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    • CommentTimeMay 8th 2013
    I actually saved those on tumblr!
    • CommentAuthorchris g
    • CommentTimeMay 9th 2013 edited
    Booo: Also still no job! I applied to the obvious retail/fast food spots online but they never respond. Being up all night and knocking out in the morning doesn't fucking help either. I checked out one of those staffing places but they said to come in Tuesday and I slept in like a moron. In my defense/excuse I got an annoying cough and was knocked out on nyquill all day. Ugh.
    Wrestling training is starting again next week. I just barely have enough for the $150 enrollment fee but I should grow the fuck up and just let it pass me by again. I can't be wasting money even though I've been wanting to do this for years. But I'm almost 28. I feel great but the last thing I need is going after a stupid dream so late in my 20's and end up getting hurt in the middle of it. I hate that I am not allowing myself the balls to do this and maybe open the doors up to adventure or some shit. I don't know. But these goddamn grown up priorities/survival must come first!

    Yay: Hmm. Nothing!

    You guys: @Oldhat - Those bugs sound like a nightmare. I've been getting a baby spider in bed every night this week but I sprayed a bit so they fucked off. I've also been getting regular size spiders, it's annoying. At least my cat alerted me to one I caught her playing with so that helps! Good luck with the weight loss. I may have over done the dieting and now everything fits me too big, damn it. Also I reallyyyyy want to start running too!! My old middle school is on my block. But last I checked there were fences closing off the track field, urgh. I just want to start! Also I did like that spoken word thing you did a lot.
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeMay 9th 2013
    YES! Mah Ladyfriend is awesome, won an award for teaching. Got to go to the reception, ate fancy finger-food and the guy with the drink tickets was her friend so we could've gotten blotto but she had to drive and I had to work later so we were modest and cordial. Met a lot of her work chums, made a good accounting of myself. The women seemed charmed and the men non-threatened, even a bit impressed.

    What ELSE is Yes!? (Nothing.)

    FUCK NO - Work continues to be shit - the three stupidest words in the English Language are "OPEN DURING RENOVATIONS". The difference between my work and McDonalds is that at McDonalds? There's only one clown running the show.

    Mah ladyfriend is going to Turkey. For nine days. On Friday. I know Turkey is a modern nation-state and not some filthy back-water but I also know WHERE Turkey is. And Bad Shit happens in that part of the world, for some reason. Hell, Turkey borders Iraq. AND Syria. So guess who's gonna be on tender-hooks for nine days?

    It's Mother's Day on Sunday. Don't ask.

    @oldhat - Try Kilgour's. Annex, Bathurst and Bloor. I know the owners, they're good guys. You might not start as a bar-tender but it's worth a shot. Hell, I'd love to meet you there for a shot and introduce you personally to Andrew and Peter.

    @chris - almost 28? You have your life ahead of you and it's marvellous, sir.
    • CommentTimeMay 9th 2013
    Yay: new apartment. Again. My fifth apartment in two years. But this one has a sixteen-month lease and it's cheap and it's in the best possible location (St Laurent and Rachel, zomg) and I might also be figuring out this how-to-live-with-someone-you're-sleeping-with thing too.

    No-Yay: still no internet at home. Sitting at the laundromat right now. I have no job and the boy has neither a functioning phone nor computer. So, putting the wifi off until we have enough working technology to warrant it. Also until 200$+ in setup fees (no fucking joke, it's totally wack) seems less daunting and more reasonable.

    You-Yay: Unemployment! We all has it! Luckily, sunbathing on the balcony with a nice cold bottle of delicious tap water is kinda free. And you're all invited to my place now that I have room (byobed).
    • CommentTimeMay 10th 2013
    einz: Quitting the next few weeks. I might grab a pack of the lozenges today, to break the habit before I deploy the Chantix to nuke the withdrawal. I asked my psychiatrist if I should be worried about the Chantix interacting with my Concerta or Zoloft, and she said going on it while my brain diseases were unmedicated was riskier. Which is true; I did tell a traffic cop that I hope he gets shot to death by a crackhead. I'll have to start lifting soon thereafter, as I really don't want my weight to shoot back up. I'm almost happy with my frame, dammit, and I don't want to have an excuse for going back to the butts.

