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    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2014
    I've heard the term "aspie" many times. I've also heard people with Asperger's Syndrome say they find the term insulting, so I tend to shy away from it. I'm finding it really sad that people are using Autism Spectrum Disorders as one of the driving factors behind this event. Autistic people might not communicate in normative ways, but they're not by definition psycopaths, either.
  1.  (11359.22)
    Indeed, I got the impression that "aspie" is one of those words that you only get to use if you are one.
    • CommentAuthorDarkest
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2014
    As some one with Asperger Syndrome yeah that words a weird one permission-wise. I don't like it because it's such an awkward word. I prefer Aspergic.

    I wish the media didn't conflate Autistic Spectrum with crazy though it's deeply insulting on a personal level.

    Getting back on topic a bit more though I think quite a lot of the problem stems from the weird high value on sex and a huge stigma on something otherwise meaningless as the label of being a virgin. Dr Nerdlove has some good articles on this actually. (Not going to link it's fairly easy to find on google)
  2.  (11359.24)
  3.  (11359.25)
    Reading over that Jezebel article is actually pretty terrifying for me, because I can see how easily I could have ended up as one of those fuckups. I'm an aspie (I use the term but have no strong opinions on it) and have always had massive problems with relationships, socialising and sex. I can see the kind of though processes these guys are having, and they're startlingly similar to the way I thought as a teenager and young adult.

    The big difference is that where these guys turn their rage outwards against women (and society, but let's face it, mostly against women) I turned mine inwards. I reached the conclusion that there was something horribly wrong with me, and that I deserved to be shunned and neglected (as I saw it). It's a pretty horrible way to exist and it's probably a miracle that I didn't end up self harming.

    Nowdays I'm slowly getting better. It's a long term job, you don't just snap out of years of delusional thinking overnight. But it's still horrifying to recognise so much of myself in these sick bastards.
    • CommentAuthorDarkest
    • CommentTimeJun 2nd 2014
    I guess I was lucky that didn't really pay much attention to that stuff probably the opposite problem. I was always felt like I wasn't worthy of people. Adittionally because I'm terrible at advocating in my own best interest (I.e the everyday manipulations). Might also have been that I wasn't interested in anything except video games and stuff until I was 17.

    I suppose I was lucky that I grew up with my mother bein the main bread winner and girls who I interacted with a lot pretty much negated a lot of stuff. Also not feeling obligated to partake in what I retroactively must've seen as toxic social convention.

    Sorry if I'm a little incoherent I don't like writing about myself much and doing so on a tablet is kind of awkward.

    my pet peeve at the moment that relates to this is the narratives we tell involving men. Either we're balls of uncontrollable balls of lust and or violence or emotionless robots. I was watching that cancelled show Lone Star a while ago and one of the things I enjoyed was the protagonist was the protagonist being sensitive and emotional.
    • CommentAuthorArgos
    • CommentTimeJun 2nd 2014 edited
    I think that was part of the issue with this issue, is a lot of men starting going "Well, we're not *all* like that," to the point that there was a twitter hashtag #notallmen. Women responded, rightly so, I think, that it doesn't take *all men* being like that for us to be afraid, with the tag #yesallwomen. You don't know by looking at someone who's going to be sensitive and who's going to be uncontrollable balls, but the fact that the chance for the latter exists at all is enough to make us live with trepidation.

    edited to add: Granted that's not to say it's okay to imply that all men are uncontrollable balls, but wanted to point out why saying "we're not all like that" doesn't always make us feel better.
  4.  (11359.28)
    Yeah, the whole "not all men" thing is something that has to be used with utmost care in these discussions, the care being a moment's reflection of why is that bomb being dropped in the discussion at hand. I do dislike the sweeping generalizations of "all women X and all men Y", but when we are talking about an issue like this, it's pretty clear that's just diverting the conversation to your own hurt feelings stemming from some perceived slight. And Darkest, I'm not talking about your comment here, more about that #notallmen bullshit.

    Also, I'm not so sure about that not all men rhetoric either. I'd wager to say that one time or another, most men have been a bit of a weird creeps, even when they don't intend to do it, or even realize there's nothing wrong with what they did or said. I'm trying to be aware of these things generally, but I have been a creepy fuck on one occasion or another, which I've usually realized only as an afterthought. It's about the whole thing being built in to how we as a society and consequently as individuals think about gender, sex and related issues. And no, I'm not saying there could be a world where we as humans can have a guarantee of not being made uncomfortable by other humans, but this right here is a particular subset of that discomfort that can and should be addressed.
    • CommentAuthorDarkest
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2014 edited
    I think I replied to a NAM with "but enough men do" on G+. My current analogy is to compare it with the police, the barest hint of corruption and it screws the whole purpose of it.

    Reading the #YesAllWomen tag (Which I have saved now) had me reflecting on my own behaviour. Nothing beyond the pale but I'm guilty of remaining slightly too far in people's personal space for too long.

    @Vorn- Definitely right there. As a societal structure the worst part is that it's essentially been common knowledge but only relatively recently have people started to concern themselves with it beyond a certain threshold.

    I'm always surprised how low a priority respecting other people's Sovereignty is.

    Edit: Found basically the best article on rape culture.
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2014 edited
    wanted to point out why saying "we're not all like that" doesn't always make us feel better.

    Yeah, I mean, I KNOW not all men are like that, but considering we have people in power who victim blame and considering we STILL have the rhetoric of "men will be men", as if men are these uncontrollable raping animals that can't keep their urges in check, the knowledge that "not all men are like that" doesn't help when seeing strangers.

    Also, late to the party, but I'm pretty bugged by the dismissal of "they have aspergers". If I recall, people with that have trouble expressing their emotions and feelings, but still do feel them, yes?
    • CommentAuthorDarkest
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2014
    Yup. That's what was trying to articulate above. It's one of the few topics I feel qualified to talk about having it and all ("higher functioning" but still). It shouldn't excuse behavior either way. One of those "Human, all too Human" things. On the one hand being hounded with flaming torches and pitchforks is not appreciated on the other it is possible to be a total bastard and be on the spectrum. In short just like anyone else.

    Mainly it's harder to pick up on things social wise. I find reading certain specific cues hard to pick up on joining in to a conversation etc.

    I have heard that sometimes it's harder to empathize/ sympathize with people sometimes but that's not really an issue for me. Always forced myself to imagine myself in other people's position. Never liked practical jokes etc for that reason.

    Just realized I was making this thing all about me. Which is the problem with the NAM* Crowd. Subconsciously or otherwise drawing focus takes away from the big picture/ the point with trivialities.

    I am full of Monster Energy drink. Have rambled. I'll leave it in though for context reasons. Much more organized in person I assure you.

    *Not All Men
  5.  (11359.32)
    How can it be all about you when it's all about me?
  6.  (11359.33)
    Yeah, we aspies have emotions, it's just there's generally some kind of inexplicable blockage between feeling them and being able to express them.

    Every case of aspergers/autism is unique. I do empathy, but it's a conscious effort rather than something that just happens. And if I'm tired or distracted it's a real effort, meaning I can be a callous bastard without meaning to.

    That said, there's a difference between being weird/inappropriate/creepy/a-horrible-human-being because you genuinely don't notice that you're doing it, and being so because you can't be arsed trying and have the excuse of the condition to fall back on.
    • CommentAuthorDarkest
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2014
    And then there's the self diagnosed who use it as an excuse to be anti-social.

    Have we derailed this enough for a new topic yet? :)

    I'm totally down to get back to talking about Misogyny and nerd culture.

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