didn't win that award I was talking about last week. Not too bummed out, as it was a pleasure to even be nominated and the guy who won REALLY deserved the hell out of it, just...feh.


    - Had a really amazing weekend in Regina with my family so dad could get his Juno Award. All the nights were fun, but I think my favourite was at an after party at one of Regina's best craft beer places and their entire beer selection was free. Got to cross a few beers of my wish list! Also I hung out with kd lang and her band! And Dad getting his award was a real proud moment for all of us.

    - Working on a better diet and am considering going back to being mostly vegetarian, with the occasional plunge in to veganism. I just felt better with that kind of diet. That said, I do still enjoy the odd pepperoni pizza or burger the size of my head.

    - Got a fun shirt in the mail.


    @flecky, you really do fucking rock, Fleck. Keep at it. And I get the loneliness. Feel free to come on here whenever you want. :)

    @ChrisG, Ah jeez, do I know how shitty the job search is. Really hope you find something soon!

    @Raz, UGH FUCK WEIGHT. It really sucks to be terrified of having certain foods for fear that the Line That Doesn't Drop will raise. But you can do it! I believe in you!
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeApr 24th 2013

    I got dive certified! Huzzah! Hopefully this will make me more employable.


    I still can't get a fucking job. I'm too under-qualified for some of the lower-level lab jobs but too over-qualified for super entry level lab jobs. There was one posting I actually couldn't apply for because I have a degree. But I don't have enough experience for the other ones. I can't even get a retail job. Fuck me.

    My mom's/grandma's/great aunt's dear friend, who was at my wedding, is still missing, to my knowledge. Fucking a...


    ((HUGS)) to everyone affected by the Boston events. My brother-in-law lives there and is doing well, thank goodness.

    @Raz - weight control sucks. It was a lot of 2-steps-forward one-step-back for me, so don't beat yourself up too hard if you do go up a few pounds. I know you can progress! And I know there are people out there who want ya ;) Some of my sexiest friends are also my heavier ones.

    @ChrisG - oy, job searching sucks. I'm sorry you're also in that hole :(
  2.  (11026.12)
    Dålig: (I'm attempting Swedish for the sake of amusement.)
    The depression has been winning lately. The weather (endless snow) has been driving everyone crazy. I'm overwhelmed with all the stuff I need to do and figure out, especially with the prints finally arriving and needing to frame/matt etc the ones that are gifts, and get the other prints ready to sell and so on. Considering how much money I am making right now (not enough), it looks like I am going to have to start dipping into savings to pay the bills etc. Not good. Self control is minimal and exhaustion is winning (wooo depression). One of my (very part-time) co-workers told me about a job she had good experiences at and that there are always need for cashiers there (something I figure would be a good thing to have done), except I'd be working for a company that is famously considered evil. And I did ask around, and apparently at this location they do treat their workers well (much better than my current situation), and I'd probably be making enough money/have enough hours to justify the drive and maybe even have enough leftover for some tiny savings. But I cringe at the idea of telling people that I work there. And then there's been stressful stuff going on in my family. I don't even want to start on my weight.

    Bra: (Yes, apparently the top word for good in Swedish is bra. The other one is god, but that just
    One of the reasons for the lack of incoming money is that I'm having a significant shortage of hours. I actually got sent back home because they didn't need me. I should be upset but mostly I'm just relieved. More time for me to work on my own stuff, less stress of being at work, and because everyone is getting a significant cut in hours, my leaving won't create drama. Or whatever. There might be a local place willing to sell my prints. That would be nice. Watson and Oscar (sister's cat) are extremely cute when they aren't being annoying.

    Folket i Whitechapel:
    @flecky: I'm crossing my fingers for you. You seem like a fellow who can deal with a lot of stuff, and I think you can deal with this.

    @chris g & oldhat: The job search, it does very much suck. Best of luck in finding something, and something that's good even.

    @razrangel & oldhat: FECKING WEIGHT. Last I checked, I'm gaining. (One of the reasons I didn't even bother with the monthly resolution check up.) I hope y'all can beat that sucker. Me too.

    @razrangel: Sorry to hear about the dream. I wish I could say something like don't worry that dream doesn't mean anything but obviously that isn't my place to say. I hope that in the long run, this helps you sort things out somehow.

    @oldhat: Damn, medical stuff sounds scary. I'm crossing even more fingers that you (and your doctor) figure stuff out pronto.
    • CommentTimeApr 24th 2013
    @argos, mind always goes back to this when I'm told I'm overqualified.

