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  1.  (11154.41)
    oldhat: I should try doing that with techno for my daily exercise!

    Good:

    My rheumatologist is awesome! He went through all my test results (which were many, few of which were abnormal, and of mysterious origin) with me, took ten more vials of blood for MORE tests, is going to find me a Chiari Malformation specialist for me to see (!!!!), and gave me a script for prednisone. Prednisone makes me feel like She Hulk, and it's amazing. I'll totally get to start exercising again! Also, a DJ at WFMU is giving me her press pass for tomorrow so I can go to NYCC. All I really care about is meeting Colin Baker and Nicholas Briggs. I'm so excited. Also, I'm fighting the gloom. I'm doing things like SHOWERING.

    Bad:

    The gloom likes to cling. It's weird, because emotional stress makes my innards go all wonky, and even as I start to drag myself out of it, my intestines are still angry for a while. I'm still having trouble sleeping, and wake up every hour due to anxiety. Prednisone, while awesome, will make me start to gain weight in a big way, This sucks, as I've just gotten to probably my lowest adult weight that wasn't borne of Lyme Disease, herbal Phen-fen, or a summer long crystal meth spree.
    •  
      CommentAuthordorkmuffin
    • CommentTimeOct 11th 2013
     (11154.42)
    @Rachael, I'm glad the prednisone helps, but I'm extra glad that it's tolerable! I know a LOT of people have trouble with it and they hate taking it. Hope the weight gain isn't too frustrating.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeOct 12th 2013
     (11154.43)
    @Rachael: Things seem a bit better for you, and I'm glad your making head-ways in seeing a specialist. Probably like me, you've got to attack the gloom to defeat it; keep it at bay. It's hard work. Good news about NYCC.
  2.  (11154.44)
    I haven't done one of these since July. In fact, I haven't done on since I went on holiday - just haven't had the time. So, here goes:

    The bad.

    Overall, things aren't going too badly.

    There's always the lack of money, I get paid decently enough but don't have the cash flow for my not inconsiderable demands. General dilapidation of my house, which lack of money prevents me from sorting out properly. The garage door fell off, the other week, I put it back on but I'm no handyman so it's a bit of a bloody mess. The roof of my study is leaking again, temporary repairs I did over the summer haven't really held. To reroof the thing properly is going to cost several hundred pounds in materials -I need a whole bunch of sheet material and roofing felt and I'm also concerned about the ability getting up there to do the work especially at the front of the structure where the pillars holding the porch area up are pretty flimsy. And I think that poses me a real problem, because I've got a lot of expensive stuff in it that I don't have room for in the house... and the conservatory is leaking and the gutters have fallen off. So not all that well set for winter.

    My baby daughter is 11 months old, and not sleeping very well. She ends up in bed with us all the time, and we're struggling to make headway on it. I had a couple of nights last week where I could barely function at work the next day due to disrupted sleep. I need a lot of sleep, and having it messed up doesn't really do me much good, or my partner, although she doesn't have to get up for another three hours or so after me.

    I think my car might be on its last legs. It's just gone through its annual test OK, but the leaking head gasket is still there and it will need new brake discs in the next year. So at some point soon am going to have to replace it, and I don't know what with.

    Also, weight is proving very difficult to shift. Exercise is proving really hard to force myself to do and I'm lapsing into bad eating habits again.

    The Awesome

    I'll be starting a new job at the end of the month. I'm leaving my current role to go into a project management one where I'll be responsible for the business side of a huge intranet replacement project. I'm really excited about this, have been working for several years on getting this through and have finally been able to make the case. Will be very different, quite daunting, the first steering group involved three Board directors, but it does feel that my career is finally moving in the right direction after a long time being stalled. So it's all good. Bit of a payrise, not enough to really dent my debt mountain though...

    I turned 40 in September. That's not great in itself, I suppose, the good thing is that I reacted to it in a much more mature way than I expected to. When I was 30, I sulked for a year, this time I've not been so childish, which is good. I did go to Brighton and danced until 3 in the morning, which was great, I also ran into a very old friend who I formed a band with when I was 15 and who introduced into the Southampton goth scene in the late eighties. I last saw him several years ago when I was extremely drunk, and wrote his number down wrong. This time, I was still in a nightclub, but less drunk, and you he gave me a business card which I managed not to lose.

