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  1.  (11039.1)
    It's Thursday, it's mid-afternoon in London, it's another wrongheaded morning in Mericky, it's who-the-fuck-knows-when in Australia, and it's time for more Crossed Hideosity.

    Episode 43, live and free-to-air.

    Remember: Not safe for work, not safe for minors, not safe for people of a nervous disposition, not safe for Tracklements, not safe for Tufnell, not safe for GOLDEN! MALT! VINEGAR!

    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2013
    Dopest cliffhanger so far!
  2.  (11039.3)
    Not so much a cliffhanger, since he's writing it all AFTER it's happened. But it is interesting to see if the shot just doesn't kill Shakey, or if the shell blows up in the guy's face.
    • CommentAuthorblighty
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2013
    Seems pretty clear the gun is going to backfire and splatter Jasper's face, lol. I am guessing that the bloody knife and glove with Shaky at the start is because Jasper just gets horribly wounded, so the rest of them finish him off. I wonder if they will try to hide the body, since Jasper has allies. Could be that this will cause more strife, especially if they try to hide the corpse and are unsuccessful since Elisa and Dez are basically bloodthirsty retards at this point. I was surprised at Shaky's boldness for a second time with Jasper though. He is growing a bit of a spine - though I guess it was Jasper's threat to Tabitha that triggered it. I also did not expect Shaky's flashback to play out quite the way it has. I thought that Agnes would be the downfall. I figured she would alert the Crossed for revenge, but her suicide was realistic. Now the Gamekeeper is having a meltdown. Not sure I can hazard a guess as to what he will do next.
  3.  (11039.5)
    Long time reader of all things crossed and lurker of crossed forums; first time participant, here. These last two episodes have been stellar, Si. I was elated to see that Shaky FINALLY got some in episode 20, after an onslaught of on-his-head shitting and even more pleased to see that Jasper finally (hopefully) gets his comeuppance. <em>Wish You Wer Here</em> is surely becoming my most anticipated weekly read.

    I'd also like to say that, as a Yank, a lot of the lingo your characters are using goes right over my head, but I manage to get the point every time due to context or some other kind of inference. I think I'm slowly but surely catching on to the varying dialects/vernaculars, though. I wonder if that's a challenge for you to write that way.

    Also... I'm blown away at how all other English speaking languages (aside from us United Statesians, of course) have seemed to revolutionized the use of profanity. I. Fucking. LOVE it. I mean... I had no idea that 'cunt' could be a noun, adjective, verb, or even an adverb! It's fantastic! I was explaining this to some friends at a bar last night, and in an attempt to display the wonders of the c-word I said something to the effect of "The bloody cunt cunted it up real cunting big this time, for cunt's sake!" Which probably sounds like gibberish to you, but we had a laugh about it and were shot some shifty eyes from nearby virgin ears.
    • CommentAuthorDethklok
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2013 edited
    I think Viceroy knew something was wrong with the bullets, but no one listens to him and he got cut off before he could finish the thought. Good bullets wouldn't make so much smoke either. Think Shaky was looking to the resolution of the Jasper situation as bringing him back into the Cava fold, taking care of a dangerous fucker. But this situation now is an opportunity. Viceroy probably won't complain if Jasper bites it, Richie hates him, and Shaky hates him. Jasper's force of personalty isn't enough.

    But by stabbing an injured Jasper and presumably hiding the evidence, Don and Rab when they find out might just take things back to usual and keep Shaky out as it is his word against theirs.
    • CommentAuthorfenrir07
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2013
    I thought the nun would preach and the GK would turn the shotgun on himself. Didn't happen, lol. Still some powder left in the old GK. Btw, what age is he? Gotta' be hard for an old guy living on the run, weather getting colder and all...

    ...Jasper, dunno, gun might blow in his face. If someone takes a bullet I figure it's going to be Viceroy. Don't hate him or anything but that guy aint' safe (still surprised he made it through the sortie)...
    • CommentAuthorblighty
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2013
    @Dethklok Yeah, poor Viceroy. It is a running joke that always gives me a laugh. Anytime he is timidly mumbling, you know something crazy is about to happen, lol.
  4.  (11039.9)
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2013
    Hell of a cliffhanger, and Viceroy narrowly avoiding death time and time again is the best running joke ever.
  5.  (11039.11)
    What a great episode but you know,just KNOW a friggin' interlude is coming! This is by far the best thing on the web.
    • CommentAuthorMrBogey
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2013
    Great cliffhanger. I'm guessing since they found it on a beach the ammo is damaged due to being waterlogged. Lots of things can go wrong with poor equipment. You don't fire questionable ammo unless you've got to.