    • CommentAuthorFlabyo
    • CommentTimeApr 25th 2013
    @oldhat, @argos - 'Overqualified' is HR speak for 'you'll ask for more money than we can afford'.
    • CommentTimeApr 25th 2013
    It's also code for "we know what we're offering is shit, we're afraid you'll leave as soon as you get a better offer, and we don't like that because that sounds like more work for us".
    • CommentTimeApr 25th 2013
    It's not in the interests of most employers to hire anyone but drones, in other words. Yep, been there. IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE INTERESTS. I paid attention in school. I'm sorry. Here's an essay on why call centres are the very root of the devil's pecker.
    • CommentTimeApr 25th 2013 edited
    Despite posting the comic, I do know what "overqualified" means in that context, but it seems like employers don't really know how desperate and shitty the job market is nor do they understand the concept of applying for a job because one actually wants it. I have a lot of friends who have been searching for work for more than a year, are convinced that NOTHING good will ever come their way because it doesn't work that way and then when they get their first interview in months only to be told "Well, we WOULD hire you and you'd do an amazing job, but we just don't trust you to stay here if anything better comes along, which it won't any time soon, let me tell you"? Is one hell of a slap to the face. Especially if they're trying very hard to switch careers and get in to an entry level position in something they actually fucking ENJOY and they can't because the previous career's experience (which you have to mention because you can't get a job with no experience) are just too good and...

    Sorry. That turned in to a rant. It's just frustrating because the entire concept of looking for a job seems like this ridiculous catch-22 that is depressing and angering as fuck.
      CommentAuthorDoc Ocassi
    • CommentTimeApr 25th 2013 edited

    My Brother is in hospital, he has a degenerative nerve condition which causes him a lot of problems, including blindness, problems with balance and his bodies regulation of just about everything. His immune system is pretty shot and he has had an infection around his hart for the past fortnight, with a blood infection count of between 90 and 230 i believe, I don't know what the numbers mean but they are apparently pretty bad. so my mother has been in hospital with him looking after him. and he has to stay in another week.

    My mother is now away from my sister, who now seems to be getting migraines, possibly because of stress from the lack of support and above, she has a 2 year old son and lives alone now.

    all this is causing quite a strain on the family, and I am stuck quite a distance away and cannot be around them because of work commitments.

    Kinda shit is all i'm sayin.


    I am in preparation to do the Mongol Rally, an idiotic, and mildly narcissistic journey from Scotland to Mongolia in a 1.3 hatchback, I am doing it for two local charities that work for the visually impaired, which is supposed to offset my narcissism, but I don't let myself off that lightly.


    I would like to say "but you are so cute when you rant".. Ok. I already did, but rant away, it makes life both cathartic and interesting in one fell swoop, tl:dr is for the weak.

    I've never working in that industry. probably for the same reasons that your article exists, and I will be watching you more closely from now on.

    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeApr 25th 2013
    It's also code for "we know what we're offering is shit, we're afraid you'll leave as soon as you get a better offer, and we don't like that because that sounds like more work for us".

    Yeah, I get that, but some of these have been temp jobs. Like, I'm gonna be leaving anyway. If I get bored at a 3-6mo temp job, I'm gonna stick it out. Urgh.

    @Doc - shit man, that's a lot to deal with. ((hugs))
  3.  (11026.20)
    The Bad:
    I think my mom and stepdad will divorce. Okay. So I'm pretty damn sure it's going to occur at this point; and my mom is terribly stressed and my stepdad is acting in beyond bizzaro ways; those following my facebook or chatting to me as of late will know some of the details. Basically there's no logicing him out. No rationality to his behavior; or way to figure out how he'll act from one moment to the next; and it makes me mad as hell for how he betrayed my mother's trust in him ...for no reason... only to act like nothing occured the next day.

    My Good New Job just gave me a raise and more hours. Hopefully I'll become more financially stable :D I really REALLY REALLY like it there; and it's nice not having to worry so much about tourism as far as hours/wages go; and the people I work with are happy and awesome, and I'm doing things I like.
    Also: Got a nexus7. Lovin' it, and just having all sorts of fun with Tasker.

    @Doc- hugs. Lots to deal with, and my sympathies there. If you Do end up in Mongolia, come back with photos and stories. I hear mongolia's pretty rough now, with a lot of mugging/vehicle jacking/ corruption -so if you do it stay safe. Fingers Crossed.