    zwei: Feeling sick of the world. It's run by gangsters and sociopaths. I'm just going to huddle with my people and enjoy what I can before shit comes down.

    polizei: Food cravings are shit. I tend to gorge on meat and veg to stave off the carb beast, and it does help.
    • CommentAuthorScrymgeour
    • CommentTimeMay 10th 2013
    @mister Hex,
    Turkey's pretty safe to be honest. a large portion of it is closer to Greece than Syria, the people are some of the friendliest and most hospitable I've ever met, and global terrorism is a failed brand. Don't worry, my only bad experience in Turkey was in fact a drunken scots archaeologist threatening to cut my ear off at one of the first permanent largeish settlements on the planet
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeMay 10th 2013
    @scrymgeour - Yeah, I know all that. (She's going to Ankara, not Istanbul and probably nowhere near either drunken Scotsmen or archeological digs.) But part of me (A LARGE PART!) is extremely worried. This is a place where policemen carry machine-guns. Because they NEED THEM, not because they look cool. Friendly and hospitable and Turkish-speaking. (And another large part of me will never forgive the Turks, for Gallipoli, for a lot of things. Beastly people, the bloody Turks. Almost as bad as everyone else.)

    And I'm not a world traveller, y'know? I hate travelling. I couldn't imagine going somewhere that I couldn't speak the language. Whenever someone tells me about the exotic locales they've visited, all I can think of is how glad I didn't have to go there. I'd rather have a nail driven into my hand than to travel to about nine-tenths of the world. (Some people love travelling. Other people are me.)

    I can't help it. I'm not usually a worrying type. But anytime someone I love goes somewhere that starts with "Middle" and ends with "East", I get worried. A woman, travelling alone, in an Arab country? What could possibly go wrong? (SEE?! It's starting again ...)
  1.  (11026.8)
    Were you at Göbekli Tepe?
    • CommentAuthorWood
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2013
    Friendly tip : don't go around calling Turkey an "Arab country". Not in the presence of Turks, by any means. It's kind of like saying Scotland is part of England, only worse.
  2.  (11026.10)

    I spent Friday at WFMU again, and hoo boy, do I love that place and hanging out with those people. I asked facebook for a crockpot, and a fellow who volunteers there left one for me! HOORAY! I seem to have found my tribe of humans.

    I painted a painting and submitted it to a gallery show. It's not a very good painting, I think, and I seriously doubt that it will be accepted into the show, but I'm glad that I managed to even submit it.

    Also, my fellow is an amazing and awesome guy in general, and I'm feeling quite lucky and happy to have him in my life. He's supportive and smart and silly, and he brought me out to see comedian Doug Stanhope last week, which was FABULOUS.

    I have also been going to the gym nearly every day. It's two blocks from my apartment, and I've got the $20 a month membership which allows me all access all the time. So I trick myself into going, first saying to myself "well, I should at least go and enjoy the massage chair and the stretching horse thing" and then I tell myself "well, I could at least go on the bike for a little bit" and then I stay on until the awful and terrible pain subsides from the flood of endorphines kicks in and then I keep going until my butt hurts too much, and THEN I make myself go on the machines with very light weights, and THEN I go in this red light Beauty Angel booth that fills me with collagen repair goodness and a vibratey floor that makes me feel awesome. It's been eating up a lot of my time, this going to the gym almost every day, but really, trying to get my body to work properly is the most important thing I can do for myself. I know that this ability to go to the gym and be able to exercise is all due to my combination of medications (tramadol, prednisone, metformin, claritin D), and I know that I'll be taken off the prednisone at some point, and I know that at such a point I will hurt and not want to move my body at all, so I'm really trying to cram in as much good for my body as I can so that maybe I'll have forced myself into enough of an active life that when I'm taken off the cortisone stuff I'll still be willing to exercise. Or something.

    Regardless, it's really fucking amazing to have discovered the stationary bike. I'm always feeling so trapped in my body. Everything hurts, and I never get to be free. Dancing hurts. Running wrecks my ankles and I limp for days. Trying to bike out in the world kills my hips. But a stationary bike with no resistance?! Man oh man. Watch me go crazy! Watch me as I speed through 15 miles in less than an hour and get my heart rate up to 135 and I finally get to kick ass and push myself without breaking something on me. It's just so freeing.