    The car has four new tyres. And is consequently lovely to drive. I figured it's probably the last set it's going to get before the breakers.

    And also I'm meeting my lovely sister for lunch on Sunday. I haven't seen her in ages.

    My girls are lovely. They're monstrous and challenging in equal measure, but I do adore them.


    Applause.

    @Rachael: as ever sorry to hear of your continuing health problems. You should move to Europe and take advantage of our communist health systems...

    @Fauxhammer - terrible news about your father. I sincerely hope you have the time you need to sort out any loose ends.

    Congratulations to everyone who is doing well with creative endeavours as well. Gives me encouragement that I might get there too. One day,



    blah
    •  
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeOct 13th 2013
     (11154.45)
    Let's do Good first.

    Just got back from Montreal. Helped my girlfriend with dog care/companionship/support. Lovely architecture, the people all very stylish and generally good-looking. Fun times, made her laugh a lot. Took some pressure off her. She's off to her other house for a week so I miss her and she misses me. It's ... O-kay. (More later.)

    It's Thanksgiving. CANADIAN Thanksgiving. REAL Thanksgiving. To paraphrase Alden Nowlan - "This is a country where you can condemn a man to death just by locking him outside." A couple more weeks till Halloween. (It's on the 31st this year.)

    Some real progress, creatively. Word-counts into five digits and it's all starting to come together.

    Flip-side?

    Montreal smelled like horse-shit. I hate travelling. She's gone for a much-needed reading week/busman's holiday. Our relationship ... may not last. I hope it does and I'll do literally anything and everything in my power but ... she's starting to become .... not dissatisfied with me but ... I dunno. I was worried about the trip but it was fine (other than the whole place smelling like horse-shit.)

    I'm hosting Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. In about 16 hours. Our first Thanksgiving without my mom. Only five people, counting me (my other sister couldn't make it) but yeah. To say it will be "stressful" is like saying "World War Two was a slight disagreement about borders."

    @JC - Don't DIY unless you know how to. And protect your valuables.

    @Rachael - get better, hon.

    @ all - Be Happy.

    @oldhat - I don't do pictures.
  3.  (11154.46)
    Mostly because I actually have recent self portraits.

    Yay:
    I am doing fun things (dancing) on the nights of the 25th, 26th, 31st and 1st, because I can (25 & 26), and Halloween (31 &1). And the guy has been told he can show up (25,26,1) because I like him and it would be fun (but if he doesn't, well, I can have fun without him). He seemed to like the idea, but wasn't about to make any promises. I'll admit that I am hoping that he shows up, and that dancing turns into sexytimes. For obvious reasons. Also, I think I found a Freya dress. Hmmm... seems I need to wear an extra sparkly gold Norse looking necklace.

    Boo:
    Money is tight, and the never ending lack of certainty with the guy. I try to make my peace with that fact, but I like certainty, even though I don't really want commitment. I just like knowing what the expect (or, "the rules"). Energy is questionable, and organizing my new place is hard, especially since money is tight. Also, figuring out costuming is hard because... money is tight.

    Everyone Else:
    @Rachael: Glad there are good things going on. I wish your family didn't suck so much. I hope things get better.

    @razrangel: I hope things start improving incredibly in the family/housing situation. Are there good local libraries in the area?

    @oldhat: Is your hand feeling better yet? I hope so. Also, clearly you continue to be awesome.

    @flecky: Good on you for staying sober. Hurrah hurrah!

    @JP Carpenter: Glad there are good things happening, and I hope you find ways to afford fixing up your work space and protecting your nice things. Can you put your nice things in boxes and store them for the time being, until their safety is more guaranteed? I know that means less access to them, but at least they won't get ruined!

    @mister hex: I hope all the coming holidays without your mom are bearable. And I think you can keep things working with the girlfriend.

    Photo:
    new dress/apartment 1
    •  
      CommentAuthoroldhat
    • CommentTimeOct 14th 2013 edited
     (11154.47)
    @trini, AWESOME dress!

    And my hand seems to be getting better. It looks like it's psoriasis triggered by...I dunno. Stress. All I know is that I have a cream that's making it go down.