    I bet he didn't even check the barrel of the rifle they haven't fired in weeks yet have dragged halfway through perdition and back. Sloppy. A slight coating of mud and even perfectly functioning ammo will rip the barrel to shreds and take off the hands of the shooter.

    I've already read this one 3 times tonight. Can't wait for Volume 2 to hit.
  6.  (11039.13)
    I knew the Gamekeeper was a romantic!

    Maybe Tabitha fucked courage into The Shakes!

    "Eliza and Des are basically bloodthirsty retards." Keep it classy, Blighty.

    "Really cunting big this time." You too, Duvall.
    • CommentAuthorfenrir07
    • CommentTimeApr 5th 2013
    Btw, on Agnes:

    Saint Agnes = patron saint of amongst other things gardeners and rape victims...

    ...funny she was named Agnes, eh...
    • CommentAuthorBadBeast
    • CommentTimeApr 5th 2013
    Well Shaky's exile will be over now. To be honest, I'd want to be having a quiet couple of weeks myself, if I'd just been through heading an expedition that just reeked of as much despair as that one. With the biggest mix of cracked pots, and well, it's not even PTSD, is it? It's various, randomly fluctuating degrees of Stress Disorder. between present, post, and pre. I think I'd have shot that soggy bollocks, bi-polar, bucket of clusterfuck Jasper before getting on the Fraggle Rock ferry back home. "Oops, shit, guys, I just shot Jasper in the face, and he's gone a bit . . dead. Oh well."

    No-one liked him, everyone was afraid of him, he was a misanthropic, bad tempered control freak, with a dangerously short fuse and the kind of "Weekend Warrior" mentality that you wouldn't trust to manage the logistics of a week with a Boy Scout troop. Fuck him. Godd riddance. Rab and Don will be all welcome home, it's Prodigal Shaky, we're sorry we all went a bit "Lord of the Flies" with you back there Mate, but fookin' hell, it's been nothing but one big barrel of bumblefuck ever since you left Mate. Will you not come home? We've prepared the fatted Tabitha in your honour . ..

    Shaky looks around, stands up, and says "Ain't gonna need this house no longer, ain't gonna need this house no more, ain't got time to fix the shingle, ain't no time to pitch the floor, ain't got time to oil the hinges nor to mend no window frame"
    he looks up, and everybody just freezes, then they all burst into laughter. Don, in a rare moment of abandon, starts to sing too. "There's an old pi-anna and they play it hot, behind the greeeen doe-ah" and they all fall about, laughing like the was going to stop with the hoots of released tension. Like a big happy family, with a new, triumverate of directors, the Tesco's saver Charlie "call me sir" Manson dead behind them on the beach, and fucking hell, everyone's laughing like they were bessy Mates, and for the first time ever, glad of each other's company. Fraggle's head back across to their Kingdom, Shaky's finally there, take his place, on his Throne, Prince of everything there"

    Seriosly though . . . . . nah, can't be serious after posting that that shameless Shakin' Stevens shit. I bet Tabitha's resigned to being the Island Ho', sucking cawk for 3 pebbles a day. She'll be ever so pleased to see Daddy "O" Shaky, waving his bloodstained pimpin' hand at her. Jackson might swing by as he leads his own Fae Wild Hunt people, on his way back to whichever wibble bibble batshit, Mad dog's shite. Everyone die horribly soon but not today.
  7.  (11039.16)
    I reckon the bullets work, but it hits Viceroy or Richie and kills them. It gives Shaky an excuse to kill him saying that he attacked Richie or Viceroy while discrediting Jasper at the same time and making Shaky seem like a good guy again.
    • CommentTimeApr 6th 2013
    It doesn't matter what happens to Jasper, they don't need an excuse; they can make up anything they like. They've stopped in at Shakey's because they missed the curfew and can't make it back to Cava. Easy enough to say "Shit; Jasper died on the Sortie".

    Really loving it so far Si, some stellar work in the last few weeks. I don't think I could take an interlude after that!
    • CommentAuthorBadBeast
    • CommentTimeApr 7th 2013
    Like Lee Scratch Perry said, "Kill dem all, an' come back alone"
  8.  (11039.19)
    Tampered Ammo blows off Jaspers hand & he's 'helped on his way' thereafter. That's why we were shown the bloody glove & knife. Shakey is still not out of the woods. He's still got to deal with Jaspers fans.

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