    Also, prednisone is supposed to be a drug that causes unavoidable and extreme weight gain. I've managed to lose weight because of how much I've been pushing myself given this slight reprieve of constant pain.


    I still hurt. A lot. All the time.

    Getting ready to go out last week I dropped a lint remover on my foot and i'm pretty sure I fractured a toe. It hurts like hell and It's been days. Of course it's on the side that DOESNT have a crap ankle, so now I'm just generally gimpy.

    Money. This $20 a month gym membership seems to have pushed me over the edge now, and since I bought myself a tube of oil paint this month I don't think I'll be able to pay my phone bill. Living on $780 a month with nearly $600 in rent and utilities is just not feasible to live on, and I'm constantly freaking out about how to live. Most of my shoes have fallen apart, and I need new bras and stuff.

    I've gotten too brazen with my new athleticism and keep thinking that because I can go to the gym and bike for an hour every day that I could do things like walk around with the fellow. Nope. Walking sure does wreck me. My feet end up in pain for days, my hands ache from using the cane, my back is wrecked from having even just my camera around my neck. It's quite frustrating.


    It's both rewarding and frustrating to find that with just a bit of painlessness, every criticism made of me and my personality has disappeared. It's so clearly not an issue of psychology or psychiatry, I so clearly don't need anti-depressants. I just need to not feel like I'm made of 250 year old body parts. Even with wonky vision and hands that don't work and using a cane to get around most of the time, I've immediately started kicking ass and being a monster of productivity as soon as the pain was just lifted to a tolerable level. It's been a weird kind of head trip, watching this happen to myself. I feel better about myself, knowing that I'm not lazy, but scared for my future even more, since I know I've still no diagnosis, and I'll probably keep deteriorating as I age, and while the prednisone feels great now, it is only going to make my aging joints age worse.


    @oldhat - I'm sorry you are going through a medical mystery. It's frustrating to be a guinea pig to doctors, even if they have the best intentions of treating you.

    @fauxhammer - yes, that's how I tend to deal with the carb beast as well. GIVE ME ALL THE PROTEIN AND GREENS!!!

    @chris - 28 isn't too old to start anything. Seriously.

    @Flecky - keep it going man! Seriously. Your strength gives me strength.
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeMay 12th 2013
    Rachael that's awesome!! I love stationary bikes, they're awesome. But seriously, I am so happy to hear you've been able to find some form of exercise that doesn't wreck your body.
  3.  (11026.12)
    Bad - I spent most of 2011/12 complaining. So, while everything isn't perfect. I'm going to skip this section (venting is good/healthy so I'm happy to read everyone else's stuff, but for now, I need to not partake)

    The Good -
    Work has been great. I'm editing a comedy series that is actually funny. And the producer & director know what they have. It's not a big budget american sitcom, and it's not trying to be. And while i don't feel I've necessarily put my stamp on it, I'm damn proud to be working on it.
    Also, I started an indiegogo campaign, trying to raise $2000 to build a space ship set. 5 days in, and I'm already half way to the target. I posted it in the kickstarter thread round here if you are interested (My pitch video has a sample episode in it, so that should amuse you, if nothing else)

    the rest.
    @hex - hope the lady gets home safe. she's good people
    @Rachael - awesome. I don't get why we need to trick ourselves into doing things that are good for us but sounds like you have something that is working. Stick with it!
    @chris g - I know I skipped a section so I shouldn't talk, but you have to have SOMETHING good going on!
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2013 edited
    Bad - Just made the heartbreaking decision to give it a couple of more weeks and if nothing happens still, I'll be giving up on this wild and crazy fantasy to get an entry-level job in the beer industry. Either no one is hiring or no one is willing to hire me and I'm feeling pretty shitty over it. This was triggered by a friend of mine who just recently got hired by a brewery under a "We must have you, but we don't know where to put you!" position. As of today they now have her doing tours and tastings. This was the same brewery I applied to a while back and they told me they had nothing and they would keep me under consideration for tours and tastings. So yeah, taking it personally and feeling like a good failure. So fuck it. I'll look at brewery/bar/magazine/newspaper jobs for a few more weeks and then work at fucking...I dunno. Starbucks or something. Fund something that no one in the industry wants to fucking pay me for.