    Still going to buy evil villain opera gloves, though.
    •  
      CommentAuthorallana
    • CommentTimeOct 15th 2013
     (11154.48)
    Good:
    Thanksgiving is OVER thank fuck GOD because I am EXHAUSTED

    Bad:
    Can't really words go how 'member
    and I have one million school things to work on this week, many of which are due next week, oh god someone please save me
    Family and friends are not supposed to sap this much of your life essence
    •  
      CommentAuthorallana
    • CommentTimeOct 19th 2013
     (11154.49)
    Bad:
    It's been almost a week since everyone left and I still feel totally braindead. I've slept like a baby, and tried to get work done, but I'm pretty much semi-vegetative all the time.

    Good:
    I've decided that since I'm going to graduate soon and start doing that whole marketing-oneself thing, I just spent two hours researching how/whether to start a second Tumblr for profession-related things (and how to hide some of the more gorey content on my personal Tumblr) and then how to automatically update to LinkedIn when I pro-Tumblr and maybe whether using Tumblr for whitepapers and other things is a good idea? I know it isn't (not even for indexing) but I'm gonna do it anyways because the modular-networking thing is still pretty real to me. (Input on this would be good. I'm sure there's ways to screw this up, and the bloody stuff isn't exactly unfindable, I know, but ... )

    Also good is the boy finally got a computer. And it's a gaming desktop and it's great and when he's not playing Skyrim I'm playing XCom again and it's great and I love it. Hrm, maybe this has something to do with being semi-vegetative.

    You:
    Trini, it IS a great dress.
    Patrick, lemme know if your five-digit word-count needs an editor. Happy to help.
    JP, so glad to hear things are going well!
  4.  (11154.50)
    Fuck the marketing department.
    Townhall meeting of 150+ employees yesterday and an unbelievable amount of time was spent talking about all the time/money/energy the company is putting in to promote a new show with Steven Page.
    I get it, I totally get it. He's a marquee name on TV station we're trying push this year but I spent 10+ weeks on an inhouse show that also debuts this week that has gotten ZERO push.
    I'm not naive, I understand there are limits to time/money and there are priorities that have to be focused on. But if it doesn't occur to ANYONE IN THE ENTIRE MARKETING DEPARTMENT to take 8 fucking seconds to mention FOR FREE that show is debuting to our own employees it kinda says how they are approaching the show as a whole. If anyone sees it at all, I'll be shocked
    But lets all clap for the fucking sales department 1 more time, cause it's been 30 seconds since we noticed them.

    FUCKING A
    The webseries I am making (with a good friend) is coming along nicely. 9 episodes shot, 4 more to shoot this weekend, and the 1st episode is all but done.
    it's short (like 1 min per episodes) and it's stupid, but I love it.
    AND I have a distributor interested! Which means rather then just throw this on Youtube and see what happens, it'll actually get put on a site with other Scifi content and included in potential TV sales.
    Even if I don't make a dollar from the deal (it's all revenue sharing), its gone farther then I expected it to and I own it. No having to deal with anyone burying it. Live and Dies by my own hand.
    Working out release schedule now, likely sometime next month.

    @Trini - good luck with the sexy times! (and the money thing sucks, but we all already know that)
    @JP - Congrats on the career front. Totally appreciate what it like to come out of a "stalled" period.
    @Hex - How did thanksgiving go? Stop by my place and we'll share some whiskey & I can show you the spaceship....(If I was single, that'd be my only pickup line btw)
    @Alana - As much as I actually liked school, being done was so much better. Kudos for you for not waiting till then to get shit sorted!
  5.  (11154.51)
    @Oldhat & @allana: Thanks! :D (I can't figure out a way for The Guy to see me in said dress, which is slightly upsetting to me.

    @Peter Kelly: Thanks. By the 2nd of November, I'll know where he stands at least. (And how he stands, hopefully. Sorry, couldn't resist.)
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeOct 27th 2013 edited
     (11154.52)
    OCH! MA LIFE IS SHITE!:

    I'm waiting for Hurricane Bastardos to come and rip a hole through England. It was pissing down semi-biblical last night when I was on my crap road trip to Birmingham, so it may get a bit more mental later.

