Vanilla is a product of Lussumo:Documentation and Support.
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"Rachael, why don't you reconsider communicating with your mother. She really loves you and misses you. Holding a grudge against her is not benefiting either of you. You can't blame her for being an imperfect mother since she was so young when she became pregnant. Furthermore, her parents were not very loving or supportive of her so she did not have a good model to follow. She believed that what she was doing was best for you. Nobody is perfect. Your mother is having a difficult time dealing with your stepfather's dementia right now and she is financially strapped as well.You should behave more maturely and consider other people's issues. There are people with worse situations than yours. I hope everything works out for you."
This is not, by any means, "holding a grudge." I have decided, though much deliberation and self exploration, that having contact with my mother is not healthy for me. Distance between us might not be benefitting either of us, but being in contact with her causes me far more emotional and psychological harm. I have tried repeatedly, and it always ends up the same: damaging to me.Things go far beyond being "imperfect". I cannot maintain a relationship with anyone who has caused the damage that my mother has in my life without the capacity to take responsibility for those actions. These actions did not change when she grew older; she made the same selfish decisions when she was in her thirties and beyond. The pattern of behavior remains. Things might be different if I actually DID believe that she thought what she was doing was best for me. I don't. I don't think she was thinking of me anywhere near as much as she was thinking of herself, and I suffered for that. I understand that she is having a hard time in life right now, but I don't think that would be aided in any way by having a daughter come into her life who has little to no compassion for her, nor any means of helping her whatsoever. I've ended up rather emotionally burnt out, and have difficulty feeling anything towards her aside from weary avoidance. I wish it weren't the case. If I had money, I'd probably help her out financially while keeping my distance, but I don't.