    Good - TCAF was a lot of fun. Made a chickpea curry that was pretty boss. Got a press kit in the mail that I liked.

    Sorry. Just needed to get that shit out. I've been crying about it for a bit now and I think I'm entering the "angry" stage of it.
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2013
    ((hugs)) oldhat. That shit sucks.
  4.  (11026.15)
    @Peter: I'm penniless and can't send you hard currency, but I can donate a couple of days' building labour if required.
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2013
    I keep forgetting to do this. I open the page and then something shiney comes along and suddenly it's a week later.

    Sorry, @Rachel, I don't know what most of that means. }:> I bleached my hair the max that I can without destroying it. hair falling out undermines fab hair of any color. I've made it work with red before. And actually it worked with blue, too, which surprised me. But purple not so much. *Sad face* If/when I have the cash I'll definitely see a professional. In the meantime, as my hair turns steadily lighter brown, I'm gearing up for red again.

    GOOD: I have the good laptop back. It's nice to have a machine that works. I even got to play with Google video chat because I couldn't work out how to dig something out of the admin mushy underbelly and a techy friend didn't want to try to explain it over IM. Oooh I've never video conferenced before (yes, I know I'm more than a decade behind everyone else - my clever phone flips open and takes snapshots that can only be sent to other phones), but there was even a simple step to let him take over the computer! That was so profoundly modern tech - supremely handy and amazingly scary!

    Grabbing my life and demanding that I run it. Mixed results so far. It's really challenging to reclaim everything that I ceded to depression/ennui/certainty of my helplessness. But it's filed under GOOD because for once I have the energy and what I would have once called stubbornness but today am calling determination. Gym-going is up this week. Vocal exercises are mostly happening. Working on cleaning so everything else can happen and generally demanding movement on all fronts every day.

    BAD: FUCK, living with my family can suck. I try very hard not to bitch. A. it makes me sound like I'm 16. B. The upsides are not to be underestimated (beats the shit out of living in a van by the river (if I had a van and there were a river)). C. I can suck it up usually. But... GAHHH My mom lives for treating me like I'm still underage; dotes on me some, but seriously, literally wants to know who I'm going out with and where we're going.... Living out here in Anaheim, while it's not as far as far can be from Los Angeles, it is most certainly not especially convenient to anything that goes on in LA. And 99.99% of the things that go on that matter to me go on in LA. Driving back and forth about 30 miles each way, when gas costs $4/gallon and my truck is a gas guzzler is fucking painful. And stuff at the house.... well sometimes it's ok, sometimes it drives me batty. Largely it's ok when it's quiet and the rest of the time my oldest brother is around. For those of you who haven't been playing along, OB is paranoid schizophrenic and that shit is a chore to deal with. Very long and complex story overly short: If it weren't for his illness I would have felt comfortable writing him off as self-obsessed asshole a long time ago. But he has even fewer prospects than I do just... goddamn he's obnoxious and doesn't take any advice to heart when it comes from the people who do care about him. But he deep in debt to soothsayers and others who tell him things he wants to hear (after he pays them), and so he keeps expecting he'll be one investment away from riches and just one message across his restraining order so he and his one true love can be together.

    My time isn't my own from about 6pm to nearly midnight because family. I stay up until the wee hours because of this, and then because of THAT it's hard to get up during actual morning hours. Which has me trying to get shit done just as the noise in the house is picking up and my attention is being called to be out with everyone else. Fuuuu.... Flip side, I still am loaded with WANT for someone else. For someone to give piece of myself, my life. Ugh. Talk about a subject that makes me feel squirrelly. As I tell OB, no one just gets handed a romantic partner. We get what we get and we should treasure it. Because we sure as shit aren't entitled to it. Sometimes it's A Thing that gets me out of bed, sometimes it's A Thing that makes me lay around aching.