    I'm taking the mick out-of nearly everything, and I got a feeling this may backfire on me, so I best try and curb it a bit.

    WO-OH BLACK BETTY BAMBALAM:

    Yeah, Birmingham yesterday for yet more N.A. stuff. Worcester the night before. Gloucester on Thursday. Wednesday: Cheltenham. Fucking tourist, that's me.

    WILD THING - AH THINK AH LOVE YOU:

    @Peter: Good stuff with the webseries!
    @allana: Glad your Thanksgiving ordeal is over.
    @mister hex: Hope your Thanksgiving ordeal didn't shred your neo-cortex to mush.

    EDIT: The storm didn't hit where I live. Bit of a disappointment, that. I got an appointment tomorrow for a scan on my head, to hopefully find-out whats going on with these foul, insect-scraping, Novocaine-brain headaches I've been having for months. I just hope they don't have to inject ink into my corpse. Ugh: I hate Mondays.
    •  
      CommentAuthorrazrangel
    • CommentTimeOct 28th 2013
     (11154.53)
    It's my Saturday night. But I'm staying in like it's a Monday night because I'm poor.

    GOOD: Working on the stage managing gig with a tiny VO role for me. Weird, awesome. I keep stopping to check because I expect to feel sad or angry, but other than incidental things that are personality-driven (the director and producer are more likely to drive me to drink than the actors, now that is strange!) This is fine work. I can handle this and I don't resent it. }:>

    Friend generous to let me occupy her couch most of the week is a dear and her housemates are very cool to me. i hardly have to do anything to get along. Friend is also a costumer so she hooked me up with amazing pieces for a last minute Halloween party. I'm very glad I took the time and had her help - it was a fancy dress costume party at LACMA that normal folks had to pay $100 easy to attend. So lots of very clever, very pricey/complicated costumes that took effort on someone's part.

    BAD: But I'm poor. Stipend from the SM gig keeps my head above water barely, largely making sure there's enough gas in the truck to get me to rehearsal. Friends are very generous with their house which means people drop by at all hours. It's exactly that generosity that lets me crash there and come and go as I please, but I wish I could count on so many hours of being in peace. Oh well, it's a step up from being at home.

    Home is still a ginormous mess. Schizophrenic brother clashes with anxiety-ridden, OCD brother in law. Sis ain't quiet about it, and niece and dog are both adopting anxieties. Someone around here is stealing cash from inside wallets. This is a new development. And disturbing. Niece is very kid-like, easily distracted and fairly anti-schoolwork. Which is a bit weird to me. I liked getting my school stuff done and I took pride in getting it right. And then I fuck off and watch TV for hours... The kid will get stuff done at home because we stand guard over her and make her do it until it's right. But it takes all day long and it's no fun for anyone. At school she screws around and classwork doesn't get done. So that trouble follows her home and... *sigh* I'm a teenager again, pulling straight A's but not allowed to watch TV because my brothers were slacking off so much no one was allowed access...

    We're all freaking out about money.


    Tomorrow I'm back to my friend's house. It's lovely to be away from the chaos. But it's still not home.

    Every day is Halloween...

    BEAUTIFUL All of you... You're just all lovely.

    @Trini - I hope it all becomes more clear very soon. So hard to take a steady breath when you don't know if your money or your man is about to part ways with you.
    @Peter - Web series woot! Yeah for making stuff and getting it out there!!
    @allana - hope you've gotten some good rest.
    •  
      CommentAuthorVornaskotti
    • CommentTimeOct 30th 2013 edited
     (11154.54)
    \o/

    One by one, the big things have fallen off my back. I've made enough noise here about the novel and the dive school, and those continue to be awesome. There's sense of closure there and genuine contentment. I've had some actual free time - like "come home, turn on the console or a computer, and game the evening away without guilt about stuff undone" type of free time. That has not been an abundant commodity in my life for quite a while.

    Financially, December is looking like the suck's finally over. The tide turned last spring, but looks like I'll be properly out of the water in a little bit over a month, barring a surprising several hundred euro catastrophe.

    Adventure Girl and me have had great weekends and evenings. Went for a day-long film festival about mountaineering, skiing and all such wonderful exploration, and yesterday we went to a local travel company's Kilimanjaro evening. There is a plan forming here - going to be a long time before we can act on it, but a plan nevertheless... :)

    /o\

    I'm really bloody tired. Exhausted. No holidays coming before Christmastime, and that's usually not the most relaxing holiday there is, seeing as it's in the middle of the most soul crushing dark time here in Commie Reindeerland, plus it's the end of the year when everything culminates, and it's a mess of travelling around and seeing family. I'd really need a couple of weeks off of everything - just grab the Adventure Girl and head away somewhere that doesn't have internet or phones. Can't really see when I'll have the chance to do that.

    Tomorrow is a payday and the money is already gone to bills and expenses I've kicked ahead in the lean months of summer. It's not a disaster, but November is going to be pretty fucking lean. I've lived the last couple of weeks literally exclusively off the money I've got from selling the novel by hand to friends and colleagues, which has been amusing but getting a bit old. Also, I've mostly saturated the market, so it won't be a solution for the next month :) The whole money thing is a shared agony, since AG hasn't had much love from the job market here, which is on the pleasantness level of no-lube-pegging with a claw hammer. Very promising second tier reviews, though, so it's just a matter of time and luck. Being this brain tired, I can't help feeling apprehensive about December and somewhat pessimistic - I just "know" some weird and expensive catastrophe is going to happen. Well, there is one thing that may blow up on my face spectacularly in many ways now or in the future, but being this out of brain juice, I don't really trust my judgement about how probable and big that would be, so I've just decided to wake up at 5am to think about it.

    Also, the weight I've lost during the spring and summer is edging back slowly. Can't concentrate on counting calories when the head is full of fuck and there's neither the money nor the brain power to go shopping for the most healthy alternatives. Just whatever fuel there is for the machine, and back to the grind.

    tl;dr; Need a November long zero expense holiday.

    o/

    @sellmeyoursoul: Congrats on the creative output!
    @Rachæl: Great to hear about the medicinal upswing!
    @hex: Congrats on the word count, keep going!
    @trini: Have a great time with the dancing, that sounds fun!

    EDIT: Oops, forgot THE RULE. Me and an another writer doing some book promo at Helsinki book fair.

    •  
      CommentAuthorallana
    • CommentTimeOct 30th 2013
     (11154.55)
    Goodbad: the levels of upheaval continue unabated. Boyfriend's workplace is closing, potentially an opportunity for vast improvement. Potentially also the straw that sends him back to Toronto.
    We were both there this weekend, for Halloweenhijinx. Had an amazing group costume wearing the animal masks from Hotline Miami. Didn't end up taking part, though, because I spent all Saturday helping a friend move and was too wiped. I was supposed to take the pics, too, so all we have as record are some shit cell pics. I'm jealous and pouty.
    School is super utter crazy until basically December. Looking forward to the four days in mid-November when I volunteer for a conference and don't really have to think or perform.
    Also I got super discriminated against yesterday. The cops targeted me for being on a bike and running a red light, amongst twenty pedestrians doing the same. That's three demerit points. Off my DRIVER'S license. Plus an extra 50$ for 'wearing headphones while riding' which is maybe the most draconian anti-cyclist law ever. Cannot even express my hatred of Montreal right now.

    Thanks for the sleep-wishes. If you don't hear from me in two weeks I've probably had a breakdown.


    You: everyone with money troubles, I feel for you.
    Flex: good luck with your brain.
    •  
      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeNov 9th 2013
     (11154.56)
    Today is November the Ninth, 2013. It has been one year since my mother died.

    POSITIVE - I live in shido like never before. I'm a goddamn Irish Samurai : tougher than steel, funnier than Hell, absolutely gorgeous. I have a presence that can light up a room and brighten even the darkest corner. My sword is my mind and my soul and my wit and my spirit. I am truly magnificent to behold.

    I already told you the NEGATIVE. Then again, with birth comes pain. Every superhero is born of great tragedy, every single one.

    Patrick Henry once said "Is life so dear and peace so sweet that the price of it be chains and slavery? Almighty God, forbid it! I know not what course others may take but for me : Give me Liberty or Give Me Death." I have a tee shirt my mom bought for me at the birthplace of Patrick Henry when I was like, fifteen. It fits me now.

    To ALL OF YOU : Thank you. Even though I've never met you, I love you all. You are all the best. Those I have met prove that. "If you're going through Hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill.

    No pictures, please.
  6.  (11154.57)
    \o/

    Okay, that was an unexpected but a very very welcome realization: looks very very much like the financial suck of the last two years is finally over, one month ahead of time. Ironically, the person who I have to thank for this is our dive school teacher, who isn't the most organized person I've dealt with... We were supposed to get the final bill of the school in the end of the summer, but yesterday I realized that since it's this late, the bill will be due in December the earliest. I've looking forward to December as being the financial disco ball in the end of the tunnel, since I'll be getting some nice and hefty tax refunds and other interesting windfalls that will finally get the finances out of the red. How this works out is that I dug into the money I had saved for the school and used it to pay the bills and stuff this month, and I'll cover the dive school from my December income. I have now repaid my credit cards, made some much needed purchases I've kicked forward for a year or more waiting for the December money, and for luxury splurged on a cheap serial ticket for movies. Going forward, this means I can go buy groceries without having to count every penny, I can help the adventure girl who's still looking for employment and I can start slowly replacing my stuff that's been breaking down, deteriorating or being sold to cover expenses for the last couple of years. I can't even begin to tell how good this feels. The last couple of years has definitely been a formative and humbling experience that has taught me not only to be more responsible with money, but also how much fun stuff you can do and how many problems you can solve without throwing money at them.

    Yesterday there was also a surprising piece of good news. In the dive school we did a rather elaborate and cumbersome experiment, which was a bloody pain in the ass to set up. It was supposed to be ready a year ago, but we finally got it set up only this summer after considerable technical problems and erratic weather. A few weeks ago we got the first results, and the statistics guy who went through them didn't find the result we were looking for and the data looked worthless for our purposes. After that little piece of news our group didn't really even talk about the whole thing for a couple of weeks, I'm assuming everyone was as pissed off as I was. This was something that was supposed to be not only our school's final exam, but also a scientific paper. Sounded like the latter part of it would have to be scrapped, but. Turns out that we got some results after all. Not the results which were stipulated in our hypothesis, but rather more… interesting results. Results which mesh with two earlier pieces of research, which seem to be the first experiment based results of an interesting phenomenon, which will now be integrated in a bigger paper and which will end up in a paper of their own. All of this is quite tentative of course, but certainly a nice 180 from how things looked like a couple of weeks ago. Science, bitches! \o/

    /o\

    In Finland there are over 40 000 divers or more, and the yearly average of diving fatalities is 2,7. From since I started, I've been wondering when one of those fatalities is someone I know, and yeah, that happened last week. He wasn't a super close friend, but someone I met on a diving trip three years back and after that we've been chatting online now and then. A pretty memorable guy, a stereotypical bearded biker who drove a bus for the living. When I met him the first time, it was a dive trip to Estonia, where he rode to on his motorcycle, with just a toothbrush in his vest pocket. A few times when I was walking in Helsinki downtown, a bus waiting for the lights to change opened it's front door and the driver flashed me a smile and went "hello!", which never failed to perk up the day. After the dive school, with the finances fixed, I've been looking forward to getting back to fun diving with the group where I met the guy, a group which I liked in big part because of the fun people. The accident has definitely lent an air of melancholy to the last week.

    On a more general note, things have quieted down and going smoothly, but I still need a proper holiday to reboot. SO. BAD.


    o/

    @allana: Holy shit, fuck da police. That's goddamn draconian.
    •  
      CommentAuthorFauxhammer
    • CommentTimeNov 14th 2013
     (11154.58)
    Good: Got some family coming down from The Town next week. Putting my novel on hold for a different one.

    Bad: 2013 has been fucking relentless. We found out Monday my dad's cancer is terminal. He's got a year, tops. He's handling it like a trooper. It hasn't really sunk in yet--I've been keeping myself busy making sure everybody's doing all right. I refuse to mourn a person who's still alive, but it keeps hitting me that this could be his last Thanksgiving, his last Christmas. No more fixing his computer after he screws something up, telling me he used to work on computers back in the Signal Corps, no more wagging his eyebrows at his nurses. We'll just keep on going.

    Ugly:

    Fistful of Dolla$: Vorn: YEAH YOU DID

    Allana: Fuck the pigs, legit

    Hex: We're all here for each other. Whitechapel Business.
    •  
      CommentAuthorrazrangel
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2013
     (11154.59)
    GOOD: This Show is going fucking LIVE tonight. RIGHT THE SHIT ON. It's been exhausting the last couple of weeks. I'm on the verge of being sick thanks to the stress and lack of sleep. Now the work is all me, but it's hopefully much more straightforward. Sure, there are nerves, but we know this shit. We're gonna crush it.

    Also, tonight is a benefit show. The play is set in Manila. The playwright, a Filipino-American, began writing it almost a decade ago but it's timeliness is so powerful it can make you choke. I've LOVED getting to know Filipino culture. These folks are amazing. They are fun and intense and laugh everything off... And their worry for "back home" is palpable. So, while I'm a tank of gas away from not just broke but broken it feels kind of great to be community adjacent and even putting in some labor that can result in relief effort.

    Lastly, still on my friend's couch. It's inconvenient, but still kinda beats being at home. And I can't commute anyway. That's a freeway too far.

    BAD: Gah the director has been a major source of stress. First time ever it's been the director and producer that make me want to drink. Normally it's the actors. But the actors have been a friggin dream. Chill, on it, and no sign of diva-ness. Maybe that's still to come? But I really could live without the pestering for stupid little crap and their micromanaging. That's been the major downside of this project. The people I need to work WITH the most have been working AT me. Who likes being scolded all the time? Or to have their boss call them from the road because she remembered something and couldn't wait to get home to check her email to see if it was taken care of. Argh.

    I think I actually am getting sick. Still a few days away from getting to take it easy, but if I really am ill then I can't see my friend in the hospital. I've got a friend in the hospital. MS. Guh. Last time I saw him I smiled along and chatted. And broke down crying on the freeway. We were buds in college and kept up over the years. And... it's just. Fuck man. A body so broken down when it used to be so beautiful... And to watch a guy so determined and sure of himself now so weak. Shit.


    For all the Lovers:
    Mister Hex - hell yeah on marching on. Bad anniversaries suck the light out, but thank goodness you've kept a flame burning in you somewhere.
    Vorn - keep marching on. Very lucky to have AG to share this with even if she's having a hard time too.
    Faux *HUG*

    No pics. Just. Just scroll up to my Halloween photo and pretend I'm always that spiffy.
    • CommentAuthorflecky
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2013 edited
     (11154.60)
    Gah! Post ate by technology again.

    DEMONIC GIT IN THE BASEMENT:

    A "relationship" breakdown, which has left me feeling hurt, resentful, and a bit sad. I can see my part in it, but it's brought back some horrible stuff from my past. Cue songs by The Buzzcocks.

    Giving up London, and deciding to stay-put where I'm living now; that's like destroying a relationship with a crazy girlfriend you love, but you know she's bad for you. Cue Dazed And Confused by Led Zeppelin.

    Finishing writing my Step One for ze 12 Step thing; that's taken me months, and it ended up being a bit of a beast. But I did it, unquestionably! Cue The Atrocity Exhibition By Joy Division.

    All this In a week, with all the other stuff life likes to throw at me. I may be a bit of a softy at heart, but my recovery is hard as fook!

    SPIRITUALIZED SUPER SPACE NINJA:

    I drove up to some country hill-stuff with my sponsor-mate yesterday, and read out said step; it took a few hours. I guess I feel kinds purged from that, and it's good to see how far I've come over the past 14 months since giving up a life of "crap wanton debauchery."

    Now I've decided to stay put where I'm living, I can make some plans to do more stuff. And they're going to be good. I'm up for the challenge, oh yes!

    DON CORLEONE, ON THIS, THE DAY OF YOUR DAUGHTER'S WEDDING:

    @mister hex: You are, indeed, a goddamn hero. Keep on fighting, my son.
    @Faux: You too, lad. Life can be a right bitch-bastard, but we just keep on slapping it where it counts: 'cos we can, and 'cos we do!

    Whitechapel - Kicking against the pricks on an interstellar level!