    Finally, health is...?? Either I have cancer or body is doing some unusual but relatively healthy stuff. WebMD is inconclusive. Oh hello, life without health insurance, how are you. TMI:
    On my third bleeding cycle in 5 weeks. Perimenopause? Quite possibly. But... *sigh* Need to do more homework. And probably see a real doctor no matter what.
    At least the eyes aren't being buggy right now. *knocks wood*

    SALUTATIONS: @Rachel - so glad you've worked out some way to get out and get moving. However small, it's a gift you can give yourself, and I'm glad you are able to do so.
    @oldhat - sorry you were overlooked this time. Happens to the absolute best of us. Stick to your guns though, you know your shit.
    @Hex - lost track of days as to whether your lady is back or what. Hope it's all good. You're being a bit silly. But cute.
    Love you all.
    • CommentAuthorScrymgeour
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2013 edited
    Keep going, it took me almost 4 years of shitty bar jobs to get one I like in the alcoholic beverage industry but now I can't imaging doing anything else.
    Have you thought about looking at it from the other end and doing a sales job for them first? The brewers themselves are often chemical engineers and whatnot.
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2013
    @razrangel, try Planned Parenthood for the lady issues? They do gyn stuff for uninsured women.
  5.  (11026.19)
    Hey Whitechapel! How've you been?

    @Oldhat/Raz/Rachael - Too many medical mysteries 'round these parts. You all deserve a diagnosis and subsequent treatment because the world needs to keep it's fabulous ladies in fighting form.
    @Faux - Do what you gotta do to quit the smoking. Let's keep your ass out of the medical drama camp. And I'm only slightly saying that because I'm going to be doing rewrites on a short story this weekend.
    @Hex - The lady should be home soon yes?
    @Flecky - Keep hanging in there mate.
    @ChrisG - 28? Why I was just discussing how my early 30s were really when I got my shit together enough for my life to feel like it was starting. Youngin'!

    A few weeks ago I went to a wedding just outside of LA. It was the first time I'd been back there since I moved away in 2006 and as soon as I got on the 405, it felt like I was home. I really want to move back, although the likelihood that that's in the cards any time soon isn't. The wedding was for my cousin, who married a friend of mine so it was a family party and a friends part all at once. It was awesome. While there, I met this total smokin' hottie who fancied me back even though there was a swarm of dudes trying to pick her up all night long. The next day we went to the Getty Center (one of my favorite places in LA) and hung out. It's possible there may have been kissing on the Getty Lawn. Maybe. It turns out not only is she cute as all get out, but she's also a wicked cool, bad-ass chick. SHE USED TO HAVE A MOHAWK FER GOSH-DANG SAKE! At the moment she lives in Brooklyn, so she's only a few hundred miles away. Since then we've texted and called one another almost every day. I was going to go to New York this weekend and crash on a friend's floor so that I could see her, but she canceled a couple of days ago. She's directing an off-broadway play and the first show is in a couple of weeks and so she realized that she's going to be tied up with that. I'm sad that I can't see her, but think it's pretty awesome that she does stuff like this. I've decided I'm going to go to the city for my birthday in the middle of June. I'll get a hotel for a couple of nights, see her show, see her, and try and connect with various friends while I'm there. (Whitechapel meet-up the weekend of the 15th?) Speaking up WC meet-ups, when I left the Getty Center it was to see Razrangel, Oddbill, David Lajune, and MikiM! We ate food, drank beer and were generally merry. Then I bathed in corpse juice, because what else does one do in a cheep downtown LA hotel? Since returning home, the new lady person (I'm never really sure how to define these things, particularly when there's a long-distance component) has kept me inspired. I've written two songs and ground out the outlines for a few more chapters in the novel. As well as the short story mentioned earlier (which is really a stand-alone chapter in the bigger book). I love hanging out with cool people who do creative stuff. It always leaves me energized. It's one of the reasons I love you lot. (OK, I'm far too sober to be declaring my love for the internest so I'll say good night now.)
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2013
    @Raz - seconding PP. They're great if you have little to no income and no insurance. My mom had endometriosis when she was bleeding a lot. Not saying that's what it is, just saying that was the case with